The Heart's Desire
by ZairaAlbereo
Summary: SQ to THE PROMISE. Sirius broke out of Azkaban and took Harry. They were found. Now there's a trial. Can he prove his innocence? Will Harry be safe when dark forces are at work? Can Sirius and Remus reconcile? And will their heart's desire be fulfilled?
1. Prologue

**A/N: Like the summary said, this story is a SEQUEL. Meaning there is a PREQUEL, which is called 'THE PROMISE'.**

Would I recommend to read the prequel first? Well... yes. There is always something to be said about starting at the beginning. 'The Promise' is the story of how Sirius breaks out of Azkaban and saves Harry. It's the story of a little boy and a young man, who have suffered too much, but who might be just what the other needs to heal. Remus is in this story too and, like all of them, carries a lot of baggage.

So, while you'll probably be able to follow the plot of this story after a few pointers from me, the journey of the characters has already begun, and you will be able to understand them better when you see where they were coming from.

Anyway, there is a short (as in very) explanation about the plot of the prequel at the end.

This was beta-read by **ShaylaShiera. **Thank you very much for this, darling!

**Note that this is a prologue of sorts. Also it is set BEFORE the end of The Promise.**

* * *

**The Heart's Desire**

_by Zaira Albereo_

**- Prologue -**

24th of November 1988

It was a normal evening, as evenings in the large Manor in Wiltshire, England come. A small, pale boy in very expensive and well-tailored robes, whose haughty expression gave him the air of a much older child, although he actually was only eight, sat in an armchair of dark green velvet in front of a vast marble fireplace, looking bored.

His parents were out for the evening, attending some sort of soirée without him, and like always the boy couldn't really decide what was worse. Being bored, because he was left home alone again with no company besides the house-elves, or getting dragged to some party of one of his relatives or friends of his parents, where he would then be expected to sit still and make conversation in an appropriate manner and later had to listen to the lectures of his mother and the cutting remarks of his father.

Maybe it was better to stay at home. Tonight his parents were at the Yaxley's, and they only had a three year old daughter, who was horribly whiny. The boy shuddered. No, it was better to be left at home. He only had to think of something fun to do. Maybe he should eat something first...

"Dobby!" the boy called loudly. "Dobby!"

After a few moments a faint 'pop' was heard, and a small, wrinkled figure with large green eye-balls appeared in front of the little boy, bowing so deep, that the tea-towel wrapped around its thin frame brushed the floor. "Yes, Master Draco? What can Dobby do for young Master?"

"I'm hungry." Draco said snootily. "Bring me a sandwich. Toasted. But no onions, do you hear me?"

"Yes, Master. Dobby will do so immediately!"

Draco smirked cruelly. "And Dobby? Squash your hands in the oven door when you're at it. For letting me wait."

-o-

After young Master Malfoy had eaten his sandwich, which Dobby had brought together with a glass of milk, all on a tablet wobbling clumsily in hastily bandaged hands, he strolled through the Manor rather listlessly. He contemplated torturing the house-elf with silly orders for a while, that was always fun, but he knew his mother would be angry when it wasn't up to the task for her own gathering tomorrow evening. He sighed. Sometimes he really hated his life. His parents never allowed him anything...

He turned around the corner on the second floor corridor that led to his fathers study. That was another of those things. He knew his father had all kind of cool stuff in there, some of which he had bought when Draco had accompanied him to Knockturn Alley. But Draco wasn't even allowed to go in there! It was just so unfair! He stopped in his tracks, when he saw that the door to the study stood just slightly ajar. His heart started to beat faster. His father _never_ left his study unlocked when he wasn't in there. Salazar, sometimes he locked the door even while he was! He must have forgotten when his mother had made all that fuss about them being late, and Dobby not being able to find her new emerald necklace or something. He really couldn't believe his luck.

Carefully he sneaked closer, not really sure why he was sneaking, since he knew that nobody could be in there. A single lamp was burning on his father's desk, which was covered in parchments. It looked like he had run out in the middle of something, and then forgotten about it. Curiously Draco looked around the room in the dim light. He had of course gotten a few glimpses through the open door, now and then, but he had never actually set foot into his father's sanctuary. The need to explore all those forbidden doors and drawers was overwhelming.

Draco moved to the desk, but the parchments all looked rather dull and boring. Nothing interesting there. He sidled to the other end of the room and stared at all the weird and sometimes sinister looking objects behind polished glass doors. His hand reached out for the handles, but withdrew after a moment's hesitation. He had heard his father saying, that some of the stuff was dangerous. And this stuff looked just too scary. Was that a skull over there? Was it looking at him? Hastily Draco moved along the wall to the heavy bookcases, so that the skull-thing was out of his line of sight. He let his gaze wander over the spines. Lots of books on spells and potions. He had no use for them, since he couldn't brew anything without someone noticing and he had not yet got a wand. Lots of books on history, on bloodlines... He was told all about that by his tutor, Mrs. Avery. Salazar, this was a lot more boring than he would have expected! But then his gaze caught on a small leather-bound book. There were only a monogram and the word 'Riddle'. It looked rather ordinary in fact, but something made Draco reach out intrigued.

He pulled the book down from the shelf and turned it in his hands. On the back side, imprinted in the leather, he read 'Possession of Tom M. Riddle'. Oh. So it wasn't a book about riddles. It belonged to someone called Riddle. Draco wondered why the book stood in his father's bookcase, when it did, in fact, belong to someone else. He opened the book to the first page and was even more disappointed when he saw that the pages were empty. Then he frowned. It was rather unusual for his father to have something that looked as old and used as this journal; because that was obviously what it was. A journal that some bloke called 'Riddle' had bought and imprinted, but never used. But why did his father have it?

Draco could not have said why, but he stuck the book into his robes, and then, with a last look around, he left and pulled the door closed behind him.

It was getting late, but his parents had still not come home. Not that he had really expected them to. They often stayed out late, when they went to these kinds of gatherings, and it wasn't like he was in need of anything. One shout and the house-elf would bring him anything he wanted. As he cautiously walked back to his own room, rushing by any especially dark corridors or corners, he pushed away the urge to do just that. Because he would never, ever admit to anybody; and on a bright sunny day not even to himself, that it was just a little scary being alone in the vast and dimly lit manor at night.

When he reached his room he firmly closed the door behind him and breathed a small sigh of relief. There was a fire burning merrily in the marble fireplace and the lamp on his nightstand next to the huge four-poster with the green hangings was brightly lit. He lit another lamp on the desk in the far corner, just for good measure and any remaining dark corners vanished. Pulling out the journal from inside his robes he placed it down on the polished surface and looked at it with a puzzled frown. He still wasn't sure why he had taken it. It wasn't like he had ever thought about keeping a journal up to now. Although it seemed like a cool and very adult thing to do. Pursing his lips, he pulled out a quill and an ink bottle and opened the book on the first page.

_Malfoy Manor, 24th of November 1988 _

_Mother and Father are staying out late again, and it was a rather boring evening._

No sooner had he written that sentence than the words and numbers were slowly fading, until they had completely vanished. Draco frowned. That was strange, but then again not all that much. Maybe the journal was enchanted, to make the ink invisible, so that no one else could read the entries. That would be rather useful, and might explain, why his father possessed the otherwise rather ordinary looking journal. This could be really awesome; he only had to find out how he could make the words visible again if he wanted to read them once more later on. For now, he quickly dipped the quill in the ink once more and wrote

_It's always like that when they stay at the Yaxley's. It's not like I would have wanted to go with them exactly, last time_ _Aurora spilled her pumpkin juice all over my new dress robes and then she __cried_ _because her juice was gone. Really that brat is just horrible. I hate her._

The ink vanished again, but this time Draco just kept writing.

_Still, I wished father would not only talk to me when he was teaching me or scolding me. He is always working! Mother is really great though. She promised to buy me a new Gobstones set when we go shopping at Diagon Alley next weekend. I lost a few pieces and the stupid house-elf couldn't find them. He is useless. _

The ink vanished and Draco felt satisfied with his first entry. Before he put away his quill something else occurred to him, and he dipped it in once more, and then wrote on the opposite page: _Journal of Draco Malfoy_.

He almost knocked over the ink bottle, when on the page he had written on earlier, words appeared suddenly out of nowhere. It were not the words he had written either. And it wasn't his handwriting. Dumbfounded Draco stared at the neat letters on the paper.

_Hello Draco. My name is Tom. Sorry to hear you had such a bad day._

-xox-

The blue spotted bowls were shattering on the tiles. Harry was clutching his forehead. Suddenly a bright white pain had shot through his head, like someone had stabbed him with a hot poker. It had come out of nowhere, and it was gone a moment later, leaving in its wake a dull throbbing that felt like his brain was bleeding out of his eyes. Harry pressed his hands to the right side of his head, trying to take shallow breaths and not puking up the mushrooms and bread he had just gorged down at dinner.

They had gone mushroom hunting that afternoon, because Sirius had said it would probably be the last opportunity this year, before the first snow arrived. It had been cold and the air had been brittle, especially in the shade of the forest, where the low rays of the sun did hardly reach them. But it had still been fun. Harry had worn one of Sirius' thick wool jumpers, so the cold didn't really bother him. The jumper was almost as big on him as Dudley's clothes and a little worn too, since it once had belonged to Sirius' uncle, but unlike wearing Dudley's hand-downs, wearing Sirius' made him feel all warm inside, a different kind of warm than the one expected from the thick material. The air had smelled of wood and herbs and they had watched squirrels and even a fox family.

And then of course, like with almost everything, Sirius had made a game out of it. A competition who could find the most of the tasty little fellows in the undergrowth. Harry had accused Sirius of cheating, when he turned into Padfoot because his nose was better suited to detect their scent as a dog. But then Sirius would playfully chase him, which surprisingly often ended in him stumbling over an especially large group of their prey.

They had spent an afternoon full of running and laughing and picking mushrooms in between, and when they had come back to the cabin, shortly before the sun went down over the lake, they had been exhausted. Well, at least Harry had been. They had agreed, that Harry would warm up in front of the fire and Sirius would do the cooking and then Harry could help with the dishes later. Sirius had actually done pretty good this time, frying the mushrooms with herbs and not burning them at all, and they had tasted great, just like the smell of the forest. They had crunchy slices of bread with the mushrooms and Harry had happily chatted with Sirius about the fox family, and if they could go and see them again. Rather tired from their out-door activity Harry had carried their bowls into the kitchen corner, and that had been when it happened.

For a moment the pain was so intense, that he didn't even realize that the bowls had slipped from his fingers, which were now pressing against his forehead. But he immediately remembered when the pain ebbed away and he became aware of Sirius hand tightening on his shoulder and his voice.

"Harry! What's wrong!"

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Harry stared at the mess of shards on the floor. "I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." He mumbled still clutching his head. "Sorry. Sorry."

Hands were holding his shoulders, rubbing over his arms. "Harry. Look at me. Harry!" Sirius voice. Concern, not anger. "What is wrong? Please. Tell me what is wrong! Are you hurting?" Helplessness and desperation, not impatience and resentment. "Come. Come, let's sit down for a moment." Sirius guiding him to the sofa, pushing him down into the cushions. Gentleness and comfort, not harshness and indifference.

Hands were stroking through his hair. Sirius voice murmuring under his breath. Soft, calming noises. Gradually the pain faded, reducing to a low throb. Sirius hands, gently prying his from his forehead. Soothing touches.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sirius."

"What ever for?" Helplessness again, and confusion in Sirius voice.

"For breaking the dishes. For being a bother."

A deep sigh. More gentle touches. "The dishes are the last of my worries, pup. It's you I'm worried about. And you are not a bother. I told you, you are never a bother. But you need to tell me if you hurt. Is it your head? Have you knocked it?"

"No. No, it just started to hurt out of nowhere."

"Let me see." Sirius hands, touching the pain. Not erasing it, but erasing another pain, buried deep in his chest. "I can't see anything, really. Let's put you into bed with a cool cloth, and I'll see if I can find some lavender. That much I remember from Herbology."

He was lifted in strong arms and carried into Sirius' bedroom and he was wrapped into warm blankets, with a cool washcloth over his forehead and Sirius was there, quietly fiddling with whatever, and the pain was almost gone already, fading to a memory as he was fading into sleep.

When he woke the next morning to the usual smell of something slightly burned, the pain from the day before was almost forgotten. Something was nagging him. A dream about a boy and a book, but he couldn't really remember, and when he sat down in front of a huge pile of French Toast that had been forgotten as well in an instant.

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**A/N: You want to read more? You want to have the first chapter? I'm on it. You know a great way to make me write faster? Clever! I knew you would want to leave a review...**

Just for those very few of you: A short explanation about where we are starting from in this AU

When Sirius became Harry's godfather he made a promise, which turned out to be a 'Wizard's Oath' (Think mixture of Unbreakable Vow and Lily's Blood Sacrifice). This promise caused a special bond between him and Harry, but nobody really knew what that would mean or how strong it was. When Harry is eight Sirius feels the pull of this promise, escapes from Azkaban and 'kidnaps' Harry from the Dursley's, where he was abused. Lot's of interesting stuff happens, Sirius and Harry slowly bond and heal each other, Remus is on the hunt, even more interesting and exciting stuff happens and finally they are caught and bad stuff happens but luckily no one dies. So now Sirius is about to have his trial, Remus hopes Sirius will forgive him and Harry is currently residing at the Weasleys. From here on out it's new and undiscovered territory... I said it would be short, didn't I?


	2. Connection

**A/N: You are all so awesome! Wow to the reviews. Wow to the enthusiasm. Just wow. And it worked, didn't it? I'm not sure I **_**ever **_**wrote this fast before. Really, you are the best! So, all of you, THANK YOU!**

A special thanks once more to the wonderful **Shayla**, who is excellent in hunting down all those commas I spread out wildly with no identifiable system. A special thanks as well to the equally wonderful **jogger**, who listened to my rants and not only understood them, but insisted that they are in fact 'thoughtful and intelligent discourse'. You have to love someone like that!

**Explanation about the timeline****:**

Just to try once more to get any confusion out of the way... The prologue was somewhat disconnected from the time-line of the story. I tried to make that clear by giving you a date. The 24th of November. When Sirius wakes up in the hospital in the epilogue of 'The Promise' it is shortly after Christmas. So the prologue took place a month BEFORE the epilogue. We jumped back in time to see the start of events that have happened and will continue happening somewhere else, while Remus is finding Harry & Sirius, Sirius is brought to the Ministry, is rescued etc. From this point on the story will develop in a linear time-line. Flashbacks in form of memories or, let's say clearly dated journal entries, will be in italics. Alright? We're clear? Then fasten your seat-belts! We're on our way back (forward) to December, one day after Sirius woke up...

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**Chapter 1 - Connection**

_27th_ _of November 1988_

_Hello Tom. _

_Well, today's lesson was a pile of dragon dung. I mean I can't stand half of my relatives that are still alive; who wants to learn about those that have been dead for decades? Especially some from Mother's side- she is a Black by the way- are really crazy. My Great-Aunt Walburga actually kept the severed heads of her house-elves pinned to the wall! That's just disgusting! _

_Anyway, you wanted me to tell you a little bit more about this time. I thought about it, and it must be really strange living in a journal for such a long time. What do you do all day? Well, I already told you that Albus Dumbledore is still Headmaster at Hogwarts. I can't believe he was already teaching when you were at school! He must be older than Merlin... Minister of Magic is a man called Fudge. Father says he is a blithering idiot. _

_Father is a very important man. He is a member of the Wizengamot and lots of boards. He works a lot, or at least he spends a lot of time in his study lately. I think it has something to do with Harry Potter. He's gone missing, you see? Oh, you probably don't know about Harry Potter, do you? He is supposed to be all special and 'the saviour of the wizard world', but actually he's only my age. I think it's all bollocks! How can a baby defeat the Dark Lord? He was the most powerful dark wizard since ever really. At least that is what father says._

_Hey Tom? Do you have any idea why he would have had this journal of yours? _

-xoSox-

Sirius hated hospitals. He knew that it was probably not a very comprehensible thing to do, in regard of the place he had been kept before. It wasn't dark. It wasn't cold. There was food and even a soft bed. But Sirius couldn't help it, he felt anxious and trapped, and even though the nurses were all wearing a polite smile, he knew what they were thinking. Murderer. Traitor. Death Eater. Not really worth of their care, if it wouldn't have been their duty.

And then there were wands poking into him and there were touches and it was all done with that polite smile, but never a word of comfort, and he had always hated to be touched, especially by strangers. It made him feel like he was an object once more, a body, a carcass, not really a person.

So he was really, really glad when the door opened, and Remus stepped in, looking apologetically at the nurse of the day. "Sorry, I can come back later," he said.

"No!" Sirius almost yelled, and he felt a little embarrassed about it the next moment. "She is done for the moment. Aren't you?" he glanced at the middle-aged woman.

But the woman looked at Remus, when she answered, "You can come in, Sir. But remember visiting hours end in half an hour." And then she was gone.

"You could have called her by her name, you know." Remus said, sitting down in the chair next to Sirius' bed.

"I would have, but she didn't introduce herself." Sirius said with a shrug, tracing the pattern of his blanket with a single long finger.

"You could have asked." Remus stated the obvious.

Sirius only sighed and didn't meet Remus eyes. "What?" The werewolf finally asked when it was apparent that his friend wouldn't be anymore forthcoming.

"They don't talk to me." Sirius mumbled. "At all. They look at me, and all they see is a murderer."

Remus looked down. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Sirius said, trying to keep his voice light.

"It's not your fault either."

"The Jury seems to be still out on that one."

There was a painful lot of truth in that and still, Remus wasn't entirely sure why he let it go. 'Not where I'm concerned' was what he wanted to say, but he didn't, and the moment passed.

"Where is Harry?" Sirius asked finally, and the hope in his eyes was so apparent, that Remus almost couldn't bring himself to meet them, not with what he had to tell him.

"He's at the Weasleys." Remus finally said, and he knew, that this playing for time was ridiculous.

"I know," Sirius said, "but I thought he might..."

"He can't. You're still a prisoner in the Ministry's custody." Remus winced, when he heard the harshness in his own voice.

"But he was here yesterday..." Sirius sounded confused and just a little hurt.

"Yes, but... that was special circumstances. And... his guardian doesn't approve."

Sirius swallowed and Remus could see him visibly blanch. "H-his guardian?" He whispered, and again Remus knew exactly what it was that made these words so hurtful for his friend.

"Molly Weasley," he said finally. "She doesn't want him to see you. Actually she doesn't want him to see me either; she was livid that he was in the dungeons with me. Apparently she found out about that Dementor."

"And how the hell is that my fault? It was the worst moment in my life, seeing him like that. But I was the one who saved him! Doesn't that count for anything?"

"She doesn't think it was your fault, she thinks it was my fault for bringing him there in the first place."

Ignoring that issue for a moment, Sirius concentrated on the selfish. "Then why... oh."

"Yeah." Remus confirmed.

"She doesn't believe... she thinks I'm..."

"Yeah."

"And I won't be able to see Harry."

There was no answer.

"How is he? Do you know?" Sirius whispered finally and Remus felt his heart ache when he heard the need and desperation.

-xox-

Harry was... well, if he would have been really honest with himself, he might have said he was angry. But anger was a feeling Harry wasn't much used to, since it had never been allowed. So he would settle for feeling helpless. And crestfallen. And sad. And desperate.

He wasn't allowed to see Sirius.

It had once more taken a huge amount of courage, when he had raised his eyes from his cereal at breakfast this morning, glancing at Mr. Weasley. He was about to finish his bagel and leave for work, and Harry knew he had to say something now, because he didn't think he would be brave enough to ask Mrs. Weasley. He still remembered the potatoes from the last time.

Harry swallowed hard and tried to push his voice to become more than a whisper. "C-can I go t-to the ho-hospital... today?" he finally managed and immediately dropped his eyes back to his bowl, holding his body stiffly, waiting for a response.

The table had fallen silent and Harry had tensed even more. _Stupid, stupid, stupid..._ he scolded himself. He shouldn't have said anything, he knew that, but he really, really wanted to see Sirius.

After staying with them for over a week, Harry could only think that the Weasleys _seemed_ nice enough. So far none of them had yelled at him or hit him and they gave him plenty of food, and he was sleeping in a real bed and not in a cupboard, so that was good. But he didn't really feel safe. Not like with Sirius. It was just so different to anything he was used to, and he didn't understand the rules. He would have tried to do as the rest of the Weasley children did, but then they didn't seem to know the rules either and got into trouble a lot and that wasn't something Harry wanted. Mrs. Weasley yelled at Fred and George and Ron, and there were threats and sometimes even a few half-hearted slaps. It was nothing like Uncle Vernon, but Harry was still afraid. He did not want to be on the receiving end of her wrath. Her face could almost get as red as his uncle's. So he kept his guard up and tried not to draw attention, to be as invisible as possible. Because you could never know when the tide might turn.

And now he had done something really stupid. He must be suicidal, that must be it. He had abandoned his strategy of being invisible only twice before. Once, when he had asked about Sirius, causing Mrs. Weasley to drop the potatoes. That was before he knew that _that _particular question would get him more attention than anything else he could possibly do. The second time, he broke his rule for Sirius. He had simply _known _that Sirius was in danger. And if he had not been so abysmally afraid, he would not have dreamed ever acting that way. He still blushed and shuddered when he thought about it, and he was really surprised that the Weasleys had not locked him in the attic with the ghoul or shut him up in any other more than unfriendly way. Ron had said he had screamed and begged for hours until they had finally called for Remus. All Harry could remember was the feeling of dread and loss and fear and helplessness. And Harry knew that he would do it again. Any consequences were worth the risk when his godfather was in danger. When it was about Sirius, it was worth it.

And this was about him, or rather about seeing him, and Harry had risked drawing attention. He understood that the Weasleys didn't like his godfather, that they thought he was a bad person. And maybe they would think Harry was a bad person too, because he wanted to see him, but then maybe they wouldn't want him to stay and he could be with Sirius. He still had just this tiny little hope, that they might let him stay with Sirius now. After all, the old wizard, Dumbledore, had even taken him to the hospital to see his godfather. So Harry waited, holding his breath.

Finally the silence was broken by a cough and then the voice of Mrs. Weasley.

"Well... Harry dear, I'm not sure that is such a good idea."

Harry's heart sank. That didn't sound good. He had come to understand, that things Mrs. Weasley thought were not a good idea, were things that weren't going to happen.

"It is of course a nice thought, to visit someone in the hospital, but I don't think that in this case... I don't think it is allowed," she finished.

Harry didn't dare to look up. His voice was not more than a whisper. "B-but I was there... y-yesterday."

"WHAT!"

Harry jumped just a little; he was used to being yelled at. But his whole body had gone stiff as a board and he stared at the soaking lumps of cereal, waiting for the blow. _Stupid, stupid, stupid..._

"Molly..." Mr. Weasley's voice was attempting to be soothing, but Harry could hear a hint of warning in it as well.

"Did you know?" Mrs. Weasley cried. "When? _Dumbledore_? Why in Merlin's great name would he-?"

"Molly."

This time the warning was more apparent, but Harry didn't dare to look up, to confirm it with a look at the wizard's face. He shrank even more in his seat, trying to be as small as possible. He could hear Fred and George snigger. He really didn't know what they found amusing, but then he seldom did. Obviously Mrs. Weasley didn't see any humour in the situation either.

"Eat your breakfast!" she snapped clearly in the direction of the twins, and their snicker became more subdued. "Arthur." Mrs. Weasley said tightly after a moment.

"Let's go in the living-room."

"Eat your breakfast," Mrs. Weasley repeated her order when she got up from the table. "And I don't want to hear a word from you!"

As soon as the door to the living-room had been closed behind their parents, Fred and George were out of their seats and at the door, pressing their ears against it.

"Sit back down!" Percy scolded them. "You have heard what mother said."

"She said she doesn't want to hear a word from us." Fred said.

"She didn't say she doesn't want us to hear a word _she_ said." George said.

"What do they say?" Ron asked in a hushed voice.

"Mom says, Dumbledore took Harry to see a monster." Fred announced in a whisper, not sounding concerned at all, that someone would do such a thing.

"I think she is talking about Black." George said to his brother.

Fred shrugged, but nodded in agreement. Then he went on with the commentary. "Mom says he killed more people, and that someone could still be alive if it wasn't for him."

"Dad says Black saved Harry from a Dementor." George added after a moment.

"HE IS INSANE!" That shout of Mrs. Weasley's could be heard by everyone in the kitchen.

"Well, yeah..." Fred grinned at his siblings.

"Mom said _that_." George nodded happily.

"I can't hear them anymore."

"Dad probably hushed her."

"Damn." Fred pouted.

"You think we could?"

"Careful."

Slowly and quietly the twins pressed down on the handle and slipped the door open a little. The voices of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were softer now, but Harry could still hear them. It seemed Mrs. Weasley was doing most of the talking.

"He was in Azkaban for seven years, Arthur! They don't put innocent people in Azkaban! I can understand to a degree that Lupin wants to believe that. He was his friend. And then Black was always a charmer. People always were drawn to him, they didn't see the danger. Just look what he did to Harry! That boy thinks the sun is shining out of..."

"Molly!" Mr. Weasley sounded shocked and amused at the same time. The twins snickered quietly.

"Don't 'Molly' me! You know what I mean. He had that poor child hanging to his every word, thinking he was his saviour and long lost godfather. I won't give him any more opportunities to manipulate Harry."

"It will be hard to explain to Harry. He seems to be very fond of his 'godfather'."

"Yes. And that makes me sick! That bastard... Harry is an innocent child, he doesn't know better. But he will see with time, and he will forget about him. We just have to let him see, that we are here for him. That we are his family now."

Harry couldn't listen any further. His chest hurt, and his eyes prickled and he just needed to get away. Not caring anymore about 's wrath, he jumped up and ran out of the room.

-xox-

"So how come, _you're _allowed to visit me?" Sirius inquired after a few moments of awkward silence.

"They can't keep you from your advocate. Or his assistant." Remus shrugged. "That's me."

"Are you now?" Sirius sounded surprised. Well Remus had been surprised too, at first, when Dumbledore had suggested it, but it seemed reasonable enough.

"Yes. I will help Dumbledore with the research and... the evidence and all that. That way we will both be allowed to see you... if you are okay with that?" Remus gaze was questioning.

"Am I okay, with you putting that brilliant brain of yours into the task of making me a free man again?" With everybody else Remus would have thought, they were trying to flatter him; with Sirius he was sure he just stated what he thought to be a fact. "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have with me in this." Sirius said, his face unusually open. "I trust you, Moony, I always ha-..." And that's were he stopped looking mortified.

Remus wanted to say it was okay, that it wasn't important, but he couldn't, because Sirius had not always done just that. There had been one very significant time when he had not trusted Remus. _How fast we forget... _But really, what would have been the difference? All Sirius had earned with his distrust, was seven years in Azkaban. It felt strange to carry a grudge when, looking at it logically, Sirius had been so much more hurt by the outcome.

"I _should_ always have..." Sirius whispered then, and the look he gave Remus was filled with regret. "I _should_ always have trusted you. So after my unbelievable fuck-up, the real question is, if you are willing to trust me..."

His gaze was unsure and just a hint vulnerable, and Remus instinctively reacted with an assuring smile. "Of course I do, Padfoot." His voice turned to a lighter note, before he went on. "And just in case, there are always those two Aurors out in the corridor."

Sirius froze for a second, but Remus kept smiling at him, and after a moment he gave an uneasy laugh. "Well then you should be safe," he said, trying for that same light tone, which would probably have fooled anybody else.

Remus sighed and met Sirius eyes, open and earnest. "It will be okay, Padfoot. It will take some time, but it will be okay." And right there and then Remus really wanted to believe that.

-xox-

Harry was cowering behind his bed in the orange room he was sharing with Ron. Tears were running down his cheeks, and every breath he drew hurt in his lungs. It hurt. It hurt so much...

_... Monster... he killed more people... still be alive if it wasn't for him... _

What had Mrs. Weasley been talking about? Had she been talking about his parents? Or about somebody else? But it wasn't true... It wasn't true! She had it wrong, like Remus had it wrong before. Sirius wasn't a monster. He wasn't. He wasn't...

_... They don't put innocent people in Azkaban! ... HE IS INSANE! _

Why was she saying such things about Sirius? Why did they hate him so much? He had thought everything would be alright now. He had thought after Sirius was safe, it would be alright and they could maybe be together again... He just wanted it to be like before!

_... that poor child hanging to his every word, thinking he was his saviour and long lost godfather... _

He _had _saved him! Sirius _had_ saved him! He had taken him away from the Dursley's. He had said they were wrong to do those things. And he had saved him in the snowstorm, he had found him, when nobody else was in the world anymore, Sirius had found him. He had felt so alone, just like now. He felt so horrible alone now, and he wished Sirius would come and pick him up and take him away from here...

_... Bastard... makes me sick! ... _

And he _was_ his godfather! Sirius had said it and Remus had said it was true. So why did the Weasleys say that he wasn't really? Sirius was all that he had! All that he ever had. And now they would take him away, and he would never see him again and he would be alone again and they didn't understand, no one understood, not like Sirius...

_... Harry doesn't know better... he will forget about him... We are his family now..._

Never. Never would he forget about Sirius. About the way he had held him, about the way he had ruffled his hair and smiled at him. And never would he forget about that morning, when he told him, he loved him like a son, and that he wanted them to be a family. Never for the rest of his life would he forget that!

Harry cried harder, and he tried to stop, because he knew it wasn't good to cry, it didn't help. Not here. But he couldn't. He just couldn't stop. The sobs tore from his chest, and it _hurt_! He curled up into himself, made himself as small as possible, pressing his knees against his chest, like he could curl around the pain. And he let go, because he couldn't hold it in, all the tears, all that _pain_. He tried not to think and just concentrate on that pain and let himself be washed away.

-xox-

Remus glanced at his watch, and Sirius found himself really wishing that he would not go just yet. Yes, it was slightly awkward, trying to take up their friendship after seven years of not seeing each other, in which at least one of them had done a reasonable amount of hating. But he couldn't stand the thought of being alone. He wasn't in that dark and dank cell anymore, and he was grateful for that, but he was still a prisoner, and he knew that he didn't really have a say in what was happening to him. It left him feeling horribly helpless, and it was all he could do, to not let the panic he felt rising inside himself show.

"So... how exactly are we going to do this?" The words came out in such a rush, that he almost stumbled over the syllables.

"Do what?" Remus looked up with a slightly confused expression.

"This whole defending me thing... You said something about research and evidence." Anything to keep Remus talking... to keep him here... just for a little longer. "What about Peter? They got anything out of him?"

A shadow settled over Remus features and he frowned. "Nothing useful. He is still denying everything. He says you were the secret-keeper. You were the traitor and the spy, working for Voldemort. You tried to kill him and blew up all those muggles in the process. He was hiding in his animagus form because he didn't know who he could trust, and of course he was stricken with grief." The last words were spat out with contempt. "It's not even such a bad story, if you don't know Peter."

"It would never occur to him to try to manage on his own." Sirius said.

"Exactly."

Sirius let his head fall back against the pillows. He still wasn't up to his usual strength. Or his post-Azkaban strength at least. "I still can't believe we misjudged him that badly," he said quietly. "I can't believe he played me so masterly. I mean... it was Peter."

Remus didn't answer immediately. "We all underestimated him, because he always leaned on us for help. And then he played on our fears. It was war. We were a scared bunch of kids. And there was suspicion everywhere."

"I once thought we were invincible." Sirius whispered.

"Did you really?" Something in his voice let Sirius look up. He couldn't really say what it was, but it had almost sounded like... hurt, or maybe regret. But before he could say anything more, or ask a question he didn't know how to phrase, there was a knock on the door, and then it opened and revealed the wrinkled face of Albus Dumbledore.

-xox-

Harry woke up from the sudden pain in his arm. He was lying on his right side, curled up on the floor. Someone moved above him, and Harry tensed, and that was when he noticed that he had been lying on his arm, probably for a while, and that was why it was hurting. He tried to move the stiff limb from under him and sit up, to look at the person, that was now touching his shoulder and he flinched away from that hand, his heart beating faster.

"It's alright Harry. It is alright, sweetheart. It's only me." Mrs. Weasley. There was concern in her voice, but there was always something else, something he couldn't grasp and that scared him, because he didn't know what she was hiding.

"Come, get up Harry. That can't be comfortable." She took his arm, and her hands were gentle, but the touch still made him shudder. "Why did you run away, sweetheart? You didn't even finish your breakfast."

Was she mad at him? She had said to eat their breakfast. To not talk. But maybe that had meant 'stay in the kitchen' as well, he had a feeling it did, but he couldn't have listened a second longer. He pulled himself up, so that he was sitting on the bed, and he felt the mattress shift when Mrs. Weasley sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry." He thought that was probably expected.

"What are you sorry for, Harry?"

He hated that question. It was so easy to get it wrong. So difficult to know what the right answer was. What did she want to hear? The best bet was to keep it unspecific. "For making you mad," he whispered. "I'm sorry." It couldn't hurt to say that again.

"I'm not mad at you, Harry." She kept saying that, but Harry wasn't really convinced. "I'm mad at the man who did this to you." Huh? "I know, it is difficult to understand. I know, he might have even been nice to you occasionally, but he is not really a nice man." Her voice was soft and sweet, like honey, and he hated it, because it felt like poison. "He has done very bad things, and he is dangerous. And that is why we don't want you to see him anymore. You will understand that, when you are a little older."

Harry pressed his eyes close and tried not to listen. He tried to think of flying on a broomstick instead, with Sirius' arms around him keeping him safe.

-xox-

Dumbledore stepped into the room, closing the door behind him, with a flick of his wrist.

"Hello Sirius. How are you today?"

Sirius shrugged, and Remus could once more see the effort he put into convincing those around him that he was fine really, when he in fact could not have been very much further from it. It was almost like those muggle picture puzzles, once you knew what was there, it became really obvious.

"I'm not much for hospitals," Sirius was saying in that casual tone of his, "but then I guess it's better than a prison cell."

Dumbledore gave a small chuckle. "I'm sure St. Mungo's management will be glad to hear you've come to this conclusion."

"So did you think about what we discussed?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow in a meaningful look. He could feel Sirius' eyes on him, and knew he hated to feel out of the loop. He probably felt disconnected enough from everything and the world in general after seven years in that hellhole.

"Yes." Albus turned towards Remus. "I verified it with a few other sources, and I think we might make it work. If you are sure that is?" Remus felt the vivid blue eyes piercing him, like Dumbledore was searching his very soul.

Was he sure? Yes. There was no other solution. He wouldn't allow anything else. "I am." He said determinedly.

There was a cough coming from the bed, and when Remus turned towards it, he saw Sirius glare at the pair of them in annoyance. "Don't mind me," he said, and Remus was actually surprised at the once familiar sarcastic tone.

"Forgive our rudeness, Sirius." Albus said with a smile. "Remus and I have discussed a few ideas about our options, concerning your whereabouts for the time up to the trial, and the duration of it. The trial itself won't start until a few weeks, and you won't have to stay here in St. Mungo's for that long. If Fudge had his way, you would go back to Azkaban as soon as possible. He seems rather worried, that you might get away again. There is a Law of Procedure. I want you to take a look at this article." And with that Albus handed Sirius a piece of parchment.

Audibly swallowing Sirius took it and read.

_**Wizard Law of Procedure Art. 92:**_

_I. After his arrest and for the duration of the trial the defendant has to be imprisoned on remand in Azkaban._

_An exception can only be made when the procedure would cause an unacceptable hardship for the  
defendant, and another wizard is willing and able to vouch for the defendant and provide accommodation  
where the prisoner can be confined._

_II. The wizard providing such accommodation has to be of age and have a sufficient magical education  
['Exceeds Expectations on N.E.W.T level for DADA and Charms or equivalent]. _

_Wizards who have a criminal record, or are under current investigation do not qualify. _

_Wizards who are in direct relation to the defendant do not qualify._

_III. The defendant has to be sufficiently restrained. The Ministry will provide a magical collar for these  
means, which ensures that the defendant will not leave his confines. Additional wards and alarms  
have to be set up by a Ministry Official. _

_IV. The defendant is not allowed to hold possession of a wand, mix potions or use magic in any other way._

_V. For the duration of the house arrest surveillance has to be in place by at least one Auror at all times.  
On request the wizard has to allow a Ministry Official entry to his house. _

_VI. If the wizard or the defendant should violate any of the afore mentioned regulations, the defendant  
can be moved to Azkaban, without further hearing._

Sirius face was blank, as the hand holding the parchment sank down on the duvet. The slight flutter of a shake was almost imperceptible. Remus had to admire his control. Because if he knew one thing, it was that Sirius must be scared to death of going back to Azkaban.

"So they will take me back," Sirius said quietly. "When am I going?"

"No." Dumbledore said, and when Sirius head shot up, Remus could see it for a single moment. The naked fear that threatened to overwhelm him. There was no hope. There wasn't even a plea.

"You're not," Remus said, willing his voice to remain steady.

"Then where...?"

"You are going to stay with me." Remus declared firmly.

TBC

* * *

**A/N: I'm anxious to hear your opinion! Please leave a review and tell me what you think!**

* * *

**My lovely anonymous reviewers:** Thank you for coming back! Thank you for your feedback & praise! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it... **Mary: **I hope I cleared up the confusion about Harry & Sirius's whereabouts in the prologue. Lucius' reaction to Draco stealing the diary? We will find out when he does! **Lunapia:** I can promise a few more chapters to come and don't get me started on all the plot-bunnies in my head. Easter was a happy time. For confusion, see A/N at the top. **Kee: **I'm glad you liked 'The Promise', I hope I'll meet your expectations with this one. **HebHibHob: **What can I say? I'm a _fast _Drama Queen, lol. It's Sirius', Harry's and Remus' fault, they just keep blabbering in my noggin... **skarlette: **Hi! So happy to hear you liked the prequel, hope you'll like this one too. What's „ghnjfkshfls"? **BloOm: **Yes, I'm not sure a journal writing Draco is my cup of tea either. Bad news all around. Well not ALL around. See? There was some good news too in this one. Many bisous to you too!


	3. Understanding

**A/N: I'm truly sorry this took so long! I had a lot on my platter. Job-issues, health-issues, German bureaucracy... let's say it was quite exhausting! And when I'm exhausted, it's hard to slip into the characters, which is how I write. But you don't want to hear me rant about my problems. Thank you all for you comments and reviews! It made me smile when things kept refusing to go my way...**

A great big thanks to Shayla and jogger, without whom this would be so much harder and you would probably wait even longer.

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**Chapter 2 - Understanding**

_7th of December 1988_

_Dear Tom,_

_I'm feeling a little unwell today. But that might be, because I woke up in my bed this morning and can't remember for the wrath of Slytherin, how I came to be there! Obviously I went to bed yesterday evening, like I do every night, but the last thing I remember was walking back from the bathroom. Isn't that strange? Maybe I was so tired I fell asleep walking. I heard that those things can happen. But it's still weird that I managed to put on my pyjamas. _

_I would really like to hear more about your time at Hogwarts. Obviously father has told me a few things, but he is always working and has not much time. And all my other friends, like Vince and Greg, are around my age. None of them are going to Hogwarts yet. It would be great to know stuff already when I go there in three years. I hope I will be in Slytherin like father and you. Father says it is the only decent house. Mother was there too, so I hope I will make it. But that's still soo long and until then I have to put up with the old bat (Mrs. Avery)._

"_You are going to stay with me." _

-xoSox-

Sirius stared at Remus. What the hell was he thinking? Didn't he see... But the warm toffee-coloured eyes of _his friend_ were directed at him in an open invitation that was all too familiar. He had seen it so often. Remus giving and giving in. Handing over his notes for History of Magic, when Sirius never bothered to take any. Agreeing to help them with a prank, when he did not even really approve of that particular outrageous plan. And taking the scolding and the detention when they got caught, predictably, without even complaining. Cheering in the stands at Quidditch, while James and Sirius pulled their antics on their broomsticks. Listening to them boast and talk about Auror-training when he couldn't find a job. Always there, always in the background, slightly overshadowed. Giving and forgiving. When Sirius didn't even deserve it.

"No." It was all he could say, and he was grateful that he managed to sound firm.

Remus looked at him, disbelieve evident in his eyes. "You want to go back to Azkaban that badly?" he snapped and Sirius flinched, but he knew he had provoked that, deserved that.

"That's not the point." His voice was a harsh whisper.

Remus opened his mouth, probably to tell him, that quite frankly that _was_ the point, because if there was one thing which Remus was stubborn about, it was when it came to sacrificing himself for his friends. But Sirius was faster.

"I would like to speak with Albus alone for a moment," he said before Remus could voice his opinion.

Stormy grey met brittle, and for a moment there was something like a silent battle raging, but no secret messages were exchanged, all that was evident was that they didn't agree.

Finally Remus nodded and turned away, leaving the room and silently closing the door behind him, where Sirius knew he would have slammed it with a bang. But never Remus. If he had been hurt by Sirius request, he hid it well. He was too damn good at hiding. Hiding his feelings, hiding his hurt, when he was faced with rejection and prejudice. He always had been. Even when he was a little boy. And still, what Sirius needed to say, he couldn't say in front of Remus. For those very same reasons.

When Remus had left, Sirius turned towards Dumbledore, who had kept his face neutral during the exchange. Sirius glared at him. "You can't let him do this!" he growled.

Dumbledore did his single eyebrow thing, which annoyed Sirius even more. "You assume our friend would listen to me?" Dumbledore looked like he was honestly considering that.

"Okay, so you have to talk him out of it!" Sirius relented impatiently.

"Why are you so against this course of action? I would have thought you'd appreciate the offer."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, looking to the side, away from the old wizard. "I can't... they won't even let him! He is a werewolf! What makes you even think they would accept him as my... what? Prison guard? Guardian? And even if they did... can't you see how much trouble it would be for him? He is... private. He doesn't like people snooping around in his life. And if something, anything, happened, you know they would blame him as fast as you can say 'dark creature'. From what I gathered, the Ministry has not become any more lenient towards werewolves in the last seven years."

"Not much, no. Although there have been recent improvements."

Sirius head shot up, his eyes wide. Had they found-?

"Not a cure." Dumbledore said, and Sirius once more wondered if it was a keen perception of human nature, or simply Legilimency that made the old man that sharp-sighted. He almost didn't hear what the wizard said next. "There have been recent discoveries that can make it easier for those like Remus. Still, it is rather difficult and experimental yet. But that is not what you wanted to talk about in private."

"I don't want to take advantage of him like that." Sirius said quietly.

"I can understand that, but I'm afraid I have to agree with Remus. It is the only option, if you don't want to go back to your old cell, a little more reinforced this time around of course. I was under the impression, that you would rather avoid that."

Sirius nails cut into the palms of his fists, as he tried to fight down the panic that thought evoked in him. He swallowed audibly. "I would. Believe me, it's the last thing I ever want. Or almost. There is one thing I want even less. I only have this one friend left. I don't want Remus to put himself in danger because of me."

"Like you did, when you staged yourself as James and Lily's secret-keeper?"

Sirius closed his eyes against the painful memories. "That was different."

"Was it?"

"Yes! For one thing it was no use at all. I was never in danger. I should have kept to the plan. I should have become the secret-keeper. It should have been me. And if they would have killed me, then the secret would have died with me."

"No. It wouldn't have."

"What? Of course it would! I would never have given up their secret! I would never have betrayed them!"

"That is not what I am saying, Sirius. I'm sure you would not have betrayed James and Lily." It was Sirius time to raise an eyebrow now, and he felt a strange satisfaction, when the old headmaster gave him an apologetic smile. "But James and Lily would have wanted their friends to know where they are, would have wanted to see them. Alice and Frank. Remus. Peter. Of course they could not have told anyone, not as long as you were alive. But..."

Sirius raised his head in understanding. He had studied the magic of the Fidelius Charm quite thoroughly back then. How could that have escaped him? "When I would have died..."

"The moment your heart stopped, they'd all have become secret-keeper. Including Peter. And he would have told his _master_ and everything would have happened just the same. Only you would have been dead too. It wasn't your fault, Padfoot. It has always been Peter's. And Voldemort's. But never yours."

Sirius stared at his friend in the open door way. Had he been listening all that time? Or had he just now come back into the room? He didn't know, and he couldn't think through the indescribable chaos of feelings raging in side of him. Not his fault... How very much he wanted to believe that.

"I'm glad, do you hear me?" Remus went on, crossing the room until he stood directly in front of Sirius, for the first time towering over the taller man, due to his position. "I'm glad it happened this way, because I thought I lost all of you. For seven years, I thought I lost everything important in my life and I didn't. I didn't. And I am glad."

"Remus..."

"No! You don't get a say in this do you hear me? I'm not a boy anymore who ambles along after you! I will not let your stubbornness destroy this chance! You were _so_ close to dying on me!" Remus thumb and index finger indicated, that his distance to death had been less than half an inch.

"But you can't..."

"And if you say 'werewolf' now, Sirius Black, I swear I will do the most unspeakable things to you! That is _my_ problem, do you hear me? Mine! I'm the one who dealt with it since I was five, I can deal with it now!"

"Why is it that your problems are your problems and my problems are your problems as well? Don't I get any?"

Remus had his mouth open for more, when he met Sirius eyes and narrowed his own in a frown. "No," he said finally and firmly, but there was an odd twinkle in his eyes, that matched the one of his friend. "No. Since everyone knows how irresponsible you are, I will attend to them and you don't get a say."

_"Irresponsible?_" Sirius cried in outrage, but there was a distinct note of mocking in it.

"You charmed the Slytherin toilets to explode when people were _sitting _on them!"

"I was _thirteen_!"

"Yeah well...," Remus glared to his left, where he could have sworn he had heard a snicker coming from the third person in the room, "you can prove that you have matured when you're living with me!" he finished triumphantly, patted Sirius on the shoulder and strolled out of the room.

"We were just leaving," he said with a charming smile to the nurse, who had just arrived to remind them of the end of visiting hours.

-xox-

Mrs. Weasley had told him to come down and eat his cereal, since he hadn't finished his breakfast before. She made it sound like a question, but Harry knew it really wasn't.

_'Don't you want to come down and eat your cereal, Harry dear?'_

There was no way that Harry could have said no and get away with it. And he wanted to. He didn't want to eat his cereal. He didn't want to eat anything. The thought alone made him feel even sicker.

_'It's good for you. You need fiber to become big and strong.'_

Big and strong. It would be nice to be not such a pathetic weakling, but Harry had eaten a lot of cereal in his life already, especially since he seldom got anything else than this and dry toast for breakfast at the Dursley's. It never had made him strong and certainly not big.

But Harry still nodded and got up, following Mrs. Weasley out of the room. It was better to obey, to do what she wanted. If she wanted him to eat cereal, he would try. Even if it tasted like dust and made him feel like retching.

The twins and Ginny had gone outside apparently and Percy too was nowhere in sight, when Harry and Mrs. Weasley came back in the kitchen. But Ron was still sitting at the long table, hands fidgeting with a large glass of milk.

"Drink your milk, Ronald," his mother said, guiding Harry towards the table. She always did that. Guiding Harry with a hand on his shoulder, or his back. It was strange. As if she didn't trust him to do things on his own. It was irritating too and Harry couldn't help but feel relieved, when the hands were withdrawn. He didn't like to be touched. It always made him uncomfortable and wary.

"I have to look after the chicken." Mrs. Weasley said and reached out to stroke or ruffle Harry's hair. He shied away, pretending to bow down and pull up his sock, but she had noticed, he could hear it in the extra cheer in her voice. "Eat up sweetheart, okay? And remember you can have as much as you like."

"Why can't I have as much as I like?" Ron asked with a frown.

"You drink your milk!" was all the answer he got.

When the door closed behind Mrs. Weasley and the two boys were alone in the room, Harry dared a quick glance up at the other boy. Was he angry because Harry got food and he didn't? But the only thing he could see in Ron's open face was curiosity.

"Ginny said you cried," the redhead said.

Harry ducked his head deeper over his bowl. He knew he was weak and pathetic, and obviously Ron thought the same. They all probably thought the same. He had yet to eat and chose that moment to shove some of the softening cereal into his mouth. The taste almost made him gag, but he forced himself to chew and swallow. Everything was better, than to face the snide expression, that was sure to grace Ron's features.

There was some shuffling on the other side of the table, and then Ron asked in a voice that sounded very unsure, "Don't you like it here?"

Harry stilled and slowly looked up. Ron was biting his lip and looked at him with uncertainty rather than a sneer. "It's not so bad, you know. I mean, I know we're not rich like other wizards, but it's nice in the summer around here. We play Quidditch on the field behind the house a lot. It's a little cramped sometimes in the winter. Fred and George are always up to something, but they are alright. Percy can be a little annoying, but he'll be back at school soon. Really, it's not so bad."

Harry didn't know what to say and simply nodded.

"Mum likes you, you know."

Harry straightened, looking surprised. "She does?" he asked.

"'Course. It's always 'Harry dear this' and 'Harry love that'."

Harry looked mortified. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He couldn't imagine Ron being too keen on his mother liking another boy. Dudley had always protested at the smallest hint of his aunt being nice to him. Not that it had happened often. But he also couldn't really believe that Mrs. Weasley liked him. Why should she? He always said stupid things, that made her yell or drop potatoes.

Ron shrugged. "I don't mind. Gets her of my case some, I guess."

"She yells." Harry said in a low voice, as if he wasn't sure he could really say it out loud.

Strangely enough Ron grinned. "Oh yeah. Especially at Fred and George. They come up with something new to set her off almost every day," he said cheerfully.

Harry looked at him astonished. Ron made it sound, as if they did it on purpose. "Why?" he asked.

Ron shrugged again. "Guess it's fun. They had a bet running once, who could make her head go this really deep red more often in one week."

"What happened?" Harry asked aghast.

"They had to break it off, because Mum couldn't tell them apart well enough. They said, it spoiled the results."

"But..." Harry looked confused. "Wasn't she angry? Didn't she punish them?"

"Of course. Man, she yelled so much her voice was almost gone for a day."

Harry still couldn't comprehend why Ron was talking about that so lightly. "Didn't... didn't she... you know?"

Ron frowned. "Didn't she what?"

"Punish them."

"Oh yeah, they had to de-gnome the garden single-handedly for the whole summer AND didn't get dessert for a WEEK!"

"But didn't she... you know... h-hit them?" he whispered.

"No! Of course not... Why would she do that?"

Harry looked at him dismayed. Had he said something wrong? "I-I-I just thought," he stammered, "because she yells so much and she seems really angry, and there were those slaps and I thought... when she'd get _really_ angry... it's just that my uncle yelled like that and... I didn't know. I'm sorry."

Ron looked at him with round eyes. "Did your uncle _hit_ you? For real?"

_Oh_. Harry bit his lip, he didn't know if admitting it wouldn't be the wrong thing to do, but he had already said too much. "S-Sometimes."

Ron stared at him with his mouth hanging open. "J-just a little. When I was bad." He didn't really know why he said that. But maybe Ron would think he was really awful and stupid and weak if his uncle had to hit him. So he lied. He knew his uncle had not hit him just a little, at least he thought that a few times had been more than a little, like that one time with the belt. That had been really bad. But after that Sirius had taken him away from there. Sirius hadn't liked it, that his uncle had hit him. But Sirius was different than most people.

Ron didn't seem too much appeased by his words, though. He was still staring. "Sirius didn't like it," Harry blurted out. "He said it wasn't right. That's why he took me away!"

Ron slowly nodded. His mouth was still hanging open. He swallowed. "Y-You seem to l-like h-_him_ a lot really." He hesitated. "Black, I mean."

"Sirius." Harry whispered.

"S-Sirius." Ron breathed, as if saying the name of a mass-murderer in such a personal way, might call him directly to your door.

"I-I do." Harry said, still very quietly. "He... he likes me too. He is my godfather."

"What does that mean?"

"It means my parents wanted him to take care of me when something happened to them." Harry explained, like Sirius had explained it to him.

"But... but he killed all those people, didn't he?"

Harry bit his lip. "I-I don't think so."

"But that's what they said on the Wireless and in the Prophet. That's what my Mum and Dad say." Obviously Ron thought the latter outweighed any other source by far.

"Sirius said he didn't," Harry whispered.

Well that was what you called a stalemate.

-xox-

Sirius eyes were closed and he was drifting in that pleasant state just before you fall asleep, when reality has already slipped away, and nightmares cannot yet reach you, and you just feel the warmth of the blankets and the heaviness of your limbs.

Sleep was reaching out his hands to him, and if he heard the door opening and closing it meant nothing to him in this cozy place. There was a clonking sound coming closer and he felt sleep retreat again, but still could not give meaning to the noise when it abruptly stopped. There was a noise like a harrumph next to him, and it was softer than all the noises before, but it was this sound, which made him jerk up startled.

The room had fallen dark, but right there at the end of his bed, the darkness was more solid, thicker and deeper. A fear ripped through his body, that was neither distinct nor rational. But for just a moment it was all consuming. His heart felt like it was hammering inside his dry mouth and there suddenly seemed to be no air in the room anymore. But he couldn't succumb to it. _He is dead. He is dead! _He struggled against the dizziness and forced his mouth to speak.

"Who are you?" His voice sounded gruff and wrong in his own ears, but at least it didn't waver.

"Oh. How rude of me." An unapologetic voice said, and suddenly the room was basked in light, and right in the middle stood the pale, glowing figure of Lucius Malfoy.

For an instant Sirius eyes widened before they narrowed to glinting slits. "What are you doing here?" he hissed.

"Why, dear _cousin_, inquiring about your health of course."

"Leave it, Malfoy. We both know you don't give a rat's ass about my well-being, so why are you here?"

"Really, this vulgarity. One could think you grew up with _muggles_ rather than in one of the oldest pureblood families." Lucius stepped closer running the tip of his cane up over the sheets on Sirius left leg. It took all his strength to not only keep from flinching away, but also keep his expression blank and neutral. "But you're right of course," Lucius went on, "I'm not awfully interested in your well-being. But what I am interested in, is the state of your health. More particularly, if you are ready to be released. There is after all a nice room waiting for you at Azkaban. I even managed to get you the seaside view."

That smile. That horrid hateful smile. That smile had once haunted him for months. But he had been a boy then, just fifteen, afraid of what the older boy knew, and what he might do with that knowledge. Knowledge about others, especially _that_ kind, was a weapon. That much he had understood back then, because his father had wielded that weapon exceptionally well. And the worst was that he couldn't tell anyone, not only because no one could know, but because there was no one there. He was alone.

But he was not a boy anymore. And compared with all the pain and suffering of the years since his fifth year at Hogwarts, Lucius Malfoy could not scare him anymore. Make him nauseous, that maybe. But not afraid. No, he did not have that power over him anymore and maybe he had never had.

"That's awfully kind of you," Sirius said and forced himself to lean back against his pillows in a relaxed way. He might not be afraid of Lucius, but that didn't mean he liked the vulnerable position he was in front of the man. "I hope your dear sister-in-law won't get jealous. I hear they locked her in the dungeons to smother all that yapping. Say, did you make it an outing for the whole family? I'm sure that sprog of yours would like to get to know his aunt Bella better."

It was only a small twitch at the corner of the blond man's eye, but it was a small victory and Sirius wasn't in a position to be picky. He grinned.

Narrowing his eyes Malfoy bent down a little, hovering over the thin wizard in the hospital bed. "You might think you are safe now, because that twit Dumbledore defends your miserable hide, but you will soon see that he doesn't yield the power to break you free," he hissed. "He has always been too weak to grab it, or he would have become Minister a long time ago." Lucius chuckled and stepped back from the bed. His voice taking on the sound of boredom again. "He was a fool to leave his position in the Wizengamot. In the end it will be us who decide your verdict and I will see to it, that the wizarding world will finally be wiped of the disgrace that you have been from the day you were born."

And the smile was back.

"Funny." Sirius said with a hard glint in his eyes. "And here I thought such a fine pureblood member of the wizard society like you would think it was a disgrace to run sniffling after every whim of an insane half-blood, licking his shoes. But maybe we just have different priorities."

He got another twitch from that.

"Speaking of your pathetic little baby brother, Black?" Lucius said, smiling through his teeth. "The little weakling who couldn't stomach _real _power? Do you know he wet his pants at the end? Do you dream of his cries for his big brother to help him?"

Sirius made a move as if to lunge at Lucius, but something was holding him back. Restrictive spells designed to keep the prisoner in the bed. His hands clenched into fists around the sheets. "Were you there?" he growled and had Malfoy been a lesser man, he would have sullied his own robes under the hate-filled stare directed at him. As it was it just aroused an answering glint in the icy pale eyes, as they studied the younger wizard, bound to the bed, chest heaving and silky black hair hanging wild.

"Would you like to know, Black? How he died? His last words? If he thought of you? If he _forgave_ you? Would you like me to tell you? I wonder what you would be _willing_ to do for me in return."

Sirius forced himself to take a deep calming breath. He knew what Lucius was up to. "You don't know anything," he said after a moment of silence, and his voice was low and firm. "Nothing you have to say is of any interest to me. So why don't you stop wasting both our time and scuttle off to that harpy you call wife and let me get my beauty sleep?"

To his utter dismay, Lucius Malfoy laughed. "Well you most certainly need it. Very well. We'll see each other soon enough I imagine. Just remember, _Sirius_, in the end it will be me tipping the scales."

And then the blond wizard turned towards the door. When he opened it, he distinguished the lights with a flick of his wand. But before he walked out, in the renewed darkness of the room, Sirius heard him whisper.

"Does it eat you up, that you will _never_ know?"

-xox-

It was late already, far beyond the boys bed time, when Harry carefully snuck down the staircase. He was really thirsty and thought he might be able to get a glass of water without anybody seeing him. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were still up and talking in the living room. Harry could see the sliver of light illuminating a narrow stripe of the floor in the hall. There seemed to be a third person in the room, because there was another male voice, which Harry didn't know. He was just about to scurry past the door, when the foreign voice said something that made him freeze immediately.

"Really? He kidnapped Harry Potter?"

"Haven't you read the papers, Bill? It was all over them." Mr. Weasley's voice.

"Not in Egypt, it wasn't. Only the escape. But it didn't make the front page either. They have their own problems down there. Why should they care if a prisoner escapes in England?"

"Because he is dangerous! Almost as much as You-know-who!" Mrs. Weasley's voice this time.

"I highly doubt that. He was not much older than I am now, when he was arrested. You think he held the same power like the darkest wizard of the age? That's the Prophet spraying nonsense, Mum!"

"Well, he was powerful enough to blow up an entire street and callous enough to take that poor boy out of his home and beat up his muggle uncle. He was on the run with Harry for almost four months! The poor boy is traumatized!"

"Hm. Dumbledore seems to believe differently though, doesn't he? Still, it's all a little strange don't you think? I always thought the prisoners in Azkaban go mad almost immediately? So how did he manage all that? How did he escape in the first place? He was there for seven years!"

"He has gone mad! From what I gather, he actually attempted to _raise_ Harry! Putting all kinds of nonsense in the boys head. No wonder he is so timid. Can you imagine what it must be like to live with a madman like Black? Thank god they found him!"

There was a little laugh coming from the stranger. "Well, there was a time, when I would have given anything to be raised by Sirius Black!"

If Harry hadn't already been intrigued by the stranger until then, he certainly was now. Quietly he sneaked closer to the door and listened.

"What!"

"I remember him, you know. Sirius. He used to hang out with Uncle Fabian and Uncle Gideon." A strange sound like a choked sob came from the room. It sounded like Mrs. Weasley. But it was the stranger who went on, sounding wistful. "I remember once, when I was at their place for the weekend, he came around. They were charming this muggle box, that shows those moving pictures and we were watching the whole evening and ate exploding popcorn. It was great. And then the next day, he let me ride on his motorbike. It could fly, you know. God, I thought he was the coolest!"

"How can you even say something like that, Bill! Godric's hat! You are talking about a mass-murderer!" Mrs. Weasley cried.

"Fly? Really?" Mr. Weasley spoke up again, sounding very eager. "They don't fly normally, do they?"

"Arthur!"

"No, he charmed it," the stranger said, obviously amused. "He took me for a ride. Just a short one, but it was great! Don't you remember I wished for a flying motor-bike the next Christmas?"

"I can't believe you did something so irresponsible and dangerous! And _he_! With a little boy! I would have killed him, if I had known! But that is exactly the attitude of all of the Blacks. They never cared about the law or about what was right. Up to their necks in the Dark Arts, those. They only ever did what they wanted and what served their own goals. It should not have come as a surprise that _he _turned out just the same!"

"Mum! Don't you think there is a difference between charming a muggle motor-bike and mass-murder? That he did the first doesn't mean he did the latter..."

"There is evidence, Bill. And just because he took you flying on a motor-bike and charmed a ten-year-old with being 'cool' doesn't make him a good person, I'm sorry."

"No. But he was kind to me. I was an over-eager ten year old boy, who hero-worshipped him and was probably rather annoying. And he took the time to explain stuff and talk to me, not just at me. He was what... twenty back then? Most wouldn't have cared less about the bothersome nephew of their friends. And he _was_ friends with Gideon and Fabian, and they were the best, and they didn't make friends lightly."

"He deceived them. Like he deceived everybody back then. Like he deceived the Potters. If it wasn't for him, they could still be alive!"

The last was almost shouted, and the silence that followed was heavy. Harry didn't even dare to breath.

"Are you talking about the Potters or Gideon and Fabian?" the other, Bill, asked quietly after a while.

"He was the spy in the Order! They were ambushed! Outnumbered! They didn't even stand a chance!" It was clear, that Mrs. Weasley was crying by then, as her words became choked. "And he would have known! Maybe he even planned it! How can you defend the man who killed your uncles!"

TBC

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**A/N: Okay. I'm not sure what to think about this. And you? What do you think? **

**Reviews are my cookies. Give the author cookies. She needs them really bad.**

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**Bloom: **I think hating Molly is okay at this point. It is expected. ;) Tommy Boy probably won't decide his 'heart's desire' is to live a secluded life and tend sheep. Ah, one can hope. And PLEASE never be afraid to give your opinion. There's no way you could make a bigger fool out of yourself than me and my abhorrent commas. Bisous en retour! **HebHibHob: **Happy to be making your day! Call me awesome again and you make mine! :) **lunapia: **Thanks for your comments! No, Molly doesn't know all that happened to Harry. She thinks he is this shy and flighty because he was kidnapped and well, obviously the muggles couldn't be to great or Harry would stay with them. But she doesn't know the details. **llcampbell:** You are VERY welcome! I love you too! And once more, sorry for the torture! **Frankie:** Hey. Thank you so much. I'm glad the emotions get through in my writing. And do you really think I would keep them apart forever? **Mary: **Didn't you tell me you got an account? Lol! Well, I'm really glad you don't think I'm bashing Molly. I was a little worried. I totally think she acts with good intention. But a lot of them pave the ways to hell. Your request about Peter? Might just get granted. **wordstopen: **Very good. If Remus is investigated he won't qualify. So we will have to see what's up with that, won't we? Next chapter. ;) **R: **Glad you liked TP and like this so far. Like always I'm doing my very best with updates. Really. I'm not lazing around in a deck-chair or anything. **Shana: **Thank you. Happy to hear that! **rosesxnxrain's sister: **Thank you for your review. Glad you liked.

**I really hope I haven't forgotten anybody! The new message-system of the side mixed up everything. But I love ALL your reviews! Thank you so much! And now: Give me more! Pretty, pretty please...?**


	4. Reinforcement

**A/N: **Here we are. This time I was a lot faster than I would have thought. Maybe you'll appreciate it. Or maybe not. I'm quite proud.

Thanks to Shayla for taking the time once more, if you look quite closely there is a little change to your homage, honey!

And last - like always - thanks to all you wonderful reviewers! I love you all, you are the best!

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**Chapter 3 - Reinforcement**

_13th_ _of December 1988_

_Dear Tom,_

_I think I might be losing my mind. Remember that I told you I fell asleep coming from the bathroom the other night? Well this time it was almost scarier. Today after breakfast Father left for the Ministry, and I thought I could sneak out to fly with his old racing broomstick. But the last thing I remember was, that I went up to my room for my coat, and then I woke up in the armchair in the library later. What in Salazar's name is wrong with me? Do you know anything about sleepwalking? I read up on it, and it seems that you have to be asleep before and then get up and walk around while sleeping. I don't know what to do, I don't want to ask Father, maybe he'd get angry. He doesn't like it when I'm weak. And Mother is still visiting that school friend of hers in France. But what if I am seriously ill? What do _you _think I should do?_

-xoSox-

Harry had been holding his breath in the resounding silence that followed Mrs. Weasley's words.

After a while there was the sound of someone clearing his throat, and then Mr. Weasley's voice. "It's late, we better head to bed if we still want to get some sleep. And I have an early day at the Ministry tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired too. I guess I'm with Percy?"

"Yes, dear." Mrs. Weasley was trying for her usual cheerfulness, but lacked conviction. "I made up Charlie's bed for you. But try not to wake Percy. He was insistent that he needed his sleep. He is off to school tomorrow then you'll have some more space."

"Okay. And don't worry, I'll be quiet."

Harry had only listened with half an ear. He was still too agitated by what he had heard. Who were Gideon and Fabian? And why did Mrs. Weasley think Sirius had killed them? How could she think Sirius had done all those horrible things? It was as if she was talking about a totally different person, and Harry actually wondered, if there had been a misunderstanding and Mrs. Weasley was maybe talking about someone else, if there was a different Sirius, who had done all those bad things and now everybody thought it had been his godfather. But then that didn't seem very likely, did it? It wasn't only Mrs. Weasley. There had been those men at the cabin. Even Remus had thought Sirius was bad, at first, when he had found them. And he knew him since they had attended school together. But Remus didn't believe those bad things anymore now. So why did all the others not understand? Maybe Remus could explain it... maybe then everything would become alright. If only he could talk to Remus. If only he could be with Sirius.

His thoughts were running a mile per minute, and when a tall figure suddenly emerged in front of him he jumped fearfully and, backing away from it, toppled over something heavy, sending it crashing to the ground.

Harry froze.

"Bill? Is everything alright, dear?" came Mrs. Weasley's voice from the living-room.

"Yeah, don't worry!" the young man in front of Harry called back. "I just stumbled over the umbrella stand. Nothing's broken." Then the man smiled at Harry and winked.

For a moment Harry just stood there, frozen in place, staring at the man, waiting. But when he just kept smiling and no fist came swinging at him, no foot hauled off for a kick, Harry started to almost unconsciously back away and then he turned around and ran, back up the stairs and into the orange room he shared with Ron.

Leaning back against the closed door he panted heavily, listening for footsteps that would follow him, but right now the only sound were the soft snores coming from Ron's bed. He hesitated for a moment. He felt wide awake, and much too agitated to sleep, but his options right now were rather limited. He couldn't go downstairs, because the Weasleys were there, and the last thing he wanted was to come across Mrs. Weasley tonight. He wasn't sure why that young man, Bill, had covered for him, but then he wasn't sure if he would leave it at that either. What if he told them right now, that Harry had listened in on their conversation? What would they do? With his uncle, there would have been a beating, maybe not right away, but surely in the morning. But he had no clue what the Weasleys would do. Ron had seemed surprised that his uncle would hit him, but maybe the Weasleys just didn't hit their own children. His cousin Dudley had certainly never gotten so much as a slap. Swallowing hard he crept back into his bed and pulled the sheets up to his nose. He could only wait and see what was coming. There was nothing he could do about it after all. All the cereal in the world wouldn't change that.

-xox-

Sirius was woken by the sound of the door opening and soft timid footsteps. His eyes snapped open and he turned towards the sound sharply, for a moment expecting pale blond hair and a haughty sneer. He was a little surprised to find a woman standing just inside the door watching him with a warm, if somewhat shy, smile. There was something vaguely familiar about her, but Sirius couldn't place her. She certainly looked too old for someone he had dated, and didn't have that vibe of reproach either. Actually the way she looked at him reminded him more of Eleanor Potter. He frowned. In some far corner of his mind something nudged him, but he couldn't get a hold of it.

"Good morning, Mr. Black," the woman said with a voice matching the warm smile. "I'm glad to see you are better. I was very worried about you."

Sirius looked at her with a puzzled frown. "I'm sorry," he said and his voice gave away his confusion. "Do I know you?"

The woman came towards the bed, pulling her wand out of her plain robes. Sirius eyes widened and he drew backwards. The woman immediately lowered her wand and smiled at him reassuringly but demure.

"Oh. You probably don't remember. You were rather dazed by the fever and..." She gave him a sorrowful look. "Well, you weren't in a very good condition." She came closer to the bed and looked him over. Her movements seemed professional, but her eyes were fond. "I'm Mrs. Brisby. I have been your appointed healer during your time at the Ministry, although I have to say that my estimation did not seem to be favoured a lot."

"You were... the hands. And a potion..."

"Yes. That was me." She looked at him sadly. "I am very sorry, that I could not do more. I-I tried..."

"Thank you." He said it firmly and seriously, because he understood that even trying must have cost her.

"Oh, no, there is no need!" She shook her head vehemently. "I should have... I tried to get you moved to St. Mungo's sooner, but there were higher powers and... I'm just glad that you are doing better now."

She reached out, almost unconsciously it seemed, to smooth out his hair. It was a strangely intimate gesture, but unlike with his visitor from last night there was no threat at all, and before he could contemplate how to react, it was over and she was straightening the sheets an the end of the bed.

"To tell you the truth, I am still your appointed healer," she said without looking at him. "They want me to evaluate the possibility of sending you back to Azkaban." She shuddered. "So it would be rather good, if you could tell me that you still feel very weak and unwell." And then she looked at him hopefully and Sirius had to smile.

-xox-

"Wizard Law of Procedure. Article ninety-two."

Albus Dumbledore strode into the office of the Minister of Magic with the air of a man who had been begged to take the office more than once, and always artfully declined, knowing that the power he held by his name and reputation alone would suffice for his goals, or at least those he dared to pursue.

The Minister of Magic himself, a man with a much lesser reputation, who had to suffer the first demands to resign after only six month of service, jumped in his seat and then frowned in disgust at the older wizard in front of his desk, who once more looked down his long nose at him.

"What is it this time, Dumbledore?"

The Minister made no effort to hide the annoyance in his voice, although he would rather have managed to hide the hint of fear. Albus Dumbledore was an impressive man if he chose to be, and he _had_ chosen to be just a few days ago. His eyes had been as hard as diamonds and his voice had lacked the familiar politeness and what the Minister once had thought of as good-naturedness, when he had told Cornelius Fudge in no uncertain terms exactly what he thought about pressuring a man who was barely conscious into a confession.

"Wizard Law of Procedure, Article ninety-two. I brought a copy, in case you are not familiar with this particular wording of our law." He placed a parchment on the Minister's desk, and Fudge grabbed it rather forcefully, scanning the first lines.

"And why exactly am I reading this?" Fudge asked, trying to sound like a man who was giving patience where it wasn't deserved.

"Because I'm pleading a case that falls under the conditions of said law. Sirius Black has been imprisoned without a trial, has been tortured and pressured to confess under your authority, causing a state of health that is still rather alarming. Under no circumstances can he be subjected to the environment of Azkaban. It could quite possibly lead to him not surviving the trial."

"Of course he has to go back to Azkaban! Where else could we possibly hold him? He is a dangerous-"

"If I could encourage you to read the wording of this law, it should be evident, that there is another possibility," Dumbledore said mildly. Fudge hated it when he spoke to him in this tone. It made him feel like a school-boy rather than the most powerful man of the wizarding society of Britain.

Still, with a sigh that was designed to tell Dumbledore that he was really starting to waste his very valuable time, he read on.

_...another wizard is willing and able to vouch for the defendant and provide accommodation..._

"You must be joking! You want to shack up with Black in your quarters at Hogwarts?" For a moment the Minister forgot his upper-class accent which he had so thoroughly practiced over the years. "A mass-murderer in a school?"

"Don't be silly, Cornelius." Dumbledore scolded him with the sigh of a patient parent. "Of course that would be neither convenient nor appropriate. But my assistant, Mr. Lupin, has kindly offered to make arrangements. Due to his condition his cottage is rather secluded, so that shouldn't be a problem." Dumbledore smiled.

"His condition? You mean, him being a werewolf! This alone should disqualify him!"

"I'm afraid you are mistaken about this. Nowhere in the Act of Werewolf Rights is a clause that excepts werewolves from this law. The conclusive exceptions are in fact stated right there, if you are inclined to read a little further?"

_...has to be of age and have a sufficient magical education ['Exceeds Expectations on N.E.W.T level for DADA and Charms or equivalent]._

Aha. "Surely a werewolf has no-"

"Outstanding. In both subjects." Dumbledore said kindly. "You will also find, that he has of course no criminal record."

_Wizards who have a criminal record, or are under current investigation do not qualify._

"Investigation!" Fudge cried triumphantly. "He was under investigation just until a few days ago!"

"Yes." Dumbledore said, without losing his smile. "But _currently_ he is not, as you have been so kind to instruct the Auror department to abandon any further investigations, when I suggested it."

"You... you did this on purpose!" Fudge growled. "You knew you wanted to pull this when you pushed me to let Lupin go!"

Dumbledore stood straight with his one eyebrow risen high on his forehead. "Surely you would not have given such an order, if you were not convinced of Mr. Lupin's innocence?"

He had been convinced of no such thing. But Dumbledore had like so often given him no choice. The last thing he wanted was a headline stating that precious Harry Potter had almost been kissed by a Dementor in the very heart of the Ministry, during a procedure he had ordered.

"I thought Black was on his way to recovery?" He tried a different tactic. "If you think I will let you send your school nurse once more to give a statement to your liking, I have to disappoint you."

"Oh no, of course not." Dumbledore shook his head, like that idea was ridiculous. "No, I asked your very own appointed healer to check on Mr. Black's state of health."

Fudge looked at Dumbledore with a frown.

"I think her name is Mrs. Brisby, if I recall correctly? A quite charming young woman."

An image of a middle-aged woman with a righteous attitude formed in the Minister's mind. From what he remembered, she was neither young nor charming. She had been rather annoying in her efforts to get Black better conditions to recover... Oh, Merlin's Great Grandaunt!

"How very forthcoming of you," the Minister said with a strained smile that made his cheeks hurt.

Merlin knew, he hated Albus Dumbledore.

-xox-

Harry had lain awake until late in the night. There was no thinking about sleeping. His whole small body was so tense it was near breaking point. He listened with a rapidly beating heart to the noise of footsteps and doors closing and water running as the older Weasleys went to bed. When the sounds ceased and the house laid quietly in the soft glow of the half-moon, Harry's eyes were still wide open and his small fists clenched the sheets.

It had been ten days. Ten days since he had come to the Weasleys. Ten days since he had left the cabin, that had become his home. Ten days of fear, of confusion, of anxiously waiting for the blow that had yet to come. Ten days of Mrs. Weasley's overly cheerful smiles and hot chocolate that he started to hate, because if he liked it, it felt like betrayal. Because more than anything it had been ten days of hearing how horrible his beloved godfather was, how cruelly he had deceived Harry, how he didn't really love him, how he was a murderer and had done the worst things imaginable. He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to scream. He felt the need to scream at the top of his lungs deep inside his bowels, but he had to hold it in because he knew he could not. He had been lucky there had been no consequences of that screaming and crying fit, when he told them Sirius was about to die and they had to go and help him.

After he lost consciousness in the dungeons, after Sirius had ripped him out of the slimy hands of that cloaked thing, he had woken up in the same hospital Sirius was. They had kept him there for two days, examining him with those wooden sticks, which he had learned were wands. Sirius had still been asleep when he had finally been sent back to the Weasleys' on Christmas Day. He had been so very scared for his godfather, although Remus had said he would be alright. At the Weasleys' he had arrived in the middle of the festivities, which had made him even more awkward. The cheerfulness of Mrs. Weasley had reached an almost unbearable level. He had tried to fade into the background, like he always had at the Dursley's during Christmas celebrations, while Mrs. Weasley ranted about what an irresponsible fool 'Lupin' was to trifle with Harry's life like that, and that between him and 'Black' it was a miracle that he was still alive. She obviously thought she was speaking low enough for him to not hear her, but Harry had a pair of very good ears.

When she dragged him into the celebrations, while he felt the farthest from joyful he ever felt at any Christmas Day he could remember, he endured it, feeling strangely exposed sitting between the happy members of this family. He had even got a present. A jumper, which Mrs. Weasley had knitted obviously in a hurry. It was too big around the middle, but he was used to that. Feeling embarrassed he thanked her, and couldn't stop thinking of how he had looked forward to celebrating Christmas with Sirius at their cabin, about the presents Sirius had hinted he was getting him, and how he had bought one for his godfather himself, and later found to his dismay, that he must have lost it in the blizzard. He wondered how Sirius was, and if he would get any presents at all, and waited for a good moment to slip away from the alien turmoil and laughter.

Ten days. One joyful one, when Professor Dumbledore had come and told the Weasleys, that Harry needed to accompany him, and then told him that Sirius had woken and was well, and that Harry could visit him for a short while. He had been so happy. He had seen Sirius and he had cuddled him and he was so sure that everything would be alright now. But it wasn't. That had again been the end of it. It seemed he wasn't supposed to be happy.

Ten days. Or forever. And it seemed this was becoming permanent. Mrs. Weasley already talked about him being part of the family and just like a son. It didn't feel like that to Harry. The only person Harry felt he could ever belong to in that way was Sirius. The godfather he wasn't allowed to see. The man who had been all kinds of wonderful to him, who told him he loved him, and who the Weasleys despised for the things he was accused of. He couldn't take it anymore. If he had to bow his head and listen to those horrible stories once again he _would_ scream, and that was all kinds of bad.

He couldn't. He had to get out of here. Harry felt like the walls were closing in on him, like there was no air to suck into his lungs anymore and almost in a panic he jumped out of bed and ran. Out in the corridor it was better, but still not enough. The grandfather-clock struck four times when he crept down the stairs and grabbed his coat. Slipping into it, he snuck out the front door.

Pale moonshine lit the front yard and the street to the village and Harry breathed in the cool winter air. That was better. But what now? Where could he go? Where could he hide? With Remus? But he had no clue where the wizard lived. He didn't know where he worked, or what for that matter, he really didn't know much at all about Remus Lupin. Sirius. God how he longed to see Sirius. But he was probably still at the hospital, St. Mungo's. Could he go to the hospital by himself? He had no idea where that was either. He had traveled through the fire with Professor Dumbledore the last time, and he couldn't do that on his own. He thought he recalled that someone had said something about London. Yes the hospital must be in London, so maybe he could go there and ask someone? But then Sirius was guarded by those other wizards. And he had no idea where he himself was right now, so how would he get to London?

Harry had started to wander in the other direction, away from the village, so he wouldn't be seen. All he knew was that he had to get away from the Weasleys. It was colder than he had first expected. And a lot darker once he had left the open field and his surroundings were shielded by the thick branches from the moonlight. The shadows under the trees seemed to be even darker in comparison. Harry's heart beat fast as he thought of all those things that might be lurking in that blackness. And he still didn't know where he was going. He was scared. And tired. And cold. He tugged his coat further around him.

Then he saw the small shed under the trees on the border of a clearing he had just come to. Harry decided that it was worth a look. Maybe there was something he could use. Maybe there was a blanket. The door was locked with a bolt and with a little tugging Harry could dislodge it. He crept inside. There were no windows and it was even darker inside, but also a bit warmer. It smelled of wood and beeswax and damp clothes. Something like a cloak brushed Harry's cheek and he tugged it down and put it around his shoulders. It was so big it reached the floor. There were more garments and Harry piled them in the corner, deciding to take a rest and try to decide what to do next. At least with the cloak he was warmer and he felt just a little safer and he was really tired now, so he would just close his eyes for a moment. Just a moment and then he would make a plan, like Sirius did. Like when they were traveling, on the freight train and in the lorry and then they had been walking through the forest and there had been birds and sunshine and Sirius...

And so in a broom shed a little further into the forest behind the Burrow, a little boy with unruly black hair and round glasses fell asleep dreaming of better days.

-xox-

"What is that?"

"A wheelchair."

"What for?"

Remus raised an eyebrow at his frowning friend in the hospital bed.

"You are joking," the latter declared. "No way! You can forget about that right now, Remus Lupin. Not even Minerva McGonagall would get me into that _thing_!"

Remus gave a patient sigh. He had volunteered for this after all. Why exactly had he done that again? Ah yes, to keep his just recovered best friend out of the nightmare that was the Wizard Prison of Azkaban.

"Your health report stated that you are weak, underfed and prone to fainting."

The look Sirius gave him almost let Remus expect that his friend would do just that.

"I never fainted in my life!"

Remus again raised his eyebrow. For a moment he contemplated why he didn't just leave it right there, as a permanent expression. He surely would need to use it rather frequently while living with Sirius.

"Oh come on, that doesn't count!" Sirius complained. "You were out long before me after I dragged you out of the lake and I don't see you wheeling around in one of those."

"I don't have one foot in Azkaban, should I give the Ministry any indication that I'm able to survive it." Remus again said with all the patience he could master, and it _was_ quite a lot everything considered. "And you _are_ underfed, Padfoot. Very much so. Now don't be a baby. I thought you wanted to prove how much you have matured?"

With Sirius mumbling of Remus' arguments being unfair like usual, the painfully skinny wizard finally made attempts to creep out of bed. The restraining spells had been stretched for that purpose and he would again be spellbound to the wheelchair as soon as he took a seat.

"At least tell me you've brought me some robes?" Sirius asked, trying to tuck the hospital robes around himself awkwardly. "I don't want to flash my private parts if it isn't necessary."

Remus handed his friend a midnight-blue bundle of cloth. Sirius took it and smiled at his friend fondly.

"You remembered my favourite colour." There was surprise in his voice, but not as much as one would have thought. This was Remus after all.

Remus looked away, feeling embarrassed. "It... was just what I had at hand."

Sirius looked at him knowingly, and when he slipped into the robes they fitted perfectly.

-xox-

The winterly morning sun was trying its best to warm the sparse lawns and shining wet roofs of the Burrow. The sky was a brilliant blue, the chickens were picking at what seeds they could find, and Mrs. Weasley was cheerfully stirring the hot cocoa with a flick of her wand, as a row of bright blue breakfast bowls danced out of the cupboard and over to the table. With another flick of her wand the cutlery followed the dishes and Mrs. Weasley smiled. It was a good day.

Mr. Weasley and Percy were already off to London where Mr. Weasley would put his son on the train to school before he went to the office. And if the ruckus coming from the staircase was any indication, the other boys were up and about to arrive for breakfast.

Just as expected the twins came running in laughing just a moment later, followed by a rather disgruntled and slightly wet Ron and a sniggering Ginny.

"Fred! George!" Mrs. Weasley scolded them. "What have you done now?"

"Nothing, Mom. Just helped Ron do his ablutions," George said.

"And reminded him not to forget to wash behind the ears," Fred added.

"And where is Harry?" Mrs. Weasley asked. "I just hope you didn't help _him_ with getting dressed."

Ron shook his head. "I thought he was already down."

Mrs. Weasley frowned. "What do you mean? Isn't he still in the bathroom?"

Ron again shook his head. "No he was up way before me."

Mrs. Weasley's face grew slightly worried at that. But then Bill came into the room.

"I forgot how very bad younger siblings are for my beauty sleep," he said with a smile, pulling his shoulder long hair back in a ponytail.

"Bill!" Ginny yelled and threw herself at her brother. "When did you arrive?"

"Yesterday night. It was rather late," he explained, exchanging slaps and hugs with his grinning younger brothers. It was obvious that they were all glad to see him.

"Bill, was Harry still in the bathroom when you came down just now?"

"No, I didn't see him." When he saw the frown on his mother's face he raised his eyebrows in question. "What is it?"

"Nothing, I'm sure. But if you could take a quick look upstairs for him? I'll see if he's outside in the garden, maybe he got up early..." She sounded unsure, but like always tried to hide it behind a bright smile.

"Okay." Bill nodded, trying to squelch the bad feeling he suddenly had, when he thought of his encounter last night.

The Burrow was searched, as was the garden. But Harry was nowhere to be found.

"His coat is gone, so he must have gone outside," Mrs. Weasley said when they met again in the kitchen. She tried for a smile. "Maybe he was up early and was bored and went into the village."

"His bed was cold," Bill said quietly, "and like you said, he is rather shy. I don't see him taking a stroll in the village on his own." He paused before he looked at his mother. "Maybe he ran away."

"What?" Mrs. Weasley asked sharply. "Why would he do that? He has everything he needs here."

Bill sighed. "I found him out in the hall last night. I think he was listening."

"What do you mean?"

"I think he was listening when you said that Sirius Black is a madman and a murderer," Bill elaborated.

"Well, he is."

He rolled his eyes. "Be that as it may, it might not be that easy for Harry to hear that after he lived with him for months and obviously grew attached to him. He is only eight. It must be frightening and confusing to be torn out of a familiar environment and hear all those contradictory things. And you lot can be really overwhelming."

"What in Merlin's name do you mean by that?" Mrs. Weasley cried in outrage, becoming more agitated every second.

"He's confused. He's been through a lot. When he saw me, he drew back, like he was expecting me to hit him. And then he bolted like the devil was on his heels."

"Harry said he got hit sometimes, when he was bad."

The kitchen fell silent. Ron blushed.

"There you have it!" Mrs. Weasley hissed in outrage. "The man is a monster!"

Bill didn't answer but turned to his younger brother. "By Sirius Black?"

Ron shook his head, biting his lip. It was obvious that he felt like he was telling on the other boy, and wasn't sure if he should. "No. By his uncle," he said.

Bill raised an eyebrow at his mother. "Looks like there is a lot more in that boy's past than Sirius Black. Did you know about that?"

Mrs. Weasley shook her head, looking shocked. "No!" she said, "Dumbledore said he didn't want him back with his relatives, because they had not treated him right. But I thought they might just be rather strict and not capable of dealing with such a traumatized child..."

"I'll go looking for him outside," Bill declared, grabbing his cloak. "But maybe you should call Dad and Dumbledore."

"You really think he ran away?" Mrs. Weasley whispered, wringing her hands.

"Well, he sure as hell isn't in the house. And after all that happened, if I were him, I might have made a run for it too."

"But he's only eight years old, where would he go, the poor baby?" Mrs. Weasley worried in distress.

"That's what we've got to find out. Stop freaking. Call Dad."

And then he was gone.

The sun was shining on the Burrow.

-xox-

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"Will you ask that every step on the way?" Remus asked, sounding a little tired.

"Only if you bring me strange devices, that can't possibly be meant to be used by me. But this, dear Moony, has 'joke' written all over it. You are pulling my leg, I know it."

"I'm not pulling your leg."

"You honestly expect me to believe, that the Ministry wants me to wear this? What are they? A bunch of perverts?"

"I couldn't possibly make any assumptions about the preferences of the Auror department, but this is the state of the art confining device they use."

"It's a fucking collar!"

Remus took another deep breath. There had been a lot of those today. "Yes Padfoot, I know."

"The fucking Ministry wants me to wear a fucking collar?"

Remus looked at him a little uncomfortable and shrugged. "Well... yeah." He sighed again and made his 'Professor'-expression, as Sirius and James used to call it. "It adjusts to your neck, even if you turn into Padfoot. When you cross the threshold, or lean out of a window, or step into the fireplace it constricts until you faint. So... you should try to avoid that. It also triggers an alarm in the Ministry when you do, so there will be troops of Aurors here within seconds. Like I said. Try to avoid it."

Sirius stared at the slim black leather strap in his hands. "It's..." But he couldn't think of anything more to say, than 'It's a collar' and he had used that argument already. He sighed.

"I'm sorry, Moony. It's better than Azkaban, so I shouldn't complain. It's generous of you to do this for me. I'm grateful. Please believe me. I'm sorry."

He held out his new shackle to his friend and Remus took it reverently. It was like a symbolic act, like a prospect of the new position the other wizard would hold. Remus visibly blanched when he felt the cool and smooth leather in his hands. Quietly Sirius reached for the trembling hands of his friend.

"It's okay," he said. "I'd rather it be you, Remus. I trust you."

Remus looked at him and smiled faintly. But he still looked uncomfortable. So Sirius turned around and swept up his long black hair, exposing his neck. He felt the leather gliding against his skin. He heard the quiet click, as the buckle was latched. Then he took a deep breath and tried to fight the tremble that was running through his body.

He was trapped.

TBC

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**A/N: And now, all you readers out there, give yourself a little push. LEAVE A REVIEW! It's cookies for the author and inspiration for the muse. **

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My two loyal anonymous: **Bloom:** Again, thank you so much for your continuing praise. A bunch of kisses to you! So you didn't like Bill before? Well, then I'm glad I am the one who brought him nearer to your heart, hihi... But no need to start liking Lucius, glad you don't. But I too think them interacting is a fascinating battle. It sure is a lot of fun to write ;) **HebHibHob: **Bunch of kisses to you too! And yes, you most definitely made my day! Lucius sure is a sick ****. We haven't seen the worst of it yet, I think. I must be kind of twisted too, since I so blatantly feed your addiction. But then I guess it's rather harmless. Hope you enjoyed your fix! ;) **bookworm371: **Hey, I couldn't PM you, so on this way: Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. Hope you enjoyed!


	5. Confidence

**A/N: **So my muse had a good week and I have the next chapter ready for you. Unfortunately my beta seems to be out of Internet connection, so this is unbeta-ed. All mistakes are mine. I tried hard, people, and even took a lesson in English rules for comma usage. I do them instinctively in German, and it just works totally different in English. So I hope this is alright anyway.

This chapter is for the wonderful **jogger**, who is an endless source of understanding and reassurance for me. I love our discussions and it's a delight to find someone who has actually read the same Harry Potter books I read ;)

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**Chapter 4 - Confidence**

_15th of December_

_Tom? I'm scared... Tom? Are you still there?_

-xoSox-

When he woke up and blinked his eyes, it was still dark, and he snuggled deeper into the warmth of his covers. They smelled odd, and that's when Harry noticed that he was half leaning against a wall and not lying in bed, and for a moment he didn't know where he was. Then it all came back. The Weasleys. The conversations in the living-room. All the things that had been said. The feeling of not being able to take it for one more second. How he had ran, and how he hadn't known what to do. Finding the shed and wanting to rest.

Harry had no idea how long he had slept, or what time it was. But when he saw the faint glow coming from the direction of the door, he understood that the darkness surrounding him wasn't the darkness of the night but only that of the windowless shed. Briefly he wondered if the Weasleys were already up, and if they had noticed he was gone. Would they look for him? Probably not. The Dursleys certainly had seemed to be glad to be rid of him, he couldn't imagine the Weasleys would be distraught to have one mouth less to feed. He tucked the layers of coat up over his ears. His nose and cheeks had gotten rather cold over the night. Maybe he could just stay a little longer and warm up, before he moved on. He thought that he might be able to get to London the way he had traveled with Sirius. Find a lorry that went in the right direction. The only problem was that he was in a forest, and there were no lorries around. So he'd probably have to walk for a bit.

And then suddenly there was a noise. A noise coming from the outside. A rustling and cracking. With his heart beating faster Harry realized what the sound was. Footsteps. And they were coming closer. They were coming here. They were coming to the shed.

Harry squeezed his eyes close and shrunk deeper under the cloaks. Maybe if he remained very very quite, and didn't make a move he wouldn't be noticed. The door creaked slowly open and Harry held his breath. Buried under the clothes he waited, not even daring to blink.

"Lumos," a voice muttered, and when Harry carefully opened one eye a little, he could see through the layers of cloth that the stranger had turned on some sort of light. Then the man entered, and the steps came closer.

There was some shuffling, and then the voice quietly said, "Harry?"

Harry didn't move.

"I'm not going to hurt you okay? You don't have to be afraid."

And then the cloaks were pulled down a little, just over his head, and Harry blinked frightened in the dim light of the glowing stick the stranger held. Or not a stranger, since it was the young man he had seen last night at the Weasleys. Bill he was called. Bill was smiling at him, and for a few endless moments Harry just stared back.

"I'm glad I found you," Bill finally said and, sitting down, settled against the opposite wall. He had to pull his long legs in because it was so small inside the shed.

"I was really worried about you. Everybody was."

Bill looked around. "It was a good thing that you crept in here. It was pretty cold last night, and in this shed it's at least bearable. Still..." He waved his wand in a lazy movement, and immediately the cold dampness of the interior was replaced by a comfortable warmth.

"So... where were you going?" Bill asked conversationally after a moment, leaning back against the wall. "Did you want to go see Sirius?"

Harry looked at him with big eyes, worrying the inside of his lip. Almost not noticeable he pulled up one shoulder in something like a shrug.

Bill smiled again. "You're very fond of him aren't you? Of Sirius?"

Harry still stared wordlessly.

Bill chuckled. "I see where you're coming from. Why would you talk to a guy you don't know from Wulpert?" Cocking his head, he squinted at Harry in the wand light. "I never introduced myself yesterday. Rather rude of me, I guess." He grinned. "Now, I know that you are Harry. Harry Potter. Everybody knows that. And I am Bill Weasley. I'm Ron and Fred and George and Ginny's older brother. Well, and Charlie and Percy's." He frowned a little. "I don't always appreciate how many there are of us. Did you have any siblings when you lived with your aunt and uncle?"

Harry shook his head. "Just Dudley," he said in barely a whisper.

"He's your cousin, is he?" Bill asked.

Harry nodded.

"Do you miss him?" Bill asked again kindly.

At that Harry looked at him confused. Why would he miss Dudley? Slowly he shook his head.

Bill grinned. "Guess, you didn't get along all that well, huh?"

Harry shook his head again.

"I didn't always get along with my siblings either, but I'm the oldest, so I've got to look out for them. And mostly they are a great bunch. Of course they are also loud and obnoxious, but if you get to know them better, they are really an alright lot." Leaning his head to the side, Bill studied Harry for a moment. "I know you don't feel comfortable at the Burrow, and I can understand that, really, I can. It must be confusing and maybe a little frightening. It's all new to you, and there are so many of them, and you don't know where you fit. And my Mum... I know she can be a bit much sometimes, but she means well, and I can promise you that she would never do anything to you. She would never harm you. None of them would."

He looked at Harry, and seemed to see in his eyes that Harry wasn't convinced. He sighed. "You don't trust me. I can understand that. You don't know me and you don't have any reason to do so. I bet you don't trust too many people, huh? I won't take it personally." He smiled at him. "But I tell you what, I'm going to be at home for a few months at least. And while I am, I will look out for you too. Like a big brother. You don't have to do anything. You don't even have to talk to me much if you don't want to. But if you do, I promise I won't tell anybody about it. What do you think? Would that be alright?"

Harry looked at the young wizard and blinked. He thought about what he had said and couldn't see real harm in agreeing. He didn't seem to expect anything from him after all. And although he didn't know why, it was kind of nice to offer being something like a brother. He seemed to really mean it. There was no harm was there? So he nodded.

When Bill didn't say anything after that and just smiled at him in a relaxed and friendly way, Harry contemplated asking him something that had been burning on his mind ever since he had listened to Bill and his parents talking last night. He was unsure if he could dare to ask. He knew he wasn't supposed to. But Bill had said... and just now he had again... he swallowed, and then he whispered it in a rush.

"Do... do you know Sirius?"

Frightened he cast a quick glance at Bill, but the other wizard just smiled brightly, and then he nodded.

"From when I was a boy. Not much older than you are now. He was a friend of my uncles. Fabian and Guideon. They were the younger brothers of my mother." He grinned. "So being younger than my parents, they were almost like _my _big brothers when I grew up. I sometimes stayed with them over the weekends, and they would let me stay up until after my normal curfew, and we would eat all that Muggle stuff like Burgers and Fish and Chips and lots of chocolate. A few times Sirius came around. He was only twenty back then and really cool. I totally hero-worshipped him, and followed him around like a puppy. But he didn't mind. I think it amused him. He had this motorbike, that he had charmed so that it could fly, and one time he took me for a ride with it." Bill smiled fondly at the memories. "He was my hero."

Harry stared at the young wizard in front of him in awe. There was a warm tingling in his stomach and he smiled. It felt so unspeakably wonderful to hear someone talk like this about his godfather. Like he actually liked him. And with a smile on his face and not a scowl.

"Sirius took me flying on a broom," Harry said brightly. "And then he taught me how to do it on my own, but we still went flying together really often!"

Bill smiled at him. "I bet that was great."

-xox-

Sirius was staring at the most despicable thing he had ever seen in his life. He hated it. Hate. And of course Moony was just looking at him with that 'patient parent' face of his, silently telling him that he might want to consider acting his age. Unbeknown to most, Sirius sometimes had trouble actually remembering his age. It might have something to do with the fact that he had been twenty-one only yesterday, but then yesterday had been forever ago. Or it might be the fact that he had missed out on exactly seven birthday parties. From his twelfth birthday on out, Sirius' birthday celebrations had become more outrageous and exaggerated each year. James always had...

Sirius briefly pressed his eyes close. He really had to stop doing that. He had to face this. And it started right here. With this _thing_. It started with the wheel chair. If the only way to get out of here and NOT to Azkaban, was sitting in this monstrosity and being cart around like an imbecile then he had to do it. Because he couldn't afford not to swallow his pride again and again and again. Because he didn't think that he actually _could_ survive another stay in Azkaban. No, he had managed to not go mad in there, not fully at least, but that had been nothing more than luck and a few magic tricks and a lot of self-loathing. And that didn't mean that it hadn't been a nightmare. Every. Single. Day.

So he was thankful. He was so bloody grateful that he had not been able to convince his friend to _not _risk his life and existence helping him that he was disgusted by himself. And therefore he had to grin and bear it. All those little things that chipped away at his self-confidence, at his whole fucking identity. He was weak. He shuddered. Once more he was a weak, pathetic shit. He knew that of course, but thankfully everybody kept reminding him nevertheless. But he bore it. He just had the feeling he had to work a little harder on the grin. Because that was his role, the one he had been playing since forever, and he couldn't mess up now and let everybody see how messed up he truly was.

So he struggled to sit up and mumbled a few quips while he tried to at least keep his naked ass from view. It wasn't like Remus had not seen it hundreds of times before, but that had been while he was strutting through their dormitory or fooling around in the showers and not peeking out of a plain grey hospital gown while he tried to get his weakened limbs into a wheelchair.

And then he held the midnight blue robes in his hand, and suddenly he had the silly feeling as if he would need to fight back tears at any moment. This was Remus, and like always he had managed with the smallest thing to say and give something vitally important. Sirius knew that while Remus would surely deny doing any such thing, probably blushing in embarrassment in the process, he had put a lot of careful thought into this. Choosing something to his friend's liking. He might not understand the deeper rooted meaning this gesture held to his friend, but it was almost instinctive of Remus to care, to be thoughtful, to try to make things better just a little. And so, with such a simple thing, he told Sirius that to him he was still Padfoot. He was still himself. And for that, even more than opening his home to him, Sirius couldn't help but love Remus Lupin.

He slipped into the robes. A perfect fit. But Moony had just 'had them at hand'. Sure. He couldn't suppress a small smile. But then that vanished quickly the next moment, when three men entered the room without knocking, just barely missing seeing him even more vulnerable than he way now that he was clothed. One was Kingsley Shacklebolt, and another one looked slightly familiar, but Sirius couldn't remember the name. All three were Aurors of course. The job Sirius had once trained for as well, a new promising talent for the squad. No he was the suspect, the culprit, the criminal. Now he was their job.

"We're here to escort you and the suspect to the perimeters," the slightly familiar Auror stated in the direction of Remus.

Sirius rolled his eyes. Now he remembered. Archibald Smith had been a year above them at Hogwarts, a rather obnoxious Hufflepuff, and had later joined the Auror training with them, having failed the entrance examination the first time around. He seemed to have a rather strong resentment to James and Sirius, probably due to the many times they had beat him at Quidditch, and their annoying way to lack attention during lessons and still come out top of the class while Archibald - or 'Baldy' as James and he had dubbed him, since he already featured a receding hairline when he was twenty – was struggling. Sirius could just see how Baldy must love this.

There was a small cough to his left, and when Sirius turned in that direction he saw that it came from Shacklebolt.

"We will be waiting outside, until you and Mr. Black are ready," he said. Then he send a meaningful look in Remus direction. "If you could join me outside for just a moment, Mr. Lupin?" He sounded a little uncomfortable, and Sirius wondered briefly why that was.

Remus nodded, and with a silent nod at the door Shacklebolt directed his colleagues out of the room. Baldy looked like he wanted to protest, but it was obvious that Shacklebolt was the one in charge. Thank Merlin for small mercies.

-xox-

"She says he is bad."

Bill winced a little. He really would need to tell his mother to ease up on the subject of Sirius Black, scourge of humanity, or gaining Harry's trust would be a lost cause. He smiled apologetically at the small boy in front of him.

"I know. Quite a few people think that, actually." Bill paused, contemplating the best way to explain something so complicated to a child. "Some years ago, when you were still very little, there was a war and many bad things happened. Most people were very afraid, and they didn't know who they could still trust. There were some people who did very bad things, they killed people, and Sirius was accused to be one of them. They put him into prison. But he never had a chance to tell them his side of the story. That is what Dumbledore... you know Dumbledore, don't you?" He looked at the boy for confirmation, and when Harry nodded shyly he went on. "That is what he and Remus Lupin are working for. There will be a proper trial, and they will speak in his defence and will try to prove to the other wizards that he didn't do those bad things."

"Why can't they just believe him?" Harry asked quietly, the desperate pleading evident in his voice.

"Because there are a lot of things that seem to hint that he is guilty," Bill tried to explain. "And those other people, they don't know him like you do, and that's why they believe what seems most likely to them. Can you understand that?"

Harry thought about it for a moment, maybe he did, but it still seemed unfair. He shrugged noncommittally. After he had stared at his shoes in front of him for a while, he looked up again uncertainly.

"Bill?"

"Hm?"

"Do you believe he did those bad things?"

Bill suppressed a sigh. He understood that his answer to this question would tip the scales in regard to the way Harry would see him from this day on out. If he wanted to help the boy, and he did, he would need to earn his trust. Therefore, there would be no way to avoid a straight answer, and he was sure that Harry would know if he told a lie. He needed to be very careful about what he said, and this was a question he had asked himself a lot in the last hours. What did he believe? He had told Harry that Sirius was his childhood hero, and that was the truth. When he remembered him with the eyes of a ten-year old, there was no way he could ever believe that man capable of the things he had been accused of. But Bill was not ten years old anymore, and he knew what evidence pointed to the other wizard. He knew there had been eye-witnesses. He knew that there had been some kind of magic bond with the Potters that he apparently had to betray for You-know-who to find them. But he was also a rather idealistic young wizard, and believed that everyone should have the right to defend themselves. And it bothered him greatly that no one had given Sirius Black that chance. And then there was the simple feeling of his gut. Not anything that would convince a court like the Wizengamot, but Bill knew to listen to it anyway.

"You know," he finally broke the silence that had followed Harry's question, "some people say you should listen to a child's opinion if you want to know if someone's a good person. Children and dogs, I think that's what they say." He smiled slightly. "And I know that you think Sirius is a good person."

"I know he is!" Harry said more forcefully than Bill would have expected. "He isn't a murderer! He is nice and funny and he makes pancakes and tells me stories and washes my hair and he didn't even mind when I threw up on his shoes..." Harry trailed of, blushing and obviously uncomfortable about that particular story.

Bill hid a grin, but then he became serious once more. "See, I haven't seen Sirius for a long while, and I don't know him as well as you do. But I trust in your judgement, Harry. And when you tell me that he is a good guy, then I will believe it."

And when Bill saw the brightest of smiles erupt on Harry's features, he knew that he had made the right decision.

-xox-

Remus stared at the slim black leather collar he was holding in his hands and swallowed.

"Just make sure to attach it properly, Lupin," Shacklebolt had said when he had held the horrible thing out to him.

"Why me?" Remus had asked, and the Auror had looked at him with a frown.

"I thought it might be a little more... dignified for him. But if you'd rather I do it, just say so."

"No. No, if there is no way around this... I'll do it." His voice was shaking slightly, and he chided himself for it. This was not the moment to get squirmy. He had always believed that when things needed to be done it was the best to just get it over with. He had after all found out in a quite young age that some things simply were unavoidable, that it didn't help to complain or whine about them.

So he just would have to go in there and tell his friend, who was probably the proudest person he had ever met, that he needed to get collared like a dog. It seemed like a cruel joke. They had always laughed about the joy Sirius seemed to take in his animal alter ego, but none of them had ever thought that Padfoot was anything like a pet. He was meant to roam the forbidden forest in the company of a wolf, free and strong and proud, and now... Remus closed his eyes although the sight he wanted to suppress was a mental one.

Sirius was weak. And he was underfed. And Remus could see that being up and about was still a strain to him. But there was something else too, and he wasn't sure if it had always been there and he only now was noticing it because he was consciously looking for it, or if seven years in Azkaban had worn down the walls Sirius had kept up to shield what ever open wounds he bore on his soul from everyone's view. Or if it was both. That seemed most likely.

And the worst was that Sirius seemed to feel it, that his control was slipping, and Remus really was afraid of the day that he would decide that it was too much. Because they had been there, and it had been the worst sight Remus had ever laid eyes upon. All that blood... Remus shuddered. No, he couldn't let it come to this, he had to protect his friend. He had to get them through this somehow, and it started right here. It started with this _thing. _It started with a goddamn collar.

Remus took a deep breath and went back into the room. When he explained what needed to be done Sirius reaction was predictable. Loud and obnoxious, and Remus faced his cursing friend with the patient calm that had always balanced their relationship. And then Sirius had faltered, and that wasn't expected, at least not so quickly, and he was apologizing, and that was something rarely heard of with Sirius Black. He was grateful, he said. Grateful that Remus wanted to become his new jailor. And then he swept up his hair and exposed his neck to him. It made him look so utterly vulnerable, and for a moment Remus once more saw the child Sirius, trapped in a sinister house full of viciousness, and born with too big a heart for his own good.

-xox-

''It's all just the fault of that evil, heartless monster...'' Molly Weasley sobbed. ''He totally turned his head around, he made him think no one cares for him but _him_...''

''We are not sure why Harry ran away,'' Arthur objected with a sigh. But he looked worried, and rightly so. ''More important is that we find him.''

Albus Dumbledore, who had just arrived through the huge fireplace in the kitchen, nodded gravely. This wasn't good news. There were a lot of dangers that could befall an eight-year-old boy, but there were even more lurking out there for one Harry Potter.

''You said he left last night?'' he inquired thoughtfully. He really wondered what had made the little boy run in the middle of the night.

''Probably in the early morning hours. Bill saw him last when he went to bed, and that was about two o'clock in the morning.''

''Where have you looked already?''

''I asked around the village,'' Arthur explained, ''but unsurprisingly no one saw him. If he left that early, everyone was probably still sleeping. Bill is looking for him down in the fo-''

''He found him! He found him!''

Four small redheads came storming into the kitchen, followed by what looked like a huge silver bird soaring through the back-door. The silver owl, for that's what it was, perched itself on the high back of one of the kitchen chairs while the children looked at it eagerly.

''I found him. He is alright. We'll come home when we are ready. Don't worry, Mom!'' said the owl with Bill's voice. Then it dissolved into silver smoke and was gone.

''What does he mean, 'when they are ready'?'' Molly Weasley cried out.

Arthur patted her back soothingly. ''He found him and he is fine, that is the most important part, isn't it?''

''It is indeed,'' Dumbledore agreed. ''And if I remember correctly, Bill was always good with the smaller children when he was Head Boy. It might very well be that he can gain young Harry's trust more easily than someone older.'' He smiled at Molly. ''Now why don't we sit down and talk about this over a nice cup of tea. I sure could use one.''

Molly Weasley nodded and immediately busied herself with the kettle. Then she looked at her children, which were all still lingering in the kitchen, looking curiously from Albus Dumbledore to their parents.

''Go feed the chicken,'' she ordered, ''and the coop needs to be cleaned as well! What are you waiting for? Off you go!''

''But Mom!''

''That's slavery!''

''Unconstitutional!''

''At least I'm sure there must be a law against this!''

''We want to know what happened!''

''And I want to have a quiet and peaceful life. Tough luck. We can't all get what we want!''

Albus chuckled, as the red-headed brigade retreated from the kitchen grumbling.

-xox

Everything inside Sirius rebelled. He wanted nothing more than to rip that thing from his neck and throw it across the room. In a reflex he couldn't suppress, his hand came up to his throat to claw at it, to losen it, anything, but he stopped himself and only lightly touched his new shackle. A collar. He swallowed, trying to even his breath, trying to not be sick. He had to get himself under control, damn it!

''Are you alright?''

Remus, standing behind him, placing his hands lightly on his shoulders. And while a rational part of his brain could acknowledge the gesture as a try to comfort, the wild and scared part of him couldn't bear the touch. He broke free and with a few stumbling steps crossed the room. He reached the window and leaned against the sill, breathing rapidly, helplessly. He couldn't. Why couldn't he...?

_Get a grip, you idiot!_

The window opened onto a large courtyard. There were a few trees. Naked branches reaching up into a grey and sullen sky. Gravel walks and some spots of muddy lawn. A gush of wind moved the branches, and a flock of birds flew up into that overcast sky. Too large for pigeons. Crows. How he envied them... He swallowed. Another deep breath, calmer now.

''Sirius?''

''I'm... I'm fine. Sorry. Just... I'm fine now.''

Remus rolled the wheelchair over to him and after pressing his eyes close for a moment Sirius let himself sink down into it. He felt the spells wind around his wrist and ankles and forced himself to continue the rhythm of his breaths. He could do this. He had to.

Remus went to the door and opened it. ''We are ready.''

Behind him he heard the Aurors come in, and he heard Baldy state his lack of understanding why Shacklebolt was proceeding with so much tact.

''Let's just get the show rolling, shall we?'' he asked with a laugh. ''But I would check if the werewolf has leashed his mongrel buddy like he's supposed to.''

''I don't care what you _would_, Smith. I'm the one in charge, and therefore you will do what I tell you.'' Shacklebolt's voice was low and dangerous, and it didn't bode well for the balding Auror. ''And right now I tell you to address the assistant advocate appropriately. Also it would do you good to remember that Mr. Black is innocent until he is convicted.''

''Come on, you're joking, right? Of course he's guilty! He was in Azkaban for seven years!''

Since Sirius didn't hear anymore from either him or Shacklebolt the other Auror must have silenced him with nothing but a look. Silently he applauded Shacklebolt. There might just be one decent left in all their lot.

''Not that I'm particularly proud of it,'' he said conversationally when Remus turned the wheelchair and rolled him past the sneering Auror, ''but I can trace my ancestry of Pureblood wizards back for thirty generations. I can tell you, my mother wouldn't be too happy to hear you say she produced a 'mongrel'. Of course that means I might have actually paid you for it, but only if you said it to her face... But then, alas, she is dead, and no one cares anymore. I'd say, quite fortunate for you.''

Remus chuckled, and from the corner of his eye he could see Shacklebolt suppress a grin. If he just held his head high, maybe he could keep himself from drowning. He knew it was not a good idea to provoke the people who would watch him closely during the next weeks, but then the case with Baldy Smith had been lost many years ago already. And good memories that were! If he could remind the man of a few of them during this ordeal, well, he had to pass the time somehow, hadn't he?

-xox-

''So how is it going with young Harry?''

''Obviously not too well,'' Arthur Weasley sighed.

''Oh, he is a good boy,'' Molly disagreed, although nobody had stated the contrary. ''The little angel is just traumatized. Who wouldn't be after what he's been through?''

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. ''Are you referring to the months he spend with Sirius Black?''

''Of course.''

''I must admit, I did not have the impression that his stay with Mr. Black had a bad impact on Harry. He actually seemed to have developed quite a strong bond to him.''

''Black has always been good at manipulating people and deceiving them, making them trust him just to knife them in the back as soon as they turned around.'' Molly said with a face like stone.

Dumbledore smiled at her kindly. ''I know you have suffered deep losses during the war, Molly, and I understand that you blame Sirius Black. But he was never proven guilty. There was never even a trial.''

''I know what I know, Albus.''

Dumbledore nodded and took a sip of tea before he changed the topic. ''Actually, Harry's anxiety and shyness could have their reason in something else,'' he hesitated for a moment. ''I told you that I didn't want Harry to go back to his relatives. What I didn't tell you, not explicitly, is that there is cause to believe, that his relatives possibly have neglected him, maybe even abused him.''

''What!'' That cry came from Arthur.

''Harry obviously is too shy to talk about it any more than expressing the wish to not return to them, but rather stay with his godfather. But Sirius has told me, that he has seen his uncle hitting him in the face, and that there were bruises on the boy's body.''

Molly's eyes narrowed in suspicion. ''Black has told you that?'' she asked.

''He has. Also Mr. Lupin reported from a visit to their home, that Harry's bedroom was actually a cupboard.''

Now Molly's face turned into a frown. The Weasleys weren't a rich family either, but even in her house, where living quarters were limited, none of her children had to sleep in a closet. Not having much money was no reason to neglect a child!

''Well it seems you are most definitely right about one thing,'' she said resolutely. ''These people are not fit to raise a child like Harry. He's so sensible! He has very special needs and needs a lot of attention. But... well, I wouldn't take anything Black says at face value. Our son Ronald has told me this morning that Harry has told him that his uncle has hit him a few times when he had misbehaved. I don't approve of such methods of parenting. But it would be just like Black to blow such a thing out of proportion and make a huge thing out of it. He would say anything to make himself look better, and he obviously is a very convincing liar.''

Albus Dumbledore nodded and sighed.

-xox-

They had travelled by Portkey. His best friend in a wheelchair, three Aurors and him. Sirius had fallen silent again, letting himself be handled. Remus had been a little anxious how Sirius would react to his rather meager home, but his face had stayed mostly blank. Kingsley and the other two had taken a quick look through the rooms of the cottage to confirm that everything was as it should be. There had been very thorough inspections during the last days, so this was more about procedure he guessed.

Albus had magically added another bedroom next to Remus' fusion of bedroom and study, which actually was really a study with a bed in it. Sirius' new room had been furnished, and Remus' had tried to decorate it with the Gryffindor colours, feeling a little silly. But he had no clue about Sirius' recent preferences, and that of course was silly too, because Sirius' had been living in a dark and filthy cell for seven years, he probably had not spent much time developing preferences on interior design.

Remus sighed. Okay, so he was nervous. He had tried to tell himself that he had lived with Sirius for seven years previously, but then he knew very well that had been different. Everything was so different now. He had gotten used to his solitude, which he didn't call loneliness. He often spent weeks on his own, avoiding people rather then to suffer their looks of either pity or disgust. He still had a few friends, but it was the kind you keep in touch with, not the kind with whom you went for a beer at the pub around the corner. Not that around his corner were any pubs, after all he lived in the middle of nowhere and that not without reason. He liked being alone. He could read and write and research without anybody interrupting. There was nobody to consider.

Now there would be Sirius. And Aurors lurking around the place day and night. And that was alright, because he couldn't let his friend go back to Azkaban. Not after he had let him rot there for seven years already. Not after he began to see how badly it had affected him. Not after understanding that Sirius Black had more bad, gruesome and horrible memories than anybody else he had ever known.

It had been the natural decision to offer his home up to become his friends prison. It had all been about keeping him away from the place where his nightmares lurked. But now that Sirius sat on his couch, looking lost and exhausted, now that he watched his friend as he absentmindedly fingered the damn collar, which Kingsley had activated after they had brought Sirius over the threshold... Now he suddenly doubted the wisdom of this decision, and he had to admit that he was scared. Sirius and him didn't know each other anymore. The past years had left them with a gaping abyss between them that he only truly felt now that he was alone with his friend. And he knew this was about building bridges, and he wanted to, he did. But right now he had no clue how to go about it.

Remus watched, as his friend transformed into the shaggy black dog and curled up on himself between the couch pillows. And he had to wonder if Sirius felt safer as Padfoot, if it had become a habit during Azkaban, or if he just felt it was the more appropriate form, now that he was wearing a collar.

TBC

* * *

**Now it's up to you! Your opinions are greatly appreciated. Praise is humbly accepted. And criticism is carefully considered. I would love to hear from you! Please, leave a review!**

**A great big thanks to my anonymous reviewers!** **Lianne:** If you only 'almost' hat Molly you are not as far gone as others, but I'm glad. I don't want readers to hate her. Being 'terribly irritated' that's what I'm going for. Imaginary punching allowed! ;). It IS a ugly situation Remus and Sirius are in, but hopefully it will give them the ground to solve their issues. Thank you for your patience to see the story unfurl. :) **Bloom:** Bunch of ugly perverts indeed! Lol, or maybe that's me. Yes, a lot of things will happen, but you know me (likes HP = happy endings ;) And I rock! Now you made my day! **HebHibHob:** A big hug, a cookie and a Padfoot is exactly what Harry needs, if maybe not in that order ;). Oh and I got cookies too! Yay! And I gave you a chapter for it, now I hope you liked that deal! **Love and kisses to you all!**


	6. Freedom

**A/N: **Phew! I made it. I worked like crazy to get this out to you before I'm off to Denmark on holiday. I'll be gone for two weeks and probably won't have Internet connection during that time. Still, I'm bringing my laptop and hope to have the next chapter ready for you when I get back.

I have a new beta-reader. She is great and helped me to get this chapter in order and really British too, which I appreciate more than I can say. **Thank you ambush99! **Like always wonderful **jogger** helped me out with advise and helpful suggestions, thank you honey! :)

**A warning: **If reading about child abuse makes you feel uncomfortable, proceed with care!

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Freedom**

Harry was dragging his feet. He really didn't want to go back to the Burrow. He could already feel the walls closing in on him, although he wasn't even in the house yet. Bill had said that he didn't need to be scared, that nobody was angry with him, only worried.

He wanted to believe that, really, because Bill seemed a lot nicer than he originally thought, but the image seemed alien. He had run away in the middle of the night. He had left without permission and had not been where he was supposed to be this morning. People got angry when you did such things. They didn't get _worried_. Even Sirius had yelled at him that one time at the Christmas fair, although he had explained that he indeed had done that because he had been worried about Harry. But that was Sirius. That was different. Because Sirius, well, cared...

Bill had actually come as a bit of a surprise because he liked Sirius, but he also liked Mrs. Weasley, which probably was expected since she was his mother and Harry thought most people liked their mothers. Still, it seemed impossible that someone could like both. It was like saying you liked Uncle Vernon and Mrs. Figg. It just didn't work that way. But it had seemed like he was really telling the truth about how he had admired Sirius as a boy. And really, how could he not? What excited Harry the most, was that Bill had said he believed that Sirius was good because Harry believed it. He wondered why that hadn't worked with the rest of the people who thought Sirius was a bad person. Maybe if he told all those people again... but then with Mrs. Weasley it seemed to have the opposite effect. It was really confusing.

Those were the thoughts that were running through Harry's head while he walked next to Bill through the forest. He was a little surprised at how fast they reached the edge of the trees, looking down at the strange house that was home to the Weasley Family. It had felt so much further when he had walked the distance last night.

Feeling very nervous, Harry looked up at Bill, biting his lip when the older boy met his gaze.

''What is it?'' Bill asked.

Harry bit his lip a little harder. ''Could you maybe... not... tell them that I wanted to go and see Sirius?''

Bill looked at him almost sheepishly. ''Hm. To be honest, that was exactly what I wanted to tell my Mum.'' Harry's eyes got round. ''I don't have to!'' Bill was quick to reassure him. ''I just thought it might make her realise how much you miss him. Why don't you want me to tell her?''

''I don't want her to get angry.''

''Harry,'' Bill crouched down so that he could look him in the eye. ''I already told you nobody will get mad at you.''

''I don't want her to get mad at Sirius either! And when she knows I wanted to go and see him, she will be. And she will say he made me and that he is bad and I don't want that because it isn't true!''

''I know it's not. But, Harry, my Mum is already as mad at Sirius as a person can be. Actually I think right now he could do whatever he wanted, she just _couldn't _be _more _mad at him. I don't think it's humanly possible.''

Harry frowned. That was a strange thought.

''You know, I was thinking that I maybe could try to talk with my Mum on your behalf. Explain to her how you feel about this. Maybe I can get her to ease your confinement a little.'' He winked.

Harry wasn't sure what he meant, but he nodded anyway.

When they arrived at the Burrow Mrs. Weasley ran towards him and enclosed him in a tight hug. While he was pressed into her soft and very full chest, Harry remembered the first time Sirius had hugged him in that alley after he had bought the sandwiches and muffins. It had been the most wonderful feeling.

He thought about all the times he had seen mothers embrace their children, and how he always had wished for someone to do the same to him. And he wondered how something that had seemed so good once when he watched from afar, could feel so wrong and suffocating when it actually happened, and he understood that it wasn't the hugging at all that mattered.

-xox-

When the black dog woke up he shivered slightly. The flames in the fireplace had burned down to a low flickering and through the windows fell that first shimmer of light that spoke of the approaching dawn. With what looked like a painful effort the dog jumped down from the couch and, stretching his body, changed into the skinny form of Sirius Black.

Sirius came to his feet and looked around in the dim light of Remus' living-room. That's when he caught sight of the very person, slumped down in an armchair beside the couch in what looked like a rather uncomfortable position. It was in rare moments like these, when the mask of calm politeness wasn't in place and Remus' face was relaxed in sleep, that you could still see the shy and vulnerable boy who had come to Hogwarts in his first year with a secret much too big for the small shoulders to carry. It was a strange feeling of tenderness that took hold of Sirius, as he stood there in his friend's humble quarters in the early morning hours, studying the older features, the new scars and the greying hair that was falling in his face.

He had not really wanted this because he didn't want to be a burden. Still he had prayed for it because the alternative was too horrible to think about. He had loathed it because it felt like a cruel joke to make Moony his guard and warden. And he had yearned for it because he so disgustingly much longed for just a little bit of human contact and connection. But most of all he feared this. Because he felt so broken, and he didn't want Remus to see how very pathetic he really was.

But now he was here. Now it was real. He touched the slim leather band around his neck with the tips of his fingers. It was becoming a habit, but he constantly had the feeling the thing was choking him. He knew that it was only in his mind, but he still couldn't shake the discomfort. He had never been able to cope well with being..._trapped_.

Remus stirred and Sirius turned away quickly, not sure how Remus would feel about him watching him in his sleep. He had not taken much notice of his surroundings the day before and, while he wandered in the direction of the kitchen, he was absentmindedly touching a leather-bound tome, a photograph of Remus and his mother, a quill lying next to a roll of parchment with what looked like a shopping list... Remus had always liked to make lists. The tips of his fingers stroked over all these items of every-day life, while he tried to imagine Remus living here for all those days and nights that he had been with his nightmares. What had he done all this time? How had his life developed? Had it done any such thing at all?

''You're up,'' Remus' voice came from behind him, stating the obvious.

''Just now.''

From the corner of his eye he saw Remus rub his hands over his face. ''Tea? Or do you still prefer coffee?''

Sirius turned towards him and raised a sardonic eyebrow. Remus' face fell.

''Merlin, I'm an idiot, sorry, I didn't think-''

''Tea would be fine, Moony.'' He gave his friend a smile and was pretty sure that it looked rather natural. Things were better with Moony around. Always had been.

Remus looked at him for a little longer, as if he pondered something. Then he turned away and walked past him to busy himself with the kettle. Sirius kept standing next to the kitchen table.

''You can sit, you know,'' Remus said without turning around. ''Mi casa es su casa.''

Sirius couldn't suppress the bitter bark of a laugh that erupted from his throat. That did prompt Remus to turn around.

''What?'' he asked.

''Nothing,'' Sirius said waving his hand and, after a nearly unnoticeable moment of hesitation, pulled out a chair and sat down. His left knee was twitching and when Remus' gaze paused on it he tried to suppress that too.

Remus served tea and for a while they sat in silence, sipping it.

The silence grew more awkward every minute.

Remus started to fidget.

''You really did wonderfully with Harry,'' he blurted out suddenly.

''Huh?'' Where had that come from?

''He really trusts you more than anyone. It's amazing...''

Sirius sighed. ''He was starved of more than food, Moony. Those monsters- ... I should have killed him. If I had been stronger, I would have killed him.''

''I don't think you would have,'' Remus said softly.

''Why?'' Sirius laughed ironically. ''Because I'm not a murderer?''

''Well that too. But mostly because of Harry. You knew who the most important person was that night. And you knew what Harry needed. You knew how he felt.''

Sirius tugged at the collar. ''Anyone could see how he felt.''

''No.'' Remus shook his head. ''I think you understood better than most, better than someone like Dumbledore or Molly Weasley, better than me.''

Sirius swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. Why was that damn thing so tight? Didn't Remus say it adjusted?

''Did you know they locked him in a cupboard? That's where he slept.''

_The door locking behind him. Darkness, total, impenetrable darkness..._

He breathed faster, but there wasn't enough air. That thing was slowly choking him, throttling him, he was sure.

''I can't imagine how it must have been for him, all alone,'' Remus said and Sirius could hear the edge in his voice.

_A slight breeze like an icy breath on his neck._

That damn thing was getting tighter.

''Sirius?''

It was too tight, got tighter every minute.

_His heart was beating faster, something was there. Something was there with him and he couldn't get out._

''Sirius.''

He couldn't breath.

_His own voice screaming, begging, but to no avail._

_He was trapped._

_The Black House at Number 12, Grimmauld Place had many secret rooms and passages. It was an old house, in the family_ _for centuries. And just like was customary in those old days, it had cellars. Dark and cold and dank cellars. They were used for all different purposes. Storage, accommodating house-elves, hosting his father's stock of wines_ _and spirits... and disciplining Walburga Black's eldest son._

_He had been six. That first time. His mother had caught him talking to a little blonde girl. She had been furious that he had been talking to a Muggle. He tried to defend himself, telling her he had not known the girl was not a witch. How should he have known, when she was nothing like his parents had told him Muggles were? She had not acted like an animal, had not seemed stupid and had not tried to do him any harm. She had in fact been really nice and had even given him some of the drops she was carrying. They had tasted like strawberry, and the girl had smelled just the same. Since he was home-schooled, he never had anybody else to play with other than his little brother. His cousins were all older than him and really snobbish, and he was even a little afraid of cousin Bella. So he had been happily surprised to find someone to talk to while sitting on the garden wall, dangling his feet. It was so boring being cooped up in the house all the time. So he honestly didn't understand why it was so important not to talk to a girl, just because she was a Muggle. And that's what he had told his mother._

_Walburga Black had not thrown a fit, like she so often did when he misbehaved. No, she had just looked at him and her lips had widened in a smile while her eyes were gleaming._

_''Kreacher!" she had called for her most loyal house-elf, and when the ugly little gnome popped up immediately, she told him without a further look at her son, ''Show Sirius how it feels to be cooped up, Kreacher. He needs to learn to appreciate his station.''_

_Kreacher had bowed until his nose brushed the floor and then pulled Sirius off towards the kitchen with surprising strength. Sirius had only been a few times in the kitchens, normally his mother didn't like him hanging around there, it was lowly,_ _and food was to be consumed only in the dining-room. He had never been through the heavy wooden door at the end of the room. It was always locked. But just there was Kreacher now dragging him. Apart from the fingers digging into his arm Sirius didn't mind awfully, he was a curious boy and everything was better than boredom._

_That at least had been his thoughts before Kreacher pushed him through the door, making him stumble down a few steps, and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving him in complete and utter darkness._

_He heard the bolt being slammed and with beating heart looked around him, trying to make out forms in the darkness, but there weren't any. Reaching out in the dark he felt for the door, for a handle, but there was only the rough wooden surface, nothing else._

_''Kreacher?'' he called uncertainly. ''Kreacher! Kreacher, come here, let me out!''_

_He felt around in the darkness, for a lantern, a torch, a candle stick, but all he encountered were cobwebs and something that felt like a dead mouse and made him scream._

_''Kreacher! Kreacher, there is no light! Let me out! I'm telling you to let me out! This is an order! Kreacher!''_

_''KREACHER!''_

_''Doobry?" the little boy's voice called for the other house-elf. ''Doobry, I need you, come here! Doobry!''_

_Nothing happened. No one came. Nobody answered._

_He was left alone in the darkness which he didn't know and which his eyes couldn't penetrate. The wall next to the door felt like rough stone and was rather wet. There was something like a cupboard an arm-length further down. Everything felt damp and filthy. He had no idea how big the room was, but he was afraid to explore. He was afraid he wouldn't find his way back to the steps and the door and, even though it was closed and locked, the door was the only thing to hold on to. He sat down with his back to it and stared out into the darkness._

_He wasn't certain how long he had been sitting that way already, when he heard something. Like a scuffle. Blinded by fear he turned to the door, hammering and scratching in his panic. He was sure he felt something breathing down his neck, something was reaching for him..._

_''Kreacher! Doobry! Let me out! Please, let me out! Mum! Help me, there is something in here! Help me! Let me out! LET ME OUT!''_

_Sirius hammered against the door and screamed until he was hoarse and his hands hurt like hell. Finally he cowered in the corner where the door would open, soon, please, soon. They had to come and let him out. He hugged his knees against his chest and buried his head in his arms and sobbed._

_He had almost fallen asleep exhausted, when the door was opened and Kreacher pulled him out and delivered him to the drawing-room, where his mother sat with a cup of tea._

_''I hope you have understood now that your privileges come with a price, Sirius. You must always behave in regard to your station. You are a Black, Sirius! Maybe now you can appreciate your surroundings a little better. Or would you rather spend_ _some more time in the cellar?''_

_Sirius shook his head frantically and his mother seemed pleased. And it had indeed been almost six months until his next visit to the darkness, but they became more frequent over the years. His mother had smelled his desperation and knew how to use it. Even later, after he had already managed his final 'coup de disgrace' and got himself sorted into Gryffindor, and other more vicious punishment had been invented, she liked to go back to the roots and lock him in that cellar. And he had loathed himself for his fear and that she still managed to make him beg eventually._

_Until today he had no idea how that cellar looked or_ _what was in it. For him it simply was the epitome of a trap._

''Sirius!''

Sirius jerked around, heart slamming against his ribs. Remus stood next to him, his hand outstretched towards him, but not touching.

''Sirius! It's just me...'' Remus' voice sounded uncertain, questioning. ''I already called you for a minute there. It was like you couldn't hear me...''

''I-I'm sorry... I must have been... lost in thought for a moment.'' He laughed and shook his head, breaking eye-contact.

Remus kept looking at him. He didn't buy it. ''Sirius, what is wrong?''

''It's nothing.'' Merlin, why did his voice sound so strained. He tried to smile. ''The tea is good.'' He took another sip.

''What kind of thoughts were you lost in?'' Remus asked softly.

''Oh... just stuff. About school,'' he mumbled, hiding behind his cup. He couldn't look at his concerned friend. He tightened the hold on his cup and balled the free hand into a fist, to stop himself from reaching for the collar again.

Remus sat down next to him. He studied him for a long time and Sirius didn't know where to look. His cup was empty, but he still held on to it.

''Why are you always doing this?'' Remus finally asked, looking lost between pain and anger.

''I'm not... what do you mean?'' Sirius asked, trying carefully to guard any emotion from showing in his features.

''This!'' Remus sounded like he was holding back tears. ''You always do THIS. Turning away, pretending nothing is wrong. We all used to roll our eyes at school and laugh about your attitude, and soon you would have us distracted with something brilliant and outrageous or unbelievably stupid. But it wasn't nothing was it? It never was. You were just so clever to pretend you were hiding something stupid and unimportant when you were in fact hiding your. Whole. Fucking. LIFE!''

-xox-

Harry had been ushered to the room he was sharing with Ron, since Mrs. Weasley insisted that he must be exhausted after his ordeal. Actually he was mostly hungry, but he didn't dare to say anything. Now he was sitting on his bed trying to make sense of the whole situation. He was still not entirely sure if he believed Bill when he said that his parents wouldn't hit him, although he had to admit they never had up to this point. And they certainly had not starved him. And Mrs. Weasley only let him do a few chores that weren't too hard and always paired him up with one of her own children, mostly Ron. So maybe they _were_ different to the Dursleys. But he still didn't like it here. And he knew that this was probably making him a horrible, ungrateful freak. Because he knew it was expected that he be grateful. It always was. For the food and for the bed and for the clothes they gave him. But he didn't want to be grateful. He wanted to scream at them that they were wrong, wrong, WRONG!

And he wanted to see Sirius. When Sirius had been asleep for five days he had been terribly afraid. He was scared he wouldn't wake up again. He was scared he would go away like his parents had gone away. When he finally did wake up he had been so happy and relieved, but even when Sirius held him, he could see that he had still been very tired, even after sleeping for so long. He was worried about Sirius. He wanted to see if he was alright. What if he needed Harry? But the Weasleys wouldn't let him go, and he HATED it! He hated THEM!

Okay. So Bill was kind of nice. But all the others! Well, Ron wasn't too bad. And the twins, while totally insane, probably weren't really vicious. Maybe a little mean. But he didn't think he hated them. And Ginny. Well, he had no idea about Ginny, but he guessed she was alright. He had not spent that much time with Mr. Weasley because he went to work in the morning, but when he thought about it, he had always seemed rather friendly and calm, if a little strange sometimes.

No, what really had his guts in a twist was Mrs. Weasley. She always did stuff that made her seem nice, but she wasn't. She was unfair and stupid and had it all wrong! She could make as much hot chocolate as she wanted, she would never be as nice and just simply right as Sirius. She insisted on hating his godfather, and since Harry knew Sirius to be the best person in the whole world, he decided he would hate Mrs. Weasley in return.

-xox-

Sirius sat stock-still, staring at him and for a moment Remus had the urge to laugh. He had never seen Sirius like this. Pale, wide-eyed, jaw short of dropping. But then a tremble ran through Sirius and Remus felt as far from amused as you could get. He reached out again for his friend in a sudden need to hold him or hold him together, he wasn't sure.

But Sirius jerked back, ripping his arm away from Remus so hard he was stumbling backwards. Shit. He had not meant for it to come out like this. What was wrong with him? He was supposed to be the thoughtful, the patient one.

''What are you talking about?'' Sirius asked and his voice sounded alien.

Remus took a deep breath. He'd better explain this right.

''When you took Harry, I went looking for you. I didn't just stumble upon you. I was searching.''

Sirius just looked at him, he obviously had guessed as much.

''I tried everything. I... I might have become a little obsessed at one point.'' He laughed, but Sirius just kept staring. ''I went everywhere hoping to find a clue. I spoke with Andromeda. And I went to Grimmauld Place. I... kind of met your mother.''

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment. ''They still have that painting hanging in the hall?'' he asked with a bitter laugh.

''Yes. And there was a house-elf and... Merlin, Sirius, I never have been to a more gruesome place in my life! How did you manage to live there and not go insane?''

''I didn't.'' He sat back in his chair, his face blank. ''That's why I left, remember?''

''Why did you never tell us?'' He had to know. ''We would have been there for you, we would have helped...''

''You could not help!'' Sirius spat. ''You were just a pair of little boys! You think you could have stopped my father? You think I didn't _try_?'' Sirius voice broke on the last word and Remus heart clenched in pain. ''They were my parents,'' Sirius hissed, ''and they had a right to do whatever they wanted.''

Remus looked at his friend in helpless anguish. ''We could have gone for help... Dumbledore,.. McGonagall...''

And that's when Sirius started to laugh. ''They were _Blacks_, Remus! They would have got away with murder. Maybe they did, I wouldn't bet against it. Do you have any idea what kind of power my father held?''

''But we could have still been there for you, we could have...''

''What? Pitied me?'' Sirius demanded harshly, jumping up again and starting to pace.

''Did you ever pity me?'' Remus answered getting angry as well. ''You were there for me, you kept my secret. Don't you think that I was scared too? Don't you think that I was afraid that if you wouldn't reject me, you would just stay friends with me out of pity and charity?''

''That was different!''

''How's that?''

''Because it isn't your fault that you're a werewolf!'' Sirius shouted, turning towards him.

Remus froze.

For a moment, while Sirius' words were still ringing in the air, Remus just stared wide-eyed at his friend who, from the way he looked at him, had no idea what he'd just said.

''Sirius...'' Remus started tentatively. ''Whatever your parents did, whatever they said, it wasn't your fault either!''

Sirius looked away. ''I know that.''

''No. No, I don't think you do.'' Remus said, hesitantly stepping forward.

''I know my father was a bastard, okay?'' Sirius said angrily rounding back on his friend, but Remus could hear the defiance. ''I know my mother was a horrible vulture, and more than one Gobstone short of a full set!''

''Tell me what happened,'' Remus said quietly. ''Tell me what they did.''

''It doesn't matter anymore. It was a long time ago.''

''It does matter, Sirius. It matters to me!''

Sirius was panting like a trapped animal and his fists were clenching almost rhythmically.

''Did he hit you? Your father. Did he hit you?''

''He never touched me.'' Sirius grabbed at his throat, tugging at the collar, but he obviously didn't even notice he was doing it. ''There might have been a blow or two in all the years... when he was so drunk he could hardly walk straight. But he wasn't very often. And no, apart from that he never touched me.'' He laughed and it was the worst sound Remus had ever heard. ''He had different methods, hadn't he? He was a wizard! And proud of it.''

''What did he do?''

''What do you want to hear?'' Sirius spat almost viciously. ''How he stripped me with one flick of his wand? How I had to bend over for him to lash me? Or how he would slowly constrict my windpipe while I gasped like a fish until I turned blue? Or do you want to hear how they locked me in the cellar? The first time I was six and nearly went crazy. But that was nothing to the time I came home after First Year. They left me down there for days, and I was sure they had forgotten about me. Do you want to know how I licked the water from the stone walls because I was so thirsty? Or how I was sure there were things moving in the darkness around me? How I scratched on the door until my nails broke and my fingers bled, because they were closing in, were trying to get me, would get me the moment I closed my eyes or fell asleep! I was twelve!"

Remus was too shocked to answer, he realized that it was one thing to imagine the worst, but quite another to hear how bad it really had been. Sirius didn't seem to expect an answer anyway. He stared into the distance, his face empty of emotions, his hand still curled around the leather at his throat.

„When they finally let me out, I promised them whatever they wanted to hear. That I would get resorted. That I wouldn't be a Gryffindor. That I wasn't brave. I promised them that I would become friends with the right people next year. That I would be a perfect little Slytherin. And I promised them that I would never speak to you again... that you were nothing... Muggle-lovers and Mudbloods. That's how _afraid _I was. That's how _weak _I was!"

It was too much and with two quick strides Remus crossed the space between them and pulled his friend in a fierce hug. Sirius stood stiff as a board, but didn't pull away.

''I betrayed you,'' he whispered tonelessly. ''Already back then, I betrayed you.''

Remus was not letting go, but just kept holding his friend not saying a word, and after a while Sirius body went limp and he leaned into Remus just a little.

''You didn't,'' Remus whispered back. ''When you came back in second year, we were still friends. You found out I was a werewolf and we were _still_ friends.''

''I promised them.''

''It wasn't your fault,'' Remus mumbled, not sure what else he could say. ''It was never your fault.''

-xox-

''How can you not see it!''

Bill Weasley slumped down in a kitchen chair frustrated.

''I see it, Bill. I see how Harry practically hero-worships Black. And it nearly makes me go crazy! But it is not so uncommon. I read about it in 'Witch Weekly'. Victims do often get attached to their kidnapper, especially if they are still very young. If Harry wasn't happy at his aunt and uncle's it's even more obvious how impressionable he must have been. And the Blacks know how to manipulate and control and influence. You didn't know his father. Orion Black was a big shot in society. You wouldn't believe the rumours that were running about him, even if only half of them might have been true. And his mother!'' Mrs. Weasley shuddered. ''I only met her a few times, but I swear she had the evil eye. They were evil, the whole lot of them. Look at his cousin, who ended up in Azkaban, claiming to be You-know-who's most loyal servant! _He _was just better at hiding it. Probably wanted to come out with a bang. He always was one for horribly dramatic stunts. The madness runs in that family, Bill, mark my words!''

''And what... bad blood will out? That sounds awfully like those Pureblood idiots, Mum!''

''Don't be ridiculous, that is something totally different,'' Mrs. Weasley kept banging with her pans and pots, preparing for lunch. ''It's about family. They form you. Although all that inbreeding surely did not help. Did you know Walburga and Orion were cousins? 'Toujours pur', indeed... pure evil!''

''Okay, you don't like the Blacks. I understand that, they don't sound like such a wonderful lot. But I still think if Harry is so protective of Sirius and cares so much about him, he must have been good to him somehow.''

Mrs. Weasley smiled at her son. ''You know sweetheart, it is endearing that you still see the world in such a positive light, but I'm afraid it isn't always like that.''

Bill banged his head on the table. ''Okay,'' he said, staying with his face against the table top. ''I will accept for the moment, that you are dead set on seeing Sirius Black as the evil, heartless villain. But what about Harry? He is unhappy and he is scared. You are hurting him when you talk like that. Can't you at least cut it out for his sake?''

''I'm not talking to him about the crimes of that man! He's much too young to hear it.''

''But you say other stuff, like yesterday. And you don't need to talk to him about it, he hears. Merlin Mum, I've lived in this house long enough to know how impossible it is to keep anything a secret!''

''Someone has to make Harry understand that he has been manipulated or _he _will always have a hold on him.''

''He can't! Can't you see that? Even if you are right about Black, this way you will only drive Harry away further! I'm telling you, if you keep this up, he will never trust you. Actually I think you have messed that up already pretty decently.''

''And what are you proposing I should do to change that?''

''Let him visit Sirius.''

''You are out of your mind! Even if he wasn't such a manipulative bastard, he is still a confined criminal. That is no company for an eight-year-old!''

Bill sighed. He knew she wouldn't budge. ''We have to do something. You can't just keep him cooped up here all the time, that isn't helping him.''

Mrs. Weasley seemed to contemplate that. ''All right, you might be right with that one. Maybe we could make a little shopping-trip tomorrow. Go to Diagon Alley. That is bound to take his mind off things.''

Bill frowned. That was not what he had had in mind. But a second later you could almost see an idea lighting up his eyes.

''You know, Mum, I think that would be a really great idea!''

-xox-

Sirius had seemed to be exhausted, like people are after emotional outbreaks, and Remus had taken him up to the first floor and shown him his room. Sirius had smiled at him when he saw the colours, a real smile, a genuine one, and Remus thought that maybe they could make this work. Maybe this situation, that was so horrible for his friend, could become a way for him to get all the ugliness he had bottled inside out of his system.

Sirius stretched out on the red comforter and for a moment Remus sank down at the foot of the bed.

''Remus?''

''Hm?''

''Promise me something?''

''Whatever you want.''

''You're not afraid I might ask something indecent?''

Remus smiled at him. ''Whatever you want.''

Sirius smiled back at his friend, but then he sobered. ''Never let him go back there. Whatever it takes, don't ever let those bastards get their hands on him again.''

Remus met his eyes calmly. ''I won't. Over my dead body. In fact before it comes to that I will see to it that the dead body is Vernon Dursley's.''

Sirius actually grinned at that. ''Death threats from Remus Lupin? Never thought I would see that day.''

Remus almost looked offended. ''I'll have you know that I can get physical, when the occasion calls for it!''

''Somehow I doubt that, if you have to use the words 'get physical' for beating someone up.''

''I punched him!'' Remus declared. And the firmness with which he did was only slightly ruined by the light blush that was creeping up his cheeks.

''You _hit _Dursley?'' Sirius stared at him in wonder. ''_You_, Remus Lupin, actually hit someone.''

Remus huffed, crossing his arms in front of him, looking defiant. ''You are one to talk. From what I heard you did quite the number on him.''

Sirius' face set in a grim smile.''Not enough. It was not nearly enough for that bastard.''

Remus softened and he looked at his friend silently for a moment. ''Thank you,'' he said finally.

Sirius raised his eyebrows in question. ''What for?''

''For taking him out of there. You risked a lot.''

Sirius shook his head. ''It has always been about him, Remus.'' He looked at his friend. ''I wouldn't have been there in the first place if it wasn't for Harry. He was all I could think about. Without Harry, I would never have made it out of Azkaban.'' He hesitated before he met Remus' eyes and he looked like that twelve year old again.''Do you believe... if I told you I saw James, would you think I am crazy?'' he whispered.

Remus stared at him with a mixture of pity and uncertainty. ''Grief is a powerful thing, Sirius, I know how close you were and it's only understandable-''

''I have been in Azkaban for seven years, Remus.''

''I know, and it's only understandable that this would jumble up your mind a bit.''

Sirius sighed. ''No,'' he repeated, '' I mean, I have been in Azkaban _for seven years_. Have you never thought about why I broke out then? After all those years?''

''Well,... yes, actually.''

''I saw James. In a dream. He... he said I'd promised to take care of Harry, and why hadn't I, and he showed me what had happened to him because I'd failed.''

''Maybe it was the bond,'' Remus frowned, thinking. ''Dumbledore said you could feel if Harry was in danger, maybe even have some kind of mental connection.''

''Maybe...''

Remus could see that Sirius wasn't really satisfied with this, and he could understand him better than he liked to admit. To see James again. And Lily. He would give a lot for that.

He reached out and took his friend's hand, and this time he didn't pull away. His eyes had drifted closed and he was falling asleep.

''Moony...,'' he mumbled.

Remus smiled. ''I've got you, Padfoot,'' he whispered. ''It's alright. I've got you.''

But he knew Sirius was already too far away in his sleep to hear him.

TBC

* * *

**Reviews are LOVE! You love me, don't you? *puppy eyes***

**-x-**

**"Mi casa es su casa": **You all probably know the phrase, but just in case. It's Spanish and can be translated as 'My house is your house'. It's used to invite guests to 'feel at home'. So you see why Sirius might find that a little ironic under the circumstances.

**Reviewers Anonymous****: hbfangirl: **Thank you! Glad you liked. **Roonil Wazlib:** Great to see you're still around! **HebHibHob:** You're in love with Bill? Wanna have his number? ;) And thank you for finding it fluffy. I feel I have to point that out to random readers. See! I can do fluffy! And glad you (dis)liked Baldy, one of my random ideas which probably later will turn out to be a major plot point... HUGS! **BloOm:** I'm wondering if people would like to have Bill adopt Harry now ;) He's majorly popular. Can't say I'm not glad. Molly will be Molly. Bisous! **wildaswinds:** New readers! Aw! And coming with praise and threats, those are my favourites. One can never hear enough praise, and threats show that you really care for the story. :) **Nevin Girl:** Same goes here! A very warm welcome and a deep bow. Thank you!


	7. Friendship

**A/N: **Hey, everybody! I'm back from my holiday with a tan, a smile and, as you can see, a new chapter. I had a very warm welcome home, when I went online Sunday night. Thank you for all the nice and enthusiastic feedback! I'm working on replying to you all individually right now, and hopefully won't forget anyone.

Special thanks once more to **ambush99** for erasing my mistakes and to **jogger **for erasing my doubts! ;)

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Friendship**

_Hello Tom. I have to assume that you don't know me, but we have met before. Or - from your point of view - later. I believe you also have met my son Draco? Now, I really have to say I'm not that happy with this special relationship. I think we should really discuss this. _

_If you are wondering, which I don't think you will be, my name is Lucius Malfoy._

-xox-

Looking back it seemed like one of those coincidences, that made you think that life just wasn't willing to make things simple for you. That it needed to surprise you, and always when you had finally found some kind of certainty. So it was only natural that Ron would burst into the room at this moment, declaring he loved his Mum, and she was the best mother of all, right after Harry had decided to hate her very guts.

''She's the best, I tell you, she's the best!'' he cried, dancing through the room, banging at furniture in the process.

Harry was just glad he seemed so occupied with it that no opinion was expected from him.

''We're going to Diagon Alley tomorrow!'' Ron beamed, finally slumping down on his bed, his eyes alight with excitement and glee.

Obviously now some kind of reaction was expected, and Harry tried. ''That's great!'' he said with the forced enthusiasm of someone who hasn't the first clue what the other one was talking about.

''Diagon Alley!" Ron cried again. ''Have you never been?''

''Ehm... no, I guess not."

''But you must know it. Everybody knows it!''

Harry just shook his head.

''Huh. It's our shopping street in London, and there are the best shops, you know? Wizard shops. And they don't have to hide all the good stuff, so you can really browse and look. There is this sweet shop, Honey Dukes, you won't believe the stuff they got! Everything! All kinds of chocolate and drops. Ones that make you float and ones that make you blow off steam and ones that turn your hair different colours! And Charlie said it is nothing compared to their shop in Hogsmeade. I so want to go there. Oh, and then there is 'Quidditch Supplies'! They always have the newest brooms and stuff, it's totally cool! You really never been there?''

Harry shook his head again. ''I've been living with my aunt and uncle. They are not wizards, so they probably wouldn't go there.''

''Oh, right. No, they probably wouldn't. They couldn't. It's hidden behind this brick wall in the backyard of a pub, you know, and Muggles don't know how to get there. That's why it is so cool, because we don't have to hide!''

Harry smiled at him to not spoil his excitement. Even if he didn't share it. He didn't care much for shopping trips, he had been to shopping-centres with the Dursleys often enough. There he had been dragged from one shop to the other by his aunt, watching as she bought Dudley everything he wanted, while Harry never got a thing. He actually had liked it better when they just locked him in the car in the parking garage, where he wouldn't get bruises from being hauled around, where he wouldn't have to run and fetch whatever Dudley needed and then carry the bags, and where he wouldn't be scolded for not smiling and looking like he enjoyed it all so that no one would look at his aunt disapprovingly.

So no, he didn't care much for shopping. On the other hand he had never been to a wizard shopping street. He had never been to any place wizards openly showed off their magic, so that sounded kind of exciting. But it also sounded like a place that he would have loved to explore with his godfather, and it felt wrong to have fun without him, almost like he was cheating on him.

''You know, I really have to thank you for this,'' Ron interrupted Harry's thoughts.

Harry looked at him confused. ''Huh?''

Ron bounced a little on his bed. ''I think Mum felt sorry for you, you know, because you have been kidnapped and all that, and when you ran away they were really worried. I don't know how you did it, I think she would have had my hide if I'd have pulled something like this. And you get a shopping trip...'' Ron shook his head in awe.

Harry bit his lip. ''I'm sorry,'' he mumbled.

''Are you crazy? It's totally brilliant!'' Ron grinned at him from one ear to the other. Then, as if he suddenly had realized something, or maybe noticed the less joyful expression on Harry's face, his smile dropped. He looked at him a little awkwardly. ''So... why _did_ you run away?'' he asked more quietly. ''You really hate it here that much?''

Harry looked horrified at the disappointed expression on the freckled boy. Was he actually _sad_ that Harry felt that way? ''I-I-...no,'' he stammered. ''I just... please, don't say anything, but I thought I could maybe...see Sirius.''

Harry looked at the other boy imploringly and Ron smiled at him. ''I thought that might be it,'' he said, looking content once more, but just as quickly that was replaced by a very deep blush. He looked away from Harry when he mumbled, ''I won't. Say anything. I didn't want to say anything before, it kind of just came out. I didn't want to tell on you or anything.''

Harry looked at him with confusion written all over his face.

''I kind of told them about your uncle,'' Ron glanced at him.

''Oh.'' Now it was Harry who was blushing. ''W-what did you tell them?'' he asked in a very small voice. If the Weasleys knew, maybe that would change things. He had not thought about it before, but maybe they had not hit him until now because they had not known that he deserved it. Of course Sirius had said he didn't, but the Weasleys probably wouldn't agree with anything Sirius said. And now they probably thought he was really bad, maybe they thought he had deceived them. Harry suddenly felt very sick. He had gone completely pale.

Suddenly the mattress sagged to his left and when he looked up he saw Ron sitting there with a very guilty expression. ''Only that he hit you sometimes. I'm really sorry, Harry. I promise I won't tell them anything again. I...I would really like to be your friend.''

Harry looked at him stunned. ''My friend?'' he gasped and Ron's face fell immediately.

''It's okay if you don't want to, I just thought...''

''No!'' Harry interrupted him. ''I would like that. Really! It's just... nobody ever asked me something like that. I-I never had a friend before, you see?'' He looked at the redhead feeling the blood creep up his cheeks.

Ron grinned. ''Me neither,'' he said, anxiety forgotten. ''It's always just me and my brothers. And Ginny. But she's a girl. There are no other wizard kids in the village and my mother doesn't want us to play with Muggles. I think she's afraid we would tell them we're wizards or accidentally do magic or something.''

Harry nodded and smiled. He didn't want to explain why _he_ had never made any friends. He didn't think it was the best way to reassure Ron in this new friendship.

-xox-

Sirius had slept for a few more hours and woke up when his stomach was growling so loudly it, well, woke him up. A glance at the old-fashioned clock on the nightstand told him it was lunch time, and since he had already missed breakfast, he crawled out of bed and, after a short break to catch his breath and wait for the room to stop spinning, went down the wooden stairs to the living area.

The sun had come up and was falling with a warm yellow light through the windows, dancing on the scrubbed wooden surfaces. Remus was nowhere in sight. Sirius saw that the back door in the kitchen stood slightly ajar and he made a step towards it instinctively, before his brain kindly asked him what he thought he was doing. He stopped two yards from the door that led outside into the sunshine and tried to push down the overwhelming need to just walk out and feel its rays on his skin.

The door was pushed open from the other side and Remus came in with a slightly sweaty face, dirt marks on his robes and a wooden box full of vegetables in his arms.

''Oh, you're up!'' he said, stopping on the threshold.

Sirius grinned. ''Just now,'' he said, repeating the first lines of conversation from this morning.

Remus smiled back and put the box on the kitchen table, moving to close the door behind him.

''No! Don't...' Sirius broke off, feeling stupid. But Remus looked at him expectantly and he couldn't think of any excuse but the truth. ''I can't go out, but if the door is open, it feels less...'' He broke off again. ''I'm sorry, it's stupid, it's the middle of winter, of course you have to... Just, close it.''

Remus didn't move and just kept watching him with that look of his that saw too much, especially after their last conversation that left him feeling raw and naked and exposed. Sirius turned away feeling stupid and childish and too embarrassed to meet Remus eyes. That's when he heard his friend quietly casting a heating charm and shortly after felt a hand on his shoulder.

''If you sit down on the floor against the door you can sit in the sun for a while.''

Sirius turned towards his friend, stunned. ''How...?''

''I remember how you used to lean your head back and hold your face into the sun. Even in winter. You said you liked the feeling of the rays on your face and... the light.'' Now it was Remus who looked embarrassed.

Sirius smiled at him and mouthed a 'Thanks', then he went and flopped down in the golden light on the wooden floor of Remus' kitchen, holding his face up to meet the rays.

Remus was rummaging around him, handling pots and pans and cutting what looked like potatoes and carrots. When the sun had moved too far around the cottage for the light to still spill through the frame, Sirius quietly got up and closed the door. After a few minutes in which he had watched his friend silently, and Remus had not tried to make conversation either, he finally broke the silence.

''So... what's for lunch?'' he asked, trying for a cheerful tone.

Remus looked at him with one of his quiet smiles. ''Vegetable Stew. I'm sorry, but it's all I have.''

Sirius studied the patched robes and the thin form of his friend. The years had not been good to him. He had not asked yet, the topic was too much that of strangers. 'What do you do for a living?' Asking that would be admitting that they didn't know each other anymore, or maybe just that he didn't know Remus anymore. But obviously his friend was barely scraping along. And now he had another hungry mouth to feed...

''Vegetable Stew sounds good. I guess I can use the vitamins. In Azkaban it was mostly stale bread.'' He crossed the room and looked over the shoulder of his friend. ''Can I help with something?''

Another smile. ''You can cut the onions.''

So Sirius went to chopping.

''If you have some parchment for me later, I will give you legal authority for my Gringotts vault,'' Sirius said lightly. There was a pause in the rhythm of the knife and when Sirius glanced at the back of his friend he could see how he had stiffened.

''Anything special that you need?'' Remus finally asked, his voice a little strained as he resumed his cutting.

''Well, I have to pay for my expenses and give you some kind of rent. Also I want to order some late Christmas presents for Harry. I had a few ones already packed away at the cabin, but mostly you got in my way of Christmas shopping.''

Remus had turned around and was looking at Sirius with a frown. ''I'm not a Bed and Breakfast and you're not on holiday. You are my friend, I don't take money from you. And I don't need charity. It's just that I didn't want to leave you alone for as long as it takes to get to the next village and a butcher.''

Sirius sighed. ''Remus, I know you can be a bloody fool about these things, but please don't make this harder. It's not charity when I pay my part of the costs of our living. It would be charity if you not only allowed me to intrude in your home with all my problems but also had to feed and clothe me. Yes, I am your friend, so don't expect me to take advantage of you.''

Remus faltered a little at Sirius passionate speech. ''Okay... But only for food. You will not pay rent for what I know you see as a prison.''

Sirius stepped closer to his friend. '' You think that is how I feel?''

Remus sighed. ''Sirius, I can see-''

''No. Your home is not my prison. This is.'' He indicated at the collar. ''And you are not keeping me a prisoner, Moony, the Ministry is. I was in prison for seven years, and believe me it didn't look anything like this. It wasn't cozy and filled with books and sunshine and my best friend. Nobody cooked for me or decorated my cell.'' He looked away. ''I might sometimes have difficulty remembering it, but please don't think that's how I feel. I'm glad to be here.''

Remus smiled, for the first time a genuinely happy one.

''So...'' Sirius picked up the topic, ''I'll pay rent. It's the normal thing to do, James paid rent when we lived together before he and Lily got married too.''

''And I remember you saying it was ridiculous that he wanted to pay you rent for living in your flat.''

''Well it was...''

''So is this.''

''Still he did. Look, Moony...''

Luckily at that moment the argument was interrupted by an insistent knocking on the window. A large and somewhat ruffled owl was sitting on the window sill, looking in. Remus frowned. He seldom got post, and this wasn't one of the Hogwarts School owls or an official Ministry owl. He opened the window and the bird flopped in clumsily. Remus untied the scroll and handed the owl an owl treat from a bowl he kept by the window for exactly these purposes. The bird seemed to sigh, flapped its wings and took of again with what looked like great effort. Remus unrolled the parchment and read the letter, his frown deepening further.

''It seems a Bill Weasley wants to meet me in Diagon Alley tomorrow,'' he said puzzled, looking up at his dark-haired friend.

Sirius frowned. ''One of the Weasleys? Wait... Bill? I think I remember...back then, when we used to hang out with Fabian and Gideon once in a while... they had this nephew who stayed at their house sometimes. Molly was so preoccupied because she just had given birth again, I think twins that time. I lost count how many sprogs she had up till then, but I think Bill was the eldest. Funny kid. Loved my motorbike. He was yet to go to Hogwarts then, so he must have been nine or ten... You think that's him?''

''Why would he want to meet me? I don't think I've met him before. I wasn't aware he even knew me...''

''Harry?'' Sirius asked quietly, suddenly looking vulnerable.

Remus face was full of compassion and understanding. ''I don't think I would hear from one of the Weasley's children if something was wrong with Harry, Padfoot. It would be Molly writing. And why not just say so in a letter, why the need to meet me in person? It's all very strange.''

''He must be seventeen or eighteen now,'' Sirius mumbled. ''Eighteen, or he'd still be at school. Are you going?''

Remus shrugged. ''He says it is important. And if you want me to go to your vault, I'd have to go to Diagon Alley anyway.''

The strangeness of the request was discarded for the moment and the two friends resumed their preparation for what was bound to become a rather late lunch.

-xox-

When Harry woke up the next morning, he didn't feel desperate and had to admit that he was maybe even a little excited. He looked over at the red shock of hair protruding from the covers of the other bed in the room. Ron was still asleep. Ron. His _friend_. It still puzzled him why the other boy wanted to become his friend, but since the offer had seemed to be honest he had not dared to ask about the motives.

Ron stirred and rolled over, opening his eyes like a disgruntled owl, but when his eyes met Harry's his face broke into one of his wide grins and he came up on his elbows.

At that moment there came a loud banging from the wall behind him and a voice that could be Fred's or George's shouting: ''Diagon Alley Day!''

As if that had been the starting-shot Ron jumped out of bed and started rummaging for his clothes.

''Come on Harry, hurry up! The sooner we go the longer we can stay!''

Harry, still not sure this whole shopping trip was such a brilliant thing, got up and started to get dressed, forcing a smile on his face. If Ron was looking forward to this he would not spoil his fun by being a grouch. He was quite sure that was what friends did, after all.

They had travelled once more through the green flames and had arrived in an old, dimly lit pub. There were few people sitting in the dark corners, most of which were looking a little strange and sometimes even downright creepy. The room was only lit by candles and it smelled of malt, stale smoke and wood. Mrs. Weasley had immediately ushered them out into the backyard, which was empty and fenced in by a crumbling brick wall. Harry had been looking around, confused about what it might be that Mrs. Weasley wanted here, and almost missed one of the most astounding moments of his until now short life. Mrs. Weasley had done something with her stick, which he had learned now was a wand, and suddenly the whole wall began to shift, the bricks rearranging themselves to open into a doorway that led to a bustling street, filled with people and colourful stands and bright shop windows.

Mrs. Weasley turned towards them with a stern look on her face. ''Now, stay together, children, we don't want to lose each other!'' she inculcated them. ''Bill, you can take Ron and Harry and I take Ginny. No, George, that doesn't mean that you can go wandering off together, you stay with me too. And if you think you can pull your tricks again, making me believe one of you is both of you while the other sneaks into Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, it will be the last time I take you to Diagon Alley!''

Harry took Bill's hand while Ron took his other and they stepped through the newly appeared gap into the wizard street. Harry's jaw dropped when he saw all there was to see and he kept stumbling along between the rest of the Weasleys, while he tried to look everywhere at the same time.

''So, where to first, Mum?'' Bill asked.

''Honey Dukes!'' Ron cried.

''Gambol and Japes!'' Fred and George shouted in unison.

''Quidditch Supplies!'' Strangely enough that had been Ginny.

Mrs. Weasley sighed. Bill laughed.

''Madame Malkins. Arthur needs a new robe for work and I like to see what she has in the used children's robes section. Then the apothecary...'' Fred and George were already booing. ''Cut it out you two!''

Mrs. Weasley herded them down the street and Harry felt utterly stupid. How could he have thought this would be like the Little Whinging Shopping Centre. This was totally fantastic! The street was as crooked as the houses and the windows as colourful as the clothes the people were wearing. There were stands selling the strangest things Harry had ever seen, from batches of gnarled roots to little bottles that were glowing in all colours of the rainbow. There was a shop called Magical Menagerie that had a cage with lizards out front that were bright purple, and one that was stacked with silver instruments and golden telescopes and what looked like little moons and planets whirling around in midair.

They finally came to a shop that had a mannequin with long elegant robes in a dark violet colour in the window. Harry looked at it and blinked. The mannequin had just turned around, while raising its arms. After a few moments it changed position again and waved at him while its doll face stayed a frozen mask. Harry wasn't sure if it was cool or creepy. After entering, Mrs. Weasley walked straight through the displays of elegant and beautiful robes to the back of the shop, where a huddle of clothes in all sizes and colour – some of them in rather strange combinations - was stuffed in high shelves. A large sign was attached on top, reading 'Second Hand - Two items for a sickle'. Mrs. Weasley allowed them to find one they liked each, while she hunted for the more reasonable articles. Harry found a red jumper that had a picture of a black dog knitted on the front, which looked almost like Padfoot. It also looked rather small, but Bill assured him that it would fit. It was half as big as anything he had ever worn at the Dursleys.

It was when they came out of 'Madame Malkins' and Mrs. Weasley was already on her way to the apothecary, that Bill, Ron and Harry were thwarted on their way and fell behind. While they were standing in front of the shop, waiting for the current of passers-by to ebb away, Harry suddenly saw him. He was standing in the middle of the street and people were pressing and pushing around him, making him stick out like a rock in the sea.

Harry let go of Bill's hand without thinking. He didn't know what it was he wanted to do or say, but then his gaze met that of the man and he was smiling, a smile that lit up his face, directly at him, and Harry started to run. He pushed and shoved against the other people as best as he could, winding his way through and around them.

''Remus!'' he called and then the small boy threw himself forward and collided with the legs of Remus Lupin.

-xox-

It was an almost resounding silence that remained the moment the door had closed behind Remus. Sirius knew it was utter silliness, he had been alone a lot in his life. Seven years in Azkaban for one. Long weeks in the summer holidays at Grimmauld Place when his parents locked him in his room – _don't think about the cellar! _In his own flat after James had married and moved out. The months in fifth year after the incident – _no, don't think about that either! _Fact was, there was no reason at all to feel panic just because Remus was not there. He was not a little boy, he didn't need Remus to hold his hand twenty-four seven, for Godric's sake!

He went from the living-area up the stairs to his room that Remus had decorated so lovingly, like he was welcoming the mischievous, laughing boy from their school days and not the damaged shell that the Dementors had left behind, finishing the job his parents had started so many years ago. How much was left of Sirius Black? And now Remus knew... Sirius felt almost sick when he remembered what he had said, all those words, all those truths that his throat had rapped out like something indigestible that had been lodged inside him for so long, slowly rotting, and still left him feeling empty after he had spilled it out in an unstoppable tidal wave. Remus knew... He had been afraid that he already did, had seen something different in his eyes when Remus looked at him, not pity, no, not that, but a knowledge that seemed to allow him to see deeper, deeper than Sirius felt comfortable with, when holding up the walls was already so hard it left him aching and exhausted.

The room felt like a look back into a past that seemed like a dream, and maybe it had been just that. There was a picture on the wall with a laughing James throwing an arm around the shoulder of his much younger self. He looked carefree, and he knew he had been. Those days and months at Hogwarts with his friends, his real family, that had been his life. The summers in the dark gaol that was his parental home, the pain and the humiliation, didn't happen to this boy. It had been someone else, a weak and ugly twin who took his place and who vanished the moment the Hogwart's Express left Platform 9 ¾ in King's Cross Station. Remus had asked why he had not told them and while it was true that he knew they would not be able to help him, the real reason had been something else. The real reason had been that all these things had not happened to their friend and, if he ever had to admit that they had, that he and the weak, pathetic shit who cried and begged to be released from his prison in the cellar, who obediently bent over for his father and took it were the same person, he knew Sirius Black, Marauder, daring mischief-maker and Gryffindor hero, would have ceased to exist. And he needed to be that Sirius Black to be able to survive being the other.

He studied the picture a little longer, the two friends and brothers, forever frozen in their youth and their belief that the world was waiting and they would conquer it. It was their final year of school and none of them had ever imagined that barely four years later one would be dead and one be better off to be. He tore his gaze from the picture and, feeling restless once more, resumed striding through the small cottage, trying to shake the feeling that the walls were moving in on him.

He was standing in the middle of the living room, contemplating the benefit of making some tea, when there was a knock on the door.

Sirius froze bewildered, for a moment he had no idea what he should do about it. He had a sudden vision of himself strolling to the door, opening it with a flourishing gesture and a charming smile, asking 'And what can I do for you on such a beautiful day?'. Just when he made a hesitant step, there was a second knock and then the door was pushed open and a man stepped over the threshold, letting Sirius relax in disgust. Him he could handle. Then another form entered with a graceful but haughty fluency, and Sirius' composure evaporated.

''What the hell is he doing here?'' he growled.

''You have a visitor,'' Archibald Smith said, failing to answer the actual question.

''I don't associate with Death Eaters!'' Sirius spat furiously. The last thing he wanted was another battle of whatever it was they were battling over since Sirius had been a young boy, especially when everything was once more stacked against him.

''Unlike you, Black, I was cleared of all charges since those silly accusations against me were the result of a mere misunderstanding,'' Lucius Malfoy said, his eyes sweeping over the interior of Remus' cottage with an air of mild disgust, making a show of his lack of interest.

''Oh yeah,'' Sirius scoffed, ''and I am the living proof of how much you can trust that.''

''He is a member of the Wizengamot, Black.'' Baldy was as self-important as ever.

''Exactly.'' He turned his sneer in the direction of the idiot turned Auror. ''And if you had learned anything on procedure in Auror Training you would know that this not only makes him being here highly inappropriate, but also illegal. I don't have to be in the same room as him without my advocate!''

Baldy returned the sneer, once more missing the point in the conversation. ''Oh, you mean your little pet werewolf?''

Sirius lunged at him then, his fist balled and his aim clear. From the corner of his eye he saw Lucius smile triumphantly and, in a fluent movement, pulled back. Baldy's sneer deepened, but he also looked just a little disappointed.

''Think you are clever?'' Sirius moved towards the smaller man, his arms crossed over his chest now. ''Well, dimwit, I was top of the Auror Class. I broke out of Azkaban. And I managed to hit you with a Bludger in every single game at school! Who do you think's cleverer? I owe you a broken nose. But I have learned to be patient. I'll wait until AFTER I'm cleared.''

''Well, I'm sure this is all very exciting, you two catching up with each other,'' Malfoy said, his voice bored, ''but unfortunately I'm a busy man and have appointments, so if you could celebrate your reunion later on, that would be highly pleasant.''

Baldy immediately straightened. ''Of course, Mr. Malfoy. Take your time, I'll be outside.'' Turning round, he hurried out the door, leaving Sirius alone with the blonde man.

Sirius stared into the icy pale eyes. ''Now what, Lucius? You already established that you are still an insufferable prick the last time you came 'round. I can't see what else we would have to discuss?''

''Who's to say that I want to have a conversation with you Black? No, you have to regard this more like a visit to the zoo. You, of course, being the chimpanzee behind the bars. I see myself as the bored visitor rattling them.''

''Really?'' Sirius pressed on. ''And here I thought you were such a busy man. I would say I am honoured, just that I'm not.''

Lucius strolled deeper into the room, studying the simple home of Sirius' best friend with disdain. ''Charming,'' he said with his voice dripping with scorn. This more than anything lit up the fury inside the confined wizard. He couldn't help it, Lucius just had this way of finding a soft spot and pushing his finger in deeper and deeper and twisting it, all with this thin haughty smile of his.

''So how does it feel, dear cousin?'' Lucius went on, still not deigning to look at him. ''To be a dog on a leash?'' Now he shot him a smug look, designed to tell Sirius that he knew his secret. ''To be a useless waste, not even allowed to lift one magical finger? Are you scrubbing the dishes to pay back your halfbreed friend for his generous offer to babysit and potty-train you? Or are you hunting for the rats and cockroaches this shack is undoubtedly infested with? I'm sure you must have perfected that skill in your former home, if nothing else...''

Sirius ground his teeth together. _Don't let him get to you. Don't give him the control. _''Do you just love to hear the sound of your own voice, or is there some sort of sense in your madness?'' Sirius decided that two could play this game and, turning his back to the unwelcome visitor, strolled over to the fireplace, falling back on the couch.

He wasn't sure of his motives yet, and with Lucius there were bound to be more sordid ones than anyone could imagine, but it was painfully clear that he wanted Sirius to break. Well he had always liked _that_ game, but there was something else to it this time. Sirius would almost have called it desperation, if it wouldn't have been so unthinkable to associate such a notion with Lucius Malfoy.

''Really, Sirius, I'm only waiting to see what you do to that shabby halfbreed, who was stupid enough to take you in. After all your friends normally meet a sticky end sooner rather than later, don't they? There are so many of them, it really has one thinking. Those nice Prewett brothers for example, and I think I remember some gossip about a steamy affair with that McKinnon girl, what was her name? Marian? Margarete? But then you absolutely outdid yourself with Potter, of course. Your brother, isn't that what you used to call him? Now, you know what they say, Sirius, losing one friend might be considered bad luck, losing two seems a little careless. So in your case...''

_Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore him. IGNORE HIM._

''And now you even managed to lose Potter's brat, the one you swore to protect. I really wonder what he would say about your poor performance there.'' Although he couldn't see him, would absolutely not look at him, Sirius just knew that Lucius was shaking his head in faked sympathy. ''What I'm asking myself is, would James Potter still call you his _brother,_ if he could see the pathetic wreck you are now and the mess you have made.''

''Okay, that is enough,'' Sirius said quietly. ''I don't care what you call me, but you will not insult James, and somebody like you already does that by saying his name. And you will not insult Remus, while polluting his house with your presence. You obviously don't have anything substantial to say, so please, shut your gob and go bore someone else!''

There was a moment of silence, and then Lucius' almost cheerful - if he had been able to express himself that way - laugh rang out in the cottage.

''Ah, you never were one for a well-mannered spot of conversation. And after all the _effort_ your mother put into your up-bringing.'' There were steps moving to the door. ''Very well, I leave you to your rotting. I only wanted to bring you the happy news. Your days officially are counted now. They set the date for your trial. Three days. That's all you have left. And if you think your rat friend will help you, I think you'll be disappointed. So I'd make the best of it.'' He paused.''Oh well, I forgot, you really _can't_, can you?''

-xox-

For a moment Remus was shocked, not so much by the impact, but by the enthusiasm behind it. He bent down and held the small body against him, with an almost guilty pleasure. He knew what his incarcerated friend would have given for this embrace.

In Harry's wake came a young man with his shoulder length red hair bound in a ponytail and an equally red haired boy about Harry's age. Remus had the strong suspicion that this young man was the ominous Bill Weasley, who had wanted to meet up with him today. And from the wide grin on his face, Remus drew the astute conclusion that the little boy, newly attached to his legs, was no accident at all.

''Mr. Lupin?'' the young man said, when he reached him. Sirius must have guessed right, he looked about eighteen. ''I am Bill Weasley. I sent you an owl yesterday. Thank you for coming! I know it was a rather strange request.'' He smiled at him, looking a little awkward. Being an adult was still new to him.

Harry had turned towards the two Weasleys, but was still clutching his robes. With his hand placed softly on the small boy's shoulder, Remus smiled at them. ''Nice to meet you, Mr. Weasley. Hello, Ron! How are you?''

''Please, call me Bill. I'm just out of school, and Mr. Weasley is my Dad.''

''Alright. But then you have to call me Remus.'' He hesitated for a moment in which he studied the young wizard. ''Can I assume that you know your mother doesn't want me to see Harry?'' he asked.

Bill nodded. ''Yeah, I know, and I really don't want to cause trouble, but my mother is just a little stubborn about some things, Mr. Lupin – Remus.'' He grinned, showing his white teeth. ''Actually she could show up any moment, she's at Slug & Jiggers down the street right now, probably wondering where we are. Just so that you are warned.''

Remus nodded.

''Remus?'' Harry's voice came up from around his hips. ''Can we go to Sirius now?''

They had moved a little to the side of the street, in front of a shop window of a magical florist and Remus crouched down, so that he could look up at Harry, instead of the other way around.

''I am sorry Harry, I would love to, and Sirius desperately wants to see you, but we can't. Without the permission of your guardian, which is Mrs. Weasley right now, you won't be allowed to see him. You know that Sirius is waiting to have his trial, so that we can prove that he has done nothing wrong and he won't have to go back to the prison, don't you? Until then he is staying with me, at my cottage, but he can't leave there. He is magically bound to the house and visitors have to apply for permission at the Ministry. Those are the rules.''

Harry nodded miserably and Remus' heart ached for the little boy, who did not whine and beg but simply accepted that he was subject to the wishes of others, who made up rules that made no sense to him.

''Is he alright though?'' Harry asked in a whisper.

Remus hugged him then, it was simply impossible not to, he looked so lost. ''Yes, he is better, Harry. Much better than when he was in hospital. Still a little weak, but getting stronger everyday. You don't have to worry, he is a fighter. Nothing gets Sirius Black down that easily.''

''Mr. Lupin! May I ask what you are doing here!''

Bill winced, while the rest of the Weasley children ducked their heads. They knew when a storm was coming. But Remus had faced a lot in his life and Mrs. Weasley, while having a very impressive scowl, painted with righteous anger, was no match for a Death Eater, a pack of werewolves or a Ministry official hellbent on bringing a dangerous beast like him into custody.

''Mrs. Weasley, I can assure you this was a mere coincidence-''

''Actually, it was not,'' Bill said with admirable calm. ''I planned it. I know you think you need to protect Harry, Mum, but Mr. Lupin is not a criminal, he is even a friend of Dumbledore's! And Harry wants to see him, don't you Harry?'' He looked meaningful at Harry, and really, the tight fists that were still clutching Remus' robes spoke for themselves. ''He was a close friend of Harry's parents too, he could tell him so much about them. Don't you think that is important?''

One could almost see the wheels turn in Mrs. Weasley's head. The arguments were good, and Remus wisely let Bill do the talking, knowing that it was better to look properly humble and bashful. For good measure and because he honestly was savouring the feeling of little Harry pressing against him so trustingly, Remus stroked over his unruly black hair, pulling him still a little closer.

''What do you think, Mum, if you do the rest of the shopping and Remus and I take the kids to Florian Fortescue for a hot chocolate?''

''Chocolate!'' ''Yeah, hot chocolate!'' ''And a melting brownie, can I have one of those Mum?''

Mrs Weasley raised an eyebrow at Bill when he called Remus by his forename. The look she sent in his direction directly translated to 'Don't think you are cleverer than me, you brat!'. Bill smiled at her innocently.

''I think that would be an excellent idea,'' Remus said with a smile that dared to look cheerful. ''My treat?''

But in the end it was Harry who melted Mrs. Weasley's doubts and resistance. ''Please, Mrs. Weasley?'' he asked, looking at her with those big green, frightened eyes, ''Can I go have a hot chocolate with Remus?''

TBC

* * *

**A/N: **I know many of you expected Bill to bring Harry to Sirius, or arrange a meeting in Diagon Alley. Unfortunately that is not possible. Sirius is confined at the cottage, he CAN'T leave. As for Bill going there... Even if he could get away, probably risking disownment, he is only eighteen and not Superman. There is 24/7 Auror surveillance at the cottage and he couldn't get around that and would have been in BIG trouble for trying.

**Feedback would be highly appreciated!**

Come on... I wrote this on my holiday! ;)

-x-

**Reviewers Anonymous****: Roonil Wazlib: **Okay, I'm blushing. That was definitely one of the highest praise I've got so far. Thank you! *bows humbly* Also, I'm glad that Molly's reaction is believable for you. **HebHibHob: **I don't think you need to be a crier to be upset by the last chapter. I was upset by writing it! And for turning you into a fangirl? *laughs* Well, I'm already joking about starting an We-adore-(dreamy)-Bill-Weasley-Fanclub. You could be president! Thank you again and a bunch of kisses! **llcambbell: **I know I went deep into the, well, cellar last time, so one serving of relief coming right up! Next chapter will have a second helping. :) **BloOm: **Ehm... I guess I should have handed out tissues with the last one... Sorry!:( And, yes, soon! ;) As always, thank you so much for the kind comment! Bisous! **Lindy: **Welcome to this universe, and thank you very much for your praise! I hope you haven't missed anything important during that two days, though. ;) Is the story really that long already!


	8. Loyalty

**A/N: **Okay this took a little longer than expected but I still think it is justified to call it a fast update. That you are able to get it as quickly is solely the credit of **jogger**, without whom I would still be obsessing about it, and of course **ambush99**, who managed to edit this in high speed although she is up to her ears in work AND newly in love - Congratulations, honey! :)

Also, wonderful and talented **Inigeshi **has made another beautiful picture for this story. THANK YOU! It's Sirius sitting in the sun, and believe me you want to see it. The link can be found on my profile!

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Loyalty**

_So you found me out, did you Lucius? I actually knew your father very well. Your son is a bit of a fool, though. I would have expected the Malfoy heir to know better than to pour his poor little heart out to a magical object he knows nothing about. I'm pretty sure your father would have taught you that at this age._

_Draco might have acted like a fool, still I can't allow you to continue to use him, you know that._

_Yes. I know. But whatever will you do about it, Lucius? How is dear little Draco these days by the way? Feeling a little under the weather? _

_He has a fever. The medi-wizard_

_Will not be able to help him. Only I can do that. If you will help ME. I know you Lucius, I've been living in your house for the past weeks. You want it. The power only I can give you._

_Maybe I do._

-xoSox-

It was a happy crowd that left Diagon Alley that day. The only ones with maybe a little bit of distress left were Harry and Mrs. Weasley.

Harry was still a little miserable because of Remus words regarding his chances of seeing Sirius. But then the tawny-haired wizard with the gentle smile had winked at him while saying goodbye and in a low whisper said, ''Don't worry, we'll think of something.'' So Harry was not whole-heartedly happy, but at least he was hopeful.

Mrs. Weasley on the other hand was not at all sure whether Remus Lupin and her own flesh and blood had not played her like a three-bellied bag-pipe. When she came into Florian Fortescue's little coffee shop, packed with bags, she found her offspring, Harry and Remus around a table stacked with hot chocolate and biscuits, talking animatedly. It was a picture she had not expected, especially not the smiling little black-haired boy. It was the first time she had heard Harry laugh and it went right through her, bringing her close to tears. Remus saw her standing in the doorway then and he knew that the first stone had been loosened. It would take time to bring that brick wall down, but there was a start. And as gentle and benign as he might look, there were a few who could have told about the devious side of Remus Lupin.

Remus himself had been on his best behaviour. Polite, unobtrusive and with a calm and gentle charm. He had not tried to push the issue of Sirius, because he knew that it was a red flag for Molly Weasley. So he instead had told her how glad he was that the Weasleys had taken Harry in, since his relatives shouldn't be allowed to take care of so much as a canary. He had maybe overdone it a little when he remarked that the world needed more people like the Weasleys, who graciously and selflessly helped those in need, but in the end he had masterly played his two biggest trumps. Albus Dumbledore and little Harry Potter's happy face.

Remus had worked out quickly that, if nothing else, Molly Weasley had the deepest respect for Albus Dumbledore. So when Remus inconspicuously brought up the fact that Albus and he had been together in this whole story from the beginning, especially in the search for Harry which led to his discovery of them two weeks ago, Molly Weasley had started to look at him differently. Remus shamelessly put on his best humble face and told her that of course he had been ready and willing when Albus needed his help after that. He would help Albus Dumbledore however he could, since he owed that man his very life. That all went down very well, and Molly Weasley started to see him more as the protégé of Dumbledore, than the accomplice of Sirius Black.

And then there was Harry. Harry who looked happy after Remus had told him how much Sirius missed him, thought of him and talked about him. How very, very much he loved him. Bill had bound his siblings to keep everything that was said about Sirius a secret since already the name spoken out loud was reason enough to send their mother into a fit. The redheads had all nodded eagerly and promised to keep silent, obviously excited to become something like members of a secret society.

When he and Bill had gone to pick up refills for their drinks, Bill had given Remus a short account of the events from the last days and how from his point of view Harry was scared and unhappy and felt homesick for his godfather. He knew it was not in his power to get Sirius to Harry or Harry to Sirius, so he thought Remus would be the next best thing, and maybe the older wizard would have an idea of how they could help Harry.

They didn't have much. Things were difficult and complicated, but in the end they at least had a plan. The strategy would be gentle coercion. At first they had to get Molly Weasley to agree to Remus seeing Harry, which Bill was sure would only need a little bit of Remus' charm and the appeal to his mothers soft spot, namely little Harry Potter. Remus, ever the wily bastard, would then act as a speaking tube for godfather and godson. With time and the trial approaching and Sirius' innocence being about to be proved, they were hoping to get Molly to loosen up her reins a little. They both agreed that for Harry the uncertainty must be the worst. It had been apparent in the way he had lapped up any crumb of information about his godfather that Remus could give him.

For Remus the biggest surprise had been how readily Bill Weasley had accepted the idea of Sirius' innocence, especially when his parents seemed to see the matter so differently. But when he asked him, Bill had just grinned and said, ''There is nothing as convincing as the love and admiration of a little boy, especially since I had my own experience of Sirius Black at that age.''

Remus grinned at him then. ''Ah yes, the motorbike. Many fell under that spell.''

Bill blushed. ''I didn't think he would remember. I guess I was a little annoying back then.''

Remus' face grew sombre. ''He actually doesn't remember everything yet. He still has a few blank parts and holes in his memories, especially in the good and happy ones, those that the Dementors would feed on. But it's coming back. He remembered that you used to visit your uncles.'' He smiled sadly at the younger wizard at the mention of the Prewett brothers. ''He said you were a funny kid.''

Bill laughed. ''Well, let's wait till he has his full memory back.''

Remus didn't laugh, if anything he grew more serious. ''Bill... I – we – really owe you gratitude for this. For making this possible. For caring about Harry. It means a lot to me and probably even more to Sirius. Harry...'' He looked back to the table, where Ron and Harry were grinning while watching the twins trying to shoot each other with improvised blowpipes, made out of their straws and crumbs from the biscuits. Remus shook his head sadly. ''He is still so young. And he has been through a lot. His relatives, they have hurt him. Badly. And not only physically. Most of all he needs to feel secure. And Sirius had managed to make him feel that way in the months they spent together. Sometimes I think it would have been best if I had never found them. And Sirius... sometimes I think taking care of Harry was what held him together. I'm worried about him, he is so...'' Remus hesitated when he saw Bill's expression, obviously surprised and a little disturbed. Remus had to remind himself that he was barely more than a kid himself. ''It's hard for him,'' he finally said to avoid diving deeper into the issue. ''But I think hearing from Harry will help him.''

Bill nodded, looking sincere and concerned.

''Now, let's feed this horde, and then we'll get the show rolling.''

And that was exactly what they had done.

-xox-

Sirius was still sitting on the couch, staring into the dying flames, when Remus arrived back home. He didn't move or turn around when the other wizard came through the door, shaking off some stray snowflakes.

''It's chilly in here,'' Remus said, toeing off his shoes.

Sirius just shrugged, not looking up.

''Why are you letting the fire go out?''

''The collar. Can't reach into the fireplace.''

''You used to throw the wood in from across the common room.''

''That was by magic.''

Remus sighed, obviously he wasn't in the mood to have a discussion when he thought Sirius was sulking.

''I have seen Harry.''

The name alone was like being hit by a lightning-bolt and Sirius whipped around in his seat. ''You have?'' he breathed.

Remus nodded.

He jumped up from the couch then, rushing forward eagerly, almost expecting to see his godson stepping out from behind his friend. ''Where? When? How is he? What did he say? Did he ask about me?''

Remus smiled. ''He is fine, but he is missing you, of course, and wants to see you.'' Sirius sighed, caught between worry for the small boy and relief that he had not been forgotten. ''It was Bill,'' Remus explained. ''He set us up. It seems he doesn't share his mother's opinions, and he still remembers you fondly. Your motorbike obviously was worth something after all.''

Sirius looked up surprised. ''Huh. Wouldn't have thought he even remembers me...''

''You are hard to forget, Padfoot.'' Remus grinned and Sirius grinned back. It was only for a moment, but there it was, that easy camaraderie that once had been so self-evident and taken for granted.

''And he took Harry to see you? Can he-''

''No. I'm sorry Padfoot, not without Molly's permission. She is his guardian, she has to apply for visiting rights.''

Sirius sighed bitterly, looking away. ''To me it seems every Tom, Dick and Harry can walk in here. I already had the dick visiting, so why not Harry?'' he mumbled, not noticing Remus' frown.

''Anyway, Molly agreed to let me visit Harry at the Burrow. I can go see him tomorrow, I am even invited to lunch.'' Remus said, his voice sounding excited.

Sirius felt something stab and twist inside him and he had to take a deep breath to keep that ugly feeling buried.

''You are?'' he whispered, still not looking at Remus out of fear of what his friend might see in his eyes.

He knew this feeling, this little monster that was gnawing at him, clawing and tearing at him with sharp talons. Jealousy. Envy. He had felt it often enough, when they had arrived at Platform 9 ¾ after the school year was over and he saw Helena Potter and Deirdre Lupin hug their sons. When John Potter squeezed James' shoulder and pulled him against him, ruffling his already unruly hair. He tried not to think of Peter's parents, although he had to wonder if they were still alive, and what they might think about their son's miraculous resurrection from the dead.

Now he felt it again and, like then, when he was a small boy green with envy, he felt hideous for grudging his friends something he just did not seem to deserve. A family. Love. He had had a glimpse of that in those months he and Harry had spent at the cabin and Sirius had indulged in the illusion of actually being a _Dad_. He _should _feel hideous. Taking care of Harry shouldn't be about making _him _happy, it should be about Harry. So now Harry could see Remus and if it made Harry happy, that was great, and Remus obviously was happy as well and he should really be glad for him too, and if they got along maybe Harry wouldn't need him anymore, and it really wasn't about him being needed, he never had been, so why the fuck was it so hard to turn around and smile at his friend, who had done nothing but help him out here, he really was a loathsome bastard...

''Padfoot.''

Sirius started when Remus put a hand on his shoulder from behind.

''Now, don't be an idiot, Padfoot. What do you think I've been talking about with Harry right up until the point that Molly Weasley showed up?'' When Sirius didn't answer, Remus rolled his eyes. ''You! Bill thought it would help Harry if he had some way to contact and hear from you. He'd already attempted to run away because he thought he might find a way to see you. Here.''

Sirius stared at the parchment and quill that Remus had shoved at him. He looked up at him confused and guilty.

''Merlin, Pads, you used to be more sharp-minded. Now sit down and write him a letter!'' Walking off to stoke the fire, he mumbled, ''I doubt I will be more than the postman anyway.''

When Sirius had sat down on the kitchen table with quill and parchment, starting to ball up the first versions, Remus put a cup of steaming tea in front of him and sat down across the table with his own.

''So what was that about the dick you had visiting?''

The scratching of the quill on the parchment stopped, leaving a blot of ink. When Sirius looked up his face was a mask. ''Lucius. He came to gloat and inform me that my days have been numbered to the amount of three. They set a date for the trial.''

Sirius had refused to talk about the visit from Lucius anymore that evening, although it had clearly left an impression. Remus felt like there was a brick wall, shaped like the haughty pale blonde wizard, preventing him from getting his friend to open up. Sirius had always loathed the Malfoy heir with a vengeance that seemed to have a more personal note to it than the one he reserved for the standard Death Eater.

''So you're starting to bottle up again, is that it?'' Remus had asked finally annoyed, and Sirius had shot him a dark look. One of those that made you shiver down your spine.

''What do you want me to do, Remus? Spill out all my dark secrets? I'm a Black. There are a lot of them. Most aren't the right topic for a dinner party, at least not one that you would want to attend. Let it be, it's nothing of importance.''

That of course was exactly the thing to say to assure Remus that, really, it was. But he knew it would not help to push the issue now, so he changed the topic and soon they sat in amicable silence, slurping their tea, Remus scribbling something for an article on Grindylows and Sirius using up Remus' spare parchment to write the perfect letter.

''Really, Sirius, it's not a love letter. Harry will be happy to get anything that's signed with your name.'' And with that Remus snatched the last version out of Sirius' hands before he could destroy it once more.

-xox-

When Harry came down for breakfast the next morning he felt all giddy and excited and very, very impatient. He and Ron had been talking until late last night. Seeing that his big brother, who Ron admired even more than the Quidditch players from the Chudley Cannons, was holding the infamous Sirius Black in high regard, the odds in Ron's assessment of Harry's beloved godfather had shifted. The dam had broken, and Ron had asked curious questions about the man, whom he had thought of as a mass-murderer and monster, and who, according to Harry's narrations, was the coolest parent ever. Harry had recounted stories from their adventurous journey to the cabin at the Lakes and their months spent there together, and he had been elated by the way Ron listened wide-eyed and envied him for having such a great and exciting godfather.

Now Harry was eating his cereal in quite a hurry, as if the time till lunch would move faster if he ate his breakfast quickly. Mrs. Weasley was smiling at him, delighted over his enthusiastic appetite, and for a moment he smiled back before he remembered that he hated her. Blushing he bent over his bowl and shovelled a little slower.

After breakfast Mrs. Weasley set them up with housework, for which Harry was actually glad because that too made the hours go by more quickly. Still, while feeding the chicken, he kept glancing down the path he had come, what felt like an eternity ago, with Remus, when he had arrived at the Burrow for the first time. When he finally saw a tall figure walking up the slope with long if somewhat tired strides, he almost let the bowl with the grain tumble to the ground in his excitement. Eagerly he watched Remus approach, almost stepping on the chicken, while he flounced on the spot. When the wizard had come halfway up, he set the bowl down and ran to meet him, but stopped at the boundary hesitantly.

He was still a little self-conscious and unsure what to expect of the friend of his godfather, but he couldn't help but feel drawn to the gentle smile and kind eyes. Biting his lip he waited for Remus to come closer, and when he saw that smile lighting up the wizard's face, he relaxed.

''Hello Harry! What are you doing out here in the cold, looking out for me?''

''Feeding the chicken,'' Harry said shyly.

Remus smiled and crouched down in front of him. ''Sirius told me to give you a hug from him.''

Harry's face erupted in a beam at that, his body tingling with joy. Tentatively he stepped forward when Remus spread his arms slightly and then relaxed in the embrace as he was pulled closer.

''He gave me something for you,'' Remus whispered into his ear. ''But we have to be careful, we don't want Mrs. Weasley to see. Ah, well, here she comes.''

''Mr. Lupin! How good to see you.'' Molly Weasley was approaching with quick strides, drying her hands on her apron. ''I'm afraid you are a little early. I just put the meat loaf in the oven.''

Remus rose up, but kept one hand on Harry's shoulder, squeezing gently. ''That sounds delicious, Mrs. Weasley. And, please, if I could invite you to call me Remus? Your lovely children already do, so it only seems appropriate.''

Mrs. Weasley smiled approvingly at Remus' good manners. ''Of course. Friends of Dumbledore really are friends of ours. I'm Molly, as I'm sure you already know. So if you want to come in? I will see if I can quicken things up.''

''Oh, please, don't rush on my account. I just thought I could spend some time with Harry here before lunch.''

''Of course, why don't you follow me into the living-room.''

They went inside and Remus and Harry sat down on the couch, while Mrs. Weasley fussed around them, shooed her own children back to their tasks and brought tea. Harry was nibbling on his lower lip, his body tense and short of bouncing on the couch with nervous energy. He wished she would just go and leave them be already, so that Remus could give him whatever it was Sirius had sent him.

When Mrs. Weasley had used up every reasonable excuse to stay in the living-room, a kind of awkward silence fell. Remus calmly stirred his tea, while Harry sat on the edge of the couch, studying his outstretched legs with the brown and orange striped socks, which had been handed down to him by Ron. A lot of his new friend's stuff seemed to be coloured like this.

Mrs. Weasley hemmed. ''Yes, well, I will look after the meat loaf, if you don't need me here.''

Remus looked up at her with another of his amiable smiles. ''Thank you, Mrs. Weasley. The tea is excellent.''

When the door closed – but not quite closed – after her, Remus winked at him and pulled an envelope out of his cloak. On the front was his name, _Harry_, in what he recognized as Sirius' elegant handwriting. His heart was beating faster, and he felt as if Remus had brought him a priceless treasure, which he had really. He took the envelope carefully and stroked over the heavy parchment where Sirius had written his name.

''Can I open it?'' Harry raised his hopeful green eyes up at Remus.

The other wizard looked almost stricken, but he nodded and smiled. ''Of course you can, Harry. It's yours.'' After a second he added. ''Just don't let Mrs. Weasley see it, okay?''

Harry nodded eagerly and then carefully broke the seal and pulled out the parchment inside.

-xox-

When there once more was a knock on the door, not half an hour after Remus had left, Sirius sighed. What was this? Did Lucius have some kind of alarm that told him when he would get him on his own?

''Go away!'' he called over his shoulder, not bothering to get up. ''I've heard all your blather. There really is no need to recount the ways you can be an annoying bastard today, thank you very much!''

''I'm sorry to hear that,'' Albus Dumbledore said from the doorway.

Sirius jerked around. ''Albus! I thought you were... someone else.''

''Then, under the circumstances, I'm delighted.'' Dumbledore raised a quizzical eyebrow, looking amused. ''May I inquire which annoying bastard you were expecting?''

Sirius shook his head with a sigh. ''Nobody of importance.''

Dumbledore studied him for a moment longer, but didn't pry.

''Can I offer you a cup of tea? I know how much you used to like Remus' mixture.''

''And I still do. Thank you very much, Sirius, that would be very kind.''

Sirius nodded and went to work. ''So, what brings you around? Is it because of the trial? I have already heard they set an earlier date.''

''You have already heard about it?'' Dumbledore sounded a little surprised, which did not happen often. ''I myself just got notified by the Ministry this morning.''

Sirius only shrugged noncommittally.

He wondered if Dumbledore silently contemplated hexing him at this moment, but in the end decided against it, knowing that it wouldn't sway Sirius in his stubbornness. Or maybe he thought it would not be appropriate, since he was his advocate. Or, maybe, he knew the answer to the unspoken question already. He was after all Albus Dumbledore.

The chair creaked as the old wizard leaned back, and Sirius thought he could actually feel himself being fixed by the intense blue eyes, even if he wasn't meeting them. ''Well, apart from checking how you are settling in, this is in fact the main reason for my visit. We don't have much time after all and I want you to be prepared.''

Sirius put the already filled cups and the teapot on the table and sat down stirring his own. ''Yeah, well, I guess they'll question me first, won't they?'' He looked up at his old teacher, feeling once more like the pupil. Dumbledore just had that effect sometimes. ''So I just tell them how it was. Back then. With James and Lily. And then... they'll question him? Peter.'' The last name was pressed out like an owl would choke out a pellet.

''Probably.'' Dumbledore nodded. ''But you are not only charged with what happened back under Voldemort's terror, although that will be hardest to fight. There is also the issue of Harry's abduction, and of course your prison break. You have to understand that, for a lot of people, even in the Wizengamot, this is nothing more than a formality, Sirius. You did not have a trial, so you will get one now, but basically they think you are guilty anyway. You have to be prepared for that, and you can't lose your temper.''

Sirius grimaced and ground his teeth. ''So you want me to be a good puppy?''

Dumbledore raised one of his silver eyebrows. ''Basically. I can understand your anger, Sirius, but spitting in their faces will only confirm their opinion of you. And I don't think I have to remind you of the consequences, if we don't manage to sway their opinion.''

''Azkaban.'' Sirius spat it out like a bitter fruit.

''Or, since you already escaped once, they might very well decide on the Kiss.''

Sirius swallowed against the sudden draught in his mouth.

''Now, we will see that it won't come to this,'' Dumbledore said more gently this time, ''but I need you to understand how serious your situation is.'' He paused. ''I spoke with Kingsley today, and he said Scrimgeour has tasted blood with Peter. He thinks he might be about to confess. Obviously Peter is scared and he still denies that he had been the secret-keeper and the one responsible for the explosion that killed those twelve people, but it seems that he has been contradicting himself. Scrimgeour is not a very compassionate man, but that makes him a good interrogator.''

Sirius nodded. He didn't want to think about Peter. He didn't even want to acknowledge his existence really, but he knew there would be no way around it.

He had not seen him since the morning after James and Lily's death. Had never spoken to him afterwards. He wondered how it would be to be confronted with the familiar face, knowing that it had been him who had destroyed all their lives. James, Lily, Harry, Remus... and his.

Strangely enough he would have thought if Peter ever killed one of them it would be him, not that he ever could have imagined Peter killing _anyone_. They had been friends, although they had probably been the least close of them. Sirius sometimes had joked that Peter was in love with James, so much did he adore him. He had admired Sirius too, but with more envy and less affection. He wanted to be like Sirius because he wanted to be close to James, the Golden Boy. Sirius knew that deep down Peter was jealous of him, but he had always laughed about it. It was little Peter, and his eagerness was almost cute, like that of a puppy.

But now he understood that Peter had always thought that if he had been better looking and richer or probably even _pureblooded_, James would have chosen him. He had never understood that it had not been a choice at all. You did not choose your brother. It had been self-evident from the first time their eyes had met.

Sirius' mother had taken him to the train that first time he went to Hogwarts, and while she scrubbed at him and had given him last minute lectures, he had stood there with his face blank and his insides on fire. And then his angry eyes met those of another black-haired boy, who despite that could not have been more different from him. He was laughing and cheerful and wearing Muggle clothes and his mother was hugging him. And then, over his mother's shoulder, James Potter winked at him. They had stared at each other and Sirius had grinned back at him and when they scrambled on the train and into the same compartment, everything had already been decided. They had not even spoken a word yet.

Even later Sirius and James often wouldn't need words to understand each other, and Sirius knew that Peter often was frustrated by this secret language they had and wanted to be let in on it. Unlike Remus, he did not understand that it wasn't a code, but something they couldn't explain either.

Now Sirius honestly contemplated whether Peter had hated him really, whether Sirius going to Azkaban had been more than convenient for him, whether it had been his revenge. But what he still could not comprehend was how Peter had been able to betray James, the very person he had seemed to love the most.

Part of him wanted to confront him, yell at him, throttle him and demand answers. And part of him never ever wanted to see that face again.

''I would have killed him,'' he said quietly, almost to himself. ''If things had gone differently... I could be a murderer. Remus thinks I'm not that man, but it was just... I don't know, a coincidence. I would have murdered...Peter. And I'm not... I'm not sure I would regret it.''

''Peter never was a match for you at duelling. He was especially bad under pressure. I can not see how he would have bested you that day, if your intention had been true. You have never used an Unforgivable, Sirius. It takes more than most people think.''

''I know. But what tells you that I don't have that?''

''Everything I have ever learned about you.''

-xox-

From all that Harry knew about this universe, it was only natural that Mrs. Weasley would come into the living-room once more, with one excuse or another, right at that moment when Harry unfolded the thick parchment and, of course, before he had been able to read more than the first line of the letter. He had managed to hide it quickly under the rim of the overlarge pullover he had got for Christmas. But there had been no opportunity to read it afterwards, since Mrs. Weasley kept sending him confused and finally rather suspicious glances because he was fidgeting so much in his eagerness. Lunch was probably good, Harry wouldn't have been able to say. He had chewed and swallowed, too preoccupied to take notice of the taste. He liked having Remus there, but he couldn't savour that either, because the letter was burning a hole into his pocket.

After lunch Remus had hugged him once more to say goodbye, and told him to keep his chin up because things would all work out in the end. As if she was out to torture him, Mrs. Weasley had then found one thousand and one things for the children to do, including a game of Exploding Snap which Harry kept losing spectacularly. Finally Harry had fled to the bathroom and with trembling fingers pulled out the letter. The parchment was already a little bit crinkled and he smoothed it out on his knees. He felt nearly delirious with happy excitement and the need to read his godfather's message.

_Lupin Cottage, 30_th _of December 1988_

_Harry._

_How are you, pup? Are you alright? I am so sorry I can't be with you right now, but Remus told me that you are alright, and settling in a little better at the Weasleys now. I don't know if it is true, maybe he just doesn't want me to worry. I hope you are alright. I know you must be scared. But the Weasleys are an alright lot. They won't hurt you, Harry. I'm sure. But tell me if they do, okay? No pretending to be brave, understand me? You tell me if __anything_ _is_ _wrong!_

_I am with Remus at his cottage now, but I am bound by, well, magic, so I can't leave the house. It's my own little prison, but it's better than Azkaban, so I shouldn't complain. I won't. I would never have thought that Remus would do this for me, and I'm grateful. He even agreed to smuggle this letter. Actually, it was kind of his idea. Seems he got more wicked during the years I wasn't here. It suits him, I'd say._

_I want you to know that you can trust him, okay Harry? I know you are probably scared, and that's understandable after all the bad things happening to you in these last weeks, but you are safe now. And Remus will look out for you in my place until I can do it again. I promise you I won't give up! There will be a trial where I have the chance to prove my innocence. And when all this is over I will come and get you. We will be a family, Harry. We __are_ _a_ _family. To me, you are nothing short of my son, and I will fight for us to be together again. I love you, Harry. Please, take care!_

_I'll keep in touch through Remus. I can't tell you how jealous I am that he can see you, talk to you, in person. But, please, tell him whatever you want me to know and he will give me the message._

_I enclose something with this letter that I have wanted to give to you for a long time. That picture was taken on one of the happiest days I can remember. It's your parents wedding day. Now you can see what your Mom and Dad looked like. Well, and there is me too. I was best man. So maybe you won't forget about me, and when you miss me, you can look at the picture._

_I want to say so much more, but Remus is getting impatient. He reminds me that I can write another letter next time, and I will! Love you, Harry. Don't forget that, yeah?_

_Your Godfather,_

_Sirius_

_P.S.: I think I got your Christmas present. I found the package in the snow and forgot about it until I found it again in my cloak later. I really love it! It's beautiful. Your Christmas presents are still at the cabin, at least those I managed to get before, well, everything. They are waiting for you and we will celebrate when we are back. When we both are home._

Harry curled up on the toilet seat, pressing the letter to his chest in a way he would have liked to press close to Sirius. Joy and happiness filled him up like a warm flood. Sirius had not forgotten about him. He still loved him and wanted to be his family. He would fight for him, Harry! He thought of him as a..._son. _Harry let the word float and swirl through his mind. A _son. _I'm like his _son. _He felt like his insides were knotted into a tight ball. Sirius wanted to take him _home_. To be a _family._

Harry was still floating when he left the bathroom and almost ran into Mrs. Weasley, who stood on the other side of the door. Harry froze in fear. She knew about the letter.

''Harry dear, are you alright?'' Gently she touched his forehead. ''You've been in there for a long time and you look flushed. Maybe you should go to bed and I'll bring you up some broth.''

Harry only nodded dumbly and then quickly went up to the room he shared with Ron.

When he lay in his bed that night, he clutched the crumpled parchment to his chest. He had lost count of how often he had read the words of his godfather, and he already knew them by heart. He replayed his favourite parts in his mind again and again, while he looked at the picture Sirius had given him. It showed a man with the same stubborn black hair like him, beaming like a Cheshire cat with happiness while glancing lovingly at the red haired young woman who seemed to glow with joy and had a pretty blush on her cheeks and sparkling green eyes. Between them, looking over their shoulders, was a younger version of his godfather, laughing and his eyes alight with happiness for these two people, his friends.

Harry studied it for a long time and when he finally fell asleep it was with the firm knowledge that these people had loved him, and one of them still did. And he was happy. For what felt like the first time since forever, or at least since the day of the Christmas fair that had changed their lives so brutally, he was happy, and his dreams were filled with laughing eyes and love and a family.

-xox-

The man sat on his bed, feeling sorry for himself. The room was small, so was the window. The mattress was lumpy and the blanket smelly. The walls were a stark white and staring at them held no diversion at all. It left plenty of opportunity for his brain to come up with horrible visions of the things his friends might do to him. Or the other ones. He was far more scared of the other ones. Sirius might think he was awesome and frightening when he gave vent to his fury, but he had never seen _him,_and those that followed _him, _when they were dissatisfied.

Peter sniffled. He didn't know how he deserved this. Rufus Scrimgeour and that Gawain Robards had him in a proverbial headlock. He couldn't think when they were firing questions at him from all directions, it made his head spin. He had thought if he just kept denying everything, if he just kept blaming Sirius, whom everyone wanted to see as the bad guy anyway, he could wriggle himself out of this one, like he had wriggled himself out of many troubles in his life. He didn't look suspicious. People never gave him much notice. He had loathed that when he was at school, always feeling envious of James and Sirius, who had it so easy, whether it was schoolwork or Quidditch or girls. They always were the centre of attention. Even Remus, although he was hardly remarkable, always seemed to be at ease with them. Laughing at the right moments, when Peter once more hadn't caught the joke. Making them laugh because of something witty he said and not by being clumsy. But later Peter had understood the benefits he could draw from being underestimated. People never suspected harmless little Peter. He giggled. He had given them quite the run around. He had fooled them all, even the almighty Dumbledore!

Of course he felt bad because of James. He had been his friend, he'd admired him really. But he had changed after school, and then he – just like Sirius – hadn't understood that life was different out there. Being a Marauder meant nothing out of Hogwarts. They weren't the top dogs anymore, there were other ringleaders out there, more powerful, so much more powerful, who could crush you with their little finger. And _he _had many supporters. Going against them seemed more stupid every day. They weren't muggleborn, they had nothing to fear really. Even Remus, as a werewolf, would have been accepted, probably would have had much more liberty under the reign of the Dark Lord. There was Lily of course, but he had never quite understood what was so special about her. She was pretty, he would give her that, but there were other pretty fish in the sea, and marrying a Mudblood in times like these was practically asking for it. And Sirius! He had it all! His family had wealth and influence, and he had arrogantly thrown it all away. How stupid could a person be? Peter had grown up in a small flat, sharing his room with his younger sister. Having a house-elf had been his childhood dream! No, Sirius had made his own bed when he broke with his family. And Remus... well, nothing had ever happened to Remus, had it? He actually had it best of them all. Peter himself had to spent years as a rat! They should try that for a change to see who really had it bad.

And now he had already spent over a week in this cell, living off the boring food they served him, which never was as much as he would have liked, while Sirius was living the good life at Remus' place, from what he had heard. How could that be fair? He was the escaped criminal! Peter's stomach growled when he thought of the chocolate-and-pecan biscuits Remus used to make. What would he give for some chocolate right now. That was so typical! They had the fun and the good times, and he could rot here, probably losing a stone every day.

Peter lay on his bed, lost in his sea of self-pity. He never heard the door open. If he had heard the soft spoken words, it was already too late. A green light filled the cell for a moment, reflecting off the white walls. When the door closed again, the room lay dark and silent. Even the wheezing sound of breath from the hump on the bed had ceased.

TBC

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**A/N: It is the simple truth. Reviews are my biggest motivation. Hearing that people take an interest in what I put out there is overwhelming and spurring me on. So take a minute and tell me what you think, and give the muse some fuel for the next chapter!**

**Please leave a review.**

**Reviewers Anonymous: HebHibHob: **Well, Ms. President, then I put you in charge! ;) And glad you like Ron! About Baldy: Yes, you expressed your opinion, but then - like Sirius said - he will never outsmart him. Oh and Lucius... I'm glad you like how I portray him. It probably IS a little strange to write a character so evil, but mostly because it is so much fun. It's a little like acting the part of the villain, you can let out your inner Meanie, lol. The trial. I already am fastening things up there. Promise! **BloOm: **Hmm... perceptive! It's always good to pay attention. And that is all I'm going to say to that! ;) Lucius evilness seems to have a lot of fans too. Maybe I should rather put up a fanclub for him, lol! Bisous! **Roonil Wazlip: **Well you CAN rate on chapters ;). Would that be five out of five, or 50 % good, 50 % bad? Molly meeting Sirius. Well, there will come that day. :)


	9. Serenity

**A/N: I KNOW. I have NEVER kept you waiting this long. I'm really sorry! **Unfortunately it couldn't be helped, I had neither the time nor the inspiration to write fanfiction. I'm really sorry!

So what's my excuse? Well, I got married! :)

Have you ever planned a wedding? Have you ever planned _your _wedding? In practically four weeks? If you have (which I doubt since no one else is so insane), you know why this took so long. In my hubris I thought I could manage all the preparations AND finish a new chapter before the big day. I managed half a chapter of crap between 2.5 nervous breakdowns – a day. My head was simply so full that things kept falling out left and right and I was not in any state to write decent fanfiction. I hope this new chapter finally qualifies as such.

So I post this with much love to you from the newly wed Zaira :).

* * *

**Chapter 8 - Serenity**

When Remus came home, Sirius was on his feet immediately and the werewolf couldn't help but smile at the eagerness in his friend's face, which made him look almost youthful. Sirius' long black hair was bound at his neck, but a few stubborn strands were falling in his face anyway. His body was still too thin after the long years in prison, but his face had filled out a little and he finally didn't look like a dead man anymore.

''So...,'' Sirius was fidgeting, almost bouncing on his feet.''How was it? How was Harry?''

''Very happy to hear from you,'' Remus reassured him with a smile. ''Molly was very civil, even bordering on charming actually. I think she might have forgiven me my trespasses.''

''You mean, associating with me?'' Sirius asked, rising one sardonic eyebrow.

''Exactly.''

''Hmph. And Harry? Did he read the letter?''

''His face almost exploded with joy when I gave it to him. But Molly came in again before he could read it. I'm sure by now he has engulfed it, though.''

''And did you give him the hug from me?''

Remus gave an exasperated laugh. ''Yes, you pathetic mutt! And then I gave him one just from me when I said goodbye, just so you know it!''

''Well,... I guess that is okay.'' Sirius had the decency to look sheepish.

Remus rolled his eyes as he went to the stove. ''So what have you been up to?'' he asked, putting on the kettle. ''Any more unwelcome visitors?''

Sirius sighed. ''Only if you'd count Albus.''

''Do you?''

Now it was his friend who rolled his eyes. ''No.''

Remus watched as Sirius ran his hand through his strands in a gesture he knew to associate with frustration or confusion. Not that there was a lot of difference between them with Sirius. He had always felt the need to know the why and how of everything around him. Maybe it had something to do with a need for things to be stable and in his control, seeing how his life at home had been so much out of it.

Sirius sank down on the couch with another sigh.

''We were talking about the trial. He said Peter might confess soon.''

He didn't sound very convinced. Neither was Remus.

„Hm."

„What?"

''He never was good at confessing, remember?''

''Yeah... He was a right little coward,'' Sirius mumbled, disgusted. ''Always needed James and me to stand up and take the blame.'' He hesitated for a moment. ''Then again, it mostly _was_ rightfully ours, I guess.''

''No, not alone.'' Remus shook his head firmly. ''Peter was most times involved somehow. He _wanted_ to be involved, but he didn't want to take the consequences.''

''Yeah. I never saw it like that back then.'' Sirius shook his head. ''He was just little-''

''Peter. Yeah, I know. That's what we all thought. You and me and...''

''James.'' It was a whisper.

''Yes.'' Remus hesitated. ''Padfoot...-''

''I can't understand it. How could he...? Why? James! He loved him!''

''No,'' Remus said softly, shaking his head. ''_You _loved him. Peter admired him. He didn't really understand him. Peter loved the image of James, the idol, and the glow he irradiated and that would fall upon those around him.''

Sirius raised his eyebrows in a frown.

''Oh, not on you, you had your own dark shine of glory after all.''

''What are you talking about?''

''Never mind. The thing is... one day school was over, Sirius. We were suddenly confronted with real life, and somehow I think Peter was even less prepared for that than the rest of us. He probably was scared shitless.''

''That's not... WE WERE HIS FRIENDS!''

''Yes.''

''I-... Remus...'' Sirius shook his head. ''I really wanted to kill him, Remus. Sometimes I think I still do... I don't know if I can bear to see his face. THIS... all of it... it's his fault...''

Sirius buried his head in his hands and Remus started to wonder how long he had been sitting here, agonizing over this. Sirius didn't work well in closed confinement after all.

''This wasn't how it was supposed to happen...'' Sirius whispered almost to himself. ''This wasn't where our lives should have ended up. We were supposed to grow old and always be together... They... you were my family. The only family I ever had. And, _fuck_, they were not _allowed_ to-...''

''Die?''

Sirius closed his eyes, and Remus sank down on the couch next to him, squeezing his shoulder.

''You know,'' he began again after they had been sitting some time in silence. ''I almost felt like it had been a long time coming. Like all those years before were just a lucky break. A dream, that wasn't supposed to be real from the beginning.'' He laughed helplessly. ''I am a werewolf after all. I guess I was never supposed to have friends...''

''Moony-''

''No, please, let me say this, Padfoot. I know you never saw it that way, but I am and will always be different from you. I'm... a monster. Something to scare little children and old grandmothers and probably every normal adult man in his right mind-''

''What? You're calling me insane now? And I thought we'd put that behind us, Moony,'' Sirius managed to pout in an obvious attempt to break the depressing mood.

But right now, at this point, Remus could have screamed and wept as Sirius once more shoved away the seriousness of his friend's infliction so casually. It was always the same with him. Making werewolf jokes, calling his lycanthrophy his 'furry little problem'... Like all Remus had to worry about were hairy toes. He closed his eyes to rein in his own frustration.

''That is exactly the problem with you,'' he mumbled tiredly. ''For you it is nothing but a joke.''

Stiffly he stood up and went into the kitchen. He didn't exactly feel like more tea, but he needed something to busy his hands so that he wouldn't use them to strangle his friend.

''What?'' Sirius asked from the couch, and the surprise and confusion in his voice only stirred Remus' anger further. ''What did I say?''

''Nothing. Just... forget about it.''

-xox-

The New Year's Eve celebrations at the Weasley's were rather quiet that evening, even though the twins had set off some Filibusters after dinner, having spent almost their whole allowance on them at Diagon Alley the previous day. After dinner Mr. Weasley had opened up a bottle of Elf-made sparkling wine and Butterbeers for the kids to welcome the New Year.

''What about Harry?'' Ron asked, when the clock neared midnight.

''He didn't seem too well earlier, and was sleeping when I went up to look after him. Maybe we should just let him rest.''

''But he'll miss out on the Filibusters!'' Fred exclaimed horrified.

''We could wake him and see if he is up for it,'' Bill said with a smile at the twins.

''Now really, Bill, he was positively feverish when I sent him to bed! I don't want him to catch a cold while standing outside in this freezing night air!''

''I will take a look,'' Mr. Weasley said, patting his wife's shoulder. ''If he still has a fever, I will let him sleep.''

Arthur Weasley made his way up to his youngest son's room, now shared with Harry. He knew his wife could be a little over-protective and she seemed to have taken Harry into her heart very quickly. And who wouldn't? He was an endearing little boy. But the way Molly embosomed him might be a little overwhelming for a boy who had been through so much at such a young age.

Carefully Arthur opened the door and lit his wand, letting the light wander over the sleeping form of their little charge. His black fringe was falling in his face, and he seemed to be sleeping soundly. Then Arthur's gaze fell on something in the limp hand of the boy. He picked it up.

It was a photography of three young people and Arthur knew immediately who they were. Even if he might not have recognized James Potter from the few times he had met him at the Ministry, Harry was the spitting image of his father. He had never met Lily Potter, but it was self-evident who the smiling young woman in the white wedding dress was. What shocked him maybe the most though, was the third face, laughing joyfully, between the happy couple. He knew that man as well, but had seen a very different picture in very different circumstances plastered all over every wizarding location for months. Sirius Black didn't look mad and filthy in this picture. He looked handsome and cheerful and very young. Not much older than his eldest son. Arthur turned the picture around and read the elegant handwriting on the back.

_Your Mum and Dad on their wedding day. _

_They loved you very much. _

_And so do I. _

Arthur took a deep breath. Who had given this picture to the little boy? Dumbledore? No. The old man wouldn't make such declarations of love. Maybe Harry's Muggle aunt? But it was a wizard picture and the handwriting looked distinctly male. He had the feeling the boy's uncle would not have done such a thing, so that left... Remus Lupin? That was the obvious conclusion, the man having visited that very day, and still... something told Arthur that it had not been Mr. Lupin who had written those lines and it made him shiver. He turned the picture around again looking at this younger version of a man he believed to be a murderer and possibly an insane one. He tried to wrap his mind around the thought that Sirius Black would send Harry such a message. What was he trying to gain? Did he hope Harry would testify for his kidnapper? Or was it something else?

Arthur knew that Molly believed fiercely that Black was the devil and to be blamed for the deaths of her brothers as well as numerous other crimes. That he was a charmer who deceived people to trust him, just to betray them, only looking for his own advantage.

_That is exactly the attitude of all of the Blacks... up to their necks in the Dark Arts... they only ever served their own goals... no surprise he turned out just the same!_

But Arthur felt there had to be more reason than that. He looked at the picture of the smiling people, captured in a moment of pure happiness, even while a war was waging. And just a little later one of them had betrayed the others.

_Dumbledore seems to believe differently though, doesn't he? _

Yes, he seemed to, didn't he? Or why else would he speak for Black's defence? Was it only Dumbledore's sense of justice, or did he really believe this man to be innocent? Innocent... and imprisoned in Azkaban for seven years? What was the truth? One could only hope that the upcoming trial would bring it to light.

Hesitantly Arthur gaze wandered between the sleeping boy and the picture.

_He was kind to me... I thought he was the coolest._

Arthur placed the picture next to the boy, pulling the blanket over both of them. He had the feeling that Harry would be better off to miss the fireworks this time.

-xox-

''You should go out, you know.''

''Huh?'' Remus raised his head from his glass of Firewhiskey with a puzzled expression.

They were sitting opposite each other. Remus on the couch and Sirius in one of the old armchairs. Dusk had come and gone, and the last light of day was just vanishing in that deep blue colour that only exists just before the dark of night creeps in. Remus had lit the lamps and candles with his wand, immediately creating a cozy golden glow.

''It's New Years Eve, Moony,'' Sirius said.

''I know,'' Remus answered with a frown.

''You should go out! Celebrate! There is no need to stay and hold my hand. Really, I appreciate the gesture but-... what?''

Remus shook his head with a low, hollow laugh, which made a familiar anger spur up in Sirius.

''I'm not an invalid and I'm not a child!'' he raised his voice. ''I'm not a puppy either, although I see how you might get confused there. But you can leave me by myself, you know? I won't burn down your house and I won't piss on the couch either!''

''I never do.''

''Huh? You never do what? Piss-''

''Celebrate!'' Remus snapped rather unsuspectedly. ''Not since then. If you must know,... this is pretty much the way I've spent every New Year's Eve. Or any Christmas or Halloween for that matter. At least in the last seven years.''

''You sit at home brooding?'' Sirius frowned. ''Why?''

Remus looked at him as if he were crazy. ''Whom would I celebrate with, Sirius? Tell me, which of my friends should I go out with to a party? Gideon and Fabian? Alice and Frank? Maybe Marlene? Dorcas? Or James and Lily!''

Sirius frowned, suddenly unsure. Remus rarely raised his voice, only when he was really upset. Once more Sirius realized how little he knew about this older Remus. There was not much Remus had missed of Sirius' life in the last seven years. Azkaban did not hold much diversion after all, just nightmares. Endless and ever repeating nightmares. But Remus had been free. He had been able to live his life, even if he had always been restricted due to his lycanthrophy. Or that's what he'd thought. How had it been for Remus? Had he really been all alone these past years?

Once there had been three teenage boys, trying everything to help their friend. They couldn't find a cure, but they could make it a little easier. And Sirius was well aware of the huge difference it had made to Remus' condition after a full moon night. How had it been for Remus without them? Without his pack? He had imagined that it had been bad. One look at Remus' greying hair and thin, scarred body was all it took to understand that much. But in his imagination it had always been Remus' bloodied body in a hospital bed. But now... there was something else. Had Remus secluded himself, turning away from everybody in his life? Why?

His hands were shaking and since he didn't know how to occupy them, what to do or say at all, he stood up and moved to the window, looking out over the fields behind the cottage.

''Still,'' he managed in a calmer voice after a moment, trying to resume their conversation. '''It has been seven years, Moony. There have to be some acquaintances. Colleagues. Or a relationship?''

A little sigh from the direction of the couch. ''Yeah, because I am such a people person.''

''You used to have friends-... I mean, other than... us. In school. You had friends you studied with. Lots of Ravenclaws, if I remember correctly. You were in the Gobstones Club, too. Didn't you stay in contact with any of them? Richard. And that Kathrine... That dark haired bloke who went to work for Gringotts, what's his name?''

Remus looked away, like he was trying not to meet his eyes. ''It's... we... a lot of friendships disintegrate after leaving school.''

Sirius frowned. ''But you still used to meet with Richard once in a while. Right before... well, you know.''

''Yeah, well, not so much _after '_you know', alright?'' Remus pressed out, his voice raising a little in what Sirius understood was badly suppressed anger.

But Sirius still didn't get it. ''Why?''

''Well, maybe they didn't want to be friends with a _werewolf_ who was suspected of having helped a _murderer_ and probably was _in league_ with VOLDEMORT!''

''What!''

Remus, had leaned forward to hiss that last sentence, but now fell back against the back of the couch, his body slumping like he was drained of all energy.

''Well what did you think?'' he sighed, sounding weary. ''Everybody knew we were friends. And with James and Peter dead, I was the only one left. It's only normal that they took me in and questioned me. With Voldemort gone, they really started to hunt for his followers. Of course I was on their list of suspects. And the Prophet was just eager to broadcast every little detail about our victory, about how the Ministry was rounding up all the dark wizards, about the _werewolf_ suspect who might have been in league with the infamous traitor Black!'' He gave a mirthless laugh. ''Oh, I doubt many still remember my name. It didn't make the headlines. Not like yours. But those who knew me... they read it and... it stuck.'' He shrugged. ''Many hadn't known I was a werewolf. And... I guess some felt disgusted and some maybe just doubtful and suspicious. Its only natural that they would retreat, distance themselves...''

''Natural?'' Sirius gasped. ''They were your friends! They should have known better! How can you even defend them?''

Another ugly laugh, full of self-loathing erupted from his friend. ''Yeah, well, I was your friend too, wasn't I? And I still believed you to be a murderer.''

And wasn't that the truth they had been so beautifully dancing around these last days. Trust Remus to bring it up again. ''Yeah. You did.'' Sirius finally said quietly. He felt almost reluctant to agree. He just didn't like to think about it too much. Remus had taken him in and he wanted to believe that it was more than guilt which had motivated that. He knew the mistrust should sting a whole lot more, and it did. A little. But it was such an old feeling and even back then he had never felt angry with Remus. Just disgusted with himself. For believing the worst of his friend. For mucking the whole thing up that way. For trusting the wrong people and getting James and Lily killed. They had been right to put him in Azkaban. He had as good as murdered his only family.

And looking back he knew how it must have looked to Remus. To everybody.

''You thought there was evidence.'' He shrugged, not meeting Remus' eyes. ''Hell, there _was_ evidence! I get that. But you... Moony, you were obviously innocent! Your name was cleared! How could they all snub you just because you were a friend of mine?''

''I was also a werewolf, and that was pretty much a hard and undeniable fact.''

Sirius snorted. ''That doesn't mea-''

''It does for most people, Sirius! Most people don't think a werewolf to be all cute and cuddly!''

Well Sirius didn't think that either, did he? ''You are only a werewolf one day out of thirty. And it's not like you are a real danger to anyone since you lock yourself away!''

Remus buried his face in his hands. In a tired voice he said, ''Most people still don't see it like that, Padfoot. And especially not back then with Greyback and-''

''You are nothing like Greyback!'' Sirius spat. How Remus could even think himself in the same category as that monster, who purposely placed himself in close proximity to his victims before a full moon, who tried to bite as many children as possible, hoping their parents would abandon them, stealing them away if they didn't...

Remus nodded, but Sirius could see that it wasn't in agreement.

''At least one night out of thirty I am,'' Remus whispered. Maybe he thought Sirius wouldn't hear.

''Remus-''

What Remus didn't know was that Sirius had met Fenrir Greyback. He had met him in the very own Noble House of Black, when his father had invited him to stay for dinner after a business meeting. A sixteen year old Sirius had been surprised to find out that their creepy and sinister looking guest was a werewolf, since his parents usually thought themselves above the company of such 'half-breeds'. That was, until Greyback looked at him with an oily smile and said,

_''I think we have a mutual friend.''_

_Sirius frowned, looking up from his pheasant vol-au-vent. ''We do? I can't think who-''_

_Greyback's smile got even wider. ''As I understand, you are friends with the Lupin boy? You see, I knew his father quite well, and that way I got to know the son. I have to say I found him rather...'' He licked his lip with a feral glimmer in his eyes. ''...tasty.''_

_**Dong... Dong... Dong...**_

It was the old grandfather clock, that pulled Sirius out of another horrible memory. He could still recall the sickness spreading through his whole body, until only his vast training in self-discipline had prevented him from throwing up his pastry on his mother's elf-woven damask table-cloth.

_**Dong... Dong... Dong...**_

He had understood immediately that the unusual company was just for him. To hurt him, to humiliate him, to break him. He could still see the amusement in his mother's eyes when he understood that he was dining with the man who had mutilated and hurt his friend and condemned him to a life of pain and fear, of being an outcast. How she had wallowed in his disgust and inevitable self-loathing. And his father, sneering at him... Only Regulus seemed to be oblivious to the situation, at fourteen he just looked frightened to sit next to their strange dinner guest.

_**Dong... Dong... Dong...**_

It had been one of the last straws. After that he had only one thought left, to get out, to get away before the darkness swallowed him whole. But getting away had not come easy, had it? Getting away had come with a price. Sirius pressed his eyes closed against all those awful images and feelings. It was too much, sometimes it simply felt like too much.

''You want to to toast the new year with something else than Firewhiskey?'' Remus voice entered his conscience, and Sirius only now realized that the clock was actually striking midnight, announcing the beginning of the new year.

_**Dong... Dong... Dong...**_

He shook his head. He had got out and made his own family, never looking back. Until everything disintegrated... no, now was not the time to think about this. Remus was still here. He had Moony back. And he wanted Remus to understand that he _wasn't _a monster. He had always tried and failed to make Moony see himself the way he, Sirius, saw him. A man with a handicap, who coped the best he could, who always thought of others first and who was only a stronger and better man due to his infliction. But tonight was... Probably not the right moment to force those issues. They had time, hadn't they? At least Sirius hoped so.

When he finally answered, he did so with a deep sigh. ''No. Let's save the champagne for after the trial.'' He looked his friend in the eye, trying for a smirk. ''And also, I feel like we really need the booze tonight.''

Remus nodded and raised his glass then. His smile seemed a little forced, but his eyes were warm. ''Happy New Year, Padfoot.''

''Happy New Year, Moony,'' Sirius said, and he meant it.

When they clanked their glasses, their smiles became a little broader and more genuine.

It was a new year after all. And one could always hope for the better.

-xox-

Harry had woken up early to a faint light coming through the small window and the regular sound of Ron's snores. His red-haired friend was lying on his back, limbs sprawled out and his head almost hanging over the edge of the mattress. His mouth stood wide open and the sheets were tangled all around him.

Harry grinned. He felt lighter somehow this morning, like he had carried a heavy burden for weeks and some of that had been lifted. It had been the first night in a long time that had not been haunted by nightmares. Normally they were his regular nightly companions and then there was always the small blond boy in his dreams nowadays. He was about Harry's age, but Harry was sure he had never seen him. Sometimes the boy looked lost and scared, but sometimes he grinned at Harry, like he knew something Harry didn't, and then he didn't look all that much like a little boy anymore. It was creepy, and when he woke up from those dreams his head always hurt.

But not last night. Last night his dreams had been pleasant and really, really good. Closing his eyes Harry tried to recapture his dream, but all he could recall were disentangled pictures and a warm feeling of being welcome, of being where he belonged, of someone loving him.

Remembering those feelings, Harry was suddenly filled with so much longing that he thought he would explode. He reached for the letter and the picture he had received the day before and stared at it, clutching it fiercely in his small hands. Sirius. And his parents. Smiling at him. Looking at him. Loving him. They loved him. They were a family and Sirius would come and take him home when it was all over.

Harry just wished the day had come already.

Folding the letter he slipped both it and the picture into the pocket of his jeans and got dressed. A look at the clock on the night table showed that it was not yet seven o'clock, but Harry didn't care. He was not used to sleeping in or snuggling back under the covers, like Ron seem to like so much. Sleeping in a cupboard wasn't very comfortable and Aunt Petunia had always woken him rather roughly.

When Harry came down the stairs, he heard that Mrs. Weasley was already up and rummaging in the kitchen. Harry almost turned around to go back up to his room, but Mrs. Weasley had already spotted him.

''Harry, honey, you're already up? Do you feel better? Come here, let me look at you.''

Mrs. Weasley pulled him down the remaining two steps and pressed her palm to his forehead and then pulled out her wand waving it around him.

''You don't seem to have a temperature anymore. Do you feel better?''

Harry nodded. He never _had _been ill after all. Mrs. Weasley smiled at him fondly and stroked his unruly hair out of his forehead trying to flatten it. Harry tried not to squirm. Aunt Petunia too had hated his stubborn hair, and she had never ever managed to tame it either.

''I'll make you some breakfast. I doubt that the others will be up soon, but then they went to bed rather late and you can always have a second one later with them. Eggs and bacon, I think.'' Once more Harry was guided to the kitchen table, so there was no way around it. ''Do you want tea or pumpkin juice, Dear?''

''Juice, please,'' Harry said shyly, sitting down at the far end of the table. He desperately wished one of the many other Weasleys would come down already, but they were all probably sleeping in, and now he had to be alone with Mrs. Weasley and that always made him uncomfortable.

She was just so unpredictable. One moment she would smile at him and give him more food than he could possibly eat, and in the next she would yell until Harry thought her head would explode or say mean things about his godfather. And even if she sometimes acted kindly, Harry didn't like it. He really did not want to like Mrs. Weasley, and he almost thought he'd like it better if she didn't like him either or at least ignored him. So when she asked him how he had slept and if something called 'Feely-Bursters' had woken him, he tried to give polite and unsuspicious answers, so she hopefully wouldn't start yelling or blaming Sirius for anything else, like the cold weather or Fred and George blowing a hole in the roof above the attic.

After a while their rather one-sided chat thankfully was interrupted by a knocking at the window.

''Oh Harry dear, would you go and get that?'' Mrs Weasley asked with her hands full of bacon. ''It's just the Owl with the Prophet. I also need to take a look if there are more eggs. Back in a minute.''

Obediently Harry went and opened the window, and untied the paper with the insanely flashing pictures. When the owl took off again and Harry closed the window against the cold morning air, his gaze fell on the front page and he froze to the spot, his heart starting to beat like mad.

In the middle of the front page was a large picture of a wild looking man he had seen before. It was his godfather. It was Sirius, looking similar to the day he had met him for the first time in that park in Little Whinging - what felt to Harry like a lifetime ago. But what really left him breathless was the headline.

_**'**_**First Day of the Black Trial set for tomorrow!** _**- Wizarding community expects a fast Conviction**_**'**

For a moment Harry simply stared at the flashing picture of his godfather, chains wrapped around his arms and body, his long black hair falling in his gaunt face. He looked wild and some time ago Harry might have thought he looked dangerous too. But now all he could see was the man he loved like a Dad, hurt and desperate. Harry felt like crying, but he couldn't let this opportunity go by to learn more about what was happening.

_...In an official statement the Ministry announced late last night that after the sensational capture of Sirius Black, vicious mass-murderer and devoted supporter of You-Know-Who, an earlier date has been set for the controversial trial. Last summer Black had escaped Azkaban Prison in inexplicable and still unknown circumstances, probably involving magic as black as his name. While on the run, he proceeded to kidnap eight year old Harry Potter, famous saviour of the wizard world, from the house of his relatives, thereby nearly killing the boy's uncle. After a long flight, in which Black managed to escape the authorities for months, Auror commandos finally managed to capture the dangerous murderer, who is said to be insane, and free the poor, tortured child from his evil clutches. _

_The announcement of Minister Cornelius Fudge just before Christmas, in which he revealed that a trial would be held to judge Black for his crimes, went not without surprise. Even more surprising is that none_ _other than Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ _and Supreme_ _Mugwump, has taken up the position as Black's advocate. What reasons Dumbledore, who has been You-Know-Who's hardest opponent in the past, could have to lend his support to one of the most vicious criminals of this age can only be speculated, although_ _there are rumours that Dumbledore's assistant – none_ _other than Black's old school friend Remus Lupin, a registered werewolf – withdrew_ _large sums from the Black family vault at Gringotts a few days ago. _

_It was announced that the position of Head of the Wizengamot will be filled in by long time member Amelia Bones. Ministry official Dolores Umbridge will be acting as the prosecutor. It can only be hoped that the issue of Black will be solved for good this time. Rumours have it that the Ministry is indeed aiming for the Kiss..._

Harry didn't understand all of what he had read. The words and the sentences were all so strange and really long. A Ministry wanted to kiss someone? What was a Wizengamot, a Gringotts or a Mugwump? And wasn't Remus too old to stand in the register? And why was he a werewolf? Was that some kind of wizard code? And what was that about some famous saviour? He tried to read it again, but it didn't make any more sense. But he still understood enough to make him feel sick with worry and dread. He wouldn't be able to get down any breakfast for sure now.

Sirius' trial would start tomorrow! And all those nasty things they were saying about him...

_Vicious murderer... insane... kidnapping... _

They weren't true! It were all lies! Sirius _hadn't _kidnapped him! He had not been tortured and Uncle Vernon had not been harmed that badly, had he? And it wasn't Sirius fault! He had only tried to protect Harry! He had to tell them! But how could he... no one ever listened to him, no one ever believed him...

Footsteps on the stairs interrupted Harry in his frantic inner ramblings. He looked up from the paper only to see the tall form of a sleepy looking, long-haired redhead enter the kitchen.

Bill. The young wizard had said he believed Harry, hadn't he? And had written to Remus, so that Harry could meet him. He had said he would look out for Harry like a real brother... would he be able to help him?

When Bill saw him standing next to the window, tense and with tears brimming in his huge green eyes, he frowned and came over immediately.

''Harry?'' He bent down to be able to look at him better. ''What is up?'' Then his gaze fell on the newspaper. ''What in Merlin's Great Name... tomorrow? I thought the trial wasn't supposed to start for weeks!'' He pulled the paper from Harry's hand, starting to read.

''Bill? It says that Sirius kidnapped me... That's not true! He asked me if I wanted to go with him. I didn't want to stay at the Dursleys! All I ever wanted was to live with Sirius!''

''I know Harry.'' Bill gave him an absentminded smile.

''Yes, but...'' Harry was writhing frantically. ''But what if they don't believe... Sirius... what if they put him back in prison? I need to tell them that they are wrong, can't I... can't I just tell them?''

''I'm not sure...'' Bill looked at him apologetically. ''I don't know if you would be allowed to speak in front of the Wizengamot since you are so young.''

''But can't I go? If Sirius is there... I wanna see him! Please, Bill, PLEASE!''

Harry bit his lip and looked imploringly at the older boy. Bill sighed.

''I'll see what I can do, okay? But you know my Mum will be dead against it.''

Harry nodded, feeling torn somewhere between resigned and hopeful.

''I will be against what?'' Mrs. Weasley asked from the doorway, a basket full of eggs in her hands.

''Chocolate for breakfast,'' Bill said cheerfully. ''Although I'm still saying it's the best way to start the day.''

''Bill, really, one would think you're still a little boy sometimes. Harry needs a healthy and nutritious breakfast!''

Harry looked at the older boy, confused. But then Bill winked and mouthed 'don't worry', and Harry gave him a little anxious smile of hope.

-xox-

At roughly the same time Harry read about his godfather's prosecution, Albus Dumbledore stepped out of the fireplace in Rufus Scrimgeour's office. The Head of the Auror Department had one of the few fireplaces in the Ministry that was directly connected to the Floo Network.

The tall man with the hair like a lion's mane was standing at the window looking out at the illusion of a foggy early morning London.

''Rufus,'' Dumbledore spoke up when the other didn't turn, almost as if he hadn't heard him arrive. ''You said it was urgent?''

A deep sigh came from the old Auror. ''It is. And of course he left it to me to give you the bad news. I think you ought to be prepared to be cancelled off the Christmas card list. He isn't very favourable of you at the moment. Which says something.''

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, otherwise his face kept the calm and slightly amused expression he always wore. ''I assume you are speaking of Cornelius?''

''Yes. I'm speaking of the Minister.''

''And what dreadful news does he have this time for me?''

''It's Pettigrew. He is dead.''

Dumbledore's face didn't show much of a reaction, apart from a hint of sadness. ''Is he?'' he asked after a moment. ''Poor Peter. He missed out on all that is important in life.''

''Is that all you have to say? That he missed out on life?''

''I always felt that, in whatever circumstances, a moment of sympathy and regret is the least one can take when a life has been extinguished. Rest assured that my next question will be 'How did this happen right here in the Ministry itself, while he was in your custody?'. I'm assuming of course that his death had no natural cause.''

''Your assumptions are correct,'' Scrimgeour said stiffly, not liking the insinuation that he might be the one to blame, or at least his department. There was only so much influence and control he had over the happenings in the Ministry after all. ''He was murdered, probably late last night. Avada Kedavra. There are no witnesses. The guard seems to have been oblivated with great skill.''

''I see.'' No real surprise there after all. ''I have to ask. Has he changed his testimony in anyway since we spoke the last time?''

''You want to know if he confessed and painted Black the innocent lamb you seem to believe he is? No. He blamed everything on your _client_ until his very last breath, or at least the last breath anyone witnessed. Looks pretty bad for Black. If you ask me, it will be a really quick thing tomorrow.''

Dumbledore smiled mildly at the Auror. ''I was under the impression that you believed Pettigrew to be guilty.''

Scrimgeour gave a barking laugh. ''Oh, he was guilty for sure! A grown man, an illegal animagus even, living as a _rat_ for seven years straight? You bet he was guilty. But that doesn't mean that Black is innocent. It just means they might have been in it together.''

''Well, I think we will have to wait and see what conclusions the Wizengamot will draw from the evidence.''

''Evidence?'' Scrimgeour snorted. ''I know the evidence, and there is no way in hell they will let Black walk out of this.'' The yellowish eyes of the Auror met the sparkling blue ones of the other wizard, studying him for a few moments. ''And you must know that. You have a lot of influence, but even you, with all your power, can't pull him out of that noose around his neck.''

''Oh,''Albus Dumbledore smiled serenely. ''I never planned to.''

-xox-

At the Weasleys, breakfast had been a strangely tense event, and when her eldest son volunteered to help her with the dishes, Molly Weasley became very suspicious indeed. Rightfully so, she thought, when Bill finally opened his mouth and said: ''I want to go to Sirius Black's trial with Harry.''

Turning towards her nonsense-sprouting, supposedly adult and mature son, Molly tried to calm her temper with a deep breath, but failed halfway through her first sentence.

''You want to do WHAT! Where in Merlin's GREAT UNDERPANTS is this coming from! Are you out of your MIND! Of course you can't take Harry to the Black Trial! You also can't go and break into Gringotts or ADOPT A DEMENTOR!''

''I don't want to do any of the other things,'' Bill said, almost sounding petulant. ''It's never wise to steal from your future employer and Dementor's are... slimy.''

''Well taking an eight-year-old, scared little boy to a MURDER TRIAL is just as out of the question! Seriously, Bill, what are you thinking?''

''I was thinking I would ask you because he begged so pitifully!''

Molly drew a breath in through her nose with a hiss. ''How... how does he know...?''

''Oh, for Merlin's sake Mum. He is eight, not three! He can read!'' And with that Bill slammed the Prophet down in front of her. Right in the middle was the picture of a wild and totally insane looking Sirius Black, almost no resemblance remained to the handsome young man she remembered from her brothers' partys all those years ago. How anyone could look at this face and think that man was one of the good guys was beyond her.

''Well, he can't go. Such things are not for children's eyes, Bill. I don't even want YOU to go there!''

''Well, I'm of age, so you can hardly stop me. You can't keep us all from everything ugly or unpleasant for the rest of our lives. And you know, some people might actually think it's _educational_ to see how our legal system works. Not that it works very well...''

''But not at Harry's age! He is much too young! And you want him to watch the Black Trial of all things! That man kidnapped him!''

''So you keep saying, but Harry denies it. He will throw a fit again if you don't let him go. I really can't see what the harm would be!''

''Maybe it really would be a good idea to let Harry go.''

Molly jerked around in outrage. ''Arthur!''

But her husband simply looked at her with his calm and serious expression. ''You said it yourself, Molly, that Harry has a glorified view of his godfather. Maybe seeing the reality of the trial will help him to put things in perspective and understand the situation better.''

''He's an eight year old boy!''

''Who obviously has seen more than the average child at his age. And also Bill and I will be with him.''

''YOU want to go to the trial too! Don't you have to go to work?''

''I can take another day off. I... I had not planned to watch the trial, I'm not a big fan of these things as you know, but in this case... I think I might benefit from seeing a few things with my own eyes.''

''But Harry...'' Molly tried again. ''It could be traumatic for such a small boy.

''Maybe,'' Arthur sighed, ''but in this case it might be a more traumatic experience for everyone if we _don't _let him go. Including Harry. He is already agitated as it is. All he did with his breakfast was shuffle it from one side of the plate to the other.''

''Harry almost never demands anything, Mum. If you want him to gain a little more trust and feel a little more comfortable around us, I think we should indulge him.''

Molly gave an unsatisfied grunt. ''Very well. If you two think you know better than me...'' she turned around and started to bang with her pots and pans. ''... I'm only raising seven children, what do I know after all...'' she mumbled under her breath.

Arthur went around the table to hug his wife from behind. ''And you do it marvellously. But you said it yourself, Harry is not like any other child. He has seen and experienced more bad and horrible things than any child should have at his age. But you can't undo that. We have to help him deal with it.''

''Hmph.''

''Let us give it a try, I don't think things could get really any worse this way.''

Molly sighed. ''Fine. Fine! He can go. But you are with him at all times, and he stays away from Black! And if it gets too bad or gruesome you bring him home. And-''

''Yes. We will take good care of him. Nothing will happen to him. I promise!''

''I just still get the chills when I think of what happened the last time he went there,'' Molly whispered.

''I know. But this time everything will be different. There will be lots of Aurors and Ministry officials and he will also be with Bill and me. He won't face any Dementors this time.''

''That's not what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid he will face a much more dangerous and evil monster.''

-xox-

Somewhere else, in a wizard home of much more luxury and grandeur, Lucius Malfoy was sitting in his high-backed chair in front of the crackling fire in his otherwise dark study. It was still early in the morning, but Lucius Malfoy was not a man to indulge in sleeping in. In another hour the sun would rise over Malfoy Manor and Lucius would see if his plans were coming to fruition. He was confident. He was not a man to fail. It was all about strategy and flexibility really. About planting your figures right, about thinking ahead and planning your steps and still being flexible enough to adapt. To cut your losses and sacrifice the pawns without getting burned and in the end coming out on top. Lucius Malfoy was a master in this game.

And this particular game with this particular opponent had been opened a long time ago and it thrilled Lucius to take it up again, sure that this time he would destroy him. And the best of it was, that it was just a necessary step for the really big game. He would savour destroying his opponent, and just before that happened he would tell him that he too had been nothing more than a pawn. A means to the cause. Oh he would savour that maybe even more.

''You look rather satisfied, '' a voice came out of the darkness, and when Lucius turned his head he saw a slightly translucent figure step into the light.

He frowned. ''You shouldn't draw too much energy when it isn't necessary. I doubt I have to remind you that if he dies the deal is off.''

''Well then, you'd better hurry and bring me what I want, Lucius. I'm tired of waiting, and I'm tired of being bound to a book or your pitiful offspring.''

''Don't worry. I have taken care of the last obstacle. Tomorrow will see that bastard go down and then there is nothing that can stop us.''

TBC

* * *

**If you enjoy this story, take a minute and leave a review!**

And if you don't like it, feel free to tell me too! ;)

-x-

**Reviewers anonymous****: HebHibHob: **Here! I am here! Sorry! Oh, and you write such nice reviews, I'm feeling more bad by the minute! Thank you! I know I don't deserve cookies this time! Super!Dumbledore? Hm... not indefinitely! I think Molly and Remus _could_ connect, but I think they only got closer while both were in the Order. **BloOm:** Sorry for keeping you waiting so long! Please forgive me! One trial coming up, well and I guess the chapter answered your questions about Harry. And thank you for the praise! Humbly! Bisous! **Roonil Wazlip: **Oh thank you! I'm glad you liked the way I wrote Peter, I felt he at least had to have one POV before he got snuffed out. And yepp, devious Remus is definitely fun. Glad you liked and Thank You for the praise and the full marks! ;) **Tanka**: Well, I hope you don't think I lied about reviews feeding my updates. They do! The one thing that really made me write this damn chapter were your wonderful reviews! And yes, everything will be alright! ;) **Grinsekatze: **Thank you. No never the easy way, always going for the scenic view. And yes, paying attention to details is very important to me, it's what brings a story to life. :) **Miss Meow.: **Oh god, I felt really bad reading your review again just now. Making you addicted and then not updating for weeks! Mea Culpa! Glad you like Remus wicked side – I do too! ;) And you know, thank you for the kind words and, really, sorry! **Chrissi14: **Thank you very much and welcome to the show!:) **star145:** Don't worry I'll keep on writing! Thank you and sorry for the long wait! **Volleyballgirl12:** Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed both stories so far! What will happen to Sirius? That's the question, isn't it? **Fridolin das Pferd:** Wow! After such a lovely review you are more than forgiven! And you can see I know about real life! ;) Your review really made me happy and I'm glad you find my characters understandable, realistic and true to character. Thank you! And that I got Ron right, since he worried me some. Writing children always is more of a challenge. I'm glad you like me bringing Bill in – he's a comfort isn't he? - and the business with the diary. Would love to write more, but readers will accuse me of cluttering up the chapter – **All of you: I really would love to give you better replies! Maybe you'd consider getting an account? Thousand kisses to ALL my wonderful reviewers! x Zaira**


	10. Justice

**A/N: **Here I am. I finally have the chapter at a point where I feel I can post it, and now it has even been proof-read by my brilliant beta, **ambush99**. All remaining blunders are mine alone and might just be 'artistic freedom' ;). And – especially since I forgot about it last chapter with all the news to share – a big, big THANK YOU to her for her great work and also to the wonderful **jogger** for her endless support and encouragement – without you I'd go crazy!

And THANK YOU ALL for your understanding and your congratulations. I feel blessed. x Zaira

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Justice**

The day started out looking the way Sirius felt. Black and ominous clouds were darkening the sky, and there was a light drizzle you could taste but not really see. The air was heavy with something Sirius was sure was foreboding. He had not slept much last night, remaining in his by now customary armchair in front of the fire until the late hours of the morning, silently staring in the flames. Remus, obviously reading his friend's mood, had not disturbed him but remained down in the living-room with him, seemingly engulfed in his research, the scratching of his quill on the parchment and the ticking of the grandfather-clock the only sound in the world.

Sirius had woken to the first glimmer of dawn, finding himself in bed up in his own room, blankets firmly tucked around him, but without any memory of having retired the previous evening. He rightfully came to the conclusion that Remus must have taken him upstairs after he had fallen asleep in the living-room.

So today was the day.

Sirius couldn't even say he was nervous. His limbs felt like lead when he finally dragged them out of bed and slowly got dressed in the formal black robes Remus had purchased for him for this day especially. He looked himself over in the mirror by the door. He looked even thinner and darker in these, his face ghostly pale in contrast to his hair and clothes.

''Maybe the hair, dear,'' the mirror said in a motherly voice. ''If you tie it back you don't look so...'' It trailed off.

''... much like a murderer?'' Sirius asked dully.

''It might look a little more... civilized.''

Sirius nodded and went to his bedside table, where a small silver clasp lay on top of the gleaming wood. Tenderly his fingertips brushed over the leaping silver dog. It was a child's choice but Sirius loved it. It was perfect, and not only because of the feeling with which it had been given. And if there ever had been a good-luck charm, it was this present from his small godson.

He pulled back his sleek black hair and fixed it at the nape of his neck with the clasp. He gave his reflection another look.

''Ready,'' Sirius and the mirror said in unison, although the latter sounded much more cheerful.

-x-

The convoy of ten Aurors seemed almost ridiculous, especially since there had been only three to take him from the hospital to the cottage before. But when Sirius commented on it, one of the older men frowned at him.

''You should be thankful, we're taking these security measures. It's not only for our sake you know.''

And Baldy Smith sneered, ''what, did you expect the people to cheer you when they see you?''

Sirius swallowed, trying to force down the feelings of dread with the answers that had already been on the tip of his tongue. In silence he obeyed. One truth that he had learned early on was, that you had to chose your fights. And then there was something else.

_People..._

Somehow he had never given much thought to the fact that his trial was an event open to the public, nor that it actually might draw a lot of curious rubbernecks. So he didn't say anything else as he was bound with magical chains that wound around his arms, chest and ankles of their own accord and left him barely room to move. This was only the prelude. The important fight was still ahead.

Things kept moving forward a lot faster than he could cope with.

There were spells and there was pulling, hands that handled him like a piece of furniture and he tried to look for Remus, but there were too many faces...

And then there was suction and the feeling of being pressed through something tight and spit out again, and when he landed back on his own two feet, staggering because he had forgotten that his feet were bound, there was pandemonium.

Flashing lights and noise that might have been voices and more hands, and the air was full of something ugly - hate and rage and menace - and he really wasn't a sissy, and he had sworn to himself that he would keep his head up high, but it was too much, and all he could do was let himself be steered and manhandled and yelled at, faces blurring in front of his eyes like the sea.

And then it was over, and they were in a white room. He was pushed down on a chair and told to wait. Spells locked around him once more and some of the Aurors left. Those that stayed behind stood away from him in a corner, talking in low voices and ignoring him.

Sirius tried to suppress his trembling while his heart was hammering in his chest and blood was rushing in his ears.

He really wished Remus was here.

-xox-

Remus had just arrived at the Ministry a few minutes ago, ducking the masses as best as he could and had finally found his way to the small adjoining room next to the big courtroom, where Albus had told him to meet him. He was nervous as hell, and the riot and commotion going on in front of and inside the Ministry building had not done a lot to calm him.

He hadn't slept at all last night. After Sirius had finally passed out in his armchair, he had drifted him up the stairs and to his room, careful not to wake him. Feeling silly he had tucked him in, and then had remained standing next to the bed for the longest time, watching his friend sleep, scared of losing him again so soon after he had got him back.

In the morning he had barely been able to speak two words with Sirius before the swarms of Aurors had arrived and filled his small cottage with formality and regulations and procedure. His friend had been bound, and Remus had been disturbed how a man as tall as Sirius could look so small.

When Remus stepped into the room, Albus was already waiting for him, looking serious and worried, which immediately made Remus' stomach churn. There had been a lot of times when he secretly found it to be a little annoying, but right now he wanted nothing more than to see the older wizard's calm and serene expression.

''Albus! Has Sirius already arrived? They came for him with a dozen Aurors this morning and they wouldn't tell me anything! Is he-''

''Yes. Sirius is here. You will be able to see him in a moment. But there is something I wanted to talk to you about before that.''

''What is it?''

''Peter.''

''Did he confess?'' Remus asked excited, hope blossoming inside him. ''When will he be questioned? Right away-?''

Albus shook his head. ''No. Peter will not be questioned, Remus. Peter is dead.''

Remus looked at him in silence, and when he didn't say anything else, he frowned. ''If this is a jo-''

''He was murdered the night before last by a yet unknown person, right here in the Ministry,'' Albus said calmly.

Remus blinked. ''What!''

A deep sigh left the old wizard's chest. ''I'm sorry. I know it must come as a shock. I know you were friends once and-''

''Friends!'' Was this a dream? It sure seemed as surreal. ''I don't give a fucking-... What about SIRIUS!''

''Peter never confessed to the crimes Sirius is prosecuted for. He kept on blaming Sirius till the end. However, we don't know if he would have been of any use to our cause in the end.''

''Any use? We wouldn't... what are you _talking_ about? We could have at least questioned him about the gaping holes in his story! We could have shown them...'' How could Albus be so _fucking CALM_? When Peter had just... ''Wait a moment. The night _before_ last? Since when did you know this? Why haven't you told us!''

''I didn't want to aggravate Sirius anymore if not necessary.''

''Not necessary? Damn, Albus, it's _HIS LIFE_!'' He wanted to throttle the old man. He wanted to do _something!_ ''You can't just... DAMN!''

One of the wooden chairs went flying across the room and smashed into the wall when Remus kicked it with all the might of his anger and desperation.

''I understand your anger, Remus, but there wouldn't have been anything you could have done.'' Albus tone finally held at least some urgency. ''It's not all lost! A testimony from Peter was never the way to break Sirius free. I regret that Peter had to die, but unfortunately he threw his life and freedom away out of fear a long time ago. But this is not the end. Not for Sirius.''

Remus looked at him disbelievingly. ''You have one hell of an optimistic view of the world, Albus.''

''And yet I'm almost always proved right in the end,'' the old wizard said without a hint of smugness.

''What am I going to tell him?''

The helpless question was directed more at himself, but Albus answered it anyway.

''Nothing. It's better if he finds out as late as possible.''

''Don't ask me to lie to him! Not again!''

''Not even for his own sake?''

Remus stared at the old and wrinkled face of his former headmaster who had become something like a friend, if a weird one. For the first time he really saw that Albus Dumbledore was _old_. And in this moment he understood that there was more to his actions than a sense of justice or strong morals or even a fondness for a former student. Albus felt responsible, and what he wanted more than anything was to annihilate his mistake.

-xox-

Harry was so nervous it was almost killing him, would be killing him for sure before the end of the day. He would see Sirius today! Yes, Mr. Weasley had explained that he would only be able to sit in the stands and watch what happened. That he wouldn't be able to really meet and speak to Sirius. But right now Harry didn't care about that. He would see Sirius. They would be in the same room. And when he got this close to him, there was nothing and no one that would keep him from his godfather.

Harry had been in a state of nervous ecstasy for the remainder of the last day, and had been sure he wouldn't be able to sleep at all. Ron had been rather envious that Harry was allowed to go see the trial while he had to stay at home. His mother had been _very_ definite and authoritative about that. But they had talked excitedly about how it would be, Ron insisting that it would probably be totally cool, while Harry still was a little worried about the things they had said in the article. But whenever he brought it up, Ron would simply reassure him that with Albus Dumbeldore, his father and Bill there, nothing bad could happen to Sirius.

The next day had started early. The sky was overcast with dark clouds that were moving fast, chased by a gusty wind. At breakfast Mrs. Weasley had served him a pile of food, insisting that he couldn't leave before he had eaten up. Normally he would have been happy about a large breakfast, but he _really _wasn't hungry today. But then he wouldn't let her keep him from his godfather.

Each bite seemed to grow in his mouth while he was chewing it, and everything tasted like sawdust. In the end, Harry had gorged down his food in half the time of the rest of the Weasley's and almost felt like throwing it all up again.

And then he still had to wait anxiously until Mr. Weasley and Bill were ready to leave. Nervously he looked at the old grandfather clock. Eight-fifteen. The trial would start at nine o'clock. Why didn't they hurry? They couldn't be late!

Mrs. Weasley was fussing around him again, insisting that he wore a warmer pullover because the court was held down in the dungeons, and it surely would be cold and clammy. Then there was a cloak of course and a scarf, and just before they finally went to the fire place she put a cap on his head, pulling it over his ears.

Harry was more used to travelling by fire now, but it still gave him a slightly dizzy feeling, and the butterflies in his stomach only made the experience more intense. Unlike the last time, when Harry had been here with Remus, the Ministry was full of people rushing along and stepping in and out of the green flames of the many fireplaces. Harry stumbled along between Bill and Mr. Weasley in the direction of the elevators.

They were just about to step into the arriving cubicle, when a man with fluffy white hair and hectic red spots in his face stormed out and grabbed Mr. Weasley by the arm.

''Arthur! Thank Merlin I found you! You are needed immediately!''

''I took the day off, Perkins, I'm attending the Black trial with my son...''

''No, no! We really need you! It's an emergency! It's Moody! And you know how he is with me, he doesn't listen to anyone but you.''

Mr. Weasley sighed. ''What is it this time?''

''Something about a water hose and a lawn-mower, I'm not sure what else. But he set it on his neighbours and some Muggle post-delivery-man. You have to calm him down, Arthur!''

Mr. Weasley turned to his son then. ''Bill, I'm afraid I have to take care of this. I don't think we can take Harry after all...''

Harry's stomach dropped to his knees. NO! No, that couldn't be, that wasn't FAIR! He was so close!

''I can take him on my own,'' Bill's voice drifted into his screaming conscience. ''It's alright. What could possibly happen?''

''I don't know. Your Mum-''

''Will never know!'' Bill bent forward and whispered, ''you promised Harry he could go. You can't go back on that now!''

Mr. Weasley looked at Harry then. ''Will you promise me to not throw a tantrum and watch quietly, Harry?''

Harry nodded frantically. Anything! If he just could see Sirius, he would promise anything.

''And you have to listen to Bill at all times, do you understand? And stay next to him the whole time.''

Harry nodded again. Mr. Weasley sighed. ''Honestly, you can't refuse that boy,'' he mumbled. ''Alright. I'll see to it that I can meet you there a little later. And behave yourself. The both of you!''

''Dad! I'm eighteen!'' Bill sighed exasperated. But Harry only nodded.

-xox-

''It's time.''

Sirius head shot up at Remus standing in the doorway, and once more the werewolf caught the rare glimmer of the terrified and scared boy inside of his friend.

'They are ready for you. Albus is already in. I will go with you,'' Remus said in his calmest and most soothing voice. He nodded to the Aurors in the room and they stepped forward.

''Now, Black, we will bring you in and you'll take a seat in the interrogation chair. The chains will wrap around your wrist and ankles automatically. If you do anything funny we will stun you, and we won't care if we hurt you in the process. The court room is so heavily warded you wouldn't stand a chance anyway. So be a good boy, and all will go well, okay?'' It was the old Auror from this morning who spoke, not even in an unfriendly voice. But still, Remus could imagine how Sirius would feel about being told to be a 'good boy'. But Sirius only gave a curt nod.

The chains wound themselves loose from the chair until they only wrapped around Sirius limbs, binding them together. Then the door opened, and they were on their way.

-xox-

Harry and Bill had found seats up in the back of the upraising stand that circled a platform with a chair and faced the long rows of seats that were already filling with members of the Wizengamot. Bill could see the short cut greying bob of Madame Bones, and down on the sides at facing tables were Albus Dumbledore and a woman in a pink cardigan who had to be Miss Umbridge. Bill thought she didn't look much like a prosecutor in her frilly outfit.

Harry sat next to him, tense and with bated breath. He had wanted to sit closer to his godfather, but the stands were already full with people and Bill couldn't help but think, that it might be better to be in the back, where nobody paid them much attention. It hadn't escaped him that most of the people around them weren't very favourable towards Sirius Black.

''...an outrage... poor little boy... has no shame...''

''...not really a surprise... always expected... his cousin... Azkaban... whole family...''

''...his brother too... supporter... vanished... ''

''... vicious... dark magic... with a single curse...''

Bill only hoped that Harry didn't understand the half of it, but from the way he had tensed more and more and tried to make himself smaller in his seat, it was unmistakable that he had picked up on the mood at the very least.

And then the Wizengamot was fully assembled and a low gong sounded out from nowhere. The buzz of the voices sank to a low whisper, and then the large double doors opened.

-xox-

Sirius mouth was dry when they stepped out into the stone corridor. The same corridor he had walked down before, not too long ago. That time he had been walking to his execution, and now he wondered if he was about to do that again.

This time the large doors on the other side of the corridor slowly opened on their own accord, and Sirius received his first view of the very place that would see his fate sealed.

-xox-

Stepping into the courtroom with the high stone walls, illuminated by a single large overhead window, and with the unnatural silence of a large assembled crowd staring at him, was unsettling bordering on shocking. A low hiss seemed to go through the crowd, which looked to Sirius in this moment like a single, monstrous being, ready to rip him apart.

His place was in the centre of the room, with his back to them. But he could feel them behind him, could feel the many accusatory eyes resting on him. More chains, these attached to the high-backed chair, wrapped around his arms and ankles. He was in the eye of the storm, feeling detached and helpless.

Seconds ticked by like hours and the moment went by in the blink of an eye, and suddenly there was complete silence.

And then the voice of a woman broke into this silence, like a knife coated in honey.

''State your full name, please.''

It was the woman from before, he was sure he had seen her, when he was bound to a table rather than a chair. She wore... _pink. _

Sirius cleared his throat.

''Sirius Orion Black.''

Thank god it sounded steady.

''Date of birth?''

''12th of November 1959.''

''Occupation?''

''Ehm... I used to train as an Auror.''

''Yes, well, but you aren't an Auror now, are you Mr. Black?''

She shot him a sickening sweet smile.

''No, I'm not.''

''So you would say you are unemployed?''

''Well, you just don't get much job offers in Azkaban.''

The smile left her face as fast as it had appeared.

''Please answer the question, Mr. Black.''

''No, I don't have a job right now, so I guess you could say I'm unemployed.''

''So would you say you are right now living off the money your family left you?''

''I guess.''

''Are you only guessing, Mr. Black, or do you actually know the answers to my questions?''

With a deep breath he raised his chin and fixed her with steely blue eyes.

''For the last seven years I lived off the stale bread the Dementors brought in my cell everyday. When I broke out I lived on what I could find in the rubbish bins of Muggles. When I was on the run I lived on what I could get my hands on.''

''You mean you stole it.''

''Sometimes.''

''So after your prison break, to which we will come later, you resumed your life of crime?''

''I had to eat. And so did Harry.''

''Ah yes, Harry Potter. The until then innocent boy whom you kidnapped out of his loving home and submitted him to a life like yours... eating Muggle garbage and stealing.''

A hiss erupted from his throat.

''A loving home! They abused him! I saw his oaf of an uncle hit him so hard he flew across the room. He had lash marks on his back when I took him with me! Is that what you call a loving home!''

''Random accusations won't weigh in your favour, Mr. Black.''

''Random... they aren't random! This is the truth. And I did not just take Harry. I asked him if he wanted to come with me, and he did.''

''Ah yes, the _truth_.'' There was a simpering little laugh. '' Unfortunately what you call the truth, I know to be _hideous, ugly lies_.''

''They are not.''

Had she just _giggled_?

''Ehm ehm. Yes. Well, let's come back to your family, shall we?''

''What about them?''

''Well, your family has a certain reputation, hasn't it?''

''I'm afraid you'll have to elaborate on that further.''

''Well, aren't they famous for... their Pureblood fanaticism? Incest? All kinds of dark practices?''

The pretence of a shudder.

''I can't see how this is relevant.''

''Let me be the judge of that, Mr. Black.''

''Well, I broke with my family when I was sixteen.''

''Even with your brother? Your brother was one of You-know-who's followers, wasn't he?''

''Yes.''

Had there been a waver in his voice? He wasn't sure.

''And what happened to your little brother, Mr. Black?''

''He is dead, as far as I heard.''

''You heard? Where would you have heard that?''

''I... tried to gain information after he vanished.''

''And did you offer information about the other side, the ones fighting You-know-who, in exchange?''

''What? No! I- I just... I asked around. I heard rumours.''

''_Rumours_. I see... So how was your relationship with James Potter?''

''We were best friends. More than that, we were brothers from the age of eleven. His family took me in when I left home.''

''Do you think that it is a coincidence that your brother and the man you say was _like a brother_ to you are both dead now?''

''What?''

''Is is a coincidence, Mr. Black? It is rather a simple question, I'd say. Yes or no?''

_Where the fuck was this going?_

''Well they were both killed by Voldemort or his followers, if that is what you mean. But no, I never thought that their deaths could be connected in any way.''

''So it was a coincidence?''

''If you want to call it that.''

''Oh I certainly don't, Mr. Black.''

She shot him a smile, this time shaking her head like she was deeply disappointed by him.

''So you had broken with your brother. Did you hate him for being more loved and appreciated by your parents? Did you kill him because you were jealous perhaps?''

''W-what? I didn't kill Regulus! We did not see eye to eye in most things. But I didn't hate him. I never hated him! He was my baby brother!''

''And James Potter? What caused this band of _brotherhood_ to break? Was it jealousy as well? Was it maybe his marriage? Were you angry that he moved out and left you behind?''

''No. Of course not! I wasn't-''

''Lily Potter was Muggleborn, wasn't she? Maybe it was her you hated.''

''I loved Lily!''

''So you had an affair with the wife of the man you called 'your brother'? Then you were jealous of James Potter for having the woman you wanted for yourself? And maybe you hated her because she chose him? Was this why you arranged their death? Or was it simply to serve your Lord and Master?''

''No, for Merlin's sake! We were FRIENDS! They were my BEST friends! My FAMILY! When Harry was born, I was named Godfather. I wasn't _jealous_. I didn't have this kind of feelings! I was happy for them. I was... I was always welcome at their place!''

''Were you? What did Lily Potter think of your closeness to her husband and your being around all the time?''

''She didn't mind... She knew we had always been like brothers. The two of us got along great.''

''Of course you did.''

A look of contempt.

''So when you say you were close, it would only be natural that you would become their secret-keeper, wouldn't it?''

''That was the original plan. But we changed it.''

''Why would you do that? Why would you bail out of helping your _brother? _Your _family?_''

''It was a hoax. We thought we could deceive Voldemort. Everybody would believe me to be the secret-keeper, nobody would suspect Peter. It seemed to be the perfect plan.''

''Ah, yes... Mr. Pettigrew... Who is dead now. Tell me Mr. Black did you kill him because he would have contradicted your rather amusingly outrageous story, or were you afraid he'd break and admit to being your accomplice?''

He stared at her.

''What are you talking about? Everybody knows he only faked his death! He lived under the roof of a wizard family as a rat for _seven years_!''

''Ah yes, I guess that was the first time around. However now he is really dead. We have the body to prove it. So did you kill him bec-''

''He is DEAD!''

''Yes, Mr. Black, I think I quite clearly stated that. Now if you cou-''

''How the FUCK did that HAPPEN!''

''He was killed in his cell two nights ago. So, how did you do it?''

Something was... this couldn't be true... she had to be lying. Why wasn't anybody saying something?

''Answer the question, Mr. Black !''

''How...? I... how the hell would I have been able to... I was confined to Remus Lupin's cottage! There are alarms going off the moment I step my toe out the threshold, never mind the collar constricting my windpipe!''

''Oh I'm sure you have means and ways, Mr. Black.''

''WHAT THE FU-''

''If I could move for a break at this point?'' Dumbledore's voice, though calm, resounded over the noise that had started to erupt from all corners of the room. ''As you might have guessed, my client didn't know about the death of Mr. Pettigrew up to this point.''

''YOU KNEW!'' Sirius head turned around, looking furious.

''Sirius. Calm down.''

''CALM DOWN! When Peter-!''

''Sirius.''

Remus voice sounded out, and a moment later his hand came down on his shoulder.

''Maybe we should take a short break,'' Madame Bones said with dignity. ''We will come together again in one hour. And Albus? Please see to it, that your client has all the required information. And maybe you could emphasize that he is only to speak to answer the questions of the prosecutor.''

-xox-

Harry sat frozen, staring at the door that had closed behind his godfather and Remus and the old wizard, Dumbledore. He wasn't sure what had happened, but he understood that someone else was dead and they once again blamed Sirius. And now... what was happening now?

''Bill?''

Bill turned around to him and he too looked pale and shocked. ''What happens now, Bill?''

''I-I'm not sure, there's a break before they go on with the trial...'' Bill looked around them uncertainly. ''I think some people are stepping outside...maybe we should...''

''Can we go see Sirius?'' Harry whispered, staring at Bill wide-eyed and pleading.

Bill looked uncomfortable. ''I-I don't think... Harry, Sirius is guarded by a lot of Aurors, I don't think they will let us in.''

''Can't we ask them? Please, Bill? Please!''

Bill sighed and held out his hand. ''Come. We'll take a look around. Maybe we can find Remus or something.''

-xox-

The door closed behind them and Sirius struggled to whip around. Unfortunately his momentum was halted by the chains, and it ended up to being an awkward stagger. His accusing eyes met those of the old white-haired wizard.

''What else are you not telling me!'' he snapped. ''I thought I could _trust_ you!''

''You _can_ trust me. Scrimgeour informed me about Peter yesterday morning and, since I thought that the expectation of the trial would put enough strain on you, I refrained from giving you information which at that point would not have any benefit for you but rather was bound to agitate you even more.''

''You don't get to decide that! You are my advocate, Albus, not my baby-sitter. What the hell... you don't get to tell me to be a good boy and behave and leave me clueless!''

''I'm sorry, Sirius. I might have misjudged the situation, but I did what I thought best at that moment. I only had your well-being in mind, and I also didn't expect Dolores to bring it up like that.''

''Yeah,... about that... What the _fuck_ is wrong with that woman? Accusing me of having killed my brother and having an affair with Lily! Is she totally off her broom!''

''She wants to make you lose your temper,'' Remus said quietly. ''She wants to show the Wizengamot that you are a raving madman so that they feel more inclined to believe you capable of the things you are accused of. And then one or the other of them might actually think there's truth in it. And a motive.''

''Remus is quite right. And therefore it is very important that you keep your temper in check.'' Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but Albus halted him with a raised hand. ''I will admit that you had every right to react this way in regards to Peter, and I think we can even use that to our advantage. But you need to get yourself back under control now and not allow Dolores to egg you on. Do you understand?''

Sirius huffed and grumbled something indistinguishable.

-xox-

There were people everywhere and no one paid them any attention as they wandered down the corridor, further away from the masses. Harry simply stumbled along, holding Bill's hand and trying to be invisible. They turned around the corner where there were no visitors anymore, and immediately a group of men in black robes came towards them.

''Hey! What are you doing here? Go back to the courtroom, this is a restricted area!'' one of them called. The men surrounded them, and Harry stepped closer to Bill, looking frightened.

''One is just a kid.''

''Who are you?''

''Leave them be. I know them,'' came a deep voice suddenly from behind them. ''What are _you_ doing here anyway? It's your job to see to it, that no one even gets this far! Go and position yourself at the corner. And you, Smith and Dawlish, watch the visitors in front of the courtroom. We don't want any commotion.''

''And what about those two?''

''Leave them to me.''

The other men obeyed, some looking disgruntled, and vanished down the corridor in the direction Bill and Harry had been coming from. Then the man who had just spoken bowed down and looked directly at Harry.

''Hello Harry. How are you doing? I didn't know you would be here,'' he said, his voice much gentler than before.

Harry looked up surprised at being addressed by his name. And then he recognized the tall Auror who had been at the cabin with them before they took his godfather away.

'H-Hullo, Mr. Kingsley,'' he whispered, not sure if the man was angry with them too. It seemed they had done something forbidden. But the Auror just winked at him and turned towards Bill.

''You must be Arthur's eldest. So what are you doing wandering around here? Isn't your father with you?''

''No, Sir,'' Bill answered politely. ''He wanted to come with us to see the trial, but then he had to work. An emergency. Something with Mr. Moody.''

Kingsley laughed good-naturedly. ''Yeah, Moody is always good for an emergency, I guess. The man is crazy with suspicion, but a great Auror he was!''

''Mr. Kingsley...'' Harry spoke up quietly, worrying his bottom lip with his front teeth. ''W-we wanted... d-do you know... w-where is Sirius?''

Kingsley smiled at him, but his eyes looked sad. ''You wanted to see your godfather, huh? That's not so easy, Harry. Only his advocate and the assistant are allowed into that room.''

''B-but you know where he is? Please. C-can't you take me?''

Kingsley looked from Harry to Bill and back. Then he sighed. ''Damn... this could cost me my job, you know? Okay. But only for a little while. And don't tell anyone, okay? Not even your father. Promise me that?''

Harry nodded eagerly and heard Bill say, ''Of course we won't tell. Mum would kill me if she ever found out...''

''He's right in here,'' Kingsley said, still looking uncomfortable as he took them to a plain looking door. ''The room connects to the courtroom.''

Kingsley raised his wand and waved it in a strange pattern. Then he knocked and opened the door.

-xox-

The door opened into a small and gloomy, rectangular room with rough stone walls and only two small windows high up under the ceiling, which were only letting in some rather dark and greying light. An oil lamp on a scratched wooden table gave off a deep yellow shine.

At first Harry thought there were only two people in the room. Two men were standing with their backs towards them, only appearing as black silhouettes. But then their heads turned towards the door expectantly, and he recognized Remus and Albus Dumbledore.

''Remus!''

Harry already wanted to run forwards, towards the gentle wizard he had come to like a lot, when they both stepped back, revealing a third man sitting in a chair next to the table and Harry froze, his heart beating painfully in his chest like it wanted to escape his body.

After a second, the other man slowly rose from his chair, his eyes never leaving Harry's. He seemed to make two, three steps towards him, but stumbled and with the hollow sound of metal on stone he fell to his knees on the dusty floor, both his hands stretching out towards him almost like in prayer.

''Harry.''

It was a gasp, rough with emotion, but it was Sirius voice and Sirius face and it was all he had wanted for so long!

Harry hurled himself forward, not thinking, not caring, throwing himself at his godfather, holding onto him like for dear life and sobbing so hard his whole body was shaking.

Arms were lifted and his face pressed against the black cloth on Sirius' chest, and then the arms were around him, stroking his back and hair clumsily, and it smelt like him and felt like him and Harry was so _glad. _Finally the whole nightmare was over. He was back with Sirius.

It felt like forever and like just a second that he melted and snuggled against his godfather. His sobs became sniffing and he started to notice that Sirius held himself awkwardly and that there was something cold and hard at Harry's neck that felt like metal. The chains, Harry thought, as he buried his face deeper into that warmth, trying not to care, wouldn't care where they were and who was with them, only that he was finally, finally where he belonged and safe and home.

He was with Sirius and he was home.

TBC

* * *

**A/N: I hope this makes up for the mean cliffhangers of the last chapters! :)**

**Reviews! Feedback! Comments! Questions!**

**- all so very much appreciated!**

**Reviewers Anonymous: HebHibHob: **Thank you so much! A miracle worker? I'd wish! And I had help, and a wonderful husband who reminded me to keep my cool and worked the REAL miracles. :) And with the story? Well, let's see what you think about the new chapter? Angh phank ou fogh the coocrchies! **Roonil Wazlib: **Hmmm... Voldemort wants someone. Harry might not be allowed to speak in front of the Wizengamot. And Sirius conviction? Now, I can't say anything about that right now, can I? ;) I hope I made up for the cliffhangers this time. I just had to see I keep my reputation. ;) Thank you! **Bloom: **How was London? I'd love to go and see my nephew, but what can I say? Work! So glad you liked the part with Arthur. Was unsure about that, so thank you for telling me. Sirius' FIRST reaction to Peter's death we've just seen and well, worries should not be abandoned all together at that point. Thank you so much! (Don't know how often I wrote THAT ;) **MISS MEOW.:** So glad you liked their talk! And Arthur is, well, not as fanatic as Molly, and not as naive as Bill. He thinks with his head. ;) Thank you so much for your kind words and wishes! **Carol: **Thank you so very much for your reviews! Making my readers laugh and cry and really feel for the characters, is the highest achievement for me! It warms my heart to hear you like it. I hope you enjoyed the new chapter as well (and I hope if you did you'll tell me ;) **Mia: **Thank you for the warm welcome! Sirius & Remus – still a long way to go. Dumbledore? Always having a plan and then yet another one. Lucius and the translucent man: Meant to be scary. And evil. And mhwahaha! ;) **Selina:** Well, I'm just happy you reviewed this time! :) It's always a treat to me too when readers do. And, wow, really, for the praise I feel is too much and the good wishes that I gratefully accept! Thank you!**Keli:** Well, I'm glad you are confident that I'm not gonna go berserk and murder my favourite characters. Or almost confident, but then it's always good to have a plan B. But, don't worry, you can trust me! :) **volleyballgirl12 **and **windstar: **Thank you so very much for your praise and good wishes!


	11. Courage

**About the use of Veritaserum... again: **This question comes up every now and then. I know many fanfiction authors love this solution. It is straight forward, it is easy and it gets the job done. I'm not one of those authors. I have two reasons for it. First, from an author's point of view, I find it boring. I like drama, I like to make it difficult, I like to be original and I like to make it real. There are no easy, bottled-up solutions in life and over-coming obstacles makes us grow. That's what I want for my characters as well. Secondly, I feel quite secure that I'm in canon with not using Veritaserum in court. I can't remember any use of Veritaserum in a Death Eater trial. The only interrogation I can remember is Barty Crouch jun. at the end of GoF, and that was not a court procedure but an emergency. I hardly claim to remember every fact, but I do research and even the Harry Potter Wiki states that "Because some wizards and witches can resist its effects and others cannot, Veritaserum is unfair and unreliable to use at a trial, and thus cannot be used as definite proof of guilt or innocence." There you go...  
So forget the Veritaserum, and trust me that I have still a few tricks up my sleeve! ;)

* * *

**A/N: **This one was a struggle and very difficult to write. I hope it doesn't show.

A huge THANK YOU to jogger, who held my hand and gave support and brilliant suggestions when I felt unsure and frustrated. Don't know what I'd do without you, honey! Another huge THANKS to all of you who reviewed. Your feedback is my inspiration. - Now beta-ed by the brilliant ambush99. All remaining mistakes are mine alone. Thank you so much!

WARNING: The chapter contains Dolores Umbridge. Do I need to say more?

* * *

**Kapitel 10 - Courage **

Sirius sat with his eyes closed and his head leaning back, listening to Albus telling him how the case wasn't lost because Peter was dead.

''Just the fact that Peter wasn't dead, like everybody believed, can help us. It shows that the Ministry didn't lead a proper investigation and sent you to prison on the ground of false assumptions.''

''In the end Peter had nothing to gain from confessing his crimes. Even if the Wizengamot did not have believed his tale, I believe he would have taken you down with him. This way he at least can't make any accusations against you in front of the Wizengamot.''

Sirius chuckled, his eyes still closed. ''When I hear you talking like this, I almost start to believe _you_ killed the rat.''

''I'm not trying to be tactless here, Sirius. You should know that. But we have to make the best out of this situation. We need to show them that there is an alternative string of events. We need to show them that Peter is as likely a suspect as you have been, that he is the _more_ likely suspect. The first and most important step is to make them doubt what they believe they already know. Then we will tell them your story. _You_ will tell them your story.''

At that Sirius raised his head and looked up at the serious face of Albus Dumbledore. ''_My story..._ and what exactly would that comprise of?''

Albus looked at him for a long moment while Sirius simply stared back.

''However much is needed. We need to make them see you in a different light. If we don't manage that, we can have as many facts as we want, but they will be useless.''

''What about their witnesses?'' It was Remus who spoke up, almost as if he felt uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation. ''There were witnesses when Sirius went after Peter, weren't there?''

''Yes. But since it wasn't a wizard settlement, most of them were Muggles. Because of the Act of Secrecy they can't testify in court. The same goes fo-''

The heavy door on the other side of the room creaked open and Albus broke off. Oh Merlin, was it already time to go back? Sirius felt his heart starting to beat faster. Albus and Remus turned around towards the arrivals he couldn't see. And then his heart nearly stopped when he heard the squeal of a little boy calling ''Remus!''

Like in a daze Sirius registered Remus and Albus stepping back, revealing the open door to his view and in the door... _Harry._

For a moment he couldn't do more than stare. But then, without thinking, he was on his feet, rushing towards the only thing of real importance in his miserable life. But the chains around his ankles wouldn't allow for such wild and impetuous behaviour, and he stumbled, staggered, and then went down on his knees, barely holding in a sob.

''Harry...'' he breathed, overwhelmed, shocked, too startled to find words.

Harry was here. How could Harry be here? Why was he? This was too dangerous, too ugly, he shouldn't have to see him this way... but whatever Sirius had been thinking, whatever inner demons he had been fighting with, it all evaporated the moment Harry flew towards him and, on impact, pressed himself against him, grabbing for whatever he was able to reach, holding on to it and him and clutching at him, shaking with small, pitiful sobs.

Sirius tried to embrace him, tried to hold the small boy like he had longed to do for all those days. He struggled with his bound wrists, lifting them over Harry's head and awkwardly cradled him to his chest, trying to hold him as close as possible without hurting him, desperately longing to comfort him, to take him away from here and make it all better, so that he would never have to cry again.

''Shhh...'' he mumbled softly, his lips pressed into Harry's hair in a silent kiss. Harry's sobbing had become sniffling, his face buried into the juncture between Sirius' neck and shoulder, fists clenching the crisp cloth of the formal robes. ''Shhh... I'm here. It's okay, pup. I'm here.''

He hated the shackles that made the whole process so difficult, but Harry didn't seem to care or notice and snuggled closer. There was a soft tickling of breath against Sirius' skin as he gave a small sigh. Tears threatened to rise up in Sirius' eyes, but he couldn't allow himself to let them fall. So pressing them closed, he just savoured the unrestricted love that seemed to irradiate from Harry like a lighthouse. His boy. His pup. James' son. And now _his son. _If he had any say in it.

''I was scared that I would never see you again,'' Harry whispered.

Sirius drew in a deep breath through his nose and pressed Harry closer still. He must have been so afraid and confused... he must have been hurting so badly, and he, Sirius, the one who was supposed to take care of him and protect him, had not been there.

''I'm so sorry Harry. I promise you...''

What? What could he honestly and safely promise the small boy? That he would never leave him again? He had to. Now. Soon. In just a few more minutes. That he would always be there for him? When they send him back to Azkaban? Or worse, when he was a freaking corpse? What the hell could he say?

''It's gonna be alright, pup. I know you are scared, but it's gonna be alright,'' he mumbled soothingly, just wanting to give some sort of comfort to the little boy he had come to think of as his own.

''Really?'' Harry whispered. ''You're not gonna die?''

When he heard Harry's hopeful words, Sirius couldn't help himself. He crushed the small body against his chest, hugging him, as a hot pain pierced through his heart.

''No, Harry, no. I'm not gonna die. Didn't I tell you? We will be together like a real family! I don't know how long it will take, but I promise you, I will do everything I can to make it happen.''

For a long while they just stayed like this, Sirius kneeling on the floor and Harry cuddled in his lap, his head resting against his chest. And Sirius savoured it. Because he knew that however much he might wish for it at this moment, he wasn't free to take Harry away. He wasn't free. Not yet.

From the shuffling of feet on the rough stone floor Sirius became aware again of his surroundings. That they weren't the only people in the room. That he was still in the small chamber next to the court room. That there was still a trial going on. And that he was still a prisoner.

Maybe not Harry, but _he _needed to face that.

Slowly he raised his head and looked at the two men that were standing a few steps away, and had entered the room with Harry. One of them he recognized as Kingsley Shacklebolt, and he gathered that it had been him who had let Harry in and allowed him to see his godfather. Then his eyes drifted to the second, younger man. He looked slightly familiar too, and the red hair... it could only be a Weasley. Bill Weasley... Merlin, the boy had grown into a man.

Sirius struggled to rise to his feet with the weight of his godson in his arms, and the hindrance of his bound limbs. Bill was the only one who made a move as if he wanted to help him, but something stalled him. The other men remained where they were, for which Sirius was grateful. With the light weight of his small boy in his arms, he faced the newcomers with a slightly self-conscious smile.

''You must be Bill?'' he asked, meeting the young man's eyes.

Bill nodded, looking nervous. Sirius understood that he too had changed a lot from the young and carefree wizard the boy had met eight years ago. And he probably had never faced a murder suspect. Sirius knew he looked the part.

''It's been a while.''

''Eight years,'' Bill said quietly.

''You've grown up.''

Bill nodded again.

''I'm sorry about your uncles. Everything happened so fast back then. Gideon and Fabian... they were great guys.''

''The best,'' Bill whispered.

''Yeah.''

This was a little awkward. Standing there in a room that was pretty much a cell, in shackles, with his small godson in his arms, while the rest of them tried not to make it too obvious that he wasn't one of them. That he was something else entirely. The prisoner. The suspect. The victim. However you wanted to look at it, he was not like them.

Maybe they wanted to _help _him. Maybe they felt _sorry _for him. Maybe they _hated_ what was happening to him. But in the end it was him in the shackles, him the people looked at in contempt and disgust, him they spit in the face. In that moment, maybe for the first time, he really understood what it must be like for Remus.

Carefully, trying not to fall again in his shackles, he turned and made his way back to the chair next to the table, sinking down on it with Harry in his lap. If nothing else, he might as well make the most out of this short blessing.

Albus cleared his throat and turned to Kingsley Shacklebolt. ''How long do we have before we resume?''

''Fifteen more minutes.''

Fifteen minutes. Sirius sighed. Why was it that the best things in his life always came with a limit?

-x-

But when Sirius stepped back into the courtroom he seemed if not calmer, then at least somewhat better prepared. His eyes found Harry and Bill up in the highest row of the auditorium, and he sent his godson a small wink.

He had contemplated telling Harry that he didn't want him to go back to the courtroom, not sure if all this was really something Harry was old enough to experience and understand. But it had already been hard to make Harry let go of his robes when the time had come to go back. It was evident that Harry would not give up a single minute in the vicinity of his godfather. The time together had been too short, for both of them, and Sirius could only hope that Harry would be able to hold on to the little comfort and reassurance he had been able to give him during those moments.

Picking up on the need of godfather and son to just be with each other, Remus, Albus, Kingsley and Bill had retreated to the opposite side of the room. Talking in low voices, they had tried to give them at least the illusion of a little privacy. During that whole time Harry had snuggled against him, not letting go of his robes for a single moment. His little pup was so scared. And so brave.

''How do you like it at the Weasleys? Are they taking good care of you?''

Harry had just shrugged at first, not wanting to meet his eyes. But if he thought that would help with his godfather, he should have known better. Sirius had put his index finger under the small chin, lifting it until Harry looked at him uncertainly.

''Are they treating you right, Harry?''

''I think so... Mrs. Weasley always wants me to eat a lot.''

Sirius smiled. ''Well, that can't be a bad thing, can it?''

Harry shook his head, eyes dropping once more.

''Harry? What is wrong? Is there something you don't like at the Weasleys?''

Harry squirmed at that.

''Harry?'' Sirius voice grew more urgent, and he forgot to speak quietly. ''Do they hurt you?''

There was a sound of protest from the other side of the room, and Harry shook his head frantically. Sirius shot a somewhat apologetic look in Bill's direction and hugged his godson closer once more.

''What is it Harry?'' he asked quietly, close to Harry's ear. ''You can tell me. You know that you can tell me anything.''

''Sometimes... she says mean things,'' Harry whispered almost too quiet to hear.

Sirius stiffened, the hateful words of Vernon Dursley which had done as much damage as any physical violence, still ringing in his ears. ''About you? What does she say? Whatever it is, it isn't true, Harry!''

Harry shook his head against Sirius chest. ''She says mean things about you.''

Sirius took a deep breath. Of course. He should have known. He knew Molly after all, and she was not the most rational, but surely one of the most stubborn people he had ever met. He could recall conversations, or maybe discussions were the better word. And while he would be hard pressed to say what they had really been about, he still remembered Molly fighting tooth and nail in her absolute certainty of her own opinion. Back then they had not hated each other, but they had not exactly liked each other either. They seldom met, and for him she had always been the overbearing older sister of Gideon and Fabian. But that was back then, before...

So what was Molly saying about him now? Well, he could probably imagine. But what angered him, was how little consideration she seemed to give for Harry's feelings.

''Okay, listen pup. I know it must be bad to hear those things. And I know you must be angry with her for my sake too. But I tell you what,'' Sirius stroked over Harry's unruly hair and smiled when the little boy looked at him with radiant green eyes, ''the most important thing for me is that you are alright and that nobody can ever harm you again. And I really want to see to that myself, I want to protect you and take care of you. But as long as I'm not free yet, we will have to make do. Okay? Those things that Mrs Weasley says... they are just words, Harry. They won't hurt me, and you should try to not let them hurt you. I know that can be difficult. But you know that I love you. And I promise you, that I didn't do all those bad things people say.''

''I know,'' Harry said, looking earnest.

''So then, if she says something bad, you just remember that, okay? What she says isn't true. And it doesn't become true because she says it. I love you and that won't change. You are my godson and we are a family. I know _you_ believe me. That is all that is important to me.''

Harry had given a small sigh, letting his head fall back against Sirius' chest. And the wizard had held him close for as long as he could.

Fifteen minutes.

-x-

Now the Wizengamot was assembled once more, and he was led to his seat in the middle of it all.

His eyes travelled over the assembled spectators for the first time really. Faces full of contempt and disgust mostly. But then he caught sight of somebody else. Far to the left and holding herself a little stiffly, sat a woman with dark brown hair that fell in soft curls over her shoulders. She was attractive in a somewhat exotic way but looked older than Sirius remembered. Of course that might have been because he had not seen her for seven years either. Their eyes met, and her face softened as she graced him with a sorrowful smile. Sirius almost couldn't believe his eyes, but there was no way he could have mistaken his favourite cousin. The only ally in his otherwise fanatical family. He wasn't sure what Andromeda was thinking, what her reasons were for coming here, but it seemed it wasn't to condemn him, and he felt thankful to her for at least acknowledging him. He tried to convey all that with his eyes, and Andromeda Tonks gave a small nod before he was pushed back into the high-backed chair and the chains wound around him once more.

Facing the Wizengamot and the spiteful woman, whom he now knew to be Dolores Umbridge, he tried to push away all the dread and fear by thinking of Harry and how brave his little godson was in this situation. He had tried his best to reassure him, and at the same time Sirius had drawn strength just from knowing that Harry loved and believed in him.

-xox-

There was a gong once more and the room fell silent.

''We resume the trial of the magical community against Sirius Black. I hope we have all calmed down a little by now, and I don't want to hear any heckling from the audience. Now if the prosecutor would be kind enough to finally present us with the indictment before questioning the defendant further, we could round this up and come to the evidence.''

''Of course Madame Chairman,'' Umbridge smiled sweetly. ''I was just trying to get to know the accused and his background a little better.''

''That is all very well, but I think we should start concentrating on the crimes he is charged with. Now, if you could present them to the Wizengamot.''

''Of course.''

Sirius had to suppress a grin, as Dolores Umbridge actually looked a little flustered at what might qualify as a scolding. There was some rustling of papers, and when she seemed to have found what she was looking for, she looked up with a haughty expression.

''Having ascertained the identity of the here present wizard as the accused, Sirius Black, son of Orion and Walburga Black, currently unemployed, I now present the charges. Sirius Black, you are charged with murder in no less than twelve cases, betrayal of a magical secret, leading to the death of the secret-givers, prison break, kidnapping of an underaged wizard, deprivation of liberty of an underaged wizard, evading arrest, assault and illegal performance of the Animagus spell.'' Dolores Umbridge turned her eyes towards Sirius, and now there was nothing sweetish about her. ''How does the accused plead?''

Silence fell.

''Not guilty.'' Sirius voice was strong and was immediately followed by outcries from the auditorium.

Mrs. Bones waved her wand and another gong sounded through the room. She looked down at Sirius seriously. ''You plead not guilty of all the charges?''

Sirius frowned. ''Well, apart from becoming an Animagus. I admit that I've done that. But I was only fifteen then, I didn't really mean it as an offence.''

Another murmur went through the stands, this time of disbelief. Sirius Black had become an Animagus at fifteen? They couldn't believe it.

''You didn't mean it as an offence?'' Umbridge was heard once more. ''Like you didn't think your other crimes were offences? Do you think you can do whatever you want, Mr. Black? Do you think you are above the law of ordinary wizards perhaps?''

''No. I think no such thing. I simply did not commit the crimes you are accusing me of!''

''So you didn't break out of prison?''

''Well, I was put there as an innocent man in the first place, so that really should change things, shouldn't it?''

''To me that does indeed sound like someone expecting to be treated specially.''

''Alright. Yes, I broke out of Azkaban. Obviously. But I didn't murder anybody, I didn't betray James and Lily's secret, I wasn't even the secret-keeper! And I didn't kidnap Harry, even less deprive him of his liberty. He wanted to be with me!''

Umbridge laughed her little girl laugh, that contrasted so much with the evil looks she gave him.

''Do you really think anyone in this room will believe that, Mr. Black? That a little boy would willingly leave his home and run away with a stranger? A criminal who had just beaten up his uncle? Do you really think anyone will believe these lies?''

''I had come across Harry in the park two days before, we had talked and I had told him who I was. So he knew me already.''

''Ehm ehm.''

'' And, like I said, his uncle was abusive! He hit Harry and I only tried to stop him from hurting Harry more...''

''EHM ehm!''

''... I couldn't leave him with those people! I had-''

''MR. BLACK! I'm sorry to inform you that nobody here is interested in your pathetic attempts at a sob story.''

''I just want to expl-''

''NOW,'' Umbridge interrupted him ''I will tell you what happened.'' She pulled herself up straight and with a dramatic voice spoke to the audience as much as to the Wizengamot.

''Seven years ago, you made everyone believe that you had left the path of the Dark Arts, that you had seen the light. But that, of course, was nothing but a facade. You played the role of the good friend and _brother _while - consumed by jealousy and envy – you schemed against them. Spied on them! And worked as a loyal servant to He-who-must-not-be-named! Everyone fell for your act, even a wizard like Albus Dumbledore. They believed you. They trusted you. And when they were at their most vulnerable you drove a dagger in their backs and twisted! You told the Potters that they should make you their secret-keeper. And when they gave in, you betrayed their secret to their worst enemy! You might as well have killed them with your own wand! Just like you probably have killed a lot of men, women and children on the orders of your Master. We might never know the monstrosity of all your acts, but we _do _know and have eye-witnesses for the murders of twelve Muggles on the day after the Potter's death. Furious about your Master's demise you went crazy and blew up a whole street, probably in a fight with your accomplice Peter Pettigrew, who managed to fake his death at this incident. After having made a massacre, you stood there laughing and enjoying the scene when the Aurors arrived and arrested you. You were sent to Azkaban for life to pay for the atrocity of your crimes and to guarantee the future safety of the wizarding community. But knowing more dark magic than any other wizard besides He-who-must-not-be-named, you weren't affected by your surroundings and managed to break out and run free! The first thing on your mind was now to finish what you had attempted seven years ago. You went after the saviour of the wizard world, The-Boy-Who-Lived, little Harry Potter! You broke into the home of his aunt and uncle! You threatened them and almost killed the uncle! Then you took the little innocent boy. You threatened him! You tortured his poor soul and always held him in fear, so that he wouldn't run away from you! You-''

''NOOO!''

The scream rang through the high walled court room. Everyone faltered. Heads turned into the direction the interruption had come from. Umbridge visibly seethed at being interrupted in her dramatic climax.

''You held him pris-''

''It's Harry Potter!''

''Oh Merlin, it's him! Look!''

''Harry Potter!''

Nobody paid attention to Dolores Umbridge anymore, all heads turned to the small boy with the shock of unruly black hair standing up, exposing a scar shaped like a lightning on his forehead. He was standing in the upper most row of the auditorium, his eyes wide in fear in the face of the heads and eyes that were now all turned on him. The pointing fingers. The whispers and voices calling his name as if they all knew who he was. He tried to back away, his lip trembling.

''P-Please... it's...it's not true!'' he tried to raise his voice against the whispers coming from all over, ''It's not true! Sirius never hurt me! He is my godfather and I love him! Please! Please let him go so that we can go home.''

For a few seconds there was perfect silence. Then the room erupted in voices.

''Merlin! Did you hear what he said?''

''Black must have totally brain-washed him!''

''But what if it is true?''

''Is this really Harry Potter!''

Three loud gongs sounded through the room this time before the crowd hushed down to excited whispers at least.

''Silence!'' Mrs. Bones called out, and her authoritative voice managed what the bell had not.

The crowd fell silent.

''I will not accept such behaviour in this court room. This is and will remain a public trail only for so long as it doesn't disturb the procedure. The _only_ one allowed to speak up in this court apart from me, are assigned members of the Wizengamot, the interrogator of the prosecution and the defence and, as far as he is answering their questions, the defendant or a called-upon witness. Everybody else will be _silent_. Wizards and witches who can't abide to this rule will be banished from this court room. Am I understood?'' One could have heard a pin drop in the ensuing silence. ''Very well.''

Mrs. Bones directed her gaze at the small figure of Harry, standing frozen in fear, and her face softened. ''Now, Mr. Potter, I'm afraid these rules hold true for you as well.'' She frowned. ''Are you here on your own? Where is your guardian?''

Bill, who had tried to tug Harry down before, rose from his seat, his face a bright scarlet seeming to compete with the colour of his hair. ''Ehm, he is with me,'' he said, looking embarrassed. ''I'm Bill Weasley. I'm sorry. My father wanted to join us, but he was called to an emergency. I'm really sorry for the interruption.'' Nervously glancing around himself at all the staring people, he added, ''we probably better leave now. This might be a little too much...''

''Yes. I think that would be better, Mr. Weasley,'' Mrs. Bones nodded.

Bill reached for the little boys hand. ''Come Harry.''

Harry looked at Sirius and then at Bill before lowering his eyes to the ground and shaking his head.

Bill tuggged at his hand. ''Harry, please, we have to leave now.''

From the corner of his eyes Harry glanced at the people around him, staring at him. He moved closer to Bill, trying to hide behind him, but at the same time tugged at his robes and shook his head again. ''Please. I want to stay with Sirius,'' he whispered.

''We can't. I'm sorry, Harry, but we really better go now.''

Laying an arm around the little boy, Bill tried to steer him towards the doors. But halfway Harry started to struggle. ''No! Please! I want to stay with Sirius!'' he cried, tears escaping his screwed-up eyes.

Another low murmur ran through the crowd, the only sound in the room apart from the whimpers of the boy.

But then someone spoke. ''It's alright, Harry. You don't have to be scared. Just go with Bill. I promise you, everything will be alright.''

The little boy turned his tear-streaked face towards the room, towards the prisoner, because it was him who had spoken. Sirius Black had his head turned as far to the side as possible to catch the eyes of the boy.

''I promise, Harry. Don't cry. It'll be alright.''

The eyes of the crowd turned from the boy to the man, the murderer, bound by chains. Some were filled with disgust and outrage, some with confusion, but just a few were coloured with sympathy.

And then the man in the interrogation chair _smiled_ at the boy, and the boys whimpers ceased, as he rubbed his sleeve over his eyes. The boy was led outside by his companion, and the doors closed behind him with an audible thump.

-xox-

Remus wasn't sure if he should smile or cry and, like so often in his life, did neither. Whatever the consequences, he couldn't help but feel proud of the small boy, his dead friend's son, whom he knew to be so very shy and afraid of other people. To jump up in front of this assembly and defend his godfather like this! Remus had to remember how the same small eight-year-old had faced three Aurors, trying to stop them from hurting the man who, Remus was sure, had become Harry's father in his imagination.

From his seat behind Albus he watched Sirius, who was almost rigid with tension. His hands were balled into fists, and the muscles in his arms were straining against the tight chains that bound him. His head was bowed enough to hide his eyes if not his face, since his long black hair couldn't fall forward freely like it normally did. Remus wondered if Sirius actually wore his hair long to better hide his face if need occurred.

''Ehm ehm. Well. Maybe we could now proceed?'' Umbridge said, giving the door a sad smile and shaking her head. Then she turned and threw a look of open disgust at Sirius. The message was all too clear. _'The poor deranged boy. That was the work of this monster here before us.'_

''Yes.'' Mrs. Bones tore her eyes away from the door and turned her eyes on Umbridge. ''It has been noted that the defendant pleads not guilty on all charges, apart from the illegal performance of the Animagus Spell. Has the prosecution anymore questions for the defendant?''

''Oh yes. A few.'' Dolores Umbridge turned towards the prisoner. ''Ehm ehm. Now, Mr. Black, after having been able to see the sad display of just how much you have twisted that poor child's mind, there is not much left for me to ask. It is obvious that you manipulated the traumatized boy. So, Mr. Black, on the evening you kidnapped little Harry Potter out of his home, did you beat his uncle, Vernon Dursley, until he was down on the floor, too hurt and too frightened to stop you?''

Sirius pierced her with a glare. ''I _didn't_ kidnap-''

''THE QUESTION, Mr. Black, was if you hit Vernon Dursley or if you didn't!''

''Yes, but it wasn-''

''That's all the answer I need, Mr. Black. So you beat the poor man down. Or wasn't he lying hurt on the floor, when you left?''

''He wasn't that-''

''A simple yes or no will do, Mr. Black.''

Sirius gritted his teeth. ''Yes.''

''And did you then take little Harry and leave the house with him?''

''He was scared! Hi-''

''EHM ehm.''

''Of course I took him out of there!'' Sirius' voice was rising with agitation. ''What el-''

''WELL, WELL, well. That's rather interesting, Mr. Black. I _personally_ would call that kidnapping. And I'm afraid that wizard law does so as well.''

''Does it even-''

''MR. BLACK!'' Umbridge had a rather impressive organ for such a small woman, even if it had the tendency to turn into a shriek. ''You will answer ONLY my questions, is that understood! What kind of dark magic did you use to break out of Azkaban Prison and escape arrest during the months after?''

If looks could kill, Umbridge would have dropped like a fly. ''I didn't use any dark magic.''

''Of course not. Then could you tell us _how_ exactly it was, that you managed what nobody managed before you? How _did_ you escape from your high security cell and the Dementors in a fortress out on a rock in the sea? Did somebody help you? Maybe an old Death Eater friend?''

''No! Nobody helped me. I don't really know how I did it,-''

''Oh, a _very_ likely tale! He doesn't know.'' The last was called into the direction of the audience and she finished with a giggle. ''Well, Mr. Black, then let me ask you something you hopefully _do _know. What were you doing on that Muggle street in London the day after you helped He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named kill the Potters?''

For those who knew Sirius as well as Remus did, the hot fury bubbling under the surface was obvious. He could only hope that his friend had his temper in check.

''I went after Peter. I knew he had betrayed James and Lily and I was crazy with-''

''_Crazy_! So it was indeed just like I said. You went crazy when your master was vanquished-''

But that was the end of Sirius' restraint.

''NO! If I was crazy, then it was with grief for my best friends! And I went after the man who was responsible! Peter P-''

''MR. BLACK!'' Umbridge giggled again. ''Calm yourself! It will suffice if you answer the questions I am directing at you.''

''Maybe it would work better, if you'd actually let Mr. Black _give_ those answers, instead of answering them yourself,'' the calm voice of Albus Dumbledore interrupted her before she could phrase her next question.

Umbridge looked at him with scandalized contempt. ''Ehm ehm. I think right now it is the turn of the prosecution.'' She raised her eyebrows and gave the Head of the Wizengamot a meaningful glance.

Mrs. Bones nodded. ''Professor Dumbledore, the defence will have time to question the defendant afterwards. I have to ask you to remain silent until then.''

Dolores Umbridge smiled sweetly.

''And I have to ask the representative of the prosecution to decide, whether she wants to hold a speech or question the defendant. Are there any other answers you are seeking, Miss Umbridge?''

Unsurprisingly, Umbridge had more questions, and while she didn't interrupt Sirius immediately, she still managed to twist every word around until it fitted the image of the insane and ruthless murderer and kidnapper she wanted to paint. Sirius visibly had difficulty not exploding, and while Remus almost gave a sigh of relief when the candy-coloured witch finally finished and sat down with a satisfied smile, Sirius looked as murderous as many of those present thought him to be.

But now it was time for the defence. Madame Bones waved her wand and another gong was heard.

''It is now the turn of the defence to question the accused,'' Mrs. Bones declared calmly. ''Do you have any questions, Professor Dumbledore?''

Albus Dumbledore stood up and smiled his serene smile. ''Yes,'' he said and with just a hint of mockery added, ''a few.''

In contrast to Umbridge, Albus Dumbledore turned his back to the audience and only spoke to the Wizengamot.

''I'm standing here today, before you instead of sitting among you, to revise one of the most tragic and outrageous judicial errors of this century. Not only was an innocent man put into a prison we all know to resemble a death sentence in the long run. He was put there without the benefit of a trial, without being heard and the possibility to defend himself. Seven years ago Sirius Black lost everything. He lost the two people who were closest to him, who had become his surrogate family. But in the atmosphere of fear and suspicion we all remember from those times of war, he lost even more. We, as the magical community, took away his every right, not only in front of the law, but also in front of humanity. We took away his freedom and his life. We locked him in a cell, we left him in the dark, in the cold, and forced him to live through his worst nightmares, through the fresh grief he had just experienced, again and again. We stole seven years of his life. I say 'we' because I am just as guilty as the rest of us, maybe even more. Because I've known Sirius Black since he was a boy, and I should have trusted him. Instead I abandoned him to a fate worse than death, because I believed in the obvious and didn't pause to look deeper, to doubt. I should not have doubted him, but furthermore I didn't even give him what it is our duty to give. The _benefit _of the doubt! I beg you all today to not make the same mistake again. To not believe in what our treacherous eyes and our prejudices tell us to be _obvious_. But to listen to this man, a man who fought against Voldemort under great risks of his own life, who saved others and who was repaid so poorly by all of us. I beg you to listen and give him this time what was denied seven years ago: The benefit of the doubt!''

The reactions to Dumbledore's speech were mostly what Remus Lupin had expected. As his eyes scanned the faces of the members of the Wizengamot he could see it all. There was incredulity that a man like Albus Dumbledore would actually claim Sirius Black to be innocent. There was outrage in the face of what many regarded as allocations of blame. There was disgust of those who saw nothing but a monster before them, and contempt of those who believed Albus had some secret agenda. There was honest surprise and even pity, maybe because some thought the old man had lost his mind. There were sighs and shaking heads and snorts of anger. But in a few faces Remus thought he could detect something else as well. Consideration maybe. Sympathy. Doubt. Dedalus Diggle and an old witch Remus didn't know even nodded their heads in approval.

But Albus Dumbledore didn't seem fazed by this at all. He probably hadn't expected anything else either. And still, Remus couldn't help but hope that just a little seed might have been planted in the hearts of those who were sitting in judgement on his friend. At least the atmosphere in the room had changed and calmed down, and especially Sirius had lost some of his tension.

''Mr. Black,'' Albus turned towards his client, ''we have heard the accusations you are faced with. We have heard a lot of questions as well. What we haven't heard so far, is your side of the story. But that is what I am most interested in, and I hope so is the court. You have pleaded 'not guilty'. I would like you to tell us why. Did you commit the acts that Miss Umbridge outlined so colourfully for us?''

Sirius swallowed, but his voice was clear and steady when he answered. ''I did not betray James and Lily. I would _never _have done that! I wish I had become their secret-keeper, but I did not. It was Peter Pettigrew. He betrayed my friends and delivered them to their death. I didn't kill those twelve Muggles either. Peter caused that explosion, probably to fake his own death and frame me at the same time. I was _never_ a traitor! I fought against Voldemort and his Death Eaters, and I would have died for our cause before I betrayed it or my friends.'' His voice broke and he visibly had to take a deep breath to get back his composure. ''I did break out of Azkaban. I had to. I knew, I felt, that Harry was in danger, and I was right. When I followed him to his aunt and uncle's house I saw how his uncle hit him so hard he was thrown against the kitchen cabinets! When I stormed in and told him to get his hands off him he even used the boy as a shield!'' Sirius understandably couldn't help but become agitated. ''He hurt him! They abused him all his life! He slept in a cupboard, was as thin as a stick and scared of his own shadow! He was bruised and thought he was a freak, because that's what they had told him again and again! Of course I took him with me! He _wanted_ to come with me! What should I have done? Leave him there! I am his godfather! Lily and James wanted me to take care of him if anything happened to them! And that's what I did! Yes. I hit Vernon Dursley. And I don't regret it. He is a brute of a man who beat an eight year old boy! Who flayed him with a belt! I should have hit him more, but I doubt I was able to do any appropriate damage!''

''So if I understand it correctly, you were protecting Harry from his abusive uncle?''

''Yes.''

Albus turned towards the assembled members of the Wizengamot, his face grave. ''Defense of others. I think that everyone will agree with me, that in a case of such horrible abuse, Mr. Black did the only thing right. He helped a little boy who was the victim of his violent guardian. He honored a promise that he gave to the boy's dead parents, by protecting him and taking care of him. We all have heard the words of little Harry. He _loves _his godfather, and all he wishes for is to go _home_ with this man! We will hear testimonies that will confirm the abuse of Harry Potter by his guardians later as well. Sirius Black might have saved the life of Harry Potter. These charges of kidnapping and assault are an outrage and need to be dropped!''

Maybe it was wishful thinking on his part, but Remus thought that the horror and disgust, he could see in some faces, for once wasn't directed at his friend. There was even one middle-aged witch on the left, who was dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief.

During the next hour of questioning Mrs. Bones had to call for silence more than once, as emotions were running high in the court room, and even went so far as to banish a few of the loudest agitators in the audience from the room. There were cries of disbelief, when Sirius told about the circumstances leading to Peter becoming the secret-keeper, and how they had not told anyone about it. How Peter had betrayed them. Many people seemed to think he was trying to save his neck by accusing someone who couldn't defend himself anymore. Others seemed to think it highly unlikely that no one would have known about it. But at least Sirius got to tell his story, and Remus could only hold on to his hope that Albus speech might have settled into the minds and hearts of a few of the members of the Wizengamot. But then of course a few were not enough. They needed the majority. And right now it didn't look like the majority was convinced by a man with the reputation of an insane mass-murderer from a family of fanatic dark wizards.

-xox-

Lucius Malfoy had just arrived back at Malfoy Manor and strode down the corridors to his son's room with a frown on his face. The first day of trial had been rather amusing and everything was working towards success, but he had hoped that the whole thing would be over in one day. Instead the old goat Bones had adjourned the continuation of the trial and the hearing of the witnesses, and that left him in a tight spot. Unlike that cow seemed to think, he didn't have all the time he wanted at his hands.

He opened the door to his son's room and with a wave of his wand turned up the lights. Draco was lying in his bed, seemingly asleep, But Lucius knew better. He moved towards the huge four-poster, looking down at the feverish face of his only son and heir, who looked so small, almost drowning in the silk sheets and pillows. A thin film of perspiration coated his skin, sticking his silver blonde locks to his forehead. Why had the foolish boy been snooping around in places where he shouldn't have been in the first place? Why had he been taking Lucius' possessions when he had been told again and again that it was forbidden? It was all the fault of his mother, who spoiled the child with gifts and nonsense instead of raising him for his future role as the Malfoy Heir, and one day the head of the family! But neither Lucius nor the House of Malfoy would be defeated like this. He would not lose his son. He had a plan after all.

Absentmindedly he reached out with one glove-covered hand to brush away the sticky blonde strands.

''So when will I get my present, Lucius?'' came a voice out of the shadows behind him, where Lucius knew nobody had been just a moment ago.

The hand dropped immediately.

''It will take a little more time. The trial has been adjourned. But the outcome will be the same, either way. Black won't be able to fight his reputation. And what witnesses do they have apart from that half-breed?''

''You seem pretty sure of yourself. And you better be. You know what the consequences will be if you fail.''

Lucius turned around and studied the slightly fuzzy apparition of the handsome seventeen year old in front of him. The boy smiled cruelly and sauntered over to the bed, looking down at the unconscious form of Draco with a fake sigh of worry.

''The same goes for you, Tom. You have not enough hold on the soul of my son. So if I fail the consequences won't be pretty for you either. But I won't fail. I have very good arguments myself after all. In my vault, and here.'' Lucius tipped his finger against his temple. ''I know about a lot of dirty little secrets. And to ensure that they remain secret, some people will do whatever I say. Sirius Black will go down. And when he is gone, I'll hand you your present on a silver platter.''

Tom turned around and smiled, his handsome face becoming ugly with a sneer. ''Harry Potter. Oh I'm sure he will be delicious.''

TBC

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**PLEASE **(insert pathetic, begging look) **REVIEW!**

**Reviewers Anonymous****: Bluemoon:** Thank you so much for your high praise! I feel humbled. And I'm glad to hear your emotions got to you. My writing is rather emotional and I love it if it makes you shiver! **Selina:** I'm VERY proud of you! Lol! Glad you liked the reunion, and oh yes, Dumbledore had something to say – didn't he? **Mia: **Thank you! Really, what can I say but Thank you! Yes, Umbridge is a **, not sure if I can fulfill the death wishes for her so many of my readers expressed, lol. Right now, she is still needed. The tension level is rising again, but I guess that's to be expected with the start of the trial? **Bloom: **I really should hand out cyber-handkerchiefs at the beginning of a chapter! But glad you liked and indulged! ;) Um** is of course sprouting nonsense. It's just her way to paint Sirius as someone you would believe to do anything bad and ugly. And maybe this chapter managed to reconcile you with Albus a little? **Miss. Meow: **Thank you so much! What can I say? I'm an emotional gurl? ;) But I always felt very emotional about the tragic of Sirius' and Harry's fate, so I guess that shows. **HebHibHob: **Now you've done it. I'm too flustered to know what to say. Ehm... Thank you! I'm really just indulging myself and trying to make it good and worth the read for you out there. I really have no words for how happy it makes me to see people like to read it and are excited about an update. Your praise makes me want to do better, so I hope you liked this one. And spot on about Um**. She a lovely woman to hate with a passion! **Roonil Wazlib:** Thank you! So much. And do you think I should feel worried that I'm so good at writing the bad guys? But don't worry, I'm nor truly mean at heart! ;) **Bookworm371** and **goldengreaser**: Thank you very much for the kind feedback!


	12. Honesty

**A/N: Here you go. Sirius and me needed a little breather from Umbridge and the trial.**

Knowing that I repeat myself and still not able to stop: I'm blessed with knowing two wonderful women, who to my utter amazement love this story enough to take the time to help me make it as good as it can be. Thank you jogger and ambush99!

And to those who celebrate it : **Happy Halloween! **

x Zaira

* * *

**Chapter 11 – Honesty**

Hot water was drumming down on him and Sirius leaned his head back, holding his face into the spray for long minutes. The tension that had kept him going all day was only slowly starting to leave him. And he felt dirty. Dirtier than he had felt when he was escaping from Azkaban. He had faced a lot of disgust and contempt and even hatred in his life. Hell, he had been practically drowned in it every summer when he was home from school. But never from so many people... people he didn't even know. After the long years of solitude in a prison cell and the months of seclusion with Harry at the cabin, just the amount of people alone had come as a shock. But he especially had not been prepared for the bristling hostility. He had only ever faced the Aurors and Ministry officials, but today it had been the ordinary people from the street. And they all wanted his death. A painful one if possible. However much he willed himself to not care, he couldn't help but feel the weight of all their looks and sneers...

_Harry_.

He tried to think of Harry and his earnest face and his little fists, clutching at him, and how he had stood up in front of all those people and told them that he, Harry, loved the man they thought to be a murderer. The thought was like a warm cup of cocoa on a cold winter's day, and Sirius leaned his forehead against the tiles, letting the water run down his back and tried to hold on to just that.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his reverie.

''Sirius? You're not going to drown yourself in there, are you?''

Sirius let out a sigh and turned off the water. ''No. I'm almost done. I'm coming!''

''You need a fresh shirt?''

Sirius grinned. ''Sure, honey, that would be lovely!''

''Git!'' Remus mumbled good-naturedly.

Sirius sighed, reaching for a towel. He wrapped it around his narrow hips and gave his reflection a hesitant glance. He knew that Albus was waiting downstairs, but it had been a long day and he'd rather talk about anything else but the trial tonight. The interrogation had been better and worse than he'd expected. Albus standing up for him in front of everyone, that had felt good. Being able to tell his story had been hard but also a relief. But he had not expected just so much loathing somehow. He had not expected the unfairness and atrocity of the accusations, and he had not expected Umbrige to bring up Regulus. James and Lily, he was prepared for that. But not Regulus... not the brother he had killed by abandoning him.

Once more it was Remus who pulled him back to reality, when the door opened and a hand held out a shirt through the gap. Sirius pulled the door open with a wry, if somewhat tired, smile.

''You suddenly concerned about my modesty?''

Remus blushed a little. ''I just thought... after today... ah, come off it, you stupid mutt!'' he huffed when Sirius grinned. ''And get dressed already!'' he called over his shoulder, making his way downstairs. Sirius watched him go and smiled to himself. He already felt a little bit better.

-x-

When Sirius came down the stairs a little later in faded jeans, barefoot and his inkish hair still falling in damp strands to his shoulders, Remus and Albus were already sitting at the kitchen table with cups of steaming tea and a plate of crumpets. They were studying the long rolls of parchment Albus had brought, a copy of the official protocol the special brand of quick-spell quills had produced during the proceedings.

''Do you want me to?'' Remus asked, looking up and gesturing to his friend's head when Sirius sat down opposite him. It would only need a quick drying-charm after all.

But Sirius' smile seemed a little pained and he shook his head. ''Ah...no, thanks. It's fine.''

Remus suppressed a sigh. It really wasn't easy to tap-dance through Sirius' mood-swings sometimes. There was angry Sirius and playful Sirius, surprisingly gentle Sirius and sulking Sirius, guilty Sirius and just damn plain annoying-on-purpose Sirius. But the most difficult, the most scary, was this one. Vulnerable Sirius had not been around a lot in their school-days and Remus understood that it was as much due to the situation as it was a sign of trust that he got to see a hint of him these days. The fierce desire to protect his friend this awoke in him was rather new to Remus. In the past _he _had been the one that Sirius and James felt a need to protect, especially Sirius who would be the last to leave the Shack on the morning after a full moon and the first in the infirmary holding his hand and feeding him chocolate later when the strain of the change had left him exhausted. Seeing the often reckless and even haughty Sirius Black, with his devil-may-care attitude, worried and doting on him had always given him a warm feeling inside that soothed the pain in his bones and muscles even more than Madame Pomfrey's potions did.

Sirius had seldom let his guard down enough to become or even look vulnerable. Remus really only could remember one occasion, one he rather didn't recall. It might have very well been the scariest moment of his life. Scarier than the full moon. Scarier than facing a bunch of Death Eaters or even a bunch of Aurors. He could still remember how pale Sirius had looked. Like a ghost. Like a corpse. And the smell, the smell of fresh and not so fresh blood, sweet and metallic, and just somewhere in him something had _liked_ it. Sirius on the tiles in his pyjama bottoms, his eyelids fluttering, barely conscious. There was red smeared on his chest where he had tried to cradle himself, and at first Remus had thought 'Who?'. Until he saw Sirius' wand still clutched in his bloody hand and things suddenly started to make sense. Or not make sense, because this was Sirius. That night, between horribly insufficient healing spells and hastily applied bandages, between pleads and blood replenishing potion, Remus had understood that Sirius Black had a breaking point. It was hard to reach, but if you did, Sirius broke harder than others.

To steady his hands or drag his mind away from the images, Remus reached for the tea-pot and a fresh cup and poured for his friend.

''Thanks,'' Sirius said and the warmth and easiness was back, and maybe Remus had just imagined the pain in the handsome face earlier. ''So where do we stand?'' Sirius asked, carefully schooling his features to remain calm and neutral and not betray any anxiety. ''I mean, I told them about Peter and everything, but I don't think it convinced them to be honest.''

''Maybe not everybody,'' Remus was quick to object, glad to concentrate once more on the present. ''But I think there are a few who have started to doubt the Ministry's version.'' He wasn't really sure, of course, if he was trying to reassure Sirius or himself.

Thankfully it was Albus who chimed in, putting down the scroll he had been reading. ''Well, all we have been able to do so far, is show a different picture, a different story. Now we have to convince them that it is not just a story but a likely story. Next week the Wizengamot will hear the witnesses. The Ministry doesn't have much there, but there are two problems. A lot of the witnesses they questioned after Peter blew up the street were Muggles. The Aurors took their statements, but they can't testify in court because of the Act of Secrecy. That's why the prosecution will read the statements. It's always less convincing, but it also makes it more difficult to prove their unreliability. We might be able to show holes in these testimonies, but that alone won't help us. We need people giving testimony in favour of Sirius. We need to show them that there are people who will stand up for him.''

''Good luck with that,'' Sirius snorted.

''Oh I think there are some, aren't there Remus?''

''If you think it will help any, you know I will tell them whatever is needed. Just keep in mind that people don't tend to trust werewolves all that much.'' Remus didn't look at them but rather studied the contents of his tea cup.

Sirius shifted on his chair. ''Is it really necessary that Remus is testifying?''

Remus flinched and immediately scolded himself. Sirius probably just wanted to spare him the contemptuous questions Umbridge surely would have about his 'dark creature' status. Probably? Certainly. And still he wished there wouldn't be these attempts... these signs of pity.

''Remus can give evidence about the circumstances of the day he found you. About how you saved Harry and him in the blizzard. How you didn't run. How you took good care of Harry...''

Remus looked up, but not at Albus. His eyes fixed on the silvery blue ones across the table. ''Yes. I can do that.''

''Of course, there is someone else who could give a good account on how well Sirius took care of Harry,'' Albus said, looking at them over the rim of his glasses.

''There is?''

''Who?''

''Harry.''

For a moment the two Marauders just stared at their old headmaster. Finally it was Remus who spoke, giving Sirius a nervous glance.

''Harry? But, would he even be allowed to? He is only eight, and his guard-''

''No.''

''Obviously, from what we all were able to witness today, young Harry has a rather prominent desire to defend you. Even his outbreak has already gained us sympathy. But Harry could also confirm the treatment of his relatives. The treatment you saved-''

''No.''

Albus sighed. ''Sirius. You have to understand how serious your situation is.-''

''You think I don't know that?'' Sirius glared at him. ''You think the people trying to kill me with their looks, the shouts and yells and that pink piranha didn't give me a clue about that? But the reason I'm here, the only reason, is Harry. I broke out because of him. I survived because of him. All I want is for him to be happy and safe. To feel safe. And you want to drag him in front of a room full of people staring at him and make him tell how he was hit and humiliated? No! He is only eight. He's been through enough. I want him to never have to recall all that!''

But Albus wasn't so easily argued out of something. ''Sirius. This could be crucial. This could be the key to your acquittal. Even if Harry is only eight, he is the Boy Who Lived. The acclaimed saviour of our world and people will believe him. If we can show them that Harry is not only not afraid of you but loves you, if he can tell his story freely, it will sway a lot of opinions.''

''No. It's my final word.''

''Technically you don't have to approve. You are not his guardian.''

''Albus!''

Remus saw the anger light up in Sirius' eyes, who had already jumped out of his chair, and it was only Remus' hand on his friend's that held him back at this moment.

''Sirius is Harry's godfather, Albus. Even if the wizard world doesn't acknowledge it right now. And what is more, it is his trial. He should decide.''

Sirius, breathing raggedly, sunk back down on his chair.

''Still, Albus is right.'' Remus turned to his friend and, when he tried to snatch his hand back, looking at Remus incredulously, held on. ''Harry needs you, Sirius. If nothing else, that was evident today. And do you remember what you told him? What you promised him? You promised that you would be together as a family again! I know speaking in front of the court won't be easy for Harry. But he was already incredibly brave today, when he spoke up. This time he'll only have to answer questions. Maybe this could even be without the audience.''

''But... Umbridge... what if she... That woman is evil! I don't want her near him.''

''Umbridge won't push deeper for details of abuse.'' Dumbledore explained calmly. ''For her case, those things can only be disadvantageous because they make you his saviour. She also knows it won't be to her favour if she is anything but considerate with a little boy, let alone Harry Potter.''

''Still. Harry is too young...''

''He wants nothing more than to help you, Padfoot. What if we ask him? We ask him if he wants to tell the court about it.''

Sirius chuckled wryly. ''If you ask him he will say yes. Of course he would. He would cut off his own right hand if he thought it would help. He doesn't think of himself. He never learned that his own wants and needs count.''

''But you taught him, didn't you?''

''I tried.''

''Then don't go back on that now. Harry _wants_ to help you. He wants to tell the court that you are innocent. It's all he's been talking about actually. And he wants you to be free. So that you can take him home.'' Remus looked at Sirius meaningfully, and his friend rolled his eyes.

''Yeah, yeah. I get it.'' He hesitated one last time. ''Okay. Talk to him about it. But I want _you_ to talk to him, Moony.'' He looked at Dumbledore, calmer now. ''Sorry, Albus.''

''No. I understand. And I apologize for being insensitive. Maybe Remus and I could pay a visit to the Burrow together tomorrow. Then Remus could talk to young Harry, and I will convince Molly.''

Sirius took a deep breath but then nodded. Slowly the tension died away and their talk finally moved to lighter topics. After a while Dumbledore got ready to leave, having rejected Remus' offer to stay for dinner. Remus mumbled something about potatoes and went outside to pick them up from the cellar, not without shooting Dumbledore a meaningful glance.

-x-

Being left alone in the kitchen with Sirius, Albus reached for the tea-pot to refill the younger wizard's cup.

''I really am sorry, Sirius. I should not have said that about you not being Harry's guardian. ''

Sirius shrugged. ''No. What you said was true. I'm not Harry's guardian, however much I want to.''

''When the trial is over, we might be able to change that.''

''Assuming we win.''

''Yes.''

Sirius nodded, staring down into the twirling liquid while he stirred his cup. ''Thank you. Not only... Your speech today. It means a lot to me that you believe me.''

''I meant what I said. I should have never doubted you.''

''It's okay. I know how things looked.'' He shrugged again, obviously feeling uncomfortable with the topic. ''So, when will you see the Weasleys tomorrow?''

''I'll owl you after I have spoken with them.'' Albus hesitated for a moment, but then asked what had been on his mind for a while.

''Are you prepared for afterwards?''

''Do you mean are we expecting Molly Weasley storming the house and hexing the evilness inside?'' Sirius tried to joke. ''Well, she wouldn't catch me by surprise. Or are you asking if Remus has forgotten that he becomes a cuddly little werewolf when the moon is full? I doubt it. Neither have I.''

''If I understand correctly, you, James and Peter have become Animagi back when you were in school to help Remus endure the change.''

''Yes. It's easier for him that way. He has company, his pack, and it makes him calmer. He doesn't tear himself so badly. That's why I will be with him that night.'' Sirius looked defensive and determined.

''I understand and admire that you want to be there for your friend. That's why I tried to persuade the Ministry to expand the boundaries of your confinement to those of Remus' property, or at least the cellar he uses to change. Unfortunately that motion was declined.''

''What do you mean?'' Sirius exclaimed angrily. ''I thought I was confined to the house, so why can't I go into the cellar?''

''Because the cellar is only accessible from the outside.''

The eyes of the younger wizard were ablaze with anger. ''What! But... you put in another bedroom for Merlin's sake, surely you could do something simple as a door?''

''I most definitely could. But the Minister was clear about this. I'm sorry, Sirius.''

''Sorry? That... they can't do that! Moony will know I am here. He will go crazy. I'm his pack, and Moony will go through fire to get to his pack.''

Dumbledore nodded gravely. ''I know.''

''I can't leave the house. There is no way Moony won't know. He will smell me and if he can't get to me, he will hurt himself.''

''I know.''

''No! You don't understand! It will be bad! I can't be responsible for that! I have seen what it's like if the wolf gets angry. You know what happened. They can't make me...'' Sirius looked at Dumbledore and once more the fire of desperation and determination burned in his eyes which held just the slightest touch of madness. ''Take me to Azkaban.''

Dumbledore sighed. ''I can't, Sirius, even if I wanted to. You are bound to this house.''

-x-

Sirius felt the icy cold of dread fill him. There had to be something. Something he could do. ''He could die,'' he whispered. He would be the cause of Remus' death. He would kill his other, his now only friend. What kind of curse was he under? Was everyone he cared about doomed to die because of him?

''Sirius. It is highly unlikely that it will come to that, not when you change to your Animagus form. It is important that Remus won't smell a human in the vicinity. But there is a danger to every transformation, you know that. And no, it won't be easy for Remus this time, but he's been through worse.''

''Because of me.'' Sirius stated, his voice hard.

''What do you mean?''

''He has been through worse because of me.''

A feeling of endless helplessness filled Sirius, like being caught in the tide, unable to change what was going to happen, unable to _move..._

Dumbledore sighed again. ''You can't go there, Sirius. You can't take the responsibility for everything that happens around you. You can't control everything, however much you want to. Believe me, this is a lesson I had to learn the hard way.''

Sirius laughed, a bitter, bark-like sound. ''That's hardly a comfort if I can scrap him from the floor the next morning. Well, but then it won't be me, will it? Even if he lies dead down there, it won't matter, because I won't be able to walk through that door.'' He pointed a sharp finger at the entrance to the cottage. And then an idea sparked inside of him, and he turned his head back to the door. There was a possibility, wasn't there? He just had to give them a reason. Before Albus could say anything, before he could react, Sirius stormed across the room.

But the moment he reached for the door handle and Albus cried out his name, the door was pushed open from the other side and Sirius collided headlong with the very werewolf he couldn't help but want to protect, no matter the cost.

Remus' hands came up to grab Sirius' shoulders, pushing back against him.

''What do you think you are doing? Have you gone crazy?''

Sirius stared into the wide eyes of his friend. ''I-''

''Have you fucking lost your mind, you dumb mutt? Do you know what would happen if you went through that door?''

Sirius grimaced, body still ready to bolt. ''That is kind of the point.''

''The point is you going back to Azkaban? Where is this coming from! Are you so tired of my company already, that you want to go back to the Dementors that badly!''

Sirius body sacked. ''Full moon is tomorrow night.''

Remus looked at him like he had said the earth was a globe. ''I know that, you idiot. It's not like I could forget.''

''The Ministry won't let me be with you.''

Remus face didn't show any reaction.

''You knew!'' Sirius asked, getting angry again.

''No. But I can't say it comes as a surprise. I can't see why that makes you run for the door though.''

''You -... I will be _here_, Moony. In close proximity, but not with you.''

''I know.''

''How can you all be so stoic about it? Am I the only one worried for his safety?'' Sirius cried rounding back on Dumbledore.

''No. You're not. But Remus is strong and has managed through the last full moons as well, although they weren't easy. I spoke with the Ministry healer, since Fudge doesn't approve of Poppy. I asked her to check up on you day after tomorrow. If anything happens, she will be able to help Remus.''

Remus bowed his head towards the older wizard. ''Thank you, Albus. I appreciate this.''

Dumbledore nodded. ''I leave you to your privacy now. I will send an owl about the time for our visit tomorrow.''

When the door closed behind the headmaster, Remus pushed Sirius back towards the kitchen table.

''Sit down and don't move, do you hear me? I can't believe you! Do you even pause to think before you jump into action?''

Sirius slumped down in his chair. At least there would be a healer available on the day after. He knew it was the best he would get. The best Remus would get. The well-being of werewolves wasn't high on the Ministry's list of priorities. But that didn't mean he had to like it.

''I hate to be responsible for you getting hurt. I don't want that... not again.''

-x-

Remus watched Sirius defeated posture and something struggled inside of him as he tried to push images and feelings alike back, down, deep deep down where he didn't have to think about them. Feelings of trust and betrayal, affection and self-disgust, hope and heart-break. Blood and pain. His. Sirius'. He pushed it all away. It was his fate. Had been his fate since that night so long ago that everything before seemed like a distant dream. A story he had heard once about another boy.

_The silver light of the moon was falling through his bedroom window onto his sheets and he still felt wide awake and much too giddy to sleep. Tomorrow was his fifth birthday and his mother had promised him a big cake and there would be a party with all his friends from the neighbourhood. And then there would be presents. He wondered if he would finally get the toy-broom he had been wishing for for so long. Even Reggie Cattermole from down the street already had one, but Remus' mother was always worrying that something could happen. But tomorrow he would be five, and at five you were already a big boy, already starting school. _

_Feeling a little thirsty, or maybe just needing an excuse to get out of bed again, Remus scrambled out from the blankets of his huge four-poster and sneaked down the stairs to the kitchen. He had to climb on one of the kitchen chairs to reach the cupboard with the glasses, but Remus was good at being silent and sneaky. He had to with a Mum who always _worried _so much. Holding his glass_ _of water with both hands he looked out through the window pane in the back-door. The silver moon was painting the garden that stretched all the way towards the forest in a mysterious light. So beautiful. So magical. Then he saw the colourful little lights dancing around the rose bushes at_ _the back of the garden. Curious, Remus pressed his face against the cold glass to see them better, but they were too far away. He reached for the door handle and slipped out into the garden. It was easy to find his way, the moon lighting his path. The_ _shadows seemed deeper and the forest at the edge of the property was looming in blackness, but_ _Remus only had eyes for the dancing lights. When he came closer he saw that the lights in fact were little figures with multi-coloured wings that were buzzing in and out of the bushes in what looked like a rollicking game they were playing. Remus watched in awe. _

_Suddenly there was a rustling in the trees as a light breeze picked up, and the glowing little creatures halted their play, their buzzing becoming more frantic. And then, almost in a heartbeat, they flew off over the hedge and vanished into the neighbouring gardens. There was another rustling and Remus shivered. Suddenly the garden didn't look so magical anymore. _

_And then he heard the growl. _

_It was followed by scratching sounds and then the rustling grew louder and came nearer and now Remus really was scared and started to run back to the house as fast as his little feet could carry_ _him. And then the growl was behind him, and something hit him with such a force that he crashed to the ground and all the air was squashed out of him, and then there was pain. _

_Pain. _

_PAIN._

_And he SCREAMED. _

_He tried to struggle, but there was a heavy weight pinning him down and there were glowing yellow eyes and he felt light-headed and SCARED. And there was the pain that was so bad he felt almost numb and he wanted his Mummy! He wanted his Mummy so badly, but he couldn't call. His voice was just a whisper and what if Mummy couldn't hear him?_

That was all Remus could remember. He didn't remember the days afterwards, but he knew that there hadn't been a birthday cake and that there had never been a party, not even later. There had not been a toy-broom either, and he had never played with Reggie Cattermole again. But that was his life, had always been his life, and there was no use in complaining and there was no use in Sirius doing acts of outrageous idiotism. And then again it was just like Sirius to jump the wand, acting first and thinking of the consequences later...

-xox-

The evening was getting late. Actually it was starting to get so late that you couldn't rightfully call it evening anymore. Tea had been replaced with Firewhiskey without a word, and when Sirius had announced that he felt the need to get smashed, strangely enough Remus hadn't uttered a word of protest. It seemed that Sirius wasn't the only one who had not been left unscathed by the events of the day.

Remus breathed out in a long sigh. ''It was a long day. And I know that it can't have been easy for you today. The Aurors. And Umbridge... but... I really wish you would stop to think before you act now and then. Do you know what kind of story the Ministry would have made out of it if you had stepped through that door? They would have said that you had tried to escape! That it was evidence of your guilt. And then what about-''

''I know, Remus. Okay?''

''You always do that. You just act without thinking about the consequences.''

''Maybe I just don't _care _about the consequences,'' Sirius said glaring at his friend.

Remus shook his head. ''I don't think so. What about the Christmas fair?''

Sirius frowned. ''What are you talking about?''

''You took Harry to the Christmas fair, risking getting caught. You can't tell me you didn't care about that.''

Sirius' eyes shimmered in amusement. ''So am I getting that right, you are mad at me for making it easier for you to find us?''

''I'm just saying it was totally irresponsible!"

Sirius nodded, looking as if he gave that thought proper consideration. ''And you mean that as a convict on the run, it would have been my duty to act more responsibly?''

''You had Harry to think about!''

''Oh, yeah, rule number 14 of the kidnapper's handbook. Always see that you are hiding your hostage properly. It's the responsible thing to do.''

''I won't let you get away with sarcasm. It was totally you. You want something, or think it's fun, you simply act. You never stop to think. You just do it.''

''Actually there are a lot of things I think are fun, that I don't do. And _yes_, it it because I thought about it before. You just never find out about _those_.''

Remus only answer was raising his left eyebrow. And topping up his whiskey glass. Sirius wasn't sure if that was such a good idea. Remus had never been good at holding his liquor.

His face grew serious. ''He had never been, Remus. He had never had any fun. I thought it would be safe with all those Muggles. And you wouldn't have found us if you hadn't already known about the cabin. We managed to shake you off, didn't we, _Moony_? How did you do it by the way? If you didn't know where the cabin was...''

''I flooed.''

''Oh,'' Sirius looked taken aback. ''So why hadn't you done that in the first place?''

''I didn't know if the fireplace was connected. I couldn't even be that sure that it existed.''

Sirius eyes grew huge. ''What! You flooed to a place you didn't know existed? You didn't know if you could come through? You wanna tell me again about being _irresponsible_!''

''At least I only risked my own life,'' Remus mumbled, but Sirius had heard and immediately lost his amusement.

''What's that supposed to mean? When have I ever risked another person's life? Harry was never at risk!''

Remus waved his hand. ''Forget it.''

But Sirius wasn't that easily appeased. ''No. Tell me when have I risked another person's life just for fun and out of recklessness!''

Remus looked at him, and there was something hidden in his eyes, like an old pain. ''Severus,'' he said quietly.

Sirius froze. For a long moment neither of them spoke. ''Yeah,'' Sirius finally said. ''I see what you mean.'' He drained his glass and set it down on the table. ''I'm tired. I think I am going to bed.'' He stood up stiffly and nodded towards Remus, not meeting his eyes. ''Good night, Remus.''

''Good night...''

Remus watched Sirius walk up the stairs, feeling uneasy. It wasn't like what he had said wasn't true, was it? So why was he feeling guilty? He had been the injured party. His trust had been betrayed. His calamity Sirius had attempted to use. His life had been risked too. His and that of Severus Snape.

_Agony. Pain piercing him to the very core of his being. There is nothing else. There is only pain. Pain is his world, and for a moment he wonders why he is surprised. He knows the pain. He has been here before. There was such pain before but not for a long time. Not like this. And there is something else. Something is different. _

_He moans._

_'He is waking up.'_

_'Do you think he remembers?'_

_'I don't know. Don't push him Pete.'_

_Two voices but he is waiting for a third. Someone is missing. Gentle hands. Whispered words. Why isn't he here?_

_'Wh-what...?' he croaks._

_'It's alright. You're gonna be alright Moony. It was a tough one.'_

_James. His voice... relief and... anger. A thought tickles his mind. Something must have happened. No... something _has _happened. He remembers... rage. Unbelievable rage. Wanting to tear, wanting to rip. And a scent. Human scent._

_His eyes pop open. The light hurts but he doesn't care. Everything hurts but he doesn't care. James face is sporting an ugly bruising scratch. _

_'No!' he moans. 'Please... no!' He struggles to sit up. _

_'Shhh, Moony. Don't move. You've lost a lot of blood. Madame Pomfrey-'_

_'Have I- ?'_

_Fear. Unbelievable terror. Where is Sirius? Why is Sirius not here? Please, not Sirius._

_'You will have to stay another night at least,' James says._

_'Sirius!' he chokes the name out like a sob._

_James face darkens in anger. Oh, dear Merlin, please no! _

_'He is with Dumbledore.' _

_Not dead then, is he? Not dead, but..._

_'He's not-... I haven't bitten him?_'

_'What? No! You haven't bitten anyone.'_

_'But. I remember... the wolf, he was angry. There was someone there.'_

_James nods jerkily. 'There was. Severus. Sirius told him how to get to the Shack.'_

_And that is when the bottom drops away and he is falling, screaming, into the blackness. All the pain becomes background noise as his heart breaks into a thousand pieces._

Remus put his head in his hands. He had to let it go. It had been such a long time ago, they had been kids and Sirius... had been reckless. He had not meant anything by it. He had not _thought_. And nothing had happened. Well, not what _could _have happened. Severus had tried to sneak to the Shack, but James had pulled him back at the last moment. Before Remus, before the wolf could... And Sirius had regretted it, he knew that he must have regretted it. Otherwise he wouldn't have gone so far. Nearly too far.

_Sirius on the bathroom tiles. The bloody mess of his wrists. _

Had he thought that one through? Remus wasn't sure which answer he would like better. That Sirius had been horribly reckless and by that had almost killed himself, or that Sirius had known what he was doing. That Sirius had wanted to die.

-xox-

The room was dark apart from the soft silver moonlight falling on the sheets. Sirius stood silently and motionless, staring out on the nightly fields and forests stretching out behind Remus' cottage. It looked peaceful, the moonlight, always so peaceful. There had been other nights like this, when he stared out into the night. Being trapped in his room, like an animal in its cage. He'd been alone. Always alone. When he was lucky.

The moon and the stars. Once they had been nighttime companions to a little boy lost in the dark. Then he met Remus, and the moon became an adversary. An enemy, hurting his friend, while hanging out there uncaring and cold. But they had been together and sworn to never give in. They had turned the tables and had found a way to outsmart fate and turn misery into fun. They had been the kings of their universe. But then everything had changed in just one night. A night with a full moon looming in the sky once again. Not that he had seen it.

No, he had been deep down in the dungeons of Hogwarts Castle that night. And there had not been a day since then that he had not wished he hadn't. That he had not tried to sneak into Slughorn's potions cabinet. Had not been _caught_ by Slughorn sneaking into his potions cabinet. Had not gotten detention to be served at the next party of the Slug Club. Had not set real slugs on a few of the more annoying members and had not strolled back through the corridors afterwards, grinning and feeling invincible. Had not been so damn carefree.

The tides had turned in the blink of an eye when he had suddenly been surrounded.

He pressed his eyes closed against the memories. A dark corridor. The hands holding him. The laughter. The sharp pain and the other things. The feeling of angry shame. Fighting and struggling and hissing. All in vain. Blood rushing in his ears. And Snivellus. Mocking him. And Lucius... No. Couldn't think about it.

But that night, everything had changed. Masks were ripped away and the two personae, he so carefully had separated, blurred and blended and became an ugly mess of limbs and flesh. And he wouldn't beg. And whatever they said, he would not shed a tear. Oh, and didn't they try to make him...

He had not wanted anyone to die. Or even come close to. Had he? Maybe there had been a moment. When he had been lying there unable to move. But never like that. He would never have wanted to hurt Remus. All he had ever wanted was to protect him. He still did. But once more, just like in that night so long ago, things were being taken out of his hands and he was powerlessly watching the events unfold.

It couldn't happen again. Remus. He had to keep him safe. And what ever he said, it didn't matter one bit, because Remus had forgiven him. He had said so.

TBC

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**Reviewers Anonymous: the lethargic lemur lover: **There were a few accidental ''aw''s from my part too when I read your review. ;) I'm sorry for causing you embarrassment, but I'm glad you feel it's worth it. Thank you very much and I'm looking forward to more lethargic reviews. **Tara: **Thank you for letting me know! Hopefully you will keep enjoying. :) **BloOm: **You scare me girl, you really do! (*whisper: you can't read minds, can you?*). About your request, not sure I can grant that. We aren't that far yet, but if we get there I will explain my reasons. Glad to feed your Harry/Sirius addiction though. Not much in this chapter, but more to come. Also more of the evil guys. Bisous! **Bluemoon: **Stop! You 'll make me blush. Really, thank you, that's exactly what I try to do! **HebHibHob: **Hurray, you've reviewed *happy/silly dance* Lol! Thank you! Spot on about Umbridge! Though I disagree a little about Lucius. The man is a sick f*** but he's (unfortunately) not stupid. And every child growing up with such a father deserves _some_ pity. Glad you liked Harry's outbreak and the ''Dumbeldorian'' speech. Great expression! :) **Roonil Wazlib: **Thank you for the full marks! :) And aren't we all suckers for some Sirius/Harry cuddling? **Mia: **Thank you! Glad you agree about the Veritaserum. And your wishes were heard. ;) Lots of Sirius & Remus this chapter, hope you liked it! **Popsy: **Totally on your page. Sacrificing Sirius was a CRIME! Lol. Not gonna happen! :) **read addiction: **Thank you for reassuring me! And in such a beautiful way. I'm happy you like the insight into the characters. We will get to the bottom one day!


	13. Pride

**A/N: **You have no idea how I fought for you to get this together. My dear friend **jogger** could tell you a thing or two about it. She had to endure endless moaning and complaining, with short interjections of 'Yay! I managed to write... like... half a page... almost...sob!' (And you'll never know how much I love you for _not_ telling me to go and stuff it, darling!). But in the end, well actually Monday night to Tuesday evening, I braved writers depression and the muse strolled in, casually asking if she had missed anything. So I hope you like it.

A big thank you to **ambush99** who once more worked her magic on this one, even so it was a really belated birthday present. I'll try to do better for Christmas, honey!

And a big thank you to **Herbologist**, who made a great sketch for this story! Please go and take a look at her beautiful work. You'll find the link on my profile.

A last warning: Seriously long chapter ahead! Also you might want to grab some tissues. jogger cried, and apparently she's not a crier! Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 12 - Pride **

Under a nearly full moon, playing hide and seek with the thick clouds travelling through the night sky, a small boy was lying in his bed, unable to sleep. So many feelings were wreaking havoc and confusion in his chest. The day had been like a never ending roller-coaster ride, and his eyelids felt like lead now, but sleep still didn't come. Harry was so happy that he had been able to be with Sirius again. He was sad that he had not been able to stay with him. Scared, of what the other wizards had said and done to his godfather, or would in the future. And finally worried that he might get in trouble for breaking the rules in the court room. He had not wanted to do something bad, he just had not been able to listen to that mean pink lady telling all those lies about his godfather anymore.

And the worst was that he really wanted to tell someone. He wanted to tell that he had seen his godfather, that he had talked to Sirius, that Sirius had hugged him and held him. Well, maybe not that. He was sure at least Fred and George would mock him for that. But he couldn't anyway. He had promised Mr. Kingsley not to say anything about how he had been allowed to see Sirius because, really, he wasn't. It had to be a secret, Harry understood that. And still it was the one thing he was almost bursting to share.

When they had arrived back at the Weasleys' in the early evening, and stepped out of the fireplace and into the homely kitchen, they had immediately been surrounded by the rest of the Weasley children and, while Bill and Mr Weasley were interrogated by Mrs Weasley, Harry was dragged into the farthest corner for their own game of questioning.

''So did you see _Sirius_?'' Ron had asked, still a little awed at being on first-name-bases with a famous supposed murderer but actually innocent ex-convict. _So cool!_

''Did they interrogate him? What did he tell them?'' Ginny went for the obvious questions.

''Were there Dementors?'' Unlike her brother.

''Did Dumbledore hex them?'' And his twin.

''Ehm... no, no Dementors. Just some really mean lady, asking questions and stuff,'' Harry had mumbled nervously, looking down at his shoes. He had been afraid that they would see the truth in his eyes.

''But Dumbledore and Remus totally knocked the stuffing out of her, didn't they?''

For once Mrs Weasley's clucking had come as a blessing, because her announcement that dinner would be served early, and sending her children off for tasks like setting the table and washing their hands, had saved Harry from talking himself into a corner without a clue how to get out of it again.

Now Harry was lying in the semi-darkness. And he wanted to pull his blankets over his head and wish, _wish _with all his might_, _like he had done in his cupboard a lifetime ago, for the fairy tale to come true. He wanted to cross his fingers and pray and sit on the windowsill to look out for a shooting star. He just wanted it to become real. It had felt so real today. And now he was back in his bed at the Weasleys', and he was afraid that it had been nothing but a dream.

''Harry?'' Ron's voice came out of the darkness.

Harry hesitated, wondering if he should pretend to be asleep. But how could he, when he felt like there were bubbles in his stomach?

''Yes?'' he asked uncertainly.

''I know Mum told us not to ask... but,'' Ron's voice was equally unsure, ''how was it,... seeing your godfather I mean?''

Harry smiled in the darkness. ''It was great.''

''And do you think... that he will get free now?''

Harry bit his lip. It was all he wanted, but he was scared of getting his hopes up. How could he expect that good and wonderful things would really happen to him, Harry, and that they wouldn't be taken away again. It seemed too good to come true.

''Harry?'' Ron raised up on his elbows. ''Do you think he will he get off? Did they say when it was over?''

''I'm not sure... we didn't stay till the end.''

''You didn't? Why not?''

''Ehm...'' Harry was fidgeting with his blanket, glad that Ron couldn't see his face.

''I bet Dad made you leave...'' Ron mused. ''Anyway... I bet he gets free now!''

''Yeah. He will.'' Harry tried to sound certain, far more certain than he felt.

Ron was silent for a moment.

''What do you think will happen then? I mean, will you go live with him?''

''Sirius promised that I could.''

''So, you don't want to stay here?'' Ron asked and his voice sounded a little disappointed once more. ''Maybe you could stay and live with us, and still visit your godfather. Mum said that she wants you to become part of the family. She asked us today what we would think about her and Dad adopting you, and we would all be totally fine with it. You could still share a room with me, that would be cool, wouldn't it?''

Harry suddenly felt like there wasn't enough air in the room. He liked Ron, and he also liked the other Weasley children. But as much as he always had wanted a family of his own, this wasn't the right one. He had already found his family. But of course he wouldn't get a say in this, would he?

He couldn't help it, tears were starting to prickle in his eyes. He was such a horrible boy. He _knew_, he should be grateful, after all Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia had always said, that _nobody _wanted him. That he was a burden. He sniffled.

''Harry?'' Ron whispered dismayed. ''Did I say something wrong?''

Harry shook his head, but of course Ron couldn't see it. ''No,'' he mumbled into his pillow.

''But... you don't want to...''

Harry didn't answer.

Then there was rustling and the padding of naked feet, and then Harry's mattress sagged as Ron sat down next to him. Harry sat up, wiping his arm over his eyes. For a moment the two boys just sat watching each other.

''I never had a dad, you know,'' Harry whispered after a while. ''I mean, I had parents, but they died when I was very small and I can't remember them. So they are kind of unreal. My aunt and uncle never wanted me. They didn't even like me, really. But when Sirius showed up, that all changed. And when we lived in his cabin, it was the best time of my life. I wish that it could be like that again. I wish that Sirius could be my dad.'' Harry looked up at his new, his first, friend. ''Are you angry?''

Ron shook his head.

''And...if I did stay with Sirius, we could still be friends, couldn't we?''

''Yeah. Of course.'' Ron replied, but his voice held a trace of insecurity.

''Are you... you're really not angry with me?''

Ron shook his head again. ''No. Don't be stupid. I just don't know what my Mum would say. Just, because... well, you know how she doesn't like Black... I mean, Sirius.''

''Oh.''

''But that doesn't mean we couldn't be friends.''

Harry sighed and nodded. ''Can you keep a secret?''

''Sure. I promised I wouldn't tell on you, didn't I?''

''I met him,'' Harry breathed.

''Whom?''

''Sirius.''

''Well, yeah, I know.''

''No. There was a break, and one of the Aurors let Bill and me into his room.''

''Really? So you did talk to him?''

Harry nodded, smiling at Ron's astonished face.

''And? What did he say?''

Harry blushed slightly, remembering what Sirius had said and asked about Ron's parents. He'd better not say anything about that to his friend.

And then Sirius had said that he loved Harry, but he felt reluctant to share that with his friend as well.

''We didn't have much time to talk. It was just, you know... asking me how I was and stuff. Telling me that he'll try everything to get out and that we can be together again then. But... he hugged me and... it was just... it felt really good to be close to him, you know.'' Harry's blush deepened, but thankfully that too remained hidden from Ron in the dark.

Ron smiled at him. ''That's so cool! That you got to see him and all. I wish I could have gone with you and Bill.''

''Yeah. But it has to stay a secret or we could all get in trouble. And maybe then I won't be able to see him again,'' he looked at the redhead imploringly.

''I won't tell! Cross my heart and hope to die!''

Harry smiled back at him as a warm feeling spread in his belly, hearing the promise and easy acceptance of his friend. Suddenly he felt a lot better. It felt so good to have told someone, to be able to share at least a little bit of his overwhelming feelings. The tension that had taken hold of his whole body left him, leaving him feeling drained and really sleepy. Harry snuggled deeper under his blankets and watched Ron's tousled head move back to the opposite side of the room and his own bed.

Just before sleep finally claimed his consciousness, something nudged his brain like a cold fish, but he was out before he could grab it, and he fell into a slightly uneasy dream, where a blond boy was lurking in the shadows of the forest, staring at him, while Sirius was trying to teach him how to fly loops on a broom. And every time Harry wanted to kick off, his broom vanished leaving him instead with Aunt Petunia's mop and Mrs. Weasley tousling his hair, telling him that he would understand when he was older.

-xox-

When Sirius came down into the kitchen the next morning, Remus looked as bleary eyed as the man Sirius had met in the mirror that morning. Seemed he hadn't been the only one who'd had a sleepless night. Then again it could have been the Firewhiskey in Remus' case.

The atmosphere was strange, somewhere between awkward and familiar. There were mumbled good mornings but no eye-contact. Remus was occupying himself with two pans full of eggs and French Toast. A pot of tea and cups were already on the table and Sirius sat down gingerly, pouring one for himself just to have something to do and something to hold on to.

''There was an owl from Albus just now. I'll meet him at eleven o'clock.''

''Okay.''

''Is there... is there anything you want me to tell Harry from you?''

''I wrote him another letter.'' Sirius pulled a creamy envelope out of his pocket. ''I thought you could maybe give it to him.''

''Of course.'' Remus placed a plate in front of Sirius '' And about the testimony? Anything you want me to tell him particularly?''

Sirius sighed, stabbing the French Toast. ''I don't know. I'm still not sure if it is even right to ask him. Harry is so eager to please, so unfamiliar with considering his own wishes and needs. And I'm not sure... if he'll understand what testifying in court does involve. I'm not sure if he will be able to handle it. I want to protect him, and I know he trusts me to do so, and in that room... I can't. If Umbridge tortures him with her questions, I won't be able to stop her!''

''I know that you are concerned about him, Sirius, of course you are. But I think you might worry too much about Umbridge. She's an awful old hag, but she won't question Harry like she did you. In the eyes of the spectators and the Wizengamot you are the murder suspect. She can be as nasty as she wants. But Harry is a cute, innocent, little boy, the saviour of us all, she can't afford to be anything but kind to him, or she'll lose all sympathy with the court.''

Sirius shook his head. ''I'm not afraid that she will be harsh with him, Remus. There are other ways to hurt him. What if she twists his words around like she did with me? What if it doesn't work and I'm still convicted? Harry will blame himself! That's too much responsibility for him.''

Remus stirred his tea, exuding calmness. ''That's why he won't carry it alone. I will testify too.''

''Yeah, but... just _talking _about what happened at his aunt and uncle's house, what they did to him, how he was treated... It is hard to speak about these kinds of things to anyone, but to bare them in front of a bunch of strangers... to have people _know_. It changes things, Remus. You feel that they are looking at you differently. Like you are damaged. When Harry grows up, it will be difficult enough for him. Everyone knows him, he's like a celebrity, and he doesn't understand that yet. That's so far from his own view of himself, he can't even imagine. And now you want him to stand up and make himself even more of an object to gossip and ogling?''

''I want for Harry to have his dearest wish come true!'' Remus looked at him determined. ''And believe it or not, Padfoot, that's you. Living with you. Having you as his parent. And that's why I think we should let him have a say in this.''

''He is an eight year old boy!'' Sirius argued, waving his toast in the air. ''How can you expect him to make that kind of decision, when he can't even begin to understand the consequences?''

''I believe he understands one consequence all too well. You promised him you wouldn't die. But you know that is a possible outcome if we lose this trial, don't you?'' Remus paused. ''Don't you think it will hurt Harry more than anything else, if he lost you?''

Sirius' fork stabbed at a stubborn piece of bacon with more force than necessary. ''I only had him with me for a few months. I was the first person to be kind to him. It's natural that he glorifies me,'' he mumbled. ''But... if it comes to the worst. I know you and Albus and the Weasleys will take care of him.''

''You really are an idiot, Padfoot! It's _you_ Harry needs. He has learned to trust you against all odds. If he loses you now, how can he ever open himself to the possibility of receiving love and kindness, how can he ever open his own heart again? It might not be easy for him to talk about the abuse. But afterwards you will be there for him to talk and comfort and reassure.''

There was silence for a long moment after Remus' passionate speech. Finally Sirius put his cutlery down and faced his friend across the table. ''Against all odds, huh? You are very eager for me to become Harry's parent, in regard of how irresponsible you think I am,'' he said calmly, but there was a hint of accusation.

Remus knife screeched over his plate.

Sirius winced.

''I never meant to say that you are not fit for the job of raising Harry. I told you before that you did marvellously,'' Remus said, his voice trying to stay calm, his eyes glued to his plate.

''You are not going to say anything about yesterday evening, are you?'' Sirius finally asked bluntly.

''I don't want to fight.''

''No. You never want that. You'd rather avoid the issue.''

''There is not always benefit in storming in and taking the bull by the horns.''

''Why not? Hushing it up and ignoring it helps no one.''

''Oh, that is rich!'' Remus scoffed and fixed him across the table, his eyes glaring.

''What is?''

''_That _coming from _you_, Mr. Secret Keeper!''

They actually both flinched.

Sirius swallowed, bowing his head, while Remus angry look turned to regretful.

''I... I didn't mean it like that. I didn't-... I meant-''

''Yeah,'' Sirius nodded. ''I know what you meant.''

''I do believe you didn't-''

''I know.''

Sirius looked at him and Remus saw that his friend hadn't misunderstood. Feeling uncomfortable, he watched Sirius studying him.

''You know when you told me that I wouldn't have killed Dursley because I'm not a murderer?''

Remus frowned but nodded.

''How can you say that, when you think I tried to kill Snape at the tender age of sixteen?''

-xox-

It had been a valid question, Remus had to admit that. But he didn't really believe that Sirius had _wanted _Severus to die exactly. The problem was, that he didn't know what to believe. He didn't want to believe that Sirius had given away his secret just for the hell of it. A secret that he and his friends had managed to protect for over four years. So why had Sirius given Severus exactly what he had wanted... it didn't make sense.

Remus pondered over the past as he walked up the now familiar path to the Burrow once more. The temperatures had dropped again and the brown grass was crisp with frost under his feet. He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering, and buried his hands in his armpits. His cloak was so old and worn that not even a heating charm did much good these days. And, no, he had not brought gloves. Remus glared at the mental picture of his friend smiling amused and knowingly.

On the doorstep he hesitated. He didn't know why he hesitated, although it probably was just Albus. Meeting with Albus always made him wonder if he had his shirttails tucked in. With a resigned sigh he rang the bell.

The door was opened by no one else but an overly enthusiastic Molly Weasley ushering him in. Albus had not arrived yet. Of course not. Molly had apparently no idea of the reasons for their visit. Trust Albus to be vague there as well. Well _he_ wouldn't elaborate, and luckily he didn't need to, since he immediately was surrounded by an excited bunch of kids calling his name and dragging him off.

In the end things worked out better and worse than he thought. Albus arrived shortly after him and he was spared the task of explaining about Harry. But not to Harry. No, that was the task he had been given, explicitly, personally, by Sirius himself. Harry was excited and nervous. Worried about being punished for his behaviour, eager to hear from Sirius and to be able to do anything to help.

''I... I want to help. I can tell them how it really was! That I wanted to go with Sirius and that he was always good to me. Do you think they will let me, Remus?''

''With Albus' influence they are likely to accept your testimony Harry. But... Sirius and I both want you, need you, to understand what that will involve. Sirius, he wasn't all that happy about the idea of you testifying.''

''Why not?'' Harry asked, looking disappointed.

''Because they will ask you about the Dursleys, Harry. Are you prepared to speak about that?''

Harry's eyes became uncertain. ''T-the Dursleys? What do I have to say?''

''The people in the Wizengamot will want to know how it was to live with them. How they treated you.''

''Will I have to tell them that I was bad?''

Remus' breath caught, and he saw Sirius in front of him, telling him that suffering because you were a werewolf was different from suffering because you were abused by your parents. Because being a werewolf was _not your fault_.

''Harry, Sirius told you that your aunt and uncle were wrong and bad to treat you like they did, didn't he? That they had no right to hit you, or lock you in that cupboard or say all those horrible things to you. That there was nothing you did, nothing you _could _have done to ever deserve this?''

Harry nodded hesitantly.

''And that's all you have to tell. No one will think you are bad, okay? They will see that the Dursleys are bad. I know you must feel uncomfortable to speak about what happened. But it is important that the people in the court understand that Sirius _had_ to take you out of there. That it would have been dangerous for you to stay there, and that he had no other choice but to take you with him to protect you.''

Harry bowed his head. ''Okay. I- I will tell them.''

Remus reached out and stroked over the boy's hair. ''You just have to remember that you are safe now, Harry. Your aunt and uncle can't hurt you anymore.''

''Okay.''

''Do you have any other questions?''

Harry looked at him hesitantly.

''What is it, Harry?''

''When I tell them that... about the Dursleys... then they will let Sirius go?''

Remus looked at the boy's hopeful face, feeling a bit uncomfortable himself now. ''It is our best chance. I will testify too. And then we will just have to hope that we all together can convince them.''

Harry nodded. ''And when they let Sirius go... what will happen then? Afterwards I mean. What will happen to me?''

-x-

It was that thought that had occupied Harry's mind since he had woken early this morning, long before the sky had even started to light up, announcing the approaching sunrise. Ron had still been snoring softly, and something his friend had said the previous evening had fluttered through his mind, demanding attention.

_''Mum wants you to become part of the family. She asked us what we would think about her and Dad adopting you.''_

Mrs Weasley wanted to adopt him. Mrs Weasley, who hated his godfather so much, he couldn't speak his name out loud. Adoption. All Harry knew about that was from a movie he had seen on the TV at Mrs Figg's a few weeks before Sirius had shown up. It was about a girl who had been adopted by her parents as a baby. She had not known that and when she found out she went looking for her real mother. She found out the address and went to the trailer park where her mother lived. But in the end she turned around without having met her, and returned home to tell the couple who had adopted her that they were her real parents because they had always loved her and taken care of her.

Harry had been very angry with the girl. If _his_ mother had been alive and he could have talked to her, he would have. He wanted to scream 'If you don't want her, give her to me!' It just had seemed so unfair.

Now it seemed Harry found himself with a similar excess supply. There were the Weasleys who wanted to adopt him, and there was Sirius who was his godfather and wanted Harry to live with him. Did that mean that when the Weasleys adopted Harry, he too would be expected to turn his back on Sirius and stay with them and never see Sirius again? Or would he be allowed to choose? Harry doubted it. No one ever asked his opinion about these kinds of things.

So if the Weasleys adopted him they would become his real parents, and that would be that. He wouldn't be allowed to live with Sirius. There wouldn't be pancakes for breakfast and flying lessons. There wouldn't be games of chase with Padfoot through the forest and hot chocolate in front of the fire place with Sirius' arm around his shoulders and the deep voice of his godfather reading to him until he fell asleep. There wouldn't be Sirius, and that was a thought that made Harry feel sick.

Now he looked at Remus' warm brown eyes that were narrowed slightly in a frown.

''Ron said, Mrs Weasley wants to a-adopt me,'' Harry whispered.

Remus eyes widened in surprise and then flew to the door that led to the kitchen, where the murmur of voices from the Weasleys and Albus Dumbledore could be heard.

''Ehm, well that's nice of her, isn't it?'' Remus smiled at him, but it seemed forced.

Harry's heart started to beat faster. ''But... w-what about Sirius?'' he asked even more faintly.

Remus obviously was uncomfortable now. ''Well, Sirius is your godfather, and I know he wants to take care of you when he becomes free. But there are regulations, you see. You have to apply to the Ministry for the guardianship or an adoption. Sirius can do that as soon as he is acquitted, and I'm sure... he's your godfather after all, so that will be taken into account. And he has lots of money, so providing for you won't be a problem either. I... I'm sure we will be able to sort it all out. You don't have to worry, Harry, okay?''

Harry nodded, but his worries remained. He had thought that Sirius just had to get free and then they would be together again. He had hoped that his fears would turn out to be unnecessary. But Remus seemed anything but sure that Harry could actually really be with Sirius once he was released.

''I brought you another letter from him,'' Remus said and it almost sounded like an apology.

With slightly shaking hands Harry reached for the envelope.

''Best wait to open it until you're alone later, okay?''

''Okay.''

Harry wistfully tucked the envelope into his waistband, pulling his sweater over it.

-x-

When Remus stepped back into the kitchen, he was faced with an outraged Molly and a resigned looking Arthur, standing on the opposite side of the large wooden table and staring down at Albus Dumbledore, who calmly sat and stirred his tea. The werewolf had just decided to retreat and talk some more with Harry, when the old Headmaster addressed him without breaking eye-contact with the Weasleys.

''Ah, Remus, please, come and join us.''

Remus suppressed the sigh that wanted to escape his lips and remained hovering near the door, unsure how explosive the state of the conversation was at the moment. He had made the mistake of interpreting the silence that had fallen in the kitchen to mean that an agreement had been reached. It didn't exactly look like that was the case though.

''Sit down Remus, have some tea,'' Albus said much too happily for an invitation to come hither into the lion's den.

The younger wizard glared at the jolly man across the table. But he sat. He had the uneasy feeling of being utilized as some kind of cushioning charm, and he really wasn't in the mood for that. His joints were already starting to hurt as the full moon was drawing closer and he felt his temper sliding into irritable. It wasn't a good time to act as a go between.

Molly seemingly automatically handed him a cup of tea, which he accepted with a thankful nod. But her fussing didn't seem to distract her, since she immediately faced the older wizard again.

''Albus, you've told me you have your reasons for speaking in the defence of that m-... _Black_. You've told me you have your reasons for leaving Harry in our care and not taking him back to his relatives. And I have accepted that without a word...''

Remus coughed,

''...But Harry is part of our family now, it is our job to look out for him. And now you come and tell me you want Harry to testify in favour of a murderer, and expect me to just understand that _you __have your reasons_?''

''That is correct.''

''Well, if you could just elaborate what in Merlin's great name those reasons are!''

''I told you, it is important for the defence.''

''I don't care about the defence of Sirius Black!'' Molly cried.

''But you should.'' Albus lost some of his cheerfulness and put on his serious face. ''We all should try to challenge our own believes and strive to find the truth_._ Can't you open your mind to new possibilities, Molly?''

''No.''

All eyes turned to Remus, when he spoke up for the first time since he had come into the kitchen.

''You can't,'' Remus went on, facing Molly Weasley. ''And why should you? You have no reasons to care about Sirius Black. But Harry does. However much some of us might dislike it, Harry cares about Sirius. And if he isn't allowed to tell his side of the story and Sirius gets convicted and _executed_, Harry will always blame himself. He will always think he could have changed something and didn't. Harry has been helpless all his life, at the mercy of others who more often than not did not even have his best interest at heart. You want to adopt him. Don't you?''

Molly blinked at him surprised. ''How do you... well, yes. We haven't made any arrangements yet, but we were planning to.''

Remus nodded like that was exactly what he had expected her to say, but wasn't very impressed. ''And if you want to become Harry's mother, I know you will put Harry's needs before your own resentment, won't you? And I'm sure you can see that what Harry needs, is for once to be taken seriously. For once to be allowed his own opinion. And maybe for once to be actually asked what _he_ wants!'' He stood up abruptly. ''Thank you for the tea. I have to go now. I have another appointment today.''

And with that Remus turned on his heels and stormed out of the kitchen and out of the house.

When he stumbled down the path, his breath was coming in ragged gasps and he felt slightly sick to his stomach. He needed to get home. He needed to rest. Why had he said that? What exactly had it been that he had said? That he had wanted to say? He just had felt so angry suddenly. Harry was so... and everybody else was so... and Molly... Molly wanted to take his cub! How dare she? How dare she come in and take what didn't belong to her?

Remus shook his head. What was he thinking? He needed to get home. On the other hand home meant Sirius, and he wasn't sure if facing Sirius right now was a good idea. He would probably yell at him. Or even worse, he would tell him about Molly's plans. Or Sirius would want to talk about stuff, and... oh, shit, how had everything become so complicated?

Not home then. And not anywhere where he was prone to meet people.

He needed some solitude. And something familiar.

He pressed his eyes closed and apparated. His body was pressed and tugged and smashed through something too tight, making him even more nauseous.

He stumbled onto a muddy patch of grass, flecked with snow. In front of him stretched the icy waters of a lake, and on the other end grey walls and towers rose impossibly high. But before them, not far from the shore, on a hill, stood the symbol of his downfall, stretching its bare branches into the overcast sky.

-xox-

Lucius Malfoy was sitting behind his desk in his study. This very place was where he felt most at home in the world. The huge mahogany desk had belonged to a long line of ancestors and represented the tradition and wealth of the Malfoy family. Large, plush carpets spoke of luxury, and the tomes and artefacts on the shelves exuded the air of power. The study was the heart of the manor and the centre of Lucius very own, carefully woven net of bribery, influence and machinations.

And now that nasty little _bug_, which had annoyed him for longer than he cared to remember, would finally get caught in that very net. He was a cock-roach, not even worthy to soil Lucius' soles when he scrunched him under his foot. He wouldn't call him his arch-enemy because he was too low for that. He was a blood-traitor, who had spit into the face of everything Lucius had learned to hold up from the moment he was born. The little louse had always thought he was above them all, had thought himself better. Better than Lucius. And Lucius had sworn he would prove that vermin to be wrong and rub his nose in it until he suffocated.

_It was Christmas 1965, and his mother was giving one of her soiree. Persephone Malfoy was a famous hostess, and so every detail was in place, creating a glittering, sparkling world of grandeur. Lucius watched the guests arrive from the upper hall balcony. His dress-robes were as immaculate as his silver-blond hair, and his features hid his boredom perfectly. He knew what was expected of him._

_The new arrivals were Orion Black with his wife. Important guests. He had learned all about the important members of wizard high society from an early age. Lucius' eyes were already drifting further when a boy stepped out from behind Walburga Black, drawing his attention back to the family. He was small and slender, and couldn't be older than six or seven years. He had the elegant features of all the Blacks and dark, glossy hair that seemed to run in the family. And still there was something different about him. Maybe it was the stubborn setting of his chin, or the unlimited curiosity in his eyes. _

_Lucius sneered. He was just a brat._

_Lucius had started his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy that September and he had already become the best in his class, just like his father expected of him, after all, Malfoys were always the best in everything they did. Malfoys didn't fail. Even at eleven years of age Lucius knew that was the most important thing to remember. He was better than others, because he was the heir to the House of Malfoy._

_Dinner was exquisite and accompanied by pleasant conversation. Many of the guests inquired about his school work and how he was fairing at Hogwarts. Lucius answered eloquently and with the cool charm he always observed in his father. The wizards and witches were delighted and Lucius saw his father looking at him benevolently. So when the men relocated to the smoking room after dinner, Lucius had already forgotten about the Black boy, when he caught sight of him in a corner, scowling slightly at nothing in particular. _

_His father had been in deep conversation with Orion Black the whole evening and now they stood together in front of the fire place talking about politics and finances. _

_''I really can't believe those idiotic Goblins,'' his father was saying just now. ''Dragons! Just imagine the security risk if one would ever escape! It's not like we still have a natural population in England, and that has its reasons.''_

_''You know how it is. Ever since they gained full control over Gringotts again they behave like they actually have something to say about how this country is run. The Ministry has to take action soon.''_

_''One can only hope they will.'' And then his father turned towards Lucius. ''It is a shame that the Ministry gave up control over such an important institution. How long has it been, that the Goblins ruled over Gringotts again? Lucius?''_

_Lucius was used to these kinds of questions. As the Malfoy heir, great things were expected of him. His father liked to show him off, and Lucius was eager to please._

_''It's been exactly one hundred years,'' he answered smugly. _

_His father nodded approvingly and everybody else turned around at him with mild curiosity. _

_"Very good. And when was the breeding of dragons outlawed in Britain?''_

_''1709, by the Warlock's Convention.'' _

_Abraxas Malfoy smiled proudly and clapped him on the shoulder. A few of the guests clapped too._

_''And do you know as well, when the Ministry finally passed the decree to prevent those nasty Goblin buggers from carrying a wand?'' someone else asked. _

_''1630,'' Lucius answered quickly, but from the corner of his eye he saw his father frown._

_''Do you think he is right about that, Sirius?'' Orion Black asked, raising his voice but not looking at his son. The other guests stepped aside, and turned towards the beautiful black-haired boy. So his name was Sirius. _

_The boy took a step forwards, his face expressionless. ''No, father. It was in 1631,'' he said and his voice sounded much too adult for such a small child._

_Orion Black grinned gleefully, and his father's smile was cold as ice._

_''What can I say, Abraxas. The brilliance of the Blacks,'' Orion remarked casually. _

_''You've started rather early with him, haven't you?'' _

_''I don't hold much value in pampering the boy. He is the future Head of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black. You don't expect me to entrust his education to that old fool Dumbledore, do you?''_

_''Of course not. Lucius has been tutored himself since he was six years old.''_

_''Well, let's see what he can do,'' Orion spread his hands in a gesture of invitation._

_Abraxas raised one of his eyebrows and pulled out his wand, handing it to Lucius. _

_Lucius straightened his stance. The other guests had formed a circle around the two men and their sons. Lucius raised his father's wand, wishing he had his own, but he didn't let a trace of doubt show._

_''Accio Christmas Roses!'' he called, and the bouquet came flying off the mantel straight into his hands._

_The audience clapped graciously, and Abraxas looked at Orion in expectation. The other man turned around to his son, handing him his own wand. _

_Without any ado, the boy stepped forward and, before Lucius could react, directed it at the flowers._

"_Dimunendo!" he called, and the flowers shrunk until they fit into Lucius' palm, like a piece of jewellery. _

_There were gasps and murmurs before the guests clapped enthusiastically. Lucius looked up from his palm to the boy in front of him, barely coming up to his chest. Never had he expected a mere child like that... but he would not let himself be bested. _

„_Engorgio!" he called, and the plants started growing until they were twice their original size. _

_There was another round of applause and this time Sirius took the oddly disproportioned flowers from Lucius, before he directed his father's wand at them again._

_''Dimunendo!'' he cast again and Lucius scoffed. But then Sirius looked down at the still mostly closed buds. ''Herbivicus!'' he said, and his voice was soft like a caress. _

_The roses erupted in bloom and the crowd cheered around them._

_''Wow! That is a pretty uncommon spell!'' one of the onlookers was heard. _

_Lucius glared at Sirius, expecting him to look smug and grinning triumphantly. But the face of the little boy was as blank as it had been before. Lucius turned towards his father and there was an unmistakable note of disdain in the patriarch's cold features. Anger surged through Lucius, and it was all directed at the little boy who had stolen his thunder and then had the gall to look like he was _bored _by it!_

_Lucius swirled around and raised the wand again. ''Incendio!'' he cried, and the pretty flowers turned into a ball of fire. _

_Sirius dropped them to the marble floor immediately, but couldn't prevent his hands from getting burned._

_''Lucius!'' his fathers voice thundered. ''This is no way to treat our guests! Apologize to Mr. Black and his son!''_

_Lucius froze at the harsh words of his father, spoken in front of all those people, who looked at him now, some shaking their heads in disapproval. Inside something hot and painful tore at his chest, but he knew that he had to obey his father's order._

_''I'm sorry, Mr. Black. Sirius. I apologize for my behaviour. I was most uncalled for.''_

_Orion nodded patronizingly at him. ''Ah well, it is the disability of youth to reign in one's temper.'' _

_The other guests laughed and conversations were taken up again, leaving Lucius disregarded. He heard a few of them mentioning 'the young Black heir' and looked around for the boy, but he had vanished._

_Only later when Lucius crossed the entrance hall to go up to his own room, did he catcha glimpse of the boy huddling in a small alcove, starring out through the high window into the dark and cradling his hands to his chest. And only then did he remember that the boy had burned his hands when Lucius had set the bouquet on fire, but obviously no one had paid attention to it or cared to heal the burns. _

_Lucius grinned. Served the nasty little bugger right._

There had been more parties and events over the years and Lucius had found ways to make Sirius pay for the humiliation he had caused him, for the audacity of thinking himself worthy to even look at him with that insolent face of his.

That was one of the idiot's greatest weaknesses. He had not learned that a smile or a compliment, however false, gained you so much more approval and sometimes even trust. Sirius refused to play nice around the acquaintances of his parents, and that was why he often was ogled at but seldom received a smile. And the more he grew up, the more his behaviour started to offend and the less the people around him were willing to excuse it.

Lucius loved to see him getting dragged off to be scolded and hissed at. But what annoyed Lucius without end was that the boy wouldn't even cringe. He would stare back in silence, his stormy grey eyes glaring, but he would not bow. Lucius wanted him to bow. To break. To crawl.

And the day he thought he finally would reach this goal, was the start of his sixth year at Hogwarts. And Sirius' first. He watched the little brat walk up to the stool and place the Sorting Hat on his head, already looking forward to expressing some House discipline on the insolent boy. After all Lucius was a Prefect, and had the duty to keep his fellow Slytherins in line.

And then the hat shouted out a House, and Lucius thought he had heard wrong. But Sirius stood up and walked over to the somewhat reluctantly cheering Gryffindor table. And it was true. Sirius Black had just become a Gryffindor. But then Lucius had smiled. Because that would be the end of him.

But yet again the brat had managed to wiggle his way out somehow. He had befriended the Potter boy, and throughout the rest of his days at Hogwarts Lucius had to witness those two gaining more and more popularity with their outrageous pranks, Quidditch stunts and generally being smart-mouthed. Oh, he managed to get one over on Sirius more than once, as a Prefect he held some power, and even back then Lucius had been very good at gaining followers, dealing in favours and, if necessary, gold. But he didn't get the boy to bend and bow. He didn't get him to lose it and break. He would not even cry. Until that night, years later. That night was still a fond memory. That night he had been sure he had finally done it, and broken the boy who had been a thorn in his side.

But he had managed to land on his feet like a damn alley-cat. He had seen him thrown into Azkaban, and that surely had to destroy him, but he just walked out seven years later to still defy him. But Lucius would put an end to it. He would show him that he was just that, a means to an end. A mistake to be erased and never to be spoken of again.

There was a knock on the door and Lucius called the man in, putting on the mask of polite boredom and unchallenged power.

''Ah, Mr. Smith,'' he greeted the bald little wimp with a distracted glance. Giving him the impression that he had nearly forgotten about their appointment. ''Good to see you. I have just been told that you will be on duty tonight, and there is a slight change in schedule.''

-xox-

''Where have you been?'' Sirius jumped up when the door flew open with more force than he would expect from his calm and gentle friend. But then he didn't look all that gentle and calm right now. ''Moonrise is-''

''I know when the bloody moon rises!'' Remus snapped, as he stormed past him.

Sirius turned around slowly, following his friend with his gaze as he banged through the kitchen cabinets. He watched him in silence, his arms crossed and his expression calm.

''Alright,'' he said after a few minutes when Remus continued to ignore him. He tilted his head. ''This some bad case of werewolf PMS?''

''Why don't you just shut up, Sirius?''

Sirius wasn't fazed by that. ''Because I am your friend, and you've told me that exact same thing thousand times before without ever having any effect. _And _because I know there will be lengthy, unnecessary apologies tomorrow, so just pull yourself together! What the hell happened to make you go through the roof? Was it Albus?''

Remus didn't react.

''Or Molly?''

Remus _growled_.

''Oh, well, and I already worried that it was me -...''

Remus glared at him and there was definitely something like a growl again.

''Remus.'' Sirius voice got a pleading note now. ''It's not long until you have to go down to the cellar, and I know you just want to ignore everything and bang some more right now. But we both know, the angrier you are, the worse is the transformation. Come on. Can't we kiss and make up?''

The banging stopped and there was a deep sigh.

"What you said last night..." Sirius tried, but Remus interrupted him.

"I'm not going to apologize for that, Padfoot. You know it was the truth."

"I thought you had forgiven me."

Sirius looked at him, and the hurt was evident, and it hurt Remus too just to see it. His anger fizzled.

"I… I have. I just wish I knew what it was exactly, that I have forgiven you for. I'd never thought you'd go that far. I just want to understand why the hell you did that! I know you didn't like Severus. I know he could be really nasty, he and his friends. He tried everything to get us expelled… but he could have _died_, Sirius. _I _could have _killed_ him. Do you know what they did with rogue werewolves back then? I would have been _lucky_ if they had only sent me to Azkaban. And I…'' Remus sank down on one of the kitchen chairs, suddenly feeling horribly exhausted. ''How could you do that to _me_? Do you think I would have _wanted _to be a killer? Have you any idea what it would have meant, to me, if I had killed him? Or killed James when he tried to stop the worst?"

"I never wanted anyone to get killed!'' Sirius cried, pacing agitatedly. He stopped in front of his friend ''You have to believe me Remus! I never wanted that!"

"Then what did you think would happen? What the hell did you try to gain! How would you have stopped him from telling everyone about my secret? The secret you swore to keep!"

"I… I don't know. I don't know why I... I don't have an explanation for you! I can only tell you what I told you a hundred times before. That I am _sorry_. That I am so, _so_ sorry! And that I didn't mean for it to happen.'' There was a pause, like Sirius was waiting. Waiting for Remus to say something. "But I guess that's not enough."

Remus looked away. He wanted to say that it was enough. He wanted to say that it was forgiven and forgotten. But it felt wrong. I felt wrong to say these words without knowing that they were true. And he really didn't want to think about what had happened the last time he had refused to say them.

Sirius slid down one of the cabinets until he came to rest slumped against it in a vision of utter defeat. He put his face in his hands, dragging them down his cheeks.

"I should have known that it was too good to be true," he mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"You have never forgiven me. Not for a single moment."

He looked pale. And his eyes… his eyes looked dead, and it scared Remus.

"Sirius…'' he tried. ''Please. I want to, I really do. And I thought I had. When you tried… when I saw you like that…"

"You felt sorry for me," Sirius said, his voice dull, his smile too tired and defeated to even count.

"No!'' Remus cried, falling down to his knees in front of his friend. ''I… I didn't want to lose you! You were more important than… me being hurt. And I was scared! I was so fucking scared you might try it again." He broke off. "Sirius...'' Brown eyes were searching in that sea of grey and blue. ''Did you really… did you really want to…"

"Why else do you think I would have cut my wrists, Remus?" Sirius looked at him, really looked at him, and Remus knew that it was true. He could see it in those eyes. Sirius _had _wanted to.

"I… I don't know. I thought maybe you wanted to make me see how sorry you were," Remus mumbled.

"You think I did it to make you forgive me?" There was a hollow laugh. "No, Moony. I was beyond any hope for forgiveness at that point. "

"Then…"

"I'm sorry.'' It was a whisper, and then louder, ''I know that's not what you want to hear. But, yes, back then I wanted to end it. I'm not feeling like that anymore, so you don't have to worry. But that night, I just wanted to leave it all behind."

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't bear being alone anymore.'' Sirius tried to shrug, but he couldn't come up with his usual casualness. His voice grew haunted. ''I knew that I had lost you. And it had been so long already… it had been over two months and they felt like forever, and you were still not even speaking to me. None of you did. Not James, not you… And I had tried to apologize, any way I knew, I had tried... I didn't know what to do anymore... I knew it was hopeless. I couldn't make it right. And I couldn't take it. And when I came back after Christmas… it just had become too much… I didn't know you would find me. I thought you'd only be back the next day, like James and-."

"So you weren't being reckless."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say that I thought it through either. It's not like I planned it, Moony. I just… couldn't take it anymore."

They sat in silence. So close together. And still so far out of reach.

''I love you,'' Sirius said helplessly.

''I know.''

''No. No you really, really don't.'' Sirius shook his head, and then he added in a whisper, ''I wish I could make you see.''

The grandfather-clock chimed eight o'clock in the evening.

''Shit!''

They rose in a fluent movement of unison.

''It's okay. You have eight more minutes.''

''I have to get the spells up before that.''

''Okay. Go. And...'' Sirius pulled Remus into a fierce hug. ''I'll see you on the other side.''

Remus squeezed him back, for a moment seeing a beautiful boy with wild black hair and a cheerful smile in front of him, saying those very same words.

-x-

The door closed behind Remus and there was silence. An eerie silence that seemed to be waiting with bated breath for something awful to happen.

And then the silence was broken by a howl. Desperate and furious and heart-breaking. And Sirius' limbs and flesh poured into different bones and different muscles and soft black fur and he crouched down on the kitchen floor, nose pressed to the boards, whining.

_I'm here, _he wanted to say_, you're not alone. I'll always, always be with you, and I will never betray you again. Please don't leave me again. Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you, but I couldn't let you see... I couldn't let you see..._

Then there was a knock on the door and Moony's howls turned from frightened to furious.

TBC

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	14. Compassion

**A/N: **Thank you all for the wonderful response to the last chapter. I hope I managed reply to everybody and have not forgotten anyone! Special thanks to my dear friend **jogger**, who talked me through this and gave helpful hints, especially when I started to fall asleep over my laptop!

For those of you who haven't seen it yet, there is a little **Christmas Special** to this universe. It's called **The Spirit of Christmas****. **I plan to get the second and final part up till Christmas Day.

And now Enjoy!

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**Chapter 13 - Compassion**

_Prey... _

The wolf was pricking up his ears. His chaps slowly rose into a deadly snarl.

_Coming closer... coming here... hunt. Pack... come... run... hunt._

He stood still, quivering in anticipation, all senses alert. Listening.

_Human. Hunt. Run... catch...bite. _

Running along the wall, nose in the air, he panted.

_Cave... out! Hunt! Out! _

The beast was growing agitated.

_Out! Prey! Out! Hunt! Jump... Rip... KILL!_

It was throwing itself against the weakest spot of his prison, the place where the human scent was strongest. But the door and the spells held.

Moony howled in fury.

_rip bite KILL!_

-xox-

Far away a little boy sat on the toilet seat, his knees tucked to his chest, trembling fingers reaching under his shirt. His fingers brushed the stiff paper. It was still there. Harry pulled the creamy envelope out and balanced it on his knees, stroking it hesitantly. He wanted to rip it open, stumble through Sirius words, and suck them all up. And he wanted to save it, so that he would not have read the last words yet, leaving him with even deeper longing to talk to the person who had written them. Of course anticipation, longing and curiosity won in the end.

But he opened the letter carefully, and that turned out to have been a good idea. Because there was not only a letter. There was also a folded paper with a fine, silvery powder in it.

Frowning, Harry reached for the letter.

-xox-

Padfoot had jumped up the moment the knock and Moony's howl was heard. Someone was at the door. Right now. The night of the full moon. How could there be someone at the door _now_?

Another knock.

Howls rising in anger.

Faint sounds of crashing.

Sirius human mind in a dog's brain was running a mile a minute. Merlin, what to do? What to do? He couldn't change back. Would only make it worse for the wolf. But he had to do _something... _had to make who ever was there to get fucking out of here before Remus got himself killed in a fit of anger!

The door creaked open.

Who ever it was had not much patience. And not much common sense. The howl of a werewolf should send anyone who held a shred of it running. Padfoot stood in the kitchen, indecisive, watching the door and listening to Moony, and then the door opened fully, and a man stood there, on the threshold, and Padfoot's growl of anger at that sight outmatched even the one of the werewolf.

Archibald Smith. The stupid fuck of a wannabe Auror. The git who was too brainless to put one and one and a werewolf together and come up with 'not a good idea'.

Baldy looked around searchingly, and Padfoot wondered how he could miss the fucking big black dog right in the middle of the kitchen growling at him. And then he wasn't thinking anymore he was running, jumping, and tackling the pudgy man to the ground.

Moony was howling louder, as if he knew his pack mate was hunting without him. There were dull sounds, and Sirius knew what that meant. Moony was throwing himself against the wall, the door, whatever, trying to get out of the prison that held him, not caring if he broke every single bone in his body, instinct overriding everything else. And that was just the beginning. When he finally realized that he could not get out, the fury would be too much, the instinct to rip and shred would be too much, and when he couldn't rip anything else he would rip what ever was in that cellar, and finally himself.

And he couldn't let that happen, and he couldn't do anything about it, but he would not let Baldy make it worse and worse and so much worse. He would not lose Remus because of this man's stupidity!

Fur was morphing into pale skin, paws into hands and fingers, clawing at the robes of the man under him, shaking him.

''You dumb fuck! You imbecilic arrogant asshole! What in Merlin's fucking name are you doing here? What?''

Baldy Smith looked at him wide-eyed, mouth hanging open, and it took him a few moments to process what had happened. That Sirius Black had attacked him. That he himself had a wand. He grabbed for it, but Sirius snatched it out of his hand. A short burst of power, of determination and something wilder went through him.

He had a wand. But that would be the end. That would be Azkaban. And he saw Remus' face in front of him, and knew he would not be forgiven for that. Remus was that much of an idiot.

But Moony's howls were murderous now with wrath and desperation, and Sirius could imagine the blood, the mangled limbs, the pain... He needed to do _something_! Holding the obviously frightened man by the front of his robes, he looked around frantically. He couldn't go out, so he couldn't drag the man away. He couldn't do magic. He-

His eyes fell on the fireplace. He couldn't activate it himself, since he couldn't reach in and touch the flames. But maybe he wouldn't need to...

Sirius grabbed the struggling Auror around the neck, pulling him into the living room. The jar with the floo-powder stood on the mantle as was customary in every wizard home. He could throw it in from afar, couldn't he? He reached for it with his free hand, trying to hold on to the git in his grasp and tune out Moony and his fear for him, and grabbed a handful of the glittery stuff. He threw it into the fire and the flames turned green. Now something human had to touch the flames to activate the connection. Smiling menacingly, Sirius pushed the bald wizard forward, into the hearth.

A location. Sirius hesitated for a second. It was the middle of the night. Albus might not appreciate... ''The Hog's Head!'' he yelled, and the flames roared higher. He threw the Auror's wand after him, it would not serve to incriminate him. There was a blur of fire and colour and then Archibald Smith was gone.

Sirius hoped Aberforth still owned that pup, and he hoped it still had the same reputation it had during his days at school. He might have a chance that Albus would hear about the incident and also that, given Baldy's talent to annoy everyone around him, the Auror might get held up in the place for a while and not come back with a whole Auror squad tonight.

Upon Moony's growl of fury, Sirius morphed into Padfoot immediately, running back to the kitchen, which was closest to the cellar. He turned around himself, nose on the floor, whining and giving short barks of comfort, but Moony was not to be calmed that easily. He had smelled prey, and now he had lost it. And his pack mate was there, but not with him, not joining him. He howled for him, and Sirius' dog part understood the call of longing and worry and fear of abandonment, and then again of desperation, and desperation and imprisonment made the wolf angry and vicious, and the howls turned to fury again.

Moony raged till he got too exhausted. Too tired and weak, and the sounds of struggling and jumping ceased and his howls became softer and sadder, more longing than furious now. He was probably hurt and bleeding, and Sirius couldn't go to him, couldn't help him.

Sirius was scared. Moony wasn't howling anymore. There were just little almost feeble sounds of whining. Sirius knew that he was calling for him now. He whined and barked, trying to tell Moony that he had not abandoned him, that he was with him.

But he couldn't do anything. Had he been human, he would have cried. Now he could only wait for the morning, hope for the healer Albus had promised to hurry, and pray that it wouldn't be too late.

-xox-

The little boy was frightened and excited all at the same time. It was that feeling you got when you did something you knew was forbidden, but really, really wanted to do anyway. Harry clutched the envelope his godfather had sent him in his sweaty hand, pressing it against his chest, as if to make sure it was really there. His other hand was slowly feeling its way along the banister, guiding him down the darkened staircase. It was long after midnight and the Weasleys were all asleep. Harry could only hope that they would stay that way, because there was no doubt that neither Mr. nor Mrs Weasley would ever let him do what he was about to do.

His breath was coming in erratic little pants and his heart was hammering. But he had to do it. He had wanted to wait but he couldn't. His head was spinning and his chest was going to surely burst if he didn't get rid of this horrible feeling. This feeling of loss and disappointment deeper than anything he had ever felt, because he never had _been_ disappointed before. He had never known that it hurt so much more if you lost something that you had already thought within your reach. That there was nothing as cruel as a dream _almost_ come true. And he had to know, had to know if it was true...

Harry slipped into the kitchen and tiptoed towards the glowing embers in the hearth. He had said that would be enough. Crouching down in front of the fire place, he carefully unfolded the parchment. Picking up some of the glittery content, he hesitated. Sirius' handwriting was vivid before his eyes.

_Don't come tonight!_

-xox-

Sirius was sure he would go crazy. He was watching the hands of the grandfather clock, which just wouldn't move. He just wanted the damn moon to go down. He just wanted this night to be over. He just wanted Moony to not be dead when that happened.

And then the flames in the fireplace turned green again, and Sirius' heart stopped. Oh, Merlin, no... please don't let him come back.

The black dog jumped up and ran into the living room, just as a head appeared in the flames.

Just a head. Nothing more.

The head of a little boy with ruffled hair and slightly askew glasses, looking uncertain, just a little bit scared and hopeful.

Harry. Oh Godric's great sword, not tonight! He had _told_ him, not tonight! But he couldn't risk him going farther, couldn't risk him coming through...

The black dog came forward to the fireplace and turned into a desperate and dishevelled looking man. The boy's face lit up.

''Sirius!'' he called, and his neck and shoulders became visible as he bowed further into the flames back at the Burrow, a hand reaching out...

''No, Harry!''

It came out as a yell, and Harry drew back, as if he had been slapped.

''Harry...''

Sirius went to his knees in front of the hearth. Harry looked at him uncertainly.

''Sirius?''

''You shouldn't have come. You can't... this is not a good time.'' From the background came a deep growl. ''I told you. I told you, not tonight.''

''I-I'm sorry... I... I just... wanted to talk to you...''

''I know, Harry, and I would love to talk to you too...'' Sirius threw an almost unconscious glance over his shoulder towards the back door. ''But you have to go now...''

''But...''

And then Moony howled another agitated lament, and Harry stared at his godfather wide-eyed.

''What... what was that?''

''Go Harry! I can't stay like this!''

''No, please, I need to...''

But Sirius was already morphing back into the big black dog, barking at him. And then when a lonely tear ran down Harry's cheek, he whined. And suddenly Sirius was back for all of five seconds, looking at him with his human eyes.

''Harry... come back, okay? Tomorrow. I'm sorry...''

And then Padfoot beat his bushy tail on the floor, turned on the spot once, and ran off.

Harry slumped back on his haunches in front of the fire, which had turned back to its natural shades of orange and yellow. His face was sooty and when he drew the back of his hand over his eyes, it came away wet as well. He hadn't noticed that he was crying, and he immediately felt stupid for it. He didn't want to be such a wimp who cried all the time. Nobody liked cry-babies, did they? Sirius probably didn't either.

With shaking hands Harry folded the paper with the powder back together and slipped it back in the envelope. The house around him was still silent apart from the odd creaks and cracks, Bill had explained came from the walls and floors and the magic that held it all together. He blinked his eyes frantically and swallowed against the lump in his throat.

Uncle Vernon had always said that boys did not cry, and those who did were weak little shits. He was very proud of Dudley because he did not bawl like a baby, but then Harry always wondered what Dudley should be crying about really. He had everything he – or Harry – could wish for. Dudley had had all those things Harry had wanted. A nice room, and toys to play with, and clothes that fitted, and all the food he could eat and then some more. And loads of attention and kisses and hugs, and words that weren't harsh, and the safety of having someone who loved you what ever you might do. Dudley had had parents. Not Harry's first choice of them, but parents nevertheless, and Harry had envied him. He had envied him until the day Sirius came along, and told him that he had had parents that loved him very much, and that they had wanted him, Sirius, to take care of Harry if they wouldn't be able to anymore.

From that point on, even if it was tentatively because he had not known if Sirius would approve, he had imagined Sirius as his dad. And the longer they were together the more Harry had let himself be wrapped up in that illusion, until he began to forget that it had started out as just a game, an idea. Nothing but a dream.

Harry silently sneaked up the stairs, back to Ron's room and his own bed. His red-haired friend was still lying sprawled where he had left him, and Harry slipped under the covers, not really feeling the comfort of their warmth against his cold skin. There was a knot in his stomach that had grown even bigger now, after his adventure.

Lying in the dark, he tried to ignore the feeling of dread, but he couldn't, because it was choking him. There were these nasty cracks showing in the picture-book fairy-tale of the boy who was found by his long lost god-father, taken away from people who had always been unkind, to live a life filled with love and sunshine and pancakes and flying on broomsticks. Now it seemed he might get something very different. An adoption and a life in a whirlwind of red-haired people, and it was better than Privet Drive, but it wasn't what he had been hoping and longing and wishing for.

Because it was not _his_ family.

He didn't know what it was really, but it was something about the way Sirius had looked at him when he had said that he wanted him. Something that made Harry think Sirius didn't want him just for Harry's sake, that maybe he needed Harry too, that without him he would be lonely. No one needed him at the Weasleys. They had been fine without him all along. Maybe even better. He had heard Mr. Weasley a few days ago saying something. That even if Harry stayed with them for longer, they would manage it somehow. Harry didn't know what he meant, but he had sighed and Harry had felt like a burden again. Sirius had always seemed to be so _glad_ that Harry was around. But maybe Sirius didn't need him anymore either. Maybe now that he was living with Remus, Sirius would be fine without him, better even.

Harry knew he shouldn't cry. But it was dark and everybody else was asleep. Surely no one would ever know.

-xox-

And then the sun rose. The moon was nothing but a pale silver disk hanging low over the horizon, and Sirius knew that bones and flesh and skin and hair would have started to change back to their original state by now, making every wound and injury only worse. Making them bleed again, ripping open barely healed flesh. He had seen it so often before. Remus' pale face, covered in cold sweat, his breath coming in short and harsh pants. He always tried to keep silent, but his eyes and the tension in his abused muscles gave away how scorching the pain was.

Sirius had changes back to his human form, but was still cowering on the kitchen floor, his ears straining for a sound from his friend. But the only thing to be heard was the clock in the corner, ticking. He jumped up and started pacing, again and again nearing the door, fighting the overwhelming need to run out and down to the cellar, to rip the door open and yell for his friend. He could be bleeding to death down there. It was clear that he must be severely injured, or he would have come up and back into the cottage of his own accord. And now he was lying down there, and how could Sirius himself be here, only a few yards away, and not helping him, not taking care of him!

''Remus? Remus! Remus! Please... do you hear me? Are you... please, just give me... make some sound if you can hear me... Moony? Moony!''

But there was no response. No matter how much Sirius ran through the cottage, desperately looking for something that would help him in this situation, no matter how much he called for the man in the cellar, not even knowing if he could hear him, there was no response.

And then there was a knock and Sirius flew to the door, ripping it open, breathing ''Remus...''

But of course it wasn't Remus. Remus wouldn't knock.

It was a woman. A woman Sirius knew, and at her sight he would have almost made that impossible mistake of throwing his arms around her on the doorstep and _outside _the door. But Eleanor Brisby stepped in quickly, her eyes searching his face and then his body with concern.

''Mr. Black! Is something wrong? Are you hurt?''

Sirius was so agitated and relieved, all at the same time, that he hardly managed to get a word out. The word that came out of his dried mouth was, ''Remus.''

''I beg you pardon?''

Sirius cleared his throat, ''Remus L-Lupin... in the cellar, you have to look for him, quickly, I don't know... it was bad last night... and he doesn't answer...''

''Mr. Black, calm down.'' Her voice had that soothing tone that mothers used on their children. ''You aren't making much sense, I'm afraid. Are you hurt?''

''No! Not me! Remus. Remus is hurt! He is in the cellar, and I can't go there, and he might be too injured to... he must be bleeding badly!''

The words 'injured' and 'bleeding' seemed to have done the trick, and the healer's face became serious and professional.

''Mr. Remus Lupin, he is the resident of this house? And he is in the cellar you say? What happened? Where is the entrance?''

''O-outside... you can only get down there from the outside... that's why I can't,... please!''

Sirius started to pull her back towards the door, and she let herself be dragged.

''Stay inside,'' she said unnecessarily, because what else should he do, but remain a hair's breadth from the threshold, dragging his hand through his hair and staring as far to the left as he could from that angle, listening to any sound that might reach him.

The sound that came from the direction of the cellar a moment later was a panicked scream.

And Sirius heart stopped.

And then Mrs Brisby came into his field of vision again, and Remus was not with her, and she looked upset and... furious. It was an emotion Sirius couldn't place in the situation. Worried, sad, apologetic even, all of that would be in the range of his expectations, how ever much he didn't want to think about it. But anger...

''Mr. Black!'' the older woman spluttered. ''T-that... in the cellar... have you any idea... what that is?''

Fear gripped Sirius heart even harder, digging its talons in, making him bleed.

''W-what do you mean... Remus... he is not... no. No, I heard him, right till the end I could hear him, whining. He isn't... please tell me he isn't... he's alive... he is alive... please...''

It was not true. It was not true. It couldn't be true. Please, don't... don't let it be true...

''_He_ is alive. Although he really shouldn't!''

Sirius relief at hearing her first words kept the others from sinking in immediately, and when they did, all he could do was stare, not comprehending what she had said, what she could have meant.

''…''

''Mr. Black, do you know that your _friend_ is a werewolf!''

The laugh that escaped Sirius' throat was on the edge of hysterical. ''Well of course he is a werewolf! Why else would he be down there all ripped up into pieces! Is... is he okay... why didn't you bring him up... is it that bad? Can't you move him? Merlin, please tell me he didn't break his spine again...''

''You... you honestly expect me to help such a creature?'' she asked scandalized.

''A w-what? A... a creature! He is no _creature_, he is a human being! He is my best friend! You... you are a healer, you have to help him!''

''If I help something like... _him_ now, he will only infect other people! You only have to look at what it did to the cellar to see how savage and violent...'' She shook her head. ''How could the Ministry even bring you in such a house? It's beyond me. Anything could have happened!''

''What... what are you talking about...'' Sirius whispered, not comprehending, not accepting... this _couldn't_ be happening. ''He took me in. I would be back in Azkaban if it wasn't for him! And now he is hurt! It must be bad, right? He was furious last night.''

''Of course he was, Mr. Black. Because the beast was locked in and couldn't bite anyone. Couldn't infect anyone and destroy more innocent lives. I know about creatures like that. It was such a _thing _who...'' her voice broke a little, ''… who destroyed my son.''

He looked at her stunned. ''You-your son was killed by a werewolf!'' Oh freaking hell! ''Shit!'' He slammed his fist into the wall almost without wincing. ''Fuck!''

Then he turned back to her wild-eyed.

''But it wasn't Remus! Remus never killed anyone. He never even bit anyone! He has always locked himself away at nights of the full moon. Please!'' He wasn't above begging. For Remus he would go down on his knees if he needed to. ''I _can't_ go out there! Please,... just bring him in. Just bring him to me and... and I will take care of him, but... Please!''

Mrs Brisby looked at him as if she doubted his sanity, and shouldn't it have been totally hilarious that she started to suspect it now of all times. Not when she met him as the insane mass-murderer Black, not when he was rambling incoherently from a fever, no, now that he wanted to save the life of his friend who coincidentally was a werewolf.

''Please! He is no threat anymore, you must know that! You have to help me! Please! Please, help me!''

Sirius wasn't all that sure, but it seemed that what swayed her in the end were these words. The plea for help. Coming from him. She walked out with a stony face . It was clear that she didn't think this was a good idea. But nevertheless a few minutes later she was back with Remus body floating unconsciously next to her. Naked and bloody and with streaks of dirt and, oh Merlin, he didn't look good.

''Where should I place him?''

''Upstairs,'' Sirius croaked hoarsely. His friend really didn't look good.

The body floated up the stairs, leaving a few drops of dark sticky red on the floor boards and the wooden steps. Sirius quickly passed by her to open the door to the bathroom, directing her towards the old claw-footed tub.

''Are you sure?'' Mrs Brisby asked, raising her eyebrows.

''You think it's a bad idea?'' Sirius asked. ''I- I thought... Blood Replenishing Potion, and I don't know, I need to clean him up before I put him to bed... I-... Hey!''

Eleanor Brisby had just dumped Remus unceremoniously into the bathtub. Sirius glared at her.

''Would you mind?'' he hissed, grabbing a towel and falling to his knees beside the tub. He cushioned Remus' head with the cloth and stroked his sweaty and bloody hair from his forehead, subconsciously checking what he could see of Remus' injuries. There were a lot. Flesh wounds, but broken bones as well. He couldn't mend that without magic.

Sirius closed his eyes and swallowed. This was in no way the time to be proud or picky. This was the time to beg if he had to. He turned around to the woman who was watching him with a distant expression from the doorway.

''He... he has broken bones,'' Sirius started, ''and there are wounds that are still bleeding, not much sense to give him the potion as long as he just keeps losing it again.''

She remained silent.

''I am not allowed to do magic, even if I had a wand.'' He swallowed again. ''He _needs _your help. _I _need your help.''

There was a long moment of silence, and when she finally sighed and came up to the tub, drawing her wand, Sirius had the strange and contradictory urge to cry, slap her, and throw himself in front of his friend.

But when Mrs Brisby waved her wand and mumbled under her breath, the wounds started to close. She didn't seem to be going out of her way to spare Remus any pain exactly, but she was doing her job with an air of calm professionalism. But she never touched the injured werewolf, and Sirius had the feeling she was trying to not even look at his face. When she was done with her spells, she pulled a large bottle out of her billowing robes.

''Put his head back and hold his nose,'' she requested.

Sirius sent her another glare. ''Thanks,'' he snapped. ''I think I can take it from here.''

There was a moment of hesitation, but then she handed him the bottle.

''Give him a dose of three teaspoons. That should be enough for now,'' she said stiffly, and then she was out the door.

Sirius hardly took any notice. He coaxed Remus' mouth open, whispering to him encouragingly, and then poured the potion inside, urging him to swallow. Remus did, and his eyelids fluttered, as if he was trying to open them but they were proving to be too heavy.

''It's fine Moony, just relax,'' Sirius whispered. ''I'll take care of it. Of you. You'll be as right as rain in no time.''

He wet another towel and gently started to clean his friend from the blood and filth. First his face and arms and chest, and then the rest of his body, carefully helping him to shift and turn. There were a lot of new scars he discovered. Silver lines under the angry red and deep purple last night had left on Remus' skin. He looked so much like the fragile boy again, his face pale even against the white of the bathtub. But his body had changed since their schooldays, had become harder and rougher, like the body of someone in need of defending himself. Sirius wondered if the enemy his friend was fighting with such determination, wasn't in the end the one living in that body himself.

When Remus started to shiver from the cold, Sirius decided that he had done the best he could. Time to get the injured werewolf into bed and under the covers. Time for some much needed warmth and rest and comfort. Picking Remus up was a lot more difficult than Sirius had imagined though. For all that he looked fragile, Remus body was that of an adult and Sirius was not exactly Quidditch-toned anymore. He struggled to get him out of the bathtub, and Remus moaned in protest.

''I'm sorry, Moony, so sorry. I know... bear with me, okay? Just a little bit more... I just have to get you... out of here,'' Sirius panted, more dragging than carrying Remus out of the bathroom.

''You want me to help you with it?'' a voice came from the staircase.

Sirius lifted his eyes to see Mrs Brisby on the uppermost step. He even thought he detected concern in her face, but he had the feeling it was for him and not so much for the naked and injured friend he was clutching around the middle protectively.

''No,'' Sirius replied coldly. ''This I can manage on my own.''

-x-

He did manage on his own, with difficulty, but in the end he had pushed and pushed Remus on to the bed. Breathing heavily Sirius sank down next to him, looking at the broken and injured body. He would not let anybody hurt him anymore. Would not let anybody even so much as look at him the wrong way. He was suffering enough already, wasn't he? How could anyone see a monster in this abused body? How could anyone feel anything but compassion and this overwhelming urge to protect?

He understood that people were afraid of the wolf Remus turned into one night out of thirty. A werewolf on the full moon was a predator, one that knew only human prey. And that's why Remus locked himself up each time, risking becoming the victim of his own fury. He had never hurt anyone else. The only one who was suffering was Remus himself. How could anyone hate him for that?

He had dragged the covers up to Remus' waist, but had stopped there. Looking at scars and injuries and tense muscles, Sirius couldn't help but wonder how it must be really, to be in a constant fight with your own body. To be broken and reformed again and again. It was so easy for him, transforming, becoming a dog. It was just a matter of a little concentration, something he could almost do in his sleep by now, and maybe he had. But for Remus it was all shifting bones and reforming muscles, it was pain and agony even if he didn't rip himself up. Why was that? Was it because it was something he could not control, could not initiate, but that was forced on him as soon as the moon rose over the horizon? And was it such a surprise, really, that Remus would hate the wolf part of himself for it, maybe didn't want to see it as part of himself at all just to be able to hate it better? Was it so much different from what Sirius himself had done? Splitting himself in two. One Sirius that he showed to the world and one Sirius that he hid away, that he could put all the blame upon because he had been too weak to fight for himself, too pathetic to bear a little pain, because he was a little shit who cried in the dark. But no... no, Remus was different. He wasn't weak, had never been weak, was stronger than anyone else Sirius had ever known.

''Why do you hate yourself so much?'' Sirius whispered, stroking over the ginger hair with his fingertips. ''Why can't you see... you are the best person I know, Remus.''

He straightened the sheets, pulling them up to keep his friend warm. Held a cold hand.

''I know you think I have betrayed you, Moony, I know you think I did not care about the consequences. Didn't care about you. But it's not true... I did not want to tell him anything. I wouldn't have. I would never have given away your secret if I could have helped it. I only ever wanted to protect you.''

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat. Sirius looked up, seeing Mrs Brisby standing in the doorway once more. She looked old in the pale light of the grey winter's day. Like a shadow of a person herself.

''I need to repeat a few of the healing spells.''

Sirius looked at her, not moving, and she shifted nervously.

''Maybe it would be better if you waited outside.''

''I'm not going anywhere,'' he said fiercely.

She sighed and nodded, as if she had known he would say that, and then stepped to the other side of the bed, holding her wand in a firm grip. She began to weave a pattern over Remus' still body, calm and precise. Her face was distant, a mask, almost as if she was not even really there. Sirius grabbed Remus' hand tighter.

After a few minutes Mrs Brisby drew back and lowered her wand. She put it inside her robes and ran her hands over them in a gesture of nervousness. She looked at him then, and there was almost a smile on her lips. Almost, but not really.

''He always was so wilful too,'' she said softly. ''Never listening. So self-dependent. Even at six-teen.''

Sirius stared back at her, not knowing what he was supposed to say to that.

''You remind me so much of him.''

Sirius swallowed. ''Your son?''

''David.''

''You said a werewolf killed him. Is that why you hate all people with lycanthropy now?''

The almost smile vanished, and her features hardened. ''I save my compassion for the victims, not the killers.''

''They are all victims!'' Sirius jumped up, staring at her across the still body of his friend. ''So Remus' life was saved after he was bitten, and I for one person will be eternally thankful for that, but it doesn't mean he has not suffered from what happened his whole life! He locks himself away each time the moon is full, knowing that he won't have any control over himself when the wolf breaks through. Knowing, that in his anger at being restrained, he will turn against himself, will hurt himself. And on top of that he has to deal with people like you! He doesn't deserve this. He deserves so much better. None of this was his fault!''

''You don't know what you're saying,'' Mrs Brisby's voice was shaking as much as her hands were. ''He is _not_ that person, that boy, anymore! He became something else, something dark, that only looks like him!''

''Bollocks!'' Sirius spat angrily, while still trying to keep his voice down for Remus' sake. ''I might not have known him before he was bitten, but I've known him since he was eleven, just a kid, and there was _nothing_ dark about him, not ever! He was timid and shy. He was an innocent little boy who had been told that he was a monster. Who had been told, that he might not live through it for long. He was five years old, when he was bitten! Five! But he made it through all those transformations, because he is the strongest and bravest person I know.'' He smiled down at his unconscious friend. ''And he never complained, you know? Because, deep inside, he believes people like you. He believes that he is a monster, he believes that he deserves the pain, when he has never done anything wrong. Because people like you have told him all his life!''

''No!'' She was shaking now throughout her entire body. ''T-that is not true! He doesn't deserve to live! He is a savage beast!'' She balled her hands into fists. ''He killed that little boy and took his body. That's how it works. The wolf is inside him, he kills all the humanity. That's what they said. They said he was gone, and would never be my little boy again. My son was dead, and the beast... the beast who had become him... they couldn't let it live...They couldn't...''

Sirius breath caught in his lungs. He wasn't sure if he had heard correctly, wasn't sure if he had understood correctly,... at least that was what he told himself, because he knew he had heard. And he understood.

''You-your son...,'' he stumbled over the words, ''he... survived the bite! He became a werewolf and they... you...no...'' He shook his head in denial. ''No one would... that would be... he was your son!''

''He wasn't my son anymore,'' Mrs Brisby's voice was an agonized whisper. ''That's what they said. That that thing had killed my son... but he still looked like him. You see, that is the real cruelty, that that thing still looked like my precious Davy...''

''What happened to him?''

''To whom?''

''To... to the werewolf.''

''He was de-deposed of.''

''It was your son.'' Sirius met her eyes, his own like burning silver. ''You let them kill your son.''

There was a sound like a sob or a howl, almost like that of an animal, breaking out of her chest then. Her knuckles were white, and her face had the colour of ashes. She looked like an old woman on her deathbed. And some part of Sirius was glad.

And then another sound, this one soft and still ringing in the subsequent silence, came from the bed. Immediately Sirius attention was focused on his friend, and he sat down, putting a hand over his heart. The beat was fast and erratic.

''Remus? Do you... can you hear me?''

A cough, followed by a moan, and then Remus' eyelids fluttered open. But his eyes were not looking at Sirius. They were looking at Eleanor Brisby. His face was a mask of barely hidden pain.

''You... have hea-healed me?''

Remus whisper was faint, but he seemed coherent. Sirius wondered, not without worry, how much he had heard. Had he just now woken up? Or had he been listening to what was said?

Mrs. Brisby stared at the pale werewolf as if she was seeing a ghost.

''Th-thank you... for he-helping me...''

''Remus-'' Sirius reached for his hand, squeezing it.

''No...'' Remus breath became harsher. ''I n-need to... say this...''

''It... was nothing,'' Mrs Brisby said. Her voice sounded dead. She blinked, like she was just now coming to. She looked around the room, as if she didn't recognize it and wandered out into the hall.

''Remus,'' Sirius croaked.

''I'm fine,... Pad... don' worry s'much...''

And then his eyes drifted close again.

-xox-

He found her in the kitchen. She was sitting at the table, her back straight as a board, staring at nothing. The pale light of the weak afternoon sun was lighting up the grey streaks in her hair. Sirius knew he had been cruel, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize. That woman had declared Remus a creature not worthy of living, and that was not something Sirius Black was likely to forgive.

''Did he fall asleep again?''

''Yes.''

She nodded to herself, not looking at him. ''He is probably still a little weak, but he will recover fully in the next two days.''

''I should probably thank you now, but I am not as gracious a person as he is,'' Sirius said in a hard voice.

She swallowed. ''Werewolves... they can be sly...''

''_Don't._''

She nodded again, hastily, and there was an edge in her voice when she said, ''I should go now.'' She pulled a few bottles out of her robes and put them on the table. ''Give them to him every eight hours, starting when he wakes up again.''

''I will.''

She stood up and studied the face of the table for a moment. When she looked up at him, there was a smile on her face, a true smile, but there were tears in her eyes. ''You really are just like him,'' she said and then turned to go.

When she was on the threshold, Sirius called after her. ''I'm sorry for your son.''

''Thank you.''

''He would have deserved a better mother.''

She flinched, but closed the door behind her without another word. The clock ticked in the corner. Sirius was almost sure he didn't feel bad.

TBC

* * *

A/N: I really wanted to give you a little bit of heart-warming with this chapter, but my chapters have been getting ridiculously long. So that has to wait for the next one, which will be called comfort. The good news is, that it is already partly written, and I hope to have some good time to write during the next week, since it will be my time off. I'll try my best. :) **So wanna see what's next? Give the author some inspiration and leave a review! x Zaira**

**Reviewers Anonymous****: HebHibHob: **Well, you said you liked angst and I delivered. I try to make my bad guys three-dimensional, so I hope that works with Lucius. Once again, thank you for your kind coments. You make me a happy author! :) **BloOm: **Glad you liked the flashback, it seems to have been well received. I think seeingg the background of these characters just makes them so much more interesting. You're not the only one who has a problem with Molly, and I'm smiling for you 'pulling a Remus' ;) Not Harry's testimony yet, but we'll get there! **Bluemoon: **I'm very happy if this story makes you love the characters even more. They are not mine, but I have to admit they sometimes feel like that ;). **Roonil Wazlib: **It sometimes is the same for me! Juggling all these plots isn't always easy... and it is not possible to give all answers straight away. You know how it is. ;( **Mia:** Well, I always try to give you something worth the read. I get really annoyed myself if authors make me wait for an update and then it's like Soap Opera, nothing happens... lol. And I'm really you think I write the kids 'in age', since I've yet to have my own, but myabe I can remember my own childhood very well. :) **read addiction: **Thank you! Really, you all are too kind. And, yes, there is more. And Harry will be better next chapter, I promise! **RedHeadRandomness: **Thank you so much for leaving a review! I'm happy you like the story!

**Thank you all!**


	15. Forgiveness

**A/N: **Hm... I'm not sure if people are losing interest in this story or were just too occupied in the Christmas stress, but there was a definite drop in reviews last chapter. While I try not to obsess about such things, it of course has me thinking... I can only ask you to tell me if there is something you dislike, as much as reassure me if you don't ;). And I hope you don't think I proved myself wrong about feedback meaning motivation with getting up a new, extra-long chapter even quicker than before. I'm not into blackmail. ;) **This is for everyone of you who was kind enough to take a minute and made the author happy with a few words. Thank you! x Zaira**

- And jogger and ambush99? Love you, girls! :)

* * *

**Chapter 14 - Forgiveness**

_The world was made up of white and an old, dull pain. He was lying in a white bed in a white room under white sheets. Everything was too bright, so bright that it hurt. _

_He tried to raise his arms, but they wouldn't budge. He couldn't move, and that scared him. He turned his head and looked down his shoulder, and there was something like a cuff, made of white leather, binding his hand to the side of the bed. It was a small hand. The hand of a child, looking obscene in the large cuff, and Remus became aware that he was a little boy again._

_''You have to understand Mrs Lupin, he is not your son anymore. Your son was killed by that monster, and now he has become a monster himself.''_

_''No. I won't accept that. He is my son! Where is my son!''_

_- Mommy? Mommy where are you? -_

_''Your son is dead Mrs Lupin. I'm sorry.''_

_''No! No no no... noooo! He is my Remus. My baby! Nooo!''_

_The woman screamed, but her screams grew fainter, moving away from him. Remus struggled._

_- Mommy? Mommy, I'm here! Mommy! Mommy! - _

_But the woman's voice was drowned by the whiteness drawing in, smothering him and getting brighter, becoming blinding..._

Remus blinked against the light. His head throbbed dully and when he tried to move, it seemed as if every single muscle in his body groaned in protest and agony. He was lying in a bed. But it was his bed in his bedroom, filled with the stark light of a winter's day.

''Hey...''

A soft voice came from the foot of the bed. Sirius... A feeling of warm relief spread through Remus at the sound of that voice. He was so used to waking up stiff and aching and _alone_, and it was a new but sentimentally familiar feeling to know someone was there. Someone like Sirius. Someone who cared.

He stood at the end of the bed, and he looked exhausted. His black hair was in disarray, but there was a smile on his face that made him look beautiful. If he chose to use it, Sirius had always had the most beautiful smile, full of open and honest affection, like a warm breeze on a lazy summer's day.

''You're awake.'' Sirius pulled a chair up to the bed, sitting down and leaning forward to study him more closely. ''Feeling better?''

Remus tried to smile, but his facial muscles were still too sore. ''Yeah... it's only agony now instead of breath-taking agony.''

Sirius tilted his head to the side. ''I have a few potions for you. Think you can sit up?''

With the help of his friend and another pillow at his back, Remus managed to get into a leaning position. One after the other, Sirius put the potion phials into his hand, waiting for him to drink up. Blood Replenishing. Pain Reducing. Body Strengthening. He knew them all by taste.

He coughed, handing back the last one. ''So... you are my nurse now?'' he asked, trying for a light tone. But when Remus looked at Sirius' face, it was surprisingly sober.

''Yes. I will take care of you, so don't you worry.''

Remus' tired brain remembered something, and he wasn't sure why it made him feel tense and uncomfortable, but... ''Is... the healer... is she gone?''

Sirius cast him a quick look, and there was something in it that he hid away immediately, but Remus thought he had seen a flash of something fierce, anger or reproach, but wasn't sure what to make of it.

''Yeah,'' Sirius said with perfect casualness now, ''but she left the potions for you, and gave me instructions for the way you should take them.''

Remus sighed. Somehow he was glad to hear that.

''So... what happened?''

Again, Sirius looked at him so intently that it started to make him nervous.

''What do you mean?'' the casualness was definitely lacking this time.

''Last night? I thought... didn't something happen? The wolf... he was angrier than usually, and... I'm pretty out of it.''

There was a strange look of relief on Sirius' face and his voice was lighter when he answered. ''Yeah... Baldy, that stupid son of a bitch, came round after you had transformed. You smelled him of course, and went all crazy.''

''Oh.''

''Don't worry, I got rid of him.''

''You got...'' Remus looked at him alarmed. ''How did you do that?''

''Relax,'' Sirius said with a grin, ''I didn't do anything stupid, or I wouldn't be here. I kicked him out through the floo.''

''Where to? How?''

''The Hog's Head.''

Remus snorted. ''Sirius Black, you are one crazy fellow,'' he said fondly, leaning back against the pillows.

''I aim to please.''

''And he didn't come back? Didn't call for reinforcement?''

''Nope. I have to admit, I was hoping Aberforth might turn him into a goat or something.''

Remus chuckled. ''Did you put a card on him, 'with regards from Sirius'?''

''There wasn't any time for that.'' Sirius shrugged, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

''Pity. Aberforth might have liked it. You always were one of the few who got along with him.''

''He was a nice fellow,'' Sirius defended the old wizard, ''just a bit gruff. It can't be easy to be Dumbledore's brother after all.''

''No, I guess not.''

They sat in silence for a while, in this little sanctuary of comfort Remus had build for himself. And wasn't it strange, how right it was to have Sirius here, sitting next to him, as if it had always been intended like that. As if that chair had been there all these years, waiting for him to come and complete the picture.

''I'm sorry, you know. About yesterday, about being so harsh. I... the wolf was angry...''

''No.'' Sirius grabbed his hand and squeezed it. ''_You _were angry, Moony. Maybe the wolf made you lose your temper more quickly, but... _you _were angry. With me. And you had a good reason.''

Remus smiled tiredly. ''Had I? I don't know anymore... it seems petty now. To bring up the past, I mean. It was so long ago... but... I guess I just wish you would trust me,... you know, a little more. I mean... you've seen me at my worst, Sirius.'' He cast an uncertain look at the dark haired man next to the bed. ''There's not much for me to hide from you anymore. Maybe I was never all that good at it in the first place, just look how quickly you found out my biggest secret back then, and I admit I was scared at first, but then... then I was kind of glad.''

''You were?''

''Yeah... I've tried to hide what I am from everybody for my whole life. But some people always knew, people who hated me for what I am. And those who didn't, pitied me. So having someone know,...'' he swallowed, '' someone who isn't disgusted by what you are, someone who still sees you as a person... it's a relief.''

''You are a person, Remus,'' Sirius said in a painfully raw voice.

Remus looked up, and Sirius eyes were burning and red at the corners, and he looked like he might cry.

Remus quickly squeezed his hand back. ''I know. But not everybody sees it that way. It's okay Sirius.''

It was meant to be soothing, but his friends eyes grew even fiercer. ''It's _not_ okay! It's not okay how people treat you. You don't deserve that Remus, you have never done anything wrong!''

''They are just afraid...''

''Then they should pull the broom out of their jacksy!'' Sirius yelled, jumping up from his chair. It was amazing how Sirius seemed never able to express his feelings of outrage in a sitting position. He started to pace at the foot of the bed, shaking his head, his black hair falling in his eyes.

''Why do you let those people treat you that way? '' he asked in that raw, emotional voice. He wasn't looking at Remus. It was almost as if he was talking to himself. ''Like you are a monster. Like you don't deserve their respect and their compassion. How can you just accept it? Why don't you fight them?''

Now he looked at him, and Remus lowered his eyes to study his own hands on top of the blankets. He couldn't meet those fierce eyes of the man who was so much more than him.

''Maybe because I'm not as strong as you are, Sirius.''

Sirius made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. He came around to the side of his bed, falling to his knees and taking hold of Remus' hand again.

''You, Remus Lupin, are the strongest person I have _ever _met. You think any one of them could take what you take? You think any one of them has even a freaking idea what it is like? Being a werewolf has shaped your life and the person you've become, but it is not what you _are_. It's just a part of you, like your freaking tea obsession! It's been painful, and it will be in the future, but it has also made you stronger, and it has made you the person you are now. And. I. Love. This. Person. Can you get that into your head, Moony?''

Remus could only stare, there were no words in his mind to form speech. Luckily, Sirius didn't expect him to answer.

''I don't tell you that you're not a monster because I think a werewolf is a cuddly puppy. I know that you want nothing more but to rip a human being to shreds on the nights of the full moon. But that is something you can't help, just like a dragon can't help breathing fire. It doesn't say anything about the person you are. The kind of person you are isn't about the lot you get in life, Remus, it's not about where you come from, it's about the choices you make. And you have done pretty damn great in that department!''

Remus blinked quickly. It really wouldn't do to go all teary-eyed now. Hearing Sirius say this was like bathing in warm sunshine, but he knew that Sirius had it wrong. That he was more monster than man, not only on the full moon.

''I... you don't know what it's like,'' Remus whispered. ''I can feel it, sometimes, while being... human.'' He was scared, but there was also an almost overwhelming need to confess. So that Sirius wouldn't l-_like_ him for something he wasn't. He wanted him to see the monster and do the unthinkable and not turn away. ''I can feel the wolf in me. Most times he is deeply hidden, but sometimes, when something angers him or... or... _attracts_ him, he presses forward.''

Sirius frowned at him. ''Like what?''

''Well, when someone threatens a member of his pack or...''

He trailed off, hesitating.

''Or?''

''Or...'' His voice grew as faint as possible, like he wanted to say the words without saying them. ''Or when there is blood... fresh blood attracts him.''

Sirius frowned. ''Okay..., I guess that makes sense. And I can see that this might be... strange. But it's not like you are a threat to anyone. You have control over yourself. Hell, you are probably the most controlled person I know, Moony!''

''You don't understand!'' Remus pressed on desperately. ''It is _disgusting... _Sirius, back then, when you... when I found you... there was so much blood, and I was so afraid, but the blood... I liked the blood. I'm... awful. An abomination...''

Full of despair, Remus finally managed to look his friend in the eye. What he was expecting was shock, disappointment and possibly revulsion and horror. But Sirius' face was filled with compassion and sorrow when he came up to sit on the bed. He was smiling at Remus, but his eyes were sad.

''No, you're not,'' he said quietly. ''You have an illness, Remus, a curse that was put upon you, and you are making the best of it. When you found me, you didn't wallow in the sight of my blood. You didn't even give in to your fear. You _saved _me, Remus. Don't you see that this is all that counts?''

Remus looked at Sirius' face, open and bare of any of the masks he liked to wear, and it was only with a real effort that he managed to not embarrass himself by letting his tears fall.

The transformations always left him raw, not only his body, but his mind and soul as well. Like his armour had been ripped away, and he had to build it up again with shaking hands. And up to seven years ago, Sirius had been his greatest comfort in these aftermaths. Maybe it was because Sirius understood about being hurt and scared, he wasn't sure, but he calmed and soothed something inside him. Therefore it had always been Remus' biggest and most secret fear that Sirius would one day look at him, and really see him, and draw back in disdain.

And then when he had found out that they had switched, and that they had not told him... it was a bucket of ice-cold water. All his doubts seemed to be confirmed. Because what else could be the reason... The reason he had never known that Peter became the secret keeper. The reason that his friends had not trusted him anymore. With the war spreading, and more and more horror sweeping them all away in a tidal wave, they had seen what a werewolf was really like. Voldemort had a whole pack on his side, led by Greyback, the most vicious of their kind. The one who had turned Remus as well. The one who had made him into a monster in the image of himself.

He had to know.

''Sirius.''

''Yeah.''

''Why did you think I was the one who worked for Voldemort?''

-x-

The question rang in the air. And Sirius knew it was one of those questions which leave you no option but to give an honest answer, no matter what. The problem was, he wasn't sure if he _knew _that answer. Back then, in those dark times of fear and suspicion, not everything had been defined and decided by logic.

''We didn't think you worked for Voldemort... no, let me finish,'' he pleaded, when Remus opened his mouth to protest. ''… I don't know how to explain really, but I'll try...''

Rising to his feet, he went over to the tall window, looking out over the snow dusted hills, his back turned to the werewolf in the bed. ''How can I ask you to forgive that we didn't trust you enough?'' The helpless regret was evident in his voice. ''James and I, we didn't really talk about it, you know. None of us wanted to believe that any of us could betray the others. But we knew someone had. And it had to be someone close to James and Lily. That much we knew. You know they had only narrowly escaped three attacks already.''

He turned back to Remus, leaning against the windowsill with one slim hip. Arms crossed over his chest he looked the other man in the eye, as if to receive his judgement.

''It was me, you see,'' he said quietly. ''I was afraid... I was crazy with worry. The idea that I could lose them, my family, was choking me. And then we learned that they had become his main target, there was that stupid prophecy, and we knew he wouldn't rest until he caught and killed James and Lily. And Harry, Remus! My Harry...''

His voice broke, caught in the memories and the pain of the past. Decisions that had been made, mistakes that could not be taken back.

''Dumbledore told us the only chance would be a Fidelius Charm. The obvious idea was to use me as a secret keeper. Too obvious really... we talked about it, James, Lily and me. And we did not have much time... the threat was real and there and he could find them anytime... Remus... we... I didn't want to suspect you. I really couldn't imagine that you would betray us, you have to believe me. But we had been seeing you less and less... I felt like you were withdrawing from us, and I didn't know why... you were keeping secrets, and I was... I was angry, I know that was petty, and childish and...'' He ran a hand through his hair in a useless gesture, since it only fell back around his face in sleek glossy black waves like it always did. ''And then _he, _that miserable little rat,kept dropping hints, it's no excuse, I know that! But in the end, I wouldn't have trusted my own shadow anymore. I was so scared for them, that I became more and more paranoid. And James... Merlin, James could only worry about Lily and Harry. So we agreed. We would involve as few people as possible. After all anyone could be captured, anyone could be tortured and tell about the ploy we had thought of. The fewer people who knew, the more perfect our deception. That's what we told ourselves. So it was only James and Lily, me as the official secret-keeper to get Him of the track, and... Peter.''

Sirius buried his head in his hands, pressing the heels against his eyes and taking a deep breath. His body seemed to tremble for a moment before he raised his head and met Remus' eyes again.

''I was prepared to die. And I will never forgive myself that I let them die instead. Never. But I didn't think you worked for Voldemort, Remus. Not really. Not with my heart.''

''And what about your reason? Sirius, can you honestly tell me that you didn't see Greyback and his pack, following the bloody tracks of _him_,... and that you didn't understood then what I really am?''

Three long strides, and Sirius was next to him again. ''You are _nothing _like Greyback! How can you even say that?''

''How can you be sure? For all you know he might be a nice chap, if he isn't murdering and ripping people apart that is.''

''He isn't!''

''How do you know?''

''Because I met him, okay?'' Sirius yelled, and there was so much anguish in his voice that Remus stared at him in shock. ''He was horrible! He was a monster, even while sitting at my parents' dinner table, acting all well-mannered. He told me becoming a werewolf had been the best thing that ever happened to him. That the power was glorious. That the taste of blood was more delicious when they were young and pretty. That he loved their tears. If he could, he would find them later and take them away from their parents. That he would teach them and make them his. There was no doubt, no guilt or shame for what he had done. There was nothing human in him. Not because he was a werewolf, but because he was evil! And now you tell me that hearing that, you would have not felt like throwing up! That you would have liked it!''

-x-

Remus couldn't do anything but stare wide-eyed at the burning grey eyes of his friend. It was true, just hearing Sirius say those things had made him feel sick. Thinking that Greyback would have liked to take him away too... his stomach rebelled and he swallowed against the bile that rose up in his throat.

''Why... how... your _parents _were...associating with him?''

Sirius sank down at the foot of the bed, shaking his head. ''No,'' he said tiredly, ''normally they wouldn't. Filthy half-breeds, you see. Not their kind. It was a special favour to _me_. To hurt me. Making me dine with the monster that had almost killed my friend, making me listen to him... '' he trailed off.

''You never told me. When was this?''

''Christmas holidays in our fifth year.''

Remus breath caught. Christmas holidays that year, Sirius had been ordered home like so often. The only difference was, that time none of them had clapped him on the back to say goodbye. None of them had written him a letter during the holidays. None of them had even spoken to him. And then, when Sirius came back to Hogwarts early, he went into the bathroom, sat down in the shower, and cut his wrists with his own wand.

"What happened that Christmas?"

''What do you mean?'' Sirius asked tiredly. He felt so tired.

''Something must have happened.''

"Remus, there was _always_ something happening when I was back at my parents."

"Did they… did they do something to you?"

Sirius looked at him.

''They did, didn't they?''

-x-

There is one thing in the world that gives us strength to endure almost everything. The thought that one day things will be better again. It's called hope. And if we lose it, we might just as well lose ourselves.

_When Sirius stepped out of the fire place in the great entrance hall he was greeted with gloomy silence. It was late already and Sirius was just about to breathea sigh of relief, when a voice like nails on a blackboard rang through the hall._

_''Well, well, if it isn't the outcast crawling back to the bosom of the family.''_

_Sirius raised his eyes up towards Walburga Black, standing like a statue on the upper balcony._

_''You didn't give me much choice, did you, mother?'' _

_Even in the dim light he could see her deadly glare, which remained her only facial reaction._

_''Do you think this is the way to show your mother the respect she deserves?''_

_''If you put it that way.''_

_''Very well.'' The corners of her mouth crinkled in what would have been a smile on someone else. ''Obviously you want to stay the night in the cellar rather than in your bedroom. It's so much more appropriate for Gryffindor filth, so I suppose you feel right at home. I'll talk to you tomorrow then.''_

''I told you that this was one of her favourite ways to punish me. I hated that cellar. But there were other things, many things... Every painful punishment, magic can inflict. My father was rather creative.'' Sirius voice was calm and kind of dead. ''I hated everything they believed in, and so they hated me. I was a disappointment, even more, I was a disgrace. And they would make sure to let me know. But this time... this time I couldn't, I didn't fight back.''

_She turned her back on him, and before Sirius could stop himself, he spoke words that made him cringe and loath the breath that carried them from his tongue. _

_''No. Please. Not the cellar.''_

_His mother turned around again, and he could see the hidden surprise and the open gloating. _

_''Not the cellar, hm? Did you change your mind about the proper behaviour in this house?''_

_''I... I will try.''_

_''Oh no, Sirius, my darling, you will _obey._''_

_''Y-Yes, mother.''_

_There was a faint little pop and Kreacher appeared next to him. He made a little bow, although it looked more mocking than respectful. Not that Sirius cared._

_''Welcome home, Master Sirius.,'' he said slyly, just to go on in a softer, but still very audible voice, ''Back so that he can sully the noble House of Black, the filthy little Bloodtraitor. The poor Mistress deserves better!'' _

_Sirius ground his teeth and didn't say anything. He didn't want to give the nasty little bugger the satisfaction. Kreacher snapped his fingers over Sirius' trunk and it rose into the air, floating up the staircase with the house-elf in its wake. Sirius wanted nothing more than to follow them, and crawl into his bed, fall asleep and forget everything else. But he had not been dismissed yet._

_''Is father home?'' he asked after the silence grew too oppressive. He hated how he had to look up to her from his position down in the hall, and he knew that was exactly the reason she made him stay. _

_''No. He will be back late. You can greet him tomorrow.''_

_And why did that idea make him shiver?_

_''Can I go to my room now?''_

_Walburga Black raised a thin black eyebrow._

_''Please,'' Sirius added, bowing his head._

_She waited a few moments before she answered. Made him wait, silent and obedient. _

_''Very well. I will see you at breakfast tomorrow.''_

_And then she was gone and Sirius let out a soft sigh of relief._

_His room was as he had left it apart from a thin layer of dust. There were more important things for the house-elves to do than cleaning his room. He took out his wand and waved it around trying to make it better, but he was lousy with these kindsof spells. He didn't give much thought to underage-magic_ _restrictions. After all he had performed for his father since he could walk, talk and hold a wand._

''Bet you never thought I would be that pathetic, did you? I begged her. And she savoured it. That was my mother. But I just didn't have the strength to fight anymore.''

_He lay down on the bed, staring at the green canopy. Everything was green here, even in the room of the Gryffindor. Apart from the banners, that was, which only lived to see this day due to the permanent sticking charms he had put on them. It had felt so good to hang them up, even if the beating he got for it was severe. Though not as severe as the one when his parents had realised that they couldn't be removed. Now that had been a party. He had no skin left on his back when his father was through with him._

_What he would give for a beating like this. He wouldn't mind the pain and the words filled with hateful disappointment, if he could just have the other one back. The one who made him endure it all. The one who laughed with his friends, the one who beat the living shit out of a Bludger on the Quidditch pitch, the one who crept through secret passages after curfew, the one who was friends with a werewolf and could make him smile after a full moon, the one who would exchange a look with his best friend and know it all. The one who was invincible. He had been supposed to be invincible._

_There_ _were long hours of lying on the bed immobile and staring and loathing himself before he fell asleep._

''I don't want to bore you with the details. Let's just say the next days weren't much fun. But I made it through them. But then... then everything went to hell on Christmas Day.''

_The days of the Christmas holidays dragged with an excruciating slowness, and Sirius had yet to get the beating he had been longing for. There had been some burning and stinging hexes, since he just couldn't please his parents, no matter what, even if he didn't do anything to purposely defy them. And then there had been endless showcasing at soirees and dinner parties and tea and visitors, and he was dressed up, and had an expression carved into his features that his mother would let pass as a smile, and he took every damn sneer and insult directed his way, balling his fists until his palms bled._

_Until that day. On Christmas Day, it was tradition for the whole Black family to dine together. That year the gathering was held in the house of Sirius' uncle and aunt. Cygnus and Druella Black. For Sirius it had always been a nightmare to sit through these dinners, especially since Dromeda, his only ally, had been disowned a few years previously, leaving him with his two cousins from hell. Narcissa, now she was all about the disdain and that mostly left Sirius cold. But Bella... Bella was different. Bellatrix would dig her long sharp nails into you and twist. Marriage had not mellowed her either. Rudolphus was a sick bastard who loved to watch his wife play. _

_But all this was not the reason Sirius felt sick to the stomach this time. He was almost sure he could have taken all of his fanaticaland cruel family, if there wouldn't be him. _

_Narcissa's fiancé. Lucius Malfoy._

_There was no way out of it of course. His mother had only one time allowed him to stay at home from this dinner. And that had been when he accidentally on purpose broke a vase that was a five-hundred-year-old family heirloom. He had been thirteen and spent Christmas Day in the cellar, nursing his broken ribs. But his mother seemed to realise afterwards that he would prefer that to the Black Family Dinner. And so whatever he did, the punishment would be put off until later._

_So he was going. And he couldn't face him. He really couldn't. But he knew he would be made to. And as if his aunt had some way to read his mind, she put him directly opposite to the silver-blond, immaculately dressed wizard, giving him the choice to watch that bastard or bow his head and look at his plate. He felt the icy blue eyes on him all through dinner. _

_He had made it to dessert, being talked about with disdain, listening to insults of his friends and people he respected. But after the Christmas pudding had been served, it happened. Lucius had acquired an addition to his elegant appearance, something Sirius would normally have sneered at, since a cane was just so old-fashioned. But then, during the Christmas pudding, he suddenly felt it. Something long and smooth was sliding between his legs. Sirius breath caught and there wasn't a muscle in his body that did not scream from the tension. The silver serpent head of the cane, for that was what it was, moved along his calf and to his knee, stroking and rubbing lazily, along his inner thigh..._

_Sirius felt it swell inside of him, this feeling of dams breaking and walls crumbling. And then the whole dinner table exploded in a cloud of glass and food and wine and porcelain. _

_The silence which reigned when the dust had settled was deadly. _

_Lucius coughed and smoothed his hair back, wiping some shards from his robes. _

_''You have a rather explosive temperament, dear_ _cousin,'' he said with a smile that spoke of a victory savoured._

''At Christmas dinner, with the whole family,... it got too bad, and in the end I lost my temper. In an outburst of accidental magic I blew up the whole table. You can probably imagine that my parents weren't too happy with me. When we got home, my father pulled all the stops.''

_The beating Sirius got after this was nothing like any other he ever had before. His father didn't stop. Every time he began to ease up on him, he would hiss ''You just don't learn!'' and then he would start all over anew. In the end Sirius passed out._

_When he woke up again in his room, sore but obviously healed for the most part, his mother stood in the doorway and told him to be down for dinner at seven o'clock sharp._

''My mother told me, since I obviously had no interest in dining with my family, they had invited someone, who's company I might enjoy more,... since I seemed so keen on half-breeds.''

_Sirius felt too drained to feel dread. He just wanted to get through it, so that he could go back to Hogwarts... then he remembered that Hogwarts held nothing for him anymore. There was no escape. Not for him. He was nothing but that pathetic little shit._

_The dinner guest was Greyback of course, though Sirius only found out in the middle of it just who was sitting across from him. And, yes, he managed to not throw up on his mother's elf-woven damask table-cloth. He made it into the hall and relieved his stomach into the umbrella stand. _

''It was the cellar again after that. And then I was kicked out, back to Hogwarts.''

_He spent another night and day in his mother's favourite prison for him, alone with his ghosts and his self-disgust. And when he was allowed to come out, there wasn't much left of him to return to school. _

_And then he was back at Hogwarts, and he knew he should feel light and joyful. Knew the appropriate feelings, but they wouldn't come. The corridors looked dark and gloomy instead of mysterious. When he walked past them, he could hear the paintings whispering, and he wondered how much they knew. He started to run. Faster and faster, and when he came to stand in the middle of his own dorm room he started to laugh. It turned into sobs when he fell to his knees in the middle of the room, which was full of faint memories of laughter, but empty now and holding nothing but the promise of silence and rejection. He scrambled to his feet rushing into the adjoining bathroom, not sure what he wanted there apart from getting out of the room he had shared with his friends. His own face looked at him from the mirror across the room and he drew his wand, making it shatter with one slashing movement. Something hit his cheek and arm. A short sharp pain, leaving a dull throbbing one. He looked at the shred that had cut his skin and at the red blood that welled up from the cut. It felt good. _

''I knew things would never be the same. And I hated what I had become. I smashed the mirror, but really, I wanted to crush myself. And the pain felt good, and the blood... well you know what happened then.''

_He took off his shirt and stumbled towards the shower. But he couldn't bring himself to do the task of cleansing. Instead he beat his fists against the tiles until the skin broke. He would never be clean again, there was too much dirt, too much blackness clinging to him. It was in his blood. He looked at the cut again. And then he held out his white wrist in front of him, staring at the blue veins running under the skin. So fucking breakable. He pointed his wand to his wrist and slashed._

_He felt numb and that was good. The world around him became more and more foggy and that was good too. But he was cold. Was he lying on the floor? It was cold. There was a throbbing in his arms and his hands were sticky. He could feel his heart beating like a caught animal, tired from struggling. He was so tired. So tired..._

_sirius Sirius SIRIUS!_

_There was a voice and it seemed agitated. There were hands and they were hot against his cold skin. Someone touched his face, but his eyelids were made of lead. His wand was pulled from his hand, and there was the tingling of magic, and something warm pressed against the pain in his wrist. Just for the blink of an eye there were frightened, tear-filled eyes in front of him, and then he heard the words._

„_I forgive you. Do you hear me? I forgive you, Sirius. But you have to promise me... you have to promise me to never do something like this again." _

''You saved me.''

_I forgive you. _

_Hope._

''Forgive me... please, Sirius, forgive me.''

Sirius looked up at his friend. Remus' face was a picture of devastation, and there were tears in his eyes.

Sirius shook his head.

"Remus... don't do that,'' he pleaded. ''I didn't tell you to... please don't start blaming yourself now. You didn't know _any_ of that. I had never told you anything about it, how it really was, on purpose! I didn't want you to see me like that. I didn't want to _be _like that. And with you I wasn't. But then I messed up, I ruined everything, and it was my fault... You had every right to hate me."

"But I didn't!'' Remus cried, and now the salty drops spilled down his cheeks. ''I didn't hate you! Don't you know that I could never get myself to hate you, Sirius? Even when I wanted to... even when I thought it had been you! When I thought you were the traitor, I _wanted_ to hate you. I told myself again and again that I did! But I couldn't. I couldn't, and I hated myself because of it! And I'm sorry, so, so sorry... because I should have known! I should have known that you don't have betrayal in your heart! I should have believed in you, Padfoot..."

''We've been over this, Remus. You had reason. There was evidence.''

''I should have tried!'' Remus yelled. ''I tried... I tried to get permission to visit you, but the request was denied, and I just accepted it. I didn't fight. I never was a fighter, not like you. And you know why I didn't? Because I was scared! Because I was a bloody coward who couldn't face you! I couldn't look you in the eyes, because I was afraid of what I would see. I was afraid that our friendship, that _your_ friendship had been just a delusion. Stupid, delusional Remus, thinking someone cares for him... I was afraid I would lose all that you have been to me...''

''Remus...''

''All the times you were there for me, all the memories, it didn't make sense, and I should have found a way, I should have asked you, but I gave up, I gave up on you, Sirius, and I'm sorry for that...''

''Remus.''

''I should have known!''

A small smile blossomed on Sirius' face. ''Is this an 'I love you too'?''

And Remus looked at him, openly, desperate, almost like he was baring his soul.

''Yes.''

Sirius reached out his right hand to curl around Remus'. It was cold as ice.

''I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry...'' Remus mumbled. ''I'm-''

But Sirius silenced him, lightly pressing the tips of his fingers against Remus' lips.

''Shhh... none of that, Moony. There was nothing you could have done.''

''I should have trusted you,'' Remus said miserably.

Sirius couldn't take it. He scooted forward and pulled his friend into a hug that was both giving and seeking comfort, and that told more than all words combined.

''It's okay,'' Sirius mumbled, ''We both made mistakes. I should have been more honest. But back then, it was my only way to survive. Let's just not make the same mistakes again.''

Remus nodded into Sirius' shoulder. He hesitated for a moment, and Sirius could feel the tension when he whispered, ''There is something else, though, isn't there... something you're not telling me?''

A deep breath.

''Yes.''

''Do you think you will tell me one day?''

''Maybe.''

He had promised to be honest after all.

Remus drew back and gave him a small smile.

''Okay.''

Seeing the fatigue in Remus features, Sirius leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his pale forehead.

''Sleep now, Moony. I'll be there when you wake up.''

-xox-

The last embers of the fire were glowing in the darkness of the living-room, and Sirius could hardly keep his eyes open. He had not slept for the last two nights after all. But he was waiting. He leaned his head against the side of the wing chair, staring ahead into the dying fire.

After the bodily and emotionally strain, Remus had slept for most of the day, only waking up for a short time when Sirius gave him another dose of the potions. Alone with himself in the silent rooms of the cottage, Sirius had been left with a lot of time to think. About things he had tried to not think about too much since he had left Azkaban. After all they had occupied his mind in almost every waking minute he had spent there, and all through the nights as well. When he got out of there he pushed it all away, as far as possible. Luckily there had been Harry. Taking care of his little pup had taken all of his attention, and so his ghosts had visited him only in his nightmares.

But now that he was back in the reality, and with Remus who always had been too good at reading his thoughts and moods, they all came crawling back in. And he couldn't run from them. It was as if they were all imprisoned here with him. His sneering mother. His cold, unrelenting father. His angry brother. His cackling cousin. His dead best friend. And Lucius Malfoy, trying to make him crawl again.

And Remus. Remus who wanted answers. Deserved them too. It was just that Sirius felt like there was so much ugliness inside him, that if he let it all out, it would engulf him in endless night forever.

Surprisingly enough though, being honest with his friend about his childhood and that last Christmas at Grimmauld Place, had not given the ghosts more power, but rather had made them seem smaller and less threatening. So maybe Remus was right. Maybe having someone who knew and cared and didn't judge was actually good. But there still were those shameful hidden wounds, things that made him sick just thinking about it. There were places he never wanted to go again. Not even in his mind.

But he felt calmer now. The ghosts had retreated for a while. And he was waiting. The room was silent apart from the ticking of the clock and the sizzling from the fireplace.

Sirius' eyelids dropped and his body slumped, as the tension that had kept him up these last days slowly left him.

He woke up with a start when the fire suddenly roared up in flames of green.

He scrambled out of the chair and sank down in front of the hearth. Harry looked at him from out of the flames.

Sirius' face brightened into a smile, and he felt as if a light had been ignited in the darkness of his soul.

''Hey pup,'' he said tenderly, ''can't tell you how happy I am to see you.''

Harry looked at him hopefully, but there was doubt as well. ''You are?'' he whispered.

Sirius eyes were sympathetic. ''Of course I am, Harry. I'm sorry I had to send you back yesterday. I just couldn't talk to you at that moment.''

Harry bowed his head. ''I know, you told me not to come. I'm sorry that I was bad. Please don't be angry.''

''I'm not angry with you Harry! I probably should have explained better... it's just that the reason I didn't want you to come is... complicated.''

Harry nodded, not looking at him. ''Okay,'' he whispered.

His face looked so small and lost, that Sirius damned the circumstances that didn't allow him to reach out and stroke over that tussled hair to reassure his small godson. Harry was so eager for these small gestures of tenderness, having been starved of any kind of caress his whole life.

''Harry? Is there something else? Is something wrong?''

Harry was chewing his lip, obviously unsure about something.

''Yesterday you said you wanted to talk to me. Is something bothering you?''

''It's just... I was wondering... what will happen... after you are free.''

Sirius winced slightly, hearing the doubtless conviction in his godson's statement. But he decided to indulge him a little.

''What ever you want, Harry. I have some money. So, if I go free, we can go wherever you like, do what ever you want to do. Within reason.'' He smiled at the little boy.

''So... I will still be able to see you?'' Harry's large green eyes stared at him hopefully.

Sirius frowned. ''Of course you will, Harry. I... I'm planning to take custody of you. For us to be a family. Don't you want that?'' He swallowed, forcing himself to ask the next question. ''Have you changed your mind? Would you rather stay with the Weasleys?''

Harry shook his head. ''No! No, but... I think I have to.''

''Why would you have to stay with the Weasleys, Harry?'' Sirius asked confused. ''Did Mrs Weasley say so?''

Another shake of the head. ''But they want to... adoption me.'' Harry watched him unhappily. ''And then they will be my family, won't they? And... I was wondering... if I could still see you.'' Two glistening tears rolled down his cheeks. ''I guess I can't live with you then... but maybe I could still visit sometimes... if Mrs Weasley would allow... I'm not sure if she would...''

Sirius heart broke for his little boy. ''Harry. Listen to me. These things haven't been decided yet. If I get off... if they let me go, I will fight tooth and nail for us to become a family. Molly Weasley doesn't get to decide this on her own. But... just in case things don't turn out as we would like ... if I'm convicted and can't take care of you... maybe then the Weasleys wouldn't be so bad?''

''Will I still be able to see you?'' Harry asked desperately.

Oh Merlin. How to explain to a child that there might not be anything left of him for Harry to visit.

''I... I don't know, Harry... maybe they will take me very far away and... there might not be the possibility for you to go there.''

''Will you die?'' Harry sobbed.

''Oh Harry...''

And then he did what any father would have done in this situation. He spread his arms.

''Come here.''

And Harry stumbled forward, through the fire, and into his godfather's waiting arms. Leaning back against the seat of the wing chair, Sirius held the little boy close, rocking him as he cried into his shoulder.

''I'll do my best, Harry. I promise you, I will fight with all I've got. And if I come out of the trial as a free man, nothing and no one will keep me away from you. I won't let anyone stop us from being a family. I swear.''

''I will tell them... I will tell them that they have to let you go.''

''I know. And that's very brave of you, Harry, and I'm grateful that you want to do that for me. But if they don't believe you, I don't want you to blame yourself, okay? You just tell them the truth, and then we cross our fingers, and hope that fate will have mercy on us. After all, it has really taken us for a hard ride until now.''

''And you still want me?'' Harry looked up at him, sniffling.

''I will always want you. You are the most important thing in my life Harry. The reason I'm still standing. And I won't let Molly Weasley take you away from me.''

Harry sighed in relief, relaxing against him. ''I thought... maybe... now that you have Remus, you won't need me anymore.''

Sirius squeezed the small body in his lap. ''Remus is a very good friend Harry, and I love him very much. But I will always love and need you the most. Because you are my little pup. Whatever would I do without you?''

He smiled at the happily glowing face of his godson.

''But I guess Remus will not be very impressed with me, for allowing you to come here,'' he said with a grin.

Harry's eyes grew worried. ''Will he be mad?''

''Not with you. Your Uncle Moony has a very soft spot for you.'' Sirius smiled at the boy to reassure him. ''But he might scold me a little for being so reckless.''

''Uncle Moony?''

''Moony is what we called Remus when we were going to school, and I still do today sometimes. It's like calling you my 'pup'. It means that we like him.'' Sirius studied the attentively listening boy. ''Would you like that? If Uncle Moony was part of our family?''

Harry seemed to consider this, then he nodded. ''He is nice.'' He looked around the room with a small frown. ''Where is he? Is he not here with you?''

''He is upstairs. He feels a little ill. Would you like to see him?''

Harry nodded.

''Okay then,'' Sirius gave him an encouraging pat on the bum, and Harry scrambled off his lap.

-x-

Sirius took the boy by the hand and led him to the steps and upstairs to Remus' bedroom. He pushed the door open and let Harry step inside. Remus was still asleep. Harry went over to the bed, looking at the sleeping wizard and then raised his worried eyes to his godfather.

''What is wrong with him?'' he asked in a hushed voice.

Sirius came around the bed and sat down in the armchair next to it, pulling Harry up on his knee.

''Harry, do you remember what I told you about me and your dad being able to turn into animals, and why we learned to do that?''

Harry creased his forehead in concentration. He remembered that Sirius had told him a story about that, but he didn't remember all the details.

''Do you know what a werewolf is?'' Sirius asked again.

''A monster?'' Harry asked uncertainly.

Sirius smiled. ''That's what Muggles think of them. And unfortunately quite a few wizards think the same. But it's like with witches in the Muggle world. They just have a bad reputation.''

''What is a repuptation?''

''It's what other people, people who don't know you, think of you. You know how in Muggle fairy tales the witches are always very bad and ugly and eat little children and all that nonsense?''

Harry nodded.

''But you have met Madam Pomfrey, and she is a witch, but she's not ugly, she's very nice and kind, isn't she?''

Harry nodded again.

''So the people who tell those stories are very wrong, and it's the same with werewolves. Werewolves are normal people like you and me. Only for the nights with a full moon, that's about once a month, they transform into a wolf. When they do that, they don't know who they are anymore. They can't remember their lives and families, and have no control over their actions. Don't misunderstand me, Harry,'' Sirius looked at his godson sharply, ''such a werewolf is very dangerous, because its prey is humans. The wolf smells them and wants to hunt them, just like any other predator hunts its prey. So if they come across another person during these nights they would kill them or at least bite them and in this way curse them to the same fate. Do you understand that?''

Harry nodded, his eyes wide and frightened. Sirius smiled at him sadly.

''Most people are very unhappy to be werewolves, they don't want to hurt anybody, but they can't prevent the transformation. So these people lock themselves away on full moon nights. They make sure that they can't get out and bite anyone. Do you know that last night was a full moon night?''

Harry shook his head.

''It was. And your Uncle Moony locked himself up in the cellar. Because he is a werewolf.'' Sirius was glad to see that Harry didn't draw back from the bed at this news, but kept listening to his godfather's tale.

''You see Harry, turning into a wolf is painful. And when Remus becomes a wolf, he doesn't know anymore that there is a good reason why he is locked up. He gets very, very angry. And he hurts himself trying to get out of his prison. It is especially bad if he can smell that there is a human close to him, that is why I couldn't talk to you yesterday. When I'm in my dog form, I smell differently to Moony and he knows me as his playmate. But yesterday night someone else came to the cottage and Remus smelled him and hurt himself badly.'' Sirius stroked Harry's hair back and smiled at him. ''But now he is already much better. Just a little tired.''

There was a grunting coming from the bed, and then Remus' sleepy voice, asking, ''Who are you talking to, Padfoot?''

Sirius winced.

''Now don't get angry, Moony.''

Remus' head turned around towards them drowsily, but the moment he saw Harry he bolted upright. ''Sirius!'' he cried, ''have you gone completely bonkers? How in Merlin's great name did Harry get here? What have you done?''

''Now, calm down and lay back again,'' Sirius tried to sooth him, ''don't put too much strain on your wounds. Harry came through the floo.''

Remus glared at him. ''And just how might he have managed that?''

''I send him instructions and some powder in the last letter.''

His friend closed his eyes, obviously distressed. ''Have you any idea how much trouble we'll be in if this gets out?''

''I didn't mean to let him come through in the beginning, Moony. But sometimes people are in need of a good cuddle.'' Sirius raised his eyes meaningfully. ''Don't you think?''

''I'm sorry Uncle Moony,'' Harry said softly. ''Please don't be angry with Sirius, I just wanted to visit you both.''

Remus send the grinning black-haired wizard another glare, that quite clearly said that he knew exactly what Sirius was doing.

_Uncle Moony?_ he mouthed.

Sirius' grin grew even wider.

Remus tried very much to keep the glare, but couldn't help but smile at the adorable display next to his bed. A happily grinning Sirius with an uncertain but hopeful Harry on his lap.

''It's okay, Harry, don't worry. I'm very happy to see you,'' Remus reassured the boy with a smile, ''we just have to make sure no one will be the wiser.''

''Oh don't worry, Moony, its late. Everyone is asleep. Give him another hour, and then we send him back to bed.'' Sirius stood up from the armchair, letting Harry slip to his feet in front of him. ''And now scoot over so that we can make ourselves a little comfortable.''

Remus sighed but obeyed, trying to hide his amusement. Sirius sat down with his back against the headboard, letting Harry snuggle in between them, leaning against his godfather.

It didn't take long for the little boy to fall asleep. It was after all way beyond his bedtime.

''Don't you think we should send him back now, Padfoot?'' Remus asked sleepily.

''Yeah,'' Sirius agreed with a yawn. ''Just give us another five minutes.''

Four minutes later nothing but soft, even breathing and an occasional snore filled the room.

TBC

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**If you would be so kind... Please leave a review. Thank you!**

**Reviewers Anonymous: **

**HebHibHob: **I promise I won't stop writing! At least not as long as I get such nice and encouraging feedback! :) And exactly about Mrs. Brisby. She ruined her life because she bowed to prejudices and she will never be able to get over that guilt. **WickedWay: **Thank you very much, glad you enjoyed the ride so far. :) And of course I am looking forward to many more reviews. I always appreciate to hear my readers opinion. **Roonil Wazlib:** If you had an account I would write you even longer answers, lol! Thank you! **Bluemoon:** I'm very happy that you liked Mrs Brisby and that she brought up these mixed feelings. The world is grey, and she's almost a tragic character. Glad you found Sirius cruelty in character, I think he can be when his loved-ones are threatened and he is faced with fanatism. **BloOm:** Bad timing indeed. And laughing about the 'cute little chapter'. I promise Harry's testimony will come. **Read addiction: **That was exactly Mrs Brisby's purpose. Glad you liked it and thank you for getting it all and all the praise! **Mia:** Really, I love you all for liking the story of the healer! Thank you for taking the scenic route with me! **Hpobssesed1234567:** I'm not sure if it was you who gave the really long lovely review? Thank you. :) Unfortunately that would get too long here, but I'll get back to you!


	16. Comfort

**A/N: Often asked questions: ''Zaira, will this be a slash fic?''**

Okay, I have to admit I would have rather not gone into this, but there have been quite some people asking about it. The reason I would rather have not said anything about it is because I like the idea that relationships don't always need a definition. That love is a feeling that can be expressed in many ways. In my story Remus and Sirius are very close. They have both been through a lot and that gives them a special connection, because they understand each other's pain better than anyone else could. But if you want to know whether or not there will be a sexual relationship between Sirius and Remus in 'The Heart's Desire', then the answer is: No.

**A/N ²: **Jogger really talked me through this one. Don't know if I could have done it without you, darling! And 'Thank You!' to ambush99 for sprinkling her magic mess-remover over this!

Really, all of you: THANK YOU SO MUCH! I felt really happy about your feedback and all the reassurance. :)

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**This one is for Amy. Because I really hope everything will be okay for you. **

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**Chapter 15 - Comfort**

''Hmhm.''

Remus' brain registered a sound and his subconscious attached the label 'worrisome' to it. But he couldn't really comprehend why that would be.

The exaggerated sound of shuffling feet was followed by a sigh.

Someone's in the room, Remus' brain declared. And Remus could only agree. That seemed to be obvious. And he was still rather sure that there was something he should be worried about. If he could just remember what that was.

He turned on his side and encountered something pleasantly warm. And soft. And a hand.

A hand!

Remus eyes popped open and his breath caught at the sight filling his field of view. Sirius' face, framed by his dark hair, was relaxed in sleep, and there was a happy smile gracing his features. Tucked right under his chin, though, with the face turned into the sleeping wizards chest, was another head with a shock of wild black hair, belonging to a small boy.

Remus' gaze travelled downwards to where small hands were holding on to dark blue robes, and long lanky arms, dressed in said robes, were wrapped around a small body, holding it loosely but still with an air of possessive and protectiveness.

''Hmhm.''

Shit.

Trembling slightly Remus turned towards the sound, coming from the foot of the bed. He raised his eyes from the blankets, sure to see a Ministry official holding him at wandpoint.

But what he encountered were the twinkling blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore, looking at him from under raised bushy white eyebrows with an expression of amused exasperation.

''I see you have a visitor,'' Albus said. ''I'm sorry to disturb you this early in the morning.''

Remus hung his head. Damn you, Sirius Black!

After a moment he coughed nervously, and prepared to shuffle out from under the blankets before he noticed that he was actually very naked from the waist down and stopped in embarrassment.

''Maybe you shouldn't overexert yourself, Remus,'' Albus said mildly, ''You still look a little out of sorts, if I may say so.''

Remus nodded mutely and pulled the blankets up around him, blushing apologetically while trying to evade the much too knowing eyes. How was it possible for Sirius to just sleep through this? Remus purposely shuffled around a little more vigorously, but to no effect. Sirius only tightened his hold on Harry, but slept on.

''Ehm...,'' the ginger haired wizard finally said, lacking his usual eloquence.

''I was a little worried after not hearing anything from neither you nor the Ministry healer yesterday, so I came to see how you're faring,'' Albus explained pleasantly, not giving any hint that showing up in the bedroom of other people at the break of dawn was something he might consider as an unusual occurrence. Nor that this might hold true for finding a little boy - who by all means should be somewhere very much else - and his godfather in Remus' bed.

He cleared his throat. ''Yes, well, there seems to have been an Auror coming to the cottage after I had transformed.''

Albus eyes lost some amusement at this news. ''I see. Do you know what happened?''

''Eh... it seems that he got thrown out.''

''Was he indeed?'' Albus asked dryly.

''Yes,... you see, Sirius, he... well, pushed him through the floo, I guess.''

''And did he send him to any particular location?'' the old Headmaster inquired curiously.

''The Hog's Head,'' Remus mumbled, glancing sideways at his peacefully slumbering friend.

Albus chuckled. ''He always was rather creative in his solutions,'' he said, and for a moment Remus had no idea if he meant Sirius, or his own brother.

''Now,'' Albus went on after a little pause, ''I see your little visitor is rather comfortable where he is, but I'm afraid it might cause problems if Harry was found here. And poor Molly will surely suffer a heart-attack when she finds his bed empty and its inhabitant gone.''

''I know...'' Remus said looking abashed. ''We didn't mean to...''

''So maybe you should let go of him now, Sirius,'' Albus went on conversationally.

Remus head whipped around, and he fixed the wizard on the other side of the bed with a glare when Sirius slowly opened one eye, and said, without the slightest hint of sleep, ''Good morning, Albus.''

-xox-

Just a little later Sirius and Albus sat across from each other at the kitchen table with their cups of tea. Sirius was still wearing the wrinkled blue robes and black trousers he had slept in, and a still sleepy Harry was snuggled on his lap in his pyjamas, leaning into his godfather and clutching a huge mug of hot chocolate. Remus had waved away all worries and refused any help with preparing breakfast. Sirius knew it was pay-back of course, because it left him to deal with their old headmaster.

But Albus had yet to start the scolding, Sirius knew was coming, and why did he feel like a little boy again? He shuffled in his seat, while holding on to the warm body of his godson. Albus sipped his tea calmly. Remus hummed, swirling a spatula. Harry yawned.

''You gonna tell me how irresponsible I am?'' Sirius finally asked challenging, fixing Albus with a stubborn look. ''Because I already got that from Remus. But what ever you two say, my little pup needed a good cuddle with all the nonsense Molly is feeding him!''

Watching the little boy, Albus couldn't help but agree. This visit seemed to have been exactly what Harry had needed. The tension and anxiety that had visibly filled his little body the last time Albus had seen him at the Burrow was gone. He seemed relaxed and happy. But Harry couldn't just crawl through the floo to visit his godfather whenever he liked. Apart from the problems that could cause at the Weasleys, when he was found here by one of the observing Aurors it could ruin Sirius already fragile defence. But Albus knew by now not to underestimate Sirius determination and stubbornness when he felt the need to protect those he cared about.

''You sent him floo powder?'' he asked neutrally.

The boy looked at him through narrowed eyes. ''Yeah.''

''And you gave him instructions?''

He smiled at him fiercely.

''You know that this is a very high risk you're taking.''

A frown appeared on Sirius' face, maybe he had detected Albus use of the present tense.

''I didn't mean for him to come through originally,'' Sirius admitted a little more meekly.

Albus eyes moved to the little boy who watched him with those big green eyes, obviously worried that he had caused trouble for his godfather. Albus smiled at him gently.

''I understand,'' he said, keeping his eyes on Harry, ''that this might have been special circumstances, but I have to emphasize the importance of such things not happening in the future. You are in a very precarious situation, Sirius.'' He met the younger wizard's eyes. ''You have to keep that in mind.''

Sirius sighed. ''Can I still send him letters?'' he asked dully, looking away.

Albus raised an eyebrow. ''Well, I think there is no real harm in that, provided that Harry sees to it that they're not found. But I doubt that Molly keeps close tracks on her own floo powder on the mantle, so I assume that letters wouldn't be needed to give Harry access.''

Sirius stared at him with a hint of contemplative suspicion. Remus stared, looking simply stunned. Harry just looked worried. Albus chuckled.

''I have to insist on Harry staying at the Burrow, though. This is especially important for his guaranteed protection. And of course you can't be seen.'' Albus smiled mysteriously. ''Although I might have something for Harry to make this easier.''

Sirius coughed, finding his speech again. ''You're saying, that Harry is allowed to talk through the fire with me?''

''Oh, I can hardly give or refuse any permission on that, since I am not his guardian. You of course are not expected to make contact to anyone outside this cottage. But since this is Remus' private home, the floo connection can't be monitored.''

Sirius didn't say anything, but he shot Albus a look that was both surprise and gratitude.

''Well, as much as I hate to miss out on Remus' breakfast, I think Harry and I had better take our leave now. If we are lucky, I might be able to bring Harry back before Molly even notices that he is gone.''

Sirius looked down at the boy on his lap, and ruffled his hair. ''You've got to go now, pup.''

''Can't I stay a little longer, please?'' Harry whispered.

The former convict pressed a kiss to the top of the child's head.

''Not today, Harry, I'm sorry. But it's not so bad. We can still see each other, okay? You can talk to me through the fire. That's something, isn't it? You just have to be really careful, so that no one will find out. You have to wait until the others are all asleep. And I will always be waiting for you here.''

''Okay,'' the boy said with a heavy sigh.

''Drink up your cocoa,'' Sirius whispered against Harry's hair, ''and then we'll see if Remus has a cloak for you to wear. You'll apparate him to the Weasleys?'' Sirius asked, meeting Albus' eyes, all calm and mature.

He had to admit that the patience and love with which the former convict treated the child was almost stunning. After all, he had been a bit of a rascal back then, and quite a few people had frowned on James' and Lily's choice of a godfather. Even at twenty, Sirius was still fighting his family's reputation.

But Albus never forgot the boy who had come to Hogwarts in his first year with the weight of the name of one of the oldest wizard families on his shoulders, a family with a reputation of beauty, cruel intelligence and a darkness that bordered on insanity. From his first day on, that boy had refused to meet anyone's expectations. And he made the most surprising friends. Friends he protected with a fervent loyalty. A very unusual boy, talented and bright, mischievous and unyielding, and with an ability to love so very fiercely, something one would not have suspected from a child of his heritage. Once again Albus wished he had trusted his instincts rather than his logic seven years ago. It was a mistake he would do anything to undo.

Harry was reluctant but obedient when it was time to go. A cloak and shoes were quickly transfigured, since the story would be that Albus had encountered Harry on a stroll outside. Sirius went down on one knee, and Harry hugged him with all the strength of a little boy.

''Be careful, pup, okay? And don't be scared, I won't let anyone hurt you.''

After giving Remus a swift hug as well Harry ran out the door. And just when Albus was about to follow him, Sirius called him back.

''Albus?''

He turned back towards the tall young wizard. There was that calm confidence in Sirius posture again, something that he had not witnessed since he was a much younger man, and even then it had lacked that air of maturity.

''I would like to speak to Molly Weasley. Do you think that could be arranged?''

Pure protective love, given without second thought or condition, had once already saved the life of little Harry Potter. And while Albus studied the serious grey eyes of the boy's godfather, he couldn't help but hope that Harry would be blessed by it again, even after his parent's death, in the form of the man they had chosen. Sirius Black.

-xox-

Sirius Black. There was no name that let the blonde wizard's blood run hot and his eyes grow cold more than this one. Sirius Black. When he thought of him, even when he stood right in front of him, Lucius always saw the small, slender, almost delicate boy. Those huge grey eyes. That pale smooth skin. The gleaming black tresses. All that _innocence_. From the first moment Lucius had wanted to corrupt it, to break it, to soil it. Bloody _perfect _Sirius Black.

They had not met all that often when they were young. Orion Black and his father had a carefully balanced relationship of rivalry. Private meetings were perfectly orchestrated competitions. And while there had never been an open contest of their sons again, showing off their achievements was still a favoured engagement. But much to Abraxas' delight Orion became more and more reluctant to speak off his eldest son over the years. The boy was changing. Had he been stoical before, he was now becoming obstinate and defiant. He had lost the boyish vulnerability, but Lucius knew it had to be still there, and never stopped pushing to find it. When Sirius completed the shame for his family by being sorted into Gryffindor of all places, Orion stopped taking his son anywhere altogether. That didn't mean Lucius wouldn't see that loathed child anymore, but Sirius was now always with his mother. His father seemed to barely notice him. It was something that filled Lucius with glee and secret gloating. But Sirius didn't seem to care. He didn't even react to the whispered insults which became louder and more blatant with time. There was nothing that seemed to shake the ice-prince. But Lucius wanted him to feel it. Wanted him to cry, spilling crystal tears from those soulful eyes down over those perfect cheeks.

His stroke of luck came in the way of a marriage proposal. The other side of the Black family, Cygnus Black, Sirius' uncle, had his eyes on the riches of the Malfoys, and they had a gem in their pocket that they planned to swap at a high exchange rate. Narcissa Black was easily the most beautiful witch of her age, and just the sort of woman Lucius imagined by his side. Unfortunately his first impression was that, apart from being extraordinarily beautiful, she was a little dull. Not stupid, but they certainly didn't share the same interests. Not that this was much of a hindrance. And she provided Lucius with something else. A connection to the hot and haughty teenager Sirius had become. She was the door to the secrets, the path to his desire.

Also with Narcissa there came Bella. Three years older, she had joined the ranks of their Dark Lord earlier than him, but that didn't keep Lucius from trying to outdo her. Bella was cruel, fascinatingly devoid of any human compassion, but, in Lucius opinion, she lacked style. More than anything that showed in the things she recounted she had done to her younger cousin. Cruel things, disgusting things, but mostly so... inept. It had only made the boy harder. But both of them had told him stories eventually, Narcissa with her nose crinkled in disgust, Bellatrix giggling with glee, about a boy who wasn't so haughty. About a boy who got what he deserved.

And Lucius had decided back then that destroying this dark angel of a boy needed an understanding of art. Sirius would be his to break.

He had to admit that he had lost sight of that. Meeting the boy grown man again after so many years of thinking, only fleetingly of course, of him in Azkaban, of what it must be doing to him, of the _poetry_, the _deliciousness_... And then seeing him again, sane, mostly, and still refusing to learn the lesson of _respect._ Lucius had just wanted to get rid of him. He should have known that it wouldn't be that easy. Because it was not supposed to be easy, it was supposed to be savoured.

Smith had not reported back like he told him to. He should have reported back the next day, and he hadn't. And no one defied Lucius Malfoy. Especially not if he was under an Imperius curse. It was after all its whole purpose, and Lucius was very good at it. Archibald Smith had been a perfect find. It was so much easier to make people do something they _wanted_ to do, really, but would never have the guts to do of their own accord. You could so easily make them believe it was their own idea. And that pathetic excuse of an Auror had been so jealous of Black that Lucius practically had him eating out of his hand. So when he didn't show up the day after the full moon, Lucius knew something was wrong.

He had sought the man out, and was met with a dull and dazed look, not that this was something new really.

''What the hell do you think you're doing?'' Lucius had asked, bowing over the cowering man, his voice low and dangerous.

Smith had looked at him, totally clueless. ''W-what do you mean Mr. Malfoy?''

''Where have you been? What happened at Lupin's cottage?'' Lucius had hissed, but Smith just stared at him dumbly.

''L-lupin's cottage? Oh... yes... when...?''

''Last. Night.''

''I... I don't know... I wasn't there the last days...''

Lucius eyes had been slits, and Smith had cringed away from him. ''You dared to disobey me?''

''D-disobey? No! I don't know... I wanted to go, but... somehow, I guess, I didn't?''

''You DIDN'T!''

Something was wrong. Smith could not have just forgotten. The suggestion, the _order,_ had been clear and deeply placed into his mind. Someone had interfered. But who? Had it been Black? Had he done magic, although it was forbidden? How had he managed to get away with it?

Lucius was seething and pacing his study. That damn little _rat_!

''Why so agitated, Lucius?'' came a voice out of the darkness. ''Something wrong?''

Lucius whipped around. A slender, glassy-eyed boy stepped into the light.

''What are you doing?'' Lucius growled. ''You know I don't want you walking around like that!''

''Why don't you stop me?'' Draco's face turned into a sneer, his little-boy voice sounding much too confident for a child of that age talking to his father. But of course it wasn't Draco talking.

''You'll over-strain his body!''

Draco sighed dramatically. ''What can I say... I was bored.'' He sprawled into Lucius armchair. ''Really, I would have expected more from my right-hand man... however did you get that position?''

''I earned it. From a wizard who was actually more than a spoiled brat. Tell me, _Tom_, what exactly did you do to help our plans along? I'm just one person. Back then we had an army. Now I have to be careful.''

''You mean anxious and half-hearted,'' Tom drawled arrogantly.

''I mean sophisticated and foresighted.''

''When will you bring me the boy!'' Draco's mouth hissed.

''When it's the right time. We can't risk Black sensing the boy. There is something there, some connection. I told you I heard the old goat and the werewolf talking about it. Now, my original plan to get Black out of the way as quickly as possible seems to have failed. But I am flexible. And I think my new plan will prove most satisfactory for both of us. But _only _if you treat the body of my son with _care_. After all, I don't need you for this. All you have to do is save both of your life's energy.''

Draco's eyes narrowed. ''Be careful Lucius, you don't want to underestimate me, do you? Don't think because I look like an eight-year-old brat that you can somehow order me around. I'm still the most powerful wizard of this age.''

''Maybe,'' Lucius said coldly. ''But right now you don't have any access to that power. But I can give it to you.''

''For a price.''

''There's always a price.'' Lucius smiled thinly. ''But we have the same interests after all. I can help you rise again.''

The smile that spread over the face of Lucius' small son was cruel and complacent. He looked like a cat who had just eaten the cream and planned to have the mouse for dessert.

''Very well, _Daddy_, then I'll go back to bed,'' he drawled with a seductive timbre.

When he stalked out of the room, he left the echo of a soft, boyish laughter.

-xox-

There was a knock on the door, and a lot of yelling and rumbling inside, and then the door to the Burrow was torn open, and a flustered looking young man with long, loose red hair stood in the door in his pyjamas. When he saw the visitor on the doorstep Bill Weasley blushed even brighter than his hair, aware of the state of his dress, the state his family was in, and seeing that the visitor was the most powerful wizard alive, who had entrusted them – and Bill very much felt that included him – with a little boy whom they seemed to have lost for the second time in two weeks.

''Professor Dumbledore...''

''Ah, good morning, Mr. Weasley,'' Albus Dumbledore said cheerfully. ''I hope I am not inconveniencing you with my early visit.''

''Ehm...,'' Bill Weasley said, momentarily unsure if it was more embarrassing to talk to Professor Dumbledore only half-dressed on the doorstep, or letting him inside the house where his mother was slowly but steadily coming closer to a heart-attack.

The decision was taken out of his hands by the one in question, since Molly Weasley suddenly appeared at his side in a tartan dressing gown, hair standing in all directions, clutching her chest that heaved with erratic breaths.

''Albus, thank Merlin you're here! Harry is-''

''Right here with me,'' Albus said gently, stepping to the side and pushing Harry, who had been hiding behind him so far, towards the door.

Molly Weasley bent down immediately, and pulled the startled boy to her chest.

''Harry, oh, darling, we thought you had run away again... we were so worried when you weren't in your bed this morning. Where have you been, honey?''

''O-outside,'' came the hesitant declaration from the worried looking boy.

''Outside? This early? Oh, but Harry, you mustn't! It's dangerous for little boys to run around all alone in the middle of the night.''

'''m sorry...,'' Harry mumbled.

''He did not go very far, Molly,'' Albus said honestly. ''I found him in no danger, and we just walked up from the meadow together.''

Molly looked up at Albus, as if she was just remembering his presence. ''Oh. Yes. Thank you so much, Albus! I'm so glad Harry is alright! It's just that we were so worried! You know, since he ran off once before...'' She pressed Harry against her in what seemed to be an unconscious gesture, stroking his hair, while the boy remained tense and sent nervous glances from one adult to the other.

''We might have over-reacted a little,'' Bill said with a grin at Harry, and the boy sent him a shy smile.

''Well, Harry shouldn't wander around alone at the break of dawn, of course,'' Albus said with a wink at the one in question. ''But he promised me he wouldn't do so in the future.''

''Good. That's good,'' Molly agreed a little uncertainly, like she wasn't sure if that really was the case, but felt that, since Albus Dumbledore seemed to think so, it must be true. She pulled her dressing gown further around her in the chill. ''But we're talking on the doorstep, and it's cold outside. Why don't you come in and I'll make some tea and hot chocolate. Would you like to stay for breakfast? Or was there something urgent you came around for?''

She ushered them all inside, beginning to put on kettles and pans while sending the children upstairs to get dressed. Harry was really glad to be able to leave the kitchen.

-x-

Harry ran up the stairs with Ron and into their bedroom. But as soon as they entered the room, the door was closed behind them with a dull sound, and Harry spun around startled. Ron stood in front of the door, watching him closely with equal parts of curiosity and accusation.

''Where have you been?'' the redhead asked, and there was hurt shining through that the boy would never have admitted to.

Harry looked at his friend uncertainly. ''Outside.''

It had after all been good enough for Mrs. Weasley. But apparently it wasn't for Ron.

''I don't believe you!'' Ron said angrily. ''Your cloak and shoes were still there. Those you're wearing aren't yours! And when I woke up last night, you were already gone, and that was hours ago!''

Harry blushed crimson, desperately trying to find something to say, but he wasn't very good at lying. Uncle Vernon, too, had always known when he did, and then he really didn't want to lie to his friend.

''I-I promised not to say,'' he said softly.

''I thought you would have told me, if you wanted to run away!'' Ron said, glaring at him. ''I wouldn't have told! I told you I wouldn't! But I thought we were friends, and friends don't lie to each other!''

''I didn't want to run away!'' Harry babbled desperately. ''I swear, I didn't! I didn't even want to leave the house, I mean, I didn't plan to, not really... please, don't be angry with me!''

''Then where have you been all this time? Because you certainly were nowhere around here. We searched the whole house!''

''I... you won't tell anyone?''

''Of course I won't!'' Ron rolled his eyes, arms still crossed over his small chest. ''I didn't say anything about the other stuff either, did I?

That was true. Ron had been keeping his promise. And he was his friend. And friends told each other the truth.

''I was with Sirius,'' Harry whispered, watching the other boy hesitantly for a reaction.

Ron stared at him with a frown. ''I don't believe you. How could that be? I thought he was at Mr. Lupin's, and that's really far, and there are hundreds of Aurors and such. How would you have gotten there?''

''He sent me some of that powder, that makes it so you can travel through the fire. And he told me how I could use it to talk to him! Here, look!'' Harry reached under his mattress and pulled out the two letters and the photograph, showing them to his friend. It was a little strange to let someone else see what were his most precious treasures, but Ron was his bestest friend after all.

Ron looked at the letter and the rest of the powder, but what really drew his attention was the photograph.

''Are they your parents?'' he whispered the question.

Harry nodded. ''And Sirius. He was their best man. It's their wedding,'' he added unnecessarily.

''He looks different.''

''That was before he was in prison,'' Harry said apologetically.

That was true, but what neither Harry nor Ron could understand, being much too young for these kind of things, was that the photograph was also taken before Sirius had lost his best friend, his family, for which he blamed himself regardless what anybody else said. The last seven years had changed Sirius' appearance. And while Remus did his best to get rid of his friend's 'underfed convict' look, there were some things that would forever be imprinted in the still rather young wizard's features.

''So... you went to the cottage through the floo?'' Ron asked. ''I didn't think that would work.''

Harry shrugged. Most of the wizard-things, how he dubbed them, were still a mystery to him.

''But why did you come home with Dumbledore then?''

''I fell asleep, and I think Sirius and Remus did too. Mr. Dumbledore came this morning and he said it would be better if we didn't tell anyone where I had been. He said I could talk to Sirius again, but not go through. And I have to be really careful that no one sees me.''

Ron nodded. He knew his mother would not be happy about this, and would never allow it if she knew. But there were a lot of things his mother didn't allow, and that had never held any of the Weasley boys back. Well, maybe apart from Percy.

''You would have to wait until after midnight, of course. Better would be one o'clock. Mum is always out cold when she's asleep, but Dad sometimes wakes up and goes down to the kitchen for a glass of milk. He's really stealthy too, because he doesn't wanna wake us. But I could be your look out, and warn you if he comes down the stairs.'' Ron explained eagerly. ''If he does, we hide in the pantry. But we have to make sure there's milk in the fridge. He nearly caught us once, because there wasn't. We had to hide in the potato box, but it was a near miss.''

Harry smiled at the other boy in awe. ''You'll do that?''

''Of course,'' Ron said importantly. 'That's what friends are for!''

Well, Harry didn't know about that, since it was his first time having a friend, but already he felt that Ron was the best friend one could have. If only his mother would understand about Sirius.

-xox-

Hogsmeade Village was lying under a cover of snow, and still displayed the remnants of the holiday spirit, with holly wreaths on the doors and enchanted candles hanging in the bare trees. The old pub in a dingy side street resisted this postcard-like demeanour though. It remained as it was the whole year through, dimly lit and dust encrusted. The pale light of evening had no chance to filter through the windows, painted with layers over layers of grime and smoke. The furniture was as simple and rough as the usual customers.

But at this hour there were only two of them huddled over a game of cards in a corner with a goblet full of something softly fuming. When Albus Dumbledore entered the room they didn't even look up. Neither did the man behind the bar, who looked as rough as the inn he had owned for the better part of his life.

Albus stepped to the bar, and Aberforth put a glass with a glowing amber liquid in front of him without a word, turned his back on him, and resumed wiping a dusty glass with a dusty cloth, thereby not improving either.

''Thank you,'' Albus said with the barest hint of a sigh, sitting down at one of the creaking stools along the bar.

For quite a while they remained like this, Albus sipping his drink, while Aberforth pretended to polish the glasses.

''So what did you do to Archibald Smith?'' Albus asked after a carefully measured period of silence.

''Who's tha'?''

''The Auror Sirius sent here through the floo.''

Aberforth gave an unidentifiable grunt. ''Wasn't aware that Sirius Black was in any position to send people around like parcels,'' he said, still not looking at his brother. ''Wasn't he locked up?''

''He's under house arrest at Remus Lupin's cottage.''

''Is that right? Look at that.''

''I'm sure you are aware that I'm acting as his advocate in the trial.''

And then Aberforth did look up, and his startling blue eyes bored into those of his brother. ''Boy not as guilty as you thought then?''

Albus sighed wearily and shook his head. ''I made a mistake. I wasn't aware they had changed the plan.''

''Made a mistake, eh? Guess that happens to anyone,'' Aberforth said agreeably. ''Of course the poor lad was send to Azkaban for seven years because of it.''

''Yes. He was. But I won't let that happen to him again. That's why I need to know what happened with that Auror.''

The other wizard shrugged. ''Took care of it.''

Albus raised a questioning eyebrow.

''I may not be the greatest wizard of all time,'' his brother said and the sneer was evident in his voice, ''but I know how to handle annoying customers sprouting nonsense tales of supposed mass-murderers attacking them by sending them through the floo, unscathed, with their wands on their heels even.''

''And how did you handle it?'' Albus asked, not hiding his amusement, but trying to hide his apprehension.

''Took him to the side, gave him a bottle of Old Ogden's and convinced his brain that he was never even at that cottage.''

''Did you oblivate him?''

Aberforth grinned. ''Now that would be illegal.''

Albus watched his brother for a long moment, and when he spoke, it was heartfelt.

''Thank you.''

''I didn't do it for you,'' Aberforth said, turning back to his glasses.

''Believe me, I am aware of that.''

Albus relaxed, and Aberforth topped up his glass, and between periods of silence their talk turned to Aberforth's goats, Madam Rosmerta's lunch meal offer, and other well coded small-talk that meant anything but that what was actually said.

-xox-

Somewhere else another pair of wizards sat opposite each other, staring at the board of wizard chess between them, while the fire crackled comfortingly, the only source of light in the darkening room.

Remus reached out, and moved his queen so that it would protect the knight Sirius was about to capture, causing the other wizard to smile behind his frown. The long black hair fell forward as he bent further towards the board, contemplating his next move.

It was something familiar, playing chess, and still it had felt a little strange at first when they sat down across from each other in the way they had done so often when they'd been just boys lounging in their common room. They were happy memories by nature but, like so many of them, they were tainted now with the presence of the one who had betrayed them. Not Sirius, not anymore, and Remus had never been more thankful for anything, but still someone he had trusted, someone he had _liked_.

''Peter was always good at chess,'' Remus said into the silence. ''Figures somehow.''

Sirius looked up surprised. They had not talked about their former friend, their now dead friend, since before the trial.

''Strategy, I mean,'' Remus went on. ''He obviously was good at that.''

''I guess,'' Sirius said vaguely.

''It's strange. He was... a friend, once, back then I mean. And even though he did what he did... I thought I would feel _something_, you know.'' Remus tried to catch Sirius eye, but they remained hidden behind a curtain of black hair. ''He is dead, and... I feel nothing.''

Sirius moved his castle.

''Do you...?''

''Do I what?''

''Feel something about Peter's death.''

Sirius leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

''What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry he's dead? I'm not. Okay? He killed the people I loved. He betrayed us. He betrayed James, and he died. The rat deserves to be dead!''

''I grieved, you know, back then. When I thought he was dead. I grieved for all of them. I think I already said my goodbyes to him, and when I found him, when I saw him, it was like he was someone else, someone I didn't know. I can't grieve for that person. But you...''

''You want me to grieve for him?'' Sirius asked angrily. ''I won't!''

Remus nodded. That reaction was to be expected from Sirius after all, all things considered. ''It's just... the times we had back then... they were good weren't they?''

His words held a trace of uncertainty, and when his friend heard that his face softened. ''Yes. They were,'' he said with a rueful smile. ''They were the best.'' Then he took a deep breath. ''Now make a move.''

And then they were playing again in silence.

''You think I'm heartless, that it?'' Sirius asked finally, startling Remus out of his musing over his next move.

''No!'' Remus shook his head. ''Of course I don't... it's just... it feels wrong to... was there even a funeral?''

''I don't think they just left him there.''

''No... wonder if his mother's still alive... must have been hard, you know hearing he had faked his death, facing all those suspicions...''

Sirius stared at the board in silence. Then he asked, ''How did he look?''

''Huh?''

''The ra-... Peter. The last time I saw him was in that alley the day after...'' He trailed off.

''I don't know. A lot more like a rat to be honest. Chubby. Panicked. Kind of... pathetic. It was horrible seeing him like that.''

''And now he is dead.''

''Yes.''

They looked at each other, and just for that moment they allowed there to be sorrow. A minute for a Marauder who had died a long time before he took his last breath. That was all Peter would get from the survivors.

-x-

Still, when the flames turned green later that night, Sirius felt calmer and far more collected. Spending that day with Remus, talking or not talking but not hiding anymore, had been good. Extremely good, to be honest. And now a visit from his godson, even if it was just talking through the fire, was another treat he had definitely not expected to receive until a little while ago.

He crouched down before the fireplace, looking into the excited but happy face of his godson.

''Hey, pup.''

''Hey.'' Harry smiled excitedly.

''You sure everybody else is asleep?''

Harry seemed to blush in the fire, and for a moment Sirius was alarmed. ''What is it?''

''Ron's keeping lookout,'' Harry explained uncomfortably.

''Ron?''

Harry nodded, not meeting his eyes.

Sirius couldn't help but smile at that display. ''He's a friend, is he?'' he asked. ''A real one, somebody you can rely on? Who can keep a secret?''

Harry nodded eagerly. ''He is! He is my first real friend!''

Sirius nodded. ''I understand. That's good. I know how good it is to have someone like that.''

''Like my Dad?''

''Yes, like your Daddy.''

''So... you're not angry that I told him? He kinda knew already since he saw that I wasn't in my bed last night. We share a room,'' Harry explained.

''I guess it's fine,'' Sirius reassured him with a grin. ''It's good that you have a friend you can talk to. But keep it between the two of you, okay?''

Harry nodded.

''So did Mrs Weasley have any suspicions?''

The boy shook his head, and went on to tell his godfather all that had happened when Professor Dumbledore had brought him back. Sirius listened and smiled at Harry's tales, glad to see his godson so relaxed. But after a while Harry fell silent, and a frown crept onto his forehead.

''Sirius?'' he asked hesitantly after a moment of silence, gnawing on his lip a little.

''Yes, pup?''

''Were you... were you scared? When you had to speak in the court?''

Sirius studied his godson, contemplating the question. ''Yeah. I guess I was a little scared,'' he said finally.

''Because that pink lady was mean to you? Were you scared of her?''

Sirius smiled. ''No, not because of her. Although she is a little frightening, I give you that. But she can't do anything to you, really. She's like a barking dog on a chain. It makes you nervous, but it can't do you any harm, can it?''

Harry nodded thoughtfully. ''So what were you scared off?''

''I was a bit scared because I knew I had to talk about stuff I don't like talking, or even thinking, about all that much.''

''Like what?''

For a moment he hesitated. ''Like the day your parents died.''

''Were you very sad?'' Harry asked with his own kind of little boy compassion.

Sirius nodded, blinking, for a moment overwhelmed by Harry's sweetness. ''Very. And I felt guilty because I had not been able to protect them. I thought I should have been able to do something to save them.''

''I don't think you could have.''

With a stunned expression, Sirius stared at Harry's little face.

''Why do you think that?'' he whispered.

''Because if there was anything, you would have done it,'' Harry declared without a doubt. ''If anyone could have done it, it would have been you, and if you couldn't, no one could.''

His throat felt tight and his eyes prickled. A soft rustle drew his attention away from the fire to his friend standing off to the side, and his stormy grey eyes met Remus' gentle smile. There was so much in it, grief, compassion, and reassurance. _Take it from the mouth of a child, _his face seemed to say. Then he turned back and went into the kitchen, where he was still able to hear them, but it gave Sirius and Harry some feeling of privacy nevertheless.

Turning his eyes back to his little godson, Sirius had to restrain himself not to reach into the fire and stroke over his cheek and unruly hair. He swallowed.

''You're a great boy, Harry, you know that?'' he whispered softly.

At those words Harry's face lit up like the sun, and he beamed at Sirius, the happiest little boy on earth. For a moment they just smiled at each other. But Sirius had the feeling that Harry's question had not come out of nowhere.

''Is there something _you _are scared of, Harry? About the trial? Are you worried about that?''

''A little bit,'' Harry admitted uncertainly.

''Is it because of the woman who's asking the questions?''

Harry nodded.

''Are you afraid of her? Or of the questions?''

Harry seemed to have to think a little bit about it. Then he said, '''Both.''

Sirius smiled at him and tried to get more comfortable in front of the fire. ''Okay. I'll tell you something.'' He clasped his hands in front of him, leaning as far forward as the holding spells allowed. ''Being scared is nothing to be ashamed of, Harry. It's expected. I just told you, I was scared too. But I can promise you, that nothing's going to happen to you. I will be there, and Remus, and Professor Dumbledore. We won't let that woman do anything to you.'' Harry nodded, listening avidly. ''She might say some things that are a little mean, but you just don't listen to her, okay?You don't have to believe a word she says. And if she pretends that you said something, if she misunderstands you on purpose, you don't have to worry. Albus will sort it out. You can't do anything wrong. You just tell them what happened. Okay, pup?''

Harry took a deep breath. ''Okay.''

''Anything else you worried about?''

''Uncle Moony said they will ask me about Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia.''

''They probably will.''

''Will they think that I'm bad?''

''No, Harry, they won't, I promise.'' He itched to crawl through the floo, but knew that would just end with him getting strangled. Nevertheless his hand reached out in an inkling of a touch never to reach its goal. ''Because you are not. Whatever anybody else might say, you are a wonderful little boy. The best I ever met. You are _my _little boy. And I won't let anybody hurt you again.''

''Do you think it will be okay?''

''Testifying? Yes.''

Harry shook his head. ''Everything.''

''We'll fight for it, pup. And I know you and Remus testifying will be a great help.''

Harry nodded, stifling a yawn.

''I think it's time for bed now,'' Sirius said with a wry smile.

''Can I hug you?'' Harry looked at him hopefully.

Sirius hesitated. ''I think... coming through isn't part of the deal,'' he explained apologetically.

''We can send him back right away,'' Remus voice came from the background. ''Just for a minute will be okay.''

Sirius threw Remus a look that was filled to the brim with gratitude.

''Okay, pup,'' he said, looking back at his godson.

Harry crawled through the fire and into Sirius lap, hugging him fiercely.

''It'll be alright. We'll do everything to make it alright,'' Sirius whispered into his hair.

He pressed a kiss to the boys cheek, and then they threw in some more floo powder and Harry was transported back to the kitchen of the Burrow to meet a slack-jawed Ron.

-x-

''So... was Harry worried?'' Remus asked, handing Sirius a glass of wine.

Sirius shrugged. ''Of course. He's only eight. Speaking in front of so many people alone must frighten him.''

''Day after tomorrow,'' Remus said, sitting down next to his friend, their shoulders touching. They stared into the fire.

''Yeah.''

''It's expected to be scared,'' Remus said, using the same words Sirius had earlier.

The black-haired wizard snorted. ''It's my freaking everything on the line, Remus.'' He sighed. ''But it's Harry I'm worried about.''

''And I guess that is to be expected too.'' Remus smiled one of his multi-layered smiles at him. ''_Dad._''

TBC

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**Reviews are my favourite candy! Please leave one to feed the muse!**

**Reviewer Anonymous: lor: **I'm glad you like both stories so far, and that you enjoy the way I portray the characters. :) I hope your question has been answered? **HebHibHob: **See? I'm not always mean! :P Thank you, thank you, thank you! :) **Jeanette: **Thank you for the reassurance. Harry, Sirius & Remus's fate will surely be different in this story, it is an AU after all! ;) But I'm afraid my magic is only sufficient to bring my own updates along. Sorry! ;( **read addiction: **Oh thank you so very much! And yes, exactly about them being equals. That's why they need wach other and are so good together. Glad you liked the sweetness as well! :) **Bluemoon: **I'm happy you see it that way. Like I said at the beginning, I don't want to put them into a box. Yes, long needed talk and long needed cuddles and even some answers for you! ;) **WickedWay: **:) So kind. Thanks! Glad you liked the snuggles and Sirius explanations. And see? It wasn't so bad! **Jessc729: **Thank you! Yes, might have needed some love and reassurance! ;) I'll always be happy to hear from you! **Mia: **Thank you for your lovely words and your trust! I will do my very best. Lots of sad things, but talking about it made it better, and was the first step to healing! **Llcampbell:** Thank you. Had to prove I'm not ALL about the angst after all, lol! ;P **Roonil Wazlib: **Crying is allowed! ;) And, yes, some answers, more to come. More than perfect? Damn, I should have stopped at the climax... Lol!


	17. Innocence

**NEW STORY ALERT: **Yes, I have started a new fic. No, that doesn't mean I will abandon this one. Actually it is the reason I managed to write this chapter so fast. Still don't know how I made it. Ah, yes, cut out the sleep. If you like my writing and a plot that has the spotlight on Sirius & Harry, go check it out. It's called _**Shadow of a Doubt**_.

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**A/N: **I kind of need to dedicate this to jogger. Because she is the best thing that can happen to an author. She likes the same stuff. She is honest when something isn't really right. She tells me to relax when I freak. She is even more enthusiastic than me. And she gets it. Always. Thank you! "And let's get the hell out of Dodge, Sundance!" ;)

Now polished by my wonderful beta, ambush99! :)

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**Chapter 16 - Innocence**

Dawn approached and found a black-haired young man sitting alone in the kitchen of a small cottage out in the middle of nowhere. He had a cup of coffee in front of him, but it had gone cold. His eyes stared ahead unseeing, while the tip of his finger painted an unknown pattern on the rough wooden surface.

Only a few days had passed since he had been brought to the Ministry, by what had felt like an army of Aurors, for the first time. Still, it seemed so much had changed since then. He had seen Harry, had been able to speak with his little godson only the night before last. He had talked to Remus too, really talked, and there were still so many things that needed to be said and explained. Would he get the chance to? Or had fate just granted him this short mercy, to let him make his peace with a few of his demons.

He was calmer this time. Not calm. But calmer. He knew what to expect for one thing. Knew there would be all those people, and the idea of their insults and hateful looks did not shake him anymore. He felt stronger. He had his friend back, really back. Had been forgiven. And he had Harry.

Something inside him told him that this was enough. Those months with Harry. These two short weeks with Remus. It was more than he could have ever hoped for, could even have imagined, in the freezing cold of his cell in Azkaban. Maybe it was more than he deserved.

Something else told him there was no way that it would ever be. Never enough.

He had always been prepared to fight. His whole life. But this was an enemy who held all the aces. And he had nothing to give as a stake. Nothing but himself and the truth and that wasn't enough. It was in others' hands now. Not a situation Sirius was particularly fond of.

The sky turned from dark violet to soft pink and finally flaming orange. This was the day that would decide his fate. And Sirius was calm. Deep, deep down inside him a little boy was screaming, but that didn't ruffle the surface.

-x-

The Aurors came, but this time it was already a familiar ritual. Being bound was still not comfortable, would never be comfortable for him, but he took it without a frown. He would be better than that.

Remus looked at him worriedly, but they didn't speak a word. Just for now everything was said. It was just a fleeting impression on his face. A slight rise of the corners of his mouth, his lips pressing together, a little narrowing off his eyes. But Sirius knew Remus understood. Some things didn't need words.

He was grabbed and they marched out, into the sun this time. A cold day with a burning blue sky. Blinding almost. Air that frosted your lungs. Crisp grass under his feet. Only a moment though, and then the tug tore him away, pressed and squeezed him, and spat him out hundreds of miles away under a different sky.

Grey clouds just a hint from turning into rain, but the street Sirius had landed on was still dry. The air tasted of the storm already. For a moment he thought there was thunder ringing in his ears. Lightning flashing in his eyes.

But the storm was down here, not in the sky. He thought there were fewer spectators than last time, though it was still a blurring mass of people and voices. This time Sirius kept his head held high. He wouldn't go down bowing. Never bowing. Never again.

-x-

The same room again, with the same sparse furniture. The little window at the ceiling letting in the leaden light of the storm. Already a cell but not a cell yet. Only his hands in shackles.

Albus was there. Speaking calmly, but with that small hint of sorrow that told Sirius it was a lie. The calm. It was a mask. The storm was already out there. And Albus knew it, wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep his promise. Strange, somehow he had always thought it was just him. For a moment Sirius wondered what else Albus was hiding. What kind of pain or guilt and grief lay behind the always present appearance of serenity.

Then the door flew open, and the storm entered in the form of Remus Lupin. The werewolf looked dishevelled even though he was immaculately dressed and groomed. He looked like he had been running. He looked like he had been afraid of being too late, though for what, Sirius didn't know. After all Remus was never anything but on time.

As if he had been stopped in his tracks, he remained standing with his hand on the half closed door. Behind him, through the gap, Sirius could see two shoulders and one leg of Auror against the backdrop of torch light. The tension in the air was suddenly palpable, and Albus, always knowing and seeing more than others, excused himself until the start of the procedure.

When the door closed behind him, the silence in the room was deafening. And Remus only needed three strides to cross the room and pull him into his arms. His ginger-haired friend buried his face in Sirius' shoulder, his breath fast and hitching. Sirius put his arms around the smaller man. His hands were stroking over his back in the soothing rhythm people all over the world use to comfort their loved-ones.

''It's okay,'' Sirius mumbled. ''It's okay.''

''It's not,'' Remus whispered, ''I can't lose you. Not when I just got you back.''

''I wish I could promise you something, Remus.''

''You don't have to. It's time for me to make a promise.'' He looked up at him, butterscotch and determination. ''I won't let you go.''

-x-

They sat in silence, holding on to each others' hands on the scarred wooden surface of the table between them. It was as if they were already awaiting the verdict.

And then the door opened again, but with much more importance this time. Two Aurors stepped inside, and somehow Sirius was glad that it was no one he knew. It felt less personal this way. He stood up, and shackles attached themselves to his feet with the wave of a wand. They gave him a curt nod and stepped each to one side of him. Sirius took a deep breath, and then he left the room, between the two of them, in carefully measured steps. Behind him a soft sob escaped Remus' throat.

-x-

The room opened to him like a cathedral. A dome of stone and judgement. Cold and unrelenting. This, Sirius realized in that moment, was not a place of mercy. In an uprising circle the seats were filled with hundreds of people, their faces blurring together as much as their voices. But he knew that every eye was directed at him, observing his every move and gesture. Judging him. Whispering. He was a horrific circus attraction. The epitome of the bogeyman. Hushed voices whispered lies and rumours, and the air was full of self-righteousness and excitement.

Sirius was twenty-nine years old. The last birthday he could actually remember was his twenty-first. To say it quite clearly, he was probably one of the youngest wizards in this court hall. By wizard standards he was not much more than a boy. And right then he recognized that feeling of betrayal and hurt that lingered somewhere deep in his chest. It was the same he had felt when Regulus had gotten a new toy or an ice-cream, and Sirius had been made to watch. Being rejected. Being ostracized. Wizard society had abandoned him in the same way his family had forever ago.

But he was harder than them. So much harder. He had endured more than any one of them. They could scorn him, but they couldn't scare him. He raised his head and let his gaze wander over the stands, flaming ice and frozen fire. The sound of shuffling and whispering rose up like a swarm of hornets. Sirius face remained blank though as he turned away, letting the two Aurors guide him to the chair in the centre.

He leaned back against the high backrest, trying to find the least uncomfortable position. While the chains wound themselves around his arms and ankles, he faced the members of the Wizengamot once again. The room started to calm down, everyone settling in, and Sirius took this time to watch their faces. Those were the twenty-five people who would decide his future. Would decide if he had a future at all. He needed thirteen of them. Thirteen to believe him. Thirteen to do the unexpected and impossible and declare Sirius Black innocent.

-x-

_She_ wore pink again, darker this time, but still pink. It didn't suit her. Neither did the sweetish smile adorning her face. Sirius took a deep breath and decided here and now that the woman would not get to him this time. But to be honest, he wasn't so much worried about himself. And he wasn't so sure if he would be able to restrain himself if she did _anything _at all to his godson. Procedure be damned, he wouldn't let her hurt him.

Albus had settled in his seat at the right side of the room, next to him Remus was noticeably absent. He would appear as a witness later, and was probably meeting with Harry and the Weasleys right now. Sirius wondered whether it was Arthur or Molly who would be accompanying his godson to the Ministry. Arthur would probably be better suited, but Molly might not see it that way. From Remus' narration she had not really approved of Harry's involvement. Sirius briefly closed his eyes. That issue would have to wait for later, if there would be a later for him after today.

The Head of the Wizengamot, Madam Bones, raised her wand, and the already familiar gong resounded through the room. Sirius body tensed. The storm was setting in.

''I call the case of the magical community against Sirius Black. We have heard the statement of the defendant, and will now resume with the testimonies. Are there any testimonies for the prosecution, Miss Umbridge?''

Procedure. It had something oddly inappropriately boring about it. Life and death, Sirius thought, shouldn't be so banal.

The pink menace shuffled her parchments around importantly, and then cleared her throat with a silly little cough.

''There are indeed an _overwhelming_ number of testimonies of reliable eye-witnesses to the crimes of the accused. However, due to the circumstances of the crimes, there are no living _magical _witnesses. Of course the Act of Secrecy doesn't allow for non-magical people to attend this court, but, as the law of procedure clearly states for these kind of cases, the previous testimonies, taken by the Auror Squad, can be read as evidence.'' Her voice grew grave and dramatic then. ''That the fanatical crimes of the accused have often been directed against Muggles, can not redound to his advantage! And of course the poor witches and wizards that fell victim to his cruel and malicious acts, did not live to give testimony to them.'' She sighed, shaking her head in overdone sadness.

Sirius inwardly rolled his eyes. The woman was laying the drama on with a trowel.

Umbridge then stepped forward with a pile of parchments. She set them down and tapped them with her short wand. The first one of the scrolls rose into the air and unrolled itself. And then there was a male voice that sounded slightly wheezy, saying,

''Alistor Brightford, eyewitness to the murders of November 1st, 1981.''

Sirius mind drifted back to the day, and he only listened with half an ear as one after the other the scrolls rose up and read their testimonies.

''...suddenly this wild looking man appeared, like out of thin air! One of these long haired fellows, leather jacket, you know the kind, probably some hooligan. They don't have the proper respect these days...''

''He had long black hair, and he looked murderous. You could see that he was a criminal...''

Then there were the few who really had seen something. Had been there and had recounted what had probably been the worst experience of their lives. It had been a nightmare, but when you were in hell already, the nightmares did not shock you so much anymore.

''He.. he drew a weapon, I don't know what kind, but he did something with it, and then the whole street exploded, and there was fire, and people were screaming, and there was this woman, she had been standing not far from me, but there was only her arm left...''

''It was this man, the tall one, with the long hair... he was coming after the short one... and then the street was suddenly on fire! It must have been an explosion, but I saw the tall one reaching into his jacket before it happened...''

''The plumb one yelled something, I think about James and Lisa... and then there was a loud bang, probably from the explosion, and the short man was gone. There was nothing left of him! And the other one, the black-haired one, he was laughing. Stood right there in the middle of all the rubble and the debris and the _parts... _and he _laughed_! I will never forget that sight...''

Sirius would never forget the sight either. The street, half way blown to hell. The wand in his hand that he had been unable to use. The place where just a moment ago the murderous traitor had stood, and where now only a finger remained. A _finger_... The screams. The blood. And the smell. He had seen horror before, but this was in bright daylight on a crowded street, and he had just lost everything that was important to him a few short hours ago. Adrenalin and rage had kept him upright, had kept him focused on something his brain was actually _able _to grasp. A goal. Peter. And then, when the dust settled, it was gone. And all that remained was the absolutely consuming terror and pain.

And he had started to laugh.

-x-

''Professor Dumbledore, it is your turn to call upon eyewitnesses for the defence. Do you wish to do so?''

Albus stood up with a smile. ''Thank you Madam Chairman. I would like to call Mr. Remus Lupin.''

''I protest!'' Umbridge jumped up from her chair, looking scandalized. ''He is a _WEREWOLF_!''

Sirius head whipped around, and the glare he sent to the hateful woman was one of pure rage. And only with uttermost self-control, did he hold himself back from emitting more than a low hiss.

Albus turned around to the prosecutor, and in a quiet voice asked, ''And why would the lycanthropy of Mr. Lupin be of any consequence?''

''He is unreliable! He is a beast!'' Umbridge shrieked, ''There is no relevance to his words!''

''Unfortunately, this is not for you to decide, Miss Umbridge. If I want to call Mr. Lupin as a witness, I have a right to do so. And it will be the duty of the Wizengamot to decide whether they will choose to give credence to his testimony.''

Umbridge visibly seethed when she sat down again, and there was also a low, uneasy murmur going through the crowd when the young ginger-haired wizard entered the court room. Sirius' heart hammered with anxiety for his friend, who was welcomed almost like _he_ was the one on trial.

But if Remus had heard Umbridge's words, or sensed the atmosphere, he didn't let it show. He took his place in front of the Wizengamot, slightly to Sirius' left, at the side for the defence. He looked pale but composed. All Moony, with his earnest face and air of bookish unassumingness. Don't look at me, his whole being seemed to say, I'm so ordinary you don't have to take notice of me. Sirius looked at his friend, at all the brilliance and passion, hiding away in fear of being exposed and hurt. And he wished whole-heartedly that things could be different, and that everyone would be able to see what he could.

''State your full name and date of birth for the protocol, please.''

Albus had stood up to take the floor, and came to stand next to the werewolf now.

''Remus John Lupin. March 10, 1960.''

''What is your connection to the defendant?''

''We met our first year at Hogwarts and shared a dormitory, together with James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. The four of us became very good friends.''

''And have you remained friends with Mr. Black ever since?''

Remus lowered his head a little, looking pained and regretful. Sirius tried to smile at him, but he wouldn't look in his direction.

''No...,'' he answered softly. ''I have not been his friend since the day James and Lily died. I have not been his friend while he was brought to Azkaban and suffered there for seven long years.''

''And are you his friend now?''

''I am. I'm not sure if I deserve to call myself his friend. I abandoned him like everybody else did, but my betrayal is worse. I am the one person who should have known better. Who _knew _better, and still did not speak up. I have known Sirius Black since he was a boy of just eleven years. And he is the most loyal and honest person I've ever met. I should have never doubted that.''

And now Remus' eyes were on him, holding his gaze while he spoke those words. Here, in this room, where Sirius was bound alone in the middle, here, in front of everybody who looked at him with hateful eyes, here, where Remus had just been singled out and declared an inhuman monster, his friend made it perfectly clear, exactly, where he stood. Right beside Sirius Black.

_''I won't let you go.''_

''Please tell us what made you change your mind, Mr. Lupin.''

''Well, like I said, some doubt has always lingered. Things never really added up. But when Sirius broke out and took Harry, I was shocked. I swore to find him myself. And I did. But what surprised me even more was what I found. When I showed up, Harry was well cared for and happy. But when I confronted Sirius, and Harry got scared and ran away, out into the middle of a blizzard. I would have never stood a chance of finding him in the foreign terrain. So I took Sirius with me. While we searched for Harry, I broke through the ice of a frozen lake. He could have let me drown. He could have let me freeze to death. But he pulled me out, he risked his own life to bring me to safety. And then, while he could have fled, he went to find Harry and brought him back, knowing that I had already alerted the authorities. He could have made a run for it. But instead he stayed to save Harry's life and mine. These aren't the actions of a murderer. These aren't the actions of a man who betrayed his friends to certain death.''

''Why do you think Harry ran away that night?''

''He was very confused by the sudden events. But mainly, I think he was afraid that I would take him away from Sirius and back to his aunt and uncle.''

''Why do you think Harry didn't want to go back to his relatives?''

''When I started my investigation, I went to the house of Harry's relatives. I met them, and saw with my own eyes what kind of people they are. They didn't seem to be concerned at all about Harry nor his disappearance. That was the first thing that shocked me. They obviously were glad he was gone! And his uncle even said, that Harry had run away with Sirius, and he didn't want him back. I asked whether I could see Harry's bedroom, but it turned out he had none. He was sleeping in a cupboard under the stairs, barely big enough for him to stretch out! His uncle never even called Harry by his name. He only called him 'the _freak_'. And when I finally had found Sirius and everything was over, Harry told me that his uncle had hurt him. That he had even beaten him.''

''So both Harry himself and his uncle confirmed that he went with Sirius Black voluntarily?''

''Yes.''

''What impression did you have of Mr. Vernon Dursley?''

''He doesn't like wizards. It seemed to me that he has a severe dislike of everything magic-related, and that included Harry. He was very rude. A brute of a man. And he obviously has a hair-trigger temper.''

''Do you think that Sirius Black could have done serious harm to him in a physical quarrel?''

''Sirius was always an athletic person, but seven years in Azkaban leave their mark. And Vernon Dursley is at least twice his size. I think, under normal circumstances, Sirius would not have stood a chance. If he managed to beat Dursley at all, he must have been in a frenzy. The way a parent is when he is protecting his child. But I saw Mr. Dursley only a few days later, and he had no noticeable injuries either.''

''Mr. Lupin, we have all heard little Harry Potter last week in this court, when he spoke up in defence of his godfather. Why do you think he did this?''

''From what I can gather, Harry was very unhappy at his relatives. They mistreated him, they hurt him, and made it abundantly clear that they had no love for him. I think, for Harry, meeting Sirius must have been like a wonderful miracle. For the first time someone cared for him. Someone actually protected him! I have seen the two of them together, and Sirius is wonderful with Harry. Gentle and loving. He listens to him. I think for Harry, Sirius is the fairy-tale father he has always dreamed about.''

The audience was buzzing with excitement and outrage. Cries and yells, filled with indignation, anger and disgust, rang out in the court room. Even a few members of the Wizengamot were protesting loudly, while some just shook their heads in disbelief.

''An impertinence! Whom does he think he can delude here?

''Fairy tale father! My ass and broom!''

''He's in league with the murderer!''

''Disgusting beast!''

''Throw the werewolf out!''

Sirius balled his fists, the muscles in his arms straining against the chains, as he tried to glare at the people who were mostly sitting behind him. This was what he had been worried about. This was what he had been dreading! Remus, put in the pillory because of him. He could see his friends' features hardening and then going blank. And he hated that Remus was used to it. And he hated that he couldn't stand up and shout at them, stand up and defend his friend like he had just done for him.

''SILENCE!'' the magnified voice of Madam Bones rose over the voices of the furious mob. ''This is unacceptable. I will not warn you again!'' Her voice returned to its normal volume, when the commotion died down. ''Professor Dumbledore, you still have the floor.''

''Thank you. But I think we have demanded more than enough from Mr. Lupin.'' Albus turned towards the Wizengamot once more. ''I think what we have heard so far in this trial shows a few things quite clearly. The prosecution claims that Sirius Black kidnapped Harry Potter. But we have heard that not only the boy but also his uncle confirmed to Mr. Lupin that he left out of his own free will. And, more importantly, that he had a very good reason for wanting to leave. That Sirius Black _saved _the little boy from his abusive relatives. The prosecution also claims that Sirius Black worked for Voldemort, but it is a _fact_ that he again and again helped to fight him under great risk of his own life. The prosecution claims that Sirius Black betrayed the two people who were closest to him, whom he thought of as his family. But how can we believe that a man, who risked his own life and and forsook his freedom to save the lives of his friend and godson, would be capable of doing such a thing?''

''Ehm ehm,'' Umbridge interrupted him. ''You seem to attach an awful lot of importance to the words of a murderer and a dark creature,'' she said sweetly.

''I attach an awful lot of importance to the truth, Miss Umbridge. And to the words of honourable men.''

''Ehm ehm.'' The short woman looked pointedly at the Head of the Wizengamot.

''Professor Dumbledore, if you have no more questions for the witness, I give the floor to the prosecution.''

Albus bowed his head at Madam Bones and went to take his seat. But Sirius thought he had seen a gesture of encouragement directed at Remus. His body tensed in anxious anticipation. It was Umbridge's turn.

''You are a werewolf, are you not Mr. Lupin?''

The way she spoke was not sweet at all anymore, but derogative and harsh. Apparently barely able to hide her disgust. But Remus remained calm and seemingly unaffected. Sirius wasn't sure whether to feel anger or admiration.

''Yes.''

''So tell me, why should anyone in this room believe someone like you? A monster who probably admires the accused for his crimes?''

''Because apart from being a werewolf, I'm also a human being. And a wizard. I have never broken the laws, never hurt anyone because of my condition. I was unfortunate enough to be bitten when I was five years old, but... that doesn't make me a monster.''

Sirius smiled. He would not have been able to describe the warm and happy glow he felt when he heard these words out of Remus' mouth. There had been a hint of hesitation. Old habits were hard to break. But when the werewolf had said the words, he had sounded sure.

''Well there might have been no offense _reported, _but that doesn't mean-''

''Is the counsel of the prosecution honestly indicating that Mr. Lupin is an unreliable witness because he _could_ have committed an offense that no one ever heard of and that he never was charged with?''

It was Albus Dumbledore's voice which interrupted her calmly, but Sirius thought he could detect a trace of irritation and resentment in his voice. This was unusual. Albus was normally _very _controlled. The pink piranha huffed, but Madam Bones nodded in agreement.

''Mr. Lupin is not on trial here. I would like to advice the prosecution to keep the interrogation to the matters at hand, which are the charges against Sirius Black.''

''Well, the fact remains, that Mr. Lupin is a _werewolf._ How _trustworthy_ that makes him, is certainly a question we have to answer here. But there also remains the fact, that Mr. Lupin is a _friend_ of the accused. A friend, I might add, who was taken into custody himself after the horrific events following the Potter's death.''

''And who was absolved of any involvement.''

''Ehm ehm!''

Madam Bones seemed to sigh inwardly but still complied.

''Professor Dumbledore, you have been heard already. Now the prosecution has the floor.''

And she took it. Umbridge's interrogation didn't get any less upsetting. Especially for Sirius, who after just a few minutes began to think that he might actually be _willing_ to go back to Azkaban, if he could just twist that foul and malicious woman's neck.

It was very clear that she wasn't interested at all in anything Remus had to say about his search or his observations. She was only interested in belittling him, insulting his intelligence and his magical abilities. Showcasing him as an unnatural, non-human beast that was never to be trusted. She pulled out all the prejudices against werewolves. How they were uncontrolled and driven by their animalistic instincts. How they were devious and natural liars.

Remus sat there in his seat like a statue. Only those few little lines of tension around the corners of his mouth showed his distress. Or at least they did to someone who knew him as well as Sirius. He sent a pleading look at Albus Dumbledore, who had a deep frown creasing his forehead. And finally the tall, silver-haired wizard stood up, clearing his throat.

''Is the prosecution at some point in the near future going to phrase an actual question that will help to enlighten this case? It's only that, since this is the British High Court of Wizards, I think we should at least pretend to know what we are talking about.''

And then Albus smiled at Dolores Umbridge with the mildly exasperated expression of a teacher talking to a pupil who insisted that two and two was three. It was in that moment that Sirius remembered why he actually liked Albus so much.

Madam Bones released Remus, and the werewolf got up stiffly and, with slightly shaking legs, went over to sit next to Albus in his seat as assistant to the defence. Sirius couldn't believe his eyes. Remus really had no limit, no pain threshold at all. But then Remus glanced over to him, and there was pain in his eyes, but also a fierceness and unrelenting stubbornness, and Sirius could read his friends thoughts as if they were printed on his forehead.

_I won't let you go._

-x-

Madam Bones looked almost a little distressed herself after the last interrogation, but she had herself under control a second later. Sirius knew she had lost a lot of her family in the war: Her brother, Edgar, had been in the Order, although Sirius had not known him too well He had been one of the first victims of the Death Eaters in their rows. But now Sirius wondered if maybe the Head of the Wizengamot had not been impressed by the pink prosecutor's behaviour either.

''Is there another witness that we need to hear? Miss Umbridge? Professor Dumbledore?''

''I would like to call another witness,'' Dolores Umbridge said, and her voice was suddenly soft, like a cat sneaking up to the unsuspecting mouse. She smiled sweetly at Madam Bones, and then turned her face, smile in place, at the table of the defence. ''I would like to call Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.''

Albus slowly raised an eyebrow at her, almost as if he wanted to ask her if she was sure she wanted to go there. There was not even a crease in his calm serenity. He silently inclined his head and got up to take the seat that Remus previously had occupied.

Umbridge stood as tall as possible, which was still rather short. Her hands were folded in front of her, and when she blinked slowly, it made her look like a big, pink, evil doll.

''Professor, it was you who informed the Ministry that Sirius Black had been the secret-keeper of the Potters, wasn't it?'' she asked in her little girl voice.

''That is true. But like it has been said here before, I was misinformed.''

''Please, Professor, just answer the questions.''

She giggled like a bashful teenage-girl. Sirius thought he might be sick.

''That's what I'm doing, Miss Umbridge. In all conscience and to the best of my knowledge and belief.''

''Who informed you about Sirius Black becoming the secret-keeper?''

''The Potters.''

''And when was that?''

''On October 28th, 1981.''

''Three days before their death.''

''Yes.''

''That would have been a very short-notice to change the plan and chose another _trustworthy_ person, wouldn't it? And wouldn't they have informed you about something so important?''

''Not necessarily. It is after all the very purpose of the Fidelius Charm to keep something a _secret_.''

Umbridge didn't seem to like the calmly amused tone of the older wizard, and her voice became a little more snappish. A little more arrogant too.

''Professor, Sirius Black was one of your students once, wasn't he?''

''Yes. He went to Hogwarts like most young wizards and witches in Britain.''

''But Sirius Black was something _special_, wasn't he?''

''Well, he was a very gifted young wizard, if that's what you mean.''

''Wouldn't you say that he was always a bit of a _favourite_?''

''I admired his courage and strength of character, and especially his loyalty to his friends, even as a boy. He certainly was unusual. He came from a very difficult family background, and did not let that rule his life.''

''So he got special treatment?''

''No. He had the same privileges and duties every student had. And when he broke the rules he got punished like every other one.''

''Did he break the rules a lot?'' Umbridge asked innocently.

Albus smiled. ''Well, he was a bit of a rascal. They both were, James Potter and he. Two intelligent boys with an affinity for mischief and pranking, but nothing serious.''

''So you wouldn't say that it was serious, when Sirius Black set his werewolf friend on another student?''

Sirius stiffened. No... no, not that.

''Where would you have heard such a thing?''

''So it is true?''

''No. It certainly is not.''

''So there was no incident with a certain Mr. Severus Snape?''

''There was. But the circumstances were different.'' Albus sounded seriously annoyed now. ''It was an unlucky chain of events, but thankfully no one got hurt. It was also twelve years ago, when all involved were fifteen year old teenagers, and it has no connection whatsoever to this case.''

''Well, Professor, if Sirius Black sent a student he despised to meet his werewolf friend on the night of a full moon, doesn't that show us the murderous nature, you seemed to think was missing?''

Sirius was now almost rigid with tension. And he couldn't look at Remus. This was a nightmare...

''He didn't _send_ anyone, Miss Umbridge. Mr. Snape was curious, trying to find out about the secrets of another student. Unfortunately he wasn't aware of the danger he was putting himself in through this.''

''This _other_ student was Mr. Lupin, wasn't it?'' Umbridge seemed to feel she had entered the home straight. ''A _werewolf_ you had allowed to study at your school. It seems that he and Mr. Black worked together there perfectly as well. And he just wanted to make us all believe that he was a cuddly little puppy who wouldn't hurt a fly!'' She giggled, but then asked with almost a sickeningly coquettish look. ''Were they punished in any way?''

''Remus Lupin was not involved in the prank. Sirius Black and Severus Snape both got detention, but Mr. Black's punishment was of course more severe.''

It had been a lot more severe. It had been the-rest-of-the-school-year severe. Of course that had partly been because Albus and Minnie had wanted to make him talk. They must have sensed that there was something he was not telling them. Would never tell them, and never had. He had scrubbed the trophy room, and all the boys' toilets and probably every other room in the castle at some point. Without magic obviously. But he had not been expelled. Because no one got hurt. Albus couldn't have been further from the truth.

''Detention for trying to kill another student?'' Umbridge asked in girlish surprise.

''I already said that it wasn't Mr. Black's intention to bring serious harm to Mr. Snape. It was simply the foolish act of a teenager.''

''Foolish?'' Umbridge tasted the word like a savoury dish. ''It _does _seem so.'' She turned and walked back to her seat. ''No more questions.''

-x-

It wasn't looking good. Sirius knew that. With Umbridge's revelation, he had once again become the unstable character, half-insane as the Black family was rumoured to be. An evil kid, already plotting murder at the age of fifteen. Perfectly capable of every atrocity imaginable, and, oh yes, he knew they were imagining...

He sensed that someone was looking at him. From far to the left in the row of the judges, a direction he had tried to avoid with his eyes. He knew the silver-blond wizard was sitting there, and he knew he was smiling right now. And Sirius could imagine what he was thinking. _After all this time I finally manage to break your neck. _He knew Lucius hated him, although he never really had understood why exactly. Of course there was this whole blood traitor thing. And then Lucius simply was an arrogant prick and an evil bastard. But there always seemed to be something else, a personal note to his cruelty Sirius couldn't explain. Back when it had started he had only been a little kid after all...

But he wasn't a little kid anymore. He wasn't a teenager surrounded by boys older than him, without a wand. He might sit here under the glares of hundreds of people who believed him to be a murderer. But _he _wasn't.

Sirius leaned back in the high chair, straightening his shoulders and raising his chin. And then he turned his eyes to the left, and steadily fixed Lucius Malfoy with the blue grey eyes of a Black.

-x-

''Professor Dumbledore? If you don't have another witness for the defence, I will close this case.''

''There is one more witness,'' Albus said heavily. ''And I think after all we have heard today, we should really listen to what he has to say.''

''Very well. You have the floor.''

''I call Harry James Potter!''

-x-

His little boy came into the court room between Molly and Arthur Weasley. He was visibly as nervous as hell, his small body tense and his lips pressed into a thin line. He was dressed in formal wizard robes, like a little adult, and someone had obviously tried without much success to make his hair lie flat. Sirius suspected Molly.

Seeing how shy Harry was, one would have expected him to hide behind the adults, but the opposite was the case. He hesitantly stepped forward, towards the middle of the room, while his eyes were immediately searching for his godfather. Sirius smiled at him, trying to convey reassurance and comfort, which was probably hampered by the look of the heavy chains around his arms and ankles.

Arthur said something to Harry, and lead Molly to take a seat in the stands. Harry slowly walked further into the centre, anxiously looking around himself. He turned towards Sirius, but when Albus waved him over to the chair for the witnesses, Harry complied, though obviously reluctantly.

His little pup sat down in the chair, and Sirius' heart ached with how small he looked. His knobbly knees were sticking out, and his feet dangled a good ten inches above the ground, with one of the laces of his new and polished dress shoes undone. And even though he looked to Sirius like the most adorable little boy in the world, he could also see how uncomfortable he was at the centre of attention.

''Hello Harry,'' Albus greeted him kindly.

''H-Hello Mr. Dumbledore, sir.''

Albus smiled at the small boy, and then started by asking him a few innocuous questions. How old he was, his full name, and where he had lived up until the summer. And Harry answered to everything without hesitation. But then Albus asked whether Harry had liked to live with his relatives, and Harry's body stiffened. He bit his lip, shaking his head. Albus took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. But Harry's eyes turned to Sirius, looking so much like he was pleading for help, that Sirius' heart felt like breaking. But he couldn't let that show. He had to be strong now for Harry. He had to keep his smile.

''You didn't like to live there?'' Albus asked, and Harry shook his head again.

''No, not so much...''

''Can you tell me why that was, Harry?''

''Th-they didn't like me.''

''Why would you think they didn't like you?''

Harry looked even more uncomfortable with the direction Albus' questions were going.

''Because that's what they said,'' he mumbled, blushing. ''They didn't want me with them, really, they just took me in because my parents were dead and no one wanted me. They said it's because of the money, but I didn't eat a lot and I always wore Dudley's old clothes even though they were much too big. So I don't really know why it was so expensive. And also...''

''Yes?''

''They said that I'm stupid and a freak,'' Harry whispered, bowing his head, looking mortified.

Sirius clenched his teeth, swearing that one day, when he had gotten out of here, he would go to the Dursleys and tell them exactly what he thought of them. Then he remembered that he had done so already, but somehow that didn't make him feel better. He wanted to... He closed his eyes. Harry. It was all about Harry. About making him happy. And while that was right, he still wished there was a way to make the Dursleys pay.

And then Albus asked Harry whether Vernon Dursley had ever hurt him, and Sirius' heart cramped.

''Sometimes... he sl-slapped me, or cuffed me.''

''Were you ever in hospital or with a doctor?''

''Once, last summer. Normally Aunt Petunia said it wasn't necessary and too expensive. And she is always worried that people will talk. She doesn't like that. But that time I fell down the stairs, and I was unco-...unconscience...''

''Why did you fall down the stairs, Harry?''

''Uncle Vernon was angry because I had broken a vase... I was really sorry! But Dudley had pushed me, and I couldn't...'' Harry looked down. ''He yelled and slapped me and I lost my footing. I... I was clumsy, I think.''

Albus looked at him sadly and turned the questions in the direction of Sirius now, asking how he had met him, and where, and Harry told him about the boys that had tried to mess with him in the park. He told about bringing food and how nice Sirius had been, and how he had not been afraid of him even though he looked so gruff.

''Did your aunt and uncle find out?''

Harry nodded. ''Uncle Vernon was angry that I had stayed away so long,'' he said softly. ''But he didn't yell. Normally he would always yell, but that time he was really calm.''

''What happened then, Harry?''

Harry squirmed.

''I know this is not easy for you Harry, but there is no reason to be afraid, okay? What did your uncle do?''

Harry swallowed as he looked down at his hands, which where balled into fists and pressed into his lap. ''He beat me... with his belt,'' he whispered.

Sirius couldn't help the sob escaping his throat, and he pulled at the chains. His little Harry. His bright, wonderful little boy. He was going to kill Dursley with his own bare hands! Merlin, he wanted to throttle the bastard until his face turned blue and he felt... felt how it was to be as scared and helpless as Harry had been!

There were tears on Sirius' cheeks when Harry's soft voice told about his worst experiences. Damn them all! This wasn't right... Harry shouldn't be forced to talk about this! He shouldn't even be here... Sirius suddenly grew aware that Remus was looking at him, and when their eyes met it was as if he could hear Remus' voice in his head. _This isn't the worst that could happen. The worst would be if he lost you._

And Remus was probably right. He knew he was right. But he still wanted to protect Harry from every pain and heartache in the world. When Harry talked about the night Sirius had followed him to the Dursleys he seemed to grow smaller and smaller in his chair, and Sirius just wanted to pick him up and hold him close and whisper that it was all over and that he loved him so very very much.

''When I came home Uncle Vernon said he would teach me... respect. He... he hit me. Really hard. Harder than usual. And I fell... I felt kind of dizzy and I couldn't really see without my glasses, but suddenly Sirius was there. And he took me away.''

Harry had been talking to his lap, not looking up, and just trying to get it all out. When he raised his head now and looked at Sirius, there were tear tracks on his cheeks.

Albus Dumbledore squatted down next to the chair, to bring himself on eye-level with the boy. ''I know this is hard for you Harry, but I need to know, did you want to go with Sirius that night?''

Harry nodded, tears rolling down his cheeks. ''Yeah! He said he wanted me to come with him, if I wanted to. And I did. I really really did!''

Albus smiled at him. ''Was it good, staying with Sirius?''

Harry smiled and nodded fervently, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve.

''We went by train and later we were on a lorry, and one time we had to run, but I got chocolate muffins. And then we walked through the forest and there were lakes and it was really nice, and sometimes Sirius was a dog and we played. And when I got tired, Sirius carried me. Then we were home and everything was alright.''

Harry seemed to have forgotten about the large audience, as he told more about their time together, telling it to Albus. He relaxed a little, and Albus encouraged him.

''Sirius is the bestest godfather ever, you know. I love him really really much, and I hope I can stay with him again when he is free.''

Harry's cheeks were hot and his eyes shone when he told of their adventures.

''He taught me how to fly! Really, it works! You sit on a broom and you kick off and then you fly! We did that a lot together. And I even had a room, all for myself! It was under the roof and you had to climb up on a ladder. And he read to me, and helped me build a tree house! There was one already, from when Sirius was young, but it was broken. And we played football, and Sirius made me clothes and he cooked. He's a lot better now! He hardly ever burns something. Really!''

The low murmur in the audience had steadily grown and grown. But it weren't the angry hisses of outrage and disgust. It was shocked sadness and compassion for the little boy who had lived. The boy who had survived the Killing Curse and brought them peace. The boy who had become an orphan and had then lived through so much hardship.

But it was also the murmur of shocked disbelief. Here sat Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, and he was happily chatting about mass-murderer Sirius Black building him a tree house!

Most of the members of the Wizengamot looked at Harry with various degrees of smiles on their faces though. Some were filled with pity, some with disbelief, and some even with amusement. It was an amazing sight, and Sirius couldn't help but look at his godson and feel immensely proud. He was a survivor.

-x-

And then Umbridge stood up from her place and came forward. A sharp hiss escaped through Sirius' gritted teeth, and in the same moment he thought he heard a growl. His eyes darted to the table of the defence, and caught Remus with his brows furrowed and a look on his face that reminded Sirius of a wolf raising his hackles and baring his teeth.

''_I can feel the wolf in me when someone threatens a member of his pack.''_

It seemed Sirius wasn't the only one in protective mode. The two Marauders sent death glares from across the room, when Umbridge smiled at Harry falsely and so sweetly that it made your teeth ache.

''Don't worry, Harry, I just want to ask you a few questions. I know you must be exhausted from telling all these _stories_.''

''Okay.'' Harry looked positively terrified.

''The day you met your godfather, when those boys teased you in the park, what did your godfather do to those boys?''

''He scared them away.''

''Did he hurt them for being mean to you?''

''No... but Marcus cut Sirius with a knife! It looked really bad and was bleeding, but I put iodine on it.''

-x-

''And when your uncle had gotten angry and punished you, why did you go back to the park the next day? Even though you knew it was forbidden.'' She looked at him sternly, shaking her head.

''Because... Sirius was waiting for me!''

''So he told you that you had to come back? Did he threaten you?''

''No. But he had promised to tell me about my parents. And I really wanted to see him. My aunt and uncle never told me about my parents. Just that they had died in a car crash. But that is not true. They were murdered.''

Outrageous calls could be heard at that one.

''So he bribed you?''

''I'm sorry...'' Harry bit his lip, blushing a little, ''I don't really know what that means... I just wanted to see Sirius again!''

-x-

''Didn't you feel bad when your godfather stole things? Like your food?''

''He didn't steal it! It was magic! Sirius is very good with magic.''

-x-

''Were you allowed to leave the house?''

''I sometimes went outside and into the forest alone. Sirius said I could go if I told him where I was going. But most times I'd rather stay with Sirius.''

''Weren't you shocked when you found out that your godfather was responsible for your parents' death? That he was a murderer?''

Harry shook his head. ''Heisnt.''

''What was that?''

''He isn't,'' Harry said loudly, more clearly, and for everyone to hear.

Umbridge looked at him pityingly. ''Is that what he told you?''

Harry nodded. ''I know Sirius would never do something like that. And my parents thought so too, that's why they made him my godfather!''

-x-

Sirius watched Umbridge getting closer and closer to the edge. She wasn't getting a foot on the ground. Harry was too innocent to be corrupted by her, too shy to be baited. And right now he had the whole audience of wizards and witches on his side, as they were watching the small boy with benevolence and compassion. But she had to somehow turn this around. Sirius knew that Dolores Umbridge wasn't looking for the truth. She was looking for conviction and condemnation.

''Did you ever feel remorse for running away from your aunt and uncle?''

Harry looked at her uncomprehendingly.

''Did you ever stop to think that your relatives did something not many would have done. Taking in a foreign child of an estranged relative? Feeding it and clothing it. Maybe sometimes losing their patience, but then who doesn't? Did you ever think that maybe you should have been more thankful?''

Harry's head had turned the colour of a tomato, and he mumbled, obviously uncertain, ''Maybe...''

Umbridge nodded in approval but with a put-upon sadness. ''We need to remember that the world does not revolve around our own selfish needs. And we have to remember that there is always another perspective. Have you ever thought, that your relatives maybe wanted to help you? Wanted to correct your misbehaviour? Have you ever thought that maybe you deserved to be punished?''

''ENOUGH!''

Sirius only noticed he had roared this out loud when the crowd gasped and Umbridge twirled around to him. He was leaning forward in his chains, panting like he had been running. His eyes were fixed on the small face of his godson.

''Don't listen to her, Harry. You know this is not true. You know it! Remember what I've to-''

''MR. BLACK!''

The commotion that broke out was deafening, almost drowning the pink prosecutor's voice.

''This is an OUTRAGE! Madam Chairman, I protest against this...!''

Madam Bones needed three attempts to bring the crowd to silence, even with her magnified voice. Finally Umbridge was the only one who was still shouting.

''He ought to be gagged for this! It's an impudence! A disrespect to the court! I pro-''

''MISS Umbridge!'' Madam Bones interrupted her sternly. ''When I called for silence, I was speaking to you as well.''

Umbridge closed her mouth, looking like she was about to spit fire and poison.

''Mr. Black, you are only allowed to speak when you are told to do so,'' Madam Bones said to him in a calmer voice. ''Any conversation between the defendant and the witnesses is forbidden. However, I can understand why this might have been upsetting.'' The Head of the Wizengamot turned to the prosecutor. ''Miss Umbridge, I think this has been more than enough. I would think that you are aware that special considerations apply when a young child is questioned in this court. I personally am shocked. I will now release Mr. Potter from his duties as a witness.'' She turned to Harry with a warm smile. ''Mr. Potter, you can step over to your guardians now. Thank you for answering our questions.''

Harry only nodded shyly, but Sirius saw that there was some reluctance to go back to Arthur and Molly, and that certainly wasn't because he wanted to answer any more questions.

''If all witnesses have been heard, I will close this case of the magical community against Sirius Black. The court will retreat to discuss the verdict.''

Madam Bones raised her wand, but she was interrupted by Albus Dumbledore.

''I would like to ask for a short interruption, and a chance to discuss what has been heard today with all parties.''

Madam Bones looked at him surprised and not without a hint of suspicion, but she nodded in agreement.

''Very well. The court will retreat for one hour. Professor Dumbledore, Miss Umbridge, I would like to ask you to come to the camera of the Wizengamot.''

Sirius looked up astonished and exchanged a gaze with Remus, who shrugged just as helplessly and surprised. What was Albus up to?

-x-

The silence was the treacherous calm in the eye of the storm. It did not mean you were out of danger. Far from it, you were right in the middle, disconnected from the outside world, and trapped in something that was so much larger than you, so much more powerful, and that could crush you in a heartbeat.

Sirius had got rid of the leg shackles for now, only his hands cuffed in front of him. Standing with his back to the room, he stared up to the small square of grey sky that was visible through the window under the ceiling.

Remus was sitting at the table, and Sirius could feel his friend's eyes on him.

''I'm sorry for what happened in there.''

''Don't be stupid. I knew what I was getting into.''

''That doesn't make it better.''

''I just wished I could have been more of a help.''

''You were.''

''They didn't believe a word I said!''

''I did.''

Sirius turned around and looked at his friend, all the way open and without the trace of a mask. Feeling almost translucent. It was still a frightening experience, so naked and vulnerable, but the look of affection and wonder on Remus' face would always be worth it.

''If everything else doesn't work out, I'm glad we had this time together.''

''Don't say that.''

''I want you to know how much you mean to me.''

''Fuck you, Sirius Black! Don't you dare say goodbye to me!'' Remus came around the table, looking at him fiercely. ''Whatever happens, Sirius, whatever happens, this will not be the end.''

-xox-

When Albus stepped into the room, they turned towards him, and the hopeful look on the faces of the two young wizards nearly broke the old wizard's heart. This felt like the hardest thing he had ever done.

How could he tell them?

How could he tell them that they had won a battle but not the war?

How could he tell them that it had not been enough...

TBC

* * *

**A/N:** I got the feeling you don't like it when I end on a happy note...

Oh, and Sundance? – Give it the spurs, gurl!

**You want to know what happens next? **

**Reviews are AWESOME! ;)**

**And to those Anonymous****: **Thank you all so much for your feedback! **The Sneering Snorkack: **Sorry, not sure we gonna see this. Also, Harry would at the most have only heard Harry's half of the conversation. :( **Marc: **Thank you! **HebHibHob: **Suspense... that's what it says on the package! ;) Sirius as Draco's guardian? Now that is really an idea even I did not have, lol. We will see if he needs one at the end of the story... Glad you liked the scene with Peter. Important moment for them, I think. And a Ron for everyone! World would be better. :) Thank you so much! Much love! **Windstar: **Thank you! And for once I made a reader smile, not cry! Am very happy to hear that! ;) **Bluemoon: **Harry, the boy with the license for cuteness! Like that! ;) Thank you once more for your kind praise, has me blushing (again), and spot on about the Dumbledores! **Mia: **Glad you liked the fluffy breather! Molly versus Sirius is coming up... maybe next chapter! Thank you! **Wicked Way: **Yes. Exactly about Ron and Harry. And about Remus. I think that's the way he would act. And glad you loved Aberforth! :) **read adiction: **Wow, what can I say? This was such a wonderful review, it put the brightest smile on my face. Thank you! Really. Very much. :)


	18. Mercy

**WARNING: **This chapter is bad. There are flashbacks. They freaked me out when I wrote them. Warnings for violence, language and major evil horribleness. Really, guys, this will be bad. Be prepared.

And I have to apologize to jogger. She had to read this again and again. In varying version of awfulness.

Many thanks to my dear beta, ambush99!

* * *

**Chapter 17 - Mercy**

The frozen silence of a winter's night had been hanging over of the Scottish hills, and Hogwarts Castle rose above its vast snowy grounds in the pale moonlight. The air of peacefulness was deceiving though. It had been long past the school's curfew, but that didn't apply to the two men facing each other in the firelit room on top of one of the imposing towers.

One was a thin man with sallow skin and a large, hooked nose, his shoulder-length, greasy black hair framing his face like curtains. His black eyes were shadowed and unreadable, but his whole expression was one of solid repugnance.

''You must be out of your mind, Albus,'' he said, his voice lined with contempt. ''You honestly expect me to help the man who tried to kill me?''

The older man behind the desk watched him wearily, but when he spoke his words were calm and incontrovertible.

''I expect you to help me save a man from a fate worse than death. A man who has already spent seven years in hell for a crime he didn't commit. He did not betray Lily and James.''

The dark eyes narrowed, but apart from that the man's face remained expressionless.

''Unlike me, is that what you want to imply?''

''I don't want to imply a thing, Severus. I'm asking you for your help. Help me save the man who saved Lily Potter's son.''

-xox-

Albus stepped into the room where Sirius and Remus were waiting. Waiting for Sirius fate to be decided. Waiting for him to tell them everything would be alright. How could he tell them? How could he tell them that they had won a battle but not the war? That it had not been enough. He looked at the two young wizards, standing together, Remus' hand still clutching Sirius' robes, while a plethora of emotions was ebbing away from their faces. Remus had turned very pale at the sight of him, and he swallowed audibly. But Sirius was almost eerily calm when he spoke, only the slightest hint of trembling in his voice.

''What did they say?''

Albus sighed, and studied them another moment. He wasn't sure what was harder to see. The wild hope in Remus' eyes, or the almost complete absence in Sirius'.

''They were very impressed by Harry's testimony. And yours too, Remus.'' He smiled at the young man who had been so excruciatingly brave and loyal today. ''It seems that a majority of the Wizengamot honestly considers that Sirius might have had Harry's well-being at heart when he took him away from the Dursleys. Some even doubt, that he broke out with the intention of joining Voldemort or committing any more crimes.''

''B-But that is good, isn't it?'' Remus asked desperately. But from Albus' grave face he had to know that the wizard did not come with good news alone.

''Yes. That is good. The Kiss is off the table, for one thing. However, things look different in regard to the original accusations.''

''They still believe I worked for Voldemort. That I betrayed James and Lily, and killed all those people with the explosion,'' Sirius said, and his voice was cold and matter-of-fact.

''Yes. And they have proposed a deal.''

''Really?'' Sirius asked with a note of sarcasm, ''Well, by all means let's hear it!''

''If you plead guilty for those crimes, your sentence will be reduced to only eight more years in Azkaban.''

''Eight years!'' Remus yelled. ''What good does that do him? Most people go crazy in there long before that!'' He turned towards his friend. ''You told me, you only managed to stay half-sane in there for the last seven because you could turn into Padfoot.''

''Don't think they'll let me do that this time around,'' Sirius said with a hard, brittle smile. He turned his eyes to Albus, and for a moment his face softened, a vulnerability in his eyes, a crack in his calm demeanour. ''Harry,'' he said quietly. ''He would be sixteen if I... when I get out. What would-''

''It was expressed quite clearly that, under no circumstances, a criminal and former supporter of Voldemort would be allowed... you won't get custody. I'm sorry Sirius.''

Sirius nodded, but his hands balled into tight fists. He stared straight ahead to a point on the floor a yard in front of him, when he asked, ''So what would happen to him? Would he stay at the Weasleys?''

''Probably. Since Molly obviously wants to adopt him.''

Sirius turned away, speaking with his back to them. ''I understand.'' There was a moment of silence, and when he spoke again it was soft and almost pleading. ''But I-I can't say that I betrayed James and Lily. Everything else, but not that, Albus. Not in front of Harry. He believes in me! He will probably grow up with a lot of lies about me, but I can't be the first one to tell them to him. And in memory of James, how can I stand up and say something like that?''

''Sirius!'' Remus said urgently, reaching for the other wizard's arm. ''You can't honestly agree to this deal!'' His voice was full of agony. ''You're innocent! There has to be a way to prove that... truth serum-'' He looked at Albus.

Albus shook his head. ''They won't accept that.''

''But there has to be something!'' Remus cried, his eyes brimming with tears now.

Sirius had sunken down on one of the chairs and stared at the floor. He looked defeated. He _was _defeated. And Albus had promised himself that he wouldn't let the boy suffer anymore, that he would make up for the mistakes of the past.

''There might be one other chance,'' Albus said carefully. ''I had hoped that it would not become necessary, but now I think it is.''

''What do you mean? What do we have to do?'' Remus demanded with desperate hope.

''What we need is proof. But the only proof is inside Sirius head. Veritaserum can be defeated, there have even been cases of immunity, therefore it is not accepted in court. Neither would be the use of a pensieve. Since a memory can only be extracted by its owner, Sirius could decide which memories to show and what to hide. There would be no proof in that.''

''So what would make them believe my side of the story?'' Sirius asked with bitterness. ''They can't look inside my head!''

''Yes, they can.''

''And how would they do that?'' he scoffed.

''With Leglimency.''

''Leglimency?'' Remus frowned. ''But... the Wizengamot members aren't all Leglimens, are they? Is there even one of them?''

''No. Leglimens of that level are very rare. There is myself of course, but I would be rejected as partial.''

''So who...?''

''There is only one other wizard who is qualified in Britain. Severus Snape.''

They both stared at him disbelievingly. Then Sirius laughed, wildly. ''You've got to be kidding me!''

''I don't think this is the right time for joking.''

''No. Fucking. Way.''

''Sirius, I know you two were not exactly on good terms, but-''

''Not on good terms is the understatement of the century!'' Sirius hissed, jumping from his seat and starting to pace, his bound hands balled to fists again. ''That guy is a complete arsehole who tried to make our lives miserable all the way through school! Are you out of your mind? He is a Death Eater! I wouldn't trust that greasy git as far as I could spit a rat!''

''He isn't a Death Eater anymore. He turned spy before the end of the war and took great personal risk to help our side.''

''And you believe that?''

''Yes. I trust Severus.''

''The way you didn't trust me?''

''He is the only one who can help you, Sirius.''

-x-

In Albus' eyes was open pain and pleading. Something Remus had never really seen before, not like that. He watched Sirius, standing in the middle of the room, with his hair falling in his face and his bound hands. His eyes were burning, and he looked like a wild, trapped animal. A majestic beast in shackles. But at least he was fighting. Fighting the wrong thing, but anything was better than that look of defeat.

''Sirius.''

His friend looked at him, and there was immediate comprehension of what he was asking of him. A wild fury was written all over Sirius' features, but underneath that Remus could see glimpses of panic, of desperation, of almost going insane. Sirius was afraid. Sirius was more afraid of Snape, than he was of Azkaban... or maybe not of Snape, but of someone breaking into the well-guarded fortress of his mind. Into the buried, painful, horrific experiences of the past. And the one who would strip his mind naked, had to be someone who had been happily sneering and gloating and trying to bring them down wherever he could. But that been over ten years ago. When they had all been just teenage boys. Surely Severus had changed since then. Mistakes had been made on both sides, and if a man could come back from being a Death Eater, surely he wouldn't hold a stupid teenage rivalry against an innocent man.

''If this is your only chance, Sirius, then you can't throw it away!''

Sirius was pacing again. ''What makes you think he would even do this? Severus Snape, helping me! ''

''He has agreed to do it,'' Albus said calmly.

Sirius whipped around. ''You asked him already!'' Sirius gave a painful laugh. ''Of course. I should have known. Strolling through my brain, looking in all the secret boxes, sneering... must be Christmas come early for him.''

''Actually, he was reluctant at first, but I could convince him.''

''Oh joy!''

''So... how would this work exactly?'' Remus asked helplessly. Maybe if Albus explained it... ''What exactly would Snape do?''

''He would enter Sirius' mind, would look through his memories, and, by a spell I invented, he could broadcast what he is seeing into the court room.''

''You want me to allow Severus Snape to stroll through my mind at leisure?'' Sirius groused.

''Not at leisure, he would show the Wizengamot the memories that prove your innocence. Of course he would have to locate them first.''

''But whatever he comes across, he can look at and show to a room full of strangers!''

''Well, to everyone in the court room. Which could be only the members of the Wizengamot. A private hearing.''

''Sirius.'' Remus looked at him. He knew it wasn't fair. But he didn't care about that. He just cared about saving his friend. ''Please. Think of Harry.'' And me.

Sirius took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. ''When?''

''The hearing would be the day after tomorrow.''

''My only chance, huh?''

''Yes.''

-xox-

Being back at the cottage felt surreal. Especially on a bright sunny afternoon, drinking tea in Remus' cozy kitchen. As if the whole nightmare of the trial had happened to someone else. But it was a short reprieve. The relaxed scenery was deceiving. Sirius felt so tense that even breathing seemed to take a conscious effort. His fingers rubbed at his throat and the leather collar that nuzzled against it. He sat still and silent and he didn't even notice Remus' worried glances. His mind was running a mile a minute, trying desperately to find a way out of this, knowing that there wasn't one.

He had to do the Leglimency. And he couldn't.

But what really had him not only on but almost over the edge, was that they were expecting a visitor. It seemed Albus had it all arranged already. And Sirius felt like he was being ripped away in rapids, inexorable pulled towards the fall.

Then there was a knock on the door.

-xox-

Snape had not changed that much.

_Black had changed._

Still the same greasy git, wearing the same expression of callous scorn and superiority.

_His careless good looks had definitely suffered. But the arrogance was as obtrusive as ever._

Merlin, he hated that bastard.

_If he had his way, the bastard could have rotted in Azkaban. _

-xox-

''Please, come in, Severus,'' Remus had greeted the Slytherin with almost warm politeness, but all he had got in return was a curt nod and a dismissive, ''Lupin.'' Snape had practically ignored the owner of the house, instead narrowing his black eyes immediately on Sirius, regarding him with open disdain.

Sirius was countering that with a display of total unconcern. His arms crossed over his chest, he leaned back against one of Remus' bookcases. Unfortunately, Remus was taking that as his clue to excuse himself, mumbling something about working on an article, leaving him alone in the room with their hostile guest for a reunion Sirius could have done without.

After a few moments Snape broke off the staring match, deliberately, to look around the room with mild disinterest.

''So... that's the lair of the werewolf,'' he said, a sneer curling his mouth, and already Sirius wanted to kill him.

''If that's an attempt at smalltalk, I have to tell you that you are lousy at it.''

Snape raised one eyebrow at him. ''I am sure you had a lot of inspirational conversations in Azkaban, Black. Any company must be lacking after that experience.''

Sirius gritted his teeth. ''It wasn't exactly my social circle. Though, I guess, you would have fitted right in. Lots of old buddies of yours.''

He kept staring and smiling down on Severus, trying with impossible force to hold on to his temper. Snape looked at him as if he knew this, and for a moment Sirius had to remember that the other wizard probably would have to use an incantation to get into his head.

''You still think you are clever, Black, do you?'' the Slytherin said silkily. ''One would think those seven years would have proved you otherwise.''

''I'm sure you break out of escape-proof prisons all the time.''

''No.'' Snape smiled thinly. ''Stripes were never my style.''

''Yeah, I hear you'd rather wear a turncoat. Convenient. I wish, I'd have had some names of Death Eaters to pay my way out. Too bad I never was one. But then I never was big on boot-licking.''

Snape's eyes were burning a lane in the air between them, and there was the hint of an ugly flush on his pallid face. Sirius grinned. He couldn't help it. Seeing Snape again seemed to bring back his teenage self, although he knew he really couldn't afford it right now.

''Maybe we should get on with it,'' Snape said waspishly, drawing his wand and pointing it at Sirius. ''Leglimens!''

Sirius threw himself out of the line of the spell, turning back to the sneering bastard with an angry glare. ''I can't remember telling you that you're invited, Snivellus. If you think you can just barge into my head, think again.''

''I don't have time to listen to you whining over all your hardship, Black. Since you want something from me, you'd better be prepared to do this on my terms.''

Sirius balled his fists, exhaling sharply through the nose, and Snape's lip curled in triumph.

''I haven't consented to this yet,'' Sirius said through gritted teeth.

Snape raised his eyebrow again, coming closer. ''Oh, but you don't have a choice, do you, Black? It's the only chance you have to keep your pathetic arse out of Azkaban. And unfortunately you need me for this. Maybe you should start by asking politely.''

Sirius mouth twisted with repressed fury, and his silver eyes nearly pierced the other man. He hated him. And what he hated the most was that Snape was right. He needed him.

''I bet you just love this.''

''Don't flatter yourself Black,'' the other one sneered, ''it's hardly a pleasure to dig my way through the thickness in your scull.''

The arrogance of the greasy git was almost unbearable. ''Are you trying to insult me by mocking my intelligence, Snivellus? You really think I have an issue with that?'' he asked with a sneer of his own.

It was Snape's turn to glare. ''No. I guess the way you set me up to get me _killed_ was indeed brilliantly thought out,'' he hissed.

Sirius stared at him, and he couldn't keep his jaw from dropping. A hysterical laugh was bubbling up inside him, but he choked it back.

''I set you up?'' Not even Snape could be that delusional. ''Not even you can be that delusional.''

''Delusional?'' Snape seethed. ''You sent me right into the arms of your little werewolf friend. Just because Potter chickened out, and your plan didn't work, doesn't change that!''

Sirius couldn't help but stare. This was so absolutely out there... No one could be so insane. ''You- you think I _planned_ that,'' he swallowed, ''That night. You and your friends attacking me.'' The hysterical laugh was finally there. ''Is that what you tell yourself? That I wanted what you did to me? That it was part of _my_ plan! You unbelievable arsehole...''

''You always are the victim, Black, aren't you?'' Snape scoffed ''Wallowing in your self pity. But you and Potter did the same to me, in front of the whole school I might add''

Sirius face was as blank as a fresh canvas. ''Really? We hung you head over heels in the air, pissed on you and shoved your own wand up your arse? Strangely enough I can't remember that incident, Severus.''

Snape narrowed his eyes. ''Aren't you exaggerating a bit, Black?'' he asked, sounding bored, ''And it wasn't my idea. Lucius-''

''Yeah,'' Sirius scoffed, his eyes burning, ''I heard that's how you explain it these days. You didn't want to. The others made you. Makes it easy doesn't it? If they aren't your choices. No need to face the consequences.''

The black eyes of the other wizard held a deathly glare. ''You think I don't face the consequences of my actions!'' he hissed furiously, ''My whole damn life is about facing the consequences of my actions! You think I would be here, if I didn't owe Albus? To help _you? _After Lily died-''

''Don't you even dare to speak her name!'' Sirius yelled, getting in his face. ''You followed the man who killed her and James! You helped him further into power! Oh, I know you _liked_ her,'' he spat viciously. ''But Lily was always a woman who made her own choices!''

''What do you know about Lily! Potter-''

''James was the man she loved!'' Sirius roared, finally losing it. ''Her husband! The father of her son, whom you and your friends turned into an orphan! So just- don't fucking speak about them.''

The look Snape sent him could have killed a lesser man. ''Must feel cozy in your righteous grief and self-pity.''

Sirius laughed. This was hysterical. ''Yeah. It's a fucking jolly holiday, Snape! You should try it!''

''You are really hilarious, Black.'' Snape said with disgust and turned towards the door. ''Pathetic, but hilarious. But I don't have time for this. Tell Albus that.''

''No, Severus, wait!'' Remus called from the stairs and Sirius wondered for an almost panicked moment how long he might have already been standing there.

But Snape just sneered at the other wizard. ''You better get your boyfriend under control, Lupin. There is a cozy cell waiting in Azkaban!''

He slammed the door on his way out.

-x-

''Are you out of your fucking mind!'' Remus was down the stairs and right in front of his idiot of a friend in the blink of an eye. He couldn't remember having ever been this furious. ''Do you think this is a game! This is you going back to Azkaban, Sirius! How about if you swallow your stupid pride, and try to be civil! He came here to help you! And you need his help! You might not like it. You might hate his guts, but I don't fucking care, because I won't lose you, and Harry won't lose you, because of a stupid school boy quarrel!''

Sirius stared at him. Long. Breathing hard, and without saying a word. And then his mouth twitched, and he turned away and went over to the couch, sitting down with his face buried in his hands. Remus watched him in shock. What in Merlin's name was going on here?

''Sirius, tell me what this was all about.'' Remus followed him, sinking down on the couch at a carefully measured distance. ''There... you said something there. I heard you yelling, and I... what was that about? What did Snape mean about setting him up? Was it about me? About what happened back then?''

Sirius didn't react. He just sat there, staring at the floor in front of him, as if he wasn't even there. Remus reached out with one hand, touching his shoulder. His friend flinched and shuddered.

''Sirius.'' He was growing worried now. ''What did you mean by they _attacked_ you? Who? When?''

Sirius looked up at him then, and Remus gasped, because his face was an open display of agony.

''Sirius.''

''I can't.''

''It's... it's that thing, the thing you couldn't tell me, isn't it? But you said maybe someday. Please, Sirius! I can't help you if you don't tell me. What happened? Who attacked you? It's got something to do with Snape coming to the Shack, hasn't it? You need to tell me!''

And then Remus saw the tear. The one single tear running from a wide open eye over a pale cheek. He grabbed Sirius hand, and Sirius squeezed it painfully.

''Tell me.''

-xox-

_It all had started rather innocently. Or as innocently as things ever were when the Marauders were involved. It had started with a prank. Preparing for a prank if you wanted to be accurate. _

_It was a silly prank about making the Slytherin Quidditch jerseys flash in red and gold during the next match and maybe – if they could work out the details – even giving the occasional roar. Since a simple spell would wear off too quickly, and they would not have a chance to get to the garments on the day before the match, they had come up with a plan of brewing a potion which they could then put in the wash. Luckily, they were on very friendly terms with the Hogwarts house elves. The problem was that the potion needed eagle eyes, and they were really rare and expensive and couldn't just be bought on the free market. So they had to extract them from Sluggy's potions cabinet. They had it all planned out. Wormtail would cause a disruption, something he was really good at. And Sirius, who was best in potions, and therefore was paired up with Remus, who needed all the help he could get to scrape through his OWL, would sneak off to the store room. _

_Unfortunately they had underestimated Snivellus' own eagle eyes. The Slytherin saw Sirius slip away from the commotion, and, being the sneaky bastard that he was, went right to Slughorn and tattled on them. Since Wormtail did a very convincing impression of being innocent, and this wasn't his first exploding cauldron in Slughorn's class, the potions master assumed that Sirius had just seized the opportunity, and he was the only one who got punished with detention._

_Now, detention was something a Marauder always had to anticipate, and Sirius was normally a good sport about it. It was just this particular form of detention that made him scowl. _

_Slughorn had tried to recruit him for his little Slug Club of wannabes and gonnabes for years already, but Sirius had thought he had given up after he told him in fourth year quite directly, that he wasn't fond of the company. Really, who wanted to join a club that had members like Lucius Malfoy and Rodolphus Lestrange? And get together for polite conversation with the likes of Snivellus, Nott or Cuffe? No, thank you very much, he had enough of that at home. _

_The last outbreak of Slughorn trying to persuade him had been when Regulus had joined the club in his second year. _

_''What does he need me for? He already has a connection to the influence of the Black family now,'' Sirius had asked his brother during one of their increasingly rare, almost polite conversations._

_''I think he would like to have both of us. Kind of like a matching pair.''_

_''Matching how?'' _

_Sirius had grinned but his brother only glared at him. Yes, talking with Regulus had become extremely difficult. Another reason to avoid the Slug Club. _

_Therefore Sirius had been extremely pissed off, when his detention turned out to be doing the serving at the next Slug Party._

_''He probably just wants you to see how great the food is and fold,'' Peter told him. ''I heard it tops even the Hogwarts feasts.''_

_''I don't care how great the food is. Believe me, great food doesn't belie the stuck-up, moronic company!'' Sirius growled._

_''And all because of Snivellus!'' James groused._

_There was a huff coming from their left and Lily Evans stood up marching over to them. _

_''You should be glad you didn't get worse! Do you know how expensive eagle eyes are? But I guess for you it's all the same isn't it? Wouldn't make a dent in the Black's fortune. Well, I for one am glad you didn't join the Slug Club! We can do without idiots like you!''_

_''Oh, really?'' Sirius sneered. ''You rather enjoy the company of Snivellus and Nott do you? Do they call you their 'little Mudblood'?''_

_''Sirius!'' James gasped, when Lily blushed deeply crimson._

_''What? It's not like _I _would say something like that!'' He turned back to Lily. ''Just a pretty strange choice of friends you have, Evans!''_

_Lily didn't say anything more, just turned on her heels and stalked off._

_''Did you have to say that, Padfoot? You've hurt her!''_

_''Oh, but it's okay for her to insult me?'' Sirius raised his eyebrows at his love-struck best friend. ''Get your head out of your arse, Prongs. Your hormones turn you into a sodding idiot!''_

_''There is something else,'' Remus, who had been watching the dispute silently until then, interrupted. ''Sluggy's party is on the full moon. Guess you won't be able to join us?'' He looked at his friend ruefully._

_''Don't be an idiot, Moony!'' Sirius smiled, already appeased and slinging an arm around the werewolf's shoulder. ''You know I would never miss this. Sluggy's Party will be over before curfew. I slip away and then _we _will have some fun!'' _

_He grinned. Everything would be fine. And he already had a plan that might even make Sluggy's party... eventful. _

_-xox-_

_The night of the party came, and while Slughorn in retrospect was trying to be rather kind about it, many of the guests weren't. The Professor, though, had been his usual jovial self, confirming James' suspicion that this detention was another attempt at recruitment. _

_But the Slytherin Head of House drew the line at Sirius' appearance. Sirius, fifteen and at the height of his rebellion, had been wearing his favourite pair of frayed jeans and a t-shirt advertising a Muggle rock band called The Who. Slughorn took one look at him and shook his head disapprovingly. _

_''Oh no no no, dear boy, this won't do.''_

_He waved his wand in the air, and within the blink of an eye Sirius was wearing old fashioned dress-robes in black and white that seemed to be strangling him in a familiar way, and made him look like a penguin. Sirius gritted his teeth, knowing that the evening would probably only get worse. _

_That this was true became apparent rather quickly. Especially the Slytherins obviously enjoyed sending him for stupid errands they could have much more easily done themselves, and accidentally spilled their beverages on him. _

_The only remotely satisfying moment so far had been, when Lily Evans had asked Snape if he could fetch her another pumpkin juice, and the Slytherin had redirected it at Sirius with a triumphant sneer. Sirius had seen the frown on her face and had immensely enjoyed stepping between the two of them with his back to the greasy git, blocking out his view, and handing Evans her juice with a radiant smile._

_''There you are, Lily. Always a pleasure.''_

_Lily blushed a little. ''Thank you, Sirius.''_

_When Sirius turned away he raised his eyebrows at the glaring Slytherin. One nil. _

_It was a small victory and it had been the only one of the evening. Sirius head was starting to hurt with trying to keep up a sweetish, unrelenting smile while serving drinks to Slytherins when he would have rather dumped them over their heads. Of course Regulus was there as well, and that was always a difficult situation. They normally just tried to avoid each other these days. Regulus had made his bed on the other side, and Sirius couldn't really forgive him for that. Not when Regulus _knew_. Not when he was his baby brother. Sirius tried not to look at him because then he wouldn't have to admit how much it hurt. _

_But things could get worse, and Sirius was about to find out when the guest of honour arrived. When he caught sight of the silver-blonde wizard across the room, Sirius groaned inwardly. He had thought he had finally gotten rid of Lucius Malfoy when the bastard had graduated two years ago. Apparently he'd been abroad to study or do whatever it was that Malfoys did for life and leisure. But he was obviously back. And his eyes were just zooming in on Sirius. _

_The blond arsehole strolled through the room in all his haughtiness, coming closer, and then, when he was just passing by him, Lucius gave him a lazy hit with his cane. _

_''Fetch me some champagne and a few oysters, boy.''_

_It was the same way he would speak to a house elf. Sirius rolled his eyes._

_''Yes, sir, Master Lucius, sir!'' he said in his best imitation of the squeaky voice of the little creatures, the mocking evident in his whole attitude. _

_Lucius head whipped around, but his eyes did not hold the seething anger Sirius had expected, but a slightly worrisome assurance of victory._

_''Very good, Sirius,'' he drawled. ''You definitely have potential, although you would be even better on your knees.''_

_Sirius glared at him. ''Yeah, in your dreams, Malfoy.''_

_''Not from what I've heard. You're rumoured to have great talent in being _obedient_.''_

_Sirius eyes narrowed in a frown. Something was off here, he just didn't know what. But before he could say something, Professor Slughorn had pushed himself between them to greet Lucius, oblivious to the tension in the air._

_''Ah, Mr. Malfoy, what a pleasure, what a pleasure! So glad you could make it! Now, I've heard you've been to France, you must tell me all about it later. Did you find the time to meet my dear friend Cruella de Sade in Paris? A magnificent woman! But then I heard you found a magnificent woman yourself, and right here in good old England?'' He winked at the blond wizard conspiratorially. ''Is it true?''_

_''Is what true, dear Professor?'' Lucius asked, turning on the charm._

_''Oh, Mr. Malfoy, you shouldn't stress my heart so much!'' Slughorn chided him with a smile. _

_''I think it is more your curiosity I'm stressing, Professor,'' Lucius said with a perfect imitation of a teasing smile, ''but if you refer to my engagement to the fair Narcissa Black, I can most definitely confirm that.''_

_Sirius eyes widened in shock and surprise when he heard these words. Lucius Malfoy and Cissa? Well, his uncle Cygnus had been showcasing his youngest daughter like a prize horse alright, and the Malfoys were rich, much richer than that particular part of the Black family. It was a match made in hell, obviously, but Sirius wouldn't care less if it wasn't for this victorious little smile Lucius was sending him right now._

_''Well, my congratulations, Lucius! You found yourself a beautiful wife there,'' Slughorn said, patting Lucius arm._

_''Oh, yes, she is very beautiful,'' Lucius agreed, ''but we also have become really _close_.'' He smiled meaningfully at Sirius. ''There are so many fascinating stories she can tell.''_

_''Ah, you are a lucky man indeed, Mr. Malfoy! I have to mingle a little now, but enjoy the party, and don't forget to tell me all about Paris later!'' And with that he was gone._

_Sirius felt a strange cold dread creeping into his chest and stomach._

_''Run, boy,'' Lucius said with an evil grin, ''I gave you an order, didn't I? You wouldn't want me to punish you, would you?''_

_Sirius didn't say anything. He just turned and stalked off. But he felt sick to his stomach. Something wasn't right. This couldn't happen. Not here. What did Lucius know? _Maybe every dirty little detail, _a voice whispered in his head. _He knows what a pathetic wimp you are, Cissa has told him, he knows everything... _No. He couldn't. Because that didn't belong here. The darkness of that place couldn't reach him here. Here he was free and strong. And he would show Lucius Malfoy. Time to put his plan into action._

_He had brought slugs. After all, he thought with a grin, it was a Slug Party, not nice to not invite the name's patron. Sirius pulled out the bag from under his shirt and started to casually drop the little buggers. On table tops, at the buffet, or just on the floor._

_Then he took a plate and arranged a few slugs on it in a nice pattern, putting some oysters around them. He dropped the last slug in one of the dark green champagne flutes, and went over to the smiling blond wizard, handing him both with a flourishing bow. Before Lucius could say anything he turned on his heel and walked away. Finding Professor Slughorn, he beckoned the Professor into a corner. _

_''Professor, you said I only have to serve for three hours, and they are over in a few minutes. Do you think I could go now? I don't feel all that well.''_

_Slughorn looked at Sirius' rather flushed and tense face and immediately agreed. ''Of course, my dear boy, we will unfortunately have to come to an end soon enough anyway. Are you sure you wouldn't like to stay for a glass of champagne?''_

_Sirius nodded vigorously. He was cutting it really close now already. Thankfully Slughorn just sighed and waved his wand, turning Sirius clothes back to his own jeans and t-shirt._

_''Thank you, Professor.'' Sirius said, giving Slughorn one of his radiant smiles that so often got him his way with teachers. _

_He slipped out of the room when the first yells of disgust were heard. Dusting imaginary dirt off his hands, he strolled down the corridor with a broad grin on his face. _

_-xox-_

_He nearly made it to the stairs to the entrance hall when suddenly the torches lining the walls went out with a hiss, wrapping him in darkness. Sirius frowned and pulled out his wand, muttering ''Lumos!''_

_But before he could even take a look around himself, there was a voice in the dark, calling ''Expelliarmus!'' and his wand was ripped out of his hand and flew away from him, leaving him in total darkness once more._

_For a moment Sirius stood frozen. His heart was beating fast and his thoughts were running wild. Was it Lucius? Someone else? Carefully he felt his way to the wall next to him, needing one thing steady to get his bearings back. The rough stone was cold and a little damp, and for a moment he had to press his eyes closed and take a deep breath to remember he was at school and not at Grimmauld Place. _

_And then there were whispered words in the dark. _

_Lumos lumos lumos lumos..._

_Wands lit up in the darkness of the dungeon, and he saw that he was surrounded. Four people, their wandlight directed at him, blinding him and leaving their faces in the shadows._

_''You really thought we would just let you get away with that?'' A voice full of scorn, coming from his left. He was rather certain it belonged to Anthony Nott._

_''He always gets away with everything,'' spat someone further to his right. That was Snape spouting his typical crap. He had just been _doing _detention._

_''Not this time,'' a third voice said softly. And that one made him shiver. He would always recognize Lucius Malfoy's haughty tone. _

_Sirius squinted at his attackers. The odds weren't good, and the situation started to make him nervous. But he would never give them the satisfaction of letting any of that show._

_''Okay, so you have me wandless and surrounded. Four against one. That's pretty brave of you!'' he glared at them challengingly._

_''You don't get it, Black, do you?'' Lucius again, obviously the boss of their little group. ''You still think you are in control. But you're not. And if you want to get out of here, you will do exactly as we say, and be an obedient little boy.''_

_''You don't say?''_

_''Oh yes.'' Lucius stepped out of the ring, coming closer. ''You think, you're tough, don't you Sirius? Well, from what I heard, you're not such a loudmouth when you're not at school, hanging with your blood-traitor pals.''_

_Sirius panted slightly, his thoughts were running wild. He couldn't know. No one knew! But then Narcissa did. Not everything, but some. But she wouldn't tell- yes, she would. She would tell the blond wizard she was swooning over. She was a silly girl and would tell him everything he asked. Oh Merlin, what had she told him? _

_''All that bluster, it's just a show to hide how weak you are, isn't it, Sirius? But I know all about you now, all your dirty little secrets. How you try _so _hard to be a good boy for Daddy.'' _

_Lucius drew nearer, and Sirius involuntarily made a step backwards, hitting the wall, or rather a door in the wall, solid and wooden. A brief hope of escape was extinguished by Lucius' next words._

_''Alohomora!'' _

_The door sprung open, and Sirius stumbled through backwards, carried by his own weight. He fell and scraped his hands, but didn't really feel it. A torch flamed up on the ceiling, illuminating a small storage room. Old desks and chairs were piled at one side, but apart from that it was empty. Sirius scrambled to his feet, backing away from the group of Slytherins, looking for an out. But there was none. Lucius was already in his face, backing him against the far wall. The blond wizard grinned, pointing his wand at Sirius and pressing it against the younger boy's throat. _

_''I always knew you were a pathetic little shit. Are you already peeing your pants? Shall we take a look?'' _

_He took a step back and slashed his wand downwards, making Sirius jeans drop and even managing to rip his shirt in the process. Sirius hissed in anger, trying to fight the flooding feeling of desperation and shame, while Snape, Nott and another boy, some older Slytherin Sirius didn't know by name, sniggered and sneered. _

_''What's this Lucius?'' he tried for a snide tone. ''You that eager to get into my pants?'' _

_Lucius backhanded him with a spell. Sirius turned his head back at him spitting out some blood but grinning defiantly. Pain was something he wasn't afraid of. _

_''Learned that from _your _dad?'' _

_But Lucius only smiled with the knowledge that he had the upper hand here. ''Interesting that you would ask that. But then I guess that you are used to being put down. Does Orion give it to you often?'' His voice was full of mocking concern. ''Is he a little rough with you?''_

_''He drops his pants for his dad? Ew! That's sick Black!'' Nott said from behind Lucius._

_Sirius frowned at Lucius in confusion. Did he think... or was this just to taunt him...? _

_''Oh, little Sirius would do everything his daddy says, he doesn't want to make him angry. But you are just too stupid, aren't you, Black? You're just a pathetic little wimp, never good enough. And then your daddy has to punish you.'' _

_The blond wizard smirked, drawing the tip of his wand along Sirius skin, over his stomach and down his hip. Sirius swallowed against the bile rising in his throat. No, no please, that wasn't him. Not him. Not here. _

_''But I bet this sick little pervert likes it. Likes to stick his bottom up and get spanked. A pathetic little toy for your daddy, aren't you? You always were. He used to put you on a pedestal like a little doll. I guess you're not so sweet and angelic anymore now... but it seems there is other fun to be had with you. I'm eager to find out.'' _

_It wasn't really true. He had never been good enough, not even as a little boy. Had always messed up somewhere however much he tried. Only these days he didn't try anymore. And these days his father's first priority wasn't trying to make him behave like the perfect heir. These days he wanted him to surrender, to bow to his authority. He still wanted him to be the perfect doll, but there was no doubt, no illusion that it was all to save the face of the family. Orion had long ago abandoned his son. He wasn't part of them anymore. He was a puppet that his father wanted to bend to his will._

_Someone in the dark made fake vomiting noises. They were closing in on him now, only Snape stood off a little further and Sirius could see the happy disgust in his eyes as he looked at him._

_''I can't believe you are always so full of yourself!'' he sneered, coming closer. ''The great Sirius Black... hilarious!''_

_''He's nothing but a disgusting poofter!'' _

_''You think so, Nott?'' Lucius drawled. ''He certainly has the spirit to be a submissive little slut.'' _

_''And yet, you are the one who pulled my pants down,'' Sirius hissed, earning himself another backhand._

_''Come on, Lucius, let's play a little with the little baby lion. See how well he can roar then!'' the fourth boy called with malicious laughter in his voice._

_''Yes, let's play with our new toy,'' Lucius said, stepping away from Sirius. _

_He let his eyes wander over the teenager, giving him time to picture himself. Pressed against the wall, his jeans around his ankles and his t-shirt ripped and hanging open, exposing him even more. Shivering in the cold air of the dungeon. _

_''I told you, you would be better on your knees, Black,'' Lucius said, ''Why don't you get down for me?''_

_''And I told you, in your dreams!'' Sirius spat. _

_''You think it is wise to anger the man pointing a wand at your throat?''_

_''You know what they say about boys and their wands?'' Sirius sneered._

_A bleeding slash appeared at the base of his throat. It hurt like hell and Sirius gasped, his hand flying up and touching blood, but the cut was not deep enough to be dangerous. Still it had been a stupid risk. He made a sound between a choke and a laugh. _

_''You think that scares me?'' he whispered. _

_There was something dangerous glinting in the blond wizards eyes when he stepped closer and spoke softly, close to his ear. ''You will go down, and you will crawl.''_

_''I don't think so.''_

_''Imperio.''_

_Sirius' eyes widened in shock but Lucius just smiled. The other boys looked excited. Using an Unforgivable probably made Lucius look like a big shot. And he revelled in it. _

_''Drop to your knees, Black!'' _

_Sirius fought against the feeling of calm cotton-like disinterest that was filling him and telling him that it was all fine, it was best to do what Lucius said. He could feel his knees give away, bending of their own accord, until they hit the stony ground. _

_''Very good,'' Lucius praised him mockingly, taking another step back, and so did the other boys, building a wider circle with Sirius in the middle. They were all sniggering, but Sirius didn't care anymore. Although that was only partly true. His own conscience was still there, screaming at him to get up, to pull his jeans up, to run at Lucius and rip his throat out, but it was drowned in the cozy blankness. _

_''And now, crawl!'' _

_Sirius right arm crept forwards, but then halted. He didn't crawl. He never had crawled. And never would. Why did he do this?_

_''Come here and lick my boots!''_

No. _Something inside him said. _No way. _His arm started to tremble, so did his right leg. _

_''Do it!''_

_''N-no...'' Sirius moaned, his body jerking and struggling, falling forward._

_''No?'' Lucius asked softly. ''You don't want to obey? Or do you want us to teach you? I see... you want us to punish you, is that it Black?'' He stepped next to Sirius, who was lying on the floor, kicking him in the side with the tip of his boot. ''I've misjudged you, have I? You don't want to be a good boy. You want to be the bad boy who gets his hide tanned. The way Daddy does.'' He crouched down and grabbed Sirius long hair, pulling his head up so that he could look him in the face. ''Narcissa told me all about it. How Orion would discipline you. She said you cried. Will you cry for me too, Black? Will you beg me not to hurt you? Will you snivel and bawl, like you do at home? You strut around the school, but you are nothing but a pathetic little shit. Say it for me Sirius. Say 'I am a pathetic little shit'."_

_''I am a pathshhhrg -uck you!''_

_Lucius shook his head. ''He just doesn't learn. It's such a shame. I think we really have to teach him a lesson here, boys!'' He straightened himself, and flicked an non-existing speck of dust from his robes. ''Hang him up, Severus, will you?''_

_Snape stepped forward with a sardonic smile. _

_''Levicorpus!''_

_Sirius felt his body jerking upwards. The floor moved away from him, while his stomach heaved and he had to swallow back to not vomit on himself. He felt dizzy from the Imperius and the blood rushing into his head, dangling upside down in midair. His ripped t-shirt slid further up his lean body, while his jeans were tangled somewhere around his knees. He struggled, twisting his body around, but his feet seemed to be glued to the thin air. _

_With another spell his arms were pulled behind his back roughly, ropes winding themselves around his wrists. And then his underpants began to move, inching upwards over his thighs, revealing his limp penis for all to see. Sirius closed his eyes, hoping they wouldn't notice his flaming cheeks. _

_No such mercy._

_''Oooh... he's blushing,'' Nott cooed, ''don't try to tell us you're still a little virgin boy, Black!''_

_Sirius didn't answer, he felt the Imperius wearing off quickly but he still felt disorientated. Sneering faces in the dim light of the single torch. Jeering and laughing. Disconnected voices, circling him. _

_''Look at him whining, that pathetic wimp.'' _

_''I bet he'll start crying any moment.''_

_''I think he needs some discipline,'' Lucius soft voice came from behind him, and suddenly there was a glove-covered hand on his arse. His very bare arse. Sliding along his skin, along his crack, up to his thigh. _

_''Get your hands off me, you bastard!'' he cried, struggling again. But there had been a tremble in his voice, and Lucius had heard it for sure, because he laughed, and there was victory in it._

_''Seems our little lion doesn't like it gentle. Wants it rough, I gather.'' _

_''Yeah, look at him all limp and shrivelled,'' the fourth boy sniggered. ''Not very impressive, Black!''_

_''Well, why don't we accomodate him?'' Lucius asked. There was a pause and then,_

_''Flagellata!''_

_The spell made a sound like a whip crack, and the stinging pain that followed it was hot like fire. Sirius had felt it before. His father was creative in his spell-work, too. Probably much more than Lucius. But it wasn't about the pain this time, he didn't care about that, knew he could take it. What he couldn't take was the laughter, the taunting, the sniggers all around him, while he hung exposed and practically naked, getting his arse whipped. There was a thick lump of bile and shame in his throat, and he really didn't want to cry, he didn't. He wouldn't. But the spells rained down on him, bruising him, cutting him, scratching him. And the taunts didn't stop, cutting even deeper._

_''Do you like that, Black? Does it get you all hot and bothered?''_

_''Bet he wants to blow us!'' _

_''Do you blow your little friends, Black?''_

_''Or are you a real Daddy's Boy?'' _

_''I hear you'd bend backwards for your old man, or maybe you are bending forwards, presenting your little bottom.''_

_''F-fuck you!''_

_''What did he say?'' Nott sniggered, ''He fucks him?'' _

_''Merlin, that is really sick.'' Snape spoke up again, his voice filled with pointed, pretentious contempt. ''I should have known what a pervert you are, Black. Is that what you do when you sneak out at night with Lupin and Potter?'' _

_''Yeah, Black, who of you gets it up the arse? Does Potter do you?'' _

_''Maybe he uses his broomstick!'' _

_''Or is it Lupin?'' Snape sneered, ''Are you doing the little wimp?" _

_It was typical of Snape, always targeting Remus. Sirius bristled with fury, and it was clearing his head. _

_''Shut the fuck up, you greasy git!'' he hissed. _

_''Sectumsempra!'' _

_A sharp pain on his cheek that left a dull throbbing. _

_''Really, Black! You should learn some manners,'' the Slytherin sneered. ''We're just trying to make some conversation here. You should know how that works, coming from such a famous family. What's so special about the little shit anyway? He's nothing but a skinny pale weakling! Maybe we will have a go at him next.'' Snape was almost in his face now, upside down, which was all the more unnerving. ''What do you think, will he cry? Will he look as pathetic as you do right now? A little shivering shit, with snot running down his face?''_

_''You don't have a fucking clue about Remus! He could rip you to shreds if he wanted!'' Sirius hissed in a low voice, directing all his venom at the greasy Slytherin. _

_''You're wasting your time there Severus!'' Nott said, ''He still thinks he is something better than us. Time to show him how wrong he is.''_

_Sirius heard the noise of a zipper being pulled down and a moment later there was something warm and wet hitting him on the chest, running down his body, up his neck, into his hair and over his face. The air was filled with a sharp, acrid smell. He pressed his lips together as his stomach turned, but it was too much and he threw up, choking and coughing and dry heaving. _

_''Merlin, Nott!'' the seventh year laughed, ''now you made him all filthy!''_

_''Doesn't make much difference on him,'' Snape smirked. _

_''Yeah, nothing but a filthy piece of shit anyway, isn't he?''_

_''Think he'll choke like that? Let's let him down and see if he has learned his first lesson.''_

_In a dizzying second the room righted itself, and Sirius dropped down hard, face first, into the pool of piss and puke, he tried to swallow the sob that wanted to escape him, but he didn't have enough air in his lungs. He felt the tears spill over and tried to tell himself it was just from the choking, but it didn't matter. It was what Lucius had been waiting for._

_''Aw, look at the poor baby. Now we've made him cry.'' _

_More sniggering._

_''Maybe he would like to crawl now,'' Lucius said smugly. ''Imperio!''_

_''Oh, yeah Black, crawl like the vile creature you are!''_

_''Come here, Sirius, crawl to your Master!'' Lucius sneered. _

_The ropes had fallen off, and Sirius struggled onto his hands and knees. He crawled a yard and then fell again with a sob. Trembles and dry, racking sobs shook his body. This couldn't be happening, not here, not to him. _

_''Mordred and Morgana, what a pathetic piece of shit!''_

_He was. He had always been. Just been hiding it well, how weak he was, how disgusting and pathetic. But now he was lying here for all to see and everybody would know, everybody would see how ugly he was, how vile... _

_''Yeah, he really is a disappointing little pet, is he?'' Lucius sighed dramatically, ''Anything else you want him to do?''_

_''We could make him lick up his puke!'' Nott suggested with a smirk. _

_''Holy harpies, you really are disgusting, Nott!'' It was said with admiration. _

_''I want to know where he and Potter sneak off to all the time, and what's up with Lupin!'' Snape suddenly said with gloating in his voice._

_''Well, ask him!'' Lucius wasn't all that interested, ''Sirius, be a good boy and answer Severus' question!''_

_Coughs and splutters, and then, ''W-why don't you find out yourself, arsehole?'' _

_''Now, now, none of that!'' Lucius said. ''Be a good, polite, little doggy.''_

_''T-the Shack... we- we go to the Sh-Shack... you press the knot on th-the base... Wh-homping Willow andrrgh-astard!''_

_''What about Lupin?''_

_No. No. No. Shut up. Shut up. _

_He retched._

_''Forget it,'' the fourth boy said, ''This is no fun! And, really, he is reeking! Ew! Merlin, he is disgusting!''_

_''Yeah, I think we had enough fun for today. And it's almost the end of curfew already. We have to run.''_

_''Alright.'' Lucius seemed a little reluctant, ''but we wouldn't want him to go and tattle would we? Stupefy!''_

_Sirius grew rigid. His limbs were stiff and he couldn't move a muscle. The four boys came forward, sneering and grinning down on him._

_''Sleep tight, Black!'' Snivellus said with a satisfied smirk._

_And then the torch went out with a sizzling sound._

_-xox-_

_He was naked and he was cold, lying in the darkness of what he knew was a storeroom in the dungeons, but his imagination kept playing tricks on him. The air was thick with the acrid smell of excrements, and in a sickening way that grounded him. Made everything more real. Bile was rising up in his throat again, but he could neither swallow nor puke. Helpless tears rolled from his eyes. If he could have chosen in this very moment, death would have sounded like a good option._

_But even in his short life he had learned that life didn't give you these options. It just gave you shit and expected you to handle it. But he couldn't handle this. This was the one thing he couldn't do. And it wasn't fair! He had fought! He had done and accepted everything, for the promise that there was another world, a world where he was free. _

_He wished he had not planted the slugs. He wished they had never thought of that stupid prank, so he would have never been to the idiotic party. He wished he would have been faster, wouldn't have been so stupid as to lose his wand..._

_He sobbed. He was alone, and no one would hear it. He hurt. His whole body hurt, and he couldn't move, could only endure it. But worse, so much worse, were the memories, all much too fresh, too vivid. The blood was burning in his cheeks, and he tried not to think, just not think at all, but his imagination painted the darkness with sneering, taunting faces. They had seen... Merlin, what they had seen him do..._

_He didn't know how long he'd been lying in the darkness. Minutes, hours, it all seemed to be the same. He heard footsteps. Slow and measured. No... no, please... The wooden door creaked open. The bright blue light of a wand tip fell into his eyes, burning and blinding him. _

_He couldn't see who it was. Couldn't see who had found him, but help had a bitter, sickening flavour. Someone was looking at him, seeing him naked and lying in a pool of filth. A whimper crept up in his throat and he pressed his eyes close, hoping like a little child that he wouldn't be seen, that it wouldn't be real, if he couldn't see it._

_''Look at you,'' Lucius Malfoy said, and Sirius almost felt thankful. Fear and disgust, but also a little relief. _

_''Lying here in your own filth. Whatever would your daddy say if he could see you like this?'' Lucius sighed in mocking disappointment._

_Inside his head Sirius was laughing hysterically. His father... his father wouldn't say anything at all. He would probably just rip him to pieces. _

_''We really need to get you house-trained.'' Lucius said, leaning against the opposite wall, wrinkling his aristocratic nose. ''I like my pets better when they don't smell like puke. Scourgify!'' _

_The nasty smell and the stickiness vanished, but not only from the floor. The spell seemed to run over his skin like a tickling sensation. It made him feel even more exposed, reminding him that he was still very naked._

_''You have really no idea what a beautiful sight you are like this, Sirius.'' Lucius drawled, coming closer, and every cell of Sirius' body wanted to crawl away from the smiling wizard, but his body was frozen. ''Such a sweet, submissive little doggy... Now, I couldn't just leave you like this, could I? All alone. In the dark, with the monsters...'' _

_He sniggered._

_And then the older wizard crouched down beside him stroking Sirius' sweaty hair with his gloved hand, the evil, satisfied sparkle in his eyes belying the tender gesture. _

_''And I also forgot to give something back to you.'' He reached inside his robes and when he pulled his hand out again, it was holding Sirius' wand. ''Now, I guess you want to have that back don't you?''_

_And then the tip of the wand glided along his bare thighs and over his hip. It was making his skin crawl. His eyes stared straight ahead, watering from their lack of blinking. It wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't real..._

_But there was that voice. Dark silk winding around his throat to choke him._

_''You are mine now, little angel.''_

_The leathery fingers in his hair and the single wooden one running purposefully over his bottom. Sirius was panting. Short, panicked gasps. _

_''Such a nasty, naughty little boy. So dirty inside, aren't you?''_

_The wooden tip stopped, pressing on its target. _

_''Let's find out.''_

_The pain was sharp. Scorching and unbearable. _

_It was entering him, penetrating, ripping him apart. _

_Sirius screamed. Shrill and absolutely silent. _

_There was no sound to his agony._

_There was nothing._

_Only a hand stroking over his hair and along his cheek._

_''I love it when you cry.''_

_-xox-_

_He didn't know how much later it was. He had lost all sense of time. It felt like there was a huge gaping hole inside of him, draining him of all feeling. Maybe he was losing his mind._

_He was alone. At least he thought so. It had stopped a while ago. The things. The words. The hands. He thought he was gone. _

_His limbs were slowly starting to work again. It was painful, but he could move. He stopped, holding his breath. Were there voices again? Was he coming back? Had he even been there? He wanted to believe that it had just been a nightmare, but the pain was still there. _

_He bit his lip and took hold of his wand. It hurt. He felt sick. He tried to get on his knees, retching, but there was nothing left in his stomach._

_Definitely voices now. Whispers. Footsteps. More than one._

_With a painful whimper he reached for his pants and trousers, trying to pull them up his uncooperative limbs with stiff fingers. They were coming closer. _

_''Sirius?''_

_No. Please, please, please, please..._

_His wand shook like a leaf when he tried to direct it at himself. ''R-reparo. Scour-g-gify.'' _

_He knew he had done a bad job. There was a rustling at the door._

_''I think it is here. We need to scope out the dungeons better. I didn't even know there was a room here.''_

_The door creaked open. _

_''Sirius, are you here?''_

_James. _

_Not James._

_Please, not James._

_Anybody, but not James._

_-xox-_

_''Padfoot?'' _

_''Hey, Prongs.'' _

_Sirius was sitting against the far wall of the room with his knees bent. His hair was hanging in his face._

_''What are you doing here?''James came into the room, looking around with a frown, while Wormtail remained lingering in the doorway. ''Are you okay?'' he asked worriedly when he came closer and Sirius didn't look up, ''We've been waiting for you!'' _

_''Sorry,'' Sirius laughed a little shakily, ''got jumped by some of the Slytherins. They stunned me.''_

_James crouched down in front of him, his eyes worriedly searching over his friend. ''What's with your cheek?'' he asked, reaching out, but Sirius turned his head away._

_''Just Snape being the usual arsehole.'' He shrugged._

_''Snivellus did this? Damn, that git is really in for it!'' James seethed. ''But you're okay?''_

_''Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.'' _

_James shook his head. ''You know, Wormtail just saw him sneaking out. Snivellus. That guy is such a creep! But we have to be careful tonight. Maybe better stay in the Shack.''_

_''What?''_

_''Full moon, Padfoot!'' James said looking amused, ''Have you forgotten? Come on, Moony is waiting." _

_Sirius stared at James, in horror. ''Prongs...''_

_''What? What's wrong?''_

_''He went out?''_

_''Who?''_

_''Snape! Merlin... no... he wouldn't... would he? Oh shit!"_

_''What is it, Sirius?''_

_''James. I messed up...I-I said he had to press the knob and...''_

_James stared at him wide-eyed. ''You did what?''_

_''Snape! James, I told him how to get to the Shack! What if he's going there right now? What if he... Oh no! No no no... Moony!" Sirius tried to get up, but his legs gave way under him. ''We have to stop him! James...''_

_But James was already running._

-xox-

Sirius had held on to Remus' hand tightly all through the gruesome tale. But he had not looked at him. Had told it to the room, staring ahead unseeing, sometimes hawing and stopping, sometimes speaking so quietly that Remus had to strain his ears to hear the words. There had been no more tears. His voice sometimes almost bare of any emotion. Coming from the deepest pit of horror in his soul.

Then Sirius fell silent. Because what had happened next, Remus already knew. James had gone after Snape, had pulled him back, but Snape had seen the wolf. Remus had ripped himself to shreds. Snape had been sworn to secrecy. And the Marauders had stopped talking to Sirius. Because he had betrayed them.

Remus felt sick. He wasn't sure if he ever had felt that sick in his life. He remembered Sirius' pale body in the shower again. Lying in a pool of watery red. He remembered him standing in front of him, desperate, pleading, begging his friend to forgive him. It had been his fault, his decision, his anger and stupid hurt that had driven Sirius so far. He had needed them. He would have needed them so badly after this, and they had abandoned him.

But they hadn't known.

''Why didn't you tell us?'' Remus whispered.

Sirius finally looked at him. Raw and bleeding. Falling apart. ''I just couldn't.''

Remus took hold of him, pulled his stiff body against him, and wrapped his arms around him. And after a few moments, where he seemed to fight a losing battle, Sirius slumped against him, clinging to him, clutching his robes, with desperate force.

And then he started to sob. Remus had never seen Sirius cry like this. Not silent tears, but heart- breaking, shuddering sobs. It was as if it was all breaking out of him, all that pain and hurt he had saved up over the years. That he had endured alone. And Remus held his shaking body while he gasped for breath, stroking his back and murmuring nonsense, like you would do with a little boy, but which probably no one had ever done for Sirius.

''I wished you would have told us. You could have. We wouldn't have looked at you differently. James wouldn't have looked at you differently.'' Another thought entered Remus' mind. The memory of a sunny afternoon in the week of their OWLs. ''You told him.'' Remus said in realization. ''You told James.''

''Parts of it. After I had run away from Grimmauld.'' Sirius whispered. ''Not everything. Not about Lucius... not everything.''

Remus nodded. Resuming his stroking, while Sirius breathing calmed a little. ''I'm glad you could tell him at least a little. You don't have to do it all alone, Sirius.''

They sat this way for a long time, Remus holding his friend, and Sirius just leaning into him. Remus wished he could have stopped time and given his friend the break, the reprieve, he deserved, but he knew that it wasn't possible.

''About the Leglimency...'' he whispered finally. Sirius stiffened. ''Now, I can understand why the idea seems impossible, Padfoot. And with Snape... especially with Snape. But if we don't do this, if you don't do this, you will go back to Azkaban. And Lucius Malfoy will win.''

''I'm scared, Remus. There is so much ugliness inside there. Things I have tried to push away, things I have lived through again and again in Azkaban. And for Snape to see, for everybody on the Wizengamot to see... Lucius Malfoy... ''

''I know. But if it works... Sirius, if it works you will be a free man. And you can be Harry's father. For Harry...''

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes. ''I know. For Harry.''

TBC

* * *

I know this was hard. It was hard for me to write, too.

**Give a little love! Please review!**

**Reviewers Anonymous****: Bluemoon:** I'm so glad you saw all that! Not everybody pays such attention to the style! Your praise made me very proud. And your worry made me smile. I promise to sleep a little now! :P **HebHibHob: **SORRY! Yes, a knot in the stomach is a good thing, lol. Reaction-wise. ;) But there is hope now, isn't there? Thank you for... well the almost speechlessness! Much love! **Mia: **Thank you! Yes, important step for Remus. And glad you liked their relationship! The titles often have more than just one meaning. ;) **WickedWay: **Thank you for the genius. :) Umbridge. Yes. Absolutely. And so glad you liked it so much! **read addiction: **Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! What can I say but: You totally got it! And believe me I'm a bit astonished about my ability to write the evil guys too. I swear it's not from having real experience! ;) And sorry the bright light probably wasn't there this time. :( **Roonil Wazlib: **Well, first, I'm honoured by your loyalty even in stressful times! We will get back to Draco & Lucius, it just is too much going on at the same time! Lol... And thank you for your faith. I promise it is well placed. (No, I wouldn't do that.) **Kady: **Don't give up hope yet! Remus said it, 'it's not the end'. And I will continue until we get there! :) **- Thank you everybody! x Zaira**


	19. Veracity

**A/N: **There has never been a chapter that has been written, changed, deleted and rewritten as often as this one. Now it is finally done. I know it took a little longer. A bad case of the flu which knocked me out for over a week didn't help. I won't post until I'm confident it isn't crap. My deadlines are very imaginary, and then there are people I believe do care about me a lot who keep telling me that I put myself under too much pressure (Love you, Sundance!). And still here is a new chapter. :)

For those of you waiting for an update of 'Shadow of a Doubt': I'm on it! The next chapter is half done and is my top priority!

Now beat-read by the wonderful ambush99! All remainingmistakes are mine.

* * *

**Chapter 18 - Veracity **

Remus watched his sleeping friend, lying curled up on the couch with his head in Remus' lap like a little boy. The stress and tension of the day had finally taken its toll. The day had been an emotional broom ride for Sirius, taking him down into the deepest dives of desperation and up to ridiculously small highs of hope. He didn't even want to imagine what it must have cost Sirius to face the horror of the past and reveal his story of utter pain and humiliation, and the self-loathing it had brought. A story he had carried around with him his whole life. It made Remus so impossibly, helplessly furious. Thinking that there had been such a horrible crime done to his friend, and there had never been any consequences for the culprits.

Tenderly Remus stroked over the soft black tresses of Sirius' hair. It was a gesture of love and affection, and he tried not to think about how all those years ago someone else had done this with a completely different, sickening intent.

He had been shocked, crushed and horrified to hear what had happened to his friend. But he had not been surprised to hear the names of Malfoy and Nott. Lucius Malfoy was a sadistic bastard, and there was little Remus would not believe the Malfoy heir capable of. And Nott had been a two-faced bootlicker in school, whose sleazy charm had kept him in the good books of most of the teachers while he harassed the younger students. Both had been rumoured to have become Death Eaters, and both had been able to talk their way out of it.

And then there was Severus Snape.

Albus had said there was no one else. They needed Snape for this. His help. His cooperation. The Leglimency was their only chance, and Remus would do everything to make it work. And if there was one thing Remus was good at, one thing he was better at than Sirius actually, it was putting his emotions aside and just damn well doing what had to be done. Remus had no time for stubborn pride. He knew Snape despised him. He was never sure exactly, whether that was more due to his condition or that old childhood rivalry, but probably it was a bit of both. Remus could live with that. He had lived with people's hatred and disdain for his whole life. That didn't mean that it didn't hurt, he just couldn't let that hurt get in his way. And up until now Remus had always felt some sort of guilty obligation to not take Snape's harshness personally, although it probably was. The few times they had seen each other now and then over the years, Remus had always been polite, while Snape could have barely been called civil. But tonight had changed things. Hearing Sirius' story had changed things. Remus didn't feel guilty anymore.

Leaving Sirius to sleep on the couch Remus wrapped himself in his old chocolate brown winter coat, the one he had not worn for years, and sighed softly as the luxurious fur lining caressed his neck once more. Then he stepped outside and apparated to Hogwarts.

-xox-

Severus was seething when he approached Spinner's End. He had decided to spend the night at his own house, since he had no desire to return to Hogwarts tonight and listen to Albus crapping more of that heart-rending nonsense about Black, the misunderstood and suffering hero, and how the poor boy had been through so much. Severus dearly hoped Black had been through much! And he had no qualms about making him go through even more. That bastard deserved it.

Black had always been an arrogant prick. Though less pompous than Potter, and more the haughty arsehole. He gritted his teeth in loathing, just thinking of Potter, the glorious Golden Boy, King of Gryffindor! And Black had been his devoted knight. Snape's lips curled in disgust. Bloody Lancelot to Potter's Arthur. Only that Black had not fallen in love with Guinevere, that had been him. Lily had probably been barely able to stand Black, only tolerating him because of her blind crush on Potter. That Black had even dared to appoint himself as some kind of saintly judge, that he had the gall to claim the grief for Lily as his own, like he had known her and cared about her the way Severus had. He couldn't have. Black just cared about himself. And maybe Potter. Potter, who had taken her away from him.

Severus had loved Lily. He had been the one who taught her about wizards and magic, when she was not even aware that she was more than her Muggle sister, far better than those around her. He had been her friend and stood by her, even when his friends sneered at him because she was Muggleborn. He had not cared about that. And they could have become more than friends if Potter had not interfered, if Potter had not turned her head with his looks and Quidditch stunts, if Potter and Black had not attacked him, and humiliated him in front of her, and made him call her that awful name that she refused to forgive him for.

They had been the scourge of his school years. The bloody wonder boys of Gryffindor. They had everything. Rich parents providing them with the best of the best. Good marks, probably because the teachers wouldn't dare to fail a Black or a Potter. The girls seemed to think Black had the looks of a movie-star and from what Severus had heard he had fucked himself through all houses apart from Slytherin, and the latter not because of a lack of opportunity. Then of course there had been Quidditch... Severus scoffed. He had suffered under their attacks all through his years at Hogwarts, and whatever they did, in the end they came out on top and laughing, with nothing more than the odd detention thrown at them. Salazar, how he had loathed them.

His knuckles were white, when he grabbed his wand and burst the door to his childhood home open. Black could rot in Azkaban for all that he cared. He had done what Albus wanted. He had gone to the house of the werewolf to help that arrogant git. But instead of being grateful, Black had insulted and accused him, still thinking he was so much above Severus. Black always had thought himself better than others. Because he was rich and pureblooded and oh so handsome. That he had the gall to claim that he had been the victim! Black had not been the victim at school. Probably had never been a victim in his life.

So what if he had run away from his family as a teenager? That had been his own choice, and he had found a cosy new home at the Potters. Severus had nowhere to run. He had to stick it out with his drunken Muggle father and his mother, who deserved so much better, and still would never speak up against him. He had to live in a run-down Muggle settling because his father had spent all their money drinking and gambling.

So what if Black had been innocently sent to Azkaban? From all that he knew, that had been Black's own bloody fault too. Pettigrew had been a louse. A weak runt, playing lap dog for Potter. He couldn't believe they had been stupid enough to trust him with something so important. Had put Lily's life in that idiot's hands! Black deserved to rot in Azkaban for that alone!

Searching through the kitchen cabinets for the ingredients for his favourite blend of tea, Severus continued his angry inner ranting, when a knock on the front door made him stop in surprise. No one should know that he was here. After ensuring that the wards were still intact, he pulled the door open and froze, frowning at the man in front of him.

''Good evening, Severus,'' Lucius Malfoy said in his dark, elegant voice. ''May I come in?''

-xox-

Snape wasn't there. He couldn't believe it, the bastard wasn't there. And neither was Albus. Minerva had looked at him sharply, already wrapped in her tartan nightgown, but had not asked any further questions. She simply told him she had no information about the whereabouts of the headmaster and the potions teacher, and Remus had found himself standing outside the school full of eager purpose and no place to take it.

So he had gone somewhere he hadn't been in years. He had never felt so much like he needed a drink. The Hog's Head seemed to be the better choice, since he wasn't looking for company and light-hearted conversation, and such things were seldom forced on you in the seedy pub.

He went to the bar and sat down on one of the old creaking stools. Aberforth had raised an eyebrow at him in surprise, but had put a Firewhiskey in front of him without asking a question.

''On the house,'' he grunted, ''You look like you need it.''

Remus downed half of the drink in one go.

''Let me guess, Albus got you into something shitty again,'' Aberforth said, calmly wiping at a dusty glass.

Remus snorted. ''Oh no, I got me into this one by myself alright.'' He smiled ruefully. ''There are some things that are worth going through any shitty mess though.''

''So it's about Black.''

Remus looked up sharply, but Aberforth just shrugged at him, like he had stated something obvious.

Remus studied him for a moment. ''Thank you for, you know, the other night. The Auror...''

Aberforth waved his hand dismissively. He was quiet for a while, then he said, ''He is a good kid. Black. Never sat right that he would do something like that. Least of all to Potter.''

Remus nodded. It might have never felt right, but he had still believed it.

''Don't beat yourself up over it, boy. Wallowing doesn't help nobody.''

''I should have-''

''Should have's get you nowhere,'' Aberforth interrupted him harshly. ''What's done is done. You make up for your mistakes by learning from them for the future.'' He studied him from under bushy eyebrows. ''So what brings you here tonight? I haven't seen you around this den for a while.''

Remus sighed. ''I was looking for Severus Snape.''

Aberforth raised one of his eyebrows questioningly. ''What do you want with that arrogant bastard?''

''I... we... need his help. To prove Sirius' innocence.''

''And how would Severus Snape be necessary for that?''

''Leglimency. He needs to get into Sirius' head and find the memories that show that he wasn't the secret-keeper and, well, didn't kill anyone.''

Aberforth narrowed his eyes. ''I guess that was another brilliant idea of my brother's.''

''It's Sirius' only chance.''

''And he thinks Snape is the right person to run wild in Black's head? Never mind that they have been at each other's throat since the day they stepped off that bloody train?''

Remus looked at Aberforth surprised.

''What? You think just because I don't stick my nose in other people's business, I'm deaf and blind? Think I haven't noticed you all sneaking around where you had no business to do so? Merlin's pants, Black and Potter tried to creep in here when they were only in their second year, no business to even be in Hogsmeade!''

''I remember that,'' Remus said with a fond smile. ''James had dared Sirius to do it, and Sirius would never back down. Of course James had to go with him then to see if he had really been in here.'' He frowned. ''Snape nearly got us caught that day. He was furious that Minerva didn't believe him that we had been in Hogsmeade. He must have heard us talking about it. We only got detention for being out after curfew...''

Aberforth snorted. ''That boy has always been snooping around, sticking his large nose in other people's business.'' He looked up sharply. ''I know you had it in for each other, you lot and Snape. And he is not one to forget about something like that. Believe me, that one carries a grudge to the grave.''

Remus sighed. ''It got out of hand. At first it was just stupid kids' games, I don't know what made things turn out so bad and ugly. It was just a silly schoolboy rivalry...''

It was true, in the beginning the Gryffindor boys had not paid much attention to their Slytherin classmate. Snape was dislikeable and annoying, and like typical boys with a different mindset, they had rubbed each other wrong, only amplified by Hogwart's house rivalry. But there were much more interesting things for eleven-year-old boys who had been let loose in an old castle full of magical secrets. In their first years they had been happily exploring the castle and grounds, pretending they were brave knights on a dangerous quest. There were secret passages to discover, treasures to be found or to be hidden, and enemies to thwart, mostly Argus Filch, the caretaker, and his sneaky companion Mrs Norris. And of course Remus had another, darker secret to hide, a secret his friends only too quickly discovered, but swore a holy oath to never reveal to a living soul, but rather cut out their own tongues.

But after a while it became apparent, that Snape was watching them, following them even, and what had been nothing more than one annoying and rude Slytherin became another favourite foe for the Marauders. It was a kid's game, setting Snape on the wrong track and then sniggering about their own cleverness. Setting up a trap that would turn his hair pink or force him to speak in limericks. And Snape got them back for it in every way he could. He was rather resourceful too, even inventing his own spells later. But it stopped being so innocent when Snape got teachers involved, actively trying to expose them and get them expelled. For the young Marauders that was simply dishonourable. By fourth year, hexing Snape became something of a pastime for James and Sirius, and Snape's spells became nastier, making use of the Dark Arts, something Sirius despised more than anything. The attitude of all of them became a lot more hostile. Snape and his friends would often target Remus, which was unforgivable in the books of James and Sirius who tended to take their holy oath rather far. Of course the fact that James discovered his feelings for Lily Evans around that time probably didn't help either...

Aberforth chuckled, pulling Remus out of his memories of a childhood long gone, when he poured them both another drink.

''Jealousy is a strong motivation, kid, believe me. And Severus Snape has been eaten up by it his whole life.''

''Jealousy? But James only started going out with Lily in our seventh year. She wouldn't even give him the time of the day until our sixth!''

''There are other things than a skirt a man can be jealous about. Snape's mother made a bad choice with her marriage. I heard his father was a right bastard. And Eileen was a strange one too. Probably not much of a start out for the kid. No wonder he turned out to be such a rude git himself.''

''But... Sirius' family... he didn't have...''

''Oh, I know, believe me,'' Aberforth growled. ''That Orion Black was an even nastier piece of work. And don't you even start with the harpy he had married. But it's not about what is there, kid, it's about what it looks like from the outside. Potter and Black both came from rich pureblood families. They had talent, all of you had. Black had the looks too. And you boys all stuck together. There are a lot of things to be jealous about.''

Remus frowned thoughtfully. The two black-haired Marauders really had had that air of being the kings of their universe. James, the golden boy from a wealthy and well-respected old wizard family, without a shred of self-doubt. And Sirius, the slightly darker and more dangerous twin, better looking but with an edge, a sometimes haughty attitude that made him mysterious. Quidditch Players. Mischief Makers. Talented, smart and daring. A lot of people thought they were the coolest.

Snape on the other hand had been an odd-ball. A greasy, snotty and rather rude boy, with an almost abnormal ambition to prove himself, and a vicious streak if someone got in his way. His fascination with the Dark Arts was an open secret and didn't make him any more popular outside his own house. He seemed to have some stand and respect among his own house though, and Remus remembered Avery and Mulciber had been hanging out with him a lot. More future Death Eater friends.

What Remus really couldn't comprehend was how things had turned down such a dark and dangerous path. How the somewhat childish schoolboy rivalry had turned into something so horrible, so disgusting and sickening. Even if Snape seemed to hate James and Sirius with much more passion and insistence, what had happened to Sirius that night had been far removed from teenage games.

But maybe he shouldn't be surprised, seeing that all those boys had become Death Eaters later, such behaviour was probably conditional to joining that club. And while Severus might have been a bit of an oddball in their first years at school, he had become a very dangerous man later on. And even if it had been Lucius who initiated the attack on Sirius, Snape had taken part in it. Remus couldn't forgive that.

Everything had gone to hell after that. Remus understood now how damaging it must have been for his friend to lose the one safe ground he had had in his life. He hated it, but he understood why Sirius had never told them about the abuse. He understood, that a young boy had created a barrier between the helpless victim he was forced to be at home, and another boy who went to Hogwarts and was all the opposites. Daring and brave. Strong and free and unrestrained. Someone who was loved. He must have been terrified of them ever findi out about the other one, the one he thought of as an unlovable weakling. And then that barrier had been torn down, and by following his need to hide his shame and not let anyone see his pain, his worst fear had become true. They had turned away from him, and Sirius had been alone. Fifteen and hurt and ashamed and alone.

But Remus would see to it that he would never be alone again. He wouldn't let his friend go back to prison. Sirius would break in Azkaban. There was a limit to what even a person as strong as him could endure. Together they would get through this. Snape was their only chance, and if he had to, Remus would force the bastard to help them. There was no way he was going to lose his friend.

''Do you have any idea where I can find him?'' he asked, looking at Aberforth with determination.

It was the first smile he saw on the old man's face that night. ''Decided to fight it out with him, have you? Well, I wouldn't know, but he has a house in some Muggle town. I can give you the directions, maybe you'll find him there.''

-xox-

In a warm and cosy bed in the bedroom of a lopsided wizard home, Harry Potter once again couldn't sleep. He was really really tired, but he knew that there was no way he would be able to just close his eyes and drift away into his dreams any time soon. The day had been overwhelming and scary and confusing, but it had also been a little bit good. Seeing his godfather chained had made him sad and angry, but he had told all those people that Sirius was not a bad man, and he hoped they would let him go now, so that he could live with Harry again. He wasn't sure if they had believed him, but Sirius had smiled at him, and that had to mean that everything was okay. It had to. It just had to.

He had not been allowed to see his godfather after he had been questioned, and so he did not know what had been decided in the end. Mrs. Weasley had taken him home straight away. She had been crying, and Harry had been worried that she was angry with him because of what he had told the other wizards. She had hugged him fiercely against her full chest, murmuring ''My poor, poor boy... oh, my poor, poor baby...'', but it had taken Harry a moment to realize that she was talking about him. After they had travelled back to the Weasley's home through the fire, Mrs Weasley had smothered him with hugs all day, and had given him biscuits and hot cocoa, and she had still been crying from time to time. Harry couldn't help but think that Mrs Weasley was a really confusing lady.

If Ron, the twins and Ginny had been a bit surprised by their mother's behaviour, they had not shown it. They just munched on the biscuits and drank cocoa, and the only thing that had frustrated them was that she wouldn't let them out of her sight. Harry could see that the Weasley children were dying to ask about the trial, but didn't dare while playing Exploding Snap under their mother's watchful eyes.

They had been having dinner without Mr Weasley, who had come home rather late and, after a few quiet words with his wife, they had all been sent to bed without further explanations. There had been loud protests, but Mrs Weasley had not been moved. Harry had been awfully anxious to know what had happened to Sirius, and maybe Mr. Weasley had seen that, because he had taken him to the side and told him that the court had not made a decision yet.

So he still didn't know, and still had to keep hoping and praying, and Harry didn't know what else he could bargain with with god or fate or whoever was responsible for such things, because he had already promised that he would be a good boy and do all the chores and that he would never ask for Christmas or birthday presents ever again. All he wanted was his godfather.

''Are you sleeping already?'' Ron's voice came out of the dark suddenly.

''No,'' Harry whispered after a moment of hesitation.

''You want to talk to your godfather again tonight, don't you?''

Instinctively Harry froze before he reminded himself that it was okay, that Ron had helped him the last time, that he had promised not to tell anyone. He could trust Ron.

He worried his lip with his front teeth. ''Yeah,'' he said softly into the darkness of their bedroom.

He wanted to talk to Sirius. He really really wanted to. There was no better place in the world than with Sirius. Even if they were just speaking in the fire, he felt like there was nothing in the world that could harm him, not as long as Sirius was there. But he had not heard any footsteps yet. And as long as Mr. and Mrs. Weasley didn't go to bed there was no chance of seeing his godfather.

''I don't think they will come up anytime soon, though,'' Ron said from across the room. ''I think Professor Dumbledore arrived a little while ago, and they are probably sitting in the living-room, talking. Knowing Mum, that could take a while.''

''Oh...''

''Do you want to sneak down and try to eavesdrop?'' Ron asked brightly, and Harry's heart started to beat faster.

He would very much like to know what Professor Dumbledore was telling the Weasleys. Maybe he knew what was going to happen to Sirius now?

''Okay,'' he said a little breathlessly.

On bare feet and in their pyjamas they stealthily sneaked down the stairs, only to find someone else already pressed into the corner next to the coat rack, listening to the voices that were drifting out of the living-room. The door was slightly ajar, and Harry guessed that it was probably the doing of these two redheads.

''What are you doing down here?'' Ron whispered, only to be shushed by his older brothers.

''What does it look like, you dunderhead?'' one twin asked, rolling his eyes.

''We're investigating,'' the other said.

Harry still couldn't tell them apart properly. That Fred and George often pretended to be each other, wasn't making it any easier.

''What are they talking about?'' Ron asked again curiously.

Fred and George glanced at each other and shrugged in unison. ''Mostly Harry.''

Harry felt the blush creep onto his face, and his heart skipped a beat, but the twins only grinned at him and then moved to the side to make room for him and their brother. Standing in the gloomy darkness with Ron, Fred and George whispering beside him, Harry listened sharply.

''He can never go back there, Albus, I won't allow it!'' Mrs Weasley was saying, ''The poor boy!''

''There are many things to be considered in regard to Harry, Molly,'' Professor Dumbledore answered in his calm voice. ''But don't worry, Harry's relatives will hardly get the guardianship again.''

''I want him to stay with us.''

Harry's hands balled into fists. When he had been living at the Dursleys, he had always wished for someone who really wanted him, who wouldn't only see him as a bother. Now he started to understand what people meant when they said you should be careful what you wish for.

''I know you do,'' Professor Dumbledore could be heard again, ''but there is also someone else who wants to give the boy a home and a family. And that man has legal standing, since he was appointed by Harry's parents.''

''But Sirius Black will be in Azkaban for sure!''

''There has been no verdict, yet,'' Mr. Weasley reminded his wife.

''And there won't be one before the day after tomorrow,'' Professor Dumbledore said pleasantly. ''And I hope I have actuallyfound a way to prove his innocence.''

Harry's heart was plunging down into his stomach, just to beat wildly in his throat the next moment. Oh please, let it be true! Please. Please. Please. He wanted to storm into the room and beg Professor Dumbledore to tell him more, but he knew that was not a good idea right now.

''His innocence?'' Mrs Weasley asked just then, disbelievingly. ''Albus, I have heard about all those eyewitnesses who saw him blow up that street. How can anyone believe that man to be innocent? He killed all those people! And I know he worked for him, Albus... for You-know-who! He needs to be punished for that!''

''Have you not listened to what Harry has said today, Molly? The way he has talked about his godfather?'' The voice of the old wizard was almost sad. ''Do you really think a man, who is as cold-hearted and selfish as you want to see Sirius, would be able to win such deep love and affection from a boy like Harry?''

''I think a boy like Harry, who was treated in an awful way, will turn to the first person who shows him some kindness. Black might not have been cruel to Harry, but that doesn't absolve him from his sins and crimes. I know what I know, Albus. He let Dolohov escape, and you know what that man did only half a year later!''

''Molly...'' It was all Mr. Weasley said, but it was followed by a sigh a moment later.

''He was a nineteen year old boy who stood no chance against an experienced dark wizard,'' Professor Dumbledore said.

''He betrayed them! Just like he later betrayed his own best friend!'' Mrs Wealsey's voice became louder, shriller somehow. ''He knew where Gaideon and Fabian would be that night, that they would be alone. He said he would meet with them and didn't show up...''

There was a sound like a strangled sob, and Mr. Weasley murmuring in too low a voice to understand. Harry felt lost, he didn't understand what had Mrs Weasley so distressed, didn't know what they were talking about. He turned around to Ron and the twins, but the question froze on his lips when he saw the identical frowns on the boys' faces.

When Professor Dumbledore spoke again after a minute had passed, it was gentle but also serious. ''I think you are letting your own grief blind you, Molly. And while I respect your feelings, you need to consider Harry's feelings too.'' There was a pause. ''He has asked to talk to you, you know.''

''What... Harry?''

''Sirius. He wants me to arrange a meeting.''

''Why would I want to meet with him! What could he possibly tell me?''

''If I'm not very much mistaken, he wants to talk to you about Harry. About his needs. His fears and worries.''

''Albus, I have brought seven children into this world and have been raising them to this day without the help or advice of a man like Sirius Black. What in Merlin's name... does he really think _he_ knows something I don't?''

''He knows Harry.''

For a moment there was silence. Harry didn't dare to look up at the three Weasley boys again. Sirius wanted to talk to Mrs Weasley? About him? He wasn't sure how he felt about that. But Sirius would have his reasons. Sirius always knew what to do.

''I think you should go, Molly,'' Mr. Weasley said after a moment. ''Listen to the man just once.''

''Do you believe he is innocent too now?'' Mrs Weasley asked scandalized.

''I must admit that I have started to have doubts about his guilt, Molly. For Merlin's sake, that man, Pettigrew, lived in our house as a rat, probably for years!''

''He could have been Black's accomplice!''

''Two traitors? Why would You-know-who need two spies in the Order? And why a mediocre wizard like Pettigrew if he had Black on his side? Pettigrew wasn't even a Pureblood!''

''That is a very good thought, Arthur,'' Professor Dumbledore said, and you could hear he was smiling.

''And Harry seems to love Black,'' Mr. Weasley continued, ''And he doesn't give his affection that easily. He has not warmed to us like that.''

''Because Black has a hold on him! It is unhealthy!''

''You don't give Harry much credit by thinking that, do you?'' Mr. Weasley remarked almost sadly.

''I think it would be useful in any case if you talk to him. Harry could only benefit from it.'' Professor Dumbledore said with an air of finality, and there was the noise of a chair scraping over the floor-boards. ''Don't forget that Harry needs to attend for the verdict.''

''Yes, we thought he could stay at the office with me until it's time,'' Mr. Weasley's said, his voice coming closer.

There were footsteps approaching the door, and the four boys hurried away, scrambling up the stairs and into their bedrooms.

Ron and Harry climbed into bed and Ron turned off the light.

''That was strange,'' he said. ''I wonder why your godfather wants to talk with Mum. That's really brave of him anyway!''

''I just hope that Professor Dumbledore is right. That he really can prove that Sirius is innocent,'' Harry whispered.

When Ron's snores filled the room, Harry was still laying awake, wondering what Sirius was doing now, and if everything would be alright, just like he had promised.

-xox-

The street was called Spinner's End, consisted of identical brick houses and looked rather run-down and dreary, as if the people who lived here did so because it was the end of whatever road they had been travelling. A place where the hope for better things to come had left a long time ago.

Remus was just approaching the house, that Aberforth had told him was Snape's childhood home, when the front door opened and two tall figures stepped out. One with silver blonde hair that gleamed in the moonlight, the other one dark. The moment they saw him, they turned towards him, and just for a split second Remus froze with a spark of fear in his heart. He knew what these men had done. His hand gripped his wand tightly, and his heartbeat slowed to a less frantic pace. There was no immediate danger. But there was something else. Why was Lucius Malfoy here? Remus didn't believe in coincidences.

Malfoy said a few quiet words to Snape, and then swept down the stairs, coming towards Remus with long and measured strides. He stopped in front of him, and studied him with a small, snide smile.

''Lupin...'' Malfoy said his name as if he was an insect, the blond wizard was studying. He let his scornful eyes wander over Remus for a moment, and then turned away without another word. He strode down the path, apparating as soon as he reached the street.

''Lupin,'' Snape said in a less cut tone, but holding much more open contempt. ''To what do I owe the questionable honour of seeing your shabby appearance again so soon?''

''You know why I'm here. But I'd rather discuss that inside.''

For a long moment Snape just stared down at him in disdain, but Remus didn't let it bother him. Finally Snape inclined his head with a thin smile, stepping back inside, but leaving the door open, which Remus took as a sign to follow him.

Stepping through the door Remus found himself immediately standing in what appeared to be Snape's sitting room. There were similarities to his own home in the amount of books lining the walls, and in the threadbare and out-dated furniture, but everything looked a lot less cared for. Where Remus had done everything to turn his house into a cosy place to feel at home with the few possibilities he had, Snape seemed to neither try nor care.

''So. What do you want,'' Snape interrupted his inspection in a rude tone. ''And get to the point, I have enough of canines yapping at me for one night.''

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. ''I didn't know you felt that way about Lucius.''

Snape's narrowed eyes sent him a death glare. ''Lupin-''

''I want you to come back to the cottage tomorrow, so we can talk about how we will do this Leglimency thing.''

Snape gave him a sardonic smile. ''Do you? And why would I want to help that arrogant moron, after he so graciously thanked me for my effort by insulting and yelling at me?''

Remus didn't let himself be goaded. ''You will do this for him because you owe him.''

Snape's eyes widened before they narrowed into slits. ''I owe him!'' he growled, disbelief evident in his face.

''Yes,'' Remus said with more calm than he felt, ''you do. Because what you and your friends did that night nearly destroyed him.''

''That night?'' Snape scoffed. ''You mean the night he sent me to meet a werewolf? You should know best who nearly got destroyed that night, Lupin!''

''Get your facts straight, Severus,'' Remus said coolly. ''He didn't send you anywhere. You pressed the information out of him. You beat, and hurt, and humiliated him in a way that still makes me want to vomit on your carpet right now.'' He stared at Snape with fierce eyes. ''Lucius even used an Imperius Curse on him! And you have the audacity to blame him!''

Snape's eyes glinted with retained fury. ''He was fighting it,'' he hissed viciously. ''He knew what he was doing. It was his way to take revenge.''

Remus shook his head. ''However much you might have pushed him, he would never have endangered me on purpose.''

Snape scoffed. ''If you want to believe that, Lupin, be my guest. I know you always thought the sun was shining out of his arse, his and Potters. I don't have such delusions.''

''There's a way to find out,'' Remus said challengingly.

''To find what out?''

''Who's right. Do the Leglimency!''

A snide smile curled Snape's mouth. ''So has he changed his fickle mind?'' he asked waspishly.

''Sirius will do what has to be done. He would do anything for Harry.''

''What has Potter's brat got to do with it?'' the Slytherin frowned.

Remus sighed. ''You know that Sirius is his godfather.''

''And?''

''And Harry needs him,'' Remus' tone plainly added 'you moronic arse'.

Snape snorted and rolled his eyes. ''Am I supposed to feel sorry now in the face of the tear-jerking tragedy?''

''No. I would hardly expect that from you. Just tell me that you will show up tomorrow morning, and you're rid of me.''

Snape stared at him for a long moment, not giving a hint of what was going on inside his head. Finally he said silkily, ''There are conditions.''

''What kind of conditions?'' Remus asked suspiciously

''If I agree, this will happen on my terms, which means he will do as I say.'' He smirked. ''I will have to locate the relevant memories beforehand, so I don't have to go searching for them in all the mush in his head when we're in front of the Wizengamot. He will sit, he will behave, and let me do what it takes. If he starts to act up, he's on his own. I'm doing him a favour, he better starts realizing that.''

Remus glared at the other wizard through narrowed eyes. ''I will tell him.''

''Then we are clear.'' Snape smirked.

''There's just one more thing I want to say.''

Snape gave him an irritated look. ''Make it quick.''

''I will.'' Remus looked the Slytherin square in the eyes. ''I think you are the most arrogant arsehole I have ever come across. You're rude, you're uncaring, and you're a selfish, self-absorbed bastard. I know you think you are better than him, but you're not. And if you dare to make this harder for him than necessary, I will hurt you. Badly.''

Snape stared at him and his obsidian eyes were full of loathing. But for once he seemed to be speechless.

''I just wanted to clear that up.'' Remus gave him a polite nod. ''See you tomorrow morning.''

When he was already out the front door he heard Snape's snide voice.

''Conditions, Lupin.''

-xox-

Lucius Malfoy leaned back in his desk chair, stretching out his elegantly dressed legs. He could already taste victory. His little visit had proved to be most satisfactory, and now everything was laid out perfectly. More perfect than he could have hoped for actually, but then fortune favoured the bold.

''You look pleased.''

An evil smile curled Lucius' lips, but he didn't turn around to the source of the voice. ''Oh, I most definitely am,'' he said, his voice like black velvet. He let a few moments pass, before he glanced up from the letter he was reading, at the ghostly figure of the teenager, who now stood in front of his desk. ''I'm glad to see you seem to have taken my advice about my son's body.''

The pellucid lips of Tom Riddle twisted into a cruel smirk. ''Well, he did seem a little exhausted. They are so very fragile at that age after all, so breakable. Their bodies... and their minds.''

Lucius narrowed his eyes at him. ''I've warned you-''

''Oh, don't worry,'' the figure said, rolling his eyes, ''It's not the mind of your precious little heir I want to break.'' His face turned dark and cold. ''But my patience has a limit.''

''Then you will be happy to hear that I'll be able to give you what you want the day after tomorrow,'' Lucius said, putting the letter down.

Tom's eyes gleamed with a satanic delight. ''The boy?''

Lucius smirked. ''Dumbledore put him in the stand today as a witness, telling his heart-breaking tale. There was not a dry eye in the court room.''

The figure lunged forward, bending over the desk with a furious glare. ''The boy was in court! Why didn't you act? Why didn't you take him!''

Lucius leaned back in his chair, returning the glare. ''I told you, this has to be meticulously arranged. I had no idea the boy would be there, the old goat surprised me with that one. I didn't think he would put the poor little orphan through this.''

''You could have seized the opportunity!''

''I don't plan to risk my position by acting rashly,'' Lucius said coldly. ''This has to be done in a way that no one suspects me. I can't just grab the boy and run. And I don't have to. Thanks to Albus' little stunt my plan will work out perfectly.''

''How?''

''The boy is a witness. All witnesses have to be present at the proclamation of the sentence, which will take place the day after tomorrow. So I know the boy will be there, and everything will be ready as planned.''

''What about Black?'' the teenage ghost asked suspiciously.

''He will be occupied. A dear friend of mine will be deeply entangled in his mind, taking care of that.''

Lucius smirked. The potion was ready. The pawns were placed. Things could not have turned out more perfectly.

-xox-

When the morning broke at Lupin cottage, and Sirius came down into the kitchen on silent feet, Remus had already spelled a breakfast on the table that would have put the Hogwarts' house elves to shame. Sirius couldn't help but smile. Remus was so transparent sometimes.

''Is that my last meal already?'' he asked going for a light tone.

Remus whipped around, almost dropping the coffee pot. He looked his friend over anxiously for a moment, like checking for injuries that couldn't be seen on the outside, but relaxed when Sirius casually leaned one narrow hip against the kitchen cabinets, his arms crossed, smiling at him openly and warmly.

''It's just breakfast...'' Remus mumbled, looking away sheepishly after handing Sirius a cup of coffee in the exact way he liked it.

Sirius had gone for the comfortable choice of black Muggle jeans and a blue sweater Remus had bought him, a colour that complemented his eyes in a way that gave the impression of a careful choice. He watched his friend rummage around the kitchen, while the early morning sun painted patterns on the wooden floor and furniture, filling the room with a warm and cosy glow. All that cosy warmth and comfort that seemed to surround Remus, and stretched out to wrap around him like a soothing blanket.

He felt lighter somehow. Once more telling Remus about his darkest and most shameful secrets had not had the assumed effect of being dragged into the deepest pits of hell by them, but rather had lessened their hold on him. So much so, that he wondered why he had been so afraid of telling his friend before. Remus didn't judge him. Remus didn't turn away from him. Remus had held him until he fell asleep. He had cried like a baby, but he strangely didn't feel embarrassed about it. It seemed ridiculous to feel embarrassed in front of Remus. Remus knew him, like he knew Remus. It was a good feeling.

''So where did you run off to last night?''

''Huh?'' Remus looked at him, and there was a guilty tinge in his cheek.

''Somewhere I won't like, I gather?'' Sirius asked amused, and Remus sighed.

Putting a plate of eggs on the table he sat down, silently inviting Sirius to join him. He sat down opposite him, pulling one knee up to his chest, while cradling his mug and studying his friend expectantly.

''I went to talk to Severus,'' Remus said to his plate, but then lifted his eyes to meet the grey ones across the table.

Sirius looked at him calmly for a moment. ''Okay.''

''He will be here in a while.''

Sirius sighed. ''I only hope you didn't beg the bastard.''

''Not more than necessary,'' Remus said with a small smile.

Sirius smiled back wryly. ''Good.''

''So... are you ready for this?''

''For Snape rummaging around in my mind? As prepared as I will ever be.'' He made a face. ''I don't like this, Moony. But I will do it.''

''He said he needs to locate the significant memories before, you know, so that he won't have to go searching for them in court,'' Remus explained.

Sirius took a deep breath. ''Well, if that means he won't be airing all my dirty laundry in front of the Wizengamot, I guess that's a good thing. Or at least I'm trying to convince myself of it.''

He reached for a strip of bacon, nibbling on it with an apologetic look at Remus. The idea of Snape soon trudging through his head, made him a little queasy, and didn't put him exactly in the mood for a hearty breakfast.

''Just try not to think about it, you know, that it's him. Just think of him as a tool.''

Sirius snorted. ''I'm not so sure that he will let me forget about it. He has a way of rubbing things in, if you remember.'' He looked at his friend suspiciously. ''He said something else, did he?''

Remus looked uncomfortable. ''Well you know him, 'My terms' and all that rot...''

Sirius rolled his eyes. ''Bastard,'' he mumbled. ''You'd think if someone gets his mind poked and ransacked, it should be at least on _his_ terms.''

''I know. I'm just saying, it's important that you keep your temper in check,'' Remus said almost beseechingly. ''I know Severus can be an arse, but don't let him get to you. You'll only play into his hands and give him an excuse to call this off.''

There was true worry and fear in Remus' eyes, and Sirius forced himself to smile at his friend reassuringly.

''I'll be good,'' he promised.

-x-

The knock came like a harbinger of doom, and the two men exchanged a look that carried all the words of support and love and promise that they didn't say.

''I'll go,'' Sirius said when Remus made a move to get up. It made him feel more in control when he could open the door to his own fate, especially since he was aware that soon he wouldn't have much of it anymore.

Snape looked exactly the same as the day before, including his greasy hair and long black robes, and Sirius briefly wondered if he just owned one set, or if his wardrobe was filled with a row of identical garments. Both ideas seemed fitting somehow.

Sirius took a deep breath, and stepped back from the door to let the Slytherin enter.

''Please, come in Sn-Severus,'' he said with a forced smile.

Snape stepped inside and turned to him with a raised eyebrow, looking expectant.

Sirius tried to control his features, and not let his smile glide into a sneer. ''Thank you for coming. I apologize if I was rude yesterday. The day had been a bit of a strain.''

There. That had been quite polite.

Snape raised his eyebrow at him in a perfect display of his contempt. ''Your debility is no excuse for bad manners. I won't be insulted by you, Black. I do hope your pet werewolf has informed you of my conditions.''

''Yes,'' Sirius said through gritted teeth. ''Your terms.'' He smiled bitterly. ''So where do you want me?''

''The answer to that question is inconsequential, since I won't be so lucky,'' Snape said waspishly. ''But right now it will do for you to sit down in that armchair and be silent and relaxed. Unfortunately it will be necessary to maintain eye-contact throughout this ordeal.''

Snape pulled out his wand, and Sirius went over to the armchair and sat down obediently. Facing the other wizard, he told himself again that if he wanted to just get this over with, he had to concentrate on the task at hand rather than the one who would conduct it. He wasn't exactly relaxed, that was asking a bit much, but he tried to not tense up too much.

Snape looked at him down his long hooked nose, like Sirius was a nasty child that needed to be put straight. ''I will now perform the Leglimency, which means that I will invade your mind, and search for the memories that would be necessary to prove that you indeed proposed the hair-brained idea of making Pettigrew the secret-keeper, and that Potter was idiotic enough to go through with it. And of course that the pea-brain Pettigrew then managed to make you look even more like a fool by framing you.''

Sirius was starting to fear for his jaw, if he had to grit his teeth anymore forcefully it would probably break. ''I'm trying to get this over with without actually strangling your neck, Snape. Maybe you could do me the courtesy and at least not insult my dead friend. You know, the one who was killed by your former master.''

Snape stared at him through narrowed eyes. ''Manners, Black.''

''They are a wonderful invention, yes,'' Sirius gave him an angry sneer, ''Why don't you try it?''

''I think I said something about you being _silent_,'' Snape said silkily.

''You also said something about being relaxed. Insulting James doesn't really help with that. So why don't you let go of your petty jealousy for one day?''

Snape pierced him with a deathly glare, and suddenly a wand was pointed at him. He heard the wizard cry, ''Leglimens!'' and then his eyes rolled up into his head, and he was in the dark with images fluttering past him as if illuminated by lightning.

_Harry in the courtroom his feet dangling. _

_Albus looking at him with sorrowful eyes._

_Remus grabbing his arm. ''Fuck you, Sirius Black! Don't you dare say goodbye to me!'' _

Sirius flinched. No. This was personal. But Snape kept going.

_Remus putting the collar on him._

_Lucius visiting him in hospital, running the tip of his cane over the sheets above Sirius' leg._

No. Not that. Not going there.

Snape dove deeper, the flashes becoming faster.

_Harry on a broom, eating pancakes, in a park being threatened, in the snow..._

_Harry as a baby squealing happily, James spoon feeding him, Lily rocking him to sleep..._

Snape seemed to linger on that one for a moment.

_James with Harry on the day he was born, handing him to Sirius. ''I want you to become his godfather." _

_And then Lily. Her green eyes looking at him, tired but with a beautiful glow of happiness around her. Lily smiling at him. ''If there is one person in the world, I'd trust to keep Harry safe, it is you." She kissed him on the cheek. _

And then he felt like throwing up as something disentangled from his brain in a rush, dizzying him. He blinked and, when his vision cleared, he saw Snape glaring down at him.

''There is no need to show me that sappy nonsense,'' the Slytherin hissed.

-x-

Severus was furious. He was sure Black was doing it on purpose. He was trying to rub it in, that Lily had chosen Potter, that she had been all nice and friendly with Black. That Severus had lost her...

Black stared at him. ''You really are a poor, pitiful bastard,'' he scoffed, and shook his head with a soft laugh. He fixed him with those silver grey eyes, and Severus could only think how much he hated the man in front of him. ''You really should start to take responsibility for your own choices, Severus. If you can't take the heat, stay away from the fire.''

''What is that supposed to mean!'' Severus asked with a glare.

''I think you know.''

That insufferable bastard, always thinking he knew everything. Thinking he was above Severus. The great Sirius Black. But he was not so great right now, was he? Now he was at Severus' mercy, and he would show him what that meant.

''Leglimens!''

Snape dove into Blacks' mind again, images fluttering around him in the fog.

_Lupin sitting on a desk in the sun, reading. A child with bright green eyes. Lily's eyes. _

Severus turned away. He had to go further to get into the past. He dove deeper again, passing by images of a younger Potter and Lupin, of Hogwarts and a white mansion, it was all swirling together. When it got more difficult, and the fog got thicker, showing Black's reluctance to visit these memories, he stopped and took hold of the first thing he could reach.

_A black haired little boy, maybe four years old, with wide grey eyes and a snotty nose, clutching a cuddly toy. ''I had a nightmare,'' he whispered. Another boy, slightly older, held up the sheets of his huge four-poster bed, and the smaller boy climbed in next to his brother, who wrapped an arm around him. ''It's okay, Reg. You don't have to be afraid. I'll protect you.'' _

Severus sneered. Look how that had turned out. ''Another promise you couldn't keep, Black?'' He felt the other man's anger, felt him struggling, but he stood no chance.

_The two boys were a little older. The taller one lay on his side, his knees pulled up, holding himself around the middle. He seemed to be in pain. The younger, Regulus, sat on the bed next to him, looking at his brother's turned back. ''You shouldn't provoke them all the time. Then they wouldn't have to punish you. I don't want you to get punished, Siri!''_

Well, someone had to try to teach Black manners. Too bad they had had so little success.

_Regulus as a teenager, sneering, his voice angry, ''You and your stupid Gryffindor friends! Blood traitors like the Potters, Sirius! It's a disgrace to the family! And how could you talk to father like that?''_

Oh, this was getting interesting... It was not what he was looking for, but Severus could feel Black trying to get away from thee memories, which only made him more eager to go deeper.

_A dark alley and the older Black grabbed his brother's arm, pulling up his sleeve to reveal the mark Severus knew all too well. Black's face was a mask of pain and fury when he let go of the arm as if he had been burned. ''How... are you crazy? Reg, do you have any idea what you're getting into!'' Regulus pulled his sleeve back down, and looked at his brother with a cold expression. ''Leave me alone, Sirius. You'll never get it. I know what I'm doing! I won't be a disappointment like you!''_

Severus was meeting more and more resistance, but he had always liked a challenge.

_The ruin of a house. Rubble everywhere. And in the middle, Black, probably in his late teens, his face twisted by hate and fury. He was shooting a spell at a man who was sprawled over an upturned sofa, and the man was thrown backwards, revealing him to be Antonin Dolohov, a Death Eater. Lying on the floor Dolohov laughed. ''You're even more pathetic than your brother! He couldn't do it either! Do you know he begged and cried? Do you know what the Dark Lord di-'' ''CRUCIO!'' Dolohov screamed. He screamed and screamed, and Black just stood there and stared at him, his wand pointing at him. And then he pulled it down and Dolohov stopped, panting. ''Didn't think you had it in you. Breaking the rules. Torturing. Maybe you are more of your father's son than I thought. Seems like we recruited the wrong brother...'' ''Tell me what happened to Regulus!'' ''I don't know.'' Dolohov smirked. ''CRUCIO!'' _

Severus retreated through the fog, out of Black's rather astonishing memories, until he was looking down at the man himself again. Black was panting and glaring up at him from his chair, his face pale and his eyes wide and glistening.

''My mind is not a fucking movie, Snape!'' he growled. ''There's no relevance for the trial in those memories!''

Severus curled his mouth into a thin smile. ''Isn't there? I wonder what the Wizengamot would say to the fact that you used an Unforgivable?''

He was delighted to see the guilt and fear in Black's eyes. The Gryffindor swallowed, his bluster diminished, and his face scheduled into a careful mask.

''I'm not proud of that. T-there's no excuse,'' he mumbled. ''I wanted to... I was out of my mind, incredibly stupid and I lost my temper. My brother-...'' He closed his eyes, and suddenly he looked tired and older by years. ''Will you show them?'' he asked quietly after a moment, and for a second Severus considered making him beg.

He remained silent for a well measured moment. Let Black squirm a little, the righteous bastard. Then he said in a bored voice, ''I don't plan to waste more time than necessary in that overblown head of yours. There is nothing relevant about these memories. They're worthless.''

Black's eyes flew open, and for a split second Severus thought he would attack him. But he just stared at him with a strange mixture of contempt and pity. ''To you maybe. But you don't have a brother, so you wouldn't understand.''

Severus narrowed his eyes. ''Please, spare me your sentimentalities, Black.''

''Then fucking concentrate on locating the fucking memories that we need!''

''Such language from such a _noble _wizard,'' Severus raised a mocking eyebrow at the angry wizard. ''Believe me,'' he said, putting all the boredom he could muster into his voice, ''I certainly don't do this for my own enjoyment.'' Well, he wasn't doing it only for his own enjoyment, but if it gave him some opportunity to gloat, all the better. ''Your mind is a garbage dump,'' he went on snidely, ''The Dementors probably didn't help either.'' He studied Black's barely controlled features with a smirk. ''The memories we are looking for are obviously not very happy ones. You must have buried them. I could feel a lot of resistance in there. You need to relax more. And you better remember who's in control.'' He smiled thinly. ''The more you interfere, the more difficult you make it.''

He loved the hateful look Black sent him, loved the way the man had to use all his strength to reign in his temper and give Severus a curt nod of consent, before he leaned back in his armchair like a king who had lost his throne.

This time Severus dove even deeper, pushing through the fog, not even paying attention to the images around him. The fog got thicker and darker again, and Severus started to feel an irritating sensation of foreboding. That had to be it, the worst memories, that probably was where those guilt-ridden reminders would be found. He pushed harder and harder, breaking through, and then there were images, bright and clear flashes, surrounding him in an exhibition of pain.

_Black as a little boy again. A looming door, opening up to impenetrable darkness, swallowing him. The little kid was left in the dark, banging against the door, scratching and crying._

Severus let go like he had been stung, finding himself in another memory.

_A party. Posh and_ _upper-crust, the kind of thing the Blacks would fit into_ _perfectly. A flower bursting into flame, burning the little boy's hands. A tall, elegant man, with a_ _curious_ _resemblance, turning away from him, leaving the boy behind cradling his throbbing, blistered hands to his chest. _

Now, he really didn't want or need to see whatever this was. Severus tried to draw back, but the images around him began to flow into one another, making it hard to find his way out of them.

_The severed head of a house elf. _

_A woman's cold voice. ''You will learn the proper way of wizards.'' _

_The cold eyes of the elegant man. Orion Black. ''Take of your shirt.'' _

_A burning slash down a young boy's_ _back. ''You're a disgrace...'' _

_''I will beat it into you if I have to!'' _

_Spells raining down on the boy, slapping him, strangling him, burning him. He was crying. _

It hurt, and Severus just wanted to get out of this mess. What in Salazar's name was this? Had Black gone crazy in Azkaban? Was this real? He could feel the pain, could feel that he deserved it, no, Black did, thought he did, or had back then, maybe he had...

_Lucius Malfoy. Pressing a wand against Black's throat. ''I always knew you were a pathetic little shit.'' _

That memory was familiar, but in Black's version he could see the five years age difference between the teenage boy and the young adult. It looked more... wrong. But then this was Black's memory, he had to remember that, he couldn't let himself be lulled by them. This was only what Black believed to be real.

_''He certainly has the spirit to be a submissive little slut.'' _

Lucius. All around him. Sneering at him. Smiling at him with that evil glint in his eyes that Severus knew but had never been the recipient of.

_''Drop to your knees Black.''_

_''Such a sweet, submissive little doggy...'' _

_The storage room, but this time Lucius was alone. Black was naked. A boyish body just starting to fill out from Quidditch. He didn't move, was frozen by magic. Lucius was crouching beside him, stroking his hair with his gloved hand. The other one was on Black's arse. He held a wand, trailing the tip along the pale skin, travelling over Black's naked buttock. ''I love it when you cry.'' _

Oh god. Severus felt sick, disgusted, he had to get out of here... He could feel Black struggling, gasping,... Severus let go and let himself be pushed.

_''I'm repulsed to even look at you!'' Orion Black towering over his teenage son. ''You disgusting little piece of shit.'' He was looking at him like the boy was the devil. Burning hatred. ''Crucio!'' And the young Black screamed and screamed and screamed..._

...and then he was free, stumbling backwards, trying to take deep breaths against his heaving stomach. Lupin's living room slowly came back into focus, and then he registered the noise of Black throwing up.

Before he could react Lupin had rushed in, vanishing the mess with a wave of his wand, crouching down in front of Black, handing him a glass of water. He was squeezing Black's shoulder gently while the man panted and then drank, his face ashen.

''What happened?'' Lupin asked urgently, but Black shook his head.

''Nothing. I just felt dizzy for a moment.''

Lupin looked up at Severus suspiciously. It was almost as if he thought it was his fault, but then the werewolf must have seen something in his face that made him hold his tongue. Severus turned away, he wasn't comfortable when he had his features not properly under control, and right now he couldn't bring up the spite for his usual sneer.

''We will take a break for ten minutes,'' he said as coldly as possible, and then all but fled from the room.

Stepping out into the sun, he took a deep breath, savouring the crisp air of a winter morning. That was not what he had expected. Not that he cared about it. Black's childhood was of no interest to him. But he had always imagined a boy who was spoiled, surrounded by luxuries, cuddled and adored. Had Black's father really used an Unforgivable on him? Well, that was of no consequence. It wasn't the reason he was here. So he would go back inside, locate those damn memories that were his unfortunate business, and after tomorrow he would hopefully be spared from seeing Black ever again.

TBC

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**Please leave a review!**

**Thank you!**

**Reviewers Anonymous: HebHibHob: **I'm glad it made sense. And, no, not something anyone would be wishing for. I haven't written the end yet. But I will. And I won't be heartless and cruel, I promise you! :) **Bluemoon: **''Poetically awful'' – I like that! And I try, you know, with the lose ends and the sense-making, with the unexpected and heart-rendering...so thank you! So much! **read addiction: **Yes. Very hard. And really glad you like the idea of Legimency, and Sirius battling with Snape. The flashback. Yes. And yes, only a teenager. Only fifteen. **elli: **Thank you! I'm glad the story(ies) take you in like that. Really, thank you for the kind words! **WickedWay: **Yes, asking Snape for help is and will not be easy for Sirius. Not after all that has happened. But he has to. And maybe, hopefully your hopes will be fulfilled! ;) **Mia: **Yes. I know. It was the same for me with writing. I almost couldn't , but couldn't NOT do it. Glad that Remus comforting Sirius helped. Thank you, sweety!


	20. Tenderness

**A/N: **I won't even start apologizing. There are reasons. Of course there are. Many of them. And believe me, if I'm not able to write, it hurts me more than you!

This chapter would be crap without jogger. It's as simple as that. So happy to have her. Also, much thanks to my dear beta, ambush99!

And "Thank You!" to all of you who left a review. I'm still working on replying to all of you individually, but I was certain that you're more eager for the new chapter than my drivel! ;) Also, the site didn't take my usual *breaks* in the formatting. Huh. Don't be confused!

* * *

**Chapter 19 - Tenderness**

The door closed behind the billowing black robes of Severus Snape, and in that moment the silence that he left behind seemed even more oppressive than his presence had been. The rooms of the cottage suddenly seemed even smaller than they were, the walls closer, the air-... Sirius stumbled from his seat, never mind his revolting stomach. Air. He needed air. Blindly he tugged at the collar, scratching his throat, he couldn't breath, he couldn't...

He turned around, eyes searching frantically around the room, looking for an out he knew wasn't there... finding the glorious grassy plain that stretched behind Remus' lattice windows, opening like a double wing door of freedom to the garden behind the cottage. His hands trembled when he reached out for them. He couldn't do this. He needed to get out, to get away, to breath... He couldn't take it. The restraints caging him in, the hands holding him down, the dirty feeling of spells on his skin. They were breaking him, they were...

Gentle hands came down on his shoulders, and for a moment Sirius stiffened, trying to shake off another shackle. But the hands were not holding him back, were steadying him gently instead, the pressure soothing rather than obstructing. Remus' fingers lightly stroked and rubbed, and now Sirius could hear the low murmur of his friend's voice through the rushing in his ears. His hectic, shallow breaths became deeper.

''Padfoot? Padfoot, you're fine... I'm here. You're here with me. It's fine. You're okay...''

''I can't... Remus...''

Arms wrapped around him from behind, holding him close, loosely, against the warmth of another body in a safe embrace, and Sirius sagged against Remus with a shuddering breath.

''You're doing great... just hold on a little longer... just a little longer Sirius...''

Sirius tried to suck in air, tried to get as much into his lungs as he could. Tried not to start sobbing. He would kill himself if he started with that shit now.

''That's right. Take deep breaths. It's fine. Everything is fine.''

It wasn't a sob. It was a snort. ''I'm pathetic.''

'''You are having a panic attack. And after what has just been done to you... I'm actually surprised how long you managed to hold on. But it's done now, Padfoot. He is gone. It's over. You did great.''

''Didn't do anything,'' Sirius groaned, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. ''Just let him push me around, let him mock me. And James. And my memories. I feel disgusting, Remus. Dirty all over and inside.''

''I know. But you're not. That greasy git can't dirty you. Never, Padfoot. Snape is an idiot, and you shouldn't listen to a word he said.''

''It was true. Some of it.'' Sirius objected, still struggling to suck air into his lungs and trying to push the ugly thoughts out. ''That I was stupid to trust Peter. That I couldn't save my brother. That I used... I- I never told you, or anyone really... I used an Unforgivable, on Dolohov,'' his voice was soft, only a whisper. ''I- I tortured him...''

Remus rubbed his arms, leading him to the sofa and sitting down with him. The arms around him never left. ''You made mistakes. It's what people do. And you have paid a higher price for them than anyone I know. Do you want me to remind you of the mistakes Snape made?'' Remus shook his head, mumbling, ''That the bastard even has the gall to dangle one forbidden spell over you... he revelled in the Dark Arts. He was a Death Eater, for Merlin's sake! You know what he did.''

''That doesn't make my actions better.''

''No, but it puts them into perspective. None of us suspected Peter. It would have been a good plan. Daring and dangerous maybe, but also good. It's easy to call someone an idiot after a plan has failed. It's easy to be wise afterwards. And the Unforgivable...'' Remus hesitated. ''It was when you were looking for Regulus, wasn't it? When you were trying to find out what happened to him...?''

Sirius nodded. ''Back then... I still thought that maybe...'' He shook his head. He had been silly. A stupid, delusional idiot. '''I never found out how, where, or who... but I know he is dead. I know I couldn't keep him safe. He was my baby brother, and I couldn't keep him safe...''

''He became a Death Eater, Sirius.''

''He was sixteen! He didn't know what he was doing... He was a child! A child I should have protected!''

''You were barely more than a child yourself.''

''I should have tried harder,'' he whispered, looking down at his lap.

Remus lightly stroked over his hair and back. It felt so... soothing. He couldn't remember his parents ever touching him in such a way. Regulus had though, sometimes, before... he shook his head, trying to chase away the painful memories.

''You can't save the whole world from all things evil, Sirius. You know that. We tried back then, tried to save our world. And still a lot of people were dying, we couldn't prevent that. We were losing. Until...''

''Harry saved us all?''

''Yeah. However that worked. But what I'm saying, Padfoot, is that you can't make decisions for other people. You tried to make your brother see, but... your parents, his friends... he chose to listen to them.''

''He thought he had to be the son I wasn't.''

''Oh, Sirius...''

His skin was itching. His clothes were sticking to his skin, and he felt like there were invisible hands still touching him. If he could he would have crawled out of it. Scrubbing it off might be an alternative.

''I'm gonna take a shower...'' He blurted out, shooting Remus an uncertain, almost apologetic glance, but his friend just nodded at him reassuringly.

''I'm going to make some vegetable soup. You need to eat something, and it will be good for your stomach.''

Sirius gave him a tired but grateful half-smile, when he got up. ''I don't deserve a friend like you.''

''Yes. You do.'' Remus smiled back, calm and sure. ''And much more than that.''

-xox-

When Sirius had vanished up the stairs, and into the bathroom, and he could hear the water running, Remus finally allowed himself a moment to close his eyes and place his head in his hands. He told himself that it had worked. That Snape had found the memories they needed. He had pulled back from Sirius mind, and Sirius had slumped back in the armchair, pale as a ghost and shaking, and Snape had simply tucked his wand away, his face blank.

''I'm done here,'' he had said, and there had been an almost unnoticeable gulp, as if there was a lump in his throat. ''I see you tomorrow in court.'' A curt nod, and then he had turned around and walked to the door quickly, and Remus had almost not reacted fast enough.

''Wait, Severus!'' he had caught up to him outside, and Snape had turned around sharply, piercing him with one of his glares.

''What else, Lupin?'' he had growled, and for a moment Remus didn't know how to answer that. It should have been obvious after all.

''Did... did you find them? The memories?''

''What part of 'I'm done' did you not understand?''

''And you will be able to find them again? Tomorrow?''

''Yes.''

''You're sure?''

The black eyes were narrowed into slits. ''You can ascertain yourself, that if I had not been sure that this was the right way to proceed, I would not have spent this unbearably long morning in that dump of your house, with a flee-bitten werewolf and his imbecilic, obstreperous boy-friend.''

Remus blinked. ''You got a lot of insults in there. I'm impressed. You feel better now?''

''If that is all.''

Remus sighed, ''Look, just... please don't show them anything that isn't necessary. It's hard enough as it is for him.''

Snape had sneered then. ''Yes, I've heard that before.''

And then he had walked briskly to the border of Remus' property and apparated away.

Remus sighed. It would be okay. He had to believe that it would be okay. Sirius would be free. Finally free. He would not allow himself to imagine any alternative, any other possible outcome. It wasn't thinkable. And if he had to trust and believe in Snape, even if he had to be eternally thankful, he would do that too. He would do anything, anything at all. If only tomorrow evening Sirius would be here. With him. If only tomorrow evening this would all be over, and they would sit outside on the bench in the garden, in the moonlight, drinking firewhiskey, wrapped in their winter cloaks and heating charms. If only Sirius would be there. He would do and give anything at all.

-xox-

Sirius avoided looking in the mirror. Avoided meeting his own face like that. He had avoided looking at any other part of his body when he had got naked. There weren't any scars. Nothing that had been done to him had ever left scars. That was magic for you. But he could feel them. He could still feel the assaults as if they had been branded into his nerve endings. And he was trying to scrub them away. Again. Knowing that he couldn't erase them, but that, just for the moment, it would help a little, would give him the illusion of being clean and whole.

He wished he could soap away the fingerprints Snape had left on the inside, in his mind. All those memories, Snape's sneering face... it made him feel itchy and dirty and sick. There had not been anything left in his stomach after he had been sick the first time, but his stomach had still felt queasy, and every new invasion had left him retching. As if exposing his mind to Severus Snape had not been humiliating enough, the man had to see him being all weak and a pathetic mess as well... just like...

_Come on, think it, not like you could keep those memories from Snape, not like you didn't give him a great old show..._

Just like back then.

Sirius let his head hit the tiles.

''Just a little longer. Just another day. You can do this. Just a little longer.''

Another day... and then, what would it be then? He had felt so calm the last time. Dead inside might be the better word. He had tried to not let it show, but he had been resigned to his fate. To dying. And then Albus had pulled another trick from his sleeve, and he was looking into Remus' hopeful eyes, and he couldn't help but let a tiny spark of it lighten up inside of him as well. He tried to tell himself that he had so much to gain and nothing to lose, but it didn't feel like that. It felt like he had everything to lose. It had been little stolen moments, but they had been everything.

He tried to imagine the worst. Darkness and the frosty chill of fear and desperation. A cell of rough black stone, with a cot and a thin blanket. The screams and the whimpers. The loneliness. But all he could see in front of his eyes was Harry's hopeful little face, the bright green eyes looking at him with love and adoration. And he didn't want to let go. He didn't want to lose. He wasn't ready.

-x-

Coming back down to hot vegetable soup and an equally warm and comforting smile, felt much more healing than anything else. It was Remus' way to shoo away Sirius' ghosts of dark and painful memories. Sirius just needed to look into his friend's face and see all that unspoken but open acceptance and care, and everything felt lighter and more bearable somehow.

They didn't talk much, just sat and ate in amiable silence, and Sirius let all the warmth soak through his body. And if there was an undercurrent none of them addressed, it didn't put a rift between them because even the decision to let it be was made in wordless agreement. They both knew what lay in front of them, they both knew that minutes were precious, and neither of them wanted to spend them in misery. This, just being together eating soup, was perfect.

Afterwards Sirius had just offered to do the dishes, knowing that Remus didn't like to do them by magic, claiming that they never got really clean that way, when they were interrupted in their domesticity by a knock on the door. For a moment they stood completely still, frowning at each other, unsure who this new visitor might be. It could of course always be the Auror on duty, coming around to see if everything was as it should be. Or it might be Albus, paying a last visit before the day of days tomorrow.

Sirius gave his friend a silent look, telling him he'd look for himself, and Remus let him. Just a little hesitantly, trying to push away his anxiety, Sirius went to see who was calling on them. He didn't think Snape would come back, but there was someone else, someone worse, who had come to the cottage before, someone he couldn't bear to see right now, not when the ghost of his touch and the echo of his voice were still so close to the surface of his conscious.

He opened the door with all the confidence he could muster, and a face that was scheduled into blankness. And that was probably the only thing that kept his mouth from dropping at the sight of the red haired couple on the door step. But for a moment he stood there, staring, just as frozen as the Weasleys.

Arthur Weasley, to give him credit, regained control over his features pretty quickly. But when Sirius looked at Molly Weasley, he was met with an icy glare designed to make a Hypogriff drop like a fly. On Sirius it was like fire off a dragon's back. He was used to this kind of contempt, and he couldn't care less what the older witch thought of him, if it hadn't been for Harry. But Sirius had been made to live through every hurtful memory of his life today. He had looked at Lucius Malfoy's cruel smile, and into the dead eyes of his best friend. Molly Weasley couldn't match that.

But he knew that it wouldn't do to be anything but polite now. He knew why the Weasleys were here. He just wished Albus would have given him a warning beforehand. He had wanted to talk to the woman all right, he just hadn't expected her to agree to meet him, but as preparations for the worst case scenario came, this was the most important one of all.

If things didn't work out tomorrow, and who knew if they would, this woman would most likely raise his Harry. And therefore, he needed her to understand. He needed her to know that Harry was different, and not so different at all. He needed her to see how vulnerable Harry was, and how incredibly strong. And he needed her to accept that, if she destroyed Harry's belief in Sirius, she would destroy his belief in everything good. That all the bad things that had been done to him weren't his fault. That he was a wonderful, smart and lovely little boy. That it was possible to love him. That he deserved to be loved. That he was. Harry was loved, he couldn't allow her to make him forget or doubt that. What ever happened tomorrow, he needed Harry to know that he had loved him with all his heart and soul, and that he always would.

-x-

Molly Weasley couldn't believe her eyes when the door opened and right there in front of her stood no one else but Sirius Black himself. It had not been easy for her to agree to this. Meeting Sirius Black. And she had certainly not been prepared to have him sprung on her like that. She most definitely had not expected him to act all casual, as if this was a social call, and not them kindly answering the request of a criminal under arrest. Acting as if this was his home, and he could do whatever he pleased. Her heart was hammering erratically, when he gave her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Wasn't he a dangerous murderer for Merlin's sake? Wasn't he a prisoner? Shouldn't there be shackles or something, or was the Ministry allowing him to run around freely?

''I sure thought this was the house of Remus Lupin,'' she said stiffly.

''It is Remus' house,'' he said in a perfectly polite tone, as he stepped back with an inviting gesture. ''And I am sure he would love to welcome you to his home. Please, do come in.''

Molly didn't move. She already didn't like the way this was starting. It seemed very inappropriate for Black to be so calm and casual. The man was much too confident for a restrained criminal. It made her uneasy and even more suspicious. But Arthur made a step forward, and if she didn't want to look ridiculous she had to follow him.

Remus Lupin's cottage was cozy and exuded a warm air of welcome and tranquility. How a man like him could live under one roof with a murderer was beyond her. She felt highly uncomfortable already next to the tall, black-haired wizard.

''So... did you come to see Remus?'' Black asked, raising an eyebrow.

''No,'' Arthur answered him, calm and collected, as if he was talking to any normal wizard in England. She didn't understand how he could be so relaxed. ''Actually we came to see you, Mr. Black.''

Black's lack of surprise proved that he had known that all along. Everything he said and did was probably an act. Lying probably came naturally to him.

''That is very kind of you,'' he said right now, only proving Molly's point, and she nearly scoffed. Whom did he think he could deceive with the gentleman act? It was rather transparent, and she certainly wouldn't fall for it. She wouldn't forget that he was a criminal, a murderer, someone who had betrayed everyone who made the mistake to trust him.

''So, would you like some tea?'' Black went on with the studied politeness.

''Oh, I can make some.'' It was Remus Lupin's voice that suddenly came from another corner of the house, followed by the smiling man himself, drying his hands on a dish towel. ''Molly, Arthur, what a surprise. Please, come in, take a seat. Some tea? Biscuits?''

That was the kind of nervousness she had expected Black to show. But it was almost as if Remus Lupin had taken it upon himself to feel what Black should be feeling, just like he had taken it upon himself to house him. She wasn't really sure why, but it made her angry. Remus seemed to be just another one in a long row of people Black was taking advantage of.

''Remus,'' Arthur smiled at the younger man, ''I hope we don't come at an inconvenient time. Albus Dumbledore had mentioned that your...,'' he hesitated for a second, glancing at Black, ''guest... would like to speak to us, or more correctly, to my wife. He said today would be a good time, but maybe we should have called ahead.''

Guest? Molly secretly rolled her eyes. More like a parasite.

''Oh no, no, not at all. It's such a nice surprise,'' Remus was quick to assure them, ''I'm sure Sirius is glad you came. Aren't you, Sirius?''

He looked at Black like he was trying to communicate something, and the man had the gall to grin.

''I am indeed.'' He turned back towards them, gesturing to the shabby couch and armchair in front of the fireplace. ''If you would like to sit down, I will prepare us some tea...''

''Oh, no, I'm on it,'' Remus interrupted him. ''They've come to talk to you after all, so... ehm, yes. Just make yourself comfortable. I'll be back in a minute.''

Black watched him go with an amused face, shaking his head, as if it was funny that he treated Remus like his butler. This was even worse than she'd expected. No way would she ever let this man get his hands on Harry again.

''Can I take your cloaks?'' Black asked again, like he wanted to show off his good upbringing, when Molly knew exactly what kind of family he came from. Sirius Black certainly never had to do one single chore in that house. The Blacks had house elves for that kind of thing. They were self-centered, snobbish blood-fanatics, and Molly didn't believe that the apple had fallen far from the rotten tree. She wanted to tell him where he could stick his false charrm, but Arthur was helping her out of her cloak already, giving it to Black, as if they were guests at a dinner party.

Clutching her handbag she finally followed her husband, and stiffly sat down on the sofa while Black sprawled his long limbs in the armchair. Molly tried to study Black discreetly, without meeting his eyes. She had not seen him all that well in court the day before. He seemed to be very thin, which made him look almost a bit frail. But of course that was misleading. She didn't believe for one minute that the man across from her was anything but a snake feeding on the compassion he was trying to evoke from those around him. She wouldn't fall for it.

The awkward silence stretched while Black sat in his chair, his silver eyes scrutinizing them. Molly pressed her lips into a thin line when they settled on her.

''I'm thankful that you came,'' he said finally, keeping his eyes on her, like he was trying to force eye-contact, and after a moment of hesitation she gave in and turned her head to look at him coldly. She didn't deem his polite phrases worthy of an answer.

Again, it was Arthur who bridged the gap, and it was starting to irritate her a bit. Her husband should be on her side and not let Black's charms get to him. Sometimes Arthur was just too softhearted, letting people walk all over him.

''Albus Dumbledore told us it would be good if we talked to you,'' he said in way of an explanation they didn't owe the other man, ''That Harry might benefit from it. Harry obviously is quite fond of you.''

Molly gritted her teeth. ''Because he manipulated him...,'' she mumbled to herself, but Black seemed to have heard her.

There was a soft sigh. ''Listen,'' he said, and his silver grey eyes on her felt like they were piercing her to her very soul, ''I know you don't like me. I know you have a bunch of issues with me, and you don't believe for one second that I'm innocent. Frankly, you don't trust me. And I can't change that. I can even live with that. But I really think Harry can't.''

Oh he was certainly right about her not trusting him. Not for a second. Arthur shifted slightly on the seat next to her. He obviously felt uncomfortable. ''Albus Dumbledore told us that he believes he'll be able to turn the trial in your favour. Prove that you were innocent all along.''

Black nodded in his direction. ''He might have found a way to give proof to my story. It depends on numerable factors, though, and there simply is no guarantee. That is why I asked you for this meeting.'' He swallowed audibly. ''If I understand it correctly, you want to make Harry part of your family permanently.''

Molly glared at him. His calm attitude and soft spoken words were getting on her nerves. She wanted to slap him and scream at him to stop that act, but instead she answered stiffly. ''Of course we do. He has been through too much already. We want him to finally find a loving home with us.''

''He is a sweet little boy,'' Arthur's added with a smile. ''We've come to care for him a lot.''

''Th-that's good,'' Black said. Had his voice beenshaking? Molly wasn't sure. ''Of course, I still hope to be acquitted and come free so that I will be able to take care of Harry myself. I promised him that we could be a family.''

He said it with a soft smile, even adding a sheepish enthusiasm to the mix, and this more than anything made the fury boil up in Molly. She couldn't take his faked kindness anymore. Her jaw clenched, and she glared at him furiously. ''Over my dead body!'' she spat, nearly jumping out of her seat, but Arthur held back.

''Molly,'' he said quietly, soothingly, but she wouldn't have that. He could be as polite as he wanted, but she would tell Sirius Black exactly what she thought of him!

Shaking her husband's hand off, she fixed the younger wizard with a glare that normally made people duck or run. ''If you think you can manipulate me like you did with Harry, you are mistaken. And if you think I will let you get your hands on the poor little boy again, you do clearly underestimate me, Mr. Black!'' she hissed. ''I will not let a murderer and liar hurt Harry, however much he might have charmed him into believing that he is a good guy.''

Black looked at her, keeping his calm and not rising to her threats at all. ''I don't underestimate you, Molly,'' he said, and there was an expression in his eyes that threw her. It were the eyes of a boy she had known once, and suddenly her chest hurt. The way he had been using her given name, maybe deliberately, but she had to fight against feeling shameful for her rudeness. ''I am happy to hear that you care for Harry so much,'' he said with serious eyes. ''And I am very glad that you are willing to protect him. Because that is the very reason I wanted to speak to you. To ask you to take care of Harry, in case I won't be able to. Harry is the most important thing in the world to me. I want him to have the happy life his parents and I envisioned for him when he was born.'' He paused, like his own words pained him, and she knew he was a master player, but he looked so sincere. Try as she might, she couldn't understand his secret agenda. ''Do you think he is happy?'' Black asked her quietly after a long, silent moment.

Molly frowned. ''Well, he has been through some very bad things, and it will take some time until he fully overcomes that. But he is on the best way.''

''Let me phrase my question differently. Do you think you are doing the best to help him to cope with the situation and to heal from the abuse he endured?''

She felt the blood rush to her head. What was he trying to say? Oh, she got it alright, he was trying to make her doubt, trying to get her into the defense. ''Are you implying that I am not able to act in Harry's best interest? Are you by any chance implying that _you _would be a better choice to help him with that! A criminal!'' she pressed out, anger rising again. ''By all means, _Mr. Black, _let me partake of your wisdom about childcare. I'm sure it will be enlightening to hear for someone like me, who has only been raising seven children so far.''

''I don't claim any special wisdom,'' Black said with a small, sad smile, ''I certainly had the worst example in my own parents. But I do know Harry. I know what he was like when I took him out of the hands of his abusive uncle, and I was with him and took care of him for the next four months. It wasn't always easy. Especially at first. He was skittish and scared. He expected to be punished or abandoned every minute of the day. But I gained his trust and his affection.'' There was a moment of hesitation. ''You don't have any experience with a child who was the victim of abuse, do you?''

''And you do?'' Molly scoffed.

''Yes. I have.''

He looked even paler when he said it, and for a moment there was an uncomfortable silence. Molly nearly asked him what the hell he meant by that, but didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

''He will be part of our family and he will be loved. That is the most important thing,'' she said at last.

''Yes,'' Black agreed with a barely noticable air of frustration. ''But it isn't enough. He needs to be able to believe that it is true. He needs to believe that he deserves it, that it is not linked to conditions, and won't be taken away from him again.''

''You don't have to worry,'' Arthur jumped in, cutting off a furious comment that had already been on the tip of her tongue, ''We will do everything in our power to protect and care for Harry. We will be his family. He will be just like another son to us. ''

Black slumped in his armchair with a small sigh. He looked almost uncomfortable. ''But Harry isn't like the rest of your sons,'' he said softly. ''That is the problem. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure you are wonderful parents. But Harry... _is_ different. He suffered severe abuse and neglect from his aunt and uncle. Physically, but even worse emotional abuse. He needs a lot more reassurance and more attentiveness than other children. He won't just come out and tell you what he needs, or if he's hurt. He won't tell you anything if he doesn't trust you. And he doesn't trust easily. He has learned to expect the worst. He needs to feel secure, and for that he needs to feel that you are honest with him, and that he can be honest with you.''

Holding herself stiffly, Molly studied the man with the earnest face opposite her suspiciously and confused. She really didn't know what to make of him. Part of her was sure it was all an act. Another part was appalled that he wanted to tell her how to care for a child, that he seemed to think he knew better. But another, smaller part wondered what he could possibly gain from this. Or whether he might be truly worried for Harry and, apart from all his horrible crimes, still held some real affection for his godson.

''All I ask you to do, is to keep this in mind. Harry is so very vulnerable right now. And he needs someone he can trust. I might not be there after tomorrow, and then he will have to learn to trust you.''

''Harry does trust us! He knows we would never hurt him! He knows we care-''

''No.''

Molly's head whipped around towards her husband.

''Harry doesn't trust us. Not really. He does not believe that he can be honest with us. And that is partly our fault.''

''Arthur!'' Molly stared at her husband in shock.

''Our reaction whenever he wanted to talk about his godfather surely wasn't encouraging.''

_Her _reaction. That was what he meant.

''I can't let him believe everything a murderer has told him!'' she objected, angry that she had to defend her rightful actions. She was acting in Harry's best interest! She was only protecting him from further disappointment!

''Why not?'' Black asked, finally showing some agitation. ''Why is it so bad for Harry to believe that his godfather truly loves and cares for him? He never knew how it felt to be safe and to be loved. It took time to convince him that he is, and that he deserves it. All I'm asking is that you don't take that away from him again! It will destroy every hope he still holds on to, every faith that he deserves something good. He might not dare to trust anybody again, and he might never trust you!''

''You honestly expect me to encourage Harry to trust YOU!'' Molly asked, turning to him appalled and furious. ''When you betrayed _everybody_ who did so in the past? No. I won't be taken in by your sweet talk! I know what kind of person you are. And if you think you can take Harry away from us, I dare you to try! You won't know what hit you!''

''He's not yours!'' Black said sharply, and there was a glare now in his eyes. ''He is the son of my best friend. My godson. And if you would just listen to Harry, you would know that his dearest wish is for us to become a family. But I don't know if that is possible! I don't know if I will be able to take care of him!''

''No, you won't, because you will pay for what you did in Azkaban!'' Molly said harshly.

The black-haired wizard stared at her with his burning silver eyes. ''Why do you hate me so much?'' he whispered angrily. ''I get that you don't believe me, but it's like you want to eliminate every trace of me from Harry's life. You want him to hate me too, however hurtful that would be for him! Why?''

''You know exactly why! You betrayed them! You pretended to be their _friend_ you lured them into a _trap_ and set them up to be _murdered_!''

''I didn't!'' Black hissed through gritted teeth. ''James and Lily were my family. My only family. And I would have died for them!''

''I'm talking about my BROTHERS!''

''What?'' Black had the audacity to look surprised.

Molly glared at him, breathing heavily. ''I know it was your fault! You let the man escape who was going to murder them, and then you betrayed them to your Death Eater friends! You wanted to meet with them and didn't show up! They _trusted_ you! Where were you that night, _Sirius_!''

''He was with me.''

All heads turned around to find a very pale Remus standing next to the sofa with a tea tray in his hands. They were trembling.

''I- I called him. It was an emergency. He didn't- he's not...''

''Of course he is!'' Molly interrupted the younger wizard. ''Wake up, Remus! If you hadn't called, he would have found another excuse! He is a liar, when will you finally open your eyes and accept that?''

''That's not true-''

But it was Black's voice, quiet and with a hint of danger in it, that cut Remus off. ''You have no idea what you are talking about. I didn't let Dolohov escape! I didn't help a horde of fanatic bastards to murder almost everyone I ever loved and cared about! Do you think you are the only one who lost her family? I lost James and Lily. I lost _my_ brother too!''

''Oh, yes, James Potter, the _brother_ you betrayed!'' she scoffed.

''I was talking about Regulus.''

But Molly was too angry to care or listen. She couldn't take this any longer. This farce was ridiculous. Black might have wrapped Remus Lupin around his finger, Albus Dumbledore, and even her own husband, but she would not be taken in by his act. She wouldn't! Unable to stay in her seat a moment longer, she jumped up, clutching her bag tightly, and glared down at the murderous bastard who looked like a starved angel, when she knew he really was a demon. Her body trembled but her voice was firm when she spoke.

''You disgust me, and I dearly hope that you will pay for your crimes! You might have been able to fool an innocent little boy who doesn't know any better, but I am not an eight year old, Sirius, I'm not as easily charmed. I won't make the same mistake as my brothers and all the others who fell for your charms and lies. And I will keep Harry safe from you!''

And with that she turned and stormed for the door.

-x-

''I'm sorry,'' Arthur said, looking awkwardly from Sirius to Remus when the door had fallen shut with a loud bang behind his wife. ''That... you have to understand... she never really got over it. Gideon and Fabian, I mean. She normally won't even talk about them.''

Sirius smiled tightly at the older wizard. ''I know how that feels.''

''Yes. I imagine you do.'' His voice was quiet, hesitating. ''And again, I apologize, Mr. Black. My wife can be a bit stubborn. But I assure you, I have heard what you said, and I will talk to her about it when she's calmed down a little. Molly and me, we both really care about Harry, please believe me.''

Sirius stood up with an angry snort. ''If she really cared about him, she would _listen_ to him!'' he said bitterly.

''It doesn't always work that way, you have to know that. As a parent you sometimes have to decide what's right and what's wrong.''

''And you think this is right for Harry?'' Sirius turned around, fixing Arthur Weasley with a challenging look.

The red-haired wizard didn't look away, although he was obviously feeling uncomfortable. ''No. Probably not. Which is why I will talk to her. But you have to be a bit patient with us. You said it yourself, we don't have any experience with this kind of thing.''

Sirius shook his head with a sigh. ''I don't have a choice either way, Mr. Weasley,'' he said tiredly. ''If things don't turn around to my favour tomorrow, I probably won't see you or Harry ever again. And in that case, I can only hope that you will do what's best for him.''

He had tried. But he should have known that, at least while he was not officially acquitted, Molly Weasley wouldn't believe a word he said. Although right now he wasn't even sure if that would help.

''And what if things turn out well tomorrow? If they let you go, and you will be a free man again?'' Mr. Weasley asked carefully.

''Then I will fight you tooth and nail for custody if I have to.'' His voice was all matter-of-fact, but his chest was close to exploding with hope and fear. ''Don't get me wrong, Mr. Weasley,'' he managed to press out, ''I appreciate that you want to take care of Harry, but I am his family. Harry belongs with me. He always has.''

When Arthur Weasley looked at him, there was something like respect and compassion in his eyes. ''I wish you good luck for tomorrow then, Mr. Black,'' he said sincerely, and with a nod at him and Remus, he went to the door.

''Aren't you going to tell me that I could have handled this better?'' Sirius asked his friend with an exasperated look.

''No,'' Remus said, smiling at him, ''you did it perfectly your way.''

-xox-

They had spent the rest of the day with comfortable things. Tea and firewhiskey. Wizard chess and talk. And sometimes just companionable silence. No one said something about tomorrow, and no one mentioned going to sleep. No one counted the hours. And Remus did his best not to think along the lines of last times. Tried not to notice his need to be close to Sirius every single moment. Because as long as there was tonight there would be no tomorrow, and that was what he was clinging to.

They had long lost track of what time it was when the flames turned green in the fireplace. Caught of guard, they looked up from their game of chess, and found the messy head of a little boy in the flames, eyes sparkling brightly behind his round glasses. A huge smile broke out on Sirius' face and he jumped out of his seat, falling to his knees in front of the fireplace.

''Hey pup!'' he greeted the boy fondly, and his body relaxed maybe for the first time today.

''Hi!'' Harry grinned sheepishly at his godfather, looking happier and more cheerful than either of them had seen him for a while. ''Hello Remus!'' he then added a bit more shyly.

''Hello Harry!'' Remus smiled warmly at the boy. ''I'll leave you two to your chat,'' he whispered in Sirius' direction, getting up to leave for the kitchen.

But before he could turn away, Sirius grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly. ''No. Stay,'' he said, meeting Remus' eyes with encouragement and invitation. ''I'm sure Harry would like to see his Uncle Moony too.''

And Remus understood immediately that, while Sirius was playing along, he remained always conscious of the challenges and consequences tomorrow would bring. He sank down next to his friend, and there was the promise in his eyes that he knew Sirius needed to see.

It would have been almost possible to forget the fear and worries, sitting with his best friend in front of the fireplace, listening to Harry telling them happily how the Weasley boys had taught him the basics of Quidditch this afternoon. Almost.

''So, it's alright at the Weasleys?'' Sirius asked. ''You're getting along with the boys?''

Harry nodded. ''I really like Ron. And Bill is nice too. And the twins are funny,'' Harry explained. Then he hesitated a moment. ''And it won't be long anymore now, will it?'' he asked hopefully.

''You miss me although you are having so much fun, pup?'' Sirius asked, giving his voice a disbelieving ring.

But Harry nodded firmly. ''I want to be with you again. And Ron said we could probably still be friends, even when I live with you. Do you think we can?''

''Of course, pup,'' Sirius assured him with one of his beautiful smiles.

''So when will you be innocent?'' Harry asked softly, and only Remus saw the glint of pain in Sirius' eyes.

''Hopefully soon, pup.''

Remus watched the faces of his friend and the little boy in the fire, trying hard not to think about last times, but maybe that's what he had to do.

''Want to scurry through for a few minutes, Harry?'' he asked with a glance at his friend. Harry's face lit up, and he nodded enthusiastically. ''Then come, quickly.''

In the next moment Harry was with them, hugging his godfather fiercely, and Sirius eyes were alight with relief and pain and love and that small edge of despair. And when Harry turned around and gave a clumsy one armed hug to Remus, without ever letting go of his godfather, the ginger-haired wizard pressed a gentle little kiss into the black messy hair of the boy. And when he saw Sirius smile at him his heart cramped, and he send a prayer to whomever might be listening, that this would not turn out to be a last time.

-xox-

When Harry had scrabbled back through the floo to the Weasleys' kitchen, the living room had become too silent for comfort. Sirius had remained sitting in front of the fireplace staring into the glowing embers without saying a word for a long time, until Remus touched his shoulder lightly, and he seemed to be waking up from a dream, looking at his friend as if he had forgotten where he was.

''I want him to know that you are there for him,'' he said, and there was something grave in his voice, ''I want him to know that he can turn to you when things are bad. That you are not only my friend, but will be there for him too. Promise me you will, Moony.''

''I promise. I will, Sirius. I care for him too.''

Sirius nodded, his eyes turning back to the dying fire, as if he could still see more than ash and embers there.

''Come on, let's go upstairs,'' Remus said, not without reluctance, but Sirius seemed to be drained. Too many confrontations, too many fights and too many fears had filled this day that wouldn't be the last. Sirius allowed himself to be led, up the stairs and to the room he had been occupying for two short weeks, although Remus felt like it had been forever. As if there had always been a room inside his house for Sirius.

In an already studied routine, Remus went to the bathroom first, mechanically going through the motions. When he went back downstairs to check the wards like he always did, he kept listening to the familiar noises of Sirius taking his turn preparing for bed. The sound of his footsteps, the water running, the soft thuds and bangs. But today it was all very silent, like Sirius didn't have the energy for his usual racket.

Remus passed Sirius' open door on the way to his own bedroom, and stopped in his tracks when he saw his friend sitting on the edge of the bed, half dressed with his shirt in his hands, staring into nothingness or at least nothing Remus was able to see.

''Padfoot?'' he called softly, and Sirius looked up, and for just one moment there was that old, unrestrained, amazing smile of the mischievous, daring boy that Sirius had always only shown to a precious few. And Remus wished he could somehow take a hold of it when it started to ebb away, being replaced again by tired lines and barely hidden anxiousness. ''You alright?'' Remus asked hesitantly, making an almost unconscious step into the room.

Sirius nodded. Then he shook his head. ''It could be all over tomorrow,'' he said, his voice just above a whisper.

Remus couldn't do anything else but sit down next to him, staring ahead himself. Because however much he didn't want to think about it, it was true, and he couldn't bring himself to mumble meaningless platitudes.

''I was prepared, you know. The last time,'' Sirius went on softly. ''But now I have this _hope _that it could really work. If Snape doesn't act like a total bastard. If Lucius hasn't bought half of the Wizengamot. If Umbridge hasn't some other trick up her sleeve. It _could_ work.''

Remus nodded. Hope could be a terrible thing.

''Can you... stay for a bit?'' Sirius asked after another silent moment, and the unspoken need in his voice broke something in Remus, although it might have been something that was meant to be broken. It still hurt a little.

''Sure. If you want me to,'' Remus said, trying to give a casual smile, and Sirius rolled over, stretching out on the blankets. He was lying on his stomach, head resting on his forearm, his silky black hair, fanning out in loose strands, a stark contrast to the pale skin of his shoulders and back. The mysterious grey eyes were watching him, and Remus suddenly felt a strangely shy tenderness towards his friend as he lay down next to him.

They just laid there in silence, close, and together, and Remus wasn't sure when it had happened, or who had taken who's hand, but Sirius long slender fingers were resting lightly in Remus' palm now.

''Thank you,'' Sirius mumbled softly, and when Remus looked up from their entwined hands, he saw that Sirius' eyes were closed, and he seemed to be drifting off into the prelude of sleep. He wasn't sure what Sirius was thanking him for, but then it wasn't all that important.

Remus turned on his side, careful not to disturb his friend. He studied him, like he was seeing him for the first time. Or the last. The slightly furrowed brow, the long black lashes, the sharp cheekbones in the still thin face. In sleep Sirius looked so much like the boy from a long time ago. And even back then Remus had loved him the most. For his strength and fortitude. For his easy acceptance. For his beautiful smiles, and the gentle words when Remus was hurt. And for a moment Remus wanted to reach out and wake him, wanted to tell him all the things he had never said out loud, because maybe it would be the last chance. Maybe it would be the last time.

And then Sirius squeezed his hand lightly in his sleep, and Remus' felt himself relax. It wouldn't be over. Sirius needed his sleep. And Sirius knew. All that was really important, Sirius already knew.

-xox-

Night had fallen a long time ago, but in the deep bowls of the Hogwarts dungeons a sparse room was still illuminated by the dancing light of flames burning low in the fireplace. Severus Snape sat in an old armchair with a dusty tome on his lap. The light was not bright enough by far to decipher the ancient runes, but then he had not turned a page for hours, his eyes staring off into the play of the flames.

When he had come back to his quarters at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the early afternoon, his most pressing emotion had been anger. Anger at Lupin, for dragging him back there, claiming that he had some kind of moral obligation, obnoxious and disrespectful in his demands. Anger at Albus, for asking him to do this whole thing in the first place when it was clear that he didn't really have a choice in it. And most of all, anger at Black. Black, sitting on his ever present high horse, and playing the victim. Black with all his stupid memories. Memories of Lily, obviously thrown at him to prove a point. Memories of her son, Potter's son, who looked like the miniature edition of his father, but had Lily's eyes. He had never met the kid but he already hated it. And Black. He hated him too. It wouldn't do to forget that. Being a pathetic, pitiful bastard didn't change that.

But he couldn't push the memories away from him. Memories of Black as a boy, which seemed much too familiar. Memories of Black and Lucius, which disgusted him in a way he couldn't comprehend himself. He had always known that Lucius had some pretty twisted tastes. They had been serving the Dark Lord side by side for four years after all. No one could stay squeamish or prudish in that service for long, and torturing had become almost a form of normality after a while. Often they were just Muggles, sometimes Muggle-borns, only seldom Blood-traitors. Blood-traitors would normally just be killed. Executed. Like Potter.

And like Black, if they had ever got their hands on him. At least that's what he had assumed. Now he wasn't so sure, seeing Lucius' sick obsession with Black. The image of Black's naked teenage body swam before his eyes. Severus had turned away and had not seen the end of it, had not seen how far Lucius had gone that night. But he remembered other nights, later, in the Dark Lord's service. Lucius had perfected the use of the Imperio Curse, and had revelled in the humiliation of the victims. He would make them crawl, women and men alike, would make them prostitute themselves in front of him, only to spit in their faces. Maybe that had been the difference. He had seemed so much more involved with Black, as if there was more to it, something even darker.

And he really didn't want to think about it. Why would he care... it was Black. Black who had never been anything but a cruel, arrogant bastard, a haughty, snobbish pureblood heir, a spoilt rich kid... only that, from what he had seen today, the last might not be entirely true. He had always assumed. The Blacks were one of the richest families back then. Old money and old magic. The very upper crust of wizard society. And even while surrounded by an air of rumour and suspicion, Orion Black held up the image of a powerful man who never went too far over the line. And it was, if not an open, then a not very well hidden secret, that his eldest son was a bit of an embarrassment. A rebellious rich kid acting up. Severus thought it was the worst. Black had it all. Always the best. Books, robes, brooms. Money to spend. And he treated it all with the lack of care of someone who had never lacked anything in his life. He was an ungrateful brat. So maybe he _had_ brought it upon himself. The punishments. The harsh words. The contemptuous, hateful looks. That must have been it. Even Black himself obviously thought he deserved it... And why was he even thinking about this? It wasn't his problem. He sure as hell wouldn't start pitying Black. He just wished he could get the images out of his head. Especially those of the little boy with the big frightened grey eyes. They didn't sit well with him somehow.

With a sigh Severus shut the book and rose from his chair, feeling the aching muscles from having remained for too long in a stationary position. Placing the tome on his desk he went to the bathroom and methodically prepared himself for bed, trying to empty his mind, as he had learned as an accomplished Occlumens.

But tonight it just didn't come off. He was lying on his back, and his body felt stiff and uncomfortable, and in his mind images kept popping up. Whether he closed his eyes, or whether he was staring up at the dark canopy of his bed they swam before his eyes like petals on a potion. Memories. Black's. His own. Mixing together into a nauseating stream.

The day of his own court-hearing seven years ago, the feel of the chains around his arms, the disgusted looks of the spectators... Black as a little boy hiding in a dark corner... Severus listening to his parents fighting, his father yelling... Black's twisted face as he used an Unforgivable... Severus surrounded by a circle of masked men and women, a Muggle boy in front of him, about his own age, eyes full of fear, and his own wand hand rising, his cold voice speaking the curse. He had wished for someone older, back then, someone closer to his father's age. But the Dark Lord didn't make it easy for you, after all it was to prove your loyalty, no sense in making that easy, and Severus had done what was expected... But in the end his thoughts always came back to one thing. One thing he had seen when he had finally found what he had been looking for in Black's mind. The ruins of a house. The dead body of Potter. And then the limp, slender body of a woman, her long red hair obscuring her features. Black had bowed over her and had stroked the hair from her face, in a gesture like a tender caress, a gesture that had made Severus grit his teeth, and then... her face. Her eyes, once full of life, an irradiating green, sparkling with joy... dull and vacant. Her body, older than he remembered her, but still so familiar... without a scratch, and still broken beyond repair. Dead. Gone. Irretrievable.

Severus Snape didn't sleep that night, but kept staring at the canopy, fighting off images of black-haired little boys and green eyes looking at him with a spectrum of unbearable emotions.

TBC

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**I know. We still haven't made it to the court. I'm sorry, but it couldn't be helped. There are 'transition' chapters, and I promise action will be picking up next chapter. Saying that, I still hope you liked it. Feedback will be great motivation to write what you all are waiting for! ;)**

**Reviewers Anonymous: ****HebHibHob:** And then you *did* find a few more words, thank you! :) Am very glad! Remus is very protective, and I do love to show that he can be quite fierce. And the Weasleys... well, all but Molly. Sigh. In due time. I know it took a bit longer, but still was ASAP! ;) **read addiction: ** I'm glad you said that about deadlines! ;) And thank you so much! And I am glad you thought the background of Snape and the Marauders realistic. And, yes, that's exactly what I think about reality. And spot on about Aberforth! More Regulus... hopefully, but might take a while. **Mia:** Well, it takes time. It's not like instant coffee. ;) But I'm happy to hear you are so eager to read more. Thank you! **Violetta:** Thank you very much! I'm glad you like Sirius & Remus' relationship. :) Really, about everything you said, thank you, I love a reader who appreciates realism and creativity! :D


	21. Truth

**A/N: ****Finally and long awaited... the last hearing... the truth uncovered... how will the scales turn?**

Many thanks to **jogger **and **ambush99** for convincing me that I can safely post it. I think. Honestly, I obsessed about this chapter. And I'm still not 100 % sure. So I would love to get some feedback!

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**Chapter 20 - Truth**

Truth is a fickle thing. It can be different for different people. When it is absolute it is seldom true. And yet we search for it, long for it, and we forget that the place to look is in out hearts.

Harry didn't care about the truth. Harry just cared about his godfather, whom he loved and adored. And in his heart he knew that Sirius would never do anything to hurt him.

Remus had been scared of it. The truth. And still the need for it had not let go of him for seven years. But the important question had never been how or what, but why. Because in his heart he knew that Sirius wasn't capable of such a betrayal.

Sirius knew the truth. And he wondered why all his truth was always dark and ugly. He was filled up with it, sealed in and bricked. And today the walls would come tumbling down, and the truth would be laid bared, with his soul, in front of the wizarding world to be scrutinized and judged.

-xox-

Severus Snape had his own truth. It was woven like a warm black blanket. Familiar. Comforting. And not to be torn. And one of it's facts was that he hated Sirius Black.

Severus wasn't the man who hated Sirius the most. There was a man who hated Sirius more, and longer, and with so much more passion that Severus would always come second. But that didn't mean that he couldn't hate him with vigour. Which he did. He did hate him. He might even hate him more than when they had been attending Hogwarts, because back then James Potter had still been alive and had reserved a certain amount and energy of hatred for his stupid, pompous self. Not that he didn't still hate Potter. He did. But Black was now the more tangible object of his loathing.

Severus looked at himself in the mirror. Really looked at himself. It wasn't something he did very often. He didn't make any judgements about his attractiveness. Such thoughts had left him long ago. When he was younger he might have longed for different, more pleasing features, but that had been before.

Before Lily decided to fall for Potter, married him, died with him. Before he himself had started to hide his face behind an even uglier mask and sold what there was left of his soul to a man with a beautiful face and a mind that could think up the most horrible and disgusting deeds. He had felt powerful at first, and in control, but with time he had to realize that he had simply exchanged one shackle for another.

And then Lily had died. And Voldemort was gone. And he had stopped caring because there was nothing left to care about. He had pledged his loyalty to Albus Dumbledore, replacing the old shackle with yet another one. He owed Albus. He wouldn't forget it, and neither would Albus.

_''You swore that you would protect Lily's child. You haven't forgotten that have you, Severus?''_

_''You are not asking me to save Potter's brat. You are asking me to save his bloody lapdog! What has protecting Lily's son got to do with keeping Sirius Black out of Azkaban?''_

_''It has everything to do with it. In fact, it might be the very same thing, Severus.''_

Damn Albus to hell and back.

In the dungeons of Hogwarts, sunrise was no matter of interest. But the potions master was an early riser. And while Severus Snape put on his thick and heavy black robes, methodically buttoning up his armour, somewhere else dawn had heralded the day with a beautiful display of red and gold.

-xox-

The sky had been painted in Gryffindor colours when Remus had awoken with a slightly stiff neck in Sirius' bed. Sirius was stretched out next to him, not stirring yet. Remus stared at his friend's features, relaxed and vulnerable in his sleep, and somewhere there was an urge to reach out and stroke the silky black tresses out of his face. Was it strange of him to think that Sirius was beautiful like this? Remus turned on his side, facing his sleeping friend, and permitted himself another moment to relax against the sheets, his head resting on his forearm.

Back in school, Sirius had never been a late sleeper. He was a boy who could stay up till late and still pull himself out of bed early in the morning. He just seemed to have an incredible amount of energy, or he just didn't know when to stop, because now and then he would drive himself at the brink of exhaustion, and that might have been the only times Remus had been able to witness a peacefully sleeping Sirius.

And then there had been that one time when he had stared at a sleeping Sirius, praying and wishing for him to wake up and be okay. Sirius had not looked peaceful then, he had looked pale and lost and... smaller somehow. Remus still remembered the fear. It was the same he felt right now.

_Sirius was lying asleep under the thick blankets in the monstrosity of his Hogwarts four-poster bed. His long-limbed body was thinner than it used to be, and his skin seemed almost white in contrast to his inky black hair and long lashes. _

_Sirius' hand was cold inside his own, but he was breathing calmly now. No bright red blossoms staining the bandages anymore. _

_''Remus...'' James' voice. Full of barely controlled fear. ''What...''_

_''It's okay...'' Remus said, stroking the back of Sirius hand, not knowing whom he was trying to reassure. ''He is okay now. He didn't want... he wouldn't let me get him to the hospital wing, but I had the potion and bandages and... I think he is okay now. It has stopped.'' Remus looked up at a pale and horrified James then. ''The bleeding has stopped.''_

_''What... no… he wouldn't... he can't have...'' The normally so self-assured boy was shaking, too shocked to find words. _

_''He has,'' Remus said blankly. ''He tried. I found him. In the bathroom. Last night.''_

_James gaze was glued to his best friend's sleeping face when he gingerly sat down on the other side of the mattress, imitating Remus' position. _

_''Why... how could he... why would he do that?'' James whispered, raw and painful emotion painting his words. _

_''Because we abandoned him,'' Remus whispered. ''Because we left him. How could I have been so cruel, James?'' Remus looked up at his friend, tears blurring his vision, his voice desperate when he went on. ''I know what it means to be alone. Until I met you... He __told me. Back then, he told me that I wasn't alone, and that I would _never _be alone again. He was twelve. And he said it with such fierceness... you know how he can get. This... it's my fault, James. Because I was resentful. Because I was stubborn and cold-hearted and harsh. Because I was-''_

_''Hurt?'' _

_''...''_

_''Because you love him and he hurt you.'' James' toffee-coloured eyes rested on him and suddenly he seemed more adult than Remus had ever seen him. I was like he saw more, understood more, while Remus himself just felt scared and lost and confused. ''But Sirius is not someone you can just give up on, is he?'' _

No, he wasn't. And he never had been able to. Not in his heart. He loved Sirius, needed him, whatever that meant. Since he had been a young boy, scared and alone in a world that was made to hate him, he had been drawn to Sirius like a moth to the flame. Now today would mark an end or a beginning. And if Remus was honest with himself, he was scared of both prospects.

-xox-

Harry wasn't scared. That's what he kept telling himself. He wasn't scared, because there was no reason to be. Everything would be alright. Mister Dumbledore would prove that Sirius had done nothing wrong, and then Harry could be with his godfather forever and ever. They could go back to the cabin, and they would sit in front of the fire, and Sirius would read to him. And then, when he grew sleepy, Sirius would pick him up and carry him up to his bed. He would lay him down and pull the blankets up to Harry's nose, and stroke his hair back to kiss him on the forehead. And if he had a nightmare and woke up in the darkness, afraid, he could sneak down to Sirius' room, and climb into bed with him, and Sirius would pull him close and Harry would be safe and warm and protected.

And the next morning he would wake to the smell of pancakes, and Sirius would ask him whether he wanted chocolate sprinkles on them, and remind him to drink his milk, and then they would make plans for the day. Sirius would smile at him, and Harry would have that feeling in his stomach, not the bad one where it felt all knotted and twisted, but the good one. Like thousands of butterflies.

Harry would be happy.

-xox-

He just wanted Harry to be happy. That was all that counted. All that mattered. Nothing else. And he would make it happen, whatever it took.

Everything would come to an end now soon. This whole mess. This trial that should have been held over seven years ago. For a long time those hours had been nothing but tags of hazy memories. James and Lily dead, the house blown to hell, Harry crying. Looking for Peter. Pain, hate, desperation. Peter's guilty face. The street blowing up, deafening him, blinding him. Laughing. Crying. Maybe he'd gone mad at that moment. And then the stunner hitting him. Falling as if in slow motion. Rough hands grabbing him. Disbelieving voices.

_Merlin's great name, Black... what have you done..._

He started to remember. Being bound, being pushed and shoved. Albus looking at him like he had never seen him before.

_Why, Sirius... why?_

But Sirius had not been able to answer that question.

_Get that disgusting piece of shit to Azkaban. High security. Dementors day and night. Let that bastard dwell in the misery he has bestowed on others._

That had been Crouch. And Sirius could not have agreed more. This was his fault.

But he didn't want that anymore. He had made mistakes. He would be the first one to admit that. He had misjudged. He had judged. He had been wrong, and people he loved had died. But he understood now that Azkaban was not the way to make up for these mistakes. Harry was. Caring for Harry, and giving everything, whatever it took, and if one day it would be his life, he would lay it down immediately. But not today. Today he would be strong, and fight, for Harry. And do whatever it took.

-xoSox-

Sirius was shifting restlessly, his eyes wandering around the by now familiar grey stone walls of the room which, Remus was hoping to whatever powers there might be, they would never have to see again after today. They had got there early. The Auror Security that had arrived shortly after he had shaken Sirius awake had seemed nervous, and had obviously tried to get their prisoner in before the crowd of spectators had assembled fully. There had been some ugly scenes the last times, and they wanted to avoid as much of a riot as possible.

They still had nearly two hours till the hearing would begin, and Aurors were standing guard outside, but here inside the small room it was just the two of them. Sirius had been pacing for a while, all trapped animal, subconsciously flexing his joints against the heavy shackles. Now he stood at the back of the room, worrying his bottom lip while he stared ahead at nothing with a determined and strangely calculating look in his eyes. Then his gaze turned towards his concerned friend.

After a moment Remus rose a single eyebrow in question.

''Give me your wand.''

The ginger-haired wizard stared at Sirius outstretched hand.

''W-What?''

''Do you have the Calming Draught?''

''I'm not sure you should take potions before the Leglimency,'' he objected, wondering what was going on.

''I don't want the draught, I want the bottle.''

Remus looked into his friend's determined face. The silver grey eyes were deadly serious.

''Sirius?''

''I don't trust Snape.''

-xox-

Severus Snape hated the Ministry. It was full of people whose sense of self-importance surpassed their intellectual capability by far. Severus' lip curled in disgust, and the fact that he would never manage to draw welcoming or friendly glances only enforced the effect. He had not set foot into the outlandish and pompous building since his own trial. Severus was a private man. Hogwarts, Spinner's End, occasional visits to Knockturn Alley, he didn't get out much. One of the reasons would be that he despised crowds, and most of all those of the excited and mindless wizard kind.

Exactly such a crowd greeted him when he reached the Ministry though. Wasn't it lovely? One way or the other, Black always needed to attract gatherings. And it was only with mild satisfaction that Severus noticed that this time those people were in no way out to create a fanclub for the arrogant black-haired man.

-xox-

''Sirius, what is this about?'' Remus asked bewildered and just this side of irritated. This was not the time to make stupid mistakes and risk the small chance that they had.

But Sirius just looked at him with a stubborn glint in his grey eyes. Remus sighed and shook his head, but fished in his cloak for the draught. It had not been intended for Sirius since there was no predicting how any potion could interfere with the Leglimency Snape would perform later. He had thought that Harry might benefit from it though. Or, if he was honest, he might need a gulp himself somewhere down the line. He handed Sirius the bottle with a glare.

Sirius took the small glass vial, pulled the stopper out and turned it upside down, letting the potion splash on the rough stone floor. Remus stared at him in absolute bewilderment.

''Now give me your wand.''

''You know damn well that I'm not supposed to do such a thing!'' Remus hissed in a stage whisper.

The silver grey eyes didn't waver. But Remus was no chicken. Not anymore. Sirius would have to come clean with his crazy ideas if he wanted to have even a slither of a chance of convincing him. Finally Sirius sighed in frustration, turning his gaze away. His whole body seemed to slump as if the insane tension that had kept him wired had suddenly fallen away.

''I want to pull it out,'' he mumbled reluctantly.

''Pull _what _out from _where_?''

''The memory!'' the other wizard pressed out. ''That glorious memory of me, using an Unforgivable.'' He gave Remus an angry but defiant look.

''I don't think Severus would-''

''I can't risk it. Okay?'' Sirius ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. ''Look, we both know that git loathes me. He hates me, Remus, simple as that. And even if he is doing this, he is certainly not doing it out of the bottom of his kind heart. However Albus got him to agree to this, what can anyone say when an unfavourable memory slips in somewhere?''

''But would it even prevent him from showing that memory? Would it be diminished?''

''How would I know?'' Sirius rolled his eyes frustrated, ''But it's worth a shot.''

Remus pierced the other wizard, the friend he needed and loved and wouldn't let go and who, on occasion, he could have gladly strangled, with a contemplating stare. It was a long, drawn-out moment but then Remus slowly pulled out his wand and held it out to Sirius, never breaking the eye-contact.

''Don't mess with anything else.''

Sirius rolled his eyes.

-xox-

It was probably only a matter of time until one of their parents was going to lose it, although all bets were on their mother of course. The morning at the Wealseys had been disrupted by arguments and sulking. The three youngest Weasley boys had been alternately demanding and begging to be allowed to accompany their parents and Harry to the Ministry, promising good behaviour and extra chores for the up-coming weeks. But it was proving to be futile. Their mother was wearing her stern and pitiless face, and their father was much more serious than they were normally used to.

And they were arguing. Their father had to go into the office and wouldn't be able to attend the trial or watch over Harry. Their mother on the other hand refused to come even within a hundred miles radius of Black, whom she had started to refer to solely as _that man_.

''Molly. You know Harry needs to be there. We both know he _needs _to be there,'' Mr. Weasley pleaded at the end of his tether.

''Why would he need to be there? It's stupid. He is a child and should have no part in such a thing.''

''It's regulations, Mum, you know that,'' Bill said impatiently. ''We are supposed to bring him.''

''And Harry needs to see Sirius,'' his father stated more calmly. ''Whichever way things are going to turn out, Harry will want to see him.''

''So it is _Sirius now,_ is it?'' the Weasley matriarch snapped with a glare. ''You know what? I have heard and seen enough from that man. If you want to take Harry to the Ministry, then do that, but I will have no part of it!''

In the end Mr. Weasley and Bill left with an excited Harry for the Ministry, while the rest of the family stayed home disgruntled, although for very different reasons.

-xox-

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Sirius directed the tip of Remus' wand towards his temple, and closed his eyes in concentration. Then he recalled what he never wanted to recall again. The anger, the hate, the desperation and the fear. Knowing that his brother was dead. And hearing the laughter of a man who might have witnessed it, might have _done_ it, who didn't care. He whispered the incantation and the memory disentangled and floated away from him. A silver wisp dangling and curling at the end of Remus' wand. He let it drop into the potion's bottle, watching it swirl for a moment, wondering how such an ugly moment could look so innocuous.

Before Remus could say anything, he returned the wand to the same position, seeing from the corner of his eye how Remus frowned, obviously uneasy. But he needed one more. Just one. He thought of the happiest moment in his life. He thought of James' face, sprouting the most sentimental and sappy smile Sirius had ever seen, while he handed him a bundle that seemed much too small, and that nevertheless held this tiny, perfect human being. He thought of the joy and the love and the need to protect the little baby boy who had just opened his eyes for the first time. Bright green eyes looking up at him full of trust and curiosity.

When the memory broke away from his mind he felt an almost physical loss, but he carefully pulled it out and let it slide into the vial to join the less joyful one.

''What was that?'' Remus asked, looking uncomfortable and tense.

Sirius raised his head to meet his friend's eyes. For a moment he had almost forgotten where he was. ''That was something I want you to give to Harry when... when things don't turn out,'' he said quietly.

''Sirius-''

''I know. I'm not saying that he'll need it. But... just in case, okay? Will you...''

Remus nodded quickly, facing the floor to hide the pain. ''I said I would,'' he whispered.

Sirius held out his wand, and after a second Remus took it and tucked it back into his robes, his face still turned away.

''Hey!'' Sirius grabbed his friend's arm, turning him back towards him. ''Look at me, Moony.'' And only when Remus did, he said, ''I'm not giving up. I came this far. _We _came this far. And you know I will go down fighting. Right?''

Remus stared at him and blinked. For a second Sirius was afraid he would lose it, but then he nodded and smiled, regaining his composure. ''Yeah. But you won't need to. Everything will be okay.''

Sirius' mouth spread into an equally sad and bright smile. ''That's what I wanna hear. And so you better hold on to this.'' He pressed the bottle into Remus palm. ''Because I will be wanting it back.''

-xox-

Severus Snape cursed. All he wanted was to apparate straight back to Hogwarts, lock himself up in his dungeon, alone and far away from silly gossiping witches and wheezing old wizards, and brew some rare and complicated potion that would take all his concentration and leave no room to think about the past. Instead he was stuck in the queue at the security desk. Why in Salazar's great name did they have to weigh his wand? You would think they had the measurements of it written down somewhere, seeing as they'd been so worried about what he'd done with it seven years ago. And didn't they understand that he wasn't here as a spectator, gawking at a former most eligible bachelor turned criminal madman, but in an official role? He ground his teeth, and tried to avoid getting stabbed in the eye by the peacock-feather protruding from what the fat witch in front him probably thought was a hat.

''Severus.''

The familiar, silky voice would have caused an inner sigh of relief on any other day, but the last time he had heard it, speaking another name with the same silky intonation but a whole different intention, was still a bit too close to his conscience for comfort.

''This shouldn't be necessary,'' Lucius Malfoy said with a disparaging look at the crowd of people mulling in the Atrium, and especially at those next to Severus. ''Come with me, I will bring you to the chamber of the Wizengamot.''

The hand on his shoulder did neither push nor pull, but it didn't give him a real choice either, and so Severus let the blond wizard guide him away from the masses, feelings of relief and reluctance mixing to a sickening sensation that seemed to settle in his stomach.

-xox-

The sudden sound of the door being pushed open with a creak made Sirius' heart halt for a beat, and he subconsciously stepped closer to Remus, blocking him from view. A second later he was immensely relieved to see the tall figure of Albus Dumbledore stepping inside and not the anticipated squad of Aurors. The old headmaster looked from one of the young wizards to the other inquisitively.

''Albus!'' Remus exclaimed hastily, sliding the vial with Sirius' memories into a pocket of his robes inconspicuously. ''We were wondering where you were.''

''Indeed, forgive me,'' the white-haired wizard replied, spreading his hands with a smile, his blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon glasses in much too merry a way for the occasion. ''I had planned to come and see you sooner, but there were some last minute preparations and procedures for the hearing to be taken care of.''

Sirius fidgeted in his shackles, clearing his throat almost awkwardly. ''But everything is ready now?'' he asked trying to sound casual.

''Oh, yes. Believe me there is no need to worry,'' Albus hurried to assure him. ''It seems there were a few members of the Wizengamot who had reservations about the method we are going to use to show your memories. Probably because I had a part in inventing the spells. But those doubts have been resolved.''

''Oh. Well, that's good.''

''Ehm... how _are_ you going to show them, actually?'' Remus asked with a frown, obviously only now realizing that Albus never really had explained how the Wizengamot would be able to see what Snape was seeing.

''Ah, I'm glad that you are asking. It is actually one of my cleverer ideas, if I may say so,'' Albus said almost cheerfully. ''We are combining the magical penetration of Leglimency with the spell to untangle and pull out memories from your own mind, as well as the magic used in the making of pensieves.''

Remus blinked.

Sirius frowned.

''That is-''

''You mean-''

They both started at the same time, but both falling silent again, glancing at each other in hesitant amusement.

''Ah, yes, that might have sounded a tad confusing,'' Albus admitted with a small chuckle, ''Well, to explain it better, Severus will use Leglimency to penetrate Sirius' mind, and while being _inside_ his consciousness, use the spell to untangle a memory. He will then project it on a mirror which has been spelled specifically to reflect those thoughts and show them to the people present. The mirror of course works much like a pensieve would in this equation.''

Sirius nodded in understanding, but his face was pale and his stomach felt queasy. His thoughts projected for the world to see, and by Severus Snape of all people, was not exactly something that delighted him. Almost as if he could read his thoughts, Albus seemed to study him carefully, watching him with an unusually kind and gentle expression.

''I also brought something for you,'' he said after silence had settled. '' I thought you might want to use it afterwards.'' He pulled a small package out of his robes. ''I've wanted to give it to Harry for a while already, but I'm sure its former owner would have approved of you having it for now.''

He held out the package to him, and Sirius took it, surprised when it seemed to be almost weightless. He unwrapped the paper and, seeing what was inside, his eyes grew wide and he swallowed against the lump forming in his throat at the memory, and the meaning, and... _what was Dumbledore trying to do?_ He looked up to meet Remus' eyes, and saw that his friend was just as stunned as he was. They shared a look before Sirius turned to the smiling old wizard.

''This is...''

''It sure is.''

''What, you want me to make a run with it if things don't turn out?''

''Of course not, my dear boy!''Albus shook his head smiling, ''That most certainly won't be necessary. Everything will be fine. I just thought that after you are released, you might want to get away without causing a riot and giving interviews for a few hours.''

Sirius nodded, still rather speechless.

''I'm sure James would have wanted it that way,'' Albus said gently.

Sirius hand gently stroked over the soft and light material in his hands. James' invisibility cloak. There couldn't have been a better good luck charm.

''Thank you,'' he whispered. But Albus only answer was a strangely serious nod.

-xox-

It wasn't Harry's first time in the huge wizard building, but it was still amazing to see all that splendour and magic and the many people. The people actually were the one thing that made him uncomfortable. There had been a lot of looks and people pointing their fingers at him, whispering ''Look, it's Harry Potter!'' ''Are you sure?'' ''Oh, Merlin's pants, I saw him!''

It was very strange. Harry didn't know any of these people! And being stared at made him nervous. He always had to wonder whether he had done something wrong, even though most of them seemed pleased or excited to see him. Still, he didn't really like it, and he grabbed Bill's hand tighter, pressing closer to the young red haired wizard.

''You don't have to be nervous or afraid, Harry. I'm sure everything will be fine,'' Bill whispered to him.

''Why are all those people staring at me?'' Harry whispered back.

Bill chuckled. ''You are quite famous Harry. Ever since you were a baby boy every wizard child knew your name. And now, with the trial going on, people have become even more interested in you.''

''But I'm not very interesting,'' Harry said puzzled. ''I'm just Harry.''

Bill laughed. ''That you are.''

Mister Weasley came back, looking tense and stressed. ''Merlin's good grace, what a stampede... you'd think every single wizard in Britain had come here today.''

''Yeah, you'd think they had something better to do...'' Bill frowned. ''I thought the hearing was closed to the public anyway.''

''It is. But afterwards they will announce the verdict, and that will be a public affair. Although how all these people are expecting to fit in the courtroom is beyond me.''

Mr. Weasley shook his head with a sigh and ushered them in the direction of the elevators.

''I will bring you to the waiting room now, it has all been arranged,'' he explained. ''I will have to go to the office then, but I'll try to come by later.''

Harry didn't really know what they were talking about or where they were going. But he didn't care all that much either. He was just excited that today Sirius would finally be released, and he could go back to living with him. With his godfather. And then no one would be able to say bad things about Sirius anymore. Everybody would see what a good and wonderful person.

-xox-

And then it was time. Time for the final chapter. The last step. Things were coming to an end today, either way, and he had promised to fight. Sirius Black kept his promises.

When the Aurors led him out of the room with the already familiar procedure, he turned back to give Remus a last reassuring look. Not that he felt so sure himself, but Remus seemed to be needing it even more than him at this moment.

The courtroom looked different. For one thing, the circular rising stands were empty, giving off a feeling of forlornness and abandonment. But an addition had been made as well. A large rectangular mirror hung high up in midair behind the high-backed chair that once again would be Sirius' place of torture. It faced the pews of the Wizengamot, giving them all a perfect view of some of the most painful parts of his past.

The Wizengamot itself had not been assembled yet, but Dolores Umbridge and Albus had taken their respective positions already. Next to Albus, Remus had taken his seat again, and Sirius couldn't express how very glad he was to have his friend with him in this final act. The one person who wouldn't judge him, whatever the mirror ended up showing.

Sirius was being secured to the chair again, the chains wrapping around his arms like snakes. He took a deep breath, fighting down his revolting stomach and trying to keep his face blank. A door at the back of the room opened then, and the members of the wizard court started to file in, led by a serious looking Madam Bones. When Lucius Malfoy appeared, Sirius forced himself not to look away, but Lucius seemed to be unusually uninterested in him today. No thin, silky, lecherous smile was directed at him. Lucius seemed to be all business.

When the court had settled, some looking sceptical, some curious, some even full of expectation, the room fell silent. Much more silent than it had ever been before, since there were no whispers and murmurs coming from an invisible crowd behind him.

''We have come here today on request of the defence, to bear witness to certain memories the defendant has claimed will prove that he is not guilty of the charges made against him.'' Madam Bones spoke in her calm voice, free of any emotion. ''This kind of testimony has never been introduced in a court procedure before. It will remain to be seen how useful it will prove.'' She paused for a moment, and her watchful eyes lay on Sirius, as if she wanted to look behind the surface. But she was no Leglimence. They would need Snape for that. As if the Head of the Wizengamot had indeed been reading his mind anyway, she announced, ''I call Professor Severus Snape, approved Leglimence to this court. Let's get this started, gentlemen.''

Snape came into the room then, his usual sullen and unpleasant self, greeting the assembly with a silent nod. Albus met the wizard's eyes as if in silent communication, then stood up and faced the court with a calm expression.

''I have explained this procedure at great length to you. Whatever doubts there have been for the authenticity of the projected memories, should be erased. So I think we should indeed just get started. Sirius Black has told us, during his interrogation, of what happened in the days leading to that fateful Halloween night in 1981 as well as its aftermath. Professor Snape will concentrate on bringing forward the memories of Mr. Black that will confirm the verity of his recount. Should the Wizengamot feel that there is a need for additional memories to be shown, Professor Snape can try to locate them. I do however ask you to keep in mind that this is a very personal interrogation. So any request should be carefully considered.'' Albus' deep blue eyes silently wandered over the rows of the assembled court. ''Very well. Please, Severus. Do begin.''

-xox-

Harry was sitting in a squashy purple armchair, impatiently swinging his legs. What was taking so long? He had asked Bill, but only got a laugh and a hand ruffling his hair for an answer. They were waiting in a room which was empty apart from the purple chairs arranged around a fireplace. The courtroom was just around the corner. It was only him and Bill, apparently because Harry was the only witness apart from Remus, but Harry wasn't allowed into the courtroom. He really thought that was a bit unfair. He wanted to see Sirius, even if it was from a far. Time was dragging and Harry felt bored out of his mind and horribly nervous at the same time. Bill was probably feeling the same, he'd been sighing a lot in the last half an hour.

So they were both glad when the door opened and Mr. Weasley stepped in with a smile.

''I got off a little earlier after all,'' he said with a smug grin. ''Bill, if you'd rather go home now, I can take over here.''

''Nah, it's alright, I'm free today anyway, and I'd rather avoid Mum right now,'' Bill said chuckling softly. ''But I'm bursting. I'm going to spend a Sickle. Be back in a minute, okay?.''

''Sure, son, no need to hurry. I'm certain this will take quite a bit longer.''

-xox-

Sirius tensed when Snape stepped in front of him, his unreadable obsidian eyes boring into him. He was suddenly glad that they had done a test run yesterday because now he was at least somewhat prepared. Well, as prepared as you could be for someone ransacking your memories and making them a public display.

Snape mumbled a spell but he didn't catch the incantation. Then the Slytherin directed his wand directly at Sirius' forehead once more. His voice was clear and strong.

''Leglimens!''

There was no time to get ready for it, the memories rushed at him in sickening glimpses once more, faster now that Snape knew where he was going. They were snapshots in time. Harry, Remus, James, Regulus... Hogwarts, Grimmauld, Azkaban, Alphard's Cabin... Joy, pain, hope, fear... And then the stream of memories slowed, and he was once more

_...in James and Lily's living room in Godric's Hollow. Sirius held a sleeping Harry on his lap, smiling apologetically at the red-haired witch next to him. He knew the boy should be in bed by now, but Sirius could never get enough. Especially at times like these. _

_Across from him sat an unhappy looking James and an anxious Peter._

_''I don't like it, Padfoot,'' James said. ''I don't like it at all. You will become a target, much more than you are now.''_

_''We are all targets, Prongs, you know that. We are all Bloodtraitors or Muggleborns and Members of the Order.''_

_''But we're not all Blacks,'' James interjected. ''You said it yourself. Your crazy family will never forgive you for going against them. Your head always had a higher prize.''_

_''Well, not anymore! Now it's you he wants, James! You and Lily and _Harry. _You made me his godfather, and I swore to protect him. I promised you, James. I won't go back on it now, just because it might be dangerous!'' _

_''But you'll be hunted! When they really think you are the secret-keeper, they will hunt you down, no matter what, Sirius,'' Lily said softly, her green eyes showing all the fear she had for her family. And Sirius could not have said how much it meant to him that she included him in that._

_''I'm not so easy to take down,'' Sirius took her hand and squeezed it lightly, making her smile a little. ''But this is the reason why I won't be the secret-keeper. That will be Peter. No one will suspect it and, no offence Wormtail, no one will be surprised when he disappears.''_

_''Are you sure you can handle it, Wormtail?'' James looked at Peter uncertainly, ''I know it is a lot to ask.''_

_Peter nodded eagerly. ''Yes. It's what I want. I want to help you, my best friends. I would do anything!'' He blushed a little, ducking his head._

Sirius gritted his teeth. Back then he had thought that Peter was embarrassed over his hero-worship, but really, he had been afraid of being caught in the lie he was selling. How could he not have seen it?

_''Alright,'' Sirius said with a determined face. ''Then let's do it. Tonight.'' He looked down at the sleeping little boy whose little hand was fiercely clutching the front of his robes. ''I won't be able to sleep until you are all safe.'' _

It was almost unbearable to witness the ritual that followed. James binding the secret to Peter, knowing now that the short man would betray it the very next day. He wanted to go back, stop them, rewrite the events that were unfolding in front of his eyes and those of the Wizengamot. But that was impossible of course. The events that had been set in motion that night had found their tragic end shortly after. The story had already been written.

Snape pulled back out of his mind after the Fidelius Charm had been completed, and through the rushing of blood in his ears he could hear the buzzing murmurs of the assembled court. He kept his eyes closed for another moment, feeling dizzy again. He didn't think he would ever get used to these invasions. And before he was able to compose himself, Snape's voice had called the incantation again, and Sirius pressed against the wooden back of the chair, his hands helplessly clawing at the armrests he was bound to.

This time Snape seemed to go slower, and while his stomach was grateful, his mind wanted to push away the memories that became more distinctive. His father... the cellar... Azkaban... he didn't want anyone to see this. It was worse enough that Snape had, but Lucius... Umbridge... the whole Wizengamot... and then

… _he stood in the ruins of Godric's Hollow. The home of his chosen family, where only yesterday he had been laughing with them... _

_James' body, his eyes open and vacant. A sound escaped his throat as he fell to his knees next to his best friend. He stared, unbelieving, denying what couldn't be true. Until he heard the whimpering. Lily lay further, in what had probably been the nursery. Her long red hair was obscuring her features, and for a desperate moment he clung to the hope, when he brushed it back tenderly, only to close his eyes at the stabbing pain when he was met with her dead ones. But there was still this sound... Sirius looked up, crawled further, pushing aside the rubble, until he found Harry's crib. He pulled back the red and gold blanket and was met with huge tearful green eyes. ''Pavoo...'' Harry mewled, reaching out to him with his chubby little arms. The feeling. Oh this feeling of relief and pain, mixing together to an unbearable lump as he pulled the little boy out and towards him, pressing him against him with the rags of the blanket wrapped around him. Feeling Harry clinging to him with the same desperation._

_Sirius cried. He didn't know that he had, but he did. There, in the ruins of all he had loved and tried to protect, he held on to the last remaining thing, the most important of all, to Harry, and sobbed._

Severus spared them the rest, Hagrid showing up, and Sirius handing over Harry to go and find Peter... no, the Slytherin came straight to the point, maybe needing to get it over with himself, and

_Sirius briskly walked down the busy London street, scanning the people around for the miserable rat he had come to murder. It was a sunny day, almost warm for the first day of November. It was early, and there were only a few people on the street. Peter had not been home, but there were no signs of a struggle either. Not that he really had expected any. At first Sirius had not known what to think, or really, he had not wanted to think what he was thinking, but there was no other explanation. The only people who had known that Peter was the secret-keeper had been the four of them._

_And then Sirius spotted him. Right there, in the middle of the street, facing him, looking at him with a scared and desperate expression. _

_''How could you Sirius?'' he cried loudly. ''James and Lily!''_

_What? For a moment that probably only lasted a few seconds but felt like an eternity they stared at each other. Sirius pulled out his wand, but with a suddenly calculating look Peter did the same. Sirius gathered his anger and pain and desperation, the incantation was on his lips..._

_''Avada-'' he hesitated. The street exploded. _

_The blast made Sirius stagger, he was thrown against something staying on his feet though. For a moment he was deaf, his ears ringing, and through the smoke and flames, in between all the sooty rubble and body parts, he saw Peter with an expression he had never seen before. With one flick of his wand he cut off his finger, and then there was nothing but a pile of clothes and a small shadow scurrying away. _

_The street looked like a war zone. People with sooty and bloody faces staggered past him. A bunch of oranges rolled along the pavement in front of him. Sirens and screams were everywhere. And then, with a soft pop, men and women in cloaks appeared all around. Wands were directed at him. _

_''Drop your wand and don't move! Keep your hands where we can see them!''_

_This... what was happening... it was all... James... _

_He started to laugh._

-xox-

It had taken Bill some time to find the right direction to the lavatories, but when he came back to the waiting room and found it empty he was still a little surprised. He had passed the corridor leading to the courtroom, and it had looked like the hearing was far from over. Maybe his father had had to run back to the office and had taken Harry with him. That had to be it. Bill settled back into one of the armchairs with a sigh. It would probably be best to just wait here. He wished he had brought something to read.

-xox-

When Snape pulled out this time Sirius felt so sick he nearly threw up, but only just managed to swallow back the bile. He felt dizzy and disorientated, and for a moment he struggled in his bonds, not realizing where he was. A hand came pressing down on his shoulder, firm and still gentle.

''It's okay, Padfoot, breath, you're okay,'' someone whispered close to his ear. ''Listen to my voice. You are okay.''

Remus.

And Sirius did as he was told, and breathed, gradually relaxing, leaning back in the chair with his eyes still closed. There was a little sound, like a snort, that sounded a lot like Snape, but Sirius didn't care.

After a moment Albus cleared his voice. ''You have witnessed for yourself now what Sirius Black experienced. You saw what happened with your own eyes. It was a memory, of course, and memories always are subjective. But you saw that they were genuine. You heard who became the Potter's secret-keeper and you saw who blew up the street. You saw that Sirius Black had no part in the events other than being a victim himself. You saw that it was indeed Peter Pettigrew who was responsible, who faked his own death, and framed the only man who knew about his crimes. I hope this has convinced those of you who still had doubts. And I am sure that you won't make the same mistake twice and punish an innocent man who has suffered more than enough.''

The murmuring voices of the Wizengamot were growing louder, and finally Sirius opened his eyes to look at the faces, judge what kind of impression he had made on the twenty-five people who held his fate in their hands. There was shock. There was pity. There was compassion. There was also anger and contempt, but that seemed to be... the lesser extent...? And then there was Lucius. Who smiled.

-xox-

When the better part of an hour had passed, Bill had enough. Maybe his father had been wrapped up in something urgent and was waiting for him to take Harry of his hands. Or maybe they had been held up by something. Whatever it was, Bill decided to look for himself. He was starting to get antsy. And he was bored out of his mind.

-xox-

The door closed behind them, and in the very same second Remus had wrapped his arms around his friend, hugging him fiercely, somewhere between tears and laughter. They had done it, he was sure that they had done it. The members of the Wizengamot had been shocked and surprised, but they had also been affected. There had been tears in a few eyes when they had seen Sirius' memory of finding James and Lily's... bodies. Remus swallowed. It had been horrible to see them like this. And it had been almost worse to see Sirius like this. But it had to be enough. It all made sense, the court members had to see that...

In his emotional agitation, it took Remus a moment to notice the stiffness with which Sirius held himself, and he loosened his grip, trying to catch his friend's eye.

''Padfoot?'' Remus studied the ashen face anxiously. ''You okay?''

Sirius nodded, staggering to the table and sinking down on one of the chairs. ''Yeah, just still a little queasy. After the second time I nearly threw up all over the court room. I hate this Leglimency stuff. I hope I never have to do this again...''

''You won't. This was it. And... Sirius, I'm sure-''

''Let's just wait till the verdict, okay?'' Sirius interrupted him. ''I'm not feeling like celebrating in advance.''

''Okay...'' Remus fidgeted, feeling awkward suddenly.

But he knew Sirius was right, and he knew his friend couldn't bear to get his hopes up as long as the out-come was still unsure. With a small sigh Remus sat down across from the pale wizard, preparing for an excruciating wait. They sat in silence for a while, Sirius staring down at the table unseeing, while Remus studied his friend. He was glad to see that his complexion was turning back to a more normal shade, and he wondered how much of his exhaustion came from the physical strain, and how much was due to the events he had revisited and the fear of what else the court might have seen.

There had also been a few glimpses at other, not relevant memories, and Remus hoped that the members of the Wizengamot had not been able to really draw conclusions. But to him it had been painfully clear what those had been about, and it was one thing to hear a story, but something else entirely to get the visuals.

After a moment, Remus reached inside his cloak for his wand and held it out Sirius. The black-haired wizard looked at it with a quizzical frown for a second, but then the corners of his mouth drew up in a small smile and he took it.

''I thought you might want to get your recollection back,'' Remus said with a sentimental smile. ''And didn't I tell you-''

''Yeah, yeah, Snape didn't try anything. It still felt safer this way.''

Sirius rolled his eyes, looking just a shade embarrassed. He absently twirled the wand in his fingers, gazing at the small glass vial Remus now pulled out of his pocket and set down on the table in front of his friend.

''You know, maybe I should wait...'' Sirius said uncertainly. ''The memory, the second one, it's for Harry if I... and we still don't-''

And in that moment the door flew open with a crash.

-xox-

Bill was really starting to get worried now. Something wasn't right. Perkins had been astonished to see him. He said his father had been called out of the office over an hour ago by an Auror because he was needed with Harry and the hearing. He had not been back since then. But his father had not mentioned anything about an emergency... didn't he say he had finished early? And where was he now?

Uncertain what to do now, Bill was pacing the corridor in front of the elevators, when he heard a strange noise coming from what appeared to be a broom cupboard.

-xox-

In a reflex action Sirius dropped his arm to his side, hiding Remus' wand from the view of whoever was disrupting them, and the moment he saw just who that person was, he was very glad about his fast reaction. Archibald Smith stepped inside, closing the door behind him with a strange expression.

''Are they done already?'' Remus asked after a moment, and Sirius was grateful for that too because he didn't seem to be able to find his voice at the moment.

''Really eager are you? What, you honestly think they'll let you go, Black?''

''What do you want, Smith?'' Sirius pressed out.

''What do I _want? _Why, Black, I'm an_ Auror, _you know? It's my job to check that you are a good boy and you don't start stirring up any trouble with your little pet werewolf here.''

''I think if you verify this, Mr. Smith,you will find that your job is just to stand guard,'' Remus said stiffly.

''Yes,'' Sirius agreed with a glare. ''It's a simple enough task which doesn't require any of your verbal diarrhoea. And the best is, you can do it _outside_.'' Sirius made a shooing motion with the hand that wasn't holding the wand.

Smith glared at him through narrowed eyes. ''You'd better be careful and pay a little respect to your betters, Black,'' the Auror sneered, ''Even if they let you go, you are nothing but a failure. What are you going to do? Live off Daddy's money? How impressive! Gonna found an asylum for werewolves and little wizard orphans?''

For a moment Sirius stared at him disbelievingly. ''You know, the broken nose I owe you? Make that an additional broken jaw.''

''Still making threats, Black?'' Smith drew up his eyebrows flippantly. ''Really, and I'm not even the one you need to worry about. Shouldn't you rather worry what happened to your godson?"

''...what's that supposed to mean?''

"You haven't heard?'' the balding Auror gaped at him mockingly, ''Your kid is gone."

''W-what? Gone… where?''

''That is the question, isn't it? What could have happened to the poor little boy? The world is full of perverts after all...''

Sirius' hand clenched around the wand, not noticing how close he was to breaking it. His heart was beating much too fast now, he felt hot and slightly dizzy again. He took a step forward, glaring down at the shorter man. ''What happened? What do you know?'' he pressed out.

''Me?'' Smith widened his eyes in fake innocence. ''I don't know anything... I'm just saying, the kid is gone and no one knows where he is. Vanished since the start of your hearing. Now, what do _you_ think could have happened to him?'' He grinned, which made him look like a maniac. ''Think someone grabbed him? Must have, don't you think? And seems to _me_ that whoever took him must have a rather big interest in him. To go to such lengths... taking him right here in the Ministry.''

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look of helpless horror and desperation.

"And you thought you could protect him, didn't you?'' Smith laughed. ''Well, seems you failed, Black. And not for the first time, is it? Not the first time someone tried to knock off the boy either, is it?'' He chuckled. ''Too bad you are stuck here. By the time you get off your arse the boy will probably be de-"

''Stupefy!''

In the ringing silence after the curse, Sirius lowered Remus' wand staring at the heap of Auror on the floor in front of him, his chest heaving. He had not really thought about it. He had just acted. And he didn't have the time to ponder his action now. All the alarm bells were going haywire in his head.

''Sirius...'' Remus voice sounded faint. ''What... what are you _doing?_''

Sirius slowly turned around and looked at his shocked friend. ''I'm sorry,'' he said quietly, ''I have to go and look for Harry.''

''What? Now! We don't even know if this idiot told the truth! Maybe he just tried to rile you up!''

''It is true. I can feel it. It is true.''

''But... the trial,'' Remus argued miserably, ''you can't... and even if, they would never let you...''

Sirius reached inside his coat and pulled out the package Albus had given him earlier today. The invisibility cloak unfolded, falling into a shimmering drape.

''Sirius...''

''I need to find Harry.''

Sirius kneeled down next to Smith's stunned form, plucking his wand from his stiff fingers. Rising back up, he faced his unhappy and anxious looking friend. Looking him in the eyes, and seeing the multitude of swirling emotions, he held out Remus' own wand to him.

''Are you going to stop me?'' he asked softly.

Remus stared at him for a long moment. Then he shook his head.

''What... how are you...'' he began and then trailed off.

''I will just have to trust my gut.'' Sirius smiled at him sadly. ''I'm sorry, Moony.''

''For wh-?''

''Stupefy.''

Sirius caught his friend before he crashed to the floor and lowered him down gently. ''Sorry,'' he whispered again, ''but I can't let anyone think you let me escape. You know that…'' And then, swinging the cloak around his shoulders, he vanished from view.

When Sirius slowly opened the door and peeked outside, he was surprised to find the corridor empty. He had expected at least two more Aurors outside, but he wouldn't question a good thing.

He only started to do that when he ran straight into a fierce looking group of them in front of the elevators.

-xox-

It was precisely in this moment, in which an invisible Sirius faced a group of Aurors ready for battle, that in another room a piece of parchment was signed, methodically, by twenty-five people. The flourished handwriting read

_We hereby declare Sirius Orion Black, born 12__th__ November 1959, not guilty of all charges…_

TBC

* * *

**There you are. You have your verdict. Now you can give yours! What do you think? Please hit the button and leave a review!**

**-x-**

Thank you all who encouraged, provoked and praised me! YOUR feedback is my reward. Well, and the only reward... ;)Especially to those I can't reply directly:** HebHibHob, Mia, WickedWay **and** soulfulpoet2110**


	22. Protection

**A/N: **I'm getting seriously worried. It seems I killed at least three or four of my regular readers... not good, Zaira... not good at all... Hold on, folks! You know the drill with me... ;)

It's a little bit shorter than the last monster-chapters, but I thought this was an emergency. Lol. So you got a really quick update due to a week of holiday and the fast work of my dear beta, ambush99! Thank you, sweety! Another reason certainly was my dear comrade in arms, jogger, who is like my therapist, critic and cheerleader in personal union! Love you, Sundance! :)

* * *

**Chapter 21 - Protection**

Harry was scared. Harry was definitely scared. Something was very wrong. At first Mr. Weasley had smiled at him, saying that they were going to see Sirius. But then he had not been smiling anymore, and suddenly it was like Mr. Weasley was a whole other person. A person Harry did not know. It was dark, and Harry wanted to go home. He wanted Sirius to come for him, and he was really, really afraid that this time Sirius wouldn't.

-xox-

_There was no feeling of anxiety when Lucius Malfoy made his way to the Ministry for the final hearing held by the Wizengamot to render a judgement against Sirius Black. Anxiety was not in Lucius' nature. He had assessed and considered every turn of events, cool and calculated. He knew what he was doing. And so he stepped out of the green flames of the floo network into the bustling hall of the Atrium with the grace and superiority that came with being a Malfoy. _

_He only spared the eager and excited witches and wizards who had gathered for the spectacle of the Black Trial a fleeting, scornful glance. Silly individuals, who would run in __whatever_ _direction they were led and cry for __whatever_ _they were told to believe. They were of no concern whatsoever to him. But then he saw a tall, black figure in their midst who exuded a much more pronounced air of disgust and contempt than Lucius himself. Severus lacked that certain restraint which had always been an integral part of any Malfoy's education. The Slytherin potions master was clever and quite talented in his occupation, but he had no charm or appeal, and he had a deep settled sense of inferiority, that would always be his downfall. _

_Lucius strode through the hall, parting the crowd with the natural authority of the rich and the powerful. _

_''Severus,'' he called casually, when he was only a few yards from the sullen wizard, ''now, this shouldn't be necessary...'' He gave the witch behind the security desk a silken and superior smile, knowing that it would halt any further questions. There weren't many __people who would dare __object to_ _Lucius Malfoy. ''Come with me, I will bring you to the chamber of the Wizengamot.''_

_Severus didn't object either, even though there was a faint reluctance, palpable in his movements, that amused the blond wizard. _

_''Something wrong, Severus?'' Lucius asked pleasantly._

_The younger wizard shook his head. ''Nothing,'' was the only answer the blond man got. _

_Lucius' lip curled in silent amusement. He was sure that he knew what made Severus uncomfortable. He knew where his fellow Slytherin had been the day before after all. And to a certain extent Lucius felt almost jealous. Strolling through the mind of Sirius Black, looking in all the dark, forbidden corners that the stubborn and proud Gryffindor tried to hide with such fierce determination. What delicious weaknesses and exquisite pain Severus must have been able to watch. Had Severus seen how creative Lucius had been over the years? Had he maybe observed what Lucius had been refused to witness first hand... the strong, punishing hand of Orion Black? Oh, yes, Lucius envied Severus that experience._

_''Did you have fun with my dear cousin yesterday?'' Lucius finally asked, his voice nonchalant, when they travelled down in an otherwise empty elevator._

_There was a moment before Severus reacted, and Lucius was sure it was the time the other wizard needed to bite back a sound of displeasure. _

_''I am sure you are aware of the fact that I don't find his company particularly enjoyable,'' Severus said finally, and his tone held almost no trace of emotion. Yet, it was this lack of reaction that made all the little signs of distress so much more evident._

_''I'm sure it was an interesting experience though,'' Lucius said, still amicable. ''Did you find the memories Albus wants to show us?''_

_''Yes.''_

_''Hmm... that's good, isn't it? And did you find anything... unfavourable?'' For the first time during their conversation, Lucius turned towards the other wizard, piercing him with his icy pale eyes._

_''Not really...'' Severus lip curled in disgust. ''He's just an arrogant, moronic Gryffindor with a hero-complex.''_

_Lucius frowned for a moment, but then let whatever it was that had struck him as strange slide, sure that it was only Severus' unsuccessful attempt to suppress his own carefully nurtured loathing. They had reached the chamber of the Wizengamot now, and Lucius put his hand on Severus' arm in a well-measured touch. _

_''Just remember not to rush. The Wizengamot will need to get a good impression after all.''_

_''I know.''_

_''Good,'' Lucius let his hand linger for a moment before he retracted it. ''I need to attend to a few affairs before we start._ _I'll_ _see you in the court room.''_

_They parted with a silent nod_ _and, only when the door had closed behind Severus, did Lucius allow himself an unrestrained smile. He had laid all his traps and strings, and had placed his pawns well. It was a work of precision and it would be a beautiful sight to see it unfold. The end of the day would see tables turned, enemies destroyed, and what was his would be back where it belonged. _

_Lucius didn't take it well when others took his possessions. And certainly not his only son and heir. Not even when it was that little translucent and incredibly annoying brat, that_ _spectre of a teen who_ _had __eventually_ _become the Dark Lord he had served, __served_ _much more willingly than he had later let on. But Lucius Malfoy was no blind believer like his lunatic sister-in-law. Lucius' loyalty was a matter of __business, __and was given with the prospect of the greatest advantage for himself and the House of Malfoy. And he would remind Tom Marvolo Riddle of that fact as soon as he had the upper hand again. _

_His long, slender fingers touched the two potion vials and the bag of gold inside his cloak. It was time to meet Macnair._

-xox-

If he had taken the time, even just for a second to stop and think, Sirius would have had to admit that he was scared shitless. The fear was dark and overwhelming, looming at the border of his consciousness, and he dared not look at it, afraid that it would freeze him. Harry was gone. Harry was somewhere, alone and scared, and Sirius couldn't stop now, couldn't wait, because there was one thing he would not allow to happen again. He would not be too late this time.

And when he nearly ran into the group of Aurors, their wands out and ready and their eyes watchful, Sirius didn't falter, nor did he curse, at least not out loud. He stood stock-still and for a moment he didn't even breathe. There were about a dozen wizards and witches in front of him. Between him and the elevator he had to reach. Between him and Harry.

''So he attacked Smith. And then what? Did he run?'' a tough looking witch with dark, short-cropped hair asked the tall wizard who stood next to her. Sirius didn't know her, but he knew the wizard all too well. ''Weren't there guards outside? What's going on, Gawain?''

''I don't know.'' Scrimgeour's right hand man, Gawain Robards, said with a small frown. ''All his Patronus said was that he was attacked.''

Sirius sucked in a surprised breath. When had Baldy send off a Patronus? The Stunning Spell couldn't have worn off already, he had just cast it less than five minutes ago. And Smith couldn't very well have sent one before he came into the room, because how would he have known that Sirius was going to attack him and knock him out?

He didn't have the time to rack his brain for an answer right now. The Aurors were advancing in groups of three, and Sirius pressed himself flat against the cold stones of the corridor, holding his breath until they had passed him by and gone on their way, further into the bowels of the dungeons. This left only Robards, the tough looking witch, and another Auror Sirius recognized as Dawlish, the man who could have caught him at the freight yard in Manchester, had he only got the memo that Sirius was an Animagus. That day felt like it had been a hundred years ago.

''You go up and try to find Rufus,'' Robards was saying to the red-haired Auror just now, nodding at the elevator behind them. ''He's probably with the Minister. Tell him we have a situation.''

Dawlish nodded obediently, and Sirius saw, bright and clear, his probably only chance.

It was a matter of seconds. Sneaking past Robards and the witch, slow enough to make no sound, and fast enough to be able to step into the cubicle at the last moment. Sirius tried to breathe as shallowly as possible and was still almost sure that the Auror had to be able to hear his frantically beating heart.

_''What are you doing?'' _Remus' voice echoed in his ear.

He didn't know. He didn't know what he was doing, he was just doing it. But he knew the feeling. The feeling that led him like a light in the dark. The need to protect Harry that filled him and gave his step a strength and certainty that he didn't possess. He had felt like this before, back then when Harry was lost, somewhere out in the blizzard. He had not known where he was going then either, but he had known that it was the right way. This felt the same.

The elevator went up and Sirius cast a last glance at the stone corridor leading down to the large double doors and his place of judgement. This wasn't the time to hesitate.

They were travelling up quickly, but Dawlish was obviously nervous and impatient, and when the cubicle stopped at the third floor and a witch and a wizard tried to get on, he glared at them sternly and told them it was an emergency. The pair of them stepped back, confused and slightly indignant, and Sirius remained the only other passenger with Dawlish, even though the Auror didn't know that. The self-important wizard had done the escapee a huge favour with this, because now Sirius didn't have to worry about someone bumping into him in the tight spot and, after Dawlish rushed out on the first floor on his way to the Minister's office, Sirius was free to travel up one level further to the Atrium.

Because he knew, with absolute certainty now, that Harry wasn't in the Ministry building anymore.

-xox-

_Lucius didn't particularly trust Walden Macnair. What he trusted was the man's bold opportunism though. He was also able to appreciate his cruel and sadistic nature, even though Lucius had always missed a certain finesse in Macnair's actions. He was a bit crude and uncouth, like a battle axe. But he was reliable. Especially if he could be sure that his reliability would pay off nicely. So Lucius could trust that a favourable word with the Minister, who had been just a bit disappointed with the outcome of the first interrogation of Black, as well as a certain bag with __quite a_ _valuable content, would buy Macnair's assistance as well as his silence. _

_They met in the other man's office. No need for dark corners if it wasn't necessary. Lucius handed over the bag and one of the vials and, after Macnair had let the first vanish inside his cloak, he gave the potion that shimmered like liquid quicksilver a glance and drowned it with a grin. _

_It was always fascinating, Lucius thought, and slightly unsettling, seeing oneself not in a mirror but in the features of another person. There were differences, like the smile that wasn't as derisive and confident in its superiority. But it would work well enough. _

_''You know what you have to do. Don't take any chances,'' Lucius told the other wizard, and his mirror-image nodded._

_''Don't worry. I've known you long enough.''_

_''Do you honestly think you can measure up to me, Walden?'' Lucius raised a mocking eyebrow._

_''If you __didn't __trust my ability to do that, I'm sure you would not have asked me for my help with whatever it is you are scheming.''_

_''I don't trust your ability, Walden, I trust the foolishness of those around you,'' Lucius said with dry contempt._

_Macnair laughed. It sounded vulgar coming from the perfectly carved lips, and Lucius curled his mouth, the one that was under his control. _

_''I'll meet you tonight at the usual place,'' he said, cutting the meeting short. He loosened the silver clasp at the collar of his cloak and took it off, handing it to the other man. ''Be careful with it. It is one of my favourites.''_

_''You are a bastard, Lucius.'' Macnair said. ''But I like that.'' He made a move, as if to imply a bow, and left with a strength in his step that would hopefully make the charade believable enough._

-xox-

There were only two possible ways out of the Atrium as far as Sirius knew. One was the old visitor's entrance, which operated by an elevator camouflaging as a Muggle telephone box. That thing was so tight and tiny that he'd never have a chance of staying undetected. The other way was the floo of course. The problem was, he needed a destination for that. A safe destination. Somewhere that wouldn't raise alarms or suspicions immediately. A destination that would not leave an obvious track... and Merlin, he needed to get to Harry.

Only two of the fire places were operating as exits at the moment, and there were lines of people waiting to leave. Sirius had no time to bother or scheme. Search parties might be forming this very moment, coming to stop him. The floo connection might be cut off any second... He bumped into people, and was only glad that the Atrium was so packed that they seemed to simply assume that it had been their next neighbour. But he had to hurry. He sidled to the head of the line and, before the next wizard could make a move, stepped into the flames and whispered the words.

''The Hog's Head!''

Swirling places flashed past him, too fast to make out, and only stopped when he was spat out, stumbling, from a grubby fireplace in a cloud of old ash. Coughing, he glanced around and was immensely relieved to find the place empty, probably not open for business yet. He was about to sneak towards the exit when a curse shot past in front of him, only missing him by an inch, and a growling voice barked,

''Show yourself, you nasty bugger! I know you're there!''

Aberforth's wand was directed at his invisible form, but his eyes were shifting, not sure on what to settle since he could see nothing but an empty space. How... Sirius glanced down and saw the sooty footprints he had left on the muddy floor. He only had a second to decide and Sirius went with his gut. He reached up and pulled the hood down, exposing his face and his shock of tousled black hair.

For a moment he had the satisfaction of seeing a truly stunned expression on the old wizard's face. Aberforth seemed speechless for once.

''Why do I have the feeling that you're not here with the blessing of the morons from the Ministry?'' he said after a moment, taking a deep drag from his wooden pipe, regarding the head of the younger wizard, utterly relaxed again.

''I'm not sure,'' Sirius cleared his throat, ''but you never were slow on the uptake.''

''And why would you come stumbling into my pub all invisible?''

''Harry has vanished. Someone has taken him.'' Sirius swallowed. ''I know he is in danger, and I couldn't wait to explain. I _can't _wait to explain...''

Aberforth nodded, looking serious. ''I'm sorry to hear that about the boy. Do you know who took him?''

''No. But I think I know how to find him. If I hurry.''

Aberforth didn't seem to question that and only calmly puffed on his pipe. ''Shall I cut off the floo for a little?'' he asked with a wry little smile, and Sirius felt a wave of gratitude for the gruff old man.

''You're not open for business anyway,'' he said, tilting his head.

''Ain't that right...'' The rough-looking bartender nodded. ''Well, then you better scurry along, boy.''

And with another nod, which was both farewell and gratitude, Sirius rushed out the door.

_-xox-_

_Lucius was waiting. He would not say that he was waiting impatiently because he would never allow such emotions to affect his actions. He didn't succumb to any show of nervousness, pacing like an animal trapped in a cage. Lucius Malfoy had perfected his ability to control himself at a young age. So he stood calmly in Walden Macnair's office, with his back to the room, watching the display of Muggle London that the charms were putting in front of the window, and waited._

_The next part of the plan would be more difficult to implement. It depended on timing, and not only his own. Every plan became more likely to fail the more people were involved, but Smith had proved to be a bit less dependable than Lucius would have liked. It wasn't that Lucius' skills in regard to the Imperio curse were lacking, it was just that the man was even less intelligent __than Lucius_ _had expected, which meant that the blond wizard couldn't depend on Smith solving any problems that arose on his own. _

_Therefore Lucius had given the balding Auror precise instructions on how to handle Arthur Weasley. Smith was to claim an emergency. Not too specific, he had not been informed of the details and had only been __sent __up to Weasley's office to fetch the red-haired wizard. Something was wrong __with_ _the boy. He was needed down in the dungeons. And Arthur, ever the worried busybody, would run to help with whatever __the problem was__. A scornful smile played around the corners of Lucius' mouth for a moment. Some people were so predictable and therefore so easy to manipulate. _

_When the awaited knock on the door came, on time and in the agreed upon rapid rhythm, Lucius called Archibald Smith in with a small, satisfied smile. _

_''Do you have it?'' he asked, not wasting any time on courtesy that the other wizard wouldn't be able to appreciate._

_Smith handed him a brown and shabby looking cloak. Lucius' lips curled in disgust. He would never be seen wearing a rag like this. And thank Salazar, he wouldn't be __seen __today either. _

_''Any problems?'' he asked, while still studying the miserable piece of clothing._

_''No. He came with me without much trouble. I stunned him from behind, just like you said, and then put him in a broom cupboard.''_

_Lucius frowned. ''Did you hide him properly?''_

_''I- I think so...''_

_Lucius didn't groan. Not out loud. Malfoys didn't do_ _that__. _

_''Alright, now, remember what you have to do next. You will wait until it's time, and then take over the position guarding Black. See to it that you are the only one right there. Send a Patronus to call for help, but delay it. And then you will go and tell Black that his kid has vanished. You need to rile him up. You need to let him get your wand and let him escape. And you need to do this before the verdict is out. When you have him circled, you take him down. Understood?''_

_''Yes, Mr. Malfoy, sir.''_

_''Very good. Now leave.''_

_When the door had fallen shut behind Smith, Lucius pulled out the second potion __vial__, studying the clear blue liquid for a moment before he pulled out the stopper and __downed_ _it in one gulp._

_A moment later a tall red-haired man left Walden Macnair's office._

-xox-

The Hog's Head opened to a narrow side street, and at this hour of the day it was empty apart from a black cat circling the dustbins, toying with a piece of paper with Sirius' name printed on it. On second glance he saw that it was The Prophet's headline of today. _**Final Day of the Black Trial – Mad, Murderous or Misunderstood? **_

Sirius couldn't care less what the answer of the wizard world would be. He felt as detached from it as if he had been born a Muggle these days. And he couldn't care less about the consequences of his actions today, because Harry was in danger. Right now. And he needed to find his son.

All he wanted was... _Harry. _All that mattered was... _Harry. _Where... _somewhere in the dark._ But he didn't know _where_. And he couldn't think. He tried to breathe calmly, but desperation threatened to drown him like the icy sea. He tried to fight against the fear that seemed to choke him. He didn't know. He didn't know where Harry was. And he needed to find him. Needed to. _Needed _to. And what if he couldn't? What if it didn't work like that? And he couldn't allow himself to panic. If he gave in to the feeling of utter terror that crept up his limbs, closing in on his very soul...

_Or maybe that is what you need to do. This is not about the mind. This is just about the heart._

The precipice was right there in front of him. And the cliff above the darkness was so impossibly high. And there was no one else. There was just Sirius. Alone. And the abyss of fear. _Harry. _Sirius closed his eyes and let himself fall, head first, into the darkness.

-xox-

_Arthur Weasley entered the waiting room where his eldest son and Harry Potter were waiting for the hearing to come to an end. At least it seemed like that to those present. The Potter boy looked up eagerly, almost jumping from his seat, and the young red-haired wizard gave him a relieved look as well. The man, who wasn't Arthur Weasley, smiled. And when the long-haired teenager left to seek another kind of relief, he __could_ _have __almost_ _laughed. Really, this was much too easy._

_''Will the hearing be over __soon__?'' the small boy asked. ''Can I see Sirius now__?'' _

_The man smiled at the boy pleasantly. ''Of course you can, Harry. In fact you can see him right now.''_

_''I can?'' the small face lit up as if he'd been promised a hundred birthday presents._

_''You sure __can. I have arranged for you to meet him, but we have to go now and hurry.''_

_''Okay,'' the boy nodded earnestly. ''But what about Bill?''_

_''Oh, Bill will come later, he knows where we're going.''_

_''Oh. Okay.''_

_The man reached out his hand, and Harry took it. And then the man who looked like Arthur Weasley walked out of the room and out of the Ministry building with the Boy-Who-Lived and no one took much notice._

-xox-

He was pushed through a tiny dark space with nothing but his fear. No breath. No orientation. Just fear. And then the tiny space opened, and he was thrown with full force into something solid and magical and dark. He was hurled through the air in free fall, and the sky was on the floor, and he rose up to the ground at impossible speed. He pulled up his arms instinctively to protect himself, and then he crashed into the hard wall, and all breath was knocked out of him.

The wall was under him now, and it was cold and wet and it hurt. Sirius tried to pry his eyes open, tried to breath, but that hurt too. There was a glimpse of a high and mighty iron gate, and then everything went fuzzy and turned to black as Sirius' consciousness lost the fight.

-xox-

Remus was no crier. Too much hardship had met him in his life, and much too young. But as he lay on the cold stone floor of the ante chamber of the courtroom, unable to move, unable to speak, just breathing slowly and shallowly, a tear ran down his cheek to vanish into his greying hair.

His chest hurt, although he had not suffered any bodily harm. Sirius had cursed him, and grabbed him, and had laid him down gently, murmuring how sorry he was. And Remus believed him. But once more Sirius had decided to do it on his own, and Remus was left behind with his worries and fears.

Harry had vanished, and Sirius had gone after him, breaking every rule that had been laid down for this second chance that he'd been given. And Remus understood that he couldn't have done anything else, not Sirius, but why couldn't he trust Remus to have his back? Why couldn't he allow him to stand by his side? Why did he have to leave him behind, when all he wanted was to protect his pack? Deep down in his consciousness the wolf howled in rage at being confined. Remus stared at the ceiling of stone, and hated Sirius Black.

-xox-

Lucius Malfoy was a very satisfied man, pleased that things had finally turned out exactly as he planned. The Potter boy had been so easy to take, it was almost laughable. Dumbledore's precious little hero, and all it had taken was a spot of Polyjuice.

The boy had known that something was wrong as soon as they arrived at Malfoy Manor, but Lucius had simply ignored the increasingly anxious questions and whining. He had led the still unresisting boy up to the room he had prepared especially, with the strongest wards black magic could build, and locked him up there before his own face started to change back to the refined features of a Malfoy. At first the little boy had called for 'Mr. Weasley' but soon that had become the pitiful cries for the boy's godfather. Tentative at first, then more and more desperate and increasingly annoying. But that too had stopped now, and when Lucius had checked a few minutes ago there had been nothing more than a soft sniffling coming from inside the room. At least the boy seemed intelligent enough to understand that his godfather wasn't able to hear him. If all had gone well, Black was already dead or at least back in Azkaban.

Lucius leaned back in his favourite armchair to wait for the good news.

But only a few seconds later he was up on his feet again when a crash shook the wards of the manor and they flared up, magic straining to hold off an attack that was surprisingly strong. What the hell had happened? Furiously, the blond wizard turned to his Foe-Glass, but the moment he saw the sprawled figure lying outside the gates of Malfoy Manor the victorious smile was back on his features, and with a speed that he seldom displayed Lucius stormed out of the room and down to the entrance hall.

He had no idea how Sirius Black had done it, but the moron had obviously escaped and then tried to apparate into the manor. The wards had knocked him out though. And Lucius was a man who recognized an opportunity when he saw it.

-xox-

Harry was locked up in the dark. He had been so before, in the cupboard at the Dursleys, when he had been bad. Had he been bad now? Had he done something wrong? No one had said anything... Even the man who looked like Mr. Weasley had just ignored his questions. He had said they were going to see Sirius, but Harry was sure now that Sirius wasn't here. Because Sirius would have answered him. He would. He wouldn't leave Harry in a place like this, that was dark and scary.

But why had Mr. Weasley lied? Harry didn't understand it, didn't understand what was going on, and that scared him even more. Had something happened to Sirius? Was that why Mr. Weasley had not answered him? That thought cut through Harry like a knife. He couldn't bear thinking it.

He felt so lost and very alone inside this dark and foreign room. Mr. Weasley had led him through what looked like the palace of a king, with ceilings so high that they made you dizzy, and floors that were so shiny they seemed to reflect Harry's shape. But something felt not right about this place, although Harry couldn't say what it was. But it made his skin tingle, and his head was hurting badly. And when Mr. Weasley had pushed him into a dark room and locked the door behind him, Harry had started to feel really, really scared. He had called, first for Mr. Weasley, but soon for the person he really wanted. His godfather, who loved him and would always come for him when Harry was hurt or scared. But there was no answer. Sirius couldn't hear him. Because he wasn't there. Harry really tried to be brave and not cry then. But when he sat down against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest, burying his head in his arms, he couldn't suppress the sniffle, and soon the sleeve of his shirt was rather wet.

He tried to think good thoughts, about Sirius and about being happy, but that seemed so far away now. It seemed like years ago that he'd been all excited about this day. About seeing Sirius and being together again. Although Harry knew it probably had only been an hour or two. He had thought Mr. Weasley would take him to Sirius, and they had travelled through the narrow tube, like he had done before with Remus. But now he didn't know where they were. He didn't understand what had happened or what the man who looked like Mr. Weasley wanted from him. Because deep down Harry knew that the man wasn't Mr. Weasley at all.

And then the room shook slightly, and Harry cried out in shock, and there, just for a second Harry was sure that he could hear Sirius calling for him.

-xox-

_**TOP NEWS**_

_~Daily Prophet Special Edition~_

_**Black Escapes Before Acquittal * Harry Potter **__**Vanished**_

_Many witches and wizards had come to the Ministry of Magic today to witness the final verdict in the controversial and highly discussed Black Trial against_ _supposed mass-murderer Sirius Orion Black__. Black__, 29, __had spent_ _seven years in the wizard prison Azkaban and was the first to escape the high security facility last summer._

_Now it seems as if Black has pulled another stunt. After the last hearing of the trial this morning, in which a new method had been implemented to question the defendant, Black escaped from the holding room, where he awaited the verdict of the Wizengamot with the __assistant of the defence__, Remus Lupin, a known werewolf and friend of Black's. Black stunned Lupin and Auror Archibald Smith and then vanished from the building, under inexplicable circumstances __and to_ _unknown whereabouts. An Auror Squad that Smith managed to call for help apparently arrived too late, and only found the two cursed wizards._

_Curiously enough, the Wizengamot had just signed an acquittal for the criminal __at __that moment (for more see page 2), __although he_ _probably never learned of this before he made a run once more. _

_But Black is not the only person missing. Young Harry Potter, well-known as The-Boy-Who-__Lived, vanished __around the same time from the Ministry building where he was to attend the rendition of judgement against Black with his guardian Arthur Weasley. Harry Potter has already been kidnapped once by Black from the house of his Muggle aunt and uncle. Black claims to be the boy's godfather, and seems to have a strong influence on the eight-year-old, who lived with the convict for almost four month after his abduction._

_Another strange aspect is that Arthur Weasley was found by his eldest son, William Weasley, in a broom cupboard outside his office. The Ministry employee had apparently been put there after being stunned from behind. Weasley claims that Auror Smith had called upon him, a fact that has been confirmed by his colleague Perkins, because of an emergency, and is_ _insistent_ _that it was Smith himself who cursed him. Smith has denied this. Even more mysteriously, Arthur Weasley __had_ _been seen at the same time by quite a few Ministry employees, with none other than the vanished Harry Potter._

_Head of the Auror Office Rufus Scrimgeour, who has already cut a poor figure in the hunt for __Black, affirmed to __our reporter that his department would investigate __what happened_ _and resolve the many questions that are left unanswered. The involved wizards were taken into custody. A questioning under Veritaserum is not ruled out. _

Albus Dumbledore put the paper down with a sigh. They had to act quickly now but also with the utmost caution. Cornelius was already trying to pin the whole thing on Sirius, seeing an opportunity to claim that he had been right about the young wizard all along.

Of course, from Bill Weasley's recount, it was quite clear that Harry had been gone long before Sirius' hearing had ended. Not that the fact that Sirius had the whole Wizengamot as an alibi seemed to faze the Minister. Archibald Smith's role in the tide of events seemed to be crucial, but Albus had not yet had the opportunity to speak to the Auror himself. He knew that there had been a dislike between the man and Sirius, but that seemed hardly enough motivation for someone who didn't even seem capable of orchestrating these events.

But Remus had told him what had happened before Sirius had run off, how Smith had known that Harry had vanished, and how he had obviously tried to provoke the wizard he was guarding. Another mysterious fact was that Gawain Robards said that he had been informed of Sirius' escape by Smith's Patronus. When had the Auror been able to cast that spell?

Sirius had of course escaped under the invisibility cloak, but Albus was not likely to notify the Minister or Rufus Scrimgeour about this fact. Much more important was that they found Harry, something Sirius was probably trying to do on his own right now. Albus heaved another sigh. While he admired Sirius' courage and obvious love for his godson, he did wish the boy would stop and think for a minute before he sprang into action. But even more he wished that Sirius would indeed be successful and that both he and Harry would be safe.

-xox-

Having fallen into an exhausted slumber, Harry woke up with the quiet sound of shuffling. A sound, Harry's frightened mind was sure of it, that had come from inside this room. Someone was in here with him. With his heart hammering against his ribs, Harry tried to breathe shallowly, keeping his eyes pressed close and his head buried in his forearms, holding on to the childish notion that if he couldn't see whoever was there, he wouldn't be seen either.

After a few eternal seconds there was a sound like a match being lit, and the darkness behind Harry's eyelids became a little lighter. Taking hold of all his courage, he tried to peek from the corner of his eye, opening just to a tiny little slit. In the light of half a dozen candles, Harry could see a bedroom, adorned with a huge fourposter, a chest of drawers and a mirror that reflected the whole room, which looked like it belonged in a different world of fairy tales, in an eerie way.

But what really made Harry gasp was the blond boy, just about his age, who sat on the edge of the bed, watching him. Caught by surprise, Harry opened his eyes fully, raising his head to stare at the boy, who smiled at him shyly. For a long moment neither of them said anything.

''W-who are you?'' Harry finally managed a whisper.

The boy's smile became a bit brighter. ''I am Draco. I live here.''

TBC

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**-x-  
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**Reviewers Anonymous****: ****ctara:**I'm a bit surprised about your review. You say that the story has one let down after the other and is depressing because there is always something negative happening. I wonder why you are still reading it. The twentieth chapter of the sequel. A story that is marked as hurt/comfort/suspense. I'm sure by now you should have realized, that this story is not meant to be an everybody-is-happy-and-the-sun-always-shines story. If you are looking for some kind of The Waltons version of Harry and Sirius' life, I doubt this story will be satisfying for you in the next chapters. Or ever really. I'm really not sure what to tell you. It's a story about people who have suffered. Making everything alright in an instant would be worse in my book, because it's like saying that what happened to them never mattered. I think I have given Harry and Sirius a break in this story more than once. But what you are looking for is the happily ever after. And that won't happen in the middle of the plot. Sorry. **HebHibHob: **Seems I put you through a roller-coaster of emotions. Sorry for killing you! I hope you are okay though? ;) **D: **Thank you! Glad you liked the realism and especially little Harry :) **Pansy: **Thank you! Hope that didn't hurt. ;) **Jessalyn Thomas: **You are right, not all chapters contained the trial. It's only one plot line of the story after all. I don't think the flow would have been better if the trial had been handled in four or five consecutive chapters, quite the contrary. But it was never an option since there simply is too much happening in between. Anyway, the trial is pretty much done now, so I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the plot! **Soulfulpoet2110: **I hope I could meet your expectations with this one. And sorry about the cliffhanger. I have a bit of a reputation there. ;) There have been questions whether there will be a third story. Right now I just want to finish this one. I have a few ideas, but I will only write a follow up when I feel I have a story to tell. **Mia: **Thank you, honey! I'm glad I don't have your death on my conscience! ;) And happy to hear I am able to surprise. :) **read addiction: **Oh, you are too kind... I honestly am blushing humbly, trying to get my smile under control. Thank you. It's wonderful to see appreciation. It's lovely to hear that you created something that is thoroughly enjoyed, and that is seen as original. I can't tell you how happy your review made me! **Merlinspants: **Welcome! And thank you so much for your praise! If I heard it before, I still love it! Very glad to hear I exceeded your expectations. :)


	23. Faith

**A/N: Good news first. ****No. I haven't been hit by a bus.** Although that *could* have happened, since my eyelids keep dropping while I'm walking home from the train station these days. So better keep your fingers crossed! So it took a little longer. Which is so not my fault. In fact I start to contemplate conspiracy theories, but then that could just be my sleepless mind... Self-employment can be a bitch. Yeah. I promise... well, I do promise to try really hard to not let you wait so long again. How's that? Of course, you could always go and read Shadow of a Doubt... If you were bored or anything. Just a suggestion.

So, what's the bad news? Well, I'm off to Africa in a few days. I'll be back in the middle of October, hopefully relaxed and refreshed and bursting with creativity. So while I'm seeking adventure, you'll have to wait a little for the next update - I know! But I have, like, a really valid reason this time! Since I'm sure lack of time, sleep and the ability to form a coherent sentence doesn't really count...

So, coming to an end here, THANK YOU, you few and faithful, who stick with me and this story! Your feedback and enthusiasm is the reason I'm still writing and probably will never be able to stop. I love every single one of you!

Like always, I owe much gratitude to my dear beta, ambush99. Thank you, darling!

Like always, Sundance, for you! :)

* * *

**Chapter 22 - Faith**

Everything hurt. But at least he was breathing. Breathing hurt too, but it was something Sirius could concentrate on for the moment, something to take his mind away from the all-consuming pain. After a few moments the pain settled down in his left side, his temple and in his wrists. His wrists... Sirius felt a half-insane laugh rising from his chest, a laugh that became something between a moan and a sob. Laughing with broken ribs was always a bad idea. But right now his ribs were not his priority. The shackles around his wrists were.

With a feeling of trepidation that he tried to push back deep inside, Sirius slowly opened his eyes. His sight confirmed what the distinct smell and the damp air had already made him suspect. He was in a dungeon. Rough stones, darkened by soot and mould. A single torch on the opposite wall which was shedding only a dancing gloomy glow on its surroundings. Not that there was much to illuminate. The cell, because that's what it was, was small and bare. The only thing of interest was the iron studded door to his left, leading to the unknown.

Sirius had no idea where he was but he knew where he wasn't. This wasn't a holding cell in the Ministry. This was nowhere in the Ministry at all. Not with the engraved serpents on the door or the feel of dark and old magic which seemed to ooze from the walls themselves and felt much too familiar. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, his instincts telling him that this place was the home of an old Pureblood family, and that this dungeon was a place where you could die in without anyone ever being the wiser. For a brief moment, he wished he had been captured by the Aurors.

Pulling on his chains was more a reflex, or maybe a hopeless sign of defiance, he wasn't actually expecting them to give. They didn't, and Sirius had to fight back the feeling of anger and desperation and nausea at being restrained again, at being controlled, at not knowing where he was and where Harry was and whether he was alright. Sirius closed his eyes and tried to feel for his godson, tried to reach out, but he couldn't feel anything. Where before had been a vague but distinct feeling of fear and darkness, there was now nothing at all, and Sirius tried very hard, and absolutely futilely, not to panic and not to imagine the worst.

-xox-

On the other side of the mansion, separated by old stones and even older spells, Harry looked uncertainly at the blond boy who had miraculously appeared while he was asleep and was now sitting on the bed across the room, studying him. Somehow the boy seemed familiar but Harry was almost certain that he had never met him before. He didn't know what to make of him, although he had to admit he felt slightly better now that he wasn't alone in a dark and scary room anymore. He had no idea what was going on. He just really wished his head would stop hurting.

The boy, Draco, watched him curiously, as if he was expecting Harry to say something, and it was only then that it occurred to him that he had not given his own name in return.

''I- I am Harry,'' he whispered after a moment. ''I think... I think I might have been kidnapped.''

Draco's eyes widened as he looked at him. ''Really? Why would you think that?'' he asked sounding honestly confused.

Harry hesitated. ''I was supposed to meet my godfather, but he isn't here. And I got locked in this room.''

It seemed like a good argument.

''Well your godfather could be on his way, couldn't he?'' the boy asked, raising one thin blond eyebrow. ''We often have visitors.''

''You h-have?'' Harry asked weakly as a tiny little bit of hope filled his chest. Maybe...

''Of course. Our family is very important.''

''But I...'' _was scared, _Harry had wanted to say, but he was afraid the other boy would laugh at him. ''I called for him. And Mr.- the man who brought me here said Sirius would be waiting for me.'' And if Sirius _was_ here, he would never ignore Harry. Not when he was so scared. He would come and make it all better.

''Maybe he has important business,'' the other boy said knowledgeably. He looked totally unconcerned. It made Harry wonder if he had maybe over-reacted, and he bit his lip. Maybe there had been a delay? Had he been stupid and selfish to expect Sirius to come running immediately?

''You can't expect him to always come and coddle you, can you?'' Draco almost scoffed. ''My dad often has important business.'' He shrugged. ''That's okay. I'm not a baby.''

Harry bowed his head when a shameful blush crept up his cheeks. Draco probably thought that he, Harry, was a baby because he had been whining and crying for his godfather. He felt stupid and there was a sick sensation in his stomach. Something didn't feel right, but he couldn't say what it was. His head hurt and he wanted Sirius to be there. But he wasn't sure at all if that wasn't because he was weak and pathetic...

''So... do you know why I'm here?'' Harry finally asked uncertainly.

Draco shrugged again. ''Maybe your godfather will come later to pick you up? Like I said, we often have visitors.'' Then he smiled. ''But they are mostly boring adults. I think you will be a lot more fun.''

There was a strange glint in his eyes, although that might have been just the light. Harry tried to smile back, but the result was rather wobbly. ''But I thought... I think I was supposed to be somewhere else,'' he whispered, headache and confusion clouding his mind.

''Don't worry. I'm sure it will be alright. Adults don't always explain everything, do they?''

''Sirius does.''

''Then I'm sure he will,'' Draco said, jumping up from the bed, the topic apparently settled to his satisfaction. He went to a door Harry hadn't seen before, which probably led to an adjoining room. Opening it he turned to Harry with a superior look. ''You should sleep on the bed for the rest of the night, you know? It's much more comfortable.''

Then he was gone, the door closing behind him. Harry eyed the huge bed uncertainly but then went over and gingerly sat down. Maybe tomorrow he would wake up and Sirius would already be there? Holding on to that little ray of hope, Harry hesitantly crawled under the covers. Curling in on himself he pressed his eyes close and concentrated hard on this single thought. Tomorrow Sirius would come and pick him up and then they would leave and go home together.

-xox-

Dusk was already settling over the grounds of Malfoy Manor, when Lucius stepped back into his office from the marble fireplace with a newspaper and an extra cloak in his hand. The Ministry seemed to be in upheaval, frantic but clueless in their search for Black as much as for little Harry Potter, and contrary to all evidence, the Minister seemed to favour the theory that Black had kidnapped his godson once more. Since Scrimgeour wasn't as obtuse as his boss, he was trying to investigate in another direction but Lucius had covered his tracks well and the chaos was perfect. He allowed a satisfied little smirk to graze his features, calling for the house elf to take his cloak and bring him a glass of his favourite vintage elf wine.

Settling down in his customary armchair, he allowed his thoughts to drift off to his prisoner down in the dungeons. What a lovely turn of luck. He had tried to convince himself that knowing the younger wizard would perish in the very place his worst nightmares dwelt, haunted for the rest of his days, would be enough. But now that he was his, now that Lucius finally had him where he had always wanted, the thought of breaking him once and for all sent an excited flutter through his normally so cold mind. He swirled the wine in the long-stemmed glass, watching the dark red catch the light of the fire. Oh, how he wanted to make him bleed. It was too tempting, too delicious, not to indulge.

''Sirius Black...'' he whispered into the darkness, savouring the name as he had savoured the pain.

''Why don't you just kill him?'' a bored voice asked from the shadows.

Lucius stilled but didn't turn around. ''What is it to you?'' he asked, sounding equally disinterested.

''I'm just curious,'' the speaker stepped into the light of the fire, and Lucius could see his arrogant smirk. ''Didn't you say he was dangerous? That he could destroy our plans?''

''He would have been if he had been running free,'' Lucius said annoyed. ''But since he was stupid enough to come to me all on his own there is no place where he would be in better hands.'' He let a small smile play over his features.

''It just makes me wonder what he has done to you, to cause such a strong _interest_?'' the teenager asked with faked concern. ''Did he reject you?''

This time Lucius _did_ turn around, piercing the ghostly form of Tom Riddle with an icy glare, his face a mask of cold superiority. ''What you are implying is nonsense. I am a married man. I don't have and never have had any desire towards that obstreperous boy.''

''If you say so,'' the pellucid teenager said with a shrug, but the mocking was evident in his voice. ''Your obsession with him is definitely peculiar though.''

Lucius took a sip of the wine before he continued. ''Well, don't get me wrong, I _will _kill him. But only when the time is right.''

''Is that before or after you've buggered him?''

''It is after _you _have managed to claim the soul of the boy,'' Lucius snapped. ''I told you they have a weird connection, and I'm quite certain it goes both ways. That boy will know it when we kill Black, and how would you then get him to open up to you?''

''I managed with your brat.''

''Only so much. And that boy is different. The key to him is Black.''

Tom regarded him with that haughty expression that the blond wizard had grown accustomed to. ''Potter is so gullible it is almost pathetic. It won't take long to claim him.''

Lucius raised one questioning eyebrow. ''You seem quite sure of that.''

Tom sneered. ''Well, I am sure _I _won't have to try for nearly twenty-five years.''

Lucius didn't rise to the bait, and only looked at the teenager with something close to exasperation. ''There is something to be said for taking your time to savour the kill. But don't worry,'' he added with mock leniency, ''you will - or you did at least - learn that in the future.''

Tom glared at him, and Lucius was amused to see how much the face, which had become ageless and devoid of any expression except cold disdain and cruelty in his later years, flared with the anger of a short-tempered teenager.

''You should thank me for that,'' Tom said acidly, ''after all it is your son, who really can't afford for me to dawdle.''

''Then maybe you should be somewhere else.''

Tom's glare got even sharper. ''I will need the book.''

''You'll get it when it's time.''

Suddenly the eyes that pierced him were hard and much too old for the face they rested in. ''Don't forget what this is about, Lucius,'' Tom warned him in a dangerous tone. ''It's not that bastard in the dungeons.'' And with a last sneer, the pale ghostly form melted into the shadows.

Lucius leaned back in his chair with a satisfied smirk. He was not a man to lose sight of a well laid out plan. But that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy this new and most fortunate turn of events, while the annoying brat was busy sucking the life out of little Harry Potter. It would be his own little project. Who could blame him if he couldn't suppress the feelings of gleeful anticipation at the thought that he would be the one to complete the destruction of everything that was Sirius Orion Black? After all he had taken so much satisfaction in every step on that way and every little part he had taken in it up until now.

_Lucius had reluctantly agreed to attend one of his mother-in-laws' awfully boring tea parties. It was an unusually warm spring day and the house elves had set the table in the garden under the shade of an old oak tree. Stepping outside Lucius saw that the other side of the Black family had also been invited, and his mood lifted immediately. In mere seconds his cruel eyes had found his new cousin, sitting stiffly in a corner and trying to keep his face blank. Still, Lucius could read the disgust and anger like an open book. _

_During the next hour he had amused himself with forcing the defiantly glaring teenager into polite conversation, dropping lewd comments that no one else would be able to identify. He could see Sirius' hands tremble slightly and he noticed a faint tinge in his pale cheeks, although he wasn't sure whether it was due to anger or humiliation. Whatever it was, in the end Sirius jumped up from his seat, storming off into the house without a word of explanation. _

_It was just a little later, after they had all relocated into the parlour, that Orion Black stopped Lucius in the Hall outside. Sirius' father was a tall man, elegant with his thick and expensively cut black hair which was only disturbed by a single silver streak. There was an undeniable resemblance to his eldest son, but Orion was broader and lacked that natural noblesse that his heir wore with the carelessness of a street tramp. Orion looked like an expensive, carefully sharpened sword, always ready to strike. _

_''Lucius. I would like to speak with you for a moment.''_

_''Of course, sir.'' Lucius inclined his head._

_Orion came straight to the point, his dark eyes boring into the younger man. ''What business do you have with my son? I can't help but remember you were also involved in that scene last Christmas.''_

_'What do you mean Mr. Black?'' Lucius asked him carefully._

_Orion's eyes narrowed. ''You know what I mean. That disgustingly childish and disrespectful behaviour he displayed at the family dinner. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming you for that. But it seems to me that you know something about it.''_

_''Oh... ah, yes,'' Lucius fidgeted like he was uncomfortable. ''I'm really sorry, Mr. Black. You see, I might have teased Sirius a little bit with his...ehm...''_

_''With his what? I'm not in the mood for riddles, boy.''_

_''Well, his sexual preferences... if you know what I mean?''_

_Orion stilled. He stared at Lucius, and it seemed to take an eternity until he blinked._

_''And what would you know about the sexual preferences of my son, Mr. Malfoy?'' he asked, perfectly calm and without any hint of emotion._

_''Oh, it's not really a secret, is it?'' Lucius said, widening his eyes in surprise. ''I mean at Hogwarts everybody knows about him and his friends. And that Sirius likes to... ehm... well... you know.'' He grinned, although he pretended to make an effort at hiding it._

_''No, Mr. Malfoy, I'm afraid I don't,'' Orion said icily. ''Would you please enlighten me?''_

_Lucius smiled. _

_''Well, I didn't want to be so crude, but... that he likes to stick his arse up. Sir.''_

Lucius had seen the cold fury in the older man's eyes when he listened to the seductive story of his son, the whore, who serviced men in any possible way. But not even the master manipulator that Lucius would become in the next decade could have anticipated the outcome when he parted with Orion that night.

Because the next thing he had heard was that the eldest son of the powerful Black family had been shunned and disowned. His younger brother Regulus was to be the next in line as Head of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black and Sirius' name was not to be spoken anymore. It was a scandal that was officially ignored and endlessly gossiped about in private tea parlours and smoking rooms. All those people who had once looked at the little dark-haired kid impressed and maybe even benevolent, now shook their heads in disgust and in pity for his family. Lucius took it all in with no more than a twitch of his eyebrow, but inside he was smiling like a Cheshire Cat. Sirius Black, Heir of the House of Black, had fallen to end up in the gutter. Lucius had finally won. Or so he had thought.

But like the alley cat he had become, Sirius fell on his feet. Taken in by the Potters, it seemed like he had actually found something akin to happiness. He graduated as one of the best in his year in Hogwarts and was accepted for Auror training. One of his crazy relatives had apparently left him a generous amount of gold, giving him financial independence, if not riches, and half of the wizard population, both male and female, seemed to be drooling over his good-looks and reckless charms. Even though he was the antithesis of everything that Lucius found desirable, he couldn't ignore the fact that Sirius Black was starting to make a name for himself all of his own, and that he was doing it by spitting in the face of those who had ostracised him. And Lucius loathing for the defiant and impertinent boy only grew.

When he was sent to Azkaban Lucius finally found some form of satisfaction, but against all odds that too proved to be not enough to bring Black down. Now Lucius had him at his mercy, and the familiar feeling of wanting to squash that boy who still dared to defy him was overwhelming. It wasn't enough to kill him. Lucius would not be satisfied until Sirius Orion Black was truly destroyed.

-xox-

After agonizing hours of pain and worry and thoughts chasing each other, biting their tails, the door to Sirius' cell was pushed open, and a tall, immaculately dressed man entered, his pale blond hair almost glowing even in the gloom of the dungeons. Sirius wasn't really surprised to see who his captor was. The situation did feel awfully familiar. He tried to stand tall in his shackles, not giving away any kind of weakness, and glared at the other wizard with fierce grey eyes.

''Where is Harry?'' he asked. At least his voice sounded steady.

Lucius raised one elegant eyebrow. ''What makes you think I would know the whereabouts of your skinny brat?''

Sirius raised his own eyebrow in mocking imitation. ''Maybe because I went looking for him and ended up in your cellar?'' He really had no time for Lucius' games.

Lucius mouth curled into a haughty sneer. ''You apparated right into my wards, Black. I just did my duty and confined an escaped, dangerous criminal.''

His face didn't give away any emotional reaction, but Sirius' mind was running a mile a minute while adrenalin was pumping through his body. He didn't give a damn about the verdict of the Wizengamot, and obviously Lucius didn't either or he wouldn't be here but in a Ministry holding cell.

But more than that Sirius was sure that his destination had not been accidental. He had _felt _Harry. Right until he lost consciousness outside the gates of what must have been Malfoy Manor, he had _felt _him. He was sure. But now that feeling, that connection, seemed broken or muffled, maybe by the old, dark magic of his surroundings. So he might not know what this was all about, but he was sure of two things: Harry was here, and Lucius was lying.

''You did not actually think they would let you go, did you?'' Lucius went on when Sirius didn't rise to his bait. ''Not even you would be so delusional. Everyone in that courtroom knew what you are, _Sirius_. The same thing you have always been. A pathetic piece of worthless scum.''

Sirius couldn't help but roll his eyes. ''You know this is really getting kind of old. You gonna tell me how I could never match up to the great Lucius Malfoy, Death Eater Extraordinaire? The mighty heir of the House of Malfoy, who had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to serve an insane, _half-blood _mass-murderer?'' He smiled grimly through his teeth. ''The wimp who was brave enough to claim he had been controlled by the Imperio curse when a tiny little toddler got his glorious master killed?''

Lucius looked at him full of disdain. ''An unfortunate and unpredictable outcome. But you wouldn't understand my motivation. You never had any pride or any vision after all,'' he stated with a sneer. ''You were given all the advantages and privileges the wizarding world has to offer. And look where you ended up.''

''I ended up here, because people like _you _and your damn _vision _took everything I ever cared about from me!'' Sirius hissed furiously. ''I was doing very well without you and your stupid Pureblood lot, priding yourselves in something you never lifted a finger to achieve! I didn't need your vision! I had two eyes and a brain, and they served me splendidly! I could detect bullshit from two miles against the wind and your Voldemort was so full of it, he was rank!''

The rational part of his brain told him that riling up his captor might not be the best idea, but Sirius had never been very good at controlling his anger. And if Lucius took offence at his words, he did not show it. Instead, he smiled.

''You might get the opportunity to tell him that yourself,'' he said, and the wry amusement in his voice threw Sirius for a loop. This wasn't the reaction he had expected at all. ''But then again, this really isn't about the Dark Lord, in any form or shape,'' Lucius went on conversationally. ''This really is just about you and me. Isn't it?''

''Why, Lucius,'' Sirius drawled, desperately trying not to reveal the fear that had pierced him at the idea of Voldemort being... somewhere, anywhere, maybe even near Harry. ''I never knew you felt that way about me.''

''That would be because you never listen to your superiors,'' Lucius said, and his look reminded Sirius of a snake just before it strikes. ''I told you before what a great pet you make, didn't I? Maybe I should remind you.'' He studied Sirius in silence for a moment, a mocking smile slowly curling his lips. ''You really do look good in shackles.''

The smile was cruel, but in his eyes... in his eyes there was a glimmer of something that Sirius thought looked almost like lust, and it was that part that he could never understand because he was sure that Lucius didn't even swing that way. He tried not to wince, tried not to look away or appear like anything but the cocky and self-assured bastard he had always been so good at projecting to the world. But when Lucius made a step forward, raising his gloved hand to stroke the back of his fingers down Sirius' cheek, an old and ugly panic threatened to consume him. But he could not let himself fall into that abyss. He could not let himself break. With all the strength he could muster he turned his eyes on Lucius.

''Where is Harry?''

-xox-

In another cell, or a room that did much to resemble such, a weary werewolf rubbed his strained eyes. Remus couldn't believe how everything had gone to hell so quickly. The whole situation felt like a horrible deja vu. He shifted on the hard wooden chair he had been occupying for the last hours, since they had found him stiff and unmoving on the floor where Sirius had left him.

''How did Black obtain your wand?'' the woman with the short-cropped hair and the no-nonsense look on the other side of the empty desk asked him. Again.

He had answered that question already, had actually lost count of how often he had given the same fabricated response.

''I had pulled it out for a warming spell. I left it on the table when Smith came in. I was surprised. He said Harry had vanished, that he probably had been kidnapped. He goaded Sirius. Then Sirius grabbed my wand and stunned first Smith and then me.''

Remus recounted the slightly remodelled events of the afternoon to his own lap, emotionless, before he looked up at the witch again. Meeting her hard and suspicious eyes, he straightened a little, raising his chin, but really he was too tired and his muscles were screaming from being too long in the same position, so he doubted that he would have any success in impressing her.

''So what you are saying, Mr. Lupin, is that you have been ridiculously careless around a murder suspect for whom, you had been given responsibility,'' she stated, her voice sharp like a dagger.

''What I am saying is, that I put my wand down in a room with a man who is my friend and has never hurt me or anybody else. A fact that has been confirmed today by the Wizengamot.''

''A man who took the first chance to escape!'' The woman gave him a scornful look.

Remus balled his hands into fists. He was exhausted, he hurt and his tired brain kept bringing up images of Sirius taken down by a flash of green light or sobbing over the still body of a black-haired little boy. His temper snapped and he all but growled his response.

''A man who was scared out of his mind at the prospect of the boy he loves like a son having been kidnapped. A boy who was under the Ministry's protection!''

''Auror Smith has denied that he gave you that information,'' the witch said unimpressed. ''And how would he have been able to, when we had not even been alerted to the fact that the Potter boy was gone?''

Remus tense frame slumped and he dropped his head into his hands. They were turning in circles. It was her way to make him slip up, to goad him into making a mistake and contradicting himself, he knew that, he had been here before.

''You have to ask Smith about that,'' he said quietly. ''I can only tell you what I know.''

''Let's start from the beginning then.''

Remus managed to swallow his groan.

He didn't know how much time had passed, or if it was day or night, but when the door to the room finally opened to reveal the tall white-haired figure of Albus Dumbledore he could have wept with relief.

''Albus!'' he croaked. ''Have you-''

But Dumbledore, knowing exactly what the younger wizard needed to hear the most, just shook his head.

''I'm sorry Remus, we have no news, neither of Sirius nor of Harry.'' He turned to the female Auror, who had been interrogating Remus, with a smile. ''But I am sure you have received all and any information Mr. Lupin has to give on this matter. It has been a long day for all of us. I would like to retrieve him now, if that is alright with you.''

The witch frowned. ''I'm not done with him yet.''

The smile on the old wizard's face thinned. ''Other than on the highly unlikely chance that you want to press charges, you are. Mr. Lupin has been nothing but cooperative. You have no claims to hold him here any longer.''

The Auror pressed her lips together into a thin line, regarding Remus suspiciously.

''Keep yourself available. And if you remember anything else-''

''You will be the first to know,'' Remus said with a thin smile.

The woman gave a short nod, and Remus finally got up from his torturous position. He tried not to show his discomfort, and managed to wait until he was out in the corridor and the door had closed behind him, before he let out a deep sigh, stretching his aching limps. Then he turned to his old headmaster.

''Thank you,'' he said with a weak smile. ''I was waiting for her to bring out the silver dagger.''

Dumbledore's face darkened. ''I won't allow anything like that to happen again, Remus.''

''I know,'' Remus mumbled, looking away. ''But it sure felt frighteningly familiar.''

When Albus only nodded silently, Remus had to think that he truly looked every one of his hundred and seven years at that moment.

''I have to speak with Madame Bones for a minute, but I want to talk to you and Bill and Arthur Weasley afterwards. I hav got the impression that Scrimgeour is not very keen to doubt one of his own, and the Minister is quite content to blame it all on Sirius.''

''I will be waiting in the chamber then,'' Remus said with a tired half-smile.

It wasn't like he would be able to get any rest anyway. Not as long as Sirius and Harry were not back safely where they belonged.

-xox-

Sirius wasn't sure how long it had been. At some point Lucius had left, and he still had no idea where Harry was, what Lucius even wanted with him or what was going on. Lucius had not answered any of his questions regarding his godson, and yet Sirius was sure that he was here, somewhere. But why had Lucius taken Harry? Had it only been a trap? Had he only wanted to lure Sirius to a place where he was once more at that bastard's mercy? No. He had felt that Harry was in danger, he had been sure of it, and still was.

He tried to pry his eyes open. His body ached and his head was swimming from exhaustion and what was probably a concussion. He was so tired. But he couldn't give in to that. Not while Harry wasn't safe. And not while there were footsteps drawing closer, not while a gloved hand reached out to touch him far too intimately.

''What the hell do you want from me, Lucius?'' Sirius slurred.

''What I always wanted. To teach you your place.''

Sirius tried to jerk his head away from the hand that petted him, a hollow laugh escaping his chest. ''I know my place. _Lucius._'' He spat the name like a curse. ''And it sure as hell isn't here. I don't care about your superiority complex or your daddy issues. I don't care about your fucking over-blown ego.'' His voice rasped as it tried to produce the words. His mouth felt like sandpaper. ''I only want my godson. You can have the rest of the wizard world and go fuck yourself with it!''

''Tut tut tut. Such language.'' Lucius shook his head in a mocking reprimand. ''You really should wash out your mouth. Scourgify!''

Bitter foam erupted in Sirius' mouth, but he resisted any reflex to gag and let the substance accumulate. Then he drew back his head and spat the bitter bubbles into Lucius' face. The blond wizard blinked. With a wave of his wand he ended the spell, managing to wipe the wetness from his face in the progress. His eyes narrowed on the younger wizard, obviously annoyed.

''You really do not want to make me angry, Sirius,'' he growled softly. ''You know what happens when you don't behave yourself, don't you, _pet_?''

''You think your childish spells scare me?'' Sirius coughed. The foam was gone but the bitter taste remained. ''I am not afraid of you. I'm not a boy anymore, Lucius.''

That cruel smile spread over Lucius features once more. ''But your godson is, isn't he? Such a small and innocent little boy. So vulnerable. And I'm sure he could be very obedient. Maybe I should play some games with him instead?''

The cold fear that slammed into him was like a freight train, shaking him up and out of any remaining daze. ''I knew it was you. What have you done to him!'' Sirius demanded fear and desperation and that ugly feeling of nausea making him dizzy. _Not Harry. Not Harry. Not Harry!_ ''If you've touched so much as a hair on his head-''

''Now, Sirius, you really aren't in a position to make threats, are you?'' Lucius interrupted him, sharply pulling on his hair. ''I'm not saying I will hurt your little puppy. But I have to admit that it has me wondering.'' He paused, and Sirius couldn't help but shiver. And then Lucius went on in a softer voice, ''If I did to him what I did to you... I wonder... would you be as disgusted with him as your father was with you?''

Sirius stilled, the gloved finger of Lucius' other hand stroked along Sirius' cheekbone, and his voice was soft, almost gentle, when he whispered in his ear, ''He never blamed me, Sirius. He blamed you. He knew you loved it. Yearned for it... to be touched. To be loved. But no one ever did. Because you were so weak and pathetic. You were such a disappointment.''

_Sirius stood in the library, staring into the flames of the fire, waiting for his father. He always made him wait when he was going to deal out a punishment, and Sirius knew he was in trouble for simply storming off like that. _

_''Lucius Malfoy told me what happened.''_

_The voice came out of the darkness that was beyond the door. Sirius froze. Feeling himself turning to ice from the inside out._

_''W-what do you mean... what did he tell you?'' he asked, his heart hammering while he kept on staring into the fire._

_''About what he did with you.'' Orion entered the room, his voice not bothering to hide the disgust. ''He and those other boys.''_

_A shocked sob escaped Sirius throat. Why would Lucius... oh god. This couldn't be happening. Please... ''He... he told you?'' Sirius finally managed to croak._

_''Oh, yes. He said they were a bit _rough_ with you, might have scared you because you are a... how did he call it? A prissy boy.''_

_Sirius whipped around, staring at his sneering father. ''A bit rough...? They... you... you don't want to know what they did to me!'' he spat. Hot anger was boiling up inside of him, mixing and clogging with the self-loathing into something volatile._

_''No. I most certainly don't,'' his father answered dangerously. ''Any more details and I might be sick.''_

_For a moment Sirius hesitated, looking at his father uncertainly. There was a small glimmer of hope in his eyes. He had long ago ceased to hope for love from this man. But maybe... maybe there was at least... just a little bit of... loyalty?_

_''You will never do such a thing again, Sirius,'' his father's hard voice interrupted this thought._

_''...what?''_

_''You are my heir!'' Orion roared, and Sirius head flew to the side with a slap that his father had dealt without ever touching him. ''Whether I like it or not, you are the heir to the House of Black, and you will not engage in such disgusting behaviour!''_

_With a trembling hand Sirius touched the side of his mouth. The tips of his fingers came away smeared with red._

_''I'm sorry... I didn't... there were four of them, and I-''_

_Another slap, to his left cheek this time. ''You think I want to know about that?'' his father asked in a low whisper. ''I'm repulsed even looking at you!'' He stepped closer to him. With someone else you might have used the phrase 'invading ones personal space', but Sirius had no such thing in this house. ''You disgusting little piece of filth,'' Orion hissed softly. _

_Sirius looked up then, into the eyes of the man who by all laws of nature should care for him. But the rules of nature never seemed to apply in the House of Black. He made a sound like a bitter laugh, but it was choked. _

_''It's what you taught me to be, father. Isn't it?'' Sirius said, raising his chin. A cold sensation of resignation and _hate_ spread out inside him, killing off all feeling he had left. He was beyond fear. He was beyond care. ''Everything they did to me... it was just a little step further from what I have endured in this house my whole life. And you know who inspired them?'' His voice was harsh and taunting. ''You. They told me so. They thought if I bent over for you, I could do it for them too. So what is it you're really angry about? That I was too _weak _to stop them? Or that they got a piece of what's _yours_? That they had some fun with your favourite toy? That maybe they even managed to outdo you at your own game!''_

_His father looked at him as if Sirius was the devil himself. There was flaming rage, a fury that was on the brink of exploding. And Sirius faced it like a statue. His soul frozen over and untouchable. His father's disgust was palpable in the air, but it didn't faze him. And there was also something else, something Sirius had never seen in his father's eyes before. There was fear. And for just one moment Sirius felt triumphant._

_He smiled. ''Is that it, father? You're mad that someone else touched me? You're jealous!''_

_Sirius thought he saw his father's hand tremble slightly when he raised his wand, but it was just one more thing that showed that he finally, finally was getting to him for just this fucking once. _

_He squared his shoulders and met the glare of his father head on. All he felt was defiance, and hate, and the devil may care. He could take what ever hex or curse his father would send his way. He was _used_ to it._

_And then his father opened his mouth, and Sirius heard the incantation before the spell hit him. His eyes widened, and whatever had remained of his childhood crumbled to ashes._

_''Crucio!''_

That night had been the last time Sirius had spoken to his father. When he regained consciousness, he had crawled up the stairs and to his room to gather the few things he did actually care about. Staggering and hardly able to stay on his feet, he had only stopped once to open the door to Regulus' room. For a moment he stood there, leaning heavily against the door frame, watching his brother's sleeping form, relaxed and slightly drooling on the pillow. He felt a dull ache in his chest at the thought of leaving the boy he once was, the boy who had looked at him with adoration. But Regulus had already been lost to him a long time ago.

It was over.

Sixteen, and with barely more than the clothes he wore, he turned his back on the people who claimed to be his family. He left the house. The sound of the door falling shut behind him rang with finality, but Sirius felt neither relief nor regret. All he felt was hollow. He had no license yet, but he had received lessons. He had nothing left to lose, and really, there was only one destination he could think of. He apparated away, and managed not to splinch himself before he collapsed on the Potter's doorstep.

For his parents it was the moment he ceased to be their son. For Sirius that moment had long passed them by and he was only finally acting on it.

But now he had a son of his own, if not by blood then by everything that mattered. And Harry would never see that look in his father's eyes. Harry would never hurt like he had hurt.

Sirius felt his insides harden. He wasn't sure what it was, but he recognized the feeling. The single focus, stripping from him everything but what mattered the most. A resolve that would let no one stand in his way. It was a feeling that had made him use an Unforgivable once. The memory of his futile attempt to save his brother felt detached now, like something he had been told rather than experienced himself. He remembered all that pain and anger that had coiled in him back then, making him lash out in a hatred that was born of desperation. And afterwards, when he had to realize that it had all been for nothing, he had only been able to think that he had done what his father had done. That he had done what he had sworn to never do. Making use of the Dark Arts.

But he was not that boy anymore. Not a boy.

For a single moment Sirius wondered what had happened to that little bottle, the one that held his most desperate moment and his most precious one. The moment he failed to save his brother, and the moment he laid his eyes on Harry for the first time and all he could feel was _love _so pure and fierce and unquestionable it made his knees shake.

He would not let Lucius touch Harry. He would let _no one _touch Harry. He would protect what was his no matter the cost or the steps he had to take. He had not been able to save his brother, neither one of them, but he would not fail his son. And if Lucius dared to hurt him, there would be nothing to stop him. There would be a wand, and then he would not have any qualms or hesitations in using the most unforgivable spell of all.

The eyes that bore into his haughty blond tormentor were sharp and dangerous like daggers, his voice a deadly whisper.

''If you touch Harry, I will kill you. I _will_ destroy you Lucius. Don't underestimate me.''

-xox-

The small glass vial that fleetingly had crossed its owner's mind was still where Sirius had left it, on the table in the antechamber of the courtroom. Just where Remus had put it for him to reclaim. The memories, swirling like silver white fog in their containment, left behind, abandoned and forgotten.

In the aftermath of Harry's abduction and Sirius' escape no one had paid the nondescript bottle any notice. But when Remus stepped into the small room to wait for Albus to come back, hoping beyond hope that he would still have some magical trick up his sleeve to turn this all around, his eyes caught sight of the very item just the moment the only other person in the room reached out and picked it up.

''No!'' he cried, before he could so much as form a coherent thought.

Molly Weasley jumped and turned around wide-eyed, clutching the small bottle to her chest.

''Remus,'' she gasped, obviously shaken, before she looked him up and down with concerned eyes. ''I didn't hear you come in. Are you alright?''

Remus nodded, sure his pale and miserable expression would belie any such claim, but all he could do was stare frozen at the bottle in her hand. The bottle which held Sirius' worst memory. The one he had taken from his mind to avoid risking it coming up in Snape's Leglimency.

Molly watched him with a small frown. ''What is wrong?''

''N-nothing... just... could you give me that?'' He nodded at the bottle in her hand.

Molly looked down at her hand clutching it, as if she only now remembered she was holding it. ''What, this...'' She looked at the small hand-written label. ''...Calming Draught?'' Her frown deepened while she studied it suspiciously. ''This is no Calming Draught. What is it?''

''Just something personal... please... it's Sirius'...''

Remus realized his mistake as soon as the words had left his mouth for Molly's grip tightened and when she slowly raised her head to look at him, her eyes were hard.

''This is a memory,'' she said tightly. ''So he had something to hide after all.'' It wasn't a question.

''It has nothing to do with the trial,'' Remus argued desperately. ''He just... it was hard enough, having his mind violated like that, so... please...'' He held out his hand.

But Molly shook her head. ''I'm sorry Remus,'' she said, ''But this might very well be something incriminating.''

''What... what do you mean...?''

Molly raised her eyebrows at him.

''He got acquitted!'' Remus protested.

''Maybe. But that was before Harry vanished and _he_ ran off like that!'' She shook her head. ''How can you not see it? It's just like before! I have no idea what's going on in his mind, but he is obviously mad and therefore might be a danger to Harry!''

''He escaped to _save_ Harry!''

''Oh, Remus... do you still not see that this man has manipulated you?''

''He did not!'' Remus replied heatedly. ''He was nothing but honest with me. Whatever happened to Harry, it has nothing to do with Sirius! He didn't even think he would make it! It's why there is a memory for Harry too, in case it came to the worst,'' Remus explained. ''Please. Sirius gave it to me for safe-keeping!''

''Then I think it is the best if I give this to Albus,'' Molly said and slipped the bottle in her pocket, Remus watching helplessly.

-xox-

''Hey, Harry, wake up!''

Harry struggled against the cobwebs of sleep that stuck to his mind. Where was he? This wasn't his bed in Ron's room at the Burrow. This also wasn't the cosy place he had slept in under the roof of the cottage. It sure as hell wasn't his cupboard either, and while the voice sounded familiar he couldn't quite place it.

''There is breakfast. Don't you want any?''

Harry blinked. He was in the strange palace-like room. He had been brought here yesterday to wait for Sirius. And the voice belonged to the other boy, the boy who lived here. Draco.

Draco was right now sitting at the end of the bed, his legs crossed in a strangely elegant way. He looked at him expectantly while he bit into a piece of toast.

''Here!'' He tossed something at Harry. ''My father told me to give you this.''

Harry looked at the slim, leather-bound book confused. When he opened it the pages were blank and empty.

''What is it?'' Harry asked uncertainly. ''Why are you giving it to me?''

Draco shrugged. ''It's a communication book.''

''A... a communication book?'' Harry creased his brow. He wasn't sure he understood what Draco was talking about and his head was still throbbing with a dull pain. ''What does that mean?''

''It means you can communicate with it!'' Draco said, clearly thinking Harry was a bit stupid.

''With whom?''

''Well, with your godfather, obviously!''

''With Sirius?'' Harry's heart made an excited leap. But his joy was immediately replaced by worry. ''Why doesn't he just come here? Did something happen to him?''

Draco shrugged. ''I don't think so. I think he still has things to do.''

''Then why am I not at the Burrow?''

''You're safer here.''

Harry frowned. ''Am I in danger?''

''You'll have to ask your godfather. It's not like they tell me anything important.'' He pouted.

Harry stared down at the book in his hands. ''How does this work?''

For a moment a strange smile spread over Draco's face, but than he just looked at him ominously. ''The way everything else works, Harry. With magic,'' he said.

TBC

* * *

**A/N: Please, be an awesome reader and leave a review!**

***THD*  
**

**Reviewers Anonymous****: ****mworth1019: **Thank you sweety! And even more nice evilness of Malfoy – just for you! ;) **Marissa: **Hm. Intense, I get, but graphic? I'd say it's anything but. It is all in your mind! ;) This story will have approximately four or five more chapters. I am musing about a sequel, but like I've said before, I will only write one when I think I have an interesting plot to tell. I won't simply go over the plot of the books with a sunny paintbrush. **read addiction:** Like always you humble me and light up my day. Thank you! **Mia:** Thank you, sweetheart! And of course the connection of the Promise is still there. And Sirius could never hold back when Harry is in danger! :) **HebHibHob: **Sorry for the long 'hang'. I'd say this one is less nail-baiting? The I guess I might be a poor judge! Lol! **jeanette russell:** All viable questions. But you have to read on for the answers! ;) **Black Veil: **Oh, that truly is a wonderful proposal! :D I will do my best to show mercy and let you all die happy! Thank you so much! **Merlinspants:** Lucius quickly becomes a favourite character it seems ;D And, yes, the Promise is alive! **Bluemoon:** No, not you too! Hold on! Don't go into the light! Lol. Yes. Pacing. This one lingers more on the characters. wouldn't want to get boring, would I?


	24. Control

**A/N: **I hope there are still people out there interested in this story. I know I took a while. Coming back from Africa, I felt like I had kind of lost my footing with writing fanfiction and it took me a while to get back into it. This chapter was written about five times over. Written. Deleted. Written again. Thrown into the trash just to start all over anew. I know I left you waiting, but I couldn't post it as long as it was anything less than what I deem to be the best possible work I could do with this part of the story.

Many thanks go to my wonderful Sundance, who told me when it was crap, and my dear sister, Herbologist, who told me it wasn't so bad after all. (If you like Severus Snape, go and read her stories! She treats him much better than me!)

Many thanks also to all of you who left a comment for the last chapter or really any of my stories, I'm a bit in a backlog getting back to all of you, but I will try to do better. Just know that I really appreciate the feedback and the support!

Now improved by my wonderful beta, ambush99 - Thank you, honey!

* * *

**Chapter 23 - Control**

_$ Hello. Is someone there? Sirius? I_

_Harry. I am glad to hear from you. _

_Sirius  
Are you alright? What happned? I was s_

_Yes, Harry?_

_I was kinda scared._

_I am sorry for that. But I am fine, regarding the circumstances. You should not worry.  
Did Draco tell you that I had some important things to attend to?_

_Yes. He said something like that.  
When will you come and get me?_

_I will pick you up as soon as I can. The Ministry requires me to clear a few more things up. There have been a few complications. It is better if you stay where you are at the moment._

_What about the Weasleys?_

_You will be safer where you are now. _

_What do you mean? Am I in danger?_

_I cannot say yet. But I hope the Malfoys will take good care of you._

_Okay. Do  
Do you think it will take long?_

_I don't know yet, Harry. Maybe a few days. You are already a big boy after all, aren't you?_

_Yes. I just miss you._

_I miss you too. Harry._

~*H*~

It was like the floor was moving under Remus' feet. Like it was slipping away like this whole situation, his tired mind unable to keep itself anchored in the reality of it any longer. He opened his mouth and when he spoke, he registered the desperation in his voice with a strange mixture of clarity and detachment.

''Molly!''

It was a helpless sound, thrown at the retreating back of the red-headed witch, who ignored him, walking away from him, taking with her the last splinter Sirius had left behind of himself.

Before he knew it, his feet where moving, rushing after her to... what he didn't know. He had no words, no means to stop her. He reached out to grab her arm but his fingers only got hold of the sleeve of her cloak. She turned to him with her brows raised in an expression she probably had perfected by being a mother of seven, making him feel silly and much younger than he was.

''Remus,'' she said, and there was that well measured balance of patient impatience, designed to reduce him to embarrassment. But Remus had lost about everything in his life, maybe the most precious things in the last twenty-four hours, he didn't particularly feel a compulsion to hold on to his pride right now. Instead he strengthened his grip on Molly Weasley's cloak.

''Why do you always have to assume the worst of him?''

The words were pressed out from a tight throat. He wasn't really sure where they came from, what he was trying to achieve or whether they were really meant for her at all, but Molly didn't seem inclined to answer anyway.

''And why do you always want to think the best of him?'' she scoffed instead.

''What-... He's my friend.'' The cloth slipped from his fingers and Molly shot him a look that he couldn't translate. ''He proved that he's my friend again and again. And I paid him back badly, because I didn't think the best of him. I thought the worst. And it was the gravest mistake of my life.''

''Remus. Dear. I really-''

''No! I know what you want to say! That I am blinded and see what I want to see, but that's not true. And, yes, I love him, but that's not the point. The point is that he has always puts himself on the line, that he takes whatever it takes to protect... to protect the people he... he cares about, again and again, and you are wrong about him and I just... I just want you to see-''

''Remus, I am sorry. But I really have to go now.''

She didn't understand. She had no fucking clue what he was talking about, because she didn't _listen_. And Remus wanted to _make her listen_, wrapping his fingers around her wrist, yanking her back as a growl erupted from his chest.

Molly went white and her eyes widened in alarm. It was the very real fear in her eyes that brought Remus to his senses, and he dropped her arm as if he'd been burned. A tremble ran through the elder witch's body and then she turned around and practically ran from the room.

The door fell shut behind her with a soft sound that echoed loud in the empty room like a final damnation, and Remus was left alone. He stared at his hand. His limbs were shaking wildly with rage and what he knew was a very imminent loss of control. It was the very thing that had made people draw back from him all his life, the very thing that let them look at him with the same expression Molly Weasley's face had just held. An expression that spoke of a bottomless fear. The fear of a monster.

For long, ticking minutes Remus simply stood there, in the empty silence of the bare stone walls of a room that was unfamiliar, empty and devoid of the raw energy of his friend's presence. A presence Remus had craved from the moment they had met, because however much Sirius aggravated him he soothed him as well. And he never, not once, had looked at Remus like Molly just had. And now he was gone and Remus felt like he was losing it.

He was usually very good at keeping a hold of his emotions, had always been since it had been drilled into him at a very young age. But now he felt like everything he was had become compromised, like there wasn't enough air, like his body wasn't able to contain the rage any longer. So much anger. Anger at Molly who was obnoxious and accused him of being blind. Impossible fury at the person who had taken Harry and taken everything of Remus' hopes with him. And anger at Sirius who had run off to die. Who had left him. As if this wasn't Remus' fight too. As if it wasn't Remus life on the line as well, because it wouldn't be worth a Knut without Sirius and Harry in it.

His body was so tense it was painful and his skin itched like dark fur was trying to break through it. He knew he was becoming paranoid, a werewolf could only change on the night of a full moon. He couldn't turn just from feeling... whatever the maelstrom was that was pulling him under. Anger. Hurt. Fear. Betrayal. Too much of it.

He balled his hands into fists and squeezed his eyes shut. He knew he needed to focus, needed to remain calm and rational, but he didn't even know what those words meant anymore.

And ridiculously enough there was a childish part of him, somewhere in all that nauseating turmoil, that still hoped that he would wake up at any moment, panting and disorientated, just to realize it had all been one horrible nightmare. That Sirius was sleeping right next to him and Harry was safely tucked away at the Burrow. That he would simply have to reach out and Sirius would be there. That the world would be almost right and the future painted in possibility.

But he should have known. Yesterday. He should have known that it was too good to be true and that it would never last. _It never lasted_. Maybe he should have listened to his parents, should have done what was expected of a creature like him, should never have allowed himself to have friends, to grow attached, and, however much it hurt and ripped him apart, to come back for more, again and again. Maybe he should never have believed in that. In him. In Sirius. Maybe if he had not believed him when he had smiled and held out his hand to him, maybe if he had turned away that day, he would have been spared the pain of being left behind, of being cut open and reduced to pieces he didn't recognize as himself anymore...

''Remus.''

Remus jerked his eyes open, fighting a sudden feeling of vertigo, just to find Albus standing before him, studying him with his ageless blue eyes, concern edged between the tired lines of his face.

For a long moment the older wizard didn't say a word, until he suddenly reached out, grasping both of Remus' shoulders with surprising strength. It was an unexpected gesture and Remus felt himself torn back from that edge of desperation as some of the older man's iron-hard resolution seeped into him like glue connecting the scattered pieces.

''Come. We have work to do,'' was the only thing Albus said.

''Work?'' he stammered in confusion.

''Oh, yes. A lot of work. And I need you for this. _He _needs you for this, Remus. Whether he knows it or not.''

Remus swallowed and turned his head away to hide the embarrassed that filled his cheeks for letting Albus see him fall apart like this. He didn't know whether Albus' words were true. Whether Sirius really needed him. But Remus needed Sirius. And therefore he would stop that damn idiot from sacrificing himself, if it was the last thing he ever did. He wouldn't allow Sirius to leave him behind again.

He wouldn't allow him to leave.

~*H*~

_Sirius? _

_Yes, Harry?_

_I wasnt sure if you are there all the time._

_Of course I am, Harry. I am always here for you. Is there something you need?_

_I –not really. I mean  
Its just a bit  
Its all so strange. I wish Ron were here or something. I'm in this room all the time. _

_It's safest that way._

_Okay. But  
I feel weird Sirius. My head really hurts. It hurts all the time._

_Your head? Well, maybe Draco can bring you a potion if you have a headache. I am sorry I can't be with you right now, Harry. _

_I know. Its okay. _

_Is there anything else that you need Harry?_

_Just  
Just you. _

~*H*~

The sun was already standing low in the sky when Molly Weasley arrived back at the Burrow, still trembling slightly from all that had happened at the Ministry. And when the house came in sight, lying silent in the pale yellow light of the afternoon, Molly couldn't help the irrational fear that grabbed her heart for a moment. She had sent Bill home some time ago to relieve Astra Lovegood from watching the twins, Ron and Ginny. So why was no one here?

She stormed into the kitchen, calling the names of her children almost frantically, when her gaze fell on the note on the kitchen table. It was Bill's hand writing, telling her that they had all gone out to the field to play some Quidditch. Sinking into one of the kitchen chairs, she scolded herself for being silly, but too much had happened in the last twenty-four hours for her to be able to relax. Her husband had been attacked, Harry had been kidnapped, Sirius Black was on the run again. And Remus... she had always thought of him as a polite young man, but he had _scared_ her.

Almost absentmindedly her fingers touched the vial with the memory that Remus had almost fought her over. It felt like it was burning a hole into her pocket. She had been planning to hand it over to Albus, but had not met him after she had checked on Arthur and she had been too shaken to stay at the Ministry any longer. She had to get home to her children. She had not planned to take a look at it herself. Now that she was back home and the tension slowly started to seep out of her, she remembered the old Pensieve in the attic. It had been in the family for some time and she had acquired it after her brothers' deaths. She had never used it, but she knew where it was. Molly bit her lip nervously, looking at the swirling white fog in the small bottle. Maybe this was important. Maybe this could help her understand what was going on and what had happened.

Bringing down the Pensieve to the living-room and pouring in the silver mist was a matter of minutes. But yet again, Molly hesitated. For a moment she wondered whether she was really prepared to see what might be the memory of terrible events, if Sirius Black had picked it out and hidden it from everyone else. But if it was necessary to protect her family, there really was no doubt about it. She gathered all her courage and, taking a deep breath, bent over into the Pensieve.

_She found herself in the dark, abandoned ruin of a house, in what looked like it had been someone's living room once. Now the walls were blackened from a fire and there was dust and cobwebs and debris all around. _

_And then Molly screamed in fright, because right there, in front of her in the dark, a figure was slowly moving through the rubble. The masked figure of a Death Eater._

_''I know you're here Black! You won't escape me!'' the man behind the mask called, looking around, searching. ''Did you think we wouldn't find you? Did you think you could just snoop around undetected? There is a prize on your head, and I intend to cash it in!'' _

_Malicious laughter followed that statement, and it was sickeningly clear that the man was enjoying the situation very much. Trembling, Molly looked around for Black, but couldn't find him. She knew this was only a memory and the masked wizard couldn't see or hurt her, but she couldn't shake the indescribable fear that made her blood run cold at his sight. _

_''Do you really want to know what happened to your little baby brother, Black?'' the masked wizard asked, his voice taunting. ''Do you want to know what we did to him?'' _

_He moved further into the room and suddenly curses were flying, coming from the opposite corner where a couch had been upturned. The Death Eater laughed again, finding cover behind a heavy wardrobe. Shaking but determined, Molly slowly edged closer to the other side of the room, moving in a wide circle, so that she would be able to see behind the obstacle where the spells had come from. _

_In the dark she could make out the figure of a man, crouched with his back pressed against the faded cloth of the upended sofa, his head turned towards the direction of his opponent. She couldn't really see his face, but Molly hesitated to move closer, irrationally afraid. She knew this man was Sirius Black, and she could almost feel the rage, hot and boiling, radiating from him as his breath came heavy and panting, his knuckles white around his wand. _

_''Now, the Killing Curse would be far too easy for a traitor, wouldn't it?'' the Death Eater drawled just then, continuing his taunts about Black's brother. _

_Black shot more curses. Bright like flashes, they illuminated the sooty remains of the walls and furniture in an eerie way. The Death Eater didn't seem impressed. _

_''There are really exquisite ways of torture, you know. And the Dark Lord knows them all,'' he drawled, seeming to find satisfaction in this idea._

_More curses. And more laughter. The Death Eater was trying to agitate Black so much that he would make a mistake like leaving his hiding place. _

_''He was always such a weakling, I bet he begged and cried,'' the wizard sneered and Molly couldn't take it anymore. She wanted nothing more than to leave. She had no idea what Black had been trying to hide with this memory..._

_But then, suddenly, it was the Death Eater who made a mistake. Maybe his overconfidence had made him careless. He cut through Black's line of fire and, quick as lightning, Black shot a curse, bringing the man down with a stunner. Just a split second later Black was up on his feet, jumping over the upturned couch and grabbing the man by his robes, pressing his wand into his throat. Then he pulled off the Death Eater's mask. _

_''Dolohov!'' Black hissed, and Molly's blood turned to ice. _

_For a moment time seemed to have come to a halt. In the pale moonlight filtering through the ceiling Molly could see their faces clearly. The older Death Eater, the would-be murderer of her brothers, sneering up at his captor, and a very young Sirius Black. Oh Merlin's Grace, he couldn't be older than eighteen or nineteen. He was a child! _

_''Tell me what you know!'' Sirius demanded, his face twisted in pain and his eyes full of hate. Oh yes, he was hating the man at his feet, anyone could see that. ''Was it you! Did you kill him!'' he pressed out through a throat that was tight with emotion, and the crack in his young voice brought tears to Molly's eyes. But Dolohov just grinned at him. _

_''Tell me!'' Sirius shouted._

_''Why would I?'' _

_''Because I will kill you if you don't!'' Hissed, in a voice so full of hate and rage that Molly almost believed him. _

_Dolohov didn't. He laughed. ''You're nothing more than a little boy! You won't kill me!'' _

_Sirius' mouth twisted and he drew his wand back. There was a moment of stillness, both in Sirius and Dolohov. Then Sirius hissed the curse. _

_''Crucio!'' _

_Molly froze in shock as Dolohov was thrown backwards, but the spell had been too weak. Lying on the floor the Death Eater laughed. ''You're even more pathetic than your brother! He couldn't do it either! Do you know he got sick the first time he had to torture a Muggle? Salazar! He cried! Do you want to know what the Dark Lord di-'' _

_''CRUCIO!'' _

_And this time Dolohov screamed. He screamed and screamed, and Sirius just stood there and stared at him wildly, his wand pointing at the writhing man. When he pulled it down Dolohov stopped, panting for breath, and Molly sighed in relief that it was over. _

_''Didn't think you had it in you,'' Dolohov sneered with a slight cough. ''Breaking the rules. Torturing. Maybe you are more of your father's son than I thought. Seems like we recruited the wrong brother-' _

_''Tell me what happened to Regulus!'' _

_''I wouldn't know.'' Dolohov smirked. _

_The wand in the young boy's hand trembled, but his voice was fierce. ''Crucio!'' _

_Again the other wizard writhed in pain until the teenager lowered his wand. _

_''What do you think?'' the Death Eater wheezed. ''No one turns away from the Dark Lord. No one. Not even a pathetic shit like your brother!'' _

_Dolohov sniggered again, and Sirius young face looked wild and almost mad when he pulled his hand back, raising his wand. But Dolohov rolled out of the way. The Cruciatus Curse must have broken the Stunning Spell. The green light of an Avada Kedavra flew at the boy, only missing him by a hairsbreadth when Sirius threw himself out of the line. _

_Then there was a loud pop and Dolohov disapperated._

_In the sudden stillness of the room the young Sirius collapsed and fell to his knees, panting like he had just been running for miles. His hands balled into fists as he pressed them to the ground, obviously unaware of the rubble. A heart-breaking sob escaped his throat. And when his body convulsed and shuddered with his pain and grief, Molly stood and watched helplessly. He was so young. Hardly older than her own son. He shouldn't have been here, in such a situation, but then neither of them should have. Not her brothers, nor any of the others Albus had recruited to fight against You-Know-Who and who were basically still children. _

_Molly felt her own tears sliding down her cheeks as she watched the familiar grief of the boy in front of her. And then the memory dissolved and Molly found herself in a hospital room._

_It was another memory, but this seemed to be a more joyful one. There was a red-haired young woman lying in the bed, but rather than sick, she was alight with happiness. Sirius stood next to the bed with another young man with messy black hair, whom Molly identified as James Potter. He was holding a small bundle with a new-born baby boy._

_Harry. It was the day of Harry's birth. _

_Tears of another kind welled up in Molly's eyes and she stepped forward, just as James did too, holding the infant out for Sirius to take him, and Molly looked up from the small baby into the young man's face. She could see the same happiness there, but paired with an awe she remembered from her own husband when Bill had been born._

_''I want you to be his godfather.''_

_James Potter watched the man, his friend, beside him intently. His face was an open book of emotions. Love, pride, nervousness. _

_''You are my brother in everything but blood, Padfoot,'' he said, blushing a little. ''You are a part of my family. And if anything ever happened to me and Lily... I know you will take care of my son. I know you will love him like he was your own."_

_Sirius, who had stared at him almost open-mouthed, blinked against the tears that threatened to well up in his eyes, lowering his head. Molly couldn't help but smile at these two youngsters, struggling with their emotions which were so obvious for anyone to see._

_She watched this still so young Sirius looking at the baby lying in the crook of his arm like it was an incomprehensible miracle. And Molly understood. She had felt it with everyone of her children. The tiny new person that took his first breath and was so beautiful and so helpless and _yours_. Molly saw the same wonder in Sirius' eyes as he gazed at the little boy, touching the black down on his head, the tiny hands and the button of a nose. And then the little boy blinked and stared up at his newly appointed godfather with the most vivid green eyes Molly had ever seen. _

_Sirius raised his misty eyes up to his friend. ''James," he said with a small croak in his voice. And apparently nothing more was needed. _

_Then his eyes found another pair of green eyes. ''Lily. That what you want as well?" he asked obviously unsure whether his friend's wife felt the same kind of trust in him. _

_But the young red-haired witch just smiled at him. ''Yes, Sirius. There was never any doubt. If there is one person in the world, I'd trust to keep Harry safe, it is you." _

_Sirius closed his eyes and bowed his head. ''Thank you. I will. I won't let anything happen to him. Not ever. I promise."_

_Molly looked at the young man, tall and lean and not much more than a boy, overwhelmed by his emotions, on a day she knew would have been the most wonderful day of both Lily and James' life. And Sirius was right there. Standing in their midst, holding Harry, a part of them. _

_A soft tugging on her shoulder brought Molly out of her reverie, and she turned around to see Arthur standing behind her, looking at her with a mixture of exasperation, love and understanding._

_''It is time to go. Come,'' he said. ''I think you have seen enough.'' _

_With a last glance at the three young people, happiness so painfully apparent on their faces, sheltering the newborn in their midst, Molly let go and grabbing her husband's hand rose up from the memory _until she stood back in her own living-room with tear tracks on her cheeks.

~*H*~

_I just wish I could be with you already._

_I know Harry. But I don't know yet when that will be possible._

_I know. What  
What is it you have to do?_

_There are some problems, Harry. It has not been decided yet whether you will be allowed to stay with me._

_But  
But why? I thought _

_There have been some issues._

_A  
About me?_

_You don't have to feel bad about that. I will see that I can solve whatever problems arise._

_But will it  
It will be okay right?_

_I do hope so._

_Okay. Im sorry  
Sirius?_

_Yes?_

_I  
I love you._

_Yes. I do know that Harry._

~*H*~

Severus Snape stalked through the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, brows furrowed and teeth gritted. Albus had sent for him, asking him to come and see him in his office. Severus had been immediately irritated when Minerva had shown up. It was late and the last days had been a quite tiring ordeal. Hadn't he done enough already? He had a real job after all, one that didn't involve babysitting Black. He had essays to mark and lessons to prepare. But Minerva had insisted that Albus needed his help in a matter that took precedence above all else. Apparently the Potter brat had managed to get himself kidnapped.

It didn't come as much of a surprise that Black, being the insufferable, attention-seeking idiot that he was, had run right after whomever had taken the brat, not even waiting for the acquittal that a lot of people had put quite an effort into acquiring for the arrogant bastard, one of whom Severus himself. But of course such things didn't faze one Sirius Black. Not when the possibility arose to play the hero in some reckless, overly dramatic stunt. Let someone else handle the mess he left behind.

Unfortunately Albus still seemed to suffer from that ridiculous guilt complex he had developed in regard to Black and, with things being as they were, Severus found himself once more expected to help the very person he couldn't care less about being left in the mess of his own making.

So Severus felt rather justified in his quiet seething, as he walked down the corridor that led to the hidden entrance of the Headmaster's office.

''I would have thought you would be at least a little worried.''

Severus' head whipped around. He had almost forgotten Minerva's stiff presence next to him.

''I do not exactly hold any warm feelings for Black, as you do well know,'' he pressed out through clenched teeth.

Minerva stopped dead in her track, falling behind so that Severus had to turn back towards her if he didn't want to look extremely rude. It was a close call. He looked at her through narrowed eyes, but Minerva was never one to falter under his stare. She seemed rather immune to it.

''I was thinking of the boy,'' she said, raising her eyebrows as if that should have been obvious.

The boy. Potter's boy. Of course it was also Lily's boy, but from the pictures –_ and the memories – _Severus had seen, he knew the boy looked like a miniature version of his father. Apart from the eyes. But everything else screamed 'James Potter', as if even after his death Potter had wanted to rub it in Severus' face that Lily had chosen him. That the last part that was left of the woman he had loved, was tainted, consumed by the man he would always hate with a vengeance.

''I was not under the impression that the headmaster asked for my presence to wallow in despair and lament over events that will not be changed by emotional outbursts,'' he said stiffly.

''There is a difference between showing concern and compassion and 'wallowing in despair', Severus. Maybe one day you will be able to understand the distinction.''

And with that Minerva passed him by, to approach the pair of gargoyles that guarded the Headmaster's office and state the newest in a long line of ridiculous passwords the headmaster had come up with.

~x~

After they had travelled up the spiral stair-case without another word, the double doors to Dumbledore's office opened up on their own accord, letting them through before falling closed behind them with a soft thud. At first glance the room appeared empty, but than there was the whoosh of flames rising up in the fireplace and the voice of the headmaster speaking to an other.

''To be quite honest, I am not sure whether calling the Minister an inflated, self-serving moron was the best course of action to make him see our way, Remus'' Albus' slightly amused voice came from the other side of the room where he had just stepped out of the green fire.

Another tall figure followed only a moment later, obviously on the other end of an ongoing conversation. Lupin didn't pay any attention to his surroundings or the other people in the room, his whole posture spoke of untethered fury as he followed Dumbledore to the desk.

''He wasn't going to see our way no matter what, because he obviously won't see the truth even though it is all but biting him in the arse!'' the werewolf spat angrily. ''I can't believe that one man can have so little sense, and to top it off manage to get himself elected into an office!''

That might just be the first time he and Lupin actually did agree on something.

''On the contrary. From what I have observed over the years, the former seems to often walk hand in hand with the latter.''

Brushing a speck of ash from his robes, Albus sat down wearily behind his desk, his eyes turning towards his other visitors without surprise. ''Ah, Minerva. Severus. Good that you are here. Please do join us. Remus and I have just arrived from the Ministry.''

Severus didn't deem any response necessary to the obvious, and simply stepped closer to the headmaster's desk with a quiet incline of his head, while Minerva sat down on one of the chairs in front of it..

''Did you have any success talking to the Minister?'' she asked, as if Lupin's furious ranting wasn't answer enough.

''I'm afraid not.''

''He wants to send out the Dementors to look for Sirius and Harry!'' Lupin cut in with a scowl. ''Because that turned out so brilliantly the first time around!''

Running a shaking hand through his hair, the werewolf continued his pacing, his movements agitated in a way that was disconcertingly reminiscent of the creature he turned into once a month.

Minerva's eyes widened in shock at Lupin's words and they flew to Albus, who nodded gravely in confirmation. Severus on the other hand was hardly surprised by this revelation. The Minister was a moron in love with his own position, who would do anything at all to keep up appearances. It wasn't a way of thinking that generally produced any useful decisions.

''This seems indeed hardly a promising idea,'' he said, raising an eyebrow. ''After all they didn't find him the last time either.''

Lupin whipped around, piercing him with amber burning eyes. There was so much barely controlled emotion there that Severus had to swallow and only with considerable self-restrain managed to not take a step backwards, away from him. The other wizard's eyes looked too much like those of the wolf Severus had once been unfortunate enough to come face to face with.

''One of the Dementors attacked Harry, right in the Ministry, trying to suck out his soul,'' Lupin hissed at him. ''I do hope very much they won't find either of them!''

''I just said that such an event would be highly unlikely.''

''Yeah. You just didn't sound as if you would care.''

''We can't all indulge in our baser instincts, Lupin. I doubt your overly dramatic antics are helpful to your _pack _in any way,'' Severus said, unable to keep the sneer out of his voice. ''I was under the impression that I was called here for something more productive than moaning and wringing our hands together over the terrible fate that has once more befallen the great Sirius Black.''

''In which you are quite right, Severus,'' Albus said, drawing back their attention. ''For one thing, I am quite sure that Sirius, however dire the circumstances, will be able to hold his own. That much can't be said for Harry. We don't know with what motivation he was taken from the Ministry. We can't be sure that they won't harm the boy.''

''Do we have any indication who took him?'' Minerva asked.

''No. But I am confident that whoever took him, needs or wants him alive, at least for the moment. Otherwise they wouldn't have gone to this length to take him out of the Ministry. So that gives us a margin of time in which to operate.'' Albus leaned back in his chair, his fingers steepled before him. ''The question is, what would anyone gain from this abduction?

No request for ransom has been made so far, but we can't rule that out. The moment he was acquitted, Sirius became a rich man.''

''But Harry was taken before that,'' Lupin objected. ''This whole thing had to be planned beforehand. How could anyone know whether Sirius would go back to Azkaban or...'' He swallowed audibly. ''... worse?''

''There are his relatives,'' Minerva said doubtfully. ''But I think they would not even have known where to find him.'' She turned to the headmaster, her face growing anxious. ''Albus. You don't... you don't think it could be... _him_?''

Severus froze as a shiver ran down his back. Him. It was obvious who Minerva was talking about. The Dark Lord. But that couldn't be. For one, Severus was sure that he would know. If his master was back, he would know. One way or the other. He found he was rubbing the inside of his left arm through the thick cloth of his robes, and suddenly looked up feeling uncomfortably exposed. Three pairs of eyes were staring at him.

Severus immediately straightened. ''I did not hear anything indicating that the Dark Lord has...'' He left the sentence hanging, unwilling to use a word like _returned_.

''And how can you be sure you would?'' Lupin eyed him suspiciously.

''There are certain... indicators,'' Severus said waspishly. ''I am also still in contact with a few of his former associates.''

''Death Eaters, you mean,'' Lupin spat almost viciously. ''Yeah, I noticed you and Malfoy were pretty chummy.''

''It's hardly your business with whom I interact socially,'' Severus replied heatedly.

''It might be, when your _acquaintance_ is a sick bastard like Lucius Malfoy,'' Lupin hissed. ''You know they have a history.''

He didn't need to elaborate of whom he was speaking. Severus swallowed against the bile, pushing away the images.

''You are speaking of Lucius and Sirius?'' Albus forehead crinkled even more in a rare frown. ''I didn't know they were acquainted, apart from the obvious family connection. But as I understand, Sirius never associated much with his relatives.''

The headmaster looked from Lupin to Severus questioningly. Lupin stood pale and silent.

''It appears that Lucius-''

''It is a private matter!'' Lupin interrupted him harshly. ''It is enough to know, that Lucius Malfoy _hates_ Sirius. For whatever reasons, I wouldn't know and I'm pretty sure Sirius doesn't really know either.'' Lupin hesitated before he looked at Severus again. His eyes were slightly narrowed, but there was an almost unreadable expression in his face. ''Do you think he could have anything to do with this? Did he... damn it, Severus, do you know anything about this?''

And wasn't that just typical... ''Of course, Lupin. I kidnapped the brat myself,'' Severus sneered. ''Since I was so enamoured with his father, I couldn't let the miniature version pass me by.''

''I didn't say-''

''Or maybe you believe that I want to sacrifice the boy on an altar dedicated to my master in some insane scheme to bring him back to life?-''

''All I'm asking is-''

''I know what you are asking, Lupin, and considering the fact that I just spent the last days wading through the filthy conscience of-''

''That is quite enough!'' Minerva's voice rang in the room. She stood in front of the headmaster's desk, her eyes fierce and red spots adorning her cheeks. ''An eight year old boy has vanished. He is most certainly in grave danger. That is not a joking matter. And however much you two might despise it, the fact remains that we have to stand together in this if we want to find Harry before it is too late.''

There was a long moment of silence.

''Minerva is quite right,'' the Headmaster said finally, and there was nothing of his usual serenity. He looked at Severus. ''No one is making any accusations.'' He glanced at Lupin who seemed to be boiling with anger if his tightly clenched fists and rigid neck were any indication. ''But we also need to look at every possibility.'' His gaze turned back to Severus.

''I have no indication whatsoever, that the Dark Lord has returned, as I am quite sure, neither do you. I agree that Lucius Malfoy has an... unusual amount of dislike for Black. But he is part of the Wizengamot and was in court during the interrogation. He therefore couldn't have abducted the boy at that time.''

''He could have had help,'' Lupin growled, and Severus frowned. While it was a possibility, it didn't sit right. Lucius would want to be the one in control. He would not want to leave the execution of a plan of his to someone else. ''Malfoy has a sick interest in Sirius,'' Lupin went on, agitated. ''He even came to the cottage when I wasn't there. He could have taken Harry to get to Sirius.''

''I know you probably think the world turns around Black, Lupin, but not everyone else shares that opinion,'' Severus scoffed before he turned to Albus. ''Whoever took the boy risked a lot.''

''While that is true, our leads are too few to leave any option out.'' Albus studied Severus with serious eyes. ''Do you think that Lucius Malfoy could be involved in this?''

Something tugged at Severus mind, a thought buried deep in his subconscience. He couldn't really take a hold of it. It was more like a fleeting feeling. Like he was missing something...

_''In a way it is almost poetic justice. In the attempt to protect what he loves he will ruin it.'' _

Words spoken into the night, like they were addressed to no one specific. He could see Lucius' slightly turned head, his back to Severus on the threshold, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Like the cat who's got the mouse even though the mouse doesn't know it yet.

Severus wasn't really sure why that moment came to his mind right now. Why it seemed important. So Lucius had paid him a visit the night after Albus asked him to do the Leglimency. That wasn't so unusual. And maybe he had asked him whether the rumours about the trial were true, but that too wasn't all that unusual. After all Lucius liked to be on top of things, had ways and means of knowing about anything of interest that was going on in the wizard world. They had talked politely over a cup of tea, about what exactly this new method of Dumbledore's would involve, the chances for success, and the grievance of having to deal with Black... And then Lucius had taken his leave.

_''In a way it is almost poetic justice. In the attempt to protect what he loves he will ruin it.'' _

What had been the meaning of these words? In that moment Severus had thought Lucius was talking about Dumbledore. That he was expressing his certainty that this new scheme of the old goat's wouldn't work and Black would end up in Azkaban anyway. But why would he have seen poetic justice in that? Why would Lucius be interested in any such thing where Albus Dumbledore was concerned? On the other hand Lucius did have a strange obsession with Black. Had he thought that Black would ruin what he loved? How? Had he been talking about the boy?

Come to think of it how had Lucius even known that Severus would be in Spinner's End?

''It is highly unlikely, but it might still be worth investigating further. I could pay a visit to Malfoy Manor tomorrow.''

''I will come with you.''

Severus turned to Lupin with his eyebrows raised so high he nearly strained a muscle.

''Has all that howling at the moon given you brain damage?''

''This is my family we are talking about.''

''That is really touching, Lupin. But I doubt that Lucius will believe I have taken up the company of flea-bitten canines.''

The glare Lupin sent his way was rather impressive.

~*H*~

In the dark dungeons of his ancestral home Lucius Malfoy studied the man lying on the floor before him. He was a wreck. Naked. Bloody. Filthy.

Lucius' breath was coming fast and quick. He was hard. Again. His skin was covered with sweat, his high collared robes feeling uncomfortable, sticking to his body. He felt a nerve twitch under his eye and tried to reign in his boiling emotions, tried to keep up the mask of countenance.

The man on the floor raised his head, black fringe falling away to reveal a face still bare of the bruises that painted the rest of his body. Only a thin trickle of blood was running from the corner of his mouth. But the glare he sent Lucius' way was full of contempt and without so much as a hint of submission.

''Is that all you've got?'' he drawled.

TBC

* * *

A/N: I'm kind of nervous about this one. Let me know what you think? x Zaira


	25. Love

**A/N: ****Happy New Year!** I wanted to have this done for Christmas, but Santa took a wrong turn. I think it is better for it. I hope you enjoy.

My never ending thanks to all of you who ask and comment and show your enthusiasm for this story, to my wonderful steadfast beta, ambush99, and to you, Sundance, for being the friend you are!

_**What happened last time...** Harry talked to someone via a strange book while his godfather refused to break under torture. Molly watched something very private which brought tears to her eyes. Remus had issues controlling his emotions which led to him calling the Minister of Magic an inflated, self-serving moron. Severus Snape agreed to pay a visit to Malfoy Manor. _

* * *

**Chapter 24 - Love **

The world outside the tall bay window looked like something out of a fairy tale, but Harry remembered very well that fairy tales were full of evil sorcerers and cruel queens and poisoned apples. Sometimes, in fairy tales, things were not as they seemed. And while the garden outside should be beautiful, with his snow-covered trees and bushes, neat rows of flowerbeds and the small paths leading to a huge fountain gleaming with froth, there was something Harry couldn't name, something that didn't feel right about this place. Maybe it was the stillness of it all. There was nothing disturbing the picture. No bird, no squirrel, no footsteps in the snow. Harry imagined the evil sorcerer breathing out over the gardens, freezing it and every living thing in it with his icy breath.

He shivered and curled up on the window seat, pulling his knobbly knees up to his chest. Doubtfully he stared at the breakfast tray that a strange little gnome-like creature had brought in a while ago. He had tried to talk to it, but it had just kept bowing deeply and then it was gone without a word. The toast and eggs were probably cold by now, but Harry wasn't hungry anyway. His stomach felt like it had been knotted so tightly that he would never be able to put food in it again. Something was wrong.

His hand reached for the leather-bound book but stopped hovering over the cover. He had been so excited when Draco had given him the book yesterday, but something seemed wrong there too. He had been so relieved to be able to talk to Sirius. Or he had thought he would be. But... he wasn't really.

Harry had been longing for Sirius, for the way Sirius always reassured him, always explained things so Harry would understand them, always promised that things would be alright in the end. Sirius always made things better just by being there. And now he somehow didn't.

After talking to Sirius through the book Harry felt even more anxious. Nothing made sense really and Sirius had almost seemed preoccupied. Like he didn't really want to talk to Harry. Harry bit his lip. He was ungrateful, surely, but he wanted things to be back the way they were. He regarded the book warily. It was just a book but Harry somehow thought it might be to blame for Sirius being strange. Maybe the book twisted Sirius' words. Maybe it gobbled up the messages. Because the words that had emerged on the yellowed pages... they hadn't really sounded like Sirius.

~*H*~

In another part of the manor, so far and not so very far away, a man lay on the cold stone floor, breathing. While Sirius normally wouldn't claim that as an outstanding achievement, right now he nevertheless felt a little proud and very glad that he still could. He tried to do it steadily. And slowly. Over the course of the last – what, days, hours? - he'd acquired a few more injuries to match his broken ribs, and he was pretty sure that it was not a good sign that he kept blacking out. It was tempting, to let yourself fall into the dizziness, where the pain dulled and reality was scrabbling away, but Sirius knew that was a very bad idea. He had been a regular visitor to that foggy realm during his years in Azkaban, whenever the Dementors were far enough away to lessen the nightmares into figments and foreboding. He couldn't afford to dwell there now that time was probably of the essence. So Sirius gritted his teeth and breathed and tried to concentrate. Things were different now. He had a purpose, someone who needed him, and that knowledge had helped him once before to do the impossible.

He had managed to get out of Azkaban, there had to be a way to get out of Lucius Malfoy's grasp. Lucius. Sirius tried to concentrate on the furious look on the blond man's face when he had stormed off the last time. It was almost comforting. Sirius wasn't fighting against nightmares and figments of his own imagination. Here he had an enemy. Not much of a comfort for most people, sure, but after seven years with a flock of Dementors Sirius was coming to appreciate it. And, even better, Lucius was an enemy whom he knew.

Lucius had been trying to make his life miserable from the first time they had met as children. Sirius might not exactly know why, but he knew Lucius hated him, was maybe even strangely obsessed with it, and that meant Sirius had power over him. Oh, it didn't feel like it right now. Sirius chuckled silently, and then regretted it when fresh pain shot through him. But he wasn't dead yet, and that alone was a small miracle. Lucius wanted to break him, and as long as he didn't, Lucius kept coming back, kept getting more and more agitated, and at some point... he would make a mistake. And Sirius would take the chance and rip his bloody head off.

Until then Sirius only weapon was to endure and be as stubborn and annoying as possible, to rile Lucius up until he lost his temper. There had been small successes. Small victories, that didn't exactly feel like such when Lucius struck him or the gloved fingers of his hand curled around Sirius' throat, crushing his windpipe. But when Lucius drew back, his face for a moment a mirror of his fury and frustration before the mask slipped back into place, when he didn't seem to realize that a strand of his hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead, Sirius couldn't help but smile at the loss of control of the master-manipulator.

Of course riling Lucius up had not been good for his health. But Sirius had eaten up pain and the shame and the terror since he was a child, and there was nothing Lucius could do to him that had not already been done one way or the other, or at least the bastard had yet to come up with it. He wondered what way of torture Lucius might think up next. Whatever it was, Sirius hoped he would do it quickly. He was not afraid, at least not for himself. The only worry in his mind was Harry, and that he was still not one step closer to his godson.

As if Lucius had heard him, there was the grating sound of the door to his cell opening and Sirius braced himself. It seemed his captor had arrived for another round of the twisted game they were playing, each of them trying to break the other. Lucius might not know it, but then Sirius was a lot more subtle about it.

He on the other hand knew exactly what Lucius wanted. For him to sob and beg and bargain away his soul. Unfortunately for the bastard, Sirius soul wasn't his to give, had not been for over eight years now. Lucius didn't get it. He would keep on trying.

Sure enough, a moment later a gloved hand ran through his hair and pulled, lifting Sirius' head up.

''Taking a little nap, Sirius?'' Lucius whispered, mocking and arrogant and still with a small note of something more strained.

Sirius tried to make a shrugging motion, but wasn't sure how well that worked with the shackles weighing him down. ''Not much else to do. I have to tell you, your entertainmentreally sucks.''

''Is that so? I'm deeply disappointed you think that way.''

''We can't be all great hosts, Lucius,'' Sirius consoled him in mock amicability. ''I am sure you have many other talents.''

''That is very gracious of you, Sirius. On the other hand, your young little ward has not complained about my hospitality. He seems to be quite... comfortable. But then he is such a sweet little boy, so modest and innocent. I am sure it will give me so much pleasure to spoil him.''

Sirius tried his best, but he knew his face had always been too damn expressive, there was no way Lucius wouldn't see the tensing of his muscles, the white knuckles of his balled fists and the promise of murder in his eyes. The smile on the other man's face widened. It seemed Lucius had found a new and creative way to torture him after all.

But before Lucius could drive the insinuation deeper, there was a quiet pop behind him, followed by a small cough.

''Dobby is deeply sorry, sir, to disturb his master,'' the house-elf squeaked fearfully. ''But your... _guest _is asking for you, sir. He is very upset, sir.''

Sirius could see the elf bow deeply, cowering and trembling. It was the first time he had seen anyone else but Lucius since his imprisonment here. Lucius narrowed his eyes and cursed under his breath, but he didn't hesitate before he strode to the door, throwing a cruel smile over his shoulder at Sirius.

''Don't worry about getting bored. I will be back shortly.''

And then he was gone, door falling closed behind him, the quivering elf obviously forgotten.

Sirius regarded the small creature warily. At Hogwarts he had got along with the house-elves well enough, and Milly, the Potter's old house-elf, had been almost embarrassingly fond of him. But there was also Kreacher, his mother's loyal servant, and Sirius had always wondered whether serving a dark wizard family somehow twisted these creatures into something to equal their masters.

''It is Dobby, isn't it?'' Sirius tried. He knew that nobody knew a wizard household as well as the house-elves.

''Y-Yes Sir,'' the elf said in a hushed, frightened whisper. ''That is Dobby's name, sir.''

''Do you know who I am?'

''You is Sirius Black, sir. You is a cousin to my mistress, sir. But you is not liked very much by her, nor by my master, sir,'' Dobby said honestly but without any malice.

''Yes.'' Sirius smiled at the elf wryly. ''I guess that much is obvious.''

The small creature studied the floor when it answered, ''Dobby is still sorry for your inconvenience, sir.''

Inconvenience. Well, that was probably one way of putting it, Sirius thought. Out loud he said, ''Dobby, you said something about a guest... is this guest maybe a little boy?''

Dobby fidgeted with a corner of the dirty pillowcase he wore. ''N-no sir, this is someone else, sir. Dobby may not speak about him to anyone, sir.''

Sirius sighed. House-elf loyalty was difficult to get around, but this one seemed to be at least a little willing. Dobby would not disobey a direct order, but that he was still here and talking to him was a sign that his loyalty was indeed forced rather than freely given.

''Do you know whether there is a little boy in this house? A boy who shouldn't be here? Who is kept here against his will?'' Sirius tried.

''There is a boy here, sir. My master's son, but...'' a tremble ran through the little creature, but then he whispered. ''He might not be the only one.'' He looked at Sirius horror-stricken before he ran to the corner and picked up a metal poker from a hook in the wall, beating himself over the head with it.

''Dobby! Dobby, stop! Stop!'' Sirius whispered urgently, and not a little guiltily. ''I guess you are not allowed to speak about this other boy either.''

Dobby shook his head, his big bulging green eyes wet and his ears drooping.

''Okay, so I'll just ask you something else,'' he murmured, worrying his bottom lip. ''Have you ever heard of a boy named Harry Potter, Dobby?''

The green eyes almost glowed now, ''Oh yes, sir.'' The elf nodded his head vigorously before it looked around, like he was afraid the walls might have eyes and ears. Sirius wouldn't rule it out.''Dobby knows, sir. Every creature has heard of Harry Potter, sir, for he is a hero to all of us, sir,'' the elf said in a hushed voice.

Sirius stared at the small elf that seemed to be glowing with admiration and swallowed. His heart was hammering like mad, and his stomach did a flip. ''Do- do you know where he is? Your master said he is here. Is your master right?'' he asked, the words almost painful so layered were they in hope.

''Yes, sir, Dobby's master is right, sir,'' the elf said looking very happy to say so.

''Did you ever speak to Harry Potter?''

Dobby shook his head. ''No, sir. Dobby is forbidden, sir.'' The elf looked sad.

''And you are not forbidden to speak to me?'' Sirius asked with a frown.

The elf's eyes widened, as if the thought only now occurred to it. ''Not explicitly, sir, but sir is right, Dobby better punish himself, sir.'' He grabbed the metal poker again, mumbling ''Dobby is a bad house-elf, a bad, bad house-elf...''

''No! No, that's not what I meant, Dobby. I am sure it is all right. Otherwise your master would have said something. You have done nothing wrong.''

''Dobby is not sure, sir. It's better to be safe, sir.''

Sirius closed his eyes in frustration. Over the years he had almost forgotten how obtuse house-elves could be. At least he knew now that Harry really was here, that this was not just Lucius playing with him. But he needed to know something else...

''Dobby, please, can you tell me... i-is Harry hurt, Dobby?''

When Dobby blinked at him and started to wring his hands, Sirius' stomach plunged. But then the elf said hesitantly, ''Dobby is sure there is only one injured person in his master's home, sir.''

Sirius breath caught. Only one person... but then he got it. Dobby was talking about him. And when he was the only one, Harry was alright, at least physically. But there was no guarantee that it would stay that way.

''Dobby, listen to me,'' Sirius said urgently, ''You don't want Harry to get hurt, do you?''

Dobby stared at him with a horrified expression on his wrinkled features. ''No, sir! Dobby only wants the best for Harry Potter, sir!''

''Then you have to help me save him, Dobby. Please. I need your help.''

The elf looked like it was about to cry. ''Oh, Dobby wants to save Harry Potter, sir, for he is in danger, in grave, grave danger! But Dobby is not allowed to speak about it, sir. Dobby cannot disobey his master... Dobby wants to, sir, but-'' And again the elf reached for the poker and started to beat it around his ears.

Sirius watched it horrified and helplessly.

~*H*~

''It's not working!''

Lucius Malfoy leaned against the mantle of the fireplace, his arms crossed over his chest, and regarded the ghostly, teenaged form of the future and past Dark Lord with barely hidden annoyance. He really didn't have the nerve or time for this.

''Then make it work,'' he snapped. ''Didn't you say it would not take long to claim him? Or have you been a little overconfident?''

Tom glared at him. ''Something is blocking me. I can't get a hold on him.'' He shook his head with a frown. ''It doesn't make sense. The boy is nothing but open. He is so soppy it makes me sick!'' His face screwed up with disgust and his voice took on a falsetto. '' 'Sirius I miss you', 'Sirius I love you'... ugh.''

''And what precisely do you want from me?'' Lucius asked, sounding bored.

''Maybe we need to try something else. A potion-''

''You do remember that time is of the essence here?'' Lucius interrupted him sharply. ''I won't allow you to use my son indefinitely, Tom. We had a deal, and I did my part.''

''The deal was that I would get the boy's soul. And I don't have it yet.'' Tom's ghostly dark eyes regarded him coolly. ''And what exactly do you think you can do to stop me using your little brat?'' he asked after a moment, his tone becoming mocking.

Lucius eyes narrowed and the other seemed to read his mind.

''Forget it,'' he sneered. ''You can't destroy it. I made sure of that.'' A slow smile stretched out over his features, and suddenly he looked older, much more like the man Lucius had served until seven years ago. ''I told you not to underestimate me, Lucius.''

''Then maybe you should try to impress me a little more!'' Lucius groused, as all his frustration came bubbling to the surface. ''I took a great risk by bringing the boy here and-'' he broke off suddenly when the wards flared up, looking around sharply as if he expected an intruder to come storming in at any second.

A moment later there was a loud knock on the front door. Lucius growled. Obviously the world had conspired to drive him crazy.

~*H*~

Malfoy Manor lay as magnificent and unapproachable as ever beyond the Muggle Repelling Charms and Outer Wards, maybe even more so with the vast gardens and all their grandness covered in a layer of snow and frost. His breath formed plumes of misty white in the cold morning air, and Severus buried his hands in the deep front pockets of his cloak. He walked stiffly up the gravel path, passing through the iron gates, as if they were but smoke. It was a seldom given sign of Lucius' trust, but then the true barrier had always been the Manor's walls themselves. In truth, Lucius probably trusted no one.

Severus had made this approach on numerous occasions, but today something felt unsettlingly different. There was a feeling of unease, as if invisible eyes were laying on him, watching him, but when his gaze roamed over the high windows, he couldn't see a single soul. Severus shook himself with a slight frown. He'd definitely spent too much time in the presence of Black's pet werewolf if the man's wild ideas started to threaten his own rationality.

With determined steps he made his way up to the main entrance and knocked sharply. A minute ticked by and then a second one. There was no reaction. With a deeper frown, Severus raised his hand and knocked again. Even if Lucius was not at home a house elf would certainly answer his call and tell him so. As if that thought had summoned it, the heavy door creaked open and the huge green eyeball of an elf peered up at him from behind it.

''I am here to see your master,'' Severus said with impatience, pushing the door further open, to enter the unusually gloomy entrance hall of the manor. ''Go and announce me!''

The house elf bowed deeply, but didn't move away from the door, ''Dobby is afraid his master is not able to entertain any guests at the moment, sir,'' it said, wringing its knobbly hands. The door was still held open, behind Severus, letting in the cold breeze. It was a stunningly plain and rude show how unwelcome Severus' presence was.

Severus turned around to the elf, looking at it sharply. ''I am sure that won't hold for me. I have a matter of importance to discuss with your master. Go and tell him that!''

The elf looked uncertainly from Severus to the door and back again, but then finally closed it. With another deep bow, it was gone. Severus took the opportunity to look around the hall for anything unusual. Lucius was a man who took pleasure in the display of his wealth, but though Severus couldn't quite place it, everything seemed strangely subdued this time.

''Severus.'' His thoughts were interrupted by a deep voice, coming from above. Turning, he caught sight of Lucius, impeccable as always, standing on the top step of the stairs. ''I am afraid this is not a good time for a visit.''

Severus acknowledged that with an incline of his head. ''I am sorry to disturb you then, but I believe that this matter is better settled quickly.''

Lucius' mouth thinned, but after a moment he nodded. ''Very well,'' he said, coming down the stairs. ''Let us go to the parlour, then.'' He waved Severus to go ahead, before he spoke over his shoulder, ''Dobby, bring us tea.''

The house-elf, which Severus had not seen behind its master, bowed with a ''Yes, sir, Master Lucius,'' and vanished.

Lucius followed Severus into the parlour and raised fires in the two opposing fireplaces, which, Severus realized with another frown, had lain cold and empty before. The blond wizard gestured for Severus to take a seat and Severus complied, studying the other man as he leaned back in the luxurious armchair. He couldn't help but notice that there was something like a well-hidden strain in Lucius' features.

''My apologies again for calling at an inopportune time,'' he said politely, but with the unvoiced question swinging in it.

Lucius waved it away as if it was of no consequence. ''You said it was important and could be settled quickly. I know you are not a man to idly waste my time, Severus. So what can I do for you?''

Severus folded his hands in his lap and raised his eyes to look directly at the other man before he spoke. ''Actually, Dumbledore sent me.''

The words hung in the silence of the room for a moment before Lucius raised a quizzical eyebrow. ''Did he? And what exactly does the great Albus Dumbledore need of me?'' he asked, reaching for his tea that had just materialized on the small table between them.

Severus picked up his cup as well and took a careful sip before he answered. ''He is looking for the Potter boy. You know of course that he vanished from the Ministry during Black's trial.''

Lucius inclined his head. ''Of course. And in what way does Dumbledore think I could be of assistance in the matter?''

''He thinks you took him.''

Lucius stilled, his face blank for a second before it settled into a frown. ''I have to assume that you are joking, old friend.''

Severus let his mouth curl into a small smile. ''Not at all. He sent me to investigate.''

Now Lucius openly scoffed. ''That's not only outrageous but ridiculous! My family is one of the oldest and most well respected in this country. What would I even want with that boy?''

''That he doesn't know.''

''Well then it seems that old bastard has finally lost his mind. It always seemed to be but a matter of time.''

''I told him the idea was ridiculous, but you know how he is. And he _is _still rather influential. Maybe I could just have a quick look around to keep him satisfied.''

Lucius frowned. ''I am not in the habit of letting others search my home, Severus. And I have neither the time not the patience to indulge the old fool. Narcissa is in France and Draco is sick. Like I said, you didn't come at a good time.''

''I am sorry to hear that. I will just tell Albus I didn't see anything suspicious then,'' Severus said with a sardonic smile, before he drained his cup and rose. He went to the door to leave, but then stopped and turned back towards the blond wizard. ''What did you say is Draco's affliction?''

''Oh, nothing too serious I am sure.''

''Shall I have a look at him?'' Severus asked. ''There might be a potion I could recommend...''

''He is sleeping right now. Thank you, Severus, but I'd rather not disturb him.''

''Of course.'' Severus nodded. ''Sleep will probably be the best remedy for him.''

''I am certain of it.'' Lucius agreed smoothly, leading Severus back to the hall. ''And give my regards to Dumbledore. I do hope you find the boy soon.''

''Well, I personally couldn't care less,'' Severus sneered, ''but I'm afraid the old goat won't rest until he has found him.''

They shared a mocking smile, and then Severus was back out in the cold, the door falling shut behind him, enclosing all its master's secrets.

~*H*~

When Lucius went back upstairs, Tom was gone and Draco was sleeping. Lucius had stopped in the open doorway to his son's room, hesitating before he stepped inside further and went over to the bed with the rich dark green bedspread. He stood in silence, looking down at the pale face, the sweaty blond brow and the grim set of the mouth. Time was running out. He could not stall any longer. Not when Albus Dumbledore was already sending people to snoop around. Not when there seemed to be less and less of Draco in the young face on the silk pillow each day. Lucius wasn't sure how long this could go on. He needed results, and he needed them now.

This, now, should have been the easy part. And it would be if that boy would just break. Lucius pressed is eyes closed, but he could still see the boy in front of him. The pale skin and the black hair, the pink bow of a mouth and the burning grey eyes. His hand squeezed into a fist, tightly, as if he could crush the child... man... bastard in it. He remembered the one moment of sweet victory, when he had known he had broken that stubborn spine and ground that pitiful smile of joy under his heel. He remembered the tears in the silver-grey eyes, and he remembered the relief when he had come back. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he wanted it again. But no, this time he wanted even more. He wanted him on his knees and he wanted him to beg.

_Those long limbs folded on the floor, black hair wild and grey eyes wilder and the voice pleading, ''Please, Lucius, I beg of you... do with me what you will, but don't hurt my-''_

Lucius opened his eyes and there was a soft, condescending smile playing around the corners of his mouth and a mad gleam in his eyes. He might just get all his wishes after , this would truly destroy him. Both of them. And then the boy would be ripe for the picking.

~*H*~

Remus was waiting. Something he was becoming truly tired of. He had wasted much too much of his life already waiting. He wished he could be more like Sirius, who just stormed ahead without hesitation, something Remus chided his friend for as much as he admired it. Time was crawling with infinite slowness, measured by the faint sound of the school clock that declared, eternity after eternity, that nothing more than another fifteen minutes had passed. He couldn't decide whether it was a good or bad sign that Severus was taking so long. Maybe it meant he had found something, or maybe it meant he was just having a good time with his buddy Lucius, drinking to the possible end of one Sirius Black.

Meanwhile Remus was pacing, silently counting his steps, in the corridor in front of Snape's quarters. It had drawn the suspicious looks of more than one student, but Remus couldn't bring himself to give a care. Let them think he was a lunatic. Ha! And wasn't that just the word for him? A _luna_tic. Whatever people wanted to think of him, Albus, Molly, Severus, random students – Remus didn't care anymore. Again, he had spent much too much time worrying about it. Now all he could think, worry and feel was the fear of losing the two people whose opinion, whose feelings for him actually truly mattered, and damn anyone straight to hell and back who stood in the way of his finding them and saving them and-

''Is there something you wanted, or are you just trying to break in a new pair of shoes?''

Never had Severus' haughty sneer sounded so beautiful to Remus' ears. He spun around on his heel, catching himself from a near fall, breathing out the one hopeful question that had been running like a prayer through his mind.

"Did you find anything?"

''Obviously, like anyone with a set of functioning senses, I found a lot of things. What I did not find was a trace of your mongrel and his puppy,'' Severus answered waspishly, moving past Remus to enter his office.

''Yes, but what did Lucius say? How did he act?'' Remus asked eagerly, trailing after the other man, who opened the door to his rooms and all but tried to shut it in Remus' face, which the werewolf prevented with a determined hand. ''Did you talk to him at all?'' he scowled, losing his patience as he entered Severus' office behind him, ignoring the glare that was sent in his direction from obsidian eyes.

''Of course I talked with Lucius Malfoy, just like Albus insisted. He simply had nothing much to say on matters that would be of any interest to you.''

''Why? What did you talk about?''

''I told him Albus suspects him and he reacted with the confusion and outrage that was to be expected.''

''You told him WHAT!''

''It was a method to gauge his reaction, Lupin. He seemed truly stunned by the idea.''

Remus glared at Severus through narrowed eyes. ''And did you have a chance to look around?''

''Not really. Apparently Draco has fallen ill, so he was rather preoccupied and not in the mood for a social call.''

Remus frown deepened. ''His child was sick? Isn't he about Harry's age?''

''I believe so.''

''If he's so worried, why wouldn't he bring the boy to St. Mungo's?''

''He said it was nothing serious.''

''Did you see the boy?''

''No, he was sleeping.''

''And?''

''And Lucius didn't want to disturb him. Really Lupin, is there any purpose to your questions?''

''If it's nothing serious and he didn't feel the need to have him checked over at 's, why didn't he let you see him? And if he was so worried he didn't want that, why isn't he taking him to a healer?''

Severus raised an eyebrow at him in what obviously was his way of underlining his last question.

''Don't you think that is suspicious?'' Remus asked full of urgency.

''I think you see what you want to see, Lupin,'' Severus scoffed.

''And I think you ignore what you don't want to see, _Snape_!'' Remus growled. ''Lucius Malfoy has you wound around his little finger. He blows some sugar up your arse and you leave without so much as a glance around, swallowing all the bollocks he is feeding you!''

''Since we obviously don't agree on this matter and there is little probability that we will do so in the near future, why don't you leave my office and rant at somebody else?'' the other man hissed venomously.

Remus stared at him not a little shocked. ''Is that all you have to say? Won't you report what you just told me to Albus?''

''I will report to the headmaster as soon as he comes back, not that there is anything of interest to report, so excuse me if I am able to reign in my excitement.''

''Nothing to report? We need to get back to Malfoy Manor, search the place, interrogate the bastard if necessary.''

''And I am sure you have a valid reason for the Auror's to take action,'' Snape scoffed.

Remus stilled and then swallowed painfully. ''I know something is off here. I know it.''

''Oh, you _know_ it, well why didn't you say so? I am sure _that_ will convince even the Minister himself, to investigate one of the most prestigious families in England!''

''_Severus_...''

''Good day.''

''Don't you see th-''

''I see that you are the same pathetic wimp you always were, hanging on to Black's tailcoats. That's _all _I can see, Lupin. And frankly, it bores me to tears!''

''Fine,'' Remus said coldly, straightening his shoulders which brought him to almost the same height as Snape. ''I will find them on my own. I knew we shouldn't have expected you to be any help!''

~*H*~

Lucius regarded his prisoner with restored calm and confidence. The man on the floor might think this was a battle of wills but then a battle would have afforded two at least roughly equal parties and a measure of uncertainty about the outcome. Black might think he still had a chance to change his fate, but Lucius knew better. They were almost at the end now, and Lucius was torn between thrill and something that might have been close to disappointment.

In the end Black's neck would break from his greatest weakness. Having been slowly and efficiently stripped of all he held dear, there was now but one thing left. One thing Lucius could take from him and break in front of his eyes, letting him watch, helpless and weak until it destroyed what was left of him. Lucius was certain, when the boy broke, so would Sirius, maybe it would not even take that long.

''You know, I have been thinking,'' Lucius started conversationally, not really looking at the chained man.

''That must have been fascinating,'' his prisoner coughed, obviously not able to be less of an annoying prat even if all it earned him was more pain. Lucius really should have known that pain was not much of a motivation for Black.

''I really have been unnecessarily cruel to you,'' Lucius went on as if Black had not spoken at all, further ignoring the incredulous look the last statement gained him. ''Here you are, all anxious and worried about your dear little godson, and I haven't made any concession to take those worries from you.''

Black didn't react, but the lack of reaction said much more than any facial expression could have done. Grey eyes regarded him steadily. Black didn't allow himself either hope or despair.

''Would you like to see young Harry?'' Lucius asked kindly, revelling when he saw Black swallowing heavily. Then he waited. His words lay like a tasty bait between them. Lucius could almost see the thoughts and feelings chasing each other behind the closed off expression. If Black said 'no', he might lose his only chance to find out whether his dear godson was really here at Malfoy Manor and whether he was alright. If he said 'yes' he would give Lucius the satisfaction of seeing a hint of vulnerability for what might be only a cruel game of his. And if Harry was indeed in Lucius' home, he would allow him in the proximity of his little boy, would make him a witness of his godfather's suffering. Not that Lucius needed Sirius permission, but the righteous idiot would probably still struggle to give him anything resembling consent.

''Yes.''

Or maybe not... But Lucius wasn't about to make it that easy.

''Yes, what?'' Lucius asked amused.

''Yes, I would like to see Harry.''

''Remember your manners when you speak to your superiors, Black.''

The man rolled his eyes. ''Yes, I would like to see Harry, please. Sir,'' he said and Lucius was almost impressed, if not a little disappointed, that he had managed to keep out any trace of mocking.

He regarded Black silently for a few more moments before he said, ''Very good. Since you asked so nicely I will grant you this,'' and with a few waves of his wand the chains came off the walls and reattached themselves to each other so that Black's ankles and wrists were bound to one another as well as to the collar on his neck. A single chain spread out from its front towards Lucius, who took it and tugged it sharply, signalling Black to get up.

Black barely managed to get on his feet, there was almost no leeway in the chains and the man wasn't exactly in the best shape, but when he finally stood he kept his head held high, as if he was wearing the most elegant dress robes instead of shackles and a layer of filth. Lucius didn't remark upon it. Let the moron believe that he was able to keep a slither of dignity. He would soon enough be stripped of it. After a moment of contemplation, Lucius waved his wand again and a filthy rag of a blanket came flying from a corner to wind itself around Black's legs and waist until it transformed into a pair of tight black trousers. Sirius only raised a silent eyebrow.

The walk up through the manor was slow and difficult. Well it was difficult for Black, for Lucius it was mostly annoying. They reached the first floor and a pair of carved wooden doors, and Lucius stopped his little pet with another tug on the leash. Black turned around and looked at him warily.

''Just one little thing,'' Lucius said before he silently cast a Stunning Spell and a Silencing Charm, enjoying the slight widening of his prisoner's eyes. He dropped the chain and reached inside his coat, pulling out a neatly folded bundle of silky shimmering material. Black's eyes met his, and there was so much silent anger it told Lucius immediately that Black understood what was coming. ''I said you could see him. I didn't say anything about him seeing you, or you talking to him. Really, Black, even you can't be that much of an idiot.''

~*H*~

Albus had been listening to Severus' report in silence, not interrupting him and only raising a quizzical eyebrow a few times. It wasn't what Albus had expected exactly, but he trusted Severus to know what he was doing. He knew there was always a fine line to tread for the younger man, because even now that Voldemort was gone they had agreed that Severus position was much too valuable to give up. And then Albus had always known that the last battle with Tom Riddle had yet to be fought.

When Severus had finished, Albus studied his potions master with contemplating eyes.

''That was an interesting approach, if I might say so.''

''Lucius Malfoy is an intelligent and suspicious man. It is always best to lie by telling at least a bit of the truth.''

Albus nodded thoughtfully. ''And has your perception of the situation and Lucius Malfoy's possible role in it changed since we last spoke?'' he asked finally.

''No. It hasn't,'' Severus answered brusquely.

''Hmmm.'' Albus got up and went to the high window, staring over the grounds of the school. It would not be easy, but maybe Arthur could be useful in this situation. And of course... ''Did you meet Remus before you came here?''

The dark eyes of his potion master narrowed. ''Why do you ask?''

''I am curious why he isn't here. He is probably even more worried than the rest of us about Sirius and Harry.''

One corner of Severus' mouth pulled down in hidden contempt. He probably didn't like the insinuation that he might actually be worried at all about the boy, much lee about the man.

''He was treading a ditch in front of my quarters when I came back.''

Albus could imagine that very well. Remus was torturing himself and it had been difficult to keep him from running to confront Lucius Malfoy himself. Albus closed his eyes. ''Did you tell Remus about your visit?" he asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

Severus gave him a look. Albus sighed. He suddenly had an inkling of what might be the reason for Remus not being there.

~*H*~

Harry was there. It was the only thought Sirius was capable of right now. Harry was there. Right there in front of him on the window seat, looking uncertainly at Lucius, who smiled at his little boy in a way that made Sirius want to strangle the bastard. But Sirius couldn't move. He couldn't even lift a finger. He was bound and frozen, hidden away from view in a corner of the room. It must have been what Lucius had wanted, a new method of torture, for Sirius to be so close to his son and not able to reach him, speak to him and comfort him. All Sirius could do was feast his eyes on Harry, drink in the sight of his sweet little pup, unhurt and whole, and will him to somehow feel his godfather's presence.

Lucius send a triumphant look his way before he turned towards the little boy. ''Hello, Harry,'' he said and his smile was fake and awful and Sirius wanted to punch it back into his face. But Lucius went on ignoring him, something that probably wasn't very difficult seeing that Sirius was invisible.

Harry, the little sweet-heart, slid down from his seat and with his little hands tugging at his trousers, looked up at the unfamiliar blond man from under his eyelashes.

''Hello,'' he whispered so quietly Sirius was hardly able to hear it.

''I am sorry that we haven't been able to meet each other properly until now, Harry,'' Lucius said, moving further into the room, almost like a predator moving in on his prey, before he went and sat down smoothly on the foot of the huge four-poster bed. ''I am really happy that we finally have the opportunity to get to know each other.''

Harry blinked, shifting from one foot to the other. He obviously felt uncomfortable, even though he didn't know what was going on. He always had been shy with strangers and Lucius was nothing but intimidating.

''Won't you come here, Harry, and sit with me for a bit?'' Lucius patted the green velvet bedspread next to him. ''From what I heard about you from your godfather, I think we could be really great friends,'' he said with this faked kindness that made acid curl in Sirius' stomach and his pulse quicken. He didn't know what Lucius was up to, and it scared him.

Harry seemed unsure, but he had been taught to do as he was told, and at the mention of Sirius, his eyes immediately seemed to radiate interest and excitement. He shuffled over to the bed and looked up at Lucius.

''H-Have you seen my godfather?''

''Of course. He is the one who asked me to take care of you, isn't he?''

Sirius most definitely wasn't, but Harry once more nodded, and then Lucius bent down, grabbed Harry under the armpits and heaved him up on the bed. Harry gave a small sound of surprise and distress, and his small body went stiff in an expectation of harm that was still imprinted in his subconscious and that made Sirius want to rip him from the bed and pull him into a tight embrace.

Lucius hand stroked over Harry's black unruly hair. ''You are a very sweet boy, Harry,'' he drawled, trailing his hand down Harry's cheek. ''I bet you would make an adorable little pet.''

''TAKE YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF HIM!''

Lucius whole body whipped around towards Sirius while Harry's head shot up as well, his eyes wide and searching. Only then did Sirius realize that the words had been spoken out loud. By him.

~*H*~

Remus knew he was being stupid. He knew that he was gaining exactly nothing by standing in the freezing cold, staring at the mighty and impenetrable walls of Malfoy Manor. And yet he couldn't leave. He tried not to rationalize too much about the possibility that he was at the totally wrong place. Because even if Remus would bite off his own tongue before he admitted it, Severus was right. However much Lucius behaviour might draw suspicion, and Remus knew that his own desperation might play a bigger part in that than the bastard himself, it proved next to nothing. Sirius might not be behind these walls, he might already be dead. But that was something Remus could not think about without feeling the urge to vomit, so he pushed those doubts away and stared. He stayed and stared, as if his willpower alone would be enough to penetrate the thick walls. He stayed because somewhere deep in his guts he had a feeling.

And wasn't that just too hilarious to think about? Maybe he should ask Rufus Scrimgeour to get a search warrant because of a werewolf's _feelings. _At least that would give people something to laugh about. It wasn't like Remus had any talents in divination, a field that was frowned upon even in general. Remus had never seen anything in his tea cups but soggy leaves and all the orb had ever shown him was his own reflection. But things were different where Sirius was involved. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part, but Remus felt _connected _to him, connected like he had never felt to anybody else, not even his parents. Like Sirius filled something that had been empty and hollow inside of him. He had tried to ignore it, had made so many mistakes, but even if this was where it all had lead him, he simply couldn't give up on Sirius again.

He eyed the iron gates, of which he knew that the more difficult part to penetrate was the magic. He carefully waved his wand to detect the hints of wards that enveloped the property like a dark cloak, making Remus shiver with the ancient magic that had been used in some and that was bound to blood and oaths and darkness. He had no chance of getting in there, Remus knew that, most certainly not without raising alarms and defences, and not with all his limbs attached. He just didn't know how long it would take until he wouldn't care anymore.

~*H*~

''S-Sirius?'' The word was a whisper falling from trembling lips.

Sirius wanted to fall to his knees at the sound, but of course he couldn't.

_Yes, Harry it is me_, he called. Or better he would have, if his lips had been moving. Which they weren't. Neither were his vocal cords. Sirius cursed silently and helplessly in his mind. But Harry was still staring at the not so empty corner of the room, where Sirius stood hidden, and then he slipped from the bed and made a hesitant step in his direction.

''Sirius?'' the little boy asked quietly. ''Are you here? Can you hear me?''

The hope in Harry's voice nearly broke Sirius' heart.

Lucius sent a nasty glare in Sirius direction, and stood up, reaching out to pull Harry back. But Harry suddenly gasped and took another step, pointing with a trembling hand at something on the floor. Sirius eyes dropped and he would have gasped as well if his body had not been stiff like a board. There was a foot. Part of a foot to be precise. Dirty and bare and seemingly attached to nothing. The invisibility cloak must have shifted when Sirius had called out. Had he made a movement as well? Was it possible to achieve it again?

But before Sirius could contemplate what had happened and how he could make it happen again, a voice came from the doorway.

''Care to tell me what the hell you think you are doing here?''

Sirius eyes searched for the source and would have widened in shock as he found it if it had been possible at all. He wasn't even sure what exactly he was seeing. It looked like an older boy, a teenager about sixteen maybe, but there was something wrong about him. He looked washed out, like an apparition of some kind but more solid than a ghost. But the most disturbing thing about him was the expression on his face, which was an ugly sneer that seemed to distort the otherwise handsome features.

''Tom,'' Lucius said stiffly. ''I hope you have rested well?''

''Apparently well enough for you to try to pull this little stunt behind my back,'' the Tom person answered in a haughty tone.

Lucius eyebrows rose up high in his forehead. ''Do you honestly have the delusion that I would seek your permission for what I do in my own home?'' he scoffed.

The sneer on the teenager's face flared into something much more dangerous and cold, and Sirius breath caught. However deluding the appearance might be, he knew this thing was powerful and evil. But why was it here? What was Lucius doing with it?

''You are the delusional one, Lucius, if you think that you have ever had any say in this. You and your pathetic obsession with the freak from a family of sophomorics. You thought you could use me for your own interests, your own gain. Me. Lord Voldemort!''

The last words rang in Sirius ears and he felt his blood freezing in his veins. It could not be. The monster was dead. Gone since the fateful night that brought Sirius' life crashing down. Sirius had never really met Voldemort in person. But surely the dark wizard had to be much older? But something deep inside him knew it was true. Voldemort had bathed in the Dark Arts where others had dabbled, some even thought he was beyond something so natural as death, and this creature before him certainly was something very unnatural. This _thing_ exuded evilness like an icy draft.

It didn't really matter how and why it was possible, all Sirius could really think right now was that this was James and Lily's murderer and that Harry was standing not five yards away from him.

''I am getting tired of this, Lucius,'' Voldemort spoke again. ''It's time you got your priorities straight. And I think that won't happen until I get rid of the object of your obsession.''

And suddenly there was a wand directed straight at the empty space that Sirius inhabited.

''Maybe it will even break the boy's resistance when he sees his dear _beloved_ godfather die.''

The blaze in Voldemort's eyes was hard and cruel and gleeful when he whipped his wand up, and Sirius felt the invisibility cloak being ripped forcefully away from his head and shoulders.

''Sirius!'' Harry cried, starting forward.

And then everything happened at once.

Voldemort drew back his wand, his eyes focused on Sirius with a contemptuous smile.

Sirius felt his arms move to stretch out to Harry, as his voice cried somewhere, ''Harry – NO!''

Harry didn't seem to hear. He rushed towards Sirius, who looked at Voldemort, who was speaking words straight from a nightmare.

''AVADA KEDAVRA!''

And Sirius threw himself forward, hands stretched out to Harry, back turning towards Voldemort and his wand, and there was a feeling like something ripped apart in his chest, as his absolute hate for the murderer of his brothers and the absolute love for the boy who was his son slammed into each other and erupted in an explosion of heat and blinding white, and then there was fire.

A wall of fire, all-consuming and hungry, starving, lusting. And the fire was raising its head, and it ROARED.

TBC

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**A/N: Let it all out. Push the button and leave a comment! :)**

**Reviewers Anonymous**: **Billa** (who I unfortunately have to assure that I do not own the characters), **read addiction** (who's comments are like hot chocolate, rich, deep and simply making you feel all good and warm inside), **Mia** (who's enthusiasm always makes me smile), **Bluemoon** (who pays attention to the prose and never fails to comment on it), **merlinspants** (who assured me I still got it), **HebHibHob **(whom I managed to cover in goosebumps and she still wrote me a lovely review), **Emily** and **windstar** (who told me they enjoyed the story which is after all what it's all about) **- Thank you very much! x Zaira  
**


	26. Hope

**A/N: Hallelujah, I am back! **I am sorry I kept you waiting for so long, but while you were waiting, I was vomiting so I still think you got the better deal. ;) I know some have worried that I had abandoned this story. I promise I haven't and I won't! I can now say with a measure of certainty that it will be two more chapters and an epilogue. And I give myself a timeline. I want to finish it before my baby is due, which is mid-September. So this is the home straight, folks!

Many thanks to all of you who left me a review or a message, who asked about the story and told me how much you enjoyed it.

Many thanks to my dear beta, ambush99, who was ready for action in the blink of an eye when I finally was able to resume writing.

And many thanks to my dear comrade in arms, Carolyn, who made even the vomiting days brighter!

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**_What happened last time_**_... Harry became suspicious whether the diary really is what ist seems. Severus paid a visit to Malfoy Manor and found he wasn't very welcome. __Remus lost the last of his patience and decided to take action. __Lucius played a twisted game, trying to break Sirius, while the other played his own game with a very different set of rules and ended up unleashing a monster... _

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**Chapter 25 - Hope**

It was like a shock wave, a blast of magic so powerful that it threw him off his feet, and for a moment Remus wasn't sure where he was, what he'd been doing and which way was up anyway.

Dizzy and disoriented, as residual magic tingled through his nerve-endings, it took him a moment before he realized he was lying on his back, staring up at the endless blue of the sky above him while black dots were dancing in his vision. Then he slowly became aware of the cold and the wetness of the snow soaking through the back of his trousers and melting into his collar. What in Merlin's name...

He scrambled back to his feet, brushing the snow from his cloak hastily, and looked around himself with wild eyes. Behind him Malfoy Manor still stood haughty and forbidding, as if nothing had happened at all. But something _had_ happened, something was _still_ happening, and it made the hair at the nape of his neck stand on end and his skin prickle. He tentatively took hold of his wand again. But before he could mutter a single spell, there was a sound like something bursting apart, followed by a deep and rattling roar. Remus eyes shot up, and as if in slow motion he could see the rain of shards falling through the air in a glittering arch. And then flames burst from a window on the first floor. But they weren't flames like Remus had ever seen them before. It was like a beast, built from fire, forming and reforming, and then it was _sucked _back inside and Remus was left staring wide-eyed and shaken while the images still danced their residual on his retina.

He acted without thinking when he shot a Reductor Spell at the iron gate, and only let the surprise halt him for a second when the gate was blasted backwards, leaving the way wide open. He didn't care whether he was trespassing, he didn't think about the danger or whether he would even be able to get inside, he only had that feeling which told him that Sirius was inside these walls, that Harry was, and so was a fucking fire monster.

Remus was already half way down the gravel path when he hesitated for a moment. He was just one person, and he didn't know what was waiting for him. He didn't know what dangers Sirius and Harry were in, but the chances were that he couldn't do this alone. He needed help. With a trembling hand Remus cast another spell.

''Expecto Patronum!''

A silver dog erupted from the tip of his wand, running in a circle before it came bounding back to him, its silver tongue lolling from its mouth. Remus directed his wand at the dog before he spoke.

''Something happened inside Lucius' Manor. Powerful magic has been evoked. I am afraid they are in danger. I can't wait any longer. If you will, your help would be appreciated.''

Remus waved his wand a last time and the silver dog vanished. The wizard turned back to the manor, all but running down the path to the main entrance.

~*H*~

There was fire, hot and blazing and screaming. Blindingly dark and ferociously hungry. There were forms in the flames, changing and exploding almost too quickly for anyone to recognize, and for precious moments Lucius Malfoy lost his normally so cool and collected countenance, stumbling back against the bed almost frozen in shock and disbelief. His calculating mind tried to make sense of what he knew and what he saw.

Tom had somehow acquired a wand and had used the Killing Curse on Black... and there had been the boy and then... A burning hot claw of fire swung at him and Lucius barely managed to duck, throwing himself out of the way of the roaring beast before it managed to burn him and, before he knew it, he was running.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the huge four-poster bed he'd been sitting on a few minutes ago crumble to ashes, carpets blowing up in clouds of fiery dust and sparks while thick smoke and flames billowed to the ceiling. He had no idea where Black was or what had happened to the boy, but right now he could only think of one thing and that was to get out of here. The flames were diminishing whatever stood in their way, building higher, almost as if they were drawing breath from whatever they devoured, and, with a last urge, Lucius threw himself through the door, pulling it shut behind him before the glowing jaws of a dragon's head could swallow him whole.

For a moment the noise and turmoil was dampened and Lucius frantically murmured every sealing spell he knew, but instinct told him that neither his magic nor the heavy door could stop this monstrosity. Maybe nothing could. Just as this thought had materialized in his head the door shuddered as if from the impact of something _solid _and _huge_. Trembling, Lucius drew back. Shaking fingers nervously touched the singed ends of his hair while his scrambling mind tried to find an explanation or, better yet, a solution. A spell, a dark artifact, anything that would help him fight the monster that had been unleashed in the very heart of his home. How... where had it come from?

Another impact shook the door and, horrified, Lucius saw a crack appear in the solid, magically enhanced material. Subconsciously he drew another couple of steps back when suddenly the pale form of Tom Riddle appeared next to him in the corridor.

Tom's eyes were wide and glowing with an insane light. ''Get the diary!'' he hissed, his voice urgent and his handsome features twisting into an ugly mask. For a second Lucius didn't even know what he was talking about. ''Hurry!'' the apparition screeched hysterically, ''What in Salazar's name are you waiting for?''

Maybe it was the sight of the ghostly figure of his former master losing all his composure, maybe it was the next blow against the door which sent splinters of glowing embers into the corridor, but Lucius did indeed not wait any longer. He flew down the corridor, his thoughts running wild of how to save, what to save...

And then the door exploded and suddenly the hall was on fire, the roaring head of a lion with eyes of glowing amber and a flickering mane of dancing flames raced down towards him. Lucius could already feel the hot breath on his neck, the smell of singed cloth and burning hair filled his nose when he reached his goal and another door he could slam and lock behind him. Unfortunately this one shut him in inside a room with no further exit.

Lucius was in too much of a panic to feel the fear, in too much shock to grasp the situation, but some primal urge, some hidden feeling, had made him turn towards this room, forsaking whatever else he might hold dear. He made a rush to the bed with the dark green spread, stood against the opposite wall, when once more the pale ghost of the young Dark Lord appeared in his way. He did not resemble the handsome teenager anymore. His eyes glowed red, his hair and clothes were in disarray and his mouth was twisted in a cruel and malicious sneer.

''You think you can just run from me? You think you can _betray _me?'' he spat. ''If you think you can save your boy this way you are mistaken. I have a claim on him and I won't let him go. When I die, he will go with me!''

Lucius eyes jumped to the white face of the small boy, lying in the bed like a marble statue. And suddenly the boy's eyes opened and Lucius had to swallow down a sound of dismay when he saw the same glowing red in his son's eyes. Draco, or rather Draco's body, sat up, smiling at his father like a twisted angel.

''Bring. Me. The Diary,'' he whispered in a horrible voice. The body of his son looked like a rag-doll when it slowly stood up from the bed, coming closer.

''What in Mordred's name do you expect?'' Lucius shouted, fear seeping into his agitation now. ''Has it escaped your attention that the manor is on fire!''

''Then you better hurry!'' came the hiss from Draco's mouth.

Right then the room shuddered again from the angry assault that was raging outside the room. The door was creaking and fine cracks were spreading like spiderwebs in the paint on the walls.

''You are insane!'' Lucius whispered. ''Going out there would be suicide. The book was in the room right next to the boy's... It's lost!''

''Then use the fireplace, I don't care how you do it! Or maybe you'd rather have me make sweet little Draco here fetch it for me?''

''No!'' Lucius took a step forwards, placing himself between Draco and the hearth.

The boy's eyes gleamed with insanity. ''This body is under my control, and I won't leave it until I have what I w-.''

And then Draco suddenly screamed. It was a sound that made the blood freeze in Lucius' veins. The small, pale hands of his son reached for him, drawing into claws, the eyes locked on Lucius' own, pleading. Lucius couldn't move, could just stare in unbridled horror, as his son's small body collapsed, twisting like something was trying to claw itself out from inside of him. Then he lay still. Next to him stood the translucent form of Tom Riddle, looking from Lucius to the crumpled body in shocked disbelief before he lowered his eyes down to his hands.

Ghostly blisters were appearing on the white skin, and when the teenage boy raised his head again, Lucius saw them spreading over his face as well. It was a horrific sight, as the flesh started to break up, being eaten away from the bones until the apparition crumbled in a charcoaled pile on the floor, turning to nothing but smoke.

Lucius blinked.

And then, while the door to the room crashed open in flames, he pulled the limp body of his son into his arms and threw himself out of the window, with a hastily mumbled cushioning charm on his lips.

~*H*~

_James looked at him with his eyebrows raised and a fond smile on his face._

_''What are you doing, Padfoot?''_

_They were lying in a field some miles outside of Godric's Hollow, the late September sun warming both their tired limbs after the broom ride. The grass below them had the distinct smell of hay and summers coming to an end. Sirius looked up from where he had been shifting around the little bundle they had brought,_ _fussing_ _with cloth and blankets._

_''I'm shielding my godson from vicious bugs and the evil rays of the sun. You are aware that babies shouldn't get too much sun, __aren't_ _you?''_

_James' grin spread over his sun-tanned face. ''I am. I wasn't fully aware that you had become so wise in the issues of childcare, though...''_

_''I have a responsibility, Prongs,'' Sirius said, raising his own slim black eyebrow at him. ''What do you take me for?''_

_''Well, I sure didn't suspect you'd turn all Mary Poppins on me,'' James said with a laugh, sprawling next to his friend in the grass._

_''Mary's got nothing on me!'' Sirius grumbled. ''Flying with an umbrella? What a joke! Really, Muggles have the most ludicrous stories...'''_

_''At least she never breaks her bones. I'm worried about you, Padfoot.''_

_Sirius frowned. ''Why do you say that?''_

_''You can be quite reckless. And you have no regard for your own safety.''_

_''That's not true. I'm quite fond of all my limbs and body parts. There are just a few things that are more important to me.''_

_James nodded, lazily chewing on a blade of grass. ''Maybe. But, still, promise me you'll be careful? He only has you.''_

_''What do you mean?'' Sirius asked a little confused._

_But James didn't answer._

~*H*~

If there had been any doubt that something was very wrong in the House of Malfoy, the fact that the doors gave way to Remus' simple push without so much as a magical jar would have blown it away for good. Whatever had happened here it had severely screwed with the wards or maybe any magic in the vicinity. Remus wasn't sure whether he wanted to even imagine what kind of power would be able to do that, but it didn't keep him from pushing the door open, and, with a nervously beating heart, he slipped inside.

The pompous and under normal circumstances awe-inspiring entrance hall lay dark and foreboding, like the manor had been deserted, if maybe only a short time ago. Remus was treading carefully and with barely a sound, but in the silence of the grand hall every shuffle seemed to be magnified and echoed back at him, reinforcing the feeling that _something_ was here, _something_ was watching him.

After a few minutes that stretched like hours, Remus couldn't take it anymore. ''Hello? Is someone here?'' he asked quietly into the darkness. ''The door was open.'' Well, that wasn't so far from the truth.

For a moment nothing happened, and just when Remus felt sure that he must have been imagining the invisible eyes on him, a voice came from around his left elbow.

''You shouldn't be here,'' it said in a high-pitched whisper.

Remus jerked around, his heart nearly jumping out of his chest, trying its best to make a run for it, something his feet were unable or unwilling to do. His eyes frantically searched the darkness around him.

But there was nobody there.

''W-who are you?'' he whispered uncertainly. ''Where-''

''I is no one, sir,'' the voice peeped.

''And yet you are here, talking to me...''

''Dobby shouldn't,'' came the voice very hesitantly and from further away this time. ''But Dobby doesn't want anyone else to get hurt.''

''Anyone else?'' Remus swallowed. ''Someone... who got hurt? Please...'' He hesitated, but then decided there wasn't much to lose. ''I am looking for my friends...''

''Dobby can't say. Dobby is not allowed.''

''Do you know where they are? My friends... a wizard, and a small boy. His name is Harry.''

''Dobby is not allowed,'' the voice squeaked again, sounding agitated and conflicted.

''Then I have to find them on my own,'' Remus declared with determination.

''No! Sir mustn't. Sir must go. There is danger here, grave danger. Sir can't go upstairs!''

''Is that where they are held?'' Remus asked sharply.

For a moment there was no answer, then, ''There are dungeons in this house. There is a prisoner. But Sir shouldn't go there either. It is too dangerous. Soon it will be everywhere. Dobby doesn't want-''

''What? What don't you want? ...Dobby?''

But there was no more answer.

All his life Remus had been a careful person. He wasn't someone to flippantly ignore a warning. But here and now, feeling that he was finally so close, he knew he was entirely unable to desert those he was looking for. Maybe for the first time he understood what made Sirius run into danger without hesitation, willing to lay his life down for someone he loved. There was no turning back. He had come to the lion's den, and even now his skin prickled with the uncontrolled magic in the air. All his instincts, werewolf and wizard, were on overload. But whatever evil was lurking in this house, if it had Sirius and Harry in its clutches, it didn't matter the chances... Remus was prepared to fight.

There were sounds now, ominous creaking and groaning sounds like the manor itself was moving, and the hair in Remus' neck was standing on end. Down here there was no trace of smoke or flame, and for a moment he wondered if he had imagined the fiery beast, but his rational mind told him he hadn't. He looked around himself, uncertain where to search first. Dobby had said he shouldn't go upstairs, had said there was a prisoner in the dungeons, and while either of those could be a trap, something told him it had been an honest warning.

At least the dungeons would be as good a place as any to start. Remus hastened his steps, slipping from one shadow to the next as he passed through deserted, cold rooms with his wand ready. But the only stairs he did find led to a wine-cellar and no further. Lucius Malfoy was a careful man after all, whatever he had to hide, he would hide well. So Remus pressed along walls of paneled wood, searching for any kind of hidden door, but soon abandoned that search as fruitless. His instincts told him that his time was running out, and so he found himself back in the entrance hall, his eyes sweeping up the grand marble staircase. All his instincts told him that way lay danger, but maybe that just meant that it was where he had to go.

There was no way to hide on a staircase and Remus took the steps at a run until he reached a long corridor that made a turn to the left further down. Taking a deep breath Remus followed it down, soon realizing that the smell of smoke became more intense the closer he got to the bend. When he reached the corner, he hesitated, but only for a moment. Then, with his wand raised before him he thrust his head out to take a look.

Every nerve-ending in his body froze. The corridor was ablaze. And then, just before he could pull back, something like a head in the flames whipped around and glowing, fiery eyes fixed on his before the flames exploded and a ball of fire raced down the corridor towards him.

Remus stumbled backwards, and only seconds later realized that someone had grabbed his arm and was pulling him back, down the way he had come from.

~*H*~

_''Damn, why is it so hot? It's already September it shouldn't be this hot.''_

_''Maybe you should get into the shade,'' James said, and the smile he gave Sirius couldn't hide the worry in his eyes._

_''I can't.'' Sirius rolled his eyes, since it should be obvious. ''There is Harry.'' He was still curled around the little baby-boy to shadow him from the sun._

_James just nodded sadly, and Sirius frowned. He pulled out his wand, waving it around with a mumbled cooling spell, sending a relieving breeze of cool air over them._

_''You shouldn't exhaust it, you know,'' James mumbled, not looking at him._

_''Huh? Exhaust what?''_

_''Your magic.''_

_''Don't be silly!'' Sirius laughed, but then he suddenly started coughing. ''Do you smell that?'' he asked, looking around. ''It smells like someone's burning something...''_

_James nodded and pointed at the clouds of smoke billowing up from behind a line of trees further down the field._

_''Might be some farmer on his potato field,'' Sirius said uncertainly._

_''It's still too early for that.''_

_''What else do you suspect?'' Sirius asked with a trace of mockery. ''Even Death Eaters take a __break_ _on a day like this. They would be sweating too much under their black coat's and masks.'' He grinned._

_''There is always evil and danger around, sometimes it can even lie inside ourselves,'' James said ominously._

_''What in Godric's name are you talking about?'' Sirius demanded with an exasperated laugh._

_''You have to stop now. You have to go back.''_

_Sirius' frown deepened, but then he looked at the clouds of smoke warily and bit his lip. ''Yeah, maybe we should fly back to Godric's Hollow...''_

_''Is that where you think you are?''_

_Sirius turned around in surprise when James' voice suddenly came from further away. He saw his friend standing halfway down the field, the trees behind him were on fire and the sky was painted in an eerie orange shine, like the whole world was on fire. Suddenly Sirius wasn't so sure that Godric's Hollow lay behind the slope of that hill. He wanted to reach for their brooms, but they were gone. Only Harry was still lying in the grass on his blanket. He had started to cry._

_''You have to stop, Sirius. It's getting closer. It's out of control.''_

_''Then let's get back home!'' Sirius cried, panic building up inside him now._

_James shook his head. ''You can't go any further. You've almost __gone_ _too far already. But you are not lost yet. You have to let them help, Sirius.''_

_''I have to keep Harry safe!'' Sirius had picked up little Harry, cradling him against his chest._

_''You can't do it all by yourself all the time, Padfoot. Some things are too strong, even for you. And if your try anyway, you might not find your way back. And then what about Harry?''_

_''I have to protect him...'' Sirius whispered._

_''You do. You always do, just like I __knew_ _you would. But he will still need you when it's over. You have to let go now.''_

_''I don't know how.''_

_''Just relax and let them take control.''_

_''I can't. What if it's Him?''_

_''It's not. You have to trust me now, Padfoot. You do trust me, don't you?''_

_Sirius looked up at his best friend and smiled sadly. ''I always have. And I always will.''_

_James smiled back at him with the same sadness._

_And Sirius let go._

~*H*~

''What are you-?''

Remus was struggling, trying to pull his arm out of the surprisingly strong grip of the other wizard who dragged him down the corridor towards the staircase.

''No need to thank me Lupin. If it was just me, I would let you get your backside fried for all I care. But the old man seems somewhat attached to you and asked me to save your flea-bitten hide. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't make it even more of a hassle than it already is.''

''What are you talking about?'' Remus growled. ''We have to find Sirius and Harry!''

Eyes, black as coals, bore into him and the pasty face of Severus Snape settled into a familiar mask of arrogance and snide. ''It might have escaped your notice Lupin, but this house is on fire. On fiendfyre to be precise, and Albus has yet to gain control over it. If your precious mutt has been back there,'' his greasy head indicated the direction they had come from, ''you can come back later for the charred remains.''

The words, so carelessly spoken, and the images they created were too much. Something inside Remus howled and, if the horrified look on Snape's face was any indication, the anguished sound had broken free to reverberate through the silent halls. A mixture of fear and disgust crept over the other wizard's features, but his grip only strengthened and he pushed Remus in front of him, making him stumble into the wall. But Remus was at the end of his tether. Instinct had taken over and the only thought inside his mind was finding and protecting his pack. And so, before either of the two wizards realized it was happening, Remus swung his right fist, connecting it with the potion master's large nose with a loud crunch. Snape staggered backwards, clutching his abused beak.

It took him only a second to whip out his wand and direct it at the trembling wizard in front of him, and the next thing Remus knew was a sharp pain slicing through his face as blood welled from a cut on his left cheek.

''If you want to run head first into your death, be my guest!'' Snape hissed. ''But if you ever dare to assault me again, _werewolf_, it will be your stomach I cut open!''

The hate and disgust ripped into Remus like it always had, but this time he shoved it away, clamping down on any flicker of shame or inferiority. He wouldn't let anyone tell him to feel ashamed for what he was, for what he felt. And he _needed _to protect his pack. Already he was turning back into the direction of the inferno, the direction he scented he would have to search. Snape stared at him with a mixture of disbelief and contempt and maybe something else, something Remus couldn't name, but which absurdly almost looked like envy.

And then fiery creatures erupted around the corner, attracted maybe by the burst of magic they had felt in the vicinity. Somewhere in the periphery of his senses the black robes of the potions master were billowing down the stairs in a haste of retreat, the rich carpet under his fleeing feet being eaten away by the fire as he went.

Then glowing eyes fixed on him.

Remus was good in defence. It had been his best subject at Hogwarts, one where he occasionally even outdid James and Sirius. Since then he had fought in a war, and earned his living by writing advice for the magical community on how to best protect themselves. Nevertheless, Remus had always liked the practical approach, so the shielding charm he called up was incredibly strong, but the collision still threw him to the floor.

On his back, his wand raised above him, he looked the fire in the eyes through the shimmer of magic. Around him, tapestries, curtains and paintings were crumbling to ashes. The very floor under him seemed to be smoldering. And still his shield held. The fire felt almost curiously reluctant. Greedy for his destruction, and yet not going for the kill. His body was bathed in sweat and it felt to Remus as if he had spent a lifetime already pressed into the floor, surrounded by impossible fury and hate and maliciousness. And then the fire screamed and twisted and the flames seemed to be biting at each other, lunging on themselves and with a bellow of furious rage they combusted in a shower of sparks.

And then they were gone.

For long moments Remus lay still, trembling wand arm still raised. The silence that reigned was deafening. Flakes of ashes were floating like snow around him. The walls, where just minutes before luxurious wealth had been courted, were black. His surroundings looked like hell, should it ever close down for the night.

Remus tried not to think of Muggle proverbs about snowballs and chances. He did not care about frozen balls of water, but other things, _living _things, would not have fared any better in that fiery storm.

_Charred remains._

Snape's cruel words echoed in his mind. His limbs were shaking as if they couldn't remember their primary function, yet still, with painful difficulty, Remus got to his feet. There was no turning back. There was no stalling. The only thing he could do, think, _acknowledge_ even, was to go and find. Whatever there still was to be found.

~*H*~

_He blinked, but the world around him was black and refused to become anything else. He had the strange feeling of floating and yet his body felt heavy like every one of his limbs was made out of lead._

_He couldn't remember what had happened. There were only vague shrouds of memory of impossible fear and impossible determination._

_He thought James had been here. Where had he gone?_

_Something small and warm was pressed against him. It was soothing. It felt alive and safe. Sirius was glad. He didn't know why, but he was sure that it was all that mattered._

_He could sleep now._

~*H*~

The room, as far as you could still call it that, looked like a nuclear bomb had been detonated inside it. There was nothing left in ways of furniture. The window was nothing more than a frayed hole. The walls themselves seemed to have bent from the heat and the magic. The very stones, ancient and soaked in spells, now were cracked and molten.

And in the middle of it...

_Charred remains._

The body was still whole. Not blackened, like the rest of the surroundings, but red. There was a sound like a man dying, and it took Remus a moment to realize that it had come from his own throat.

Sirius... Sirius' body was lying curled in on himself in the middle of the black rubble that once had been the floor, on a small patch that seemed almost untouched. His back was turned towards Remus and his legs were wrapped in something greyish black that could be cloth or could be ashes, Remus wasn't sure. He was naked from the waist up, though, and the skin on his back, on his arms, on his bare feet... was red and blistered.

Remus stumbled forward, his vision blurring from his burning, watering eyes. His throat was too tight to suck in air. Sirius...

The floor came up to meet his knees. His hands reached out, hovering, hesitant, afraid the body would crumble to dust if he touched it. But it was radiating heat. Was that...? Remus crushed the thought before it could come to taunt him. Sirius' black hair was seared on the edges, but still long enough to cover the face, to cover...

Remus leaned forward and another sound escaped his lips. There, in Sirius' arms, pressed closely against and half covered by him, was another, smaller body.

Harry.

Broken, shuddering sobs fell in the silence of the destruction. He had failed. He had once more failed, and now all he had left was lost. The desolation was endless and overwhelming. All at once the world felt too vast and empty to exist in it and too small to find another, single breath.

His fingers touched the black, singed hair-strands of the man he loved in ways that he had never been able to comprehend. The man he had lost before he was able to find out what he could be to him. The truth, always at the edge of his consciousness, suddenly glaringly obvious.

Fingertips hovered, afraid to brush the hair back from the face, afraid of what they might reveal. He let them wander to Harry's unruly mop. The boy he had wanted to protect. Who had climbed his way into Remus' heart so effortlessly it had scared him. A child, whom he should have been able to keep away from all of this, who should never have been forced to see so much evil and... The body stirred.

Remus froze. He stared horrified as the small head turned, and then Harry blinked, impossibly green eyes slightly dazed but full of the precious spark of the living, and something hot and painful exploded in Remus' chest.

''Harry.'' Short gasps of breath. ''Harry. Oh... Harry... Harry, Harry, Harry...''

Hands reached out, grasping a soft, warm body, pulling, clutching, holding, breathing in...

Small hands on his shoulders. Warm breath on his neck. And then the soft whisper of a voice, a question filled with need and fear.

''Sirius...?''

And Remus pressed Harry closer, his body shaking with racking sobs, holding on to the body of the child, his own body rocking in the ancient rhythm of the lost and despaired. Harry's body became stiff, his fingers dug into his flesh like claws, but Remus almost welcomed the pain. Holding on to the boy, he rocked faster. ''I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,'' he mumbled like the mantra could ever release him from his failure.

One arm around the boy's waist, the other one reached out and touched a blistered shoulder, still scorching hot. And then all levees broke and he threw himself over the body of his friend, crying and heaving, clutching him against him, one arm filled with Harry and the other with Sirius's still body.

He couldn't say how long it had been, when a voice broke through the haze of his wails and the roaring in his ears.

''Remus. Remus, you have to let go of him.''

Remus shook his head in denial. He couldn't. He wouldn't. When he let go it would all become real, Sirius would be dead and he _couldn't-_

''We need to get him to a hospital.''

Morgues and body bags and the cold, cold, lonely silence of death. No. No, he couldn't give Sirius over to this. He couldn't let him-

A hand on his shoulder. A gentle shake. A face swimming into focus through the blur of his tears.

''Remus. He is not dead.''

Not dead.

Not dead.

Not dead?

What... How...

Dry hands settling on his. Careful fingers, trying to pry his own grip lose. But Remus refused.

_Not dead._

The words crushed into him with a feeling even more overwhelming than his grief. Hope. Hope so huge and encompassing that it threatened to rip him apart. Painful and glorious and frightening.

Both Remus' hands gently cupped Sirius' head. Lowered his body down to the floor. Stroked over his forehead and cheeks with trembling tenderness. Sirius' eyes remained closed.

''He is...'' _so still._

''He used up every last grain of strength to protect Harry. He evoked the fiendfyre, although I am not yet sure what for. His magic has suffered. His body just doesn't have the energy to gain consciousness right now.''

''But he is...'' a_live..._

''Yes. But we need to get him to St. Mungo's. And young Harry better too.''

Remus eyes found the little boy who knelt next to him, staring down at his godfather. The fingers of one small hand were hesitantly stroking over Sirius' chest, where the skin was stark white in contrast to the angry red of his back and arms. The green eyes were filled with tears, but even more with emotions, and Remus could name every one of them, since they were his own.

Hope. Fear. Need.

Love.

His hand reached out to stroke over Harry's head. ''He's... he's gonna be alright, Harry,'' he choked softly, eyes searching for Albus' in need of confirmation.

''He will be,'' Albus offered.

And who was he to doubt Albus Dumbledore, after all.

~*H*~

The long white corridor lay deserted at this time of the night, but the little boy still shuffled from one shadowy corner to the next on his socked feet, trying to make as little sound as possible. One could never be too careful after all. Harry knew that he wasn't allowed to be up and about, much less right here in this corridor, that he was supposed to stay in his room. But he had simply not been able to comply, not when he had not seen Sirius for a whole day.

Finally he reached the door at the very end of the corridor and silently pulled down the handle before he slipped inside. The sight in front of him filled Harry with so much relief it almost made him dizzy. In the single bed that occupied the room his godfather lay under a soft blanket, his black hair combed back from his face and his chest slowly rising and falling with the deep breaths of sleep.

The nurses had told Harry that his godfather was resting, and that he shouldn't be disturbed. But Harry didn't plan on doing any such thing. He just wanted to see him. He just wanted to be with him.

Slowly he sneaked up to the bed. Sirius didn't move, but there was some colour in his cheeks and while his upper body was still wrapped in gauze, his arms showed unblemished, only slightly reddened skin. For a moment Harry just stood next to the bed uncertainly. It was the middle of the night and he was still very tired. It had been very hard to keep from falling asleep until the hospital had quieted down enough for him to dare sneak out of his room. But he couldn't make himself simply leave again.

Seeing the fluffy blue spare blanket on the chair next to the bed, Harry grabbed it and climbed up on the mattress next to his godfather. The bed was not that wide, but there was enough room for him to curl up in the crook of Sirius' left arm which was lying limply on top of the blanket. Pressing his face into Sirius' chest, Harry pulled the blanket over himself and snuggled closer. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled the smell of herbs and soap and something that was very much uniquely his godfather. He was already drifting off to sleep when he felt the brush of an arm, pressing against his back and shoulder, pulling him closer into the protective, familiar warmth of Sirius' body. With a soft, little sigh Harry's body relaxed for what felt like the first time in forever.

Finally he was where he belonged.

TBC

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**I hope now you can forgive me the last cliffhanger. See, I am not as mean as I look! ;D**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)  
**


	27. Reunion

**A/N**: Hello there, dear readers, anyone still around? I know. I'm like that cliché of a person who popped out to buy some fags and came back a year later. And I don't even smoke. As most of you know, I've become a Mum and, those of you who are too_ know,_ it changes EVERYTHING in a way you just couldn't imagine before. I remember telling a dear friend, while I was pregnant, how much I was looking forward to all the writing I would get done once the baby was there and I'd take a break from work. Her answer was a roaring laugh. She has two kids. So... yeah.

This chapter has been written, changed, turned on its head and strangled just to be finally deleted and rewritten from scratch. And even though it is shorter than my normally epic chapters, its what's done so far. I climbed that mountain of exhaustion and writer's block, and it was no easy walk. So let me shout out to you:

**I AM BACK!**

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**Chapter 26 - Reunion**

_The world was made entirely of darkness. There was no up or down, no left and no right. There was... nothing. He couldn't say whether he was awake or asleep, if there even was any sense to these concepts here, wherever _here_ was. _

_He tried to remember. How he had come to be here, anything really, but his mind felt like a blank canvas. His body too was neither cold nor warm, felt no hunger or thirst, he just... was. He wondered whether he had died. If this was the afterlife, it was decidedly dull but even that thought hardly bothered him. And so he floated in existence, his consciousness flowing like water, like the tides of an endless ocean, impossibly wide and impossibly deep. _

_-x-_

_When he became aware of himself the next time there was ground. He had been washed ashore like flotsam on an empty plane of nowhere. He looked around, but there was nothing for his eyes to catch and take hold of. He took a step forward and then another one and then he simply walked on, not knowing nor really caring whether it actually made any difference at all. _

~*H*~

The lobby of St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies was buzzing like an angry swarm of bees. Excited reporters trying to get stern looking Ministry officials, harassed looking healers or at least confused and overwhelmed looking patients to give any sort of statement on this fantastic and unbelievable scoop of former insane mass-murderer Sirius Black, newly acquitted and possibly kidnapped and/or on the run again, supposedly having set fire to the Manor of a member of the Wizengamot with dark magic, and now being treated for unknown injuries. Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, having been found was almost a side note, but altogether outrageous rumours surged like Fiendfyre.

When Albus Dumbledore appeared, to guide a red-haired and shocked looking couple through the commotion, the havoc of voices, flash-lights and whirling quick-spell quills seemed to reach a new level, but the Hogwarts Headmaster strode through the assembly without sparing them so much as a glance, vanishing through the thick double-doors that had so far proved themselves impenetrable for anyone who wasn't St. Mungo's staff or specially approved, probably by Dumbledore himself.

The established facts were despairingly few. It was understood that Sirius Black had been admitted sometime yesterday in the early evening, supposedly in a severe condition, but nobody knew exactly what kind of injuries the man had or how he had acquired them. It was also understood that Harry Potter had been with him, and was indeed still with him, in one of the more remote wings of the hospital, which had in fact been cleared of any other patients for these circumstances. The boy, apparently, suffered nothing more than some exhaustion and anxiety after what had happened to him, about which – again – no assured facts were known. It was all a bit maddening and quickly result in the more or less accepted alternative, namely reporting rumours where facts were impossible to obtain.

Behind the impenetrable double doors things quieted down to the degree of hushed whispers, measured steps and silent glances. It was almost another shock after the havoc outside, but Molly Weasley was strung too tight to take much notice. She kept her eyes glued to the long flow of silver-white hair that fell down the straight back of the formidable wizard in front of her, and tried to draw reassurance from his calm presence, tried to gain even a slither of his composure for herself.

It was impossible to think that barely more than two days had passed since the trial and Harry's abduction. It felt like an eternity of cold fear and forced smiles and her imagination running wild with a parent's worst nightmares. Even more incomprehensible was that, next to her overwhelming fear for Harry, a nagging, deep worry had crept up for someone she had never claimed to like and, for the last years, had hated with a fierceness that now had come to shame her. It might be strange that where the most logical arguments of Albus and her husband were fruitless, where even Harry's determined loyalty couldn't sway her, one look into Sirius Black's soul had changed everything. Molly experienced the world with her heart, and it had broken a little for the young boy she had witnessed between grievous despair and overwhelming joy. A boy she knew had since become a man, but she couldn't help but feel a new need to protect.

Albus had told Arthur and her, that Harry was basically fine and simply exhausted. But he had also told them that this was because Sirius had saved him, had shielded him, with his body and his magic, almost destroying himself in the process. Harry was fine – something she still needed to see with her own eyes – but Sirius most definitely wasn't. And Molly felt, to her own surprise, that the weight on her chest had hardly lessened.

~*H*~

_He had been walking for eons or maybe minutes when he realized that there was a horizon. A little later he realized that the horizon was actually a wall. A wall which kept growing taller and taller with each step he took until he could finally make out a gate and, in front of the gate, a hooded figure who stood waiting and watching his approach._

_-x-_

_''Where am I?'' The words drifted off his lips, a stunning sound, the first he had heard. _

_''Where do you think you are?'' another voice came from under the hood, but the figure did not reveal its face._

_''If I knew, I wouldn't be asking, would I?'' he answered, feeling annoyed. It felt strangely good to be so. _

_''Do you remember what happened before?'' the figure continued unfazed._

_''Before what?''_

_''Before you came here.''_

_He hesitated. ''I was walking.''_

_''And before that?''_

_''I- I don't know.''_

_''You need to remember why you came here,'' the figure explained, ''what happened, and who you are. Otherwise you can't go back.''_

_''Back where?'' he asked, helplessly_

_''Where you are needed,'' the figure replied cryptically._

_He wanted to roll his eyes, make a sarcastic remark, he wanted to vent his frustration, but in all its maddening mysteriousness, the figure felt familiar, its voice a welcome comfort, and its words... rang true._

_''Come with me.'' A hand reached out to him in symbolic invitation and, after a last moment of hesitation, he followed. _

_''Where are we going?'' he asked._

_The hooded man turned around and raised his arms._

_''I want to show you something.'' _

_The heavy gates in the wall in front of them creaked and groaned, but finally crept open as if of their own accord. The pale hand reached out to him again before the man stepped through and there was nothing to do but follow. _

_The gates closed behind them, and he looked around with trepidation. The sight that presented itself to him was one of desolation so stark it seemed to creep under your skin and fill you up until you choked on it. There was a landscape, but it seemed... dead. The ground was cracked and of a greyish brown. Stark trees stretched their blackened limbs into a grey and bleary sky. There was a lake, but it was nearly dried out, the remaining water not much more than a brownish puddle. But the worst thing was that he could see that there had been beauty once, he could feel that this had been a place full of life and light. _

_''What is this?'' he asked, as icy cold filled up his chest. _

_''Your life's energy. Your magic. Your soul.''_

_It wasn't the shock it should have been. Somehow he had known. He let his gaze wander, trying to take it all in. ''So... I am dead then?''_

_''That hasn't been decided yet. It depends.''_

_''On what?''_

_''On whether you allow yourself to need as well as be needed. On whether you realize that your worth lies not in your sacrifice.'' _

_''Are you somehow required to talk in riddles?''_

_The figure sighed, but it felt almost... fond. _

_''You drained your magic. You gave away all that you have. You sacrificed yourself. There is still some tether holding you back, though, but not for long now.'' _

_And with those last words the man pushed back his hood, revealing unruly black hair and kind brown eyes behind circular glasses. _

_''Do you remember me?''_

_And Sirius did. He remembered the smirks on those lips, the wind ruffling that black hair, the joy and life in those eyes. And he remembered how they had looked at him empty and devoid of anything._

_''Yes, I remember,'' Sirius whispered, taking a step back, away from the pain, but it followed, like it always did. ''I remember that I failed you.''_

_''You did no such thing,'' James said._

_''I couldn't save you.''_

_''No, you couldn't. That was not your purpose.''_

_''What's that even supposed to mean?'' Sirius asked, helplessly once more. _

_''It means that I love you either way.''_

_Later, he was sitting at the shore of the nearly empty lake, juggling a few of the white and grey pebbles that lined it. He was quite sure they had not been there before. Neither had the weeds further up the slope, swaying in the breeze, some small sign of life in the desert of his soul. _

_''So what is it that you are saying?'' he asked when the silence had gone on for too long. ''That I needn't have tried? That the effort has obviously been in vain and I wasn't meant to succeed anyway?'' He looked up to the dead man standing next to him, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice. _

_''No, you moron,'' James said, dropping down to the ground next to him, ''What I am saying is that we were brothers. And brothers protect _each other_. But you have a self-sacrificing __streak a mile wide.'' He paused for a moment. ''At some point you have to decide whether that's all you want to be, or whether you are willing to honestly let someone else in. You've reached that point now, Padfoot.'' _

_''What are you talking about?'' _

_James waved his hand and in the murky water in front of them images started to appear and swirl into each other. _

_Sirius laying down his plan of how to deceive everyone about him being the Potters' secret-keeper. Sirius trying to rush out of a door so he'd be sent back to Azkaban before the full moon. Sirius sneaking into a Death Eater meeting to find out about his brother. Sirius signing a confession. Sirius being tortured. Sirius burning._

_When the images faded, Sirius looked up at his dead friend with stubborn eyes. _

_''I still don't see how it should be wrong to try anything to protect those I care about. Isn't that what it's all about?'' _

_''And who protects you Sirius?''_

_Sirius stared down at the pebbles in his hands in silence._

_''They want to, you know. They so desperately want to.''_

_More images rose up from the water. Of a little black haired boy facing down Aurors. Of a desperate man storming into a burning Manor. _

_''You still don't realize do you?'' James asked softly. ''How much you are loved. How very deserving you are of this love. But you need it Sirius, everyone does, and you do now more than ever.''_

_James rose up from the ground, looking around the dried up land. ''You gave all you've got Sirius. You will need to start taking something for yourself now.'' He smiled down at his friend. ''Start with Harry. You're almost there already. And he is yours now.'' He turned away then, so that Sirius almost didn't catch him mumbling, ''And maybe you'll give Remus a chance someday too.''_

~*H*~

Albus Dumbledore looked down at the young man who seemed old beyond his years, the deep lines on his face matching the streaks of silver in his hair tonight. It was a sign of how far beyond tired Remus Lupin was, that he only realized the presence of the older wizard in front of him after long moments of Albus observing him.

''I assume it is futile to tell you to go home to sleep?'' Albus remarked with a kind smile when the dull brown eyes, rimmed with red, finally ventured upwards to meet him.

His only answer was a self-deprecating smile.

''You have to have some patience with him,'' Albus continued, ''Sirius plugged deeper into his magic than most are ever able to, deeper than some think is right. And his body was already under a lot of strain even before it became the conduit for his magical outburst. It is not without reason that almost all wizards prefer to use a wand to channel their magic. And with this kind of magic...''

''You said he evoked the fire, but... I can't really imagine how he could have... I mean, it almost felt... evil,'' Remus mumbled helplessly.

''There is darkness in all of us, Remus,'' Albus said softly, almost sadly.

''But he never-'' The younger man looked up sharply, the fire of passion back in his eyes. ''Sirius hates dark magic!'' he said with such absolute conviction that Albus could only envy it.

And so his voice was gentle when he asked. ''Even in the face of death? Maybe not his own, but Harry's?''

Remus didn't really have to ponder the answer to that. It should have been apparent to everyone by now that there was nothing Sirius would stop at in the face of a threat to Harry's life.

''What do you think it did to him?'' the tired werewolf asked after a while.

''I don't know. Channeling so much dark magic can certainly poison your soul. But that doesn't mean it can't be cured.''

''How?''

''By the strongest magic of all, Remus. One you yourself have in abundance.''

''Me?''

''Yes. You, Remus. And maybe it is time that you come to realize it. Sirius will surely need you to.''

Albus didn't say any more when Remus frowned, confusion visible on his face. The young werewolf had always doubted his own worth and importance, but Sirius' friendship had been able to change that before and Albus was quite hopeful that those two would finally come to heal each other.

~*H*~

_Sirius had followed his dead friend up the hill beyond the lake, his frustration growing with every step. He still didn't understand how he had come to be here. What did James mean when he said he had exhausted his magic? Was that even possible?_

_James had spoken about Harry and Remus, and those names touched something, made him feel something that seemed to be equal measures of pain and joy. Sirius wasn't sure if he wanted to go there, as alluring as it was. But James didn't give him a choice. _

_''Do you remember Harry, Padfoot?'' he asked, when Sirius sank down next to him on a small boulder._

_A face swam up in Sirius' mind. Hopeful, green eyes. The same unruly black hair as his dead companion. A shy smile. For a moment in time Sirius heart stopped, then, with every hard beat, it began to pump fresh, hot blood through his veins. _

_''Harry,'' he whispered, almost choked. Harry. _

_And then events came rushing back. Jumbled, but very clear. A luxurious room with a huge four-poster. A little black haired boy, the most precious boy in the world, bathed in bright sunlight. Lucius Malfoy. And a wraith-like apparition, evoking Sirius' worst nightmare. _

_Green light. _

_Feelings of fear and rage, freezing him in and burning him out, exploding... and then... _

_What had happened then?_

_James' eyes were warm upon him. ''You protected him. You saved him. Harry is unharmed.'' _

_For a moment Sirius felt frozen, the resonance of the feelings he had experienced too overwhelming. But then something soft and warm and almost shy spread through his body, a feeling like being embraced by a sunrise in summer. _

_It took a moment for Sirius to realize that he was crying._

~*H*~

It was not the first time Remus wished for Albus Dumbledore to be less prone to mysterious and vague statements and a bit more into calling things by their name and explaining what in Godric's name he was talking about. Instead the old wizard seemed to take an almost devious satisfaction in keeping people in the dark to find their own way. Apparently, it would be cheating to do otherwise. Remus could appreciate that concept theoretically, but it was a lot more annoying when it was applied to oneself.

Rubbing his tired eyes, he let them drift to the clock on the wall further down the corridor. Unsurprisingly it insisted that it was 'time to go to bed', just like it had done for the last few hours. Even less surprisingly, Remus didn't agree. Rationally he could acknowledge that this had been one hell of a day in a row of even worse ones, and that his body was exhausted to the brink of unconsciousness. But a different part of him, which might be his heart or at least what people seemed to associate with that sore muscle, knew that he couldn't bear to go back to the silence of his cottage not knowing whether it was all there ever would be for him again.

He needed Sirius to wake up and he needed him to be okay. He didn't know if he could take much more heartache in regard to his friend.

In the silence of the halls of at night, Remus got up and drifted down the corridor in the direction of the white, wooden door he had been trying not to stare at. His hand reached out, almost of its own accord. Without making a sound he pushed the door open and stepped into the darkened room.

In the dim glow of the fake lights of London, coming from the tall window, Remus could see the lines of Sirius' long limbs on the bed, tucked beneath the sheets. But there was a smaller lump next to him, curled into the side of his friend and buried under the crook of his arm.

A small smile crept over Remus' face when he saw that he wasn't the only one who hadn't been able to stay away.

In a moment of hesitation he lingered just inside the door, not wanting to intrude on this display of parental bond, into this closeness of father and son. But he couldn't make himself turn away either. His eyes fell on a chair in the opposite corner of the room, and the fluffy blue blanket lying neatly folded on top. With another glance at the sleeping little boy, Remus went to fetch it and stepped to the bed, carefully spreading the soft cloth over Harry's small form.

Preparing for another long night, he returned to the chair and silently lowered himself onto the cushion. It was close enough to observe. Close enough to hold his vigil until the moment Sirius opened his eyes.

~*H*~

_As if his tears were the rain so desperately longed for and the warmth he felt was mirrored in the sky, the landscape around him started to change. It was subtle at first. Soft green sprouting from between the dried up cracks in the earth, the water of the lake clearing and even the steel grey sky lightening up some, hinting at the existence of the sun behind those heavy clouds._

_''What is happening?'' Sirius asked frowning. _

_''Your soul is starting to heal. Slowly, but it does.''_

_''But... how?''_

_''Through the oldest and most powerful magic there is,'' James said with a smirk, but his eyes betrayed their warmth. ''Love, Sirius. Someone loves you, so much even you can't resist.''_

~*H*~

The bleary light of dawn was slowly creeping in, announcing the, once more, astounding self-evidence of a new day. Time obviously didn't stop for anyone, not even Sirius Black. In this grey light of morning, seen from the wrong side of a sleepless night, Remus' exhaustion was only rivalled by his despair. He had often called his best friend stubborn but, the fact was, Remus was guilty of said virtue in equal measure. And so he simply refused to acknowledge that he was quickly reaching the point where his body would overrule his mind and lose consciousness without regard to his whereabouts.

Remus knew that Sirius' condition was improving, at least the rational part of him did. He had repeated the words of the healers to himself again and again. That he needed to have patience with his friend. But the unnatural stillness of Sirius' body, which was always so energetic and restless, was hard to endure. Sirius' face didn't look like he was asleep. He didn't look peaceful. He looked blank and pale. And even though the medical wards declared him alive and his heart beating, Remus couldn't let himself rest until Sirius opened his eyes to the world again, seeing and understanding and truly alive.

Lost in those feelings, swaying in the nether land between sleep and wakefulness, Remus blinked and found himself standing next to his friend's bed, on the other side of the still peacefully slumbering Harry. If it was a sign of his own condition that he couldn't tell if he had walked over or maybe apparated the short distance, he did not pay it any mind.

He stared at the pale forehead, the dark ringed eyelids, sharp cheekbones and slack mouth, and his hand reached out, grasping the one resting on the white sheet, as if he could actively hold Sirius on this plane of existence, pull him back into the world of the living.

''Come back,'' he rasped, his voice almost failing. ''Come back to me.''

~*H*~

_It was happening. Around Sirius a sea of grass stretched over the hills, a cool breeze stirring them and sending ripples through the surface of the lake that shimmered silver under the still cloudy sky. The land didn't look dead anymore. Only slightly unkempt, surviving in an not always easy plight. But at the edge of the lake, almost undetected, a few small blossoms dared the wind in a hidden crouch. _

_''What happens now?''_

_''Now you go home.''_

_Sirius looked around himself, gaze wandering over the windswept hills. He had not noticed until now but those huge doors through which they had entered, they were nowhere in sight. He turned back to his friend, who watched him with silent expectation. _

_''How?'' Sirius asked, when no explanation was forthcoming._

_''You follow your heart.''_

_Sirius gaped at him. ''Is that supposed to be direction or are you just trying to be clever?'' _

_James shrugged apologetically. ''It's all the advice I can give you. Maybe when you try listening to it, it will tell you what to do?''_

_Sirius rolled his eyes, but for a moment tried to make an effort. Closing his eyes and turning his attention inward to those pesky emotions, he searched for that infamous muscle, worn and scarred as it was from years of abuse and starvation. But what he felt came from a different direction, one he hadn't been concentrating on at all. _

_There was a tingle in his hand. _

_For a moment this was so unexpected, that he couldn't do anything else but stare at his own upturned palm. It wasn't unpleasant, just slightly disconcerting, as, from an unknown source, warmth seemed to flood his long fingers, running up to his wrist. He looked up at James, a question in his eyes, but his friend just smiled unsuspectingly. The warmth became more insistent, running up his arm and down his chest to his navel. A deep longing tugged at him, calling for him with an inaudible song of seduction, begging and demanding in equal measures. _

_And then there was a jolt. So strong that Sirius stumbled, his feet left the ground and then the ground was gone. With his head spinning, Sirius couldn't say where was up and where was down,_ and when the dizziness subsided, the first thing he became aware of was a soft, rhythmic beeping.

It was dark, though that could be because his eyes were closed.

And someone was holding his hand.

~*H*~

At first Remus thought he had imagined it, but when it happened for the second time there was no mistaking it. The long fingers he was holding in his own gave a small squeeze. Remus stared at his hand, joined as it was with the one of his friend. He didn't dare move. He hardly dared to breathe. He only stared.

''Don't get me wrong, I know my hand must be utterly fascinating, _any_ part of my body really,'' a croak suddenly came from the head of the bed, ''because, obviously,... I am just awesome like that...''

Remus took in a sharp gasp of breath and nearly crashed the hand he was holding. His eyes darted upwards, meeting Sirius' and taking in the tired grin that spread over the pale features of his friend. It took him a few seconds and Sirius' small wince, before he became aware of the hand he was still holding in a vice grip, and he let it drop as if it had burned him. He felt a slow heat creep up his cheeks and he cleared his throat, rubbing over the stubble on his face, feeling strangely self-conscious.

Sirius flexed his fingers, giving them a contemplative look. ''Or did you take up divination? Did you see something interesting? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?''

When Sirius eyes drew up, betraying their mischievous sparkle, Remus made a strangled sound, that he decided was a laugh rather then a sob, and said, ''You're full of dragon dung, Sirius Black'' because Sirius was, and Remus couldn't even... because he had not _known. _He had not known whether he would wake up but, much more than that, he had not know _how,_ whether Sirius would still be there or if the Fyre had fried his brain the same it had fried everything in the manor.

''You love me that way,'' Sirius quipped, but there was a question there, somewhere, as well and all Remus could say was,

''Yes.''

He didn't know what to think, how it could be even possible. How Sirius could spend all his magic, sleep for two days in an almost catatonic state and then wake up all smart-ass and hospital-phobic, because the next thing he said was,

''So...when can we get out of here?'' Regarding his surroundings with ill-disguised contempt.

Remus was almost fifty percent sure he had fallen asleep and was dreaming this all up. He gaped at his friend for another few speechless seconds, but that's when he noticed the strain around Sirius' eyes, the forced press of his lips and the slight shaking of his hand. Remus realized that he was familiar with this Sirius, the one who would cover up his weakness with being loud and outrageous and obstinate. He opened his mouth to call him out on it, but then he saw the tight hold Sirius left arm had on the sleeping bundle of his godson at his side and he closed it without a word.

He tried out a small grin and shook his head. ''You can't just up and leave, you idiot,'' he said fondly. ''You've been in a coma, you know? I'm sure the doctors will want to do check-ups and keep you a little longer for observation.'' He smiled at his friend apologetically. ''Shall I call a nurse and let them know you are awake?''

Sirius nodded slowly, a hint of hesitation creeping in. ''Sure,'' he said casually, ''In a moment.'' His gaze wandered down to the black mop of hair pressed into the side of his stomach. ''Just give us a moment, yeah?''

There was nothing Remus would rather do.

TBC

* * *

**You have no idea how utterly terrified I am. It's been a year. Self-doubt is my best friend. So gimme some love, or even an honest opinion, and I promise to get the next part to you ASAP!**


	28. Home

**A/N: Happy Christmas to all of you! ** I've only finished this today and so it is un-betaed and pretty much just thrown out tere. But I hope I can still give you a little Christmas joy with this. :)

To my ever faithful and loyal Sundance - Merry Christmas, Carolyn!

* * *

**Chapter 27 - Home**

Harry woke slowly, sluggishly, the cobwebs of half-forgotten dreams clinging to him with an underlying anxiety that didn't quite match the warmth and comfort he was slowly becoming aware of. He was in a cocoon of something soft, and plush, pressed against something solid but warm, and for a moment he froze because his senses signaled a contentment his brain had difficulty to believe. He was swamped with disorientation, not only struggling to recall where he was or how he had come to be here, but also unable to judge the danger he might be in.

There was a second of panic when a strong hand came to rest on the back of his head. But when it began to gently stroke over his hair, the familiarity of the gesture started to sink in. The weight and feel of that hand was neither foreign nor alarming. And then, with a rush of relief, everything came flooding back. Sirius. The hospital. How he had sneaked into the room of his godfather. The fear at finding him so still and pale. But now...

Suddenly an overwhelming hope filled him and, with his heart beating wildly, he pushed himself up, blinking in the gloomy light of morning.

And it was true. It was really true. Sirius was awake. Sirius was alive and back and he was smiling at Harry, broadly and fully, with his whole face creasing up. He didn't say a word at first, just let Harry look his fill for what felt like the blink of an eye and a very long time.

And Harry needed to look. He needed to just watch that smile, directed at him, to believe it was true. Finally Sirius' rough palm stroked tenderly over Harry's cheek.

''Hey, pup,'' he murmured. ''It's good to see you. I've been so scared for you.''

Harry pressed his face into the touch. ''I've been scared too,'' he whispered, through the huge lump in his throat.

''I know,'' Sirius said ruefully. ''And I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. But it's over now, Harry, I promise you that. Nothing and no one is going to take you away from me again.''

Harry looked at Sirius, at his smile, tired but open, and without the tension that had lingered around the corners of his mouth for so long. He was sure he wasn't dreaming but he still struggled to comprehend what his godfather was saying. He wanted to smile, but at the same time he felt icy fingers clawing at his chest. There was something rising up in him, like a huge black wave, like the tides, all that had happened.

He'd been so afraid for _so long. _

And all the time he had tried to hold himself together, had tried to be brave. With the Weasleys and the trial and the strange things happening at the manor. There had been one lifeline, one comfort, and he had repeated it to himself in the lonely nights, trying to not lose his faith.

That Sirius wanted him. That they were going to be a family. That he had _promised. _

But it had become harder and harder. There had been moments when Harry had almost believed that it was all wishful thinking, just like his fancy daydreaming back in the cupboard at the Dursleys. And now... was it... could it... really be real? Finally, truly, without any 'but's and 'if's? Without anything else waiting to take it all away again?

''Is it... will you... can I really stay with you now?'' Harry finally asked with a wobbly voice, blinking back the tears that threatened to rise.

Sirius looked over Harry's shoulder, and it was just now that Harry realized Remus was standing next to the bed, looking tired but happy.

Sirius studied Harry for a moment before he cupped his face with both his hands. He looked him in the eye, sure and a little fierce, and said, ''Yes, pup.''

There wasn't a trace of doubt or worry in his voice, just conviction. His piercing gray eyes became tender, as he stroked his thumb over Harry's cheekbone. ''I am a free man now. And you know what I told you. We are a family.''

He pulled Harry close again and Harry's hands clawed into Sirius' robes with a death grip. A long moment passed before he was ready to loosen his hold and push himself away a little again. ''And you are alright now?'' he asked still worried from seeing his godfather in the state he had been.

''I'm fine,'' Sirius reassured him with a grin. ''And as soon as Remus here finds me some trousers we are going home. Okay?''

He winked at Harry and ruffled his hair, and with that the small boy finally dared to give into it, this feeling of _relief _and_ joy, _that had wanted to bubble up inside of him ever since he woke up. He couldn't have stopped the smile that burst forward if he'd tried.

''Okay,'' he whispered, sagging back against his god-father.

There were things he wanted to tell Sirius, things he wanted to ask, but he couldn't find the words in the jumble that were his thoughts and emotions. So for right now he just held on, held fast, to this feeling and to Sirius, enjoying the warmth and the weight of his god-father's hand, stroking his hair.

~*H*~

Unfortunately the quiet reunion did not stay undisturbed for long. Only a few minutes had passed when the company of three was startled by a female voice, near hysterics, booming down the corridor outside.

''How can you not know where he is? He is supposed to be in bed! You are supposed to keep watch over him!''

Remus and Sirius exchanged an alarmed look over Harry's head, who seemed to have gone slightly tense again in his godfather's arms.

''Molly...'' a male voice, trying to appease, was heard then, quieter but nearer.

''No! I've had enough! I am as good as that boy's mother, and I _will _-''

The door was ripped open, but Remus and Sirius never heard what Molly would do. They were left staring at the red-haired woman, standing like an avenging angel in the door, her mouth still open in mid-rant. Sirius was half raised in the bed, holding onto his godson with a grim face, while Remus placed himself, more or less subtly, between them and the door.

For a moment, Molly just stood there, blinking, before her eyes settled on the little boy in the bed and her features softened to a relieved smile.

''Harry,'' she said, rushing forwards, ''there you are, sweet-heart.''

In the middle of the room, though, she was stopped short by Remus, who was blocking her way with a determined face.

''Molly,'' he said with a strained smile. Their last meeting hadn't exactly gone very well after all. ''How good to see you. As you can see, Harry is perfectly alright.''

Molly, coming barely up to Remus shoulder, floundered a little, obviously torn between her compulsion to rush to Harry's side and her unwillingness to barrel over Remus in the process.

''Yes...,'' she said after a moment of hesitation. ''It seems so. We were just all really worried when Harry wasn't in his bed this morning. After all that has happened...'' she trailed off, but of course Remus knew very well what she was referring to.

''Yes, well, he hasn't been _kidnapped_, if that's what you mean,'' Sirius said bitingly from the bed, and, Remus knew, there was a world of subtext. It had, after all, only been a few days since Molly had accused Sirius of having done exactly that, not once but twice. ''He is just where he belongs. And where he wants to be.''

The words were an open challenge, but to Remus surprise Molly did not raise up to the bait, instead she faltered a little, taking a step back. ''Yes. I suppose...,'' she said a little awkwardly.

''You surely won't fault him for trying to reassure himself of my health,'' Sirius continued, and his tone made it clear, that he wasn't sure about that at all.

Molly, obviously hearing what Sirius wasn't saying as well, harrumphed. ''Yes. No. Of course not! Like I said, I was simply worried because Harry appeared to have vanished.''

A tense silence settled when Sirius refused to say anything further and just regarded Molly with cold expectation through his narrowed eyes.

''I... ehm... also wasn't aware that you are awake already, Mr. Black,'' Molly finally broke it. ''Are you feeling better? The healers were quite worried about you. We all were.''

Sirius eyebrows crept towards his hairline at Molly's words. And the expression on his face nearly made Remus snort out loud. But he felt for his friend, he too couldn't quite believe his own ears. Was Molly implying that _she _had been worried about Sirius?

Remus eyes searched out Arthur Weasley, who had come to stand just inside the door, and looked at his wife with fond exasperation. Remus knew that feeling quite well, Sirius used to inspire it in him a lot as well. Just the next moment, in fact.

''Forgive me, if that claim seems a slight incredible to me,'' Sirius said, with a dubious look but a hard edge to his voice.

Molly harrumphed again. ''No,'' she said looking around the room for a moment before she dared to meet Sirius' eyes. ''I guess I can hardly expect anything else.'' She took a deep breath. ''Mr. Black,... Sirius. I wanted to apologize to you for... for my doubts. Sometimes our own fears and... and our own grief... make it hard to see the truth. But I can admit when I have been wrong. And it seems very obvious that I have been wrong about you.''

Sirius frowned at her. His face didn't soften, yet. He was not a man to be swayed by pretty words. And he was not a man to forgive and forget quite so easily.

''Does that mean that you don't oppose my guardianship of Harry any longer?''

Remus pressed his lips together in an effort to hide his smile. Trust his friend to come straight to the point.

''Well, I guess... if you can assure us that you can provide for him... and if Harry still wants to stay with you'' – Harry, who hadn't made a noise since Molly had entered, nodded eagerly at that – ''there probably wouldn't be a reason to object to this. Of course he is always quite welcome at the Burrow,'' she rushed to assure, looking at Harry this time with a big smile.

''And of course,'' Arthur Weasley interjected from the door, ''it is not our decision to make, after all. You'll have to take that up with the Ministry, Sirius, but I think we can both tell you that we won't fight you over this. In fact, we would even support you.''

The last was directed at his wife, who squirmed a little, but nodded.

Sirius seemed truly baffled now. But he was not going to question a good thing. ''If that is true, I shall be very grateful,'' he said carefully.

There was another awkward silence, full of wary glances and fidgeting on Molly's part. Remus coughed a little glancing between Sirius and Molly.

''Yeah, well,'' Sirius said at last. ''Assuming your worries have been lifted, I would ask you to excuse us now. I was just about to get dressed.'' He looked at Remus. ''Moony, where are those trousers I asked you for?''

''Dressed?'' Molly exclaimed, shock evident in her voice. ''Surely you can't mean to get up already? You've been in a coma for days! Has a healer even been in yet to check on you?''

''Why don't we go and tell them that Sirius is awake and give those three a little privacy for the moment,'' Arthur murmured soothingly while pulling her towards the door.

''What!? Oh...Yes. Yes, all right.'' Molly looked between them uncertainly. ''But make sure he stays in bed,'' she admonished Remus over her shoulder before the door fell shut behind them.

''What. The fuck?'' Sirius asked into the ringing silence, lifting a dubious eyebrow at Remus.

''Padfoot!'' the werewolf scolded him with a mild look and a glance at Harry. ''Language?''

''Yeah.'' Sirius nodded. ''Sorry. What. The _ever loving_ fuck?''

This time Remus couldn't help but laugh. It didsum up that conversation pretty well after all.

''Seriously, Remus, am I still on the good drugs, or did I just hear Molly Weasley _apologize_ for doubting me and all but agree to let me raise Harry?''

''If not, we have strangely matching hallucinations,'' Remus said dryly.

''Huh.'' Sirius cocked his head. ''Quickly, take a look out of the window!'' he said, waving his hand in the general direction. ''I am sure there must be stocks of pigs taking flight this very moment.''

~*H*~

There had been no sightings of flying livestock over London after all, but Sirius wasn't about to take any chances.

He had guessed, rightfully, that it would take Molly and Arthur only a few minutes to alert the healers and nurses to his changed condition, who had then rushed in in a hurry and started to wave their wands about him and talk to each other excitedly. Pretty much ignoring Sirius himself for the first minutes. It didn't help to endear them to him. Apparently he was a small medical miracle, and shouldn't have woken up at all, or at least not yet.

''I'm so sorry if this is inconvenient to you,'' Sirius remarked acidly to that.

''Oh, no, no,'' one of them, a young healer with a pimply face, rushed to ensure him. ''It is utterly fascinating.''

''Is it?'' The two words barely managed not to drown in sarcasm.

''We are of course very happy to see you awake and alert, Mr. Black,'' a, well, _girl_, said almost breathlessly, and the way she blushed while fluttering her eyelashes made Sirius draw back from her and his urge to run out the door this _very minute _even more imperative.

He had managed to get into some trousers at least but, while never being overly modest before, couldn't help but feel vulnerable facing what amounted to a bunch of kids half naked.

Finally there was a loud cough coming from the door and an older man with a clean cut graying beard looked at the lot of them with slightly disapproving eyes.

"Ladies and gentlemen, no need to manhandle the patient. While I can relate to your excitement, I shouldn't have to remind you that your first action should have been _alerting _the overseeing healer.'' He earned some guilty blushes, but at least one covered eye-roll for his words. ''Now, step back and _observe _while I examine the patient.''

Sirius scowled. ''Actually, the patient would like to release himself.''

The older healer looked at him, almost seeming startled that he had spoken at all, and shook his head with the same disapproval he had just shown to the flock of healers in training. ''Don't be silly, Mr. Black. You are in no condition to walk out of here.'' He stepped forward, directing his wand at Sirius' chest and moving it in a quick and precise fashion.

Sirius' eyes narrowed. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Remus wince. Then he met his eyes and warningly shook his head. He got the message loud and clear. _Don't you dare._

Sirius smiled sweetly.

''I am pretty sure I am not a _prisoner _any more, so I can't imagine what should stop me.''

The healer frowned distractedly, not meeting his eyes. ''You might be in an actually quite surprising good physical condition, _regarding the circumstances_. Which means we expected you to be half-dead and you are not. But we have no idea of the effects this all had to your magical abilities. This will need thorough testing. At least a few days, maybe a week or two...''

Sirius gaped at him. ''Yeah... no. Really not. Thank you very much, but I will be going now.''

And with that he turned away from the still moving wand, and went to the cupboard on the far side of the room, rifling through it until he found a set of robes that actually seemed to be his own. Thankfully Remus always was prepared.

''Mister Black! You really can't...''

Sirius blanked out whatever it was the healer was telling him. Thankfully he had become quite adapt with the years at lalala-ing in his head when ever anyone started going on about what he couldn't do. He really had no time for that. And no way in hell was he going to stay in this sorry place, being prodded at and talked over, when he was finally free to take Harry home.

He stepped behind a screen that had been put up for decency, and shrugged into the robes. If the voices he could hear coming from the other side were any indication, the people in his room seemed to have multiplied in a few seconds. Molly and Arthur were back, and so was Albus. There were more nurses and healers and other people Sirius knew neither identity nor occupation of.

"We will keep him here under watch for at least three more days..."

"The burns are as good as healed, but his magical abilities and his overall constitution..."

"Harry will of course stay with us for now..."

"Yes, that would probably be for the best. There will be a hearing set by the Ministry in regards to the guardianship issue, but there is no need to rush..."

Sirius calmly buttoned up his robes, while Remus was hovering nervously to his left, holding on to Harry and throwing worried glances at his friend . Sirius hoped the cause for that was the conversation going on on the other side of the screen without him, if very much about him, and not the distinctive shaking in his legs he was trying to suppress.

Fully dressed, Sirius squared his shoulders and stepped out from behind the screen, planting himself in the line of view of most of the group and assessing them with a cool and confident look. Within only a moment the group had fallen silent, those looking in the other direction turning around towards him.

When Sirius was sure he had their undivided attention he let a moment pass, and then another, before he spoke.

''I have no idea who half of you are, and I don't really care. But apparently all of you know who I am. So I will make this short. I am going to take my godson now, and then he and I will go home. Should anyone of you harbour the idea that he can stop me, I invite him to try.''

With that said, Sirius picked up Harry, who wrapped his arms and legs around him and buried his face in Sirius' shoulder.

''Mr. Black, you can't just leave. You need further rest, and...''

''Sirius, be reasonable,...''

''Harry should come with us for the time being until the issue of his guardianship has been resolved officially...''

''No.'' Sirius voice was ringing loudly, over the havoc. ''Let me make this clear. I am neither a child, nor am I a prisoner any longer, and I am done with people telling me what I can and can't do. I am releasing myself, and then I am going home, or, well, to Remus', and I am taking Harry with me. If I need any further medical care I know where to find it. Now get out of my way, or I swear you'll regret it.''

Sirius was a tall man, and he stood proud and determined, finally free of either collar or shackles. Remus glimpsed the old Sirius in this man, the one who, however much he hated his ancestry, was a Black by blood and the fear and respect that family evoked in equal measures had been no idle circumstance. The crowd parted like the sea, and Sirius stepped through like a king bearing a crown.

But Remus knew this Sirius better than anyone, and so he rushed after him, less he collapse somewhere down the corridor, ruining this glorious performance.

~*H*~

Sirius did not collapse, but it took a lot more effort than he was willing to admit. He was almost all the way down to the elevators when he heard rushing footsteps behind him and he turned around with a glare on his face, ready to shoot down anyone who dared to get in his way. He came face to face with none other than Remus though, who held his hands up placatingly.

''No need to rip my head of, I didn't come to stop you!''

Sirius looked at him sheepishly. ''I know, Moony. I thought you were one of those so-called healers.''

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but Sirius cut him off. ''I know. I know you don't think I should do this, but I can't stay here any longer. I have been prodded and manhandled and talked over enough to last for a lifetime. I won't stand for it a moment longer. And Harry can't stay here for weeks either. A hospital is no place for a kid and I won't send him away. I will _never _send him away.''

Remus face softened. ''I know, Padfoot. You don't have to vindicate yourself. I know. So... let's go home, okay? We can sort everything else out later.''

Sirius nodded, relieved, and together they stepped into the elevator to travel down to the main hall. What neither of them expected was the mop of people that met them as soon as the doors opened, brandishing cameras and magical microphones.

''Mr. Black! Are you really innocent?''

''Are you already healed? And how were you injured in the first place?''

''What will you do now that you are a free man, Mr. Black? What will be your next actions?''

''Will you apply for guardianship for Harry Potter? Is it true that the Potter's made you his godfather?''

''What can you say to the rumours about you suing the Ministry? Are you out for revenge, Mr. Black?''

''Mr. Black! Will you run for office now like your father did?''

Sirius stood stunned, facing the wall of people, yelling and waving and even _smiling _at him. He had faced such a storm before, on the way to his trial, but back then the people had oozed hostility, had insulted and damned him and wished him to hell. Now the main emotion seemed to be excitement. Like he was a celebrity. Although some of these men and women were probably the same who, only days ago, had told him even Azkaban was still too good for him. All Sirius wanted was to apparate himself far away but, like most official buildings, had non-apparition-fields in place.

''No comment,'' a calm but firm voice suddenly came from behind his right shoulder, and Remus stepped around him, once more placing himself like a shield. Against his better judgment it made Sirius smile.

The flashes of the camera erupted with a new frenzy, and the voices became almost more high-pitched and excited. But Remus just held up his hands and started walking forwards, parting the crowd and blazing a trail for Sirius and Harry. His little boy had his face buried in Sirius shoulder, like he was trying to hide, and Sirius simply held his head up high and didn't meet anyone's eye, his own firmly planted on the ginger-blond mob of Remus' hair.

They made it outside, and the Cold and the Grey of a London side-street felt like a shock to Sirius' system. The lone old man walking his dog across the street, the litter on the curb, fluttering in the breeze, and the pigeons ogling him for a moment until they lost interest, too mundane to belong to the same world, he had been inhabiting for so long. His eyes found Remus' and for a long, silent moment they just looked at each other. And Sirius could read it all in his friends' eyes, the same joy and relief, laced with still a little worry and the struggle to really comprehend that they had made it. That they had reached this point.

Remus reached out his hand and Sirius, still wandless, took it. They still looked at each other when Remus apparated them away.

~*H*~

Coming back to Remus' cottage should not have felt so much like coming home, after all, it had been a prison for him ever since he had first arrived. Had that really been only two weeks ago? But when Sirius now stepped into the lingering warmth of the living-room, it was an entirely different feeling which wrapped himself around him like a scarf on a cold winter's day. It was Remus' place. A place he was and always would be welcome, that was soaked in everything that was his friend. His eyes swept over the couch and the arm-chair, the fire-place and the large windows leading out to the back garden. Absently, his hand touched his bare throat where the collar had been fixed.

Things seemed larger now and less confining. He could breathe easier. He went up to the large double doors, and his hand shook a little as he reached out and opened them. He regarded the treshold contemplatingly for a moment, then he took a big step and closed his eyes, breathing in -'the earthy scent of the wet fields, the sharp scent of the pine trees from the forest.

A small warm hand wrapped around his own, and then Harry's warm weight settled against his side. Sirius put his arm around the little boy's shoulder and pulled his god-son closer. For a moment they just stood like that. United.

''Sirius?'' Harry finally asked quietly.

''Yes, pup?''

''What's going to happen now? Will we stay here with Remus?''

''Do you want to?''

Harry bit his lip. ''I don't know. I liked the cabin. I had my own room there, and a tree-house, and a broomstick. It was _our_ place.''

Sirius smiled. He felt the same way. The cabin had become their home when they both had needed one. It was small and a little old, but it was theirs. He missed it too.

''Then we will go back to the cabin. As soon as the guardianship is settled. And I will go to the Ministry about that first thing in the morning, okay?''

''Okay.'' Harry hesitated. ''Sirius?''

''Hm?''

''When I live with you and you are my... my guardian,'' Harry trailed off and Sirius looked down at Harry's black mop of hair, while the little boy studied his feet.

''Yes? What is it, Harry?''

''You know how Mrs Weasley wanted to adopt me?''

''Yes, I know.'' Sirius wasn't really sure where this was going, but we was glad Harry chose to speak up.

''Would you... would you do that too?'' Harry asked quietly. ''When you are my guardian?''

Sirius didn't answer immediately, but waited until Harry looked up at him with uncertain eyes. ''Would you like that?'' Sirius asked then.

Harry swallowed. ''I want to be your son,'' he mumbled shyly after a moment. Then he pushed out his little chin with a stubborn tilt that reminded Sirius so very much of James. ''And I don't want anyone ever to take me away from you again.''

Sirius sank down to his knees and wrapped his arms around Harry's small frame. ''I don't want that either. And you _are _my son, what ever happens. But if you want to, Harry, I would love to adopt you. And you will be my son and I will be your Dad and no one can say differently.''

''Can I call you Dad then?''

Sirius had to bli8nk against the moisture that rose up in his eyes, seeing the hope and the trust in Harry's face. ''I would be happy and proud if you ever want to,'' he croaked.

''I do. I want to have my own Dad. That's all I ever wanted.'' Harry pushed back and the smile on his face was so broad it was like watching the sun. ''And I want it to be you, because you will be the best Dad in the world. And if I can have that, then I would never want anything again, ever!''

Sirius laughed. ''It's okay. You are allowed to want other things too, pup. In fact, I did promise you that we would have our very own Christmas, didn't I? Don't you want your Christmas presents?''

Harry hesitated. He had never had any Christmas presents after all. ''I think I would like a Christmas present,'' he said after a moment, carefully. ''But can I have the adoption first?''

''Yes,'' Sirius laughed. ''What ever you want, Harry, I promise you that. And what ever it takes.''

A small tab against the frame of the doors caught their attention, and when they both looked up, it was to see Remus standing there with a smile on his face.

''I made hot chocolate. Is there anyone who might be interested in a cup?''

''Yes! Yes!'' Harry cried, jumping up and down, and then he took of running towards the kitchen.

Sirius watched him go with a fond smile on his face. ''He will be alright, won't he?'' he asked.

Remus held his hand out and pulled Sirius up when he took it. ''He will be fine, Padfoot. Now that he's got you, he will be perfect.''

~*H*~

After all the hot chocolate had been drunk and Harry had stuffed himself with Remus' biscuits, he had fallen asleep on his godfather's lap and they had put him upstairs in Sirius' bed. Now, as the sun was quickly descending behind the treetops, the two wizards sat in front of the fireplace, side by side on the sofa, each holding a sparkling glass of fire-whiskey in their hands.

Sirius stared into the flames, apparently lost in thought, but Remus watched his friend instead, from the corner of his eye, watched the flickering light playing over Sirius' still a little gaunt features. He simultaneously looked young and vulnerable, and older than his years. Remus heart ached a little, understanding that his friend would never be the same again, even though all his ordeals were over now. The outside signs might fade with time, but the long years in Azkaban had left their mark deep in Sirius' soul. He would never be the easy, care-free boy again. But then Remus remembered how much Sirius had always hid behind his attitude. He sighed. Maybe Sirius wasn't so different after all. He fully turned towards the other man, pulling his feet up on the cushions, and waited for Sirius to catch his eye. After a moment Sirius' silver gaze found his, regarding him expectantly. And Remus asked the question that had been sitting on the tip of his tongue for the past hours.

''How are you really feeling?''

Sirius raised his eyebrows. ''I'm free,'' he said, ''and I am here with you and Harry, what do you think? I'm feeling great.''

Remus looked at him with fond exasperation. ''You know that's not what I mean.''

''Then what do you?'' Sirius asked, looking away, back into the flames. But Remus wouldn't let him evade again. He leaned forward, searching out Sirius' eyes again.

''What about your magic? Is it back? Can you use it?''

Sirius stared into the his glass, swirling the amber liquid around silently.

''Sirius?'' Remus asked again, worry and fear gripping his heart again. ''Have you tried a spell?''

''Yes.''

''And?''

''...it worked.''

Remus inhaled deeply through his nose. The implications... oh, the implications.

''What are you not telling me?''

Hearing the way Remus' voice shook, Sirius finally met his eyes again, looking at him apologetically. ''It didn't work very well,'' he admitted. ''Or very quickly. And it took quite some effort.''

''Sirius...'' Remus swallowed.

''I know,'' Sirius cut him off before he could say anymore. ''I will call Pomfrey in the morning. Just... lets just enjoy this evening, okay? Let me have this?''

There was a pain in Remus' chest, that threatened to rip him apart, but he managed to smile. ''Yes,'' he said, blinking a little. ''Okay. Let's enjoy tonight.''

TBC

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